Holy Evil: New additions to the UCE at the beginning of the July were Alex Asylum, Basketcase, The Prodigy, Mr. Conservative, Bad Guy, Krunchy, and Neoprene. Some people who had been in the UCE earlier in the year CAME BACK AGAIN – they were Prototype, Mikey Ripper, Nick Bronze, and Chainsaw Max.
Nakedman: Quite a few left to make room though. In July, UCE said adios to SynfulVixen, Lazareth, Law Martin, The Rouge, J-Man, Camus, Masko de Tequila, How Sow, Chabbu, Sickboy, and Strider. Not to mention that Nick Bronze, after only just coming back, left for SAFE again after a short masking as “Dr. Briebler” with a Carney Crew reincarnation angle.
Holy Evil: I, of course, am the most important story of July, because I am awesome. I was finally able to be sung back into adult form by the horrible, horrible Celine Dion. I was even able to beat crappy Battlestone and take the National Carnage Title!
Nakedman: Say, didn’t you essentially make a promise to him that if he handed the title over to you, you would befriend him? Even with his lame drill sergeant gimmick?
Holy Evil: Ermm…
Nakedman: And speaking about holding people to their words… what about you trying to hold Prototype to an old AoD contract?
Holy Evil: Yeah, that’s right. Technically, he was still under AoD contract… who would know that he would take offense when I ordered him to shine my shoes?
Nakedman: What a jerk!
Holy Evil: Yeah. So then that ass broke away and formed that lame commie stable, The Institution. And he took Mikey Ripper along with him! *shakes fist*
Nakedman: I know, Mikey sure is a stable whore. If only Captain Stormerica were around to fight the commies again!
Holy Evil: But back to the more important topic of me… I was planning on getting married to Rude Girl when all my plans for the month were changed, some would say “ruined,” by that concoction I made!
Nakedman: Ooo! Do tell!
Holy Evil: I tried to make a potion that would make me strong and undefeatable when I got angry… Just like the Incredible Hulk!
Nakedman: But the potion was as unsuccessful as the movie?
Holy Evil: Kind of. The problem was that the potion made me huge and uncontrollable when I was calm and then small and dumb when I was angry.
Nakedman: Wow, so it was all backwards and stuff, huh?
Holy Evil: Yeah, whenever I morphed into small size I couldn’t remember anything.
Nakedman: Great gimmick! Sounds like we have a potential for you to be one of the STARS OF THE MONTH!
Holy Evil: Oh, I had better be. …I had better be.
*strokes knife*
Nakedman: HEY! I thought I was the one who had the knife!
Holy Evil: Anyway, back to the Institution. Joining the traitorous Mikey and Proto were Alex Asylum and Basketcase. After Alex and Basket swerved their hated manager “Executive Psycho” they did zany commie things. Asylum changed the name of the Nemesis Title to the “Wraakgodin Title” and was involved in a three day long beat down! Meanwhile Basketcase, with Russian fur hat, was involved with Mickey Ripper in taking over the feds water supply and the cloning of Stalin! Mikey even used a Stalin clone to beat people in matches.
Nakedman: Yeah, and he also went around stabbing people, especially Slim Pickens, with his bayonet… and later he got a shovel. He stole Mr. Conservative’s underscore and knocked him out with it… then at the PPV he beat Mr. C thanks in part to the fact that Stalin clone #24 was a certified referee! Mikey furthermore forced everyone at the Communist Cafeteria to eat nothing but SPAM! This very SPAM was used to smack Highland Terror in the head in a match he had with Basketcase.
Holy Evil: Let’s see what Prototype had to say about the Institution in a sit-down with Rick Reason…
Rick Reason: Boy, this is exciting fans! So, Tell me, Prototype, why did you choose the UCE?Holy Evil: One of the prime opponents of the Institution was the System… and the System was on the move again. Dan Haven again had to fight his stablemate Necropus, who was UC Champ, MVP and BMF all at the same time. In the first card of the month Dan swiped away Necro’s UC Title for himself! Necro was probably asking for it though, as he went crazy and started giving out “title shots” to everyone. But these “title shots” were like “title shots to the skull.” Dan then became a double champ when he and Stan Daniels (The Team of Dan Daniels) took the UCE Tag Titles and headed to the T3SOB at midmonth. Dan also became “Spider Dan” for a while, Stan Daniels became the Green Stantern and Necro turned into Golfman.Prototype: Well, it was a simple choice. UCE or CWA. And Maverick is like a vacuum cleaner...
Rick Reason: : (interrupts) You mean he sucks?
Prototype: No, he's full of ****. And don't interrupt me again, fecalator, or I'll send you flying into the wall like a gay crash test dummy.
Rick Reason: What's going on with this Communist bit you're doing?
Prototype: It's not a 'bit'. Comrade. Myself and the rest of the Institution are sick and tired of the endless, money-grubbing, self-serving capitalist attitude that pervades wrassle dot net. We have colluded and combined our efforts into promoting a better way to run things. Communism is not a political theory, it is a way of mind. To do your best not for yourself, but for the group. To free the working man from the shackles of the oppression of the elite. And to wear these awesome furry hats.
Rick Reason: Speaking of the Institution, what is that all about?
Prototype: Read the stable bio. Ass.
Rick Reason: What are your thoughts on the competition here in the UCE?
Prototype: There isn't any. The other groups in the UCE seem to believe in quantity over quality. They are all using one another to try and become 'top dog'. It's grubbing in the dirt for scraps. The Institution will smash them into the ground like a T-34 tank driving over a Buick.
