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[09.13.03] ololiuqui
I have to admit, this was not at all what I was thinking when I first spotted the word. First thing that came to mind was something akin to a soliloquy, maybe like an oligoqui (which isn't a word, but could be like a group soliloquy, if say a number of characters were sharing the exact same thought...) anyways, shows what i know... [09.12.03] John Ritter recently passed away. I remember him primarily from Three's Company and the Problem Child movies. There were so many things I was going to write about today, but now that I'm actually at the computer, I just don't feel like writing as much anymore. Well, maybe I do, but I don't know where to start this time. I'm also starting to feel sleepy. I was just thinking about a lot of crap today. So what follows will just be random selection from my contemplations today. Last night the grad society had a pub crawl. Seeing as how I spend most days in a lab in the basement of a hospital with little contact with others my age, I decided to partake in said crawl. (Mental note: pre-drinking before a pub crawl is rather unnecessary) Good times were had by me (and i think most others who were present). I met a lot of fun, friendly civil engineers. Now, I usually don't evaluate people, or groups, especially in relation to others, but meh. I must say, the engineers i met last night seemed to be a much funner group of people than any group of engineers I met in my 4 years at UW. That is not to say that all engineers at UW are no fun, or all losers, or anything like that (i've had good times with a number of engineers at UW), but as a whole, well, okay, i'm not going to say what particularly i dislike about the group. I always feel that it's best for people to make their judgements of others (if they are the judging type) primarily based on their own experiences. Obviously if someone talks about you behind your back all the time to others, it's unlikely that they'll tell you they're doing so, but still, here's my thing... just because say two people are both generally kind, caring, well-meaning individuals, doesn't mean they'll necessarily have compatible personalities. So even if someone who i trust wholeheartedly tells me that so and so's no fun to hang out with, i'd usually still consider meeting this other individual. I dunno, i like... not all people, but meeting people at least... i mean, if you dislike someone, it really doesn't take that long to turn the other way and start walking. I'm not going to bore you with the details of the previous nights festivities, because those who know me know in general what i'm like at such festivities (and for those who don't, i apologize, but again, i'm kinda sleepy right now). So today I had to attend this Introduction to Animal Care Course. It ended up being from 9 am to about 3 pm. Anyone who has taken one of these courses will know, they are far from entertaining. Having attended 2 such courses now (previously for work with fishes at Waterloo, this time for mammals), I'm going to share a little beef I have about these courses. Now first off, of the many people I know who have taken this course (at least the introductory one), none have ever had anything good to say about it. It's pretty much a waste of time, and I am going to try to justify this. Now it's not that all the information is useless or anything like that. They do give out some very useful information, and it is a good introduction for one who has never worked with animals before. But here's the thing, they always give out handouts. And these handouts are usually pretty good. Though this time all it consisted of was all the slides from the presentations. So, we're in this room for about 4 1/2 hours. And pretty much any of the information that we're being given verbally is already on the handouts (except for the presenter's little personal anecdotes). And pretty much any information I'd actually use in a lab, I'd probably need to look up at the time when it was applicable anyways. Basically, instead of wasting probably what was I'd estimate about 500 man(/people) hours, they could've more effectively just given us the information in a booklet for us to read and refer to. And if they wanted to make sure we'd read it just give us like a mini take-home test highlighting the keypoints to make sure we at least got those. The best way to learn about something like the proper care of animals anyways (imho) is to just to hang around someone who's experienced at it and watch and question. I mean, I admit, there were times when I was looking around the class out of pure boredom, and at certain points in time probably at least 50% of the class was not paying attention to the presenter. I saw people dozing off, I saw people reading books hidden behind clipboards, I saw people writing down what certainly were not notes on the presentation. Just because people are sitting in front of you while you're talking doesn't necessarily mean they're taking in everything you're saying. Especially when you prolong an already dull presentation with inane anecdotes. If you're making a presentation that you know people are obligated to