The ship
cruised with effortless ease through the murky black night, the low purring of
her engines hardly audible above the sounds of normalcy on the bridge. Harry
Kim snickered at Tom's quip about Voyager doing a triple jump over the stars. Magnus
Rollins cleared his throat. In a second, Chakotay knew, it was going to be
followed by a little cough. It always happened when
Rollins was tired and due to go off duty within fifteen minutes. Chakotay
turned to look at the Tactical officer who grinned sheepishly at him and
shrugged. Magnus had always impressed him as a very capable officer, quietly
going about his duties without ever complaining. True Starfleet, Magnus had always displayed
unbelievable composure, something Chakotay knew got him the tag of being
unfeeling. How could they know that Magnus missed his son and daughter just
like everyone else missed their loved ones? His wife had died during their
third year in the Delta Quadrant and the children were being raised by their
grandmother. An evening on the holodeck in which Magnus had spoken long and
openheartedly with him, made Chakotay realise that he was a man with heart. A
little older than most of the crew, Magnus presented stability; many
crewmembers had also approached the quiet officer for counselling.
suffered from "persistent memory recall of a hopeless tune", a definition he’d quickly produced three weeks ago when he hummed a melody he called "Sentimental Journey". It was B'Elanna who had elbowed him fiercely in the side that time in the mess hall, making Tom hiccough first before he sputtered to a halt. Now he was at it again. Earlier B'Elanna, who had been at her station to the right of Tom, had growled at him in irritation but he had merely blown her a kiss.
Kathryn had
seen it and promptly reminded Tom to keep his eye on the road and both hands on
the steering wheel. Some laughter had gone up and after that, it had been the
occasional short exchange of small talk, interspersed occasionally with
confirmation on telemetries and sensor data. After their run-in with hostile
races the last few months, their worst engagement being against three Orend
vessels of Sector 2543, leaving Voyager depleted and needing three weeks of
repairs, it was a balm to frayed nerves to be cruising at low warp and enjoying
the peace of benign space.
The sounds
on the bridge, the atmosphere of quiet efficiency in the midst of light banter, the ability to go to red alert
in an instant and be ready for any attack, left Chakotay pondering on their
journey and their lives on board the ship. He glanced quickly at Kathryn. She
looked rested, relaxed, thoughtful as she kept her
gaze on the main viewscreen. Her elbow was braced on the armrest with her chin
on her palm. He knew that pose well; it was Kathryn at peace with herself and
the world around her. Two fingers - index and middle finger - would press
gently against her temple, an indication that she was deep in thought. Her hair
gleamed in the light bathing the entire bridge. It curled softly into her neck.
She had kept it like that since the fourth year of their journey and he
remembered feeling disappointed that she had cut it. She sensed he was looking
at her. Her mouth had curved into a smile when she felt his eyes on her and a
quiver of pleasure shot through him. He had already resumed his view of the
dark night in front of them, but now it was he who felt her smile and the
silent golden thread that connected them.
He was
happy, because Kathryn's happiness was so palpable, so infectious and it meant
so much to him to see her in this mood. He looked around him at the other
officers and smiled to himself. They were affected by her inner peace as much
as he was. It was true, whoever philosophised that a leader's peace established
a similar equilibrium among her subordinates. Kathryn's free hand reached for
him. Although he didn't steal another glance or see her move, he felt the
action - perhaps the whisper of a waft of air so insignificant that another
might never have noticed, but he felt it. He prepared to receive the touch of
her hand, his eyes closing as they made contact. The caress was brief, a
feather that drifted silently to balance on the back of his hand before
somehow, it lifted away of its own volition and
hovered between them.
Kathryn's voice drifted to him, low and husky.
"Shall
I remind you that we have a very important date tonight, Commander?" There was mirth and anticipation in her
voice, though he heard as well the underlying apprehension. He smiled to
himself again. Kathryn could no more hide from him than he could from her.
"How
can I forget? 1900, holodeck, New Earth. I can hardly
wait..."
"Don't
you dare be late," she responded, sounding relieved.
"You
make me sound like the March hare, Captain."
She graced
him with a warm smile. There was a long, but easy silence between them before
he turned to look at her, feeling again the strange, heavy, burning sensation
in his chest. This time Kathryn, oblivious of the officers who were watching
them, raised her hand to touch his cheek. He wanted her palm to linger and have
its warmth spread into his face.
"Take
me home, Chakotay," she whispered.
"I
will, my Kathleen..."
Kathryn smiled
in remembrance of the beautiful melody. He had played it for her in his
quarters the previous evening, knowing how she liked it. Her hand dropped away
from his cheek and she resumed her pose of earlier. There was a hammering in
his chest, and he took a few deep breaths to slow down the mad racing of his
heart.
