[1.1.04]

Happy New Year!

[12.25.03]

Merry Christmas! (Happy Holidays!)

[12.24.03]

happy birthday

[12.10.03]

So, I've decided to change my middle name... to Carl with an X. I've yet to decided how to spell it though (e.g. Xcarl, Xarl, Karl, or just not spell it out at all). I decided some while ago to change/make my middle initial (to) X as there are many others with the same full name as me, and for publication purposes it would be better to have a middle initial. And I like the letter X. Though many Chinese people typically have their Chinese name as their middle name, I've never been too fond of my Chinese name. Those who know it however may notice that Carl is really just a bastardized translitleration of it, so in a sense I feel like I'm still not totally abandoning my roots or what have you but have merely developed a more noteworthy (and thus hopefully more marketable name). I also like Carl with an X, since I figured i write/print messily enough that I could just write it out Xarl and still have it resemble Karl.

Tonight was the night of the GI department's Christmas party. I had a good time. Good fun and abundant beverages. I like parties. This was admittedly a somewhat classier affair than most get-togethers I attend, but ne'erhteless I managed to feel not too out of place.

After visiting Ram's Page, I was incited to look up some googlisms of my own name. Interesting (or simply flattering, or maybe more accurate) ones that came up are as follows:

vinnie is now a socialite
vinnie is called to washington to investigate a counterfeiting operation designed to sabotage the japanese
vinnie is in the limelight these days
vinnie is actually one of the funniest people we have met
vinnie is lavinia
vinnie is the central figure in the play which takes place in his apartment
vinnie is notorious for "defying explanation"
vinnie is a girl's best friend
vinnie is ranked as one of the top producing males in the united states
vinnie is all things that fate is
vinnie is a force to be reckoned with
vinnie is now a deluded barfly living in a small town in california
vinnie is a carefree fellow away from the worries of work
vinnie is mainly pissed off about his lost Buick
vinnie is not the brains at the school
vinnie is social most of the time, he likes to have his tummy rubbed gently

[12.3.03]

I got back a couple assignments today. I don't know what to think of the marks I got. They weren't terrible. I guess (/am hoping) they were average marks. Which isn't something to be too ashamed of in a class of 14 people, most of whom I think have demonstrated more knowledge and/or insight into the areas we've covered thus far. Though, I'm not sure what is an average mark any more. One thing about being in grad school is the that you also become an employee of the school. As a result, the school has a lot more to lose by you failing out as it loses a low wage researcher. So profs generally want you to succeed. Not to say that they just give out free marks now, but definitely noone's trying to... "screw you over" (just don't feel like trying to euphemise at the moment). So, I do expect class averages to be notably higher now than they were in undergrad classes (despite the lack of reflection of this in my own marks).To self-handicap and thus maybe make myself feel a bit better, I have to admit my efforts in these last few weeks had been somewhat lacking. I've just been frustrated. Or was... with experiments not going well... and... I don't know what else... I would say assignments, but really, the work load now is a lot lighter now than it use to be, at least from classes. I think those two presentations that one day just really sucked the life out of me.

Since then I've had the opportunity to spend a couple nights out dropping all considerations of school-related matters. Plus I've gotten more into the Christmas spirit. I really didn't feel in a festive mood for a while. I don't think the snow really help to change that. I think it's just that that much more school has been put behind me now and the break is just that much closer. A few days can do a lot, especially when you have no sense of time... and a really bad recollection.

Speaking of collections, my last shipment (of DVDs) arrived from Columbia House recently, consisting of Zoolander, Mallrats, and Van Wilder. I made a conscious decision this time for purchases that were less cerebral as I had found myself coming home on several occasions just wanting to give that negligible lump a rest. (And I do feel that much of it is negligible if you see your role as nothing more than to contribute to the survival of the species; or perhaps more specifically, your genes).