attend but not looking forward to, don't belabour any points more than you need to. This to me was just another example of how much time and money is wasted due all the red tape imposed upon us either due to the carelessness of a few senseless individuals and/or one group trying to cover their hides so they can free themselves of any blame if something goes wrong. [09.10.03] Of all the vices, I'd have to say that the one I just find purely ridiculous is pride. All the others I can see the justification behind (even if i don't necessarily agree with them, though that's not to say whether i do or don't). But lookee here, to me, here's the argument against being proud. Take your deity of choice (for the purpose of this entry I'm just going to use the term God, you can interpret it as whatever higher being, law, underlying foundation of all things you want). So one could argue that instead of being proud of the things you've accomplished, you should be thankful that you were given the ability to accomplish such things. Even if you believe you were only given the potential or capacity, and it was still up to you to bring it all into realization, one could still argue that you were granted the insight, wisdom, will power or what have you to recognize your abilities and to reach your full potential. Okay, so instead of being proud, maybe we should just be thankful. But then look at the flipside of this. Anyone who does any harm, or holds any ill will can blame it on this same power (and I'm sure there's an argument against this from any religion, but again, I not being a theologist don't know all the arguments and can't think of any specific ones at this moment, though those who can are free to enlighten me). To me, pride comes hand in hand with responsibility. I'm proud of the things I've accomplished because I do recognize the other roads I could've travelled down. Then again, my hamartia has always been my hubris (ah, the Stone Angel, that's all I've ever taken away from that story). Granted there's a distinct line between plain pride and stubborn pride, but do they not have the same roots? Obviously, like with anything else, pride in and of itself can be healthy, as long as it's kept in check. But anyways, to me, to be proud of something is to acknowledge the fact that that 'something' resulted from your choices and actions. So where was I going with this? Be proud if only to be responsible. [09.07.03] I haven't really travelled in a while. I don't think I've left the continent in say probably about fourteen years now. Sadly I don't think I even leave the province more than two or three times a year. And even then, more often than not it's just to travel southward to visit our not so neighborly neighbors. This has been probably a result of my lack of funds more than anything else. Certainly not because of a lack of time. I'm kind of disappointed in a way. There are a great deal many things I'd like to see in the world, not too mention experience. But here's the thing. There's probably still a great number of places in Ontario that I haven't been to either. Granted that if I haven't been there yet as of this time chances are they're not that noteworthy, but then I've always been about the little things. I'm one of those who sees the artistic merit in everything. Perhaps that's not the exact term i'm looking for. I don't know if beauty is right either though. I dunno. Maybe it's just an appreciation for the uniqueness in everything. Like snowflakes. But extended to everything. I mean take two brick walls of identical dimensions. I doubt that even any two bricks are identical (if someone wants to argue with me on this point be my guest; i may not partake in this argument myself, but whoever chooses to is free to). I mean if you look close enough at the exact colouring and texture of each side. Of course if you say look at it at a molecular level it'd be even less likey, but even at a level observable to us, there are still so many nuances in shape and shade. And the fact that they serve a functional purpose only makes me appreciate them more. There are those who'd argue that the greatest works of art are those that serve no functional purpose. That it is those things who's only role is to perhaps make you appreciate the beauty of whatever it depicts or to make you think, even if only for a moment, of the situation of something or someone you wouldn't otherwise consider. But to me, functionality just adds another dimension of, well, i guess i'll just use the term beauty for the time being. (is my diction dilapidating?...) There was a time (a short span of time i think) where wherever I went, I'd just look at things, usualy focusing on say a one or two foot square at a time, and just try to absorb as much as i could within that area. This is around the time when I first truly gained I think what I would consider a greater appreciation for life. Say just picture the edge of a sidewalk somewhere where it meets the grass. I'd think of how man evolved the capacity to come up with cement. And how long it'd taken to get to this point where we could pretty much lay down sidewalks and stretches of grass wherever we want. And how