Here are a few anecdotes of my adventures while at COLLEGE. Do enjoy!

Spring 2000

I know, I know get psyched! I'm finally updating this page! Not much though. Latest events around campus:

It's finals week! That's right, time to study up for those big exams while celebrating the fact that you're getting four months off by getting drunk off your bum!

Latest news in the Greek World: Nearly all the frat and sorority houses are up for MAJOR MAJOR renovations. The Sigma Pi house was actually condemed because the termites finally ate through the beer can foundation. Where will the greeks live next year? Not in my room. Ha ha ha... can't triple private rooms ha ha ha....

Now's the time for shameless self-promotion. I haven't updated this page in a while simply because I've...had work?! No, silly.. I've been doing other webpages! Check out my Scarecrow & Mrs. King Page. You know you want to.

What else is new around Rowan? Well, I've been to the mall more times this semester than I ever have in my entire life. Ode to the sweet, sweet Deptford Mall without whom I would not have my sanity, my extreme amount of commercial goods or my lack of expendible income. Staying weekends is great when you have friends with cars (danke Rob, DANKE!) and nothing to do.

March, 2000~

The Newman Center's having a DANCE!! That's right, the 'Come have dinner, then get brainwashed into our religion' crew at college has decided to have a DANCE. You know this Jewish girl's going!

Never order pizza hut. After waiting three hours and calling them THREE TIMES, we finally got our pie. I was the one who called of course, because I'm the Jew. And people fear Jews. Well, some people.. most just use them as scapegoats, but that's another story. The Pizza Hut manager sure won't though....

Since no one has any soul on this campus, my friend and I are forming a new club and guess what it's called. CLUB. (Actually, the Coalition for the Liberty of Unique Brevity (for brevity is the soul of wit).) Pretty catchy, eh? First event? We're staging a protest to protest the fact that we have nothing to protest. Oh this campus hasn't seen anything yet... :)

Fall '99

The Mighty Town of Glassboro is a roar (you know, the one that goes, "Hey sexy mama- Wooohoo!!!!"). Not only does it have dirty old men in rusty Fords, fruit flies and squirrels up the wazoo, it has Dollar Stores filled with Arabic cornflakes by Nestle (the box was printed in Arabic with "Nestle CORNFLAKES" written in english at the top) Arabic oatmeal (which is odd because they don't eat oatmeal...) lollipops from EuroDisney with French Franc Pricestickers on them (although eurodisney closed like, 7 years ago) and candy wrapped for Christmas...oh, and canned goods dated 1984 and 1996. Wooohoo! Now, granted, dollar stores aren't the classiest places in the world, but this one takes the cake. I need not elaborate; the mere statement above defines the dollar store in better words than could I, and gives you an even better definition of the town "Glassboro".

I've finally added some banners to make the site look better, for the mere fact that I found PSP5 on the computers in Bunce (ahh..sweet Bunce). So enjoy and feel special that I spent my time and energy, precious and little that they both are, to entertain you. That, and to down college sarcastically, which makes it fun for me as well.

So what have I done so far

Well, let's see. There is a mighty lot of stuff to do in Glassboro (like have strange, crusty men leer at you from their rusty Ford pickups as you walk along 322) so where do I begin? I moved in on the 31st. After unpacking my roomate and I bid our parents goodbye, set up our room, and changed for a nifty nap before the evening's festivities. However, five minutes into our nap, a knock came at our door. All I have to say here is Thank G-d for peepholes. Successfully avoiding our visitor by retreating to the bathroom, our afternoon was improved.

So blah blah blah, time past, and we met up with a friend from home who introduced us to another girl who introduced us to another girl who we hung out with at the evening's festivities. The fiesta was so big that a hoard of 100 people came and left within ten minutes. So we roamed.

We haven't stopped roaming since.

The next day we roamed around campus. The day after that we roamed to our classes, as with the following day. Finally, it was the weekend. So to kick off our first weekend at college we went INSANE and roamed all the way to KMart. Yup. The Big K.

Ode to the Big K

Now I think I know why Rosie O'Donnell loves this place so much; she grew up in Glassboro. Really, if you've ever lived in a spit town you know what I'm talking about. Glassboro literally is the college campus, the bad section, and the crossroads of 533 and some random bumpkin road which consists of a couple of video rental places and a few fast food spots. And KMart. Glorious KMart. The BIG K. The hub of social activity in Glassboro is the shotty five and dime wannabe where you're bound to get stuck in the checkout line behind some woman that insists the planner she wants to buy is 5% off.

Compare that to a day in a non-airconditioned dorm room with broken cable access and you'll love it as much as I do.