He fell
into reflection again, thinking about the last week when so many things had
changed between them. Before that, relations between them had been strained, as
they had been for more than seven years. No matter how much they both desired
to take their association to another, more personal level and one deeper than
their already close friendship, their observance of protocol was always there,
albeit unspoken. Kathryn had waved the Federation flag in front of him too many
times even when they had come very close to blurting their true feelings for
one another. She had made the protocol handbook her Bible and kept them on the
straight, if rocky road, for home. On one or two occasions, she had acknowledged
that it was becoming increasingly difficult to remain detached from him, and
that had been a small concession, a victory, if he thought about it. It meant
that Kathryn had moved beyond denying the inevitable pull between them.
It wasn't
so much that she had consciously decided to throw the protocol handbook into
the proverbial fire. Yet, what had happened a week ago could easily have been
just such a case. He liked to think that it had been more gradual, that her
need for him, of for human, personal and intimate contact, could no longer be
denied but integrated into her conscious as an equal partner to her military
obligations.
He had
always loved her. Once he had acknowledged his attraction to her, he had made
it a part of him, and even though it had, of necessity, remained inside him as
a sublimated torch song, it was always there. He was willing to wait, for
Kathryn Janeway was not to be hurried. She was a scientist, with a scientist's
inclination for logical thinking and arriving at solutions through careful and
rational thought processes.
They had
been in her quarters going over endless reports pertaining to damage control
and repairs, working out new duty rosters, stock-taking. He had been tired; it
was late and he needed a shower badly. He hadn't noticed that Kathryn had
become quiet, because he had been so busy studying the
There was a
look in her eyes. Funny how, when he could think about it now, he had never
questioned her, never showed surprise, never thought that anything might be
bothering her. He had, as instinctively as he had always known when his father
would appear in his vision quests, he had known that Kathryn had made up her
mind about something. It was something monumental, something that included him
as part of the new resolve that sprang from that look. That was the word he had
searched for that evening. Resolve. Intention, firmly decided after long
deliberation to which there could only be one conclusion. Before his eyes,
Kathryn Janeway peeled away the layers of protocol that held her prisoner for
so long. Before his eyes, he saw how her face began to glow and her eyes take
on a new, if unaccustomed, shine.
"I
love you, Chakotay."
Elation,
wild as the mustangs that roamed over an endless green landscape, gripped him,
keeping him motionless, before it settled in him at last. He experienced it as
another flash in which he saw the mustangs come to rest, standing quite still
in a field of tall grass. All he could do in those heady moments after her
admission was cup her cheek with his palm, draw her face nearer to his and
press his lips against her forehead. The only sign then that she was deeply
moved by his gesture was the way her tears burned and trailed hotly over his
hand.
There had
been few words after that. The moment was too full, too heavy with the richness
of their feelings, too hallowed to spoil it with incoherent murmurings of
affection. That would come, for there would be a lifetime of affirmation. He
had lifted Kathryn into his arms and she had clung to him, burying her face in
his neck as he carried her to her bedroom. He had understood her unspoken
request. So he held her hand minutes later as she lay in bed and waited until
her eyes drooped and
she lost the fight against sleep before he left. Time had stood still and time
had moved on. In those seemingly endless minutes, with no words spoken between
them, he had known that Kathryn wanted to wait before they consummated their
union.
Chakotay
glanced at her again. He was ready for their date tonight. It was to be a
life-altering moment for them. They would be together forever, not just as
captain and first officer, but as life mates.
He was
roused from his reverie when Tom Paris's voice sounded up.
"And
there she is - Ankares IV..."
On the
viewscreen they could see the planet, covered with swirling clouds, almost as
blue as Earth. There was a ripple of excitement moving around the bridge. They
had been longing for a place to unwind, and it looked to him as if they found
one. The crew was coming down with severe cabin fever and only the ceremony
later in the evening during early gamma shift could offer relief. They were
itching to walk on soil again. But they had also learned never to take a planet
at face value. They'd had a few very close scrapes in the past with apparently
friendly worlds.
Chakotay
rose from his chair and stepped down to stand just behind Tom. All eyes were on
the main
viewscreen. The planet appeared stark and aloof. Harry's words broke through the
ripples and low exclamations of excitement.
"M-class planet, Commander, with dilithium on its third moon. Rich in natural resources... It
appears there are thousands of
"Sounds
too good to be true," someone said.
"Hot
springs, huh? Remember what happened at the last hot spring, Harry?" asked
Tom.
"It
was silver blood, Tom. We duplicated ourselves."
"But you
won't pass this one up. Think about it: all day in the sun, soaking up
the...healing properties of hot spring water, a girl by your side - "
"Make
that two, Harry. I'm going nowhere without both my girls... Right,
B'Elanna?"
"Yeah, Helmboy. Just don't drown Miral."
"But,
Harry, are you thinking of taking the twins - "
"And
we could all do with some shore leave, Commander," Neelix piped up,
breaking up the fight between Tom and Harry.
The little
Talaxian, ebullient as always, had just appeared on the bridge and Chakotay
turned to face him. Neelix rubbed his whiskers and Chakotay couldn't hide his
smile at Neelix's habit. Today everything about Neelix was yellow. His hair,
his skin, his eyes, his whiskers, and his dress statement would have made the
President of the Federation run a mile from him. A patterned
yellow knee-length jacket that covered his patterned yellow trousers.
