Holy Evil: It completely shameless displays of self-promotion, April 2003 opened up with Wingnut and Vile openly campaigning for UCE Hall of Fame spots.
Nakedman: We would never shamelessly self-promote ourselves.
Holy Evil: Indeed. By the way, did we mention that best March 2003 UCE plotline was the Evil Empire?
Nakedman: Heh! I think we did! Shameless displays of self promotion rock!
Holy Evil: Do they ever!
*high five*
Nakedman: In the HoF campaign, Vile hired Necropus as his campaign manager. Necro immediately attempted to do make-overs on Vile. Oh yeah, he also made him take his shirt off a lot and gave him oily rub-downs
Holy Evil: And as for Wingnut. He died in April.
Nakedman: Huh huh what?
Holy Evil: Let me explain. Wingnut pulled a prank in April when he told me that he was giving up on comedy. I was really scared until he declared “April Fools!” So, in order to get the upper hand, I pulled a April Fools prank myself.
Nakedman: What was it?
Holy Evil: I shot him in the head.
Nakedman: Ah, I see.
Holy Evil: He was then replaced by Positron, who continued the Wingnut campaign. He made sure to get his point across when he took a “Wingy for HoF” campaign pin and stabbed Priestess in the chest with it.
Nakedman: Yeah, wasn’t Positron was accidentally re-created in an experiment by the newly-returned Arsenic?
Holy Evil: Indeed! And the AoD, which had pretty much taken over Arsenic’s Evil Lair of Evil, were in constant bickering with Arsenic, who tried to claim his room back. He kept re-building his wall out of various materials, and it kept getting knocked down over and over. Oh, Arsenic also froze Benny Blair and kept him, who was by then very inactive.
Nakedman: Wow? You kept breaking his wall? That’s mean.
Holy Evil: In fairness, it was the Kool-Aid man who did break his wall a couple of times.
Nakedman: Ah. …Other new people that showed up include Darkwolfe, Rasputin, Sickboy, Strider, Lazareth, Static, Synful Vixen, Sicofly, Beau Ring, Dan Haven and Canadian Kid. But not the good Canadian Kid, the crappy one. Leaving were Captain Smack, Switchback, crippled Violent Jack and Mikey Ripper.
Holy Evil: Hey hey… also early in the month, Austin Hardy and Nick Bronze traveled a few miles away in an attempt to destroy the Statue of Liberty to protest US-French relations. The very confused Highland Terror joined them, having no idea of the actual destruction plot. Yet due to Austin's Englishness, Highlander's Scottishness, and Nick's pot smoking, none of the three could remember which island the Statue of Liberty is even on and failed.
Nakedman: You can bet that already puts The System in contention for April’s UCE STARS OF THE MONTH!
Holy Evil: As for the Fed Killers, this month Empozible became deaf. And that’s not to mention his Meth withdrawal. The FKs also hired Charlie Manson, who thought he was Jesus and tried to kill Beau Ring… aka… Judas, who was rescued by Priestess.
Nakedman: Rasputin and Sickboy came in with connections to UCE stockholder Travis Blumpkins as enforcers. This teamed them up uncomfortably with Battlestone, who had issues with newcomers Strider and Laz. Partners Strider and Lazareth had to take it out on each other though - when they were booked in a hardcore match against one another. And if that wasn’t enough, the two were also involved in a large Black Sheep bar fight, which was given commentary by the hilariously drunk Necropus and Highland Terror.
Holy Evil: Yeah, those two certainly do get crazy when they are drunk.
Nakedman: Necro also pulled off alternative commentaries when he brought in his own announcing team, Into the Breach and Divinity, to replace the standard team on a Monday Mindwarp. The move probably was protesting all the announcing staff changes. Announcer Morgan Solie said goodbye to the UCE in April, though it didn’t surprise me with the way he and Gooch got screwed around with by the commishes and replaced. Latter in the month, even crippled ol’ Violent Jack got a commentary job. It was hilarious when the Fed Killers tossed his him into the crowd… his life was saved only by his landing on a fat woman! Fortunately, new commish Fats rectified the situation and has restored Solie and Gooch to their proper roles.
Holy Evil: Mr. Spite and Darkwolfe, an AoD hater, had quite a feud this month as well. Mr. Spite showed total class and sophistication when he dragged around the dead body of Wingnut out to a match with him! This same match birthed Arsenic’s plots to steal Wingnut’s dead body, and showed off his evil explosive ping-pong balls. But Arsenic wasn’t the only one with complicated devices, as I too came out in a match against Johnny XS in April wearing a mechanized robo-suit which gave me super human strength!
Nakedman: Yeah, but wasn’t that suit controlled by an electric cord?
Holy Evil: SILENCE!!! I won the UC Title in that match and that is all that matters!
