BOOK ONE: BEGINNINGS

CHAPTER FIVE

Chakotay exited the turbolift and trod slowly towards his quarters. He leaned heavily on the walking stick Sergei had given him. The crutches had long since been discarded; in the last three months, Sergei had treated him, breaking the fractured bones again and then fusing them into the correct position. Each time, Chakotay had refused a painkiller but nonetheless gritted his teeth as the painful procedure was effected.

"There, that should do it, Chakotay. Use the walking stick for the next few days. Be careful."

"I will," he had replied a few minutes ago. His face had been drawn, the ravages of pain still evident. Sergei had shaken his head and gave him a little phial. "Here, in case the pain gets too severe."

Chakotay hesitated at first, then reluctantly took the phial of painkillers from his friend. Sergei had given a relieved sigh as he looked at Chakotay. As he turned to leave, Sergei caught his arm.

"What is it?" Chakotay asked.

"Give Kathryn my regards," he said jovially.

Chakotay grinned, a sparkle returning to his eyes at the mention of Kathryn's name.

"When am I supposed to do that?" Chakotay asked as he moved to the sick bay doors.

"You talk to her on subspace every week, Chak. You'll be hearing from her in the next hour or so, right?"

Chakotay stopped, pointed his walking stick and prodded it against Sergei's chest.

"I should resent that you want to organise my private life for me, Sergei. However, this time I shall overlook your enthusiasm and excuse you. But Sergei, it's my business, okay?"

"Okay!" Sergei laughed and Chakotay had shaken his head at his friend's obvious happiness. A few weeks ago, in a congenial moment when they were in the observation lounge, Sergei had been effusive.

"She's good for you, Chakotay. I can see how the edgy look in your eyes has been slowly replaced."

Chakotay had shaken his head, not surprised that his best friend Sergei could know him so well. They had been friends since their Academy days, had managed every time to be assigned to the same vessels. Svetlana had been attracted to him, but he had had little interest in serious relationships. When he steered Svetlana gently towards Sergei, it had been the best thing that had happened. Naturally, Dalene Petranoff had been the primary engineer in the move to get one of her friends hitched with an eligible bachelor, that man being Sergei Karkoff. Now they had a little boy and very soon Svetlana would be giving birth to their second child.

Chakotay sighed. His search for happiness had finally come to an end. He reached his quarters, surprised to find himself there, he had been so deep in thought. His heart surged  wildly. The Ormskirk was finally in Federation space again after almost six months, and he and Kathryn had been communicating regularly once a week as they had arranged.

Tonight she was due to call in an hour and he was looking forward to it. After he keyed in his code, the doors slid open and his quarters welcomed him. It was dark  and he decided to leave it that way. His leg ached and when he reached his lounge, he sagged gratefully down on it. He gave a deep sigh as he threw his head back and closed his eyes.

He had been right when he told Kathryn at the beginning that he didn't think that they could remain just friends. While he was over the moon that they could explore that aspect of their relationship too, there were many deep currents of attraction between them that… He gave a little moan as he remembered some of their conversations. In the beginning they had just talked; he learned about her family, about her friendship with Mark and  Dalene, her father and Justin who had died together in an accident, her particular connection to Admiral Paris and his family. She learned about his family, his mother and father, two brothers and a sister who lived on Dorvan V.

"You don't sound happy about your Dad…" she said, noticing intuitively how his voice changed to disparaging tones when he spoke about Kolopak.

"The man dragged me all the way from Dorvan V to Earth to search for the Rubber Tree People and to be inducted into the traditions of his tribe, Kathryn."

"And you didn't like that?"

"I was fifteen, and rebellious. I was looking at the stars, dreaming about starships, going to the Academy... I couldn't understand their ways, nor accept them, Kathryn. It's archaic; quaint and anachronistic. They shunned all forms of technology, for heaven's sake."

"Sounds to me like a good tradition to uphold - " she had ventured.

"Are you on his side, Kathryn?" He had sounded flinty, sharp and irritable. He pursed his lips when he saw the hurt expression in her eyes. Then the fire returned as she defended his own father to him.

