An intricacy of words weave my soul,
apprehensive to their meaning
I divulge myself to others
hoping,
that they might make it appear less haunting.
Appetite for adventure
I starve myself of realism
Hoping to dwell in fantasy
Realizing reality is forced.
Escaping to dreams,
Until a time when fantasy can become reality
and adventure is evident.
Peeling back my skin, layers of misunderstanding
Years of pretending to be someone I'm not
But it's been so long I don't know who I am anymore
Holding onto an image of perfection
Who I've been taught to be. Used to strive for whole heartedly
Torn between indifference
Long for Hollywood romance
Don't know what real romance looks like
And I'm afraid.
Afraid of finding abuse instead of love.
Tired of being classified
Tired of making up stories, setting the scene for the "real" me
That's how I survive.
Want a man you have to show him what you think he'll want
They never wanted me before.
But this makes me exotic, makes me interesting.
They don't really want to know me.
Just use me, win me like the trophy that sits on their dresser
Stop calling when they realize who I really am.
Shadows
Two shadows entertwined in the night,
Consuming each other in fits of passion and joy.
Dawn breaks and suddenly realization sets in
Two ruffles in an unmade bed but
noone here to enjoy it.
Was it real? Or was it imagination
Choosing to believe lies instead of the truth.
Words engulf me,
Words unspoken.
Words I'm not sure belong.
Desire takes hold
and I want to take you to places you've never been.
Want to give you pleasure in ways unimagined.
Ravish your soul and take your life in my hands.
Want to feel power,
energize you
and know your love.
Fuck me gently.
Wind Swept
Wind swept me away
Don't know what to say
thought I needed you but now I'm not so sure
on my own I do quite well.
Fight my own battles, got bruises to prove it
some at the surface and some deep under the skin
that creep out to haunt me sometimes.
Can't say I'm the best, can't say I'm well loved,
can't say I'm understood.
But I'm me.
Silent and sleek, thinking like a cat.
Shy, quiet and unsure, trying to please you.
Tentatively feeling out the situation. . .
All this is new to me
So I plan in my mind, daring fantasies you'll never know.
Sexy body dancing circles around you
like pools of laced water rippling, trying to create waves
but your not noticing
Are you?
Making me feel like a fool.
Tell me differently,
tell me you need me and maybe I'll be yours.
Maybe, don't know what I want anymore.
Feel used, abused, taken advantage of
In more ways than one.
And it's not all your fault, it's partially mine.
and those who came before you.
Someday I'll find someone who can accept me for me.
Someone who can accept my weird days.
Days noone can really understand
unless they've been through what I have.
Someone who will hold me and tell me
It's alright, I love you.
If I asked you could you?
Live
without my kiss upon your lips
without my finger tips
reminding you I’m here,
caressing you.
If I asked you could you?
Keep me safe from harm
Not smother me with charm
But, take me as I am
Make me innocent.
If I asked you could you?
Kneel with me and pray
Be with me every day
And love me
Just as me.