BOOK ONE: BEGINNINGS
CHAPTER SEVEN
What was she thinking? Kathryn Janeway sat in her Paris apartment the day before Chakotay was to arrive at Starfleet Headquarters. She had to meet Chakotay the next day and suddenly, there were butterflies crawling inside her. Why this onset of apprehension? she wondered.
Why? Mark was why. Admirals Paris and Ponsonby were the reason why. That's what. She was not normally given to these attacks of the willies; that she could feel meeting Chakotay the next day was going to be the most difficult thing to do. She had been excited, her insides quivering every time she just thought of his arrival and how she would stand near the transporter platforms and run into his arms the moment he materialised there. He was only to meet with his superiors the following day, so they had a good day and a half to get truly acquainted. It had been the longest six months of her life, she could swear by Apollo. Chakotay swore it along with her. He had contacted her a few days ago to make sure there was no mis-communication with the agreed meeting place, and then he had sworn his undying allegiance to her. She had been frustrated then, wanting to crawl right into her vidcom and kiss Chakotay till he couldn't breathe, or something. She had been certain, seeing the glow in Chakotay's eyes that he had wanted to do things with her, in the flesh, so to speak.
Mark. Admirals Paris and Ponsonby. She could swear they conspired against her goodwill and peace with the man of her...dreams.
Only the day before she had had that conversation with Mark, and while she had given him a not so willing ear to his reservations, she had been gratified that he had not seen her association with Chakotay as harmful per se to her everlasting peace of mind. He acknowledged, albeit with much pain that she had seen him attempt to hide, that she loved Chakotay. But it had come with the old conditions and warnings close friends and family were so fond of doing with those they loved, being concerned for her welfare.
Mark's quiet remonstrations had not fallen on deaf ears, though she had to admit that her concern was not about questioning Chakotay's faith and trust in her, or hers in him, but that she was afraid for Chakotay. That she had successfully managed to allay Mark's concerns, was only on the surface. She hated to admit it, but when she had taken time to sit back again after he had left, she had been given to more introspection. She loved Chakotay with all her heart, but how could she not help letting certain doubt settle in after Mark had been through with her?
The simmering atmosphere of unrest had not died down, and she was certain that it wouldn't die down in the foreseeable future. While they were not directly affected, it seemed so distant still. That Chakotay had made the decision to be based at the Academy for six months at least, gave her a measure of peace. But his family, his own homeworld was at risk. She was certain Chakotay was aware of that by now. There was not an officer ranking higher than Lieutenant who wasn't aware of the turmoil between Cardassia and the Federation.
This morning early she had been summoned by Admiral Paris and his cohort Adam Ponsonby to try and convince Chakotay to be of service to the Federation.
Kathryn wanted to tell them Chakotay was already working for the Federation, have they forgotten? What more did they want? He had already placed his life at risk more times than he could remember, and the latest, almost dying following a plunge down a mine shaft. Now he had a leg that took forever to heal, as if 24th century medical technology took a step back and said: "Sorry, Commander, but after a certain level of treatment, you're on your own". She had not wanted to agree to Admirals Paris and Ponsonby's proposal. Personally, she felt that Tom Paris, the Admiral's son, was a far better candidate for the job, although Tom had seen to it that he was stationed as far from his father as possible. Kathryn knew it was a selfish sentiment to want Chakotay to herself for six months. She hadn't seen him in six months. At least not, physically and face to face. She missed him and wanted her first day with him untrammelled by Federation Duties and Commissions. She and Andreas Buccholtz had themselves headed a little foray into Bajor where they had to speak to dozens of survivors of the Cardassian purge, and the stories they heard from them made her skin crawl. Their methods were evil, Gestapo-like in their execution. She wondered whether they had had insight into that period of Earth's history to lay waste so many homeworlds with so much thoroughness and aggression.
Then there was Dalene, who wanted to know which way Andreas Buccholtz went.
"He's gone to Mars, Day. His family settled there."
"And?" Dalene's smile teased, then her face tensed.
"He's married, Dalene..."
There was an uneasy silence for a few seconds. Dalene had given her a look, for the first time allowed Kathryn to see that she was vulnerable. Dalene, sparkling, together, unafraid, asking after a man who for once, did not bite the hook. It wasn't that Dalene had gone out looking for someone to hook - she just never allowed herself to get ensnared herself. Then Andreas Buccholtz happened, and the normally ebullient Dalene became quiet whenever mention was made of him. She tried to hide it behind her old veneer of wise-cracks and off-handedness.