"Look, Kolopak embraced certain traditions that he felt were worthy of being followed. That doesn't make him bad - "

"He wanted me to embrace them, don't you understand? He has this crazy tattoo drawn on his brow. Like this…"

Chakotay had taken a finger and drawn the imaginary outline of the tattoo over his left brow. He cursed under his breath when Kathryn smiled, then said sweetly:

"I think you would look very handsome with one, Chakotay." There had been a teasing lilt to her voice, but he could also see that her eyes held a kindness, as well as something serious. "You would look good… Very Native American…"

He had told her of his race when she asked about it one evening, looking again at the little Grey Eagle she held in her hand. She always had it in her hand whenever she called, or when he initiated a subspace communication.

"I don't think so. They're - "

"Olde worlde, I know. But don't hate your father, Chakotay. At least you got to do things with him, and he was always there…"

There had been a wistful sound to Kathryn's voice. She had told him one evening about her own father, Edward Adam Janeway, who was rarely home to be  with his daughters. She had been tearful one evening when she recounted how he was never present at her school prizegivings, always either late, or with the excuse that he couldn't make it. There was always some mission into deep space, or some unavoidable occurrence that prevented him from attending. Later Edward Janeway had found it difficult to connect with his daughters. Only when Kathryn had attended the Academy, had things changed.  Kathryn told him that she liked to think it was because he had made a conscious effort to be there, and as a result, that she had begun to enjoy a closer relationship with her father.

"But I always regretted not having had that bond when I was growing up. Don't - don't let your father get too distant, Chakotay," she had said with heartfelt emotion.

Then one evening when he called her, she had seemed out of breath. She was again on the Crimond, somewhere in Federation Space. He had been rushing to get to his office and set up the subspace communication. It was just over two months after she’d called that first night. Chakotay felt a delicious thrill of pleasure thinking about that night. After that…He sighed. In his quarters, thinking about it, he became aroused just thinking about what they did.

"Kathryn? I'm sorry, you've obviously been rushing from…somewhere," he said, smiling at how the water still dripped from her hair. She looked beautiful - beautiful and…wanton, with her hair hanging in wet strands about her face. That was not all. Kathryn was naked. He saw how she quickly pulled on her robe tighter to her, how her face became flushed, how…her lips parted… He had visions of the night he kissed her.

"I was in the tub…" She sounded so completely at home in his presence it didn't bother her in the least that he saw her in her state of undress.

"Perhaps I should call again another time. I've obviously disturbed you." He said it deliberately, enjoying her rapid reaction when he leaned forward to touch the panels on his computer.

Kathryn lifted one elegant eyebrow; he could feel the heat bouncing off his screen. At least, that was how it felt when Kathryn's eyes narrowed seductively.

"You do that, Chakotay, and I'll not let you see me…like this…" Then she pulled the lapels of the robe away from her shoulders, revealing... He trembled, blinked, then gaped. He could see her creamy breasts, the way her skin, almost translucent, glistened, the pulsing  in the hollow of her neck. He knew even as he trailed his eyes over those planes, that his own breathing had become shallow, deep, gasping. He also had an embarrassingly painful erection.

"Kathryn…" His voice was no more than a capitulatory groan.

"Give me something to dream about tonight, Chakotay," she commanded huskily. He saw how her hands went up to cup those creamy breasts, gently rolling her nipples between thumb and forefinger. He could only gape and ache with the pain of his arousal. Then Kathryn smiled. It was the smile of a predatory cat. How had it happened? He had been dazed, knocked senseless by the abandon with which Kathryn exposed herself to him, supremely confident of the effect on him. He blinked again, wanting to believe he was experiencing a dream, a horrible, brilliant, beautiful sensual dream. He had slowly removed his jacket, the undershirt, wiggled himself out of his trousers…until he too, sat naked at his console.

"Don't tempt me, Kat…" he whispered at last as the heat rose in him, answering to the heat he could see in her eyes; she was smouldering and her hands never stopped moving as she caressed her breasts, trailed her fingers over the skin, throwing her head back. He could only see her upper body, but for the moment it had been enough…enough…

"Make love to me..."