Only Neelix's boots broke the sunshine effect. Chakotay caught Kathryn's eyes.
She had remained seated, her arms resting on her chair, her pose relaxed and her grin infectious. She nodded, a sign that he could investigate Ankares IV as a
much needed pit stop.
"Well,
Rollins?"
"All
clear, Commander. The Ankarens are highly developed. Like the Klingons, they
have cloaking technology but they're a peace faring race. Mr Neelix has already
established that the Ankarens are willing to trade and that Seven of Nine would
benefit from their up to date star charts." Rollins grinned, then cleared his throat. "I do believe the children of
Voyager will enjoy the planet's Young
Life Enrichment Facility - "
"The amusement parks," Tom said by way of explanation.
"Aye,
Mr Paris. Amusement Parks."
Magnus
coughed as he finished. He had overstayed his duty shift, and Chakotay noticed that
Ayala was standing next to him, waiting to take over.
This time,
Kathryn got up and stood next to Chakotay.
"I
could do with some time off, Commander," she said, her tone low. "We
haven't had much luck meeting friendly races the last two months. A good thing
we picked this planet up on our long range sensors. If it weren't for that
rogue trader we met months ago along the Sparovian Passage, we might have
missed it..."
"Yes...we
were on another course," he agreed.
"Well,
it was nothing that we couldn't handle," she said. "I have the ablest
crew I could have asked for to bring us through the last two months of hell.
Now, we can enjoy a bit of..." Kathryn looked at Neelix, turned to face
him again, "sunshine on Ankares IV."
He could
feel the eyes of the bridge crew on them, but it didn't disturb him like it had
in the beginning, when he had been extra wary of standing too close to Kathryn,
or looking at her a tad too long. Now, they were all comfortable with their
command team displaying affection. Kathryn's hand had been on his shoulder and
she had made no attempt to drop it as she had done so often in the past. It
hadn't been easy in the beginning when they had observed too much protocol. By
their estimation, they'd be home in 22 years. That was too long a time not to
form any kind of
attachment. Some of the crew had already married, and there were
now three babies on board.
"Agreed. If we
have to navigate Voyager through ten evil nebulas again, I'll go mad."
"Tom,"
Kathryn asked, moving to stand behind him, "how long before we reach
Ankares of the cloaking technology,
"Three
days, Captain, at warp six."
"Then
warp six it is. Lay in a course for Ankares IV."
There was a
collective sigh that went up as Kathryn gave the order. Harry looked relieved
while Magnus appeared as inscrutable as Tuvok.
Kathryn
turned and walked to her chair. Chakotay followed, catching her as she
stumbled. When she was seated, he leaned towards her.
"Is
something the matter?" he asked, somewhat concerned.
She shook
her head.
"No...it's nothing, I guess."
At that
moment Voyager lurched imperceptibly, although hardly noticeable. He felt
something go through him, as if they were being scanned by the Borg or a ghost breathed
on him. Looking quickly at the others, he noticed that they too were somewhat
surprised.
"Harry?"
"Commander,
I cannot detect anything on long range sensors - "
"And
nothing is coming from Ankares IV, Commander," added Lieutenant Rollins,
now on the alert. "There's...nothing."
"Kathryn...?"
Chakotay asked as he saw how pale she had become. She touched her face, looking
strangely at him.
"It's
just something, like a glow of warmth that spread through me, Chakotay."
"We
all felt it. Maybe just a shift - "
"Captain,"
came Rollins's voice, "it may be a temporal shift, but only extremely
minimal. It may be
just this area of space. I detect a time differential of two
seconds."
Chakotay
nodded. Kathryn seemed to have regained her composure. She got up and walked to
Rollins's station, where he and Ayala were intently studying the new data.
Chakotay watched her move towards Rollins. Then she stumbled again. He followed
her quickly, holding her so that she wouldn't fall.
"Something's wrong. You're not well, Kathryn. Perhaps you should go to sickbay, or lie down in your quarters - "
"No!
No... I'll be fine," Kathryn said, but he could see her eyes were dark and
confused. Ayala smiled as he moved to make way for her. She looked at the
monitor. "It's only a slight shift," she said, frowning as she gave a
little shudder. "Two seconds... Not enough to worry unduly, but I agree
that we should hightail it out of here."
Chakotay
couldn't hide his concern as Kathryn came to sit down again, sagging back in
her chair. She looked suddenly exhausted.
"Kathryn..."
"It's
nothing, Chakotay. Don't be such a worry - "
The next
moment, Kathryn's eyes grew wide; she gave a little cry of pain, then suddenly choked
and gasped for breath. As she clutched at her bosom, her face contracted with
pain. She looked at him, her eyes filled with confusion and desperation. Before
he could even touch her she slid out of her chair and slumped to the floor.
"Captain?"
cried Neelix, who had been standing on the platform behind them.
"Kathryn!"
Chakotay
hit his commbadge.
"Chakotay to the doctor. Beam the Captain directly to sickbay."
At the
moment that he wanted to lift and pull her into his arms, Kathryn, as white as
a sheet, gave a deep convulsion. A second later, she dematerialised in the
transporter beam.
