| Worst Episode Ever You may recall the comment made by the comic book guy in the Simpsons “Worst episode ever”: well that’s sort of what I’m saying about the latest issue of the Observer. Many aspects of your “beloved” school rag (old-fashioned word for newspaper) are clearly lacking. From fresh, creative ideas to number of articles, none of it is there. The total deficiency of serious and intelligent literature is truly appalling but it is fostered by the observer staff (both Mrs. Meador and Mr. Valentine along with the entire student staff, with the exception of a few (who didn’t submit to the observer this time, by the way)). This obscenity should not be allowed to perpetuate. The articles, the substance of the paper, suck and have sucked throughout the year (again, with the exception of a few). First, there are the poorly written articles. One in particular would be the review of Hearts of Atlantis. The grammar was horrible and it was redundant, which is bad (as established in a previous article). Next would have to be the stupid articles. It is rare to see intelligent writing in the paper, most of it is crap about class events or sports. No one cares about those. No one gives a damn about the history of SKA either. That’s right Jeff Rose, no one cares. Other pieces of crap are the articles about the classes (you know, like class of 2002). The people that write these suck. They should come up with something innovative, or at least entertaining. And then there are the horoscopes. First of all, if I were going to make up some fortunes I would make them funny, and the ones in the paper are not. Second, I wouldn’t misspell words. Horrorscopes and pieces (instead of Pisces) come to mind. But not all the printed media sucks. The work of Chris McEntee is quite good. It’s serious and introspective, quality writing indeed. Dana Delameter also has written some good articles that aren’t just the regular crap we’re used to. His are actually funny (sometimes). Then there is Lucas Heffer who has awed us rather extensively with his great work in prose. And of course we cannot forget the greatest of all (if he ever got something printed), Matt Holm. Though, because of unfortunate circumstances, none of his works were printed, they most likely would have been the greatest by far. I commend all these fine gentlemen on their efforts, especially the ones that got stuff printed, for they truly made an impact in the soul of society (what utter bullshit). It’s true that frightful things hath gone on with the Observer, yet they occurred only because they were allowed, neigh, encouraged to. This misdeed is solely of the faculty involved in printing the publication, Mrs. Meador and Mr. Valentine. Yes, it is because of these vile miscreants that the hapless buffoons settle for writing crap. The two do this by rejecting anything with strong convictions or controversial issues. So, of course, most write the “fun fluff” (Meador (I swear)) that is expected just to reach print. Those that decide that write about things such as, say, Afghanistan or original ideas on cloning are left with nowhere to go. I am certain students would be interested in such topics but Meador persists that, “high school students don’t want to read anything serious,” which I truly hope is a fallacy. Because of Meador and Valentines’s perverse views only three people decided to write for the gazette this time, and that’s counting the damn horoscopes. Valentine wrote all the rest of the filth and you can tell. Fortunately for you, I will hopefully make my triumphant return along with some other exalted intellectuals as well. The horrid debacle that the Observer has become will soon be returned to greatness. With the return of others and myself the (sort of) monthly rag will be sink deep in your hearts (figuratively, of course) and be the highlight of your insignificant lives. Of course, we must (yes, including you) must usurp the throne (again, figurative) from the malicious Meador and Valentine, ergo securing peace and tranquility in Observer land. |