THE GRIM REAPER
Feed us a fetus, indeed!

  Grumble, snarl; this stupid by-the-numbers slasher flick might've been worth sitting through if its two infamous gore scenes weren't cut out.  They were.  It wasn't.  Routine in almost every way, this movie has a bunch of young tourists settings sail to a Greek island, where they're promptly eliminated by a cannibal maniac with bad skin.

Okay, let's count the clichés.  Tarot scene, check.  The Death Card?  It's not during the Tarot scene, but check.  False scare by cat, check.  False scare by cast member inexplicably wielding sharp instrument, check (twice).  POV shots with heavy breathing, check.  One character who keeps complaining that they shouldn't have come because this place is cursed, check.  Scene where a guy plays guitar but the music we hear is clearly not what he's playing, check.  Every single scare amply telegraphed, check.  Why couldn't they have included the GOOD clichés, like nudity?

The badly dubbed dialogue (is there such thing as well-dubbed dialogue?) muddies things up, giving me the faint hope that something was lost in the translation, like when one guy asks "Did you and Carol have porridge last night?"  The answer is "No, why?"  And this guy then goes on to say something that SOUNDS like it MIGHT pass for an explanation, if you're just kind of half-paying attention, but he never once mentions what's up with the porridge.

Two scenes - of our villain's autocannibalism and his dining upon a freshly-yoinked fetus - have all by themselves lent this movie its reputation, since I can't imagine any reputation of any kind sticking to such an otherwise nondescript movie.  This version's cut, so they ain't here.

The music has its moments, there's some pretty scenery and I do admit that there's a cool nighttime scene where lightning keeps flashing and illuminating the outdoors as if it were day, just for a moment.  If that's all it takes to pique your interest in a film, don't let me stand in your way.

Directed by the recently deceased Joe D'Amato, unsurprisingly under one of his pseudonyms (he had even more than Dean Koontz). (yes, I know that Joe D'Amato IS a pseudonym, but while he may have been born Aristide Massessiti [sp?], he definitely died Joe D'Amato) Also known as Anthropophagus, Man Beast, Man-Eater, Savage Island, and Mulan.  Okay, just kidding about that last one.

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