Hey there.....first of all, sorry about the huge fucking ad box to the right. If you have half a brain you can close it by clicking on the button that looks like this-->       in the top right corner of the page. Congrulations, you          now have some empty black space to stare at.

But now that that's done, aren't you wondering why you're taking orders from a 2D black and white badly drawn  thingy? Yes I, Uzi am really Usman Zia, and not a real 2D thingy, but there was no fucking way I'm pasting my face all over the site. You don't deserve that.

You see, the purpose of the site is not to pimp my face, as nice as it may be, but so that you will not ever have to watch or read shit again. As some of you may know I used to review pretty regularly for publications, but they had bastard editors who wouldn't let me say stuff the way I wanted to, so I decided to do this. The way it works is simple.

There will be no out of 10 systems, or scores awarded out of 100%. Seeing as my 7/10 could mean a 9 for you, I don't want to tread on such discretionary taste. What I will do is tell you If for eg a movie is worth watching altogther. Does it justify your £7 at the cinema or if you're naughty should you buy those shitty DVD pirate copies off that Chinese man who walks into every shop in town saying "You whana  DEE v Deee?". If the answer is yes then I'll say this:
Yep, it's as simple as that. And if something is utter tosh, I guess you know how I'll indicate it right away:
That's not all though. This site will not just serve the purpose of dictating your taste, but I will also show you my current short stories and novel extracts which have already been awarded with critical acclaim and praise ahem by me if you must know.

Regardless, there will be other crap up, but for now you can see the site is bare with no links up yet. I'm guessing it should get up and running with a few reviews and articles next week (most likely Wed 15th June 05) including reviews of SIN CITY and MR AND MRS SMITH.

For now go back to doing something crappy and pointless like finding out which women have penises in Big Brother 6.

Peace Out. Uzi  11/6/2005

people have too much time on their hands....