thoughts

October 28, 2001

...sometimes a person just has to express themselves, and what better way than to write down our thoughts.
I learned long ago, that there are many ways that one can express themselves to eliminate the things that clog their thinking, bogging them down, at times even keeping them from functioning properly.
Simply writing down the things that are stressing them can help to eliminate some of the lingering pain within.

..........The INVISIBLE LETTER..................
Over the years I have written a few (invisible) letters to those that have somehow caused me pain in one way or the other. I get it all out, say what is on my mind, and then set it aside, knowing that I have said my peace and relieved myself of all of my own negative thoughts.
Later on, pick up the letter, read it., and them tear it up. As you destroy the letter, you destroy the words and the thoughts , and you have found a way to express the stress of the painful feelings, a way to clear your mind, and have found a simple way to heal your heart.
At this point, one must consider the person that has hurt you as someone that is under stress or in pain themselves, someone incredibly unhappy, or abused by someone themselves. At times I try to view the person as a child , as many times, this is what is speaking out in their situation. Adults, mature adults, simply don't normally use those methods. Unless there is a logical reason.
Often this works better than discussing the situation with the person, as many times the painful thoughts and words expressed may cause more pain, or create more problems.
We will learn throughout our lives, how to deal with each person within our lives.
Those that we see and speak with on a daily or weekly basis, and those that we see occasionally.
If we are to maintain a healthy emotional well-being, we must learn to "handle" each person and each situation.. We learn who we can speak openly with , talk things over with, share our burdens wiith, be humorous with, talk seriously with, and in some cases,learn who are the ones that we must learn to write the invisible letter to. We learn who we cannot deal with and must learn to avoid confrontations with that person, and in some cases, may have to avoid the person altogether.
There are those, like myself, that may at times lose control of words through a physical inbalance within the metabolism or the brain itself. Many of the most loving and gentle of people have suffered episodes, seizures, or metablic changes that can create a negative personality disorder. If you know of someone like this, that gets upset easily under stress or illness, you may want to try to work with them to help them to know that you understand they didn't mean to be that way.
Let them know that you were very hurt and that you want to help them to learn to control the situations that upset them. Tell them you forgive them, but that you are not strong enough to take continued abuse. Ask them what you can do to help, what easily upsets them, what sets them off, what you can learn to do to help get them through their episode.
Some may just need some "space" >......< or a break getting some fresh air can work wonders.
If at all possible, ask them to step outside for some fresh air. If once outside, they calm and start to relax, it is a definite case of panic and/or anxiety set off by claustrophobia.
You many not be aware that by simply leaving them alone when they are upset and backing off from their territory , they may regain composure.
There are thousands of people that suffer from a form of claustrobia that is "set off" when someone is over their shoulder , breathing to close to them, ( or by them breathing YOUR scents, your perfume, hairpspray, cologne, or even your chemical make-up!) can cause them to have an "emotional episode" that they may not be able to control.
Many people simply can't handle too many instructions at once, fast talkers, loud voices, or simple feeling "closed in" around too many people, or "trapped" in a small room or area.
This malady is more common than you can imagine, and often is the cause for many office upsets.
In a similar situation, even at home, leaning over someone at the computer, reading, or cooking, working on crafts, etc., can make someone have that "trapped" and "closed-in" feeling.
(and yes, even your children drawing, writing, and reading. ) Yet, if someone turns and "snaps" at us, most of us at one time or the other would have a natural feeling that they want to come back with a negative comment or response
If you are not able to handle the situation with love and kindness (we know this doesn't ALWAYS work with some ...) then express your inner complaints and resentments towards their comments with an invisible letter.
Then the next time you see them, you will be strangely at peace, and they will surely wonder why their attack did not bring you down.
Go on with your daily work, passing them by as an acquantance until they start treating you with the respect that you deserve and earned.
Also, remember this, some words are not worthy of a response.
Usually negative words are spoken out of some sort of pain or sorrow, anyway.
Shake the rude comment from your mind as you would dust and mud from your feet.
If it continues to dirty up your shoes, avoid the mud puddle again if possible.
If that is not an option, learn to wear protection.
Don't let the dirt penetrate , tell yourself it is not your dirt and you will wash it away.
If you have a great love for your fellow man and cannot stand having someone "dislike" you, then you have to learn to deal with that person AND their problems, one obviously being a lack of self control with words and emotions.

I, for one, have a tendency with some to simply turn my back and walk away, and to avoid those that cause me pain, (unless they are close to me.) Call me cruel. I am not so sure this is right, but it seems to work for me. I do at times wonder, though, if the person isn't just seeking contention, attention, or help in some way.
If it is a family member or someone I want to continue dealing with, I do try to work with the person.
If it is something that I myself, said, I let them know I am sorry, that I care,that I do sometimes get upset easily, and explain what it was that upset me and what is likely to upset me to try to avoid the same or a similar situation from reoccuring.

Above all ...Learn NOT to take rude comments personally ."Be True to Yourself" and love yourself, and it will be more natural for you to be true to and to treat others kindly and with compassion.