Porn        Through the decades the industry of sexual exploitation has thrived by various means of commerce (mainly periodicals and videocassettes). The Internet has spawned the advent of free easily accessible pornography. With it also came the proliferation of various fetishes, now being expressed without endangering the social status of those who enjoy them. The myriad of pornographic excursions displayed on the net are also likely to be beneficial to those deprived of their sexual desires without disclosing their identity. A look at various fetishes would further display the usefulness of this wonderful industry.        S&M is a growing fixation in porn. It seems as though the desire for such role-play between consenting individuals is increasing, represented by the increase in bondage sites. I can see how inflicting pain upon another could be entertaining or even erotic, since I am a bit of a sadist, a pacifistic one, which satisfies the “S” part. The “M”, however, poses a dilemma. I’m not a very big fan of being on the receiving end of any sort of pain and can’t comprehend how one could be a masochist. There is also another problem that exists with this particular perversion and it is, to my knowledge, that the participating parties are totally satisfied with inflicting discomfort upon one another and therefore not consummating their relationship (meaning they don’t actually have sex). This I cannot understand, you see, because I am tirelessly striving to get laid whilst these others, having the option, do not. To put it in laymen’s terms: What’s the use of someone being submissive if you can’t fuck’em. And furthermore, if they do “do it”, why go through all the trouble of tying someone up or whipping or whatnot when you could simply screw them. S&M is an interesting (very interesting), though flawed, sexual desire which is now widely demanded (at least that’s what my sources say) throughout… well, the world, probably.        Another foray in erotica that is most common would most likely be the notion of two or more women engaging in sexual activity (yes, with each other). Yes, I’m talking about hot lesbian action, action whose accessibility has been greatly facilitated by the many FREE lesbian porn sites, which have invariably lowered the cost of acquiring this delightful porn persuasion (see, videos cost about $20 - $30 (ok, sometimes around $10) a piece while porn on free sites is… well, free, which is a great value, plus you don’t get those weird looks from those female sales clerks). I really don’t know why two or more women having relations (hell, even just kissing) is so appealing, it just is. Those scenes of two buxom beauties slowly disrobing each other and then rubbing each other all over and playfully kissing parts of each other’s bodies which would then lead to pleasuring each other in a most sexual manner, orally or otherwise. A truer display of homosexual affection I have never seen. The only problem I see with lesbian sex is that if they are lesbians I’d never have a chance in real life (because I’m not a girl), which is quite unfortunate. There is, however, a simple remedy for this, and it is that the lesbians in questions are actually bisexual. In that case there would be a chance in actually having sex with two women at once, which has to be great, really great. So remember, lesbians are all fine and good but unless you’re a women you’re outta, so get a couple of bisexual women instead and it’ll be better for all parties in question.        While hot lesbian action is all fine and good (I know, it’s the second time I used “all fine and good” within a few lines), some prefer hot gay action (meaning guys), which is pretty, well, gay. Which is fine for the homosexuals but not for the straight guys. Basically, I don’t like it, probably because I’m not gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that (thank you Jerry Seinfeld). This particular genre is chock full of issues because of all those homophobes out there, however, it is enjoyable to those that like that sort of thing (again, not me, not that there’s anything wrong with that) and, of course, that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?        The next aberration is that of pregnant porn. Now, who the hell would want to see naked pregnant women engaging in sexual activities? Not I. And for some odd reason I don’t think many others would either. I mean, I see ads for sites containing content of this sort and wonder of what kind pervert would want to see that. Well, it doesn’t seem that bad, I guess. And perhaps people with an Oedipal Complex would enjoy it. I guess it’s okay. I just don’t understand how some guys would want to look at a naked pregnant woman and some would cheat on their pregnant wife. Oh screw it. It doesn’t really matter.        Urination is also a fetish represented by porn sites, there are even lots of free ones (don’t ask how I know). I somewhat understand how it could be appealing, since the women are naked or at least partially nude, which is a plus. Unfortunately, the only problem is quite a big one. You see, it’s great when women are nude and whatnot and also engaging in sexual acts but then when you realize you’re looking at human excrement it gets a bit disturbing. How many guys would like it if some woman pissed on them? Undoubtedly there are some but the majority (includ… and this is as far as my mother read and I assume she thinks I’m deeply disturbed… ing myself) wouldn’t really appreciate it during any type of sexual endeavor. Also, urine smells bad. That’s about all I’ve got on this one, sorry.        Foot fetishes, the weirdest (well, not really) of all porno. The display of feet… arousing? Hardly. And what about someone touching you with them all over your body. The thought just fills me with disgust. This, out of all sexual oddities, is the only one I feel contempt for. It’s really a senseless obsession. What is so intriguing, no, arousing about someone’s feet? Feet are rather repulsive don’t you think? They are the sole aesthetic flaws on the human body in my humble opinion, though they are quite useful. Maybe the plethora of applications for them is what makes them erotic to the small sect that treasures them so. So, I guess what I’m saying is, in reality this isn’t such a ludicrous infatuation, I guess.        Since this is running long there is only one more to go and it is……………………. Bestiality (I know that all of you appreciate the dramatic pause). This one is pretty freaky. People (in my case preferably women) having sex with animals is a sort of perversion many appreciate. In this genre the relations can take place between a women (again, preferably) and a dog or horse or snake or monkey or donkey or maybe even an elephant and the list goes on. It is kind of odd looking at some chick fuck her dog or something but still, it is sort of stimulating. I mean, aside from the animal being there, it is essentially normal porn (which could be said about all the others by the way). And so what, if someone likes watching a girl have sex with an animal. You shouldn’t be so judgmental, like they said in the bible, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” or something like that. You all know how strongly I feel about the Bible. What am I kidding anyway, that saying would never work nowadays. The people would just turn around and stone the guy who said it, hell, I’d be the first one to do it. Now back to the subject at hand, bestiality, it isn’t terrible (and now all of you are thinking, “Oh, he’s just trying to justify it because he likes it,” and then I retort through the use of telepathy, “That’s simply not true, really, I’m serious damn it.”), it’s actually OK if you neglect the animals, I mean, the chick could be hot and, of course, she’d be naked and that’s all that really matters.         Finally, the end, I thought it would never cum (my pun is quite amazing, is it not?). Anyway, I hope you all learned that porn is good, and not just that plain crap, the weird crap too, except for that foot fetish stuff. Hell, why not look at some now? I said to go look at porn. Gees, idiots.