The senior
officers looked too stunned to speak as he moved swiftly to the turbolift,
nodding to Rollins to take over the bridge as the turbolift swallowed him and
carried him to deck six.
*****
Chakotay
stormed through the sickbay doors. Kathryn lay on the main biobed with a
worried EMH bending over her. All the way from the bridge, he had been
terrified that something unknown had struck Kathryn. Her expression of total
confusion was burned into his brain. She couldn't possibly have been
languishing with a cold or flu or a strange Delta Quadrant affliction. She had
been healthy as a horse. He would have known if she had been coming down with
something; she had been as surprised as he had been.
What had
happened was totally unexpected.
"Doctor...?"
Chakotay
moved quickly to the bed where Kathryn looked as pale as death. He touched her
cheek and almost jumped back from shock. She felt ice-cold.
The EMH looked
up briefly, before hastily running more scans.
"Commander,
the Captain's lungs have collapsed. Not only that..." He looked up again,
baffled. "It's gone, Commander. I'm keeping her on artificial respiration.
But..."
"But what, Doctor?"
"I don't
know how - "
"What,
Doctor?" Chakotay bit out, knowing he sounded too blunt, too shocked to
see Kathryn like this.
"Commander,
I'm going to replicate a pair of lungs - " At
that moment the sickbay doors opened again and Tom Paris hurried towards them.
"Mr Paris, we have an intricate procedure to perform."
"Understood, Doc," Tom replied, instantly on the alert as he
took over from the doctor.
"What
the hell is happening to her, Doctor?" Chakotay asked again.
"I
can't pinpoint anything at the moment, Commander, except that her lungs have
disappeared over a period of 90 seconds. I have to stabilise her first before I
can do anything else - "
"Then
do it quickly, Doc. She looks very ill..." His voice trailed. Kathryn
looked dead to him, although he could see how her bosom rose and fell. But that
was artificial. The respirator was responsible, replacing her lungs that had
gone...where?
"Vidiians?"
"We're
long out of Vidiian space, Commander," Tom replied quickly as he prepared
Kathryn for the transplant. "And they're not likely to be responsible
anyway."
Chakotay
nodded. His mind was in a whirl and he was ready to blame anything. He was
afraid to touch Kathryn again, for fear he would feel the same coldness. He
didn't want that disappointment. Somewhere, her words came to him, words she
had spoken only four nights ago.
It's very liberating,
you know...that I can lie in your arms like this. One day, when we get home, we
must visit
Why
It's where it all started, I guess. We all have
roots. I'm proud of mine...
Then I'll take you home again, my love.
Minutes later Kathryn had played the melody for him, and he heard the haunting strains fill his cabin. Kathryn had smiled.
Hey, that's a beautiful melody...
In four days' time, it will be our day,
Chakotay. I am your Kathleen...
The Doctor's voice, sounding like a screeching owl, drove away his memories of that conversation with Kathryn.
"Ready,
Mr Paris?"
"On your mark, Doc."
The next
moment a small blue beam swished around Kathryn. The instant her new lungs
functioned, she gave a huge gulp. Her bosom heaved once, then
she sagged back on the bed.
"Kathryn...open your eyes...please," Chakotay pleaded softly when
Kathryn's eyes remained closed.
"Commander..."
"Come
on, Kathryn. We have a ship to take home, you hear me?"
"Commander,
please..."
Kathryn
groaned softly. Chakotay's heart hammered as he waited for her to make any
movement indicating she heard him. Slowly she opened her eyes, turning her head
in the direction of his voice. Her eyes appeared glazed, but he thought she
recognised him.
"Chakotay...what's
wrong with me?" she whispered, her breath again raspy, pained and short.
"I - I
don't know, Kathryn. The Doctor has fixed you up - "
"Fix me
up? H-how?"
"Captain,"
the doctor began as he moved so that she could see him, "your lungs
collapsed, then disintegrated. I've replicated lungs. You are breathing with
new lungs, Captain."
Kathryn
raised her hand, but she was so weak that it fell back again. Chakotay took her
hand in his.
"We
don't know what has happened Kathryn, but we'll find out soon, okay?"
Kathryn
frowned again, her gaze locked on him; her eyeballs moved as she fixed on his
face, his hands, his chest, hair, tattoo. Then, as if too tired to keep
looking, her eyes fell closed again.
"Kathryn!"
"I
feel disembodied, Chakotay, as if - "
"Spirits,
Doctor, do something!"
"I'm h-here, and not here..." Kathryn murmured, her voice
becoming more and more feeble, drifting away helplessly.
He saw a tear squeeze out and roll down her cheek. "P-pain..."
The doctor
hurried to her side.
"Captain,
please, you must not move. You've been through a difficult procedure and we've
just managed to stabilise you..."
"Why
do I feel as if I'm not here?"
Tom, who
had been at the monitor, gave a little gasp.
"Doc,
look here..."
The EMH
hurried over to where Tom stood. Chakotay rubbed the back of Kathryn's ice-cold
hand. Her face contracted once, twice; another tear rolled down. He was
powerless and it ate into him.
