STENDHAL SYNDROME
Wanna see Asia Argento make out with a big fish? It's here.
The 90's have not been kind to Dario Argento. He only got to do half of Two Evil Eyes. Trauma was almost universally received as a disappointment, and deservedly so. This movie wasn?t met with much more enthusiasm, and frankly, the thought of his new one makes me cringe (and from what I keep hearing, it sucks). What could even Dario Argento bring to this silly, turgid, incredibly tired tale that a zillion filmmakers (not to mention Andrew Lloyd Fucking Weber, who I can't stand) before him couldn't? I wouldn't look forward to yet another Phantom Of The Opera movie if it was directed by ANYBODY. In all honesty, I'd look forward more to Argento-filmed Alphaghetti commercials.
But enough about that damn Phantom - this is a different movie.
Argento again casts his lovely but hopelessly talentless daughter Asia in the lead for this one. Really guys, she's a better looking (and obviously more Italian) Tori Spelling. She got up one morning, fought against every bad-acting bone in her splendid body and said "Daddy, I want to be a movie star". And before you can say "Thy will be done", kablammo! Instant eye candy.
Anyway, Asia plays an Italian cop who freaks out every time she gets too good a look at paintings. She finds that she experiences them just a little too much - she hears the subjects' cries of pain, for example. Then one day she "enters" a painting (and has that little experience with the fish) ("Fishfuck baby...I'm gonna fuck you with a fish!" kept playing in my head) and finds that her appreciation for art takes on a whole new level. (God help this girl if she ever gets near a Dali, let alone a Bosch) Soon, she finds that she can use the paintings as portals to the scenes of some horrible crimes, all committed by the same madman.
Visuals-wise, Argento's pretty inspired here. There are great shots where this girl projects herself into the paintings - they take us right in, all in their different ways. We've also got an inventive (and completely unnecessary) moment where we see her swallow some pills - from the pills' point of view. (if you're anything like me, you'd sure like to get into Asia Argento, but not in this capacity) I also loved one shot where one chick is shot through the face - reminiscent of a similar shot in Raimi's The Quick And The Dead.
Story-wise, I like the movie just fine for most of its running length, although I suppose that this "painting-entering" thing does come dangerously close to psychic-link territory. The problem is, it hits a good conclusion at about the 85-minute mark (where one guy takes a Bruce Campbell-sized beating), but it's a false conclusion. Asia then puts on a blonde wig and the movie flails on for another half hour. The real ending to the movie is pretty good too, but it's an awfully long time getting there.
Performances are mostly pretty good - even Asia's substantially better than she was in Trauma, although she doesn't get naked here (dammit, Dario, why cast your daughter in the lead if you're not going to show her naked?).
Sure, it's subpar Argento, but subpar Argento is still pretty good.