So, I started reading The Red Queen the other day. In short, it basically speaks of why sex evolved in humans, or at all for that matter, and how it has led to various peculiarities of human "nature" and culture. Granted I do have a general interest in biology, but Matt Ridley writes not for the scientist, but addresses issues that are likely to be of interest to the layperson, while avoiding unnecessary jargon. I like his style. His writing style that is. He does look like kind of a dweeb. But at least a happy dweeb. Actually, I like his job. That is to say, I'd like his job. Now that I think about it, I think that's what I would've likd to be doing (english writing good now i am?). I want to write. I like to write. Unfortunately I don't think I'm very good at it. Unless quantity counts. And I have a genuine interest in most things science, and specifically biology. He does what I wish I got paid to do. He learns about interesting things and writes about them without all the tedious work of actually trying to work out any of the details. bastard. no, that's mean... bastard...

Also, I've been listening to a lot of Elliot Smith lately (he wrote Needle in the Hay which plays while Richie [Luke Wilson] is cutting himself in the washroom in the Royal Tenenbaums). He's been described as having a Beatles like sound. He fits in my mellowing soundtracks. So I just found out as I was searching for a link to about him, for those who might be interested, that he died earlier this year. That makes me sad.

More on Christmas break later. Want to go home. Hopefully will have two weeks off. Know I want to see and where to go, but not sure what time will allow for. *Yawn* I think I am getting old. Sadly, not that much wiser though, despite the constant acquisition of more and more 'facts'.

[11.25.03]

I had two presentations today. They both sucked. Having slept 4 hours over the two previous nights certainly didn't help. I have come to appreciate more fully the comaraderie that seems to exist between grad students though, at least in those few departments I've been lucky enough to be familiar with. What I've found is a constant exchange of encourangement and support between grad students in general. I am surprised (pleasantly so) at times after I've given presentations which I've felt were rather sub-par, to be told that I did a good job or am greeted with thumbs-up. I think part of it is just I'm a generally likeable fellow (or so I'd like to think) and partly because I'm a rather pathetic individual who people think need much encourangement and support (I can admit it). While I guess one could argue that people don't need (or shouldn't) be told that they did well when in truth they really did horribly, there's a time and place for constructive criticism, and it's usually not after you just step down feeling like shite. Then again, I do the same thing, just because people sometimes are too hard themselves (I do realize the possible irony in this, but really, while I am perhaps a *tad* too hard on myself at times [maybe] I still do recognize when I've just given a really bad presentation).

Anyways, nothing terribly exciting has happened in the last little while. Just been trying to play the role of the hard-working student. Though I did almost buy the girls water polo team the other night at a charity "genie" auction (what slave auctions have become in our PC world of today). Yeah, alcohol and auctions can lead to some trouble. I got another rhyme accepted for publication in the grad paper (I don't like considering myself a poet for a number of reasons which I might go into at some future time). Though I don't know if 'accepted' is really an appropriate term since I'm not sure if they actually reject anything. Whatever. I don't know if I've put that one up here yet. If not, I probably will at some point, y'know, to fill up space and such. I think sleep would be a great idea soon. Yeah, that sounds like fun. Fun is fun.

[11.10.03]

it's monday night. I've been up since yesterday morning/prenoonish. And i'm not the least bit tired. Which tends to raise some concerns in me. I'm always a little hesitant when I know i really should be hungry or tired but just aren't. I just got home from the library. Figured I'd take a little break now. Just about finished one paper for tomorrow. One more assignment to go. Tomorrow's a long day. 8:30 department meeting. 9:30 lab meeting. Classes from 1-5. Then SGPS meeting at 5:30. I think I'm going to take a nap after that... if i don't manage to squeeze one in somewhere in there. So yesterday was... sunday... a good day. Another day just strolling around downtown dropping in on various shops avec une amie. I found a feather in my hood last night. It was orange, like my jacket. What a pair. Think it dropped in while i was wandering thru one of the shoppes. Then I saw a pink feather on the ground this morning. I don't usually see many coloured feathers, so that was different. Saw a shooting star on the way back home at like 10:30ish last night. At least I think it was a shooting star. I've been known to be prone to hallucinations, though usually more of the auditory variety. I think what I miss most about sleeping is dreaming. That's where I'm a viking.

