PART TWO.
"Daddy?"
She was blind.
Why had he been so blind? The moment he walked through the door, following closely behind Jimbo, Amahl saw the girl on the high bed. The doctor had just moved away and he saw the girl's face, marred by the metallic blindfold. Jimbo had looked back once and he nudged his friend forward, keeping his eyes on Cadet Janeway.
He had heard her the moment the door slid open. He heard her and then saw how her mouth drooped in disappointment. It was clear from the way her hands wrung nervously together. After all, they were not "Daddy", and she had absolutely no idea who had entered the ward.
It had to be terrifying not knowing, not seeing and only hearing; everything was unfamiliar. He was certain she heard two sets of footfalls.
The doctor moved towards them, after first touching Cadet Janeway's hand in a comforting gesture.
"Gentlemen, I'm Doctor Pulaski. What can I do for you?"
He heard the doctor's voice, nodded distractedly in acknowledgement of her greeting. It was Jimbo who spoke.
"Doctor, I'm Ensign James Matthews and my friend here is Ensign...Amahl."
Amahl promised himself to kill Jimbo later. The pauses were deliberate. Also, he had seen the way the girl flinched when she heard James say his surname. It was a flinch of recognition, the little sigh escaping as if she knew her father wasn't coming, and that he'd sent an envoy. He couldn't see her eyes, but the way her hair fell about her face, the hint of red to her lips, the way her lips first compressed in the knowledge that they were not whom she expected, then relaxed into an almost morbid manner, struck a chord. He watched her hands. They opened and closed, clutching the cover, then releasing it.
"I take it you've come to see Kathryn?" Dr Pulaski asked.
"Er...yes, Doctor. My father and Cadet Janeway's father are on the same mission - "
"You know my father?" Kathryn asked, her voice suddenly eager.
"Not very well, Cadet Janeway - "
"Kathryn."
"Okay, Kathryn," Jimbo replied, pulling Amahl's arm.
"Gentlemen, I will leave you with the patient," said Doctor Pulaski. "She has instructions to hail me or any of the staff."
"That's OK, Doctor," said Jim. Amahl remained quiet. He nodded as the doctor prepared the leave the room and actually held his breath until she was out of the ward.
Jimbo moved forward, but Amahl was rooted to the spot, about two metres away from the bed. He remained transfixed, never taking his eyes of Kathryn's face, or the way her lips moved as she wet them with the moist of her tongue. He thought her lips trembled, then again, he might have imagined it. Jimbo touched Kathryn's hand.
"Cadet - "
"Please, call me Kathryn," she said again, and this time her mouth curved into a shy smile. Amahl thought she handled her disappointment well.
"Well, Kathryn, I have something here for you. It's a gift, from your father - "
"M-My f-father?" she stammered. This time her voice sounded eager again, her face turned towards the voice.
"Yes, this is your gift..." Jimbo pressed the box against Kathryn's hand so that her fingers opened and she gripped it eagerly. Then a strange expression came over her features, that part that Amahl could see. He could have sworn that for a second only, she hated her father.
"I - I can't look at it now," she said quietly as her fingers slackened and the box sailed off the bed. Jimbo bent down to pick it up. He placed it on the little stand next to the bed.
"I understand. Please, from the two of us... Happy Birthday..." Jimbo faced Amahl, closed the gap between them and pulled him by his arm again. "Are you going to say something, Amahl?"
"Amahl?" Kathryn mouthed the name. "Hi..." Didn't she hear Jimbo introduce the two of them when Doctor Pulaski was in the ward? It sounded as if she said his name for the first time.
"Happy birthday, Kathryn," he said quickly, then stood back again, content for the moment only to look at the young cadet whose face lit up because she thought they were her father coming to visit. Her hair shone in the light that streamed from the window and he sucked his breath.
"Thank you..."
"Well," Jimbo started after an uncomfortable silence and a dirty look in Amahl's direction, "we have to go now. The doctor said - "
"You don't have to worry. I can hail her if I need anything..."
"Sure."
As they walked to the door, Amahl looked back once. Kathryn, sitting up against the pillows, looked again as still as a mouse, with her hands clasped together. He wanted to rush back and say he'd sit with her some more, just to talk to her, to keep her company. No one else had come to visit. Kathryn struck a lonely picture, so aloof as she held her head, her face in their direction. Jim's pull on his arm reminded him that they had to go. Why did he suddenly feel he wanted to stay? He had been tongue-tied, but he didn't want to say anything anyway. He just wanted to look at her and sometimes, if he felt courageous enough, to hold her hand.
