NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES
Truly, a stupid piece of crap
Now, there are two movies called Night Of The Zombies from 1981. This is the Spanish/Italian one. And here's hoping that the other one's better.
The movie opens with an accident at some sort of industrial plant in New Guinea. A dead rat is found in a supposedly sterile area - but then it comes to life, and kills this guy! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, one zombie rat actually managed to kill this idiot. Remember the Rabid Rabbit from Monty Python's Quest For The Holy Grail? This rat is a lot smaller. In theory, that would make this scene even funnier, but no dice.
Anyway, a bunch of eco-terrorists hold up the American consulate in...well, somewhere, probably Italy or Spain. Somehow, that leads to a team of people being sent out to New Guinea to investigate what's going on there - and as you might imagine, it's a really bad time to be from New Guinea, unless you're in one of the native tribes, which are doing pretty well.
These have to be the most pathetically non-threatening zombies I've ever seen. With one victim standing one pace away from them, mocking them the whole time, all they do is slowly wave their arms around and wheeze. That's pretty sad. How can a movie be made around zombies this lame? And it's not like the zombie-fighters are much more compelling. This is a movie that seems specifically crafted to please people who like seeing zombies get shot about a hundred times in the torso before somebody actually hits the head. Everybody knows you're supposed to hit the head in this movie, but that doesn't stop 'em from wasting a whole lotta ammo on that torso.
Lots of stock footage from anthropological and nature documentaries are inserted - very clumsily - into the action here. The acting is outrageously overdone, and that's quite apparent despite the dreadful dubbing. Is that...is that Yanni as the cameraman? The score from Goblin is terrible - it sounds like it's from a bad 70's cop show (and the box couldn't even spell the name right). And these are some really freakin' dopey characters. In addition to the "torso" thing, these are the kind of people who have to be pulled away from a shower of blood, or else they'll just stand there screaming like a dumb shit. These are the kind of people who will stand around like a bunch of idiots for a full twenty seconds while the zombies are munching on one of their own. With friends like these...and what's with the guy who finds the time in the middle of this mess to put on a dress and dance around?
And the dialogue is some of the most moronic I've heard since Redneck Zombies. When the head of state of New Guinea tries to find a solution to the zombie plague, he laments "You have treated (my people) like a crowd of human larvae. Like creatures without souls! Insects! Savage beasts! Prehistoric animals!" This guy's stupid redundancy aside, how exactly do you treat somebody like a prehistoric animal? Somebody please tell me. Do you use him as fuel? Stick pins in his bones and use him to decorate airports? Send him stomping around San Diego?
Sure, the gore is plentiful (eyes popping out, cats jumping out of stomachs), but it's all so poorly done that it becomes a joke. And there is lots of "zombie action" if that's what you want to call it, so it might satisfy really undemanding zombie fans. Overall, the only part of this movie that didn't feel like a waste of time was the big stack of trailers after the credits.
To be avoided like unprotected sex in Haiti. Also known as (are you ready for this?) Cannibal Virus, Hell Of The Living Dead, Virus, Zombie Creeping Flesh, Zombie Inferno, Zombie Of The Savannah, and of course its Italian title, Inferno dei morti-viventi. Here's a bit of trivia for you - when any of these titles are translated into Portuguese, it all comes out as "This movie fuckin' sucks!"