SPELLBINDER
Those wacky Scientologists
A mind-blowingly dumb LA attorney - who happily admits that what he does basically consists of getting scumbags off on technicalities, so I guess he's not self-deluding - stops a pretty lady from getting smacked around in a parking lot. The guy doing the smacking looks all evil and sinister, so you know he'll be back. So the girl moves in with the shyster (smart boy, that lawyer - lets a woman he just met stay the day in his home while he goes off to work), and soon enough, it becomes apparent that she's a witch. The guy that was smacking her around was her evil coven leader (aren't covens generally headed by women?). And now the evil cult wants her back and is willing to go to some lengths to get her.
Kelly "Don't! Ever! Stop! Fucking! Me!" Preston plays the titular witch woman, with hilariously cheesy 80's hair. Timothy Daly plays the lawyer, exhibiting none of the skill he showed recently in Storm Of The Century. He takes almost as long to figure out what's going on as Rosemary did. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is great though (as always), in his two scenes as a cop.
This one's entirely too tame, lacking much violence or (contrary to the trailer) sex. If we'd taken out that one good look at Preston's tits, this would have seemed like much more of a TV movie than Storm Of The Century did. The violence is minimal and I don't think I heard one instance of foul language - so that's it, Preston's tits, the R-rating in a nutshell.
It kind of walks that fine line between mediocre and just plain bad. Great ending, though, however unlikely. Only for big fans of Preston and lovers of bad movies with good endings.
Oh yeah, on the Scientology bit (hey, I couldn't resist with Ms. Preston here). Last week I finally read this book that my sister got me for X-mas a few years ago as a lark when I was taking a course on cults - L. Ron Hubbard's Scientology: A New Slant On Life. And all I've gotta say is, wow. My mind is blown. People actually fall for this goofy shit. If you ever need a laugh, guys, give this book a look. The very second sentence - this is BEFORE the Introduction - should have you rolling on the floor.