civilizations have evolved through time. I'd think of how long grass has been along for and how too it's evolved, in particular those species we now use regularly in our landscaping. Then I'd think, as i often did, about how everything had led to me standing where I was at that point in time. I'd think of near death experiences, and relationships I'd been lucky enough to partake in. And I'd think I've lived life. Y'know, instead of waiting to live. I'm going to now start talking/writing on my view of the meaning/goal of life i guess, but i'm going to apologize in advance for not completing that thought (as i've learned that my attention span is rather limited). There are those who think that life should simply be enjoyed. And this is the view that I side with. In view of everything that goes on in the world, and through the span of time, one's existence for the most part is inconsequential. Yes, perhaps those who partook and partake in the development of say weapons of mass destruction have had a damnable affect on our existence and may very well compromise the way we live our lives. But still, when/if that meteor/asteroid or whatever other large random hunk of crap that's floating around in space comes to meet and greet us in a most intimate manner, well, everything we've done as a species could very well be inconsequential then. At this point, I realize that this may just sound like a cop out. But let me continue. I don't think that one should go through life not giving a damn about anyone else simply because we all *might* be smote from the Earth tomorrow. But I do believe in not worrying about things that are simply beyond my control. Actually I just don't believe in worrying about things. I do believe in planning ahead, and doing what you can to be prepared, but if you can't forsee something happening, then you can't very well plan for it. And if you don't forsee it happening, why worry about it Worrying just tires me out and frustrates me. At present I am primarily concerned with maintaining my existence, and secondarily concerned about my happiness. My happiness is something that is not easily compromised though for it primarily comes from my relationships and an appreciation for both what i do have and don't have. And I think that if one can appreciate those two things, one'll never have reason to be depressed. When I was saddened, it was because i did lose this view. So what has all this led to?... well, for one, it's led to rather exorbitant phone bills, for i see no better way of spending those few dollars i do earn than on maintaining my relationships. Not that said relationships are high maintenance really but i derive more happiness from phone calls than i do from most other things (... well, most other things you could spend money on... legally...). Material things generally don't entice me much unless their highly functional or aesthetically pleasing since all things seem to go obsolete with time, and really, I just like looking at pretty things. Now here's why I'm in science. I believe it's the scientists (and maybe to a lesser extent the engineers) who have led us to the quality of life we enjoy today (i may go into this a little more if i don't get bored of this soon; yes, i am biased in this matter). Mathemagicians are okay too, but still, I think you have to apply their knowledge to other fields before they achieve utility. Being in science, I actually feel like I am part of something (or at least have the opportunity to be). Go into any university library and look at the shelves of periodicals. There's a wealth of knowledge there that collectively is probably beyond the scope of any one person. And when I become a part of that, I"ll have started my journey to joining the ranks of all those who we owe our current standard of living along with our understanding of the world to. And I'm going to stop now. (okay, i lied. I think in the course of writing all this [i.e. today's entry] i thought of about 20 different things i wanted to go in depth into, but obviously didn't... i think i do tend to ramble on at times) [09.05.03] So, I just did something I didn't think i'd ever do. I ended up using one of those AOL free trial CDs. And I don't mean just as a wall ornament or coaster as i usually do, but to actually get on the intermanet. Real net-access is just too costly for me now that i'm living alone. Actually a lot more things have become too costly. But nevermind that. So after wandering around campus like a lost frosh the last couple days I finally managed to get registered into my program and the required classes and all that business so at least I can relax for a couple more days. Unfortunately, there's so much I've yet to learn about gastrointestinal physiology. Fortunately, I don't see much else I have to give my time to, for the time being at least. Anyways, nothing terribly exciting has happened really since I've moved in, so for now, I'm just going to get off the internet and go in search of supper. 