Nakedman: You still choked in the USOB finals against Haley that month though.
Holy Evil: DAMN YOU! I said SILENCE!
Nakedman: So, uhh, before that… didn’t you, Arsenic and Darkwolfe get into a little mini-feud or something?
Holy Evil: Yes indeed! Arsenic was a little mad at the times we tore down his bed-sheet wall. And Darkwolfe, well, he just hated us both, especially after Arsenic interfered in his Hellraiser fight and stabbed him in the arm with SARS Kool-Aid.
Nakedman: Oh yeah, that’s also where you blasted Arsenic with his “Lame Ray” that automatically turns people lame and boring. Yet it didn’t do anything to Arsenic. Because he is already lame.
Holy Evil: Hehehe…
Nakedman: Yeah, good one. *rolls eyes* Anyway, Static was re-united with his buddy Johnny XS in April. And XS announced that April would be his last month before he called it quits “for good.” They were distracted from many of their matches this month though, due to college basketball games.
Holy Evil: I also recall the feud between the Fed Killers and Psychotic Goodness heating up. I’m sure Ex-FKer Ginger was none too happy when Gent and Emp kidnapped an injured Mortality from the hospital. She had been in a car accident or something. The resulting actions led to a giant brawl involving 8 people that essentially threw away all the rules in a match that was booked to be 3-man-tag bout.
Nakedman: Ah yes, for a good portion of April the Tag Title Gimmick was that it was now a 3-Man-Tag thing.
Holy Evil: Ugggg… too many plotlines going on this month!
Nakedman: Yeah, it was a hefty month. To quickly sum some more things up… Psychotic Goodness again grabbed onto the tag titles and represented the UCE in the T3SOB, Arsenic lost the body of Wingnut to Positron in a “Carcass on a Pole” match.
Holy Evil: -refereed by Me!
Nakedman: Ah, right. Going on… Static surprisingly announced his retirement mid-month in a match versus Battlestone; Death Jr. strived to become Highland Terror’s new friend; Ginger and Mort won the T3SOBs and made it apparent that this would be there last month around; but what I will remember most about the UCE in April is JMan’s interview with Atlantis.
Holy Evil: Why so?
Nakedman: Well, mostly because of this…
Atlantis: You mention the BRB and whilst you are always tipped to have a great chance, you always fail.Holy Evil: Yeah, I was wondering how you’d work that in.JMan: Don't remind me. I was beaten by Ashlira during my visit as a NGPW rep. And of course, there had been the defeat by Nakedman.
Atlantis: Yes, that's right.
Nakedman: http://www.oocities.org/tapman_comics !!!!
Holy Evil: As for April’s PPV… it was “Avalon.” When death jr. failed to show for a match against Dan Haven, Dan dressed up as Spider Dan and Necro showed up to fight a giant robot. Austin Hardy defeated Beau Ring in a Hellraiser Title match, despite copious pot smoking with Nick Bronze before the match. Wingnut magically came back to life and got into an “evil” fight with Arsenic, where the two tried to rack up “evil points” against one another. And Wingy and Vile, the two UCE Hall of Fame Candidates got in the ring with Arsenic, already a UCE HoFer, and fought it out for the NC Title. In the end Vile won but still would drop his belt upon leaving the fed. Vile’s consolation prize, of course, was his induction into the UCE Hall of Fame. Wingy didn’t quite make it himself… yet. FINALLY, me and Necro fought in a match that was both a UC Championship match and a qualifier for the Bar Room Brawl. I totally won. I’m sure there were other matches too or something, but who cares? If you want to know that much go look at the Wrassle Fed News Archives or something.
Nakedman: Indeed. And although Atlantis said goodbye at about this time, there was still an Atlantis Awards… this time given out by new reporter PANDORA! Mikey Ripper totally thought she was hot, even though she’s a shemale.
Holy Evil: Haha! And the UCE ATLANTIS AWARDS for April 2003 went to…
Best Angle/Feud: The SystemNakedman: And there you have it. So, who have I chosen to represent as the most important players of the month? It’s quite obvious from the things mentioned above as well as other things that I totally never even got to with all that happened in the month! Those other things include riding a rocket to Staten Island, battling Inactive Zombie Pirates and Holy Evil’s warriors of hell. My friends, all the members of THE SYSTEM are the UCE STARS OF APRIL 2003!
Best Match: Psychotic Goodness vs. Priestess and Oni Chan
Best Newcomer: Dan Haven
Best Comedic Act: Arsenic
Best Tag Team: Psychotic Goodness
Best Roleplayer: Necropus
Best Heel: Rasputin
Best Face: Highland Terror
Best Wrassler: Necropus
Holy Evil: Curses to them for being funnier than the AoD that month!
Nakedman: I know. Hopefully the AoD will do better in… dunn dunn DUNNN… MAY!!!!