THE GIRL WITH THE HUNGRY EYES
It was filed under "e" for "eyes"

  I love it when I'm able to say "I wasn't expecting much from this movie, it being straight-to-video and all, but this one impressed me quite a bit, and it would've made a fine theatrical release.  The writing is smart, direction solid and the cast good all around; when most straight-to-video movies are crap, it's refreshing to stumble upon a hidden gem like this."

Can't say that about this movie, though; it sucks.

Based on the short story of the same title by Fritz Leiber (never read it, but I would have by now if I hadn't "lent" my copy of Blood Is Not Enough to hospital-chick), this concerns a hotel-owning 1930's model who hangs herself after her lover breaks her heart.  Then, in the 90's, she's brought back to life as a vampire when the hotel is slated for demolition.  The hotel then tells her to go out and get the deed to the place, and if she so happens to fuck and suck (that is, vampirically) every man who happens across her path, then, so be it.  I wish my favorite theater here in Calgary, the Showcase Grand, got a similar supernatural helping hand; it's being closed down for demolition at the end of the month.

This hotel speaks to her with a heavily distorted voice-over that never failed to crack me up, although it was clearly presented straight.  Well, except for one scene where she's about to eat her extra-rare steak, that pesky hotel voice chimes in "The undead need fresh blood!  Try the waiter!"

Christine Fulton plays the vampire woman, and she takes writing credit for additional dialogue, too.  If I were her, I'm not sure if I'd want additional writing credit on a movie which calls for a black man to talk in a hilariously affected Latino lingo.  She spends most of her screen time with one of the worst makeup jobs I've ever seen, so if she's supposed to be sexy, she's only pulling it off when she's naked.  Really, it's not her fault.

Yep, there's even an on-off romance/predatorpreything with a heavily-in-debt photographer (Isaac Turner), who gets increasingly annoying as the time goes on.  You can't watch this movie and not wish for this guy to finally have his debts settled for him.  And I mean in an "execution-style" way.

Not much to say about this one, really; just that it's bad, and took two sittings to get through.  The second one - started up halfway through the film - I started while Wild Orchid was on Showcase.  Even though I consciously knew which movie I was watching, it still took about fifteen minutes for me to really understand.

Gotta admit, though; at least somebody was feeling generous when even all of the extras (!) are mentioned in the closing credits.  Isn't that sweet?

Should've been filed under "c", for...yeah, you got it.

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