He sucked in his breath at her command.

"Close your eyes, Kat. I'm taking you on a journey," he croaked. He watched as her eyes closed, a soft hiss escaping her barely parted lips. She arched her neck and he could see the pulsing in the hollow. Her fingers were splayed across her breasts. She was waiting for him, waiting to follow his instructions... "Now, trail your fingers...down...slowly, Kat, slowly..." he coaxed, his own hand already covering his shaft, rubbing the length gently. Spirits! What Kathryn was doing to him... Kathryn's fingers trailed, and where they moved, he could actually see a faint, reddish mark as her skin responded and tingled to her touch. "It's my hands there, sweetheart," he urged and she pressed her fingers harder against her skin..

"I know," she breathed throatily, keeping her eyes closed.

"Rise, Kathryn," he commanded, "and lift one foot on your chair..."  There was no pause, no thinking about her actions or shrinking away from what he wanted her to do. When she rose from her chair and did as he asked, he could see her lower body, the soft tuft of hair at her centre. He groaned deeply as he imagined his hands moving down, his own fingers caressing the damp little curls - he knew they were damp - and letting his forefinger move away her moist folds. They separated and he wanted to die when her folds showed a soft, warm pinkish hue. They blossomed into thick fullness before his eyes, the folds trembling exactly as the petals of a rose would tremble in a light breeze.

"More, Chakotay," he heard her voice in pleading tones, as he watched how she was about to slip her finger into her centre.

"No, too soon, honey, take it easy, slowly, easy does it..."

Her fingers paused at her slit.

"Release your clit, your heart is there..."

He wanted to die as she complied, her thumb pushing the fold back and the tiny, pink nub exposed. It was his fingers doing the work as he imagined himself fitting into her, exploring, rubbing, kissing... He pressed his finger into her moist centre, drew it out again and then he rubbed her clit in aching little circular motions that had Kathryn writhing, her hips pushing closer to her screen so that he had an even clearer view of her skin, how it shone from the dampness, her fingers working her clit until he could hear her cry like a mewling kitten, starting, increasing intensity as she neared her climax. "Almost there, Kathryn," he whispered. Then he groaned out loud, his own hand gripping his shaft hard, rubbing, frigging, rubbing, knowing that in a minute he'd ejaculate.

"Now, sweet Kat, dip two fingers in your slit. Go, go, go...deeper, move out far, push in, Kat, hard, let me ram into you." Kathryn complied as she widened her thighs to gain deeper entry. She grunted, and though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was flushed, deep in the throes of her coming orgasm. He heard her keen, a long, thin wail.

"Remove your fingers, Kathryn, now!"

She complied.

"Cover your centre with your hand. Fondle it, caress it... Let me see your hand press closer, Kat. Closer... It's my mouth there, sweet Kathryn. My mouth is covering you, my heat is melting with yours. You taste like heaven's own nectar, sweet and moist, my tongue has slipped in...." Kathryn's hand moved, danced all over her pubis and centre. Chakotay moved with her, gasping, grunting, connecting with her rhythm as together they thundered towards the edge. His body tensed painfully and in his daze of passion he saw Kathryn's leg lifting away from the chair as she too, tensed.

Then Kathryn screamed his name as she came, spilling, spilling... Chakotay cried out as his own body arched, his shaft shuddering as he spilled his semen.

"Chakotay!"

"Kat...oh, Kathryn...!"

Minutes later their heavy breathing calmed to a more even tenor. Chakotay's hand touched the stickiness around him and he groaned. Kathryn had meanwhile collapsed again into her chair. She looked stunned, Chakotay thought. Completely stunned by what had just happened. Then her eyes closed.

"Kathryn? Sweetheart?" Chakotay was immediately concerned.

She opened her eyes again. They were swimming in tears. He felt his own eyes burn. Her fingers trembled as they touched her lips. She gave a sob and the next moment, he stared dumbfounded at the Federation insignia.