Kathryn hadn't wanted to remind Dalene of his two daughters... But Dalene was Dalene. She knew about them, and how he loved his children. It wasn't something he readily walked around dishing out personal information to others - in that respect Captain Buccholtz pretty much conformed to the notion that Starfleet Captains rarely let their emotions be shown, or known - but, rather, in moments when the two of them had been in consultation in his ready room, she had seen his longing gaze at a picture of his twin girls. There were problems in his marriage, but that was all she knew. Dalene…
"He's not lived with his wife for a long time, Kath," Dalene replied.
"It still makes him a married man, Dalene."
"I know....sorry..."
"Don't be, Day. One day, who knows?"
"Yeah...who knows...?"
Dalene had been pensive in her company after that, and Kathryn felt a little sorry for her. Perhaps sometime soon, if the hapless Andreas Buccholtz didn't tell Dalene himself, she should encourage the man to tell her how he felt about her. On their last day, just before they docked at Earth's Orbital Station, he had asked her about Dalene in an off-hand manner that made her think that there was more than met the eye with her commanding officer. A kind, quiet man, probably a lot like Chakotay, Kathryn realised with hindsight, he had met Dalene on a few occasions when she had been on the arm of another man, inevitably. Dalene had never been short of male company, though she was certainly not the bed hopping type. Still, Kathryn realised suddenly, they were merely Dalene's safety nets, her protection against losing her heart to…Andreas Buccholtz. She should tell Dalene - but then, why should she? Dalene knew already - that keeping herself armed against falling in love and risking it all over again, was a fruitless task. Andreas Buccholtz though, was not immune to Dalene's charm. Kathryn sensed there was something deep burgeoning between them.
"He likes you though, Dalene," Kathryn told her friend, not giving more than she knew Andreas Buccholtz would have appreciated, considering how private he was.
"Yeah, right. That should make me sleep peaceful tonight," she replied a little acidly.
She wasn't going to tell Dalene that Andreas had asked about her. The man should do his own courting, Kathryn thought. It was something Andreas had to confront Dalene with himself. He had simply gone to fetch his little girls on Mars. More than that he would not tell her, but Kathryn had surmised that he had finally decided to make the split with Eleanor Buccholtz final and that she was willing to part with her girls...
Kathryn shook her head.
If I had a daughter, I would never want to give her up...never... A child who would look like Chakotay...born out of our love... To give her up… Never.
Kathryn pictured a little girl, daughter of Chakotay, who would look like her Daddy, with his dimples. A little girl with bright eyes, raven's hair and angel's wings, whom she would love with all her heart. A little voice seemed to ask: Okay, Janeway, so what if the gods conspired against you and gave you a little boy?
Why, I'd love him just as much…
She gave herself a mental shake. Her conversation with the admirals still weighed too heavily, and she needed to get them off her mind. She had been too preoccupied with her consultation with them today and coming to Paris immediately after her talk with Paris and Ponsonby when she had to be back in San Francisco the next day seemed an exercise in futility. But she could think here. She needed to be away from Headquarters while she thought about their suggestions. She needed to justify in her mind just why she had been foolish enough to listen in the first place, or better still, try and forget them. They could find another person. There were plenty of eligible officers.. If she could only have Chakotay by her side, she'd have no problem. They'd be too busy kissing and translating cyber sex into the real thing…
"Admiral Paris" she had said this morning in his office, "you realise of course that Commander Chakotay is within his right to turn down the commission you're offering."
She had been bristling a little. They knew very well of her close association with Chakotay and knew that she could probably persuade Chakotay to work with them. From Admiral Paris she had learned most of what she knew today as a command track officer and as a science officer on her earlier commissions. He had been her mentor during her Academy days. Admiral Ponsonby... The man was a wuss for not seeing that her mother was really in love with him. Why, he was fawning all over Gretchen Janeway whenever he was in her company. Ponsonby, smart, suave, eloquent and sometimes too pedantic, who was Starfleet's most eligible bachelor over the age of sixty, stammered in her mother's company. Kathryn knew that he was in love with Gretchen Janeway. If only her mother realised that herself and married the man. He would be good for her, and she liked the Admiral.
That was her mistake. She liked and admired the two men. She allowed them to sway her because of that. The two fogies knew that. Oh, how they knew that.