anagrams of assignment
mass in gent
giant menss
i don't like the 2 esses and ens
i'm gonna pick a better word to start with next time

[11.9.03]

It's going to be a long couple of nights. I'm in the library now, working on a paper due tuesday. I had it all planned out and thought I was set, but when I actually got down to writing it I realized there's all these little nuances that people haven't worked out yet. For the 2 people reading this who might actually care it's on regulatory T cells which act to suppress the effects of immune effector cells and their role in oral tolerance. My main problem was there's all these different subsets and noone bothered saying explicitly how to differentiate between them. At least most didn't bother. I finally found someone who actually decided it might be worthwhile. Humourous names I cam across while researching this paper: Prud'homme, Asseman, Bigler. hee hee. Yeah, sometimes you just need to find a way to entertain yourself, especially when you've realized the hole you've dug yourself into. Don't get me wrong, don't give up on digging up, just remember to laugh now and then. I also have to go back to the hospital shortly. That's where my lab is. At first it was slightly unsettling going in after hours, as our lab is in the basement. I just kinda got turned off going into labs at night after that one night the girl hung herself in the basement of the biology building back at UW when I was still hanging around there through the wee hours of the night regularly. Though I amuse myself somewhat now when I have to go to the lab after dark by thinking of how it reminds me of Resident Evil. (yknow, with the restricted lab underground and the darkness of night and such). I think it's a full moon tonight. At least it looks that way to my feeble eyes. I watch the skies a lot. and like my pies hot. I guess diverting myself from this current paper by working on the other assignment would probably be a little more productive. meh.

Here's a rhyme I wrote to good friend M some time ago. I thought I'd share it. I like sharing. Of course it means I can't use it again. Unless... Y'know what, actually, how about this, if you think it applies to you, then I actually wrote it for you, but just forgot to send it to you, and thought I'd send it to someone at least who i thought might at least appreciate it somewhat. It's actually quite fitting at this time as well.

Fun times I've had,
And good folks I've met,
Though I'm still a lad,
Riddened with debt.

Though this in itself leads to no great sorrow,
As I've known what it's like to have to borrow,
I must still admit at times i do feel bleak,
As not around, is she i oft did seek.

Now to you i'd keep on writing,
As I do so surely enjoy,
But articles i must be citing,
For this prof who was once a boy.

So for now adieu i'll bid you,
Til I speak with you again,
I believe this is my cue,
To say g'night to you my friend.

[11.4.03]

So, it was suggested that i may be demonstrating symptoms of sympathetic hyper(/over?)excitability (though only by a doctor). I think that's a diagnosis that would explain much.

You know when people act differently? It's strange. It's not that i don't like change. I myself need to change. Tho the good times sometimes seem to change to the bad. Then the day's over and the night's begun. And we try to fit in another day before the night is done.

[11.3.03]

"There are no accidents in rhyming. Rhyimg's a god-like force that chooses people for stardom" - Gandhi, Clone High

Inspired/Bored?

We spent only too few hours
But those moments remain ours.
The small of you back so nice.
I wish I saw you at least twice.

It's strange, the memories are few,
But the impressions left, large and true.
By now you should know, I tell no lies
Though sometimes I forget to say goodbye.

You see you've left me almost speechless.
So let us soon both take a rest.
Just see how you've made my verses,
Now from love and free from curses

The force is still weak in this one.

I write when I'm bored. I don't know if i've mentioned this yet, but one problem with me writing is that too often it's out of boredom rather than inspiration.

[11.1.03]

Yesterday was a good night. Except I ended up departing from a rather joyous soiree prematurely. I have this really frustrating habit of going for walks, a lot of the time alone, when I'm inebriated. I like walking. I'm a pacer. Unfortunately I also tend to overestimate my ability to remember the paths I've taken. Though this does lead to me engaging a lot of different individuals in an attempt to find a way back to whence i came. I laugh thinking back to last night. It was most amusing. I heartily enjoyed the company for the evening. The fair faces I encountered. Even memories of the walk back stir a chuckle. I can't remember what enticed me to stray as far as I did. I can't quite remember the gas station attendant, but do recall her words "it's about ten blocks that way".