"Kathryn,
we'll have you out of sickbay in no time. Then we'll have our very important
date tonight..."
"What
date, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked.
Didn't she remember?
He strained to hear her for her voice was almost completely gone. It wasn't a whisper, just that her voice...deleted itself...
"You
remember, Kathryn? You promised to marry me, tonight?"
"We
are to be married?" came the almost disembodied
voice of Kathryn. Chakotay thought the voice hovered above his head, like a
spirit trying to find a connection to the real world. His heart sank. She could
hardly hear him. He wanted to scream, but realised he had to control his
emotions, already too difficult to keep in check. Kathryn was leaving him, and
she was leaving him behind...
"Yes,
we're getting married tonight."
"Did I
say that?"
The fear
came and tore his insides, filling him with intense dread. He was going to
burst soon, and his fear was going to touch her. Kathryn's eyes remained
closed, her face so pallid as to resemble a white withering rose. Kathryn
didn't remember their conversations, or her promise to marry him. They had
wanted to wait a week, for Kathryn needed to clothe herself in her new freedom
and enjoy him as her beloved and not yet as her lover. Tonight would have been
their wedding night.
"Yes,
Kathryn," he sighed, feeling very close to tears. "You said
that..."
"I'm
afraid I don't remember..." She was silent for a moment, then, "Chakotay...?"
"Yes,
Kathryn?"
"Where
am I?"
"In sickbay."
She opened
her eyes this time, the effort so laborious that he wished she hadn't tried.
"Sickbay...where?"
He turned
ice-cold.
"On Voyager."
"Voyager? A ship?"
Covering her hand, he pressed his forehead against her bosom. Kathryn's memory was slowly fading. He wondered suddenly if she knew she was the Captain of Voyager. Kathryn gave another shudder.
"Do -
do you remember me?" he asked.
"Who
are you...?"
"Kathryn!"
Then she
quietly slipped into unsconsciousness again. Tom and the Doctor joined him.
"She's
dying...I can feel it. And I don't know why... It's something, a mystery,"
he murmured as he touched Kathryn's cold cheek.
"Commander,
I'm afraid the prognosis isn't good. We're keeping the Captain alive through
artificial means. Mr Paris?"
Tom stepped
up so that he faced Chakotay.
"The
replicated lungs are also disappearing, Commander. So are the rest of her vital
organs. I'm sorry..."
"What?"
"I'm
capturing the Captain's remaining synapses, masking them so that the rate of
disintegration will be delayed. Most of her memories have corroded, but what we
have we can work with until we can clear up the mystery..."
Chakotay rose
to his feet, too agitated to speak. He grabbed
"I'm
afraid, Commander, that not only are her vital organs
gone now, but look at this..."
He pressed
a panel and the dome slid down. Chakotay's eyes widened and he gave a loud cry
of dismay. Even as he looked, Kathryn's feet were disappearing, the fading
creeping up along the rest of her body.
"Spirits...
Kathryn!"
"We're
setting up a medi-bay in the holodeck, Commander," the doctor said evenly
as he raised the dome again. He took Chakotay by the shoulders and turned him
away from the stricken Captain.
"No!
Leave the dome down! I must see her! Kathryn, don't leave, for God's sake.
Don't leave!"
"Mr
Paris..."
"I'm
already on it, Doc. In two minutes holodeck 1 will be ready."
Chakotay
stared aghast as the rest of Kathryn's body quietly disappeared from the
biobed.
There was a
shocked silence. Then,
"Kathryn?"
he called feebly. "Kathryn?"
***
"The
captain remains in a...critical condition," Chakotay's voice sounded
during the ship-wide communication, "but we are still heading for Ankares
IV. We hope to have her back with us very soon. In the meantime you are to
resume your normal duties. Chakotay out." He had
hoped he could keep his voice even, but the slight faltering when he mentioned
'critical' was his undoing.
It was the
best he could do in the circumstances without alarming the crew too much. He
couldn't tell them Kathryn was dead. She was gone, vanished like a phantom. Did
that constitute being dead? Was Kathryn gone from them forever? He gave a
violent shudder, unwilling to entertain that vile and unhappy thought
further.
The holodeck
looked empty, impersonal. Chakotay stood in the middle, away from the bed on
which the holographic Kathryn Janeway lay. Tom had set up the medi-bay here,
where at least Kathryn's remaining active synapses could be protected and
masked until they found out what had happened to her. The Doctor had been swift
in his reaction to suggest a hologram of Kathryn. His words that they might
need it until the real Kathryn could be cured, sounded
like an evil portent. Was he ever going to see her again? Was this form of
Kathryn to be her fate forever?
It distressed him to see her like this. Her last sensations before she faded away completely were that she felt she wasn't present among them; she was disembodied and didn't remember Voyager, or him. She had sounded afraid, and he had almost never seen Kathryn Janeway afraid of anything. What happened was unknown, and what dread he saw in her eyes and heard in her voice was because it was an unknown factor, something for which she couldn't find a logical explanation. How could she? Within minutes, she changed from a super healthy human being to a hologram.
