| WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with Yasser Arafat? |
| He called Canadian PM Jean Poutine and asked him to pressure the Americans to pressure the Israeli's to withdraw from the West Bank! Does this guy think that we Canadians have any pull with the US? Is he that fucking stupid? They're all doomed. To the Middle East, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with Laura Elaine Wilson? |
| Why won't she take a picture with the 18 inch lemon-scented Dildo-with a capital D, yes-I sent to her for her 15th birthday? I've been waiting three years to see that fat fuck up the stankhole and I have YET to be satisfied. To Laura Elaine Wilson, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with the Internet? |
| It's so intrusive. Ads that pop out of nowhere and infest your web browser, lame songs that play out of nowhere, little purple monkies invading your screen.. I miss the good old days of the internet when porn was plentiful and free, the chatrooms were loaded with horny nymphs of all ages, and "flash" did not exist. Why the fuck do you think I want my cursor to change shape when I visit your dumbass page? Do the little stars that follow the arrow really make that much of a difference? To the Internet, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with the Bassoon? |
| Who wants to play the bassoon? Does ANYONE like listening to the bassoon? To the bassoon, its players, and its fans, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| This has been WHAT THE FUCK? |
| By Farty McCrablice |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with cereal? |
| Why is it so expensive? Oh, goody! A box of leftover horse feed and falsely-formed, chemically-coloured sugar cubes. Sounds yummy! Ooo, and I get to pour something that came from an animal's tit all over it. What a deal. To cereal makers and cereal lovers, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with bent wieners? |
| Bent wieners are gross. I would sure hate to have a bent wiener. I wouldn't even like to have a moderately curved wiener. I'd rather have a small wiener. In fact, I would rather have no wiener at all. To all you curved wiener wearers, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with birthdays? |
| Who, over the age of 12 and under the age of 90, values these? Wow, congratulations. Another miserable year of your miserable life has finally come to a close---I hope the next miserable year is as miserable for you as the last. Or the people who throw the big parties for themselves? LOOK AT ME I'M 28 TODAY, ISN'T THAT CAUSE FOR MUCH DRINKING? No asshole, you don't need a reason to drink and you don't need a reason to party. And throwing a party for yourself is pathetic beyond belief. Don't even get me started on New Years. To birthday lovers, birthday hats, birthday cakes, birthday presents and worst of all the day itself, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
| NOTE: This is not written by Laura Elaine Wilson. WTF is written by a very special friend of hers who enjoys hunting, beer, and cheap whores. He also is an opera lover with a discerning ear. |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with the quality of Wendy's commericals since Dave Thomas died? |
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| Is the marketing department bent on ruining the what he created? Do they not realize that Dave Thomas, as one of the most recognized spokespersons of all time, had an allure and a power that no voice over with slow mo shots of a Big Bacon Classic and a Biggie fries will EVER match? Don't they have any interest in revitalizing the slagging advertising industry, or are they just hell bent on destroying everything that Thomas worked for? And now they have those commericals featuring some ugly ass bitch as "Wendy, which don't work on any level except to terrify for 30 seconds.Thomas is to Wendy's what Ronald is to McDonalds. Slap somebody in a Dave Thomas suit or talk to George Lucas and create Dave digitally a la Jar Jar, except without the horrible annoyingness of that character. To Wendy's marketing department post-Thomas, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with Anna Nicole Smith? |
| To Anna Nicole Smith, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with Tony Danza haters? |
| Are you so dense that you can't appreciate the massive and obvious talent of this Brooklyn born charmer? Take a look at his work in Who's The Boss?, for example. (No, I'm being serious, fuckface.)Who's The Boss? is one of the most cliched and creatively banal shows to ever become a success (and yes it was a success, during its peak its numbers rivaled those of Friends), HOWEVER Danza was able to take those lifeless lines and scenes and, by virtue of being, single handedly save pretty much every episode with his willingness to completely lose himself in the character of Tony Micelli. He's also a song and dance man (sadly a dying breed), of the purest form. He's also a compelling dramatic actor (see his Emmy nominated work in The Practice) and can turn in a supporting performance like no one's business (see his charming role as Juror #7 12 Angry Men, a role originated by the equally underrated Jack Warden).To Tony Danza haters, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with the taste of this weed? |
| Blech. Tastes like dirty. At this point in life, I’d just as soon take weed that doesn’t fuck with my throat and only gets me mildly stoned then I would smoke this uber-harsh shit that gets me fried. Granted, being fried has its benefits---i.e. increased interest in cupcakes---but. . .damn, a cupcake sounds really good. I wish I had cupcakes here. Can you make cupcakes from just regular cake mix? But instead of putting them into some sort of a cake pan, I simply use the muffin pan? Does the cooking time change then? What about the temperature? Is 375 degrees still recommended? And where am I supposed to get icing at 3 in the morning? Besides, icing is way too expensive. I wonder what the right sugar to water ratio would be to make some sort of homemade icing product. Then again, that sounds kind of disgusting. I hate cupcakes, now that I think about it. They’re always so happy and sprinkley. You never see a chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing and chocolate sprinkles and good god that sounds good. I love cupcakes. To this weed and the jerk off grower, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up with numbers? |
| Do we really need all these numbers? Why haven’t we evolved beyond the number system yet? To 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 0, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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| WHAT THE FUCK is up the large megaplexes that have 15 screens but show 6 movies? |
| You mean I get to enjoy the cinematic and creative genius that is Master of Disguise not once, not twice, but NINE times a day? Oh joy, oh joy. Dana Carvey IS appealing as an actor! The fact that he co-wrote it DOES add a great deal of respectability to this brilliant project! His Turtle Man IS hilarious! I love how the character says “Turtle, Turtle” in what can only be described as exactly what I imagined a turtle would sound like in human form. And as if that’s not enough, the scene is elevated to a level of comic genius not seen since Billy Wilder’s Some Like It Hot (1959) when he shrugs his shoulders as if to show off his large turtle shell because he wants to get into the Turtle Club! And the character name Pistachio Disguisey literally had me in pain due to the extreme hilarity contained therein. Poor Brent Spiner. Also, I don’t need to see any commercials before the film, thanks. I already paid my 11 dollars. If I wasn’t so scared of people and unable to function outside the safe, lawless world of the internet, I’d boo the ads. To these fat cat mexaplex owners and their acne infested staff, I say WHAT THE FUCK? |
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