I like talking to people. I like stories. I find great enjoyment in talking to happy cheery people. There aren't enough of these people around. Wherever I meet these people I'm grateful they were there. I hate miserable people; people who go around looking angry all the time. There's a lot I'm frustrated with. I prefer to smile.

[10.30.03]

it was dark again by the time i headed for home. School's damn expensive. Five plus dollars photocopying one journal article. I'll photocopy you something good. Now, think of all the permutations of where you could have put the emphasis. ... that was fun... oi. Days danced merrily by. I read a little, learned a little, grew a little. Wished now and then that i could play the fiddle. Remember breakfasts at golden griddle. Mostly the good times. One must always be subjective. There's just too much crap. Whomp bop a loomp bop, a whomp bop whap. I guess being busy beats being bored. But candy collecting could collect collective cheers. I don't know why i just had the sudden urge to alliterate. I'll be drinking to some of you this weekend, trying to remember some of the rest, in between trying not to forget"left foot right foot, left foot right foot."

[10.29.03]

Homer in moo moo.
Made for a good episode.
Man fall in dog doo

Yep.

Yawn.

[10.19.03]

I adore studies of the English language. Well, languages in general. It's through the use of language that we most often communicate. Yet there are so many colloquialisms that are understood within cliques yet at the same time, often without an understanding of the etymology. I'm still not 100% sure of why or when I started taking a fancy to exploring the English language in depth. Part of the reason probably was how often i noticed people misusing words, phrases or any a trite expression and just wanted to make sure i never became another one of those individuals. Expressing one self effectively is a skill to me. This obviously should involve some knowledge of your audience, as one's style of presentation will most likely vary from audience to audience. But when expressing yourself to an unknown audience, the most pertinent rule (imho) is to make sure you're saying what you mean. And how can one do this without a proper knowledge of semantics and grammer? I dunno, maybe being in ESL also spurred my interest in learning more about the proper use of language. Or just the fact that i like to talk.

Here's a poem I came across once highlighting some of the lovely nuances found in the English pronounciation.

English is Tough Stuff

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

[10.11.03]

It's the Thanksgiving Day long weekend. I'm still in Kingston. Today I bought a real cookie sheet (as opposed to the crappy disposable aluminum ones A&P will only sell), a vacuum, and a potato masher (having learned previously how difficult it is to mash potatoes without one). Thankfully, this is not what passes for excitement these days. Though truly exciting days are far and few between now. I'd like to share a little something with all of you at this point, but alas, no fanciful tales have I to share at this point. Nor any points I've been pondering over as of late.

I'm thinking of drinking coffee regularly again. I was once a most avid coffee drinker, but had decided to give it up when I decided to try living a healthier lifestyle. Unfortunately, it seems i may have had much more of a dependence on coffee then i had thought. Multiple times this past week I've been in presentations struggling to stay awake. And it wasn't that i was bored or disinterested, but just plain tired. And the thing is, compared to days gone by, i haven't really been that deprived of sleep lately. Yet, I still found myself constantly struggling to keep my eyelids open. The worst part being that although mentally I felt like I was totally there, taking in every point of said presentations, my eyelids just plainly refused to stay open short of any physical intervention on my behalf (which obviously is not the impression one generally wants to make). I dunno, maybe I try to give up coffee to hastily. Maybe I tried to affect too many lifestyle changes simultaneously.

To those who might be wondering why i don't always (or usually don't) capitalize my "I"s (or my name), it's not because I'm simply too lazy too, or anything like that. It's more due to the fact that I often don't think it deserves capitalizing. I mean, I'm just one of many. I'm nothing special. I'm an individual as much as i am part of a larger conglomerate. Many a conglomerate. Name's aren't important for anything but identification purposes. And we don't capitalize other pronouns, so why make more exceptions? As if the English language weren't full of enough as it were.