Chakotay pulled himself to the present and sighed deeply. Kathryn hadn't called him the following week. It had been her turn and he thought that she hadn't wanted to have anything more to do with him. They had done something memorable, not impossible, but something that was the natural expression of’the chemistry that existed between them. It was undeniable, the deep attraction between them. When he said that first time that they couldn't remain just friends, he had had an intuitive feeling that they could be lovers. Friends, lovers, soul mates. Those ingredients were there. They had been there - at least a promise of them since she had opened her front door for him in Paris and he had seen her the first time.

They were strangers when they met, but by the end of the evening, he had given in to the knowledge that they could be strangers no more. Not in the superficial sense, but deep down, he could know her and know that one day soon, there'd be intimacies of the kind they shared a few weeks ago. Kathryn had been generous, smouldering with passion and feral. Like a little wild cat she pounced on him and he? He responded with the same passion, attacked and clawed. Yet, they never touched.

Chakotay walked towards his office and sat down in his chair, still deeply pensive. They'd be home in a week, and he was inordinately glad. He missed Kathryn, missed her with terrifying intensity. Their cyber subspace sex served only to whet their appetites, increase a hundred-fold his hunger for her. He longed for her hands to touch his body. He wanted to feel her quivering beneath his touch, taste her and make her writhe with passion. He wanted her hands on him and to drown in her eyes. It was frustrating, maddening that he couldn't be near her, on top of her, under her... She had been distraught after their lovemaking and hadn't contacted him.  It left him worried, sick with dread that she might have taken flight.

It had been only last week that Kathryn had called again. It had been her turn and he was afraid that she'd never make the attempt to call him. But, she did.

"I'm sorry I cut you off like that, Chakotay," she said quietly, as if the two weeks in between had never happened.

"It's alright, Kathryn. I was just worried that you might never want to speak with me again." He smiled, hoping that he'd reassure her that way since she looked so strained. "Besides, I enjoyed it." He was rewarded when she smiled shyly and turned her face away from him. "So, what happened, Kathryn?"  He had wanted to know why she cut him off.

"I - " she started, paused and looked away again. He frowned.

"Kathryn?"

She turned so she could face him again. Her eyes were deep pools of...sadness? Longing? His heart raced at that thought. Did she feel the way he was feeling?

"I need you, Chakotay," she said finally, then she wiped at the first tear that rolled down her cheek.

His voice was hoarse when he replied:

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway."

He had never known such peace as did descend on him when he made that admission.

"I want to lie in your arms, Chakotay, and tell you how much you mean to me..."

What happened was inevitable, an unstoppable train hurtling towards its destination. It was going to happen, he thought. Their weekly communications had become at times intricate games of sexual innuendo at others sweetly intimate conversation in which they bared their hearts. He had been afraid in the beginning, afraid to lose his heart, and now that it had happened, it seemed he found with it an immense freedom. Kathryn had experienced it too, and  he had been tenderly supportive when she stumbled through telling him how her father and Justin died. Justin whom she’d loved with her heart. Perhaps she had been more afraid, he thought. She hadn't wanted to give her heart, had not been… Hell, it was an admission to make, great courage to tell him that she needed him. He needed her too.

"Touch the screen, Kathryn, my love," he asked, his throat thick with emotion. Her fingers splayed across her screen and he did the same, each of his fingers touching hers. As if they were really in the same room, so tangible was the touch that he could feel the heat of it. They sat like that and Chakotay had closed his eyes, feeling again the burn behind his closed eyelids.

"I love you, Kathryn…"

"I love you too, Chakotay."

***

Chakotay jerked to attention when his console beeped. Kathryn! When he switched it on, her face was a most welcome sight.

"Kathryn… I missed you," he said, giving her a good impression of looking doleful.

"I missed you too. When are you due back on Earth?"

"Next week. We're about to dock at Deep Space Nine, and are bringing some dignitaries on our journey home."

Chakotay's heart wanted to leap out of his chest. Kathryn looked radiant, her hair hanging loosely, fanning about her slender shoulders.

"That's good. I'm home for a month. I - "

"Is something the matter, Kathryn?" he asked, frowning suddenly.