So, we've made two pilgrimages to the K so far; and what do we have to show for it? Butterscotch flavored lipstick a la Casey, some Certs for Kim because ObiWan toothpaste is never enough, along with Medium Ash Brown hair dye and midnight blue nailpolish for myself. Heck; it's college! I figure...

Why Not be a Superstar?

What is Glassboro?

While marching back from the cafeteria, I pondered the definition of this mighty town where my campus is. So, what *is* Glassboro? As I so eloquently and randomly put it,

"Glassboro is like a bad horror movie on a rainy day."

The only thing we're lacking is Vincent Price. Then again, judging from the surroundings, maybe we aren't......

College Quotes

And now it's time for those famous catchphrases made INfamous by college boredom.

"It's the Brack show, starring me; I'm Brack!"

("MST3K~The Movie")

"Sometimes when people talk it makes my head hurt and everything clouds over."

("Poltergeist" the tv show..yup, there's a tv show)

"I LOVE THE TAELONS!!!!!!"

("Gene Rodenberry's~ Earth, the Final Conflict")

"These are REFERENCE COMPUTERS ONLY!!!!!"

(The many Rowan Reference Librarians)

"Well, what do you want to do now?" "Go to KMart?"

(guess)

"What's on the WB tonight?"

(ahh...no cable..)

"I'll never do Improv AGAIN!!!!!"

(Casey, Superstar of the Bunce Studio Theater)

Clubs

An integral part of any well balanced college student's life is clubs. The first one I saw advertised was the 'Rowan Improv Group'and being a theater buff, I thought, heck, why not? So I dropped the idea by my friends, and Casey agreed to join me. So, at 6:30 off we went to the black room, "Studio Theater" as they call it (it's really more of an artsy interrogation room I think), and joined in the fun. All SGA chartered clubs have to have an adult advisor..well, strike one. Strike two was the semi-prissy girl that lead the auditions. And strike three was the group I had to do the "A B C" thing with. There were two guys and me, and I had to lead the entire scene... because they couldn't think of words that began with their designated letter on time. So, blah blah, an hour and a half goes by and boom, we get the speech. "Okay, now you guys can go out into the hall for a few minutes while I discuss with Mike, and then we're going to call in call backs." Now, here's the part that really confused me.

"Even if you aren't on the callback list, it doesn't mean you aren't going to be picked."
Okay, I'll openly admit I'm not an expert. But you'd figure Miss Priss would at least have the basic knowledge of theater I do after her YEARS of training (haha..who wants to bet she's a fifth or sixth year senior...) and she would know the basic definition of a CALL BACK. But, hahahaha, no, apparently she did not because she gave us the same speech again before reading the list of names. Moron. But I digress.. So Casey and I waited, and boom, our name wasn't called. Instead of being mopey about it, Casey fell to her knees and threw her arms in the air and shouted in pain,
"I'll never do Improv AGAIN!!!!!!"
Everyone turned in silence to look, and she and I immeadiately fell to the floor laughing, got up, and strode off triumphantly. Personally I think we made the greatest exit from an improv audition ever~ in fact, I thought it was so great that I suggested we try out again next year... and hopefully fail to get in again. That way they can never forget that taste in their mouth~ the taste of what they aren't getting and the realization of all they lost.

Special Events

Yes, even those exist at college... albeit rarely, but they're there... This time I'll editorialize on my first ever Rowan Special Event. And what is this occurance of grandure I am speaking of? Why it's none other than...

CONVOCATION
President Farrish donned in flourescent pink, various staff wearing multicolored robes d'acadamia, speeches about how Rowan used to bite, and more! Yes, this is what the alum made us miss our free period of the day for, made us carry books and notebooks for three classes for, fed us cold, soppy pretzels and cans of fly-ridden tea for. And I'll be darned if I won't say I didn't LOVE IT! (gee, that sounds positive doesn't it....at least that's the way it was meant to sound..) But please, beyond this negativity, Convocation did mean a lot to a green freshman like myself. It meant learning that the working world is really b.s. on a silver platter (or, in this case, flaming graduation wear), and that college is the place where you learn to make this b.s. an art. Which again, is why I ponder, why am I here? I've already passed the b.s. classes... hello high school. So, is this what Convocation taught me? Having truly reflected, I think I can say that the greatest lesson learned from sitting in Pfleeger Hall for an hour and a half was that
Wearing flaming pink robes while carrying a silver mace and brandishing a gold medallion is what higher education is all about.

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Page Created January 17, 2000 and Last Updated on April 29, 2000. Copyright SLM2000 All Rights Reserved.