"I understand that, Kathryn," said Owen Paris, and Kathryn had wanted to bristle further. When he called her by her name while it was an official briefing, it was always his way of wheedling something from her. She wasn't falling for that. "But, Kathryn," Owen continued, "very soon, if not now, we will be calling our most able personnel in the Tactical field to form the vanguard of our counter-offensives - "
"What?"
"You heard, Kathryn. It's more serious than we thought, and though they can be held off for now, we'll have difficulty in the future."
She had given a sigh, Owen Paris smiled his benign smile when he knew he had just accomplished something, and Adam Ponsonby smirked. She wanted to consign the both of them to damnation and kick herself for relenting to their pressure.
"I'll see what I can do, Admiral Paris," she said formally, then she turned to Adam Ponsonby and smiled sweetly. "Have you been to visit Indiana lately, Admiral Ponsonby? It's very beautiful this time of the year..." She paused deliberately, gratified to see the handsome bachelor blush.
Just as she closed the door on her way out, she imagined she heard Admiral Paris exclaim:
"They've got our number!"
*
So now she was sitting, wondering why she was still in Paris and tomorrow she had to be in San Francisco. Chakotay would most certainly be happy to see her; this meeting was four months in coming, since she had first made the move to contact him. Her relief had been so great then when he hadn't turned down her advances. It was an instant recognition of a mutual need they had acknowledged to, and somehow, the intervening months had been good, giving both of them an opportunity to get to know one another well.
Communicating via subspace was perhaps not the ideal, but they were still able to make eye contact, learn of each other's foibles, even sense what fears they had.
If giving herself to him had been initially something she had been afraid of doing because she didn't want to lose him, it must have been hard on him too. He had told her about Caroline Meissen. Chakotay had been embarrassed, not about his love for her, but the manner in which she had betrayed that love, and trod on it. It wasn't easy, as she had seen the expression on his face , a mixture of guilt, embarrassment, bitterness - even a lost look that made her heart cry out for him. He had not wanted to make himself vulnerable again.
"But, Kathryn, what can I do when my heart, my body cries out for you? What can I do when I look at you and realise that my life is incomplete?" Chakotay had paused long before he spoke again.
"My life, it's not mine anymore, you know. It belongs to you..."
It had been a terrifying admission Chakotay had made, for he was giving her the key to his heart and his life; a weapon with which she could destroy him, if she chose. In essence, she had done the same. Her life belonged to Chakotay…
Caroline Meissen had chosen to destroy him. She, Kathryn Janeway, could never do that to him, even though he had given her that power. That was what it meant to him, and to her, that they were both prepared now, after so much trauma and extreme pain and heartache, to walk that road again, and be vulnerable.
Kathryn was pacing. She rose from her couch and stood by her mantelpiece where she had first put little Grey Eagle, and took the picture of Chakotay she had gotten when he finally relented she capture it from the Federation database. Caressing the cool glass, her eyes became soft as she looked at his face. His objection had been purely self-derisive, she thought.
"I'm the ugliest man on Earth, Kathryn. That's not a good picture. When I get to Earth, I'll have some new ones taken, okay? Maybe I'll look a little better - "
"What do you want me to say, Chakotay? You're dashing, tall, dark, strong and handsome?"
"I'd like that!"
She had laughed at his teasing manner and the way his face relaxed. He had been in pain that day just after Sergei had worked on his leg again and she had attempted to cheer him up, to make him forget his pain.
Kathryn pressed her lips to the picture and closed her eyes. Tomorrow she would at last be Chakotay's arms. At last. Her heart pumped wildly at the prospect. She felt like an adolescent planning a meeting in the most fantastic and dramatic way. On an impulse, wondering why she hadn't thought of it, she walked back to her bedroom and carefully placed the photograph down on her bedside. She sat down heavily and gave a sigh. Then she got up again and walked to her small office and after entering a few codes, she opened communication. After about a minute, a face stared at her.
"Kathryn, this had better be good."
"I have to meet Chakotay tomorrow at Headquarters."
"And you want to know what to do? Kathryn Janeway doesn't know what to do?"
"Yes! No! Oh, damn... Mom, help me out here..."
"Kathryn Janeway, I'm not helping you. Get lost!"
Gretchen Janeway burst out laughing. The sound of her laughter still rang in Kathryn's ears long after her mother had signed off.