Kathryn Janeway was lonely.
****
"I've never known you to be a coward, Jimbo," Amahl said, looking at his friend. They were in Amahl's small apartment overlooking the Bay.
"And I saw the way you looked at her, Amahl...or am I allowed to call you Chakotay now we're out of sight?"
The clever remark wasn't lost on Chakotay. Kathryn was blind, albeit it temporarily. Now that they were out of sight, he could take off his mask. He sighed. Amahl was his great-grandfather's name. He had just grabbed at it when he knew he had no chance of ducking out of having to accompany Jimbo to see Kathryn Janeway. He couldn't for the life of him explain how he had wanted to do something as deceitful as mispresenting himself. It was uncharacteristic, going against his better nature.
Yet, he had found himself unable to stop looking at Cadet Janeway with her golden bronze hair that threw little sparks as the light caught it. He couldn't forget the way her whole face, or that part that was visible outside the protection of the blindfold, lit up as they entered the room. She must love her father a great deal, was the thought that came to him. He couldn't stop looking at the way her fingers were laced, or her hands nervously clutched at the cover.
He couldn't forget how lonely she looked.
Maybe Jimbo was right.
"Call me Chakotay," he said sullenly, while Jimbo got that pleading look in his eyes again. "What...?"
"You're gonna do me the favour or not?" When he refused to respond, Jimbo continued with, "I've got to be with Clarice today, Chak. And tomorrow I have to - "
"Yeah, be with Cloris. And the day after with Celestine - "
"There you go!"
"No."
"Oh, come on, Chakotay. I can see you're sweet on Cadet Janeway. The girl is lonely. It would be nothing to visit her every two days or so, then I'll - "
"Be able to tell your father you've done your duty?"
"Correct. Will you, Chakotay? I can see you wouldn't mind seeing the girl again. She's not my type, you know..."
No, Chakotay thought. She was definitely not Celestine or Cloris or Clarice or Christine. They were barracuda types who didn't mind flaunting their assets. He found them a little repulsive, their exhibitionist behaviour so unladylike. But they floated Jimbo's boat. Cadet Kathryn Janeway was definitely not Jimbo's type. She appeared too refined, and he didn't think it had much to do with the fact that she was an admiral's daughter. She just exuded that touch of class. He hadn't spoken two words together with her, yet he sensed that she was something different.
Too good for the likes of him. Way too good for Chakotay, son of Kolopak of Dorvan V.
Yet, the very thought of Kathryn Janeway sitting up against the stack of pillows, looking a little lost, tore at his defenses. He felt unable to pull himself away from that image. Sometimes when he pictured his mother who was so tiny but full of spirit, he wanted to step out of his dream, haul Hannah into his arms and hug her forever. Kathryn reminded him of his mother.
He became aware that Jimbo was staring at him intently. His friend was waiting for an answer. They hadn't done things together much since they left the Academy except on their ship, because Jim had become infatuated with women. Lots of them. One day be was going to be burnt by one of them. Chakotay sighed, shaking his head. Jimbo was persuasive, and much as he feigned disinterest, the image of the blinded Kathryn just made his heart burn with the need to protect her.
"OK, fine, I'll go - " He had hardly finished when Jimbo gave a whoop of delight, jumped in the air once, then rushed at Chakotay, hugging him hard.
"Thank you, comrade! I owe you one."
"I'll remember that, Jimbo."
Now he stood at the door of Kathryn Janeway's ward. He had been presumptuous enough to enquire from a Doctor Elizabeth Paris as to the extent of the patient's injuries, and he knew that the metallic bandage would only be removed in two weeks' time. The severed optical nerves needed time to heal, and even with their advanced medical expertise, the doctors felt that it was better that Kathryn remain behind the dark visor which itself did the rest of the healing, until she was ready to have it removed.
Then, he had also made up his mind to tell her his real name. It was total madness. It was wrong. He deceived Kathryn and he felt a little sick about it. From the moment he had seen her, she became no longer just a cadet at Starfleet, but someone who had a profound effect on him, someone he wanted to get to know better.
She must be alone again. As he exited the lift walking towards her ward, he had seen someone - probably one of her class mates, or cadets who had been with her on maneuvers - exit the room, scurrying past him.
He hesitated before pressing the chime, cursing Ensign James Ellismere Matthews again for letting him do his dirty work. His heart thundered against his chest, feeling pain as the took a deep breath.
He heard Kathryn say, "Enter".
**********
END PART TWO