12:40 a.m. : (i know, technically it's the 6th, but i've just never considered a day ended until i go to bed, anyways...) Do you ever feel like you're getting old? And I don't mean just older but actually old. I dunno. Clubbing is just an example of one of those things that use to be fun and just such a regular occurence. As of the last couple months though i don't think i've gone more than once a month. I'm not saying once you stop feeling like going clubbing on a regular basis you must be getting old, but to me, it's just another one of those things. Regardless, i always told myself i'd stop clubbing by the time i was 26 (or 24) i can't remember which exactly, but i just decided i never wanted to become one of those guys you always notice at clubs that just so looks like he doesn't belong. Not that I think 26 or 24 is too old to still be clubbing or that I'm not aging gracefully but there just has to be a point and that's the mark i set for myself. Anyways, it's friday night. I was watching Taxi Driver earlier while eating supper. And just feeling drained and felt like sleeping at around 9-9:30ish. Mind you i had had a long day/week and been waking earlier the last couple days than i have been for most of the last 4 months, but wooo, lemme tells ya, it's not the feeling of being young, hip, and happenin'. meh. Growing old isn't all that bad though. Some days i just wait for the day when i can wear my khaki's up to me teets with my plaid golf shirt and just tell stories from days of yore to those who wish to hear them or are just being polite. I like stories. [08.31.03] I'm leaving for Queen's tomorrow so I thought I'd jot something down here now since I'm not sure how long it'll be until I get net access again. Of course I've been spending the last week doing everything I should've been doing over the course of the last couple months in preparation for my return to school so nothing terribly exciting has happened recently or at least that seem's worth writing about (but then again that's never stopped me before). I remembered one of the dreams I had last night... vaguely now. I remembered it pretty clearly when I woke up and debated for a moment whether or not to write down what I did recall of it, but then decided against it since, well, I'm lazy like that. It was good though, in that I was involved in a gunfight, but this time I wasn't close to dying when I woke up. I'm one of those people who come close to death a lot in thier dreams. By which I mean I usually wake up around when I would die if whatever was happening was happening to me in the real world. More and more now though I'm finding that it's with a conscious effort (or at least as conscious as you can be in a dream) that I wake up. Back in the day it use to be that I would be in a free fall after going off a cliff, building or aircraft, or bleeding from a bullet wound and on my way to death when I woke up. Sometimes now though when I feel threatened or feel impending pain and the possibility of death though I manage to think to myself "well, I guess i'm pretty much done for so let's just hope this is a dream and let's try to wake up now, since if it's not a dream i'm pretty much done for anyways" and i usually manage to wake up. Though even without that thought i'd probably wake up soon after anyways. But that's beside the point. I've had an interest in lucid dreaming for a while now (probably since sometime in high school), but have rarely been able to achieve lucidity. Well, actually, from time to time I do realize when I'm in a dream state, but the majority of the time I end up waking up shortly after that despite my intentions. I've tried a number of lucid dream induction techniques but with little success. Of course a big part of this I can attribute to my laziness in general (as many of the techniques do require practice, unless you're one of those who has the uncanny ability to not only control your thoughts but also direct your own attention while in the dream state. In which case, lucid dreaming should be no trouble for you). So, what did I hope to accomplish from lucid dreaming? Nothing in particular. Those who know me at least somewhat well know how well I enjoy breaks from reality. I dunno... maybe it's just all the red tape, or just laws (man's and nature's) and social conventions and such that bug me about reality. Oh, and don't forget the ignorant... oh, how they too bug me. Hmmm... I just realized that in most dreams I can recall, there generally aren't too many dumbasses. Maybe I could use that as a cue. Maybe... Anyways, It's bedtime. [08.28.03] Patricia Heaton was on Conan last night (that is, she was on the Conan they showed last night. It very well may have been a repeat). Anyways, for those who don't know, she's the wife/mom on Everybody Loves Raymond. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of the show. It's just another one of those shows I watch during those slower time slots. Anyways, I felt bad for her just because she was another of those comedians whose jokes were apparently too intelligent for the crowd on hand. And I just hate the fact that smart humour ends up making them look less funny. But you have to give Conan (and most other good hosts) credit for dumbing it (the joke) down or elucidating what they mean so the crowd gets it and thus realizes how humourous the guest actually is. Oh, also stumbled across this while I was bumming around on the internet (my favourite part is where they talk about Jesus ;) . Now, those who know me also know that I don't exactly follow politics. And I'm generally also not too fond of Americans. And that American politicians especially just irk me. But today I also happened across a character who instilled a little faith in the American people in me. His name is Howard Dean. Having done wonders for Vermont as Governor, he is now vying for the Democratic presidential candidacy. As someone who is striving for universal health care for his country and who has openly opposed Bush for some time now, he has become one of those few Americans which I regard rather highly. [08.27.03] Tired, sleepy from trying to get all the crap needed for school and new apartment today. But must make note to self:
Why this note now? B/c I just received an invoice from those bastards the other day. You gotta like that eh. 3 months after I send them an application they finally do me the courtesy of responding. They tell me my offer of admission is in the mail, then I get my offer, then they send me an invoice - when they haven't heard from me in 3 months. Anyways, I'm not very fond of UT. I have nothing against anyone with any affiliation with UT in anyway (at least not knowlingly) but I do hate the institution as a whole. Okay, maybe that's going a bit far. Maybe. Anyways, I don't wanna bitch anymore right now, I'll bitch later. [08.26.03] Read
Things to do today:
[08.25.03] So, I had the joy of partaking in a couple more low-stakes poker games the last couple nights. Of course, coming out ahead only adds to the enjoyment, but honestly, winning or losing by itself rarely determines how much fun I have at poker. Even if i do lose, say ten dollars over the course of a couple of hours, that's still a lot less then I'd spend on a night out. Albeit some will argue that playing low-stakes takes away from some of the thrill of gambling, but then hey, I'm not a gambler. I like the game, and I like playing the game. And it's a lot easier to find or start up games of low-stakes when most of your closer friends aren't really as into the game. Plus, I'm not exactly a great poker player so low-stakes is just a lot more affordable. I've always been a fan of poker, but far from an afficionado (though by definition i guess there's no real distinction between the two, one being the 2 dollar word and the other being the 20 dollar word for the same thing; ne'erhteless i'm hoping those who read this get what i mean). Anyways, for me i guess it started with the movies. Long ago it started with God of Gamblers (and subsequently, the sequels that ensued). Later on it was the like of Rounders and Lock, Stock that maintained that interest. With regards to the game itself, I myself have only been playing for maybe about half a year now, but have grown rather fond of the game in that stretch. I like watching people. I love watching peoples' minds go. I guess I also just don't find myself that interesting to watch. Plus, for some reason, just watching people when they're watching television, playing video games, or reading, just isn't as entertaining (not to mention possibly a little creepy as well depending on the company you're with). sepia \Se"pi*a\
[08.21.03] gawdammit! (see, i do avoid using the lord's name in vain... when possible... that is when i remeber...anyways) I just typed this whole bit on Ararat (by Atom Egoyan) but then explorer crashed on me before i had a chance to save. Basically this is the gist of what I remember. The movie itself is about a flim-maker in Toronto making a film of the 1915 genocide of the Armenians by the Ottoman Turks. I myself have not had the opportunity to see the film yet but think it would be a worthwhile watch and think it is a story that more people should know about. Oh, i was originally spurred to write something on it cuz they had a bunch of actors from it on Night Life, you know that little bit they do on cfmt (now OMNItv) just before Letterman, and "T-Bone's" brother's girlfriend was in the film (but not on Nite Life, but i'm sure she had better things to do anyways... it's Nite life, seriously buddy). Oh yeah, i also decided long ago that i would never use any friend's real names in anything i make open to the public just in case i ever write anything incriminating, even if only to myself, just to avoid that association, y'know, just in case. Yes, i can be paranoid at times. I know why that is (do you?). [08.18.03] One thing I like about intangibles (i.e. certain intangibles) is their freedom from conventional mathematical rules. one plus one is two. But when we add, whatever we add must come from something else. And perhaps with that said, we've entered the realm of physics. Nevermind that though. As I was saying, or was going to say, I prefer those things of which I can give and receive at the same time, yet without anyone anywhere suffering a loss as a result. (note: there's no segwaying here, this is one of those things i decided to put on this site instead of the other b/c at the time, it seemed like it made sense... i think... at least that's my story...) And then, we'll come to a view