It was
quiet now. Very soon he had to address the senior crew, outlining details of
Kathryn's condition, and hopefully, there'd be some progress made by the EMH.
Chakotay was exhausted, although only an hour had passed since Kathryn
collapsed on the bridge. Tom had written a programme, using the last remaining
active synaptic patterns as a template to create Kathryn's hologram.
"But
even if we wake her up, Commander, there is no guarantee that she will have any
memory of anything, especially of her life on Voyager. Besides, she will be a
hologram..." Tom had looked flustered, almost uncomfortable when he spoke.
"It would be best if she remained in stasis..."
The EMH was
in sickbay running every subroutine in his medical knowledge and history of
Earth medicine to find something, however unlikely it looked, however small or
insignificant. Magnus Rollins, who had gone off duty finally, had given him the
assurance that there were no anomalies that could have affected the Captain.
"In
that case, Commander Chakotay, many more on the ship would have been affected.
Perhaps that may be the clue." Tuvok had listened in from the ready room
and concurred with Magnus. Whatever happened had nothing to do with the
present, and the here and now. They had run diagnostics, scanned the area and
come up blank.
He didn't
want to leave Kathryn's side; even as a hologram, she was Kathryn, his Kathryn,
Captain of Voyager, the one who had helped every known stricken alien, or
vessel, or race during their last eight years in the Delta Quadrant. He sat down beside
the bed and took her hand in his. The controls had been set to give her normal
human body temperature, so she didn't feel cold. He had felt strange, looking
at her and touching her hand, her cheek. It felt real, yet she wasn't real.
Only the remnants of her brain patterns resided with her, and he was not part
of the residual memory. He shook his head. His own
knowledge of the unexplained was still too limited to deduce what had struck
her down.
Tom remained busy at the monitor, keeping an eye on Kathryn's brainwaves.
The
helmsman walked over to him and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
"Look,
Chakotay, I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this mystery. When the Captain
has recovered, we will have the wedding ceremony, just like you planned."
"She
didn't remember anything,
Although he
deeply distressed, he didn't feel discomfort sharing his feelings with Tom
Paris. The crew's response to the announcement of their marriage had been
whoops of joy. Kathryn had been surprised, almost overawed. It was what she
needed to hear, what they both needed - the acceptance of the crew, and their
blessing on the union of the Captain and her first officer.
"I
know, Chakotay. I'm sorry to see her like this too." He shook his head, then said pensively, "The way her organs just slowly
melted away, it made me think of something...an old twentieh century
movie...faces that disappeared one by one off a photograph...in it the
timeline..."
Tom stopped suddenly, gave a gasp that
sounded very like
"What
is it?"
Hope flared like a sudden bright flame that lit the room as he looked at the helmsman whose eyes suddenly sparked with renewed energy. Tom gripped his shoulders, fingers digging so hard into his flesh that he winced. Tom didn't even notice. His face looked animated; he had been struck by a brilliant epiphany.
"We
have been looking in the wrong places, Chakotay. All the wrong places... I
should have hit on it immediately... Of course she would fade if - " Tom stopped suddenly, hitting his commbadge.
"
Chakotay
looked non-plussed at
"Yes,
Mr Paris, what is it?" the EMH asked, his voice sounding tinny over the
comm link.
"I
think you should come to the holodeck right away, Doc. I have just made a
brilliant discovery."
"That's a coincidence. I was just about to hail Commander Chakotay. I
think we may have the same brilliant idea. Doctor out."
"What's
your brilliant idea,
"Chakotay,
it's not such a long shot after all. The Captain's been the only one on this
vessel who has been affected by the temporal surge, right? None of us showed
any symptoms because nothing happened to any of the crew. Hell, why didn't I
think of it before?
"So
that's the cause after all? That two second temporal displacement we had
earlier?"
"Not
the surge, directly," Tom replied, glancing quickly at the doors when the
EMH entered.
"I
have reason to believe, Commander," the Doctor interjected as he
approached them, "that the Captain's timeline has been altered or
polluted."
"What?"
His
surprise was genuine, and yet it made perfect sense. There was a tingling
sensation down his spine; his neck hair bristled. Did a cold whiff of air
suddenly blow over him? It made sense, yes, but why Kathryn? And
how?
Chakotay
knew about timelines; Kathryn had always declared temporal anomalies a headache.
If that were so, why were they all still here, and why
was Voyager still intact? Didn't it mean that the causality paradox determined
a different path for Voyager with a different commanding officer? Would Voyager
have been in the Delta Quadrant at all? And if so, wouldn't their path have
been changed, based on the difference in the decisions the captains made? He
shook his head, his temples throbbing.
He was frustrated at his inability to reason it out logically. There was
no time, or he was so frantic, his own disturbed thoughts prevented him from
looking at things clearly. He was in a hurry and he was trying to think too fast.
He looked at Tom through glazed eyes. All he could really see was that Tom's lips moved, his voice echoing in the holodeck.
"Commander,
the way the Captain's vital organs started to disappear, and eventually her
body, means that an ancestor in her direct line is no longer a part of her
history. It's the reason she's not with us anymore and has effectively ceased
to exist..."
