Return to Amara
A sequel to "Primate"
by
vanhunks
Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay return years
later to New Earth. Sequel to the story "Primate".
Rating: G
Disclaimer:
Note: This story is set near the end of
season five.
RETURN TO AMARA
Kathryn turned on her side
and braced herself on her elbow, her chin resting firmly against her palm. She
studied the sleeping figure. Sometime during the night he had disengaged
himself from the spoon position behind her and now he lay on his back,
breathing evenly and looking peaceful. He was greying at the temples, she
noticed idly. It was a rather distinguishing looking grey and the normally
cropped black hair lay flat against his scalp. Her hand reached out to touch
the tattoo, her fingers tracing the lines and little half-circles.
She stopped when a muscle
in his jaw twitched.
Bending down, she planted a
soft kiss on his cheek. Chakotay stirred.
"I thought that should
get you awake," she said softly.
"Kathryn, honey, you
do that every morning, I’m so grateful," he said sleepily, turning on his
side, facing away from her. "Leave me alone," he muttered.
She threw her arm round
him, her hand securely against his hard chest, and her mouth brushing against
his neck. His hand came up to cover hers, clasping it tightly. She heard him
expel a deep sigh.
"I love you," she
whispered against his neck. Her legs were spooned to his body, and her toes
touched his.
"Thank you..."
"Really..."
"I know, my Kathryn.
Now, will you let me sleep?"
Kathryn gave a contented
sigh and closed her eyes. Her Chakotay. Her perfect mate. Her lover, her
husband. Friend-mate… The last five years she had been counting her blessings
every day. The day she finally admitted to herself that command and duty meant
nothing to her if it compromised her life’s happiness, was the day her life
changed forever.
They had been back in the
Alpha Quadrant a year when he entered her life again. It was five years after
they had first entered the Delta Quadrant and then almost miraculously returned
when a wormhole proved stable enough to take Voyager through. Chakotay’s pardon
was further endorsed by the faith the Federation had in him when they offered
him a ship...
She remained with
Voyager...
**
"I’m losing the best
First Officer I ever had, Chakotay," she said the day he informed her that
he had accepted his new commission.
"There will be others,
Captain," he said, an edge to his voice. It sounded hard, steely, as if he
struggled to keep his composure.
"Yes, but they’re not
- "
"Me? Is that what you
want to say, Captain?" he cut in a little too quickly.
"Chakotay, I - "
"It has been...good,
serving with you, Captain Janeway." Chakotay turned on his heel and left
the office of Admiral Paris.
Long after he left, she
stared at the door.
Kathryn, why didn’t you
just tell him?
She pursed her lips and
tried to stifle a cry at the thought that he might never want to see her again.
Face it, Kathryn, you’ve
blown it. You’ve blown it since New Earth. Even now, You couldn’t let go of the
habit of command. She gave a sob, then forced herself to calm before she left
the Admiral’s office.
A year later her feelings
were no different from what they had been when Chakotay had taken his leave of
her in Admiral Paris’ office. She was a coward then, not telling him how she
felt, still feeling the old habits of masking what she felt and subduing all
emotional attachment because she was an officer first, never a woman. Chakotay
had in all probability gone on with his life, may even have taken a partner. The
thought of that brought a stabbing pain in her heart. Chakotay with another
woman was a possibility, as unpalatable as the thought was to her. He might
have changed, might feel differently when in her, nothing has changed.
Now he’ll never know... She felt a twitch of pain in her
heart. What could she do now? The last year in particular, on Voyager, had been
a constant battle to stay in control of her emotions, not to give in to her
feelings, knowing Chakotay would never return them... The hurt had been burned
too deeply into his soul, and she could never undo it. Never, she thought as
she walked in a daze away from Headquarters to board her shuttle that would
take her to
The words "habit of
command" would ring like a litany in the year she captained her old ship
through the far reaches of the Alpha and Gamma Quadrants. The words
"wasted chances" would dance around in her head and heart in the year
she missed Chakotay so much that she thought she would die. The words
"leap of faith" became a prayer...
She did nearly die...
She gave an involuntary cry
then, and felt herself being shaken.
"Kathryn, sweetheart,
wake up. It’s a dream."