[09.25.03]

8302 days. That's how long I've been in existence now (give or take maybe a week, depending on how you judge my mental arithmetical abilities). That's time enough to do a great deal many things. So much time wasted; by the gross incompetence of the service industry, by the unreliableness of others, by the frustrating bureacracy around which so much of our lives revolve - and perhaps most disappointingly, by myself. I think part of the reason I'm writing this now is an underlying hope that I'll look upon this again every now and than when I'm less than productive and say to myself "Hey Dumbass! Don't you think there's enough people wasting enough of your time as is?!" and hopefully I'll get back to work.

I'm a lucky-a guy. Despite my many failures, and the many wrong turns, I've ended up in the most favourable of circumstances. For this, I owe a great deal many. Way too many to list at this time, but perhaps someday, when I'm bored...

To co-paraphrase (i considered synaphrase for a brief moment, but then decided it sounded like it could be part of some magically delicious grape flavoured treat with a cinnamon twist [patent pending]) Henry Ford and Shakespeare, whether you consider yourself lucky, or unlucky, it is so. Lucky are those who see the many forms in which gifts are presented. And most unlucky are those who discount misfortunes as just that. Though at the same time I kind of see the paradox in the conjoining of the last two statements. It's not that apparent, and maybe even non-existent if I just leave them as is, but the thing that makes it so probably still resides just within my mind.

Allow me to continue (like i'd let you stop me). See, I see myself as extremely lucky in that I recognize all the things I have to be grateful for. Starting from where I am, what I've experienced, and the great deal I've been lucky enough to become acquainted with throughout the course of time. I recogize the times when I've been down, felt like I had been cheated, and all those other unpleasentries that we all our subject to from time to time, but looking back, as I often to, I realize that with each such moment I've learned a little more, about myself, about others, about where to put my trust. And I'm lucky in that all that has led me to where I am today; and this is why I don't consider those misfortunes. To consider yourself the subject of misfortune, means not only to admit a lack of control, but that misfortune has set its eyes upon you. But to deny this might mean admitting to more blame and guilt then perhaps is due. Maybe it isn't that paradoxical... I mean as long as you learn from every mishap, then it can still be viewed as a positive (/learning/growing) experience thus eliminating the role of Miss fortune. (I like personifying things... it makes me feel like I have company when i'm alone ;)

[09.23.03]

23 Years now, I've been making mistakes.
All the while celebrating, w/ parties and cakes.
In times good & bad, we oft did reflect,
All the while bad thoughts, we tried to deflect.
I've erred in my ways, I'll always concede,
But tried to perform my share of good deeds
I've experienced great joys, trials and tribulations,
Know what it's like too, to succumb to addictions.
It is I, now I know, of whom I most must beware,
Especially in times with no supporting cast there.
Though I guess it's due time, I learned some independence.
And learn to trust more, my own instinct and senses.
Yes there were times, when they both faltered in me.
But both successes and failures, thru them i did see.
I guess of all things, for which I've grown to yearn.
Are chances for errors, thru which I most learn.

That was written last night during a break from my preparation for a seminar course today (PHGY - 810: Current Concepts in Physiology). This being the first class I decided I'd rather be over-prepared than under-prepared. Boy was I over-prepared. Anyways, today was a good day. It was one of those days where nothing much happened (so really, there's no point in reading the rest of today's entry) but I was happy ne'ertheless throughout the day. The weather was all over the place, kinda muggy in the morning than overcast with a breeze, then the sun peaked through while still remaining breezy, then of course it rained after class, leaving behind a double rainbow, the inverted one overlaying the other, offset maybe 15 degrees by only two or three bands (this was of course after i had decided to leave my bag and jacket at home since I'd been carrying my jacket around all day and it hadn't yet bothered to rain). I guess if you were waiting for some brillian insight, you looked in the wrong place this time eh?