***
Chakotay, Sergei Karkoff and Roger Petranoff made their way to the transporter room of the Ormskirk. They had finally docked at Earth's Orbital station and after completing numerous reports for their debriefing in two days' time and leaving only a skeleton staff on board, the prospect of putting their feet on solid ground was a pleasant one.
"So, Chakotay, I shall now officially lose the best first officer I ever had," Roger Petranoff complained. They quickly greeted crewmembers who made their way past them.
"Don't worry, Roger. We'll both be able to review the new recommendations of applicants. I'm certain there will be another good first officer for you."
"I'm thinking of putting down roots here, too," Sergei said as they entered the transporter room. The transporter chief gave them a wide grin. Lieutenant-Commander Ren Boranol had been waiting for them.
"Gentlemen, best wishes on your shore leave."
"Thank you, Ren."
"I want to be here when my daughter is born, Chakotay," Sergei said as the mounted the transporter pad and waited for Ren to enter the data.
"Well, we'll be off in two months, again, Sergei. Perhaps now is the time to make that application to Starfleet Medical - "
"You're wanting to get rid of me, Roger? I'm hurt - "
"Nonsense, you're the best man in the business dealing with this man - " and Roger pointed to Chakotay who carried his duffel over one arm, and the other, his walking stick. Chakotay snorted with disgust.
"You know I hate being dependent, Roger. It's time that - "
"Ready?" Ren Boranol's voice interrupted them. The men nodded and seconds later there was a soft glissando as they were engulfed in the blue shimmer of the transporter beam.
***
He had been wanting to see her since forever, it seemed. Was it only a few days ago that they last talked and made final arrangements for their meeting? Kathryn had been in high spirits and they were both in bantering mood. Before they signed off, they had touched their screens, tracing lines where their fingers followed. "I love you…" she breathed softly before the screen went blank.
When he materialised on the transporter platform at Headquarters, the large auditorium was filled with people. Sergei had just time to greet him quickly because already he spotted Svetlana and Anatoly. The boy rushed towards his father, with a heavily pregnant Svetlana looking indulgently on as Sergei scooped his son high in the air.
"Well, I'll be off then," Roger Petranoff said as he walked towards Dalene who was making her way to him. She had given Chakotay a hasty greeting, then seemed to change her mind.
"Chakotay! Good to see you. Kathryn's meeting you here. How romantic! How exciting!"
Chakotay smiled at the ebullient Dalene, who gasped, looked at her brother and gasped again. "Oh, boy, I'd like to witness this…"
"Not on your life, Dalene Petranoff," her brother said laughingly. "You've done your duty, got them together, they're together, now leave them alone."
"Alone? Are you crazy? This has got to be the Romance of the Year!"
"And you'll be the Wart of the Year if we don't get our transport. Let's go!"
"Roger! How boring can you get? Let's wait - !"
Roger Petranoff grabbed his sister's arm, and pulled her along with him.
"I'll see you tomorrow afternoon at the debriefing," Chakotay called after him, to which Roger just waved his acknowledgement without looking back.
Chakotay smiled. He looked around. There were many people waiting for their loved ones, but Chakotay knew Kathryn's face would stand out in the crowd. He should have seen her by now. He frowned, looking over the heads of the people. He didn't spot her. Perhaps she was running a little late, or had gone to powder her nose. But…she should have been here by now.
"Hey, Chakotay," Sergei said as he waved to his friend, "I'll see you sometime, will you? Before I leave on my next mission - "
"Bye, Uncle Chakotay," Anatoly waved at him. He was sitting on his father's shoulders. Chakotay smiled at his godson and waved, blowing a kiss to Svetlana who clutched possessively at her husband, but who did smile at him. Chakotay understood. Like with him and Kathryn, Svetlana hadn't seen her husband in six months and even Anatoly has grown much taller in the time his father had been away.
"Bye, squirt," Chakotay called back to the boy.
"Be sure to bring Kathryn with when you visit us," Sergei ordered as the trio left.
"Chakotay?" a voice said near him and when he looked, saw with surprise that it was Dalene Petranoff. She had returned after sacking her brother no doubt, and she looked more serious than she had minutes earlier. "You're much handsomer than I thought," she said. She grinned when a flush spread across Chakotay's face. He could feel the heat of it. "I just wanted to greet you properly before I left," she added. "My brother…he's a real pain in the rear, isn't he?" She grinned and Chakotay nodded, suddenly grateful that Dalene did return.