through the scienmatician in me. I see no boundaries. No. That's not right, I see boundaries everywhere (some might even say abound). And it's not that i know no boundaries or understand no boundaries but that i also see the underlying lack of boundaries (i was going to add "really" or "in reality" but then i thought i'd just explain). So I see a fence with a bush amongst a night sky with stars and street and traffic lights. It's also kinda cold. But I look at the leaves and the fence. I see green and black and a bit of brown. I know these "colours" are simply a result of light of different wavelengths hitting different regions of my eye. I know that the shapes and textures are also a result of the differing pathlengths and angles individual rays of light have to take to reach the back of either eye. I know the complete picture arises in this "mind" of mine only as a result of certain electrical patterns arising in different groups of specialized cells after travelling through numerous other cell types as a pattern/sequence of electrical and chemical pulses. There are only so many elements, each consisting of some combination of some number of some "subatomic" particles moving and/or spinning around in some manner, or maybe even staying just perfectly still. Now think about how the length of a shoreline is dependent on the length of the ruler used (i.e. as our measuring stick gets shorter, the measured length of a shore will get longer). Well, i guess that's going into fractals, and me not being a math-keener shall go no further with that. But basically, what i think i was going to eventually try to get at is anywhere, in any place or thing, if you look at a small enough scale, there's always just going to be a certain number of "particles" moving or not moving, spinning or not spinning. Oh, don't even get me started on waves at this point. Now lemme tells ya about the rhubarb. These are the large and fleshy leafstalks of the Rheum Rhaponticum plant and other species of the same genus. They are pleasantly acidic and are used in cooking. The dried, bitter-tasting rhizome and roots of Rheum palmatum or R. officinale of eastern Asia, are also used as laxatives. I try to learn something new everyday. Remembering stuff though, that's a different story. So that's about when that entry ended. Actually it goes on for a couple more lines, and there's also a really over-simplified elucidation of that whole shoreline bidness, but regardless, i think what i was getting at before i had to cease writing and make my way home (only to sober up and so lose my zeal for writing at the time) and before that rhubarb business was that if you look at everything at a small enough scale, all boundaries cease to exist. Well, i guess except for the boundaries between the subatomic particles and the (temporary) vacuum alongside them. I know I over simplify things a lot. But i feel that these days way too many things are made so much more complicated then they really need be or should be. Oh, i also just remembered something else now. When I was writing down the above I was also thinking of something about the difference in the trials and tribulations that people now deal with compared to those of days gone by, and trying to distinguish between an "easier" life and a more "comfortable" life and trying to decide if there was any actual distinction (i.e. if something is "easier" is it necessarily more "comfortable"). But then i realized it'd probably just turn into another discourse on semantics, which i normally do enjoy, but just don't feel up to right now, so i think i'll just end today now. [08.13-17.03] Tales from Waterloo I tells ya (to come). [08.12.03] So, I was planning to update my other webpage more frequently over the summer, but well, those who know me know how well i stick to plans. Anyways, sometimes it just seemed like i was all over the place and things didn't really make sense. But then again, that was kind of the point of that other page when it first started. It wasn't suppose to be a collection of anything brilliant i'd done or stories i had to share with the world. It was about keeping tabs on what i'd done and just thoughts i had that i thought i might forget and wanted to keep. Or unfinished thoughts i thought i could finish off some time later. That page was started sometime during the second term of my first year at UW. For the most part it was just a diversion from studying, something for me to fiddle with when everyone else was passed out in the wee hours of the night. I dunno if it's really become anymore than that. But hey, it's still there while many other things/people have come and gone since then. Needless to say, I'm not the same person I was when i started all this. One would hope that, if nothing else, i've gotten at least more coherent. Anyways, that site is still gonne be kept up, and updated. My reason for starting this second site was kinda so my varied states of mind would each have thier own playground. So on these here pages will be my hopefully more coherent thoughts with some sort of closure, while the other site will house my more esoteric writings.
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