When she opened her eyes, a
concerned Chakotay hovered over her, his hands still on her slender shoulders.
She gave a huge sob and threw herself against him. He enfolded her in his arms,
and rocked her gently until she became calm again.
"I almost died,
Chakotay..." she whispered against his chest.
"It’s over, Kathryn.
It’s been over five years ago," he comforted her.
"Yes..."
"You must rest,
Admiral," he said softly against her hair, then pressed her gently back
against the pillows.
"I will, Captain, as
soon as you let me go," she said, nuzzling his neck, her lips brushing his
as she slid down again and relaxed against the pillows.
"I love you..."
she breathed as she looked at him.
He bent down to kiss her
gently, then slid alongside her.
He spooned her body to his,
and held her like that until he could hear her even breathing again.
He gave a sigh.
Yes, five years ago...
**
She had been injured in a
shipboard accident, and he had been on a mission near the Goron star cluster in
the Gamma Quadrant.
The subspace message was
relayed from Starfleet Medical by Admiral Paris, whose stern face filled the
screen, and who almost barked at Chakotay to be at Kathryn’s side.
"She’s a stubborn
little thing, Captain," the admiral said tersely, but his eyes held
concern and love. "She needs you. Don’t let her get away this
time..."
It had taken him five days
to get to Starfleet Medical. Five days in which he thought he’d go insane. He
had been beset by extreme concern for her health, as well as the uncertainty
that she might not want him back. Through a series of subspace messages he was
brought up to date about her condition: she had severe plasma burns, suffered
concussion and had two cracked ribs.
She kept calling for him,
was what their old EMH told him. That was when they devised a plan by which he
could speak to Kathryn, anything, as long as she heard his voice. It was little
comfort to him that Kathryn came out of her coma because of his voice, relayed
over light-years to her. She was not responding to treatment, and Holodoc had
his hand in what little hair he had.
He had to be Starfleet’s
most difficult Captain those critical days he spent racing to Kathryn’s side.
And when he saw her...
She was sitting in the lush
gardens maintained by Boothby. She looked like a small child sitting on that
bench. The sun touched her hair, giving it a burnished glow.
He walked slowly up to her,
and only when he approached, did she look up to see who it was.
She rose from her seat.
"Chakotay..." it
came as a soft, breathy whisper, as if his appearance had simply been the
continuance of her train of thought.
"Kathryn..." he
said, walking round the bench to face her, and taking her hand in his. He tried
not to show his shock or distress at her appearance. She was still very ill,
but had insisted on meeting him here, away from the hospital wards. Her hand
felt soft and warm. It brought back memories.
Memories. His heart
thundered wildly. He took his fill of her. He hadn’t seen her in a year. He
drank in every beloved feature, his hand going up to touch her hair. He touched
the dark circles under her eyes, saw her frown slightly. Almost belatedly, he
asked:
"How are you?"
She turned her face away
from him, her eyes had a faraway look in them.
"Better," she
said quietly.
"How much better,
Kathryn?" he asked hoarsely as he again touched her cheek and make her
look at him. She cast her eyes down, but a frown marred her beautiful features.
She looked so fragile, as if the wind could lift her and blow her away.
"How much?" he
asked again. He noticed how gaunt she looked, so thin, the blue hospital gown
hung very loosely on her.
"I - am not recovering
at the - the rate I am supposed to..."
"What’s retarding it,
Kathryn?" he asked as he took her hand and made her sit down again on the
bench. She looked like she might faint. He had already been given the latest
update of Kathryn’s condition, also that she was not responding to treatment...
"What do you want me
to say, Chakotay?" she asked as she looked first at him then gazed over
the water of the duck pond. "That I missed you so much I can’t think
anymore? That for one second I lost my concentration and injured myself? That -
that -"
He saw how she struggled to
speak. Even now, sick as she was, it was difficult her to open up to him. Or
perhaps...
He spoke then.
"I love you, Kathryn.
I’ll never stop, you know."
She turned to look at him;
he saw her lips tremble, and he saw the first drops of the tears that would
fall unendingly for the next few minutes as he held her to him. How could he
not take her fragile body into his arms? How could he not wrap her completely
in his embrace and whisper over and over his feelings for her? How could he not
be protective over her when all his instincts surfaced so full and terrifyingly
in those moments? He was laying himself bare, vulnerable again, until he held
her soft body to him, and felt the quivering longing in her tears and stammered
apologies.