Rick Reason: Who are the Top 3 or 5 targets of the Institution today in the UCE?
Prototype: No one is really worth mentioning. They're all too pathetic.
Rick Reason: I hear this thing is wrassle wide? Is that true?
Prototype: No. A wrassle wide group is beset by problems, and only an idiot would ever try and start one. A good stable can span two, maybe three feds. Any more than that, and it's not one stable. The Institution are awesome. Awesome like thunder. And we will continue to be awesome, but only in the two or three feds we deem worthy of our presence.
Rick Reason: So are you the leader, because I see Alex Asylum is listed...
Prototype: We speak with one voice. Sort of like the Borg, but less gay.
Nakedman: Goodbye “Serious System” I guess?
Holy Evil: Goodbye indeed! Especially after the time in the Dan Haven–Necropus UC Title fight where Tony Gooch attacked Dan’s valet Diana because he thought she was a giant Taco.
Nakedman: In other news, with Sickboy gone… Rasputin teamed up with Mr. Conservative. The Mad Russian had a number of early month dreams which led him to accelerate his religious fanaticism. Conservatives are the natural allies of religious fanatics, and the two – along with valet Ilyana and Bad Guy – feuded with people like Synfulvixen, Highland Terror, and the Prodigy. They also had everyone searched by T.S.A. Airport Security Guards and bottled water to fight the communists!
Holy Evil: Speaking of Rasputin, which we kind of still were, can anyone forget when the Prodigy attacked Rasputin with a lead pipe and tried to frame Highland Terror for it?
Nakedman: Yeah. I forgot about that.
Holy Evil: Oh… well, in other stories… Neoprene, who totally beat Nakedman in the Bar Room Brawl’s final round, showed up at midmonth with his Neolytes.
Nakedman: Grrr!
Holy Evil: Also, Krunchy formed “KandyBar Inc.” with Krispy, and then quickly turned on him to un-form it and join the Institution. Ah… but then guess what? By the end of the month they teamed up and formed it again. Complicated, no? Krispy was also kicked into another dimension accidentally by his good narrator buddy Nar while playing “Narball.”
Nakedman: Chainsaw Max too engaged in random antics. He dumped a bucket of water on Deacon Kross and Austin Hardy and then rammed a stun gun into the water and zapped the hell out of them! Hahaha! Such silly shenanigans! Max also had Boomquisha fall in love with his sexy legs, though nobody likes Boomquisha, so forget about it. THEN Max transformed into Dungo-Max to join the T-Ex–to–Carney angle with the soon-to-be-inactive Nick Bronze. But after that died off and he lost his Dungo-esque powers, he tried to fake that he still had them in a match with Dan Haven and intimidate him into giving up the UC Title. The plan failed, however, when Max punctured his inflatable muscle suit on the ring stairs!
Holy Evil: And now for a couple of random moments from July 2003!
Nakedman: Austin Hardy launches a new gimmick – and that gimmick is that he has no gimmick. He makes no gimmick entrances by wearing no gimmick ring attire and coming out to no gimmick music. This continued until T-Ex fell back on their Namibian obsession again by forming a Namibian wildlife preservation fund known as 'Namibians Against Destroying Species' (NADS).
Holy Evil: The Neolytes beat up Mikey Ripper for dressing up like Prototype… and Mikey Ripper tries to get his revenge by RAPING NEOPRENE!
Nakedman: That Mikey sure loves to rape people a lot.
Holy Evil: Yep. In valet news… Mary Mayhem shows up as Stan Daniel’s valet, while Dan Haven’s valet Diana goes Team Right Wing! Tough break, lovebirds.
Nakedman: In other boring female character news… Mortality and Rude Girl have a Catfight Title feud as Necro and Holy’s lame NPCs.
Holy Evil: HEY!
Nakedman: Necropus also breaks character in a candid interview with Rick Reason to reveal his real personality. Really, his character and real personality aren’t that different as his character is gay. OHHH!!!
Holy Evil: Rasputin defeated Deacon Kross in a midmonth match where he blinded him via by projectile vomit to the eyes!
Nakedman: At the “Social Disorder” PPV, Prototype defeats Neoprene in a race at the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum to represent the UCE in the Bar Room Brawl!
Holy Evil: And at the July Atlantis Awards, the big winners were…
Best Face: Stan DanielsNakedman: Wow. That’s the SECOND time Stan Daniels won “most improved” in 2003! I guess that means he sucked, got good, then sucked, then got good again, huh?
Best Heel : Mr. Conservative
Best Gimmick: Mr. Conservative
Best Roleplayer: Necropus
Most Valuable Player: Dan Haven
Best Drama: TIE: Necropus & Rasputin
Best Comedy: Mikey Ripper
Best Tag Team: Dan Haven & Stan Daniels
Best Angle: The Institution - Communist takeover
Best Newcomer: Mr. Conservative
Most Improved: Stan Daniels
Holy Evil: *shrugs*
Nakedman: And now for the moment that only I have been waiting for… the time where I unilaterally declare the best of the best. The UCE STARS OF JULY 2003 were those crazy commies… THE INSTITUTION!
Holy Evil: -and Holy Evil for his Hulk gimmick!
Nakedman: No.
Holy Evil: Screw you.
Nakedman: And speaking of August! Let’s go there now!
Holy Evil: We weren’t talking about august.