"You're
sure about this?" he asked, still sounding woefully sceptical and unsure.
"I
don't need to explain that a body that dies when someone tampers with its
normal timeline, will not have any descendants, or it
will have a completely different descendancy and destiny, if you will."
"That
person marries someone else for instance and history could be changed..."
"Precisely!" The doctor crowed with triumph. Tom Paris cleared his throat, reminding
him that he had not arrived at his conclusion alone. "Yes, we have hit on
the root - the root, yes, the root of the problem."
"I get
it. I understand now. What we have to do is trace the
Captain's genealogy and try and find the point of origin of the
pollution."
"Yes,
Chakotay," Tom said, excited. "But when we have
traced it, what then?"
"We'll
cross that bridge when we come to it, Tom. We need to sit down and discuss
this. The senior officers must be informed."
"Agreed. The Captain is...safe for now, though I should think that time will be
of the essence if we're to restore her to her own timeline."
"I'll
call a meeting in half an hour. I need to have some time alone here..."
"We
may not have time," Tom started.
"Wait!"
the doctor commanded suddenly, looking at the sleeping hologram of Captain Janeway,
then at them. "Do you realise that the Captain's sister may also have
ceased to exist?"
There was a
deadly silence as the import of his words sank in.
"Oh,
my God..." Tom exclaimed, whistling softly after that.
"We've
forgotten completely about Kathryn's sister..." Chakotay said, feeling the
darkness settling in him again.
"Was
she married, Commander?" the doctor asked him.
"To a
Bajoran... Dale Kente..."
"I
hate to ask this, Commander. Did Phoebe have any children? They would be in the
direct line too..."
He tried to
think, tried to remember what Kathryn had said only four days ago. He
remembered it was on the night she first played him that haunting Irish melody.
Phoebe...Phoebe...
"Two
sons, Doctor."
"Oh
no," Tom groaned.
"No,
they are alive, I'm sure," Chakotay told them. Then his voice dropped to a
whisper, unwilling to reveal anything personal of the Captain to them.
"Phoebe's and Dale's sons are adopted. They are Bajoran boys, orphaned during the Cardassian Purge. They - they would not be affected. I don't know of any other children..."
"Then
at least, the boys are safe," Tom said, "although we need to contact
Starfleet about Phoebe, and about our finding."
"Yes,
we must contact them as soon as possible. Put B'Elanna on it to send a message
through the datastream. They need to be warned."
Tom and the
Doctor both nodded and seconds later, Chakotay found himself
alone with Kathryn in the holodeck. The bed stood in the middle of the floor,
with some of the equipment the doctor had transported there. It was so
impersonal, so cold and distant, like Kathryn was now.
He sat down
again and took Kathryn's hand, rubbing the back of it.
"To me
you're real, Kathryn. I can't look at your hair and not think it doesn't really
exist, because it does," he whispered softly to her. "I can't look at
your mouth and not remember how you smile. I can't touch your cheek and not
remember how you'd want the moment to last forever. I can't, Kathryn. You're
real to me. I can't look into your eyes and not remember the moment when you
said
you loved
me. We've been on this ship so long, been friends so long. I know you so well,
as well as you know me. Then you must know, Kathryn, I'll not give up until we have
restored you to take your place again on the bridge in the command chair,
leading this crew, with me by your side..."
His words
echoed in the holodeck. There were no adornments, no warm furnishing to soften
the tragedy - just the stark, grey and yellow grid...mocking him. Reality was
Kathryn's face, alive, driven with purpose, softened in her love, the way she
inclined her head, the way her mouth curved at the corner when she was amused.
That was real. The illusion lay here before him, held together in precarious
balance by the reality of a few stray nerve fibres. Yet, illusion kept his hope
alive that soon it would be Kathryn Janeway, a living breathing human and not a
photonic being that would kiss him, or lie in his arms at night. And though his
words sounded empty, an echo, he knew they filled the room with his passionate
pleas that she be brought back to them. He caressed
her hair, hair that felt no different than that of the real Kathryn. It was
silky soft, and he groaned in pain at the loss, at allowing his loss to terrify
him.
"Forgive
me, Kathryn. It won't happen again. Tonight we would have been married, you and
I. It was going to be the most important day of our lives. But I promise you,
our wedding will happen. It must happen. It must happen," he repeated
urgently.
Chakotay
bent over Kathryn and kissed her lips. They felt warm as his lips lingered on
hers. He choked back a sob as he stood away from the bed.
"We'll
marry and we'll have a son and a daughter. It is our destiny."
**********
It felt
strange to him to sit in the chair usually reserved for the captain in the
briefing room. His
news of what had happened to her had initially shocked them. He
looked at them in turn, noting the concern and sadness on each face. B'Elanna
found a spot on the table to study. He hoped that look meant the wheels in her
head were turning. Seven of Nine looked as she always did - impassive - though he knew that
she too, was turning over information in her head. Tuvok busied himself with an
occupation he must have learnt from the humans on board - lacing his fingers
and rolling his thumbs.