When she stopped, she
looked at him, and there was a new sheen in her eyes. She raised her hand to
touch his face. Her fingers caressed his face, his hair, touched his cheeks,
traced the lines of his tattoo. For long moments he let her touch him, like a
blind person, her fingers roamed his face, and remembered long forgotten
touches in faraway places.
"I love you,
Chakotay," she breathed at last, as her hand rested against his cheek. His
own hand covered hers, and he closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of her
against him, reveling in the new, new dimension of their relationship.
He felt an immense surge of
peace flow through his body. It was almost physical, the way his body relaxed,
how all the old concerns and parameters and anger seeped from him. All the
while he held her to him, not speaking. She was his now, for all time.
Much later, he held her
away from him, and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Marry me,
Kathryn," he asked quietly, soberly. Yet, there was a certain expectancy,
a certain fear, which must have shown in his eyes, for her hand went to his
face again and she brushed her fingers lightly over his closed lids.
He waited.
"When?" she asked
softly.
He opened his eyes to look
at her, and saw in her own eyes the fearlessness, the old clouds gone. Although
she was still so sick, her eyes shone in her tired face - eyes that filled with
tears again.
"Now," he said
firmly as he pulled her up gently and hauled her into his arms. "Tom’s
father will do the honours. He’s waiting for us..."
**
Chakotay gave Kathryn a
gentle squeeze as he remembered the expression of surprise on her face,
replaced a second later by pure ecstasy mixed with a mild sense of panic. Then
her eyes filled with a peace that has never left her since.
He hadn’t given her a
chance to change her mind.
She welcomed it that he
took charge. They were married within half an hour after she said
"yes" to him. She remained in the hospital for a week before was
declared fit to be discharged.
The month’s leave of
absence they were both granted, they spent first her home in
It was still only 0500
hours, and Kathryn had been restless in sleep. They were on his own ship, the
"Kathryn..." he
whispered softly against her as he drifted off to sleep again.
**
They were in the Captain’s
private dining room, breakfasting with Joe Carey, Chakotay’s First Officer, and
the Chief Medical Medical Officer, Dr Arion Keino.
It was a pleasant party,
and there were none of the angst and major concerns that typified their
previous five year journey in the Delta Quadrant.
"Well, Captain...
Admiral," Joe said, looking at each of them in turn, "are you all
packed and ready to go?" He smiled as he saw the look Admiral Janeway gave
her husband. He was very happy for them. They had all been so disappointed when
Captain Chakotay refused to continue serving on Voyager with Kathryn Janeway
after their return to the Alpha Quadrant.
"We are,"
Chakotay said, his dimples deepening as he smiled at Kathryn.
"I must caution you to
remain in contact with the Wittenberg at all times, Captain," said Dr
Keino. "We can never be too complacent about our position here - "
"We are aware of that,
Arion," Chakotay replied. "This time, we have Federation backing, and
their blessing on the project we are to launch with the Vidiians..."
"Captain, you are to
have your vacation first, since you haven’t had one in nearly two years,"
Joe said.
"Thank you."
"We’re happy to get rid
of you for two weeks..."
"Thank you,"
Kathryn replied. Chakotay had been constantly on the move, and the times they
spent together, were very precious indeed. Hopefully, after this mission,
Starfleet Command can get Chakotay to accept the promotion he had been offered
nearly two years ago. She smiled inwardly as she thought how she herself had
been unsuccessful in convincing him to take that desk job as the Academy...
Now, it’s an open and standing invitation. They really needed him home. She
needed him home...
"Dr Keino,"
Kathryn said in a placating gesture as she touched his hand, "I promise
you I’m in good hands..." She looked at Chakotay as she said it and the
small group sighed with relief and smiled again before they resumed their meal.
**
They were walking to
Chakotay’s quarters. The Wittenberg, carrying a crew of four hundred, was a
much larger vessel than Voyager, and Kathryn enjoyed the spaciousness of the
Captain’s quarters.