So I've been writing a lot of rhymes these last couple of days. I think that's the first one I've written in a long while though that wasn't meant for one specific person or group. My writing isn't exactly insightful, meaningful, or an example of good writing by any means. But then some people tell me they enjoy reading what I write. And really, if you don't like what i wrote, I'll apologize for having waste your time, but seriously, just don't read anymore of what i write (cuz i'm not apologizing again). I'm still not sure which is the primary reason why I write, b/c some people do enjoy reading what i do write, or b/c i enjoy writing that much. Truth be told there was a time when I really wanted to become a good writer (well, I still do, but to a much lesser extent; i'm still working on just being a good person, good student, good employee, good friend, which has been rather time-consuming), I mean be it of scripts, movies, songs, short stories, or novels. Of course now reality has sunk in, as it does from time to time, and I've realized if there is a niche in writing for me, it's in rhymes. I hope to one day reach the level of mother goosery, where children in grade schools all 'round will know my work. Oh, getting an article published here or there in some reputable (read impactful) journal would be nice too.

[Later today]
There are nights when I feel that I'm all alone,
And so I'll decide to pick up the phone,
Look up the numbers, of many a friend,
In hopes that an ear, one would be willing to lend.

On some of these nights, all I get are machines,
So I return to my pad, and try depicting a scene.
Happy ones preffered, but some write just what comes,
And when nothing is there, some just sit back and hum...

One, two, three, four
Thru my mind, come take a tour,
And if you do find its a bore,
I suggest that I, you do ignore.
five, six, seven, eight.
This writing now I will abate.

Y'know how you sometimes you start doing something, then as quickly as you started, you grow weary of it? yeah...

[09.21.03]

The last few days have been rather hectic. I'm now in the midst of reading LSD - My Problem Child (Albert Hoffman). I'm still reading Naked Lunch, but as enthralling as it is, I do find that it does take some mental effort to get through. The heroin riddled mind doesn't seem to lend to writing in a most plainspoken manner. But the imagery it can conjure up can be rather remarkable.

The last few days have consisted primarily of continual practice dissections, making my lab space more ergonomic for my work, and reading various articles on the enteric nervous system as well as long QT syndrome. I thought that the hurricane coming by would add some excitement, but during its passing I was in the lab most of the day and pretty much oblivious to its actions (though they apparently were none too exciting anyways).

Today I had a companion (a most agreeable dame) with me on my walk through downtown. It was all in all a pleasant excursion. Good weather, good company, and the oppurtunity to browse thru a number of stores I normally wouldn't venture into alone. Saw many interesting items with which I though i'd like to decorate my room (i.e. bedroom/study/library/living room/family room/dining room), but alas, those purse strings must remain tight for a little while longer (y'know, if i were one to carry a purse...).

Also, I don't know if i've mentioned this already, but lately i've been remembering a lot more of my dreams (on average 2 a night). Though I think I'm also waking up in the middle of the night pretty regularly. I haven't figured out the cause of all this yet. My dreams have been entertaining. Though some have been rather eerie (at least while i've been in them). I had partial success in going lucid the other night, but for reasons I won't get into here and now, I decided I'd rather wake up than explore. When I woke up though, I quickly realized I was still dreaming, and from this second dream I seemed to have some trouble waking. Let's just say there was an internal struggle, and a feeling of free falling before I awoke and noticed I was covered in more sheets than I probably needed to be. I think some might find some of the dreams I've been having lately most interesting, but I don't think I could write a description of any yet that would do them justice, so for the time being I'll hold off on that.

[09.16.03]

I've gone through a number of minor lifestyle changes as of late. Before the school year started, I had decided to try eating more healthily. I guess I just figured I'd been using my body as a playground for long enough... no no no... I don't think I'll ever stop using my body as a playground... I think it was more the fact that it had become a cesspool of sorts. And we all know how well playgrounds and cesspools coexist. I've started eating a lot less meat, which was rather difficult at first seeing as how my apartment sits across the street from a Burger King, not to mention my fondness for red meat. But living within paces of an A&P has helped. I find myself making daily trips to the grocery store now. I am spending more on food than I typically have in the past but then again I've spent enough money on consumables that have had an adverse effect on my health as well, so meh, it's all about balance.