The EMH was
silent.
Neelix
looked animated.
"How
is the Captain, Commander?" he asked.
All eyes
were on him, waiting for his response.
"The
Captain is in a kind of stasis," he replied.
"Explain,"
demanded Seven of Nine.
"Her
vital functions didn't just come to a stop. In fact, she was already beginning
to disintegrate while we were on the bridge. None of the rest of us was affected by
the temporal surge. In sickbay, it was just a matter of time and despite the
fact that the doctor had replicated her lungs before she disappeared
completely. By the time we realised that, the doctor was only able to retrieve
the Captain's remaining active synapses before they,
too, vanished."
"That
is why we are keeping the Captain 'alive' in holographic form."
"But
wouldn't the remaining nerves have gone too if this were a pollution of the Captain's
timeline?" asked Harry, frowning heavily. That they could save something
of the Captain seemed to baffle him since he made the logical assumption that
everything of Captain Janeway should have been wiped out.
"I had managed to 'mask' those synapses," explained the EMH, "before I knew that the problem was a temporal anomaly. Now I'm glad I did, so that whoever the villain in the timeline is, couldn't wipe out everything. Perhaps some of you will feel a loss of some kind, those whose lives had been influenced by the Captain. Whoever thought they could bypass the twenty fourth century Federation technology of Voyager which has Borg technology integrated into her systems, was in error. What we are doing is keeping Voyager, as well as the Captain, safe until we can do something to restore her. You're correct, Mr Kim. By rights Voyager might have had another commanding officer who might have made completely different decisions... I might not be here at all..."
They nodded
in agreement. It was true, Chakotay thought. They were all kept in the
captain's timeline by nothing more than a cloaked brain pattern.
"I
concur. I take it that you have discovered the cause of the problem,"
Tuvok said.
"Will
we have her back?"
"Patience,
guys. Commander Chakotay will explain and assign each of us specific
tasks," Tom assured them.
"How
can we help?"
Chakotay looked at the EMH. A boulder was pressing down on his chest as he battled to remain calm. Time, as the EMH said, was going to be of the essence. A tragedy was unfolding in which, if they couldn't do anything, they'd have no control and Kathryn would be a hologram forever. The doctor would have the unenviable task of declaring the captain of Voyager dead. He closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair. He would have to continue his life without her. It was a prospect he found unbearable.
"Doctor?"
he croaked, feeling a lump rising in his throat.
"Lieutenant
Torres has established a link through the datastream to Starfleet Headquarters
to enquire about the fate of Phoebe Janeway. They have been informed of the
Captain's condition - "
"I am
awaiting confirmation from Starfleet, but it will take some time,"
B'Elanna said. "I've also said that we are working on a solution. I'll be
in Astrophysics on standby for a response from them..
Who knows, they may be telling us the Captain's father never existed..."
B'Elanna
had kept her eyes on Chakotay all the time as she spoke. He knew she was going
to corner him sometime. She looked ready to fight a few battles with whoever
the villain was.
"Tom
and I will research the timeline and the captain's genealogy. I..." he
paused, swallowing first before he looked at all of them in turn. "I have the codes for
her private files and family history; of
those files and logs I transferred to my own computers..." If he thought
they might find his revelation extraordinary, their understanding looks filled
him with hope. They were to be married; they wanted no secrets. "Tom is
our resident expert in twentieth century history - "
"We
might have to delve further than that, Commander," Tom said.
"I
know. Tuvok, you and Harry must scan for all possible temporal anomalies, in
case we experience another surge. We're keeping Voyager on yellow alert."
It was Seven
of Nine who rose from her seat to her impressive height, looking straight at
him.
"What
is it, Seven?"
"When we have established the point of origin of the pollution,
what then?"
They
remained somewhat stunned for a second. He hadn't thought that far. How would
they get to the past?
"I do
believe you have an idea, Seven?" the doctor said.
"I
have studied Voyager's database and the events of the years before I came on
board. Voyager was thrust through a temporal rift and reached earth in the year
1996 - "
"I get
it!" Harry exclaimed, excitement in his voice. "If we can make
contact with Captain Braxton, he could assist us."
"In
the 29th century," Seven of Nine continued, "time travel has been
perfected, but also abused by men like Henry Starling. A Temporal Prime
Directive exists with time police who monitor time travel. Captain Braxton
might be the right person to contact."
"How?" Chakotay asked, his hope flaring. It was stupid to ask,
since the germ of Seven's as yet unvoiced method was already taking root. They
were getting closer and closer to a possible solution and he felt a persistent
thudding against his ribcage. The senior officers were thinking like a team. He
thought that Kathryn would have been proud of them.
"Commander, while investigations are carried out by the others, I will consult with the doctor. That way we can save time. We can then pool our findings..."
Only then did Seven drop her gaze. He sighed. She had not taken it well when he let her down gently. But that was history. They needed her expertise and it would be time wasting if she explained in detail what she had mind. So he nodded.
"Understood, Seven. We meet here in two hours. Dismissed."
*****
END CHAPTER
ONE