"No. It's just, we - we have to talk, you know. About when you're home…"

He knew what she alluded to. They hadn't talked about it yet. He was based in San Francisco, and she was in Paris. While that presented no logistical problems, it did suggest that they meet somewhere. The last four months would have been almost unendurable if not for their weekly communications which kept them sane. Sane and madly in love, with no way other than smoking up their screens to express it physically. He wanted to feel her close to him, to touch her hair as she stood in the sun, with its rays kissing the strands, shooting little fire sparks off it. He wanted to be next to her and see the colour of her eyes darken with desire, hell, with any kind of feeling. He knew she wanted the same. How many times had she touched her screen and said she imagined it was his brow, his lips, his cheeks?

He gave a little sigh.

"I have applied to be based in San Francisco for the next six months, Kathryn. I'll be instructing senior cadets and command track officers in Advanced Tactical Training again."

"Chakotay! And you didn't tell me last week!"

He had only mentioned it a month ago, when he hadn't been certain that he'd get it. He didn't want to get his hopes - and hers up -  by thinking it would be a done deal. But yesterday he had received official word from his commanding officer that he had been successful. He had given up that position two years ago to fly, but now, with Kathryn as part of his new dreams, he wanted a certain measure of security putting down a few roots, if only for a short while. A month ago he had been full of hope that Kathryn returned his feelings and it had been an act of faith that he had made the decision to become an instructor again.

"I wanted to be absolutely sure, sweetheart." He saw how her eyes warmed at the endearment. Touching the screen, he felt the thrill when her fingers joined his. "And," he added a little soberly as he lifted his cane for her to see, "I'm still under Sergei's care…"

"Chakotay…I do hope you'll have a full recovery…"

"I hope so too. I look like an old man with a walking stick. Twenty fourth century old man with a walking stick," he amended. Kathryn gave a relieved laugh at the way he derided himself.

"So, I'll be with you on Earth?" she asked.

"Naturally."

"Where on Earth?" Kathryn laughed  at the way her own words sounded.

"I must be at Starfleet headquarters a day after my arrival, for a briefing on my new posting."

"That's okay. I'll meet you at the transporter pads at Headquarters."  He knew then that she didn’t mind staying with him at his place. "Give me the codes to your apartment. Perhaps I can arrange to have it aired." He hadn't thought of that. His family lived on Dorvan V and he was so out of touch with them… "I can water your plants…" He had no plants. He should get a few prehensile ones… "And help you - "

"You know how I just love the way you take charge of my life, Kathryn."

"Nonsense. It's only because I don't want to waste one more moment not seeing you."

"You'll be waiting for me?"

"Chakotay, have you suddenly gone dense? I just said so." Kathryn's eyes sparkled. His heart burned with love for her.

"I can't believe it, Kathryn," he said soberly.

"Can't believe what?"

"That you can love me. You - I don't deserve you. My life has not been exactly - "

"Chakotay! How can you say that?"

"Kathryn, six months ago we were complete strangers," he said the words he had thought of earlier, "with no idea that we'd be here at this point. We - we've had sex, for heaven's sake… It’s been hard, Kathryn, not being able to get you out of my mind. I still can't get you out of my mind. I don't suppose I ever will, nor do I ever want you out of my mind and heart."

All the time Kathryn stared at him while he spoke, with her eyes misting over.

"We were strangers, Chakotay. I had no idea that the man who would knock on my door that night to take me to a concert would be the one I would lose my heart to. I am not afraid anymore, Chakotay. That stranger is a part of my life now, and I never want to part with him."

"I miss you terribly, Kat…"

"That's okay. I can make up a little for that," she suggested, her voice husky and seductive. He saw what she was going to do. Her hands had gone to her breasts, cupping them seductively. Then she started removing her top. She was wearing nothing underneath, he noticed in a daze.

He only had the strength to say, "I must warn you, I'm an invalid, Kathryn."

She blew steam against the screen and wheedled, "Nonsense, a month ago you were also an invalid and there was nothing wrong with your - "

"Halt, don't - "

" - voice," she mewled like a kitten as she sat facing him, her breasts gloriously pert and her nipples magnificently erect.

He knew he was beaten.

"Ah, Kathryn"

**** 

END CHAPTER FIVE

Chapter 6 

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