I find myself reading a lot more now too. I guess that's not that surprising since I've always enjoyed reading, and without a television, there's a lot fewer diversions from the world of academia now. I just started reading Naked Lunch (William Burroughs) this morning. I was first incited to read this after Bart, Milhouse and Nelson went to watch the movie (the episode where Bart get's his fake i.d. i think). This has been the longest stretch I think I've gone w/o watching an episode of the Simpsons since I first started watching regularly around the 4th or 5th season. The only television I've watched in the last 3 weeks is the little black and white t.v. hooked up to the microscope in our lab. I have a whole new appreciation for watching intestinal arterioles dilate and constrict.

I've also been sleeping a lot more as of late. Rare are the nights now when I stay up past 1 on a weeknight. Those who know me know how much of a feat of self-discipline this is to one such as I who once rarely even considered heading to bed before 2 in the morning.

I know that for most, these simple habits are probably the norm, and none too impressive. But then again I've also been leading a perhaps rather dubious lifestyle the last several years, and it's only now that I've been turning things around a bit (or at least diverting from my former ways). Hopefully I'm not less fun. It's hard for me to judge at this point due to a lack of social contact (that is not to say an absence of social contact). But when one has become accustomed to a routine of days filled with anecdotes, smiles, and good cheer, regardless of the tasks at hand, and is relocated to a new and rather isolated environment, without much opportunity to exercise that wit and charm upon which they so esteemed themselves, one may very well be led to question the resilience of such qualities. (one needs at least a little self-confidence)

[09.14.03]

So I started reading Candide (by Voltaire) the other day. It's not a very cheery story. But I've found it engaging. Many atrocities befall a number of the characters (including our protagonist Candide) but that seems to be something that I apparently really enjoy in books and movies. Not because I like to see others suffer but partly because it helps you realize that things always could be a lot worst, and helps put things into perspective. One thing I've always hated about movies out of Hollywood is the happy ending. I mean, I understand people don't want to go to a movie to be depressed, but I also think that often severe issues are trivialized so as not to offend certain groups, all in the name of commercialization. Then again, it's Hollywood, and I guess I realy don't expect the majority of people there to be looking to enlighten the masses on the cruelties that others suffer. After all, isn't it always about "making it in Hollywood"? I enjoy films like American History X and Life is Beautiful, as they were entertaining films that didn't play down the severity of the issues that they were about. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy comedies as well. I like to laugh. Some have said "[I'm] a funny-a guy." What I don't like is when a serious issue is taken (or just presented) as the main focus of a movie, then skewed for the sake of making a buck (or a couple million).

I think the other thing too is just tragic works of fiction just don't really get me down anymore. When stories are based on real tragedies, I try to empathize with those who have suffered, but also with those who wronged them. I feel bad for all those who suffered, and I think people usually do want help when they can get it, but not necessarily be pitied. I like to believe that people are inherently good in nature and often try to figure out what makes villains. If they're not just all about surrounding themselves with as many luxuries as possible, then their logic is just flawed somewhere to the point where they think they're actually doing something good for the world no matter what the cost to others. I think reading of whatever horrors have taken place in the world or arisen out of someone's imagination makes me a better prepared person because when I do come across hardships I just deal with them as so many others have had to do instead if worrying or feeling sorry for myself. I do wonder where things (or I) went wrong at times (it's true, I do err in my ways some times) but try not to dwell on them longer than I need to to figure out how to go astray the next time. I think that's it for now...

  In the news today:
  National Post
  Toronto Star
  The Globe and Mail

  New York Times
  Washington Post
  BBC News

     Science Magazines
    (for the geek in each of us):

New Scientist         
Science Magazine  
Scientific American
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