Their mission was a
diplomatic one, a working holiday, Kathryn was told when she and Chakotay had
been briefed at Starfleet Command. She smiled. Tom’s father had been
instrumental in setting it up.
"You need a vacation,
Kathryn," Admiral Paris said brusquely, unable to hide his concern
successfully. Kathryn knew he was worried about her, and she was indeed tired
and in need of a break. "You miss him when he’s away..." the old man
said.
How could she deny it?
In two weeks they would
meet with Danara Pel and Dr Sulan to discuss the Federation’s commitment to
provide the Vidiians with the much needed information and set up structures
that could trace those members of their race who were still spread over
seventeen sectors and who needed to be cured. A successful negotiation with the
Klingons - Chakotay’s work and Maquis experience - had resulted in a protracted
and ongoing programme to provide the Federation with Klingon DNA genetic
material. She and Chakotay would be meeting with Danara and Sulan only in two
weeks’ time. Right now, they were orbiting the planet she and Chakotay
nicknamed New Earth so many years ago.
The Wittenberg would leave
for another star system for a series of experiments, and the crew would take
their own shore leave there.
She felt the excitement
rise in her. So much had changed since Chakotay proposed to her in the hospital
grounds. So much. Now, she basked wonderfully in Chakotay’s love and she
wondered for the umpteenth time why she could never have committed herself
earlier to him. She almost lost him. She almost lost the will to live. She knew
though, that when she said yes to him finally, he became to her everything she
had dreamed of: a wonderful spouse, a wonderful friend-mate, lover, always
attentive and always, always so acutely sensitive to her needs.
"Happy?"
Chakotay’s voice broke into her thoughts as they neared his quarters.
"Supremely," she
replied the moment they were inside and away from prying eyes.
When he could breathe
again, he said: "Well, my love, you got what you wanted for our
anniversary. A well-earned rest and two weeks in paradise."
"Chakotay! Our shelter
will have been overgrown by the natural vegetation - "
"Which you, my sweet
love, agreed to help clear away..."
"Right..."
***
"You really wanted to
see Amara again, Kathryn," Chakotay stated as they boarded their shuttle.
They had been to the cargo bay first and then proceeded to the shuttle bays.
Whatever they needed to "rough it", had already been on the shuttle,
but there were always last minute changes.
She hugged him, her arms
going around his waist. She looked up in his face, saw that he was not teasing
for once. Yes, she badly wanted to see their little friend. She wasted precious
years seeing Chakotay’s need, and not acknowledging that need, not
acknowledging her own desperate need of him. She had thought constantly of
little
Amara since then,
especially in the years after their return. Chakotay had elected to serve on
another ship, away from her... There was a sad frown as she remembered that
first year...
They were already on the shuttle,
when she spoke at last.
"Yes," she said
finally. "Yes, I badly want to see her... You know why, Chakotay..."
"I love you,
Kathryn," Chakotay said as he shifted into the command seat after the
doors closed.
"I know, warrior
man..."
Chakotay gave her a
brilliant smile.
***
Amara was sitting at the
edge of the great woods. In front of her was the great water. It shone as the
waking light of Day kissed the waters.
Kissed.
kis-sed
She pressed her fingers
immediately against her lips. Her eyes closed and she thought she could see her
woman goddess and man warrior again.
The great light came and
went away over the great waters many, many times, and still she did not see
them. Once, when the storms came, she hid in their home... She could still
smell them...
Everyday day she longed for
them, everyday day there was a Great Emptiness. She looked down and touched her
chest, then for a few moments, she beat frantically against it.
She was still banging her
chest when she heard a soft sound. It did not come from the forest, and it was
not the sound of the fleet-of-foot spider-eater, although it sounded like it.
She looked up and saw something in the blue sky. The great Day light shone on
it, and when it came nearer, she jumped excitedly up and down. It was their bird-that-did-not-live!
Her hands beat against her
chest, she cried and screeched, jumped up and down, and sometimes, long
forgotten names that came to her memory now, expelled from her:
cha-ko-tay
god-dess
a-ma-ra
Then she started running.
She was very far from their home.
a-ma-ra - must - go - go
- go - quick -
a-ma-ra must - be - like
- the fleet-of-foot spider-eater...