"You're Kathryn's friend. I - I wonder..."
"She's not here to meet with you?" Dalene asked, the grin replaced by a look of surprise.
"Well," he said, still looking over the heads of the people, "she was supposed to be here - "
"Chakotay, look, I have to go now, but I'm sure Kathryn will be here. She was probably held up. You know whenever she's at Headquarters, the Admirals appear to appropriate her as their property."
"She's told me that part of her work is done. It's the holiday part of her working holiday - "
"I...understand," Dalene replied, then she winked naughtily. "My brother's waiting. The man needs a wife - "
"Yes, you tell him that, Dalene."
"See you," she greeted him airily as she moved into the direction where Roger Petranoff was waiting impatiently for her.
Chakotay cursed again as his leg started aching. He had to see Dr Paris in a few days. He leaned heavily on his walking stick. Only a week ago he had had another session with Sergei who warned him to be careful with his leg. He walked towards the entrance of the wide forum, hoping he’d see Kathryn. He was getting a little nervous that she hadn’t arrived yet. She couldn’t be at her Paris apartment, surely? He thought they had been pretty clear on where they were going to stay, after which they could plan their future lazily. In the foyer he spotted an empty bench and headed for it, trying his best not to limp. The pain had been getting worse and he wondered idly if he shouldn’t see Dr Paris immediately. But, on the Ormskirk he had been pumped so full of painkillers he wanted to get away from it. It clouded his brain and dimmed his senses. He didn’t want that, not now, now that he was going to see Kathryn. His heart lurched wildly as he saw a golden haired woman in command red heading his way. He wanted to rise from his seat, but sagged back with acute disappointment as the woman came closer and he realised it wasn’t Kathryn.
So he waited.
The foyer and transporter areas had been empty. It was quiet with only here and there someone moving about silently. It was the silence that got to him, making him entertain all sorts of options where Kathryn could be. She wouldn’t…couldn’t leave him now… She couldn’t get cold feet. Not now, Kathryn, please…was his thought.
Half an hour later there was still no sign of Kathryn. Deciding to head to the main building of Headquarters, he grabbed his duffel again, hated the walking stick because he had to lean on it, and ambled slowly to Admiral Paris’s office. If anyone knew of Kathryn’s whereabouts, it had to be Admiral Paris. She had to meet him a few days ago. Perhaps Owen Paris had some idea. He didn’t want to alert too many people and thereby making his own need of Kathryn known to the entire Starfleet public. She couldn’t possibly be in Indiana, he thought, but…spirits! He wondered what happened to her.
Long minutes later he stood in front of Admiral Paris’s office and pressed the chime. When he heard Admiral Paris hail him to enter, the doors slid open. Owen Paris was seated at his desk and he looked up and frowned when he saw Chakotay. The frown soon changed to surprise, followed by a querying look in his bright blue eyes.
“Commander Chakotay. This is a surprise. What can I do for you?” Only then he noticed the walking stick and he frowned again.
“Relic of an accident five months ago, Admiral.”
“If you’re walking with that kind of assistance, it must have been a severe injury, Commander.”
“Please, Admiral, it’s Chakotay.” The old man smiled, and as Admiral Paris indicated he sit down. Chakotay sank gratefully into the chair. “There were too many bone fragments, Sir. Sergei Karkoff has kindly let me loose into the care of Dr Paris – “
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes, I’m to be her patient while I’m stationed here.” Chakotay leaned a little forward, eager to ask Admiral Paris, but the gentleman anticipated his intent.
“So, Commander Chakotay, what can I do for you?” Admiral Paris had also leaned forward, lacing his fingers together on his desk top. He smiled.
Chakotay cleared his throat, wondering how he could put it to Owen Paris. Then he decided to take the plunge.
“Kathryn was supposed to meet me here, Admiral. It’s now almost an hour – “
“She hasn’t turned up?” Admiral Paris appeared surprised.
“You don’t have any idea where she could be?”
“She was in here yesterday – “ Admiral Paris clamped shut instantly as he realised he gave Kathryn’s unscheduled visit away. “Maybe it’s that she’s late, Chakotay. You know how it is. Anything can happen…”
“I understand, Admiral. However, our arrangement was very clear.”
“She may be in Paris – “
“In Paris?” Chakotay sighed, feeling deflated that Kathryn seemed to have vanished, or decided to remain in Paris. .
