1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code3 in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again".
and last but not least...
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly ... "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
Ways to annoy your bathroom stallmate
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly everytime somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh [censored]!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from eight to 6 feet Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down you "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