**
Amara crept quietly through
the thicket that would lead her to the home-place of her woman goddess and man
cha-ko-tay. The light that made Day, had gone to rest and made again Day when
Amara eventually reached her favourite place.
It was still the time of
the wet leaves, but soon, as the red glow faded and turned white and warmed the
leaves, they would dry.
It was morning.
mor-ning... is what her woman goddess said when
Amara came to their home-place.
Now Amara was curious, but
she had a feeling too, an instinct that told her it would be her woman goddess
and man warrior who came down in the bird-of-the-sky.
man-war-rior - war-rior
- man - Amara tried
to mouth the name.
She shrank back behind a
little bush when she heard them speak, and then her insides lifted and became
light. It was the Gladness that she felt.
It was her goddess and man
warrior!
"You know, Chakotay,
it’s as if we’ve never been away," Amara heard her woman goddess speak.
"That’s because New
Earth has never left your heart, my love," the man cha-ko-tay answered.
Amara sat at the edge of
the clearing and watched how her man cha-ko-tay’s arms went around her woman
goddess, and she saw the man cha-ko-tay link his fingers behind the goddess’
back. He held her close to him.
Amara’s goddess looked up
at the man cha-ko-tay, her face bathed by the glow that was almost the same
colour as the seed-fruits Amara always ate when she came here. The man
cha-ko-tay held tightly onto the woman goddess, and his lips touched hers.
Amara stared.
Instinctively her own
fingers touched her lips, and she kept them there, pressed against her mouth.
She watched them, and her fingers were against her lips the whole time her man
cha-ko-tay’s lips were on her woman goddess’ lips.
It did not feel good, Amara
thought as she brought her fingers away from her lips. It felt very good. The
Gladness swelled inside her at the sight of her beloved woman goddess and man
warrior. She could see they had the Gladness. They touched and touched. Their
eyes were always on each other.
The glow of the Day rose
higher.
Amara stood for a few
seconds before she moved. A twig snapped. She jerked back, startled, but they
had seen her already.
"Well, hello
there," her goddess spoke. The sound was like the sound of the water as it
kissed the river-stones. Amara looked at the man warrior, but he stood still.
Only the goddess moved.
The light danced in her
hair, like the many night flames that Amara always saw in the woods. She took
two steps forward, then stilled again. Her lady, the goddess, had gone down and
was sitting on the soft, warm leaves.
"Amara," spoke
her goddess. It was soft, a sound that made her inch forward.
a-ma-ra.... The sound was a chitter, but it
seemed her goddess understood her. She moved right up to her goddess, then she
stood quite still. She sensed something. Some things. Almost without volition,
Amara clambered on her goddess’ lap, her long arm going round her neck, and her
other hand reached down...
***
Chakotay and Kathryn
watched in fascination as Amara’s palm rested against Kathryn’s stomach.
"She knows,
Chakotay," Kathryn breathed softly as she caressed Amara’s fur.
"She’s a lady,
Kathryn. They sense these things."
Kathryn put her hand over
Amara’s where it still rested against Kathryn’s stomach.
"Ba-by..."
ba-by, Amara responded.
"Chakotay..."
"I’m right here,
Kathryn," she heard his voice as she put Amara down and rose to meet him.
He had gone back inside the shelter and now he came out with something he
carried in his hand.
It was a large box, used to
carry pets.
Amara’s nose pricked. She
heard a sound, jumped away at first, then edged closer very cautiously.
There was a grid at the
opening and the occupant could be heard frantically trying to get out.
Chakotay and Kathryn
laughed as he bent down to open the door of the box.
Amara scurried away to the
furthest edge of the clearing as another that looked like her came out of the
box.
"There now, Amara, we
brought you a mate," Kathryn said as she stood next to Chakotay and
watched Amara come closer, more out of curiosity than anything else.
"Etosha."
e-to-sha...
a-ma-ra
Etosha stood, sniffing and
sniffing. He went closer and touched Amara; pulled a hair on her head. Then
Amara did something even Kathryn had not foreseen as the two animals sized each
other up. Amara reached forward and pressed her lips against Etosha’s mouth.
Kathryn and Chakotay burst
out laughing.
They were still laughing as
Amara ran off into the woods, followed by Etosha.
**
end