“She headed that way yesterday, Chakotay. She may still be there…”
“She promised she’d meet me here, Admiral Paris.”
“Then, Commander, I’m afraid I don’t know where she is. Perhaps her parents’ apartment?”
Chakotay shook his head. Kathryn’s sister Phoebe was home on a short break and she was currently staying there. Unless Kathryn had decided to go there. He gave a deep sigh. Admiral Paris didn’t know. Kathryn had certainly not gone off-world, that’s for certain. They would have known where she would be then. But without a combadge, Kathryn’s private movements might well be dead.
Chakotay rose from his seat, slowly. He grit his teeth as a wave of pain hit him. He looked at Owen Paris and through a haze he saw the old man rise too, and hold out his hand. Chakotay shook it.
“Well, I guess I’ll have to scout around. I'll go to Paris…”
Chakotay greeted Owen Paris sombrely, then left. When he came outside, he leaned against the wall, his forehead beaded with drops of perspiration. He drew in a few long gasps of breath, feeling the whole place take on a surreal look. He imagined he saw Kathryn run towards him from the end of the corridor. Blinking hard, he willed away the images, the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach deepening.
He was worried. Worried sick that Kathryn must have changed her mind. Very slowly, he moved down the corridor and made his way outside the building. When he came outside, the mid-morning sun hit him. Shielding his face with his hand, he blinked again.
Where could she have gone to? he wondered. More importantly, why wasn’t she here to meet him? She had been excited to see him again after six long months. She loved him. She couldn’t have changed her mind about that, surely? Her feelings for him were the same was it was a month ago, two months ago. Did she have second thoughts about becoming his lover? His body burned for her, he longed for her with a thirst that raged in him. She was his destination. Too long he had flown without much direction and now that he met her, fell in love with her, he knew where he was heading.
He moved slowly in the direction of the transports, and deep in thought he got into a flitter and headed towards the residential districts of San Francisco. He’d have to go all the way to Paris to meet her there, he supposed. But first, he’d have to hail her on his vidcom and ask her about why she didn’t come to meet him at Headquarters. He had a right to ask that, didn't he?
He was certain that she had a logical excuse. She couldn’t even be sick, for heaven’s sake. And if she were, why didn’t she let him know? Then again, if she were sick, she’d not want him to be worried, as he knew she’d say the minute he opened her door this afternoon when he asked her. It was all he wanted to do. He wasn’t into trailing her every move; he wasn't following her around or checking on her, but she did promise.
"Oh, Kathryn," he murmured softly as he got out of his transport and limped the rest of the way home. "Why didn't you come?"
**
There was not a dark cloud in the sky that was heavier than the feeling in his heart as he stood at the door of his apartment. Kathryn was gone, probably in Paris. He had a need to cry like a child, express his disappointment the way a child would. He had so many expectations, so many visions of how Kathryn would walk towards him, with that curvy half smile on her face. Her hair would fan away from her face as she moved, seductively swaying her hips and he knew that he'd not care how many inquisitive people were watching, but he'd scoop her high in his arms right there and kiss her until she could breathe no more. He imagined feeling her body melting into his as he held her close. He imagined whispering on stammering breaths how much he had missed her and how much he loved her.
He pictured her as he put her down again, looking at him with her heart in her eyes, her lips red and parted, her hair a little mussed the way he had run his fingers through it.
He wanted that for his first meeting with her. He groaned. That moment was gone forever, and it was something he would hurt himself thinking about. There would be no grand meetings for them. Maybe never. He groaned again as his heart constricted. Then he gave a deep sigh and opened his door. The door slid open and he stepped into his home for the first time in more than six months. He was home and he was unhappy. The small passage that led to his lounge closed in on him as he stood for a moment to collect himself. He threw down his duffel and took a deep breath.
He was home and he didn't want to be. There was nothing here. Nothing. Nothing.
He need to sit down, to think. No, thinking just made him mad with need for her. A drink was what he needed. He needed Oblivion. Something strong, something that...
Chakotay blinked as he stepped into his lounge.
He would remember later not clear images of her, but hazy impressions of golden hair and blue...blue...
He stared. It was nothing like he ever imagined. It was...better. It was so...Kathryn...
Then she spoke, her voice low, mellow, welcome, beautiful.
"I thought I'd meet you here, darling Chakotay..."
"Kathryn? Oh, God, Kathryn..."
"My love..."
****
END CHAPTER SEVEN
Chapter 8 [NC-17]