| .Yurameki
. by Decadency Part 3: DRAIN AWAY
I
reminisce under the late afternoon sky Cold. The sudden chill of the air raised awareness of the guitarist’s surroundings, painting a clearer image than ever before. A sudden gust swept by the still figure, the tops of his cloak flapping against his neck and chin. But, still, he gave no sign of acknowledgement. Murmurs erupted from behind him, whispers of the faint and nothing, small tremors in the air that were worthless to his ears. Glances from his band mates did nothing to help him. They were worried, that much was sure, but worried about what? His sanity? Afraid that he would break down and cry again? Afraid that he would leave before it had even begun? Fools. A bitter chuckle came into the open, sleek shades lifted to reveal piercing hazel eyes. Luminescent violet strands of hair swung with the wind as they casually blew across his gaunt face. Ah, but the temperature wasn’t the only that was cold, there was a cold body lying to his left, encased in black wrappings and tenderly placed in a silver embossed coffin. The priest bit his lip anxiously and glanced towards his patron, unsure if he should continue his senseless droning or not. A curt nod was all he needed before continuing to speak. But before they had even been said, the words were already worthless. Pointed glances shot at his covered body. They were quickly dismissed with a flick of the black-thin gloved hand. The funeral had just begun, but already, the life of Dir en grey was dying. Not as if they could deny the inevitable. No one could stand against the tide of fate for long, but he thought that maybe...maybe… he could have been the one to defy nature. Apparently, he thought wrong. Stoned faces were staring at him, distrust and loathing evident in their features. The red-haired man wanted to just scream, ‘LEAVE US ALONE!!!!’ to the reporters. They were scattered here and there, cameras flashing as if it were a new appearance of Dir en grey. Where was the decency? Where was the silence that was supposed to be reserved for the dead? Where had it all gone?! One snobby woman was giggling to herself, as if it were a joke. Die could stand it no longer, he rose from his sitting spot next to the beautiful sakura tree and stalked towards the insubordinate lady. Clear anger distorted his features. “Go away.” He hissed, the brunette’s eyes widened and she stepped back fearfully. “Go far away and never look back.” His hardened eyes pierced the reporter and she ran for her life, the sound of clacking heels fading into the distance as blissful silence engulfed the room. But soon, the quiet was shattered as he heard a shriek coming from one who never spoke so loudly. His gaze turned to rest on the distraught drummer. Concern evident in his carefully concealed eyes. Concern. And love. Heavy pants wracked the fragile and pale body of his. His hand swept around the clearing, eye trembling with tears. He had been speaking calmly but the reporters and the chattering people annoyed him. They knew nothing about how much Toshiya meant to them. They knew nothing of the abuse. They were nothing in his eyes. And so, when it had bore down on him so heavily, he snapped under the pressure and screamed. His shrill voice tangled with the birds in the clear and blue sky. “Get out! All of you! Don’t come back! Get out! Out! Out! Out!” He sobbed and pointed at all the stunned faces of the crowd. Shinya could feel his lover’s gaze on him, shocked and stunned, but he continued to sway unsteady on his feet until he fell to his knees. His words became unintelligible and resembled those of a half remembered tune. He hated all of them. All of the insipid fools that crowded the resting place of his friend. All of the ones whom dared to laugh at Toshiya’s corpse. ‘I hope they all die…die…DIE!’
One cold evening I saw her as she
stood The short figure sat on the tips of the tree, legs swinging in the air placidly. He leapt gracefully to the ground and dusted imaginary dirt off of his black and casual suit. His lip piercing glinted in the harsh light of the sun as he frowned. “You have two seconds to scram. One…Two…” The uninvited guests needed no further encouragement and they fled hastily. One or two damned camera flashes lit the surroundings but then they stopped. Kyo’s anger simmered dangerously to the edge as he watched the standing figure of his leader. Since the incident, the guitarist had not spoken a word. It was frustrating; to carry a one-sided conversation with the stoic man that Toshiya had chosen. He sometimes felt like giving up and killing himself, choosing the easy way out like the bassist. He felt so utterly hopeless in the breaking apart of the band. He wanted to scream and shatter the god-forsaken cage that was placed around him. Wanted, needed, but couldn’t. Wanted, needed, but didn’t. Wanted, needed, but wouldn’t. He still had miles of his life to cover before he could die. Right? Right? The gloomy atmosphere held no answers for him and once again, anguish gripped the singer’s head. A fierce hold on him that wouldn’t sever. A tight chain that bound him to death. And it was killing him. Kaoru’s thin, spider-like hands traced the silver dragons that intertwined on the edge of the coffin. The cover was placed over the opening of the coffin, and none of Toshiya’s slender frame could be seen underneath the black material. It was too disturbing to the public, his band mates had said, to see a headless corpse was adding salt to a wound the remarked apprehensively, waiting for his reaction. He had said nothing, just turned his head to the side and nodded slowly. After all, what could he say? He had found words to be useless in the recent days and the after wake of his lover’s death. He had found the photo shoots senseless without the blue haired beauty by his side, holding him affectionately like they used to in front of the camera. He had found getting a new bass player stupid, Dir en grey would not be Dir en grey with a new bassist, and so it was a silent agreement, they would not need a bassist. The spot with Toshiya would never be taken away. Over his cold dead body, would they get a new player to fill in the spot of Toshiya. Over his cold, dead body. He smirked. With a wave of the hand, the priest was dismissed with the promise of a payment ahead. They were greedy people, selfish human beings born with the intent of chasing money and getting it, by any means possible. But first, he had another problem to take care of. Rushing over to the drummer in a blur of motion, Die enclosed the small and skeletal hand into his own warm and callused one. They did not need words, they had never needed words. One look into the others eyes and they could tell everything. It was a form of communication that never existed between Kaoru and Toshiya. It was pure and unadulterated love. It was just simply, Die and Shinya. Two lovers in the midst of a breakdown, each leaning on the other for support. Each needing the other for support. Love…
Kyo’s gaze flickered from the embracing pair over to the lone figure that could embrace nothing but a dead corpse. He hated being the observer, the only one who was silent and needed no one. He hated his role and wanted to be the one who was mourning over the loss of a lover. Eyes widened as he took sight of his leader crumpled on the floor, as if the loss was too great and came bearing down on Kaoru’s back all of a sudden. But he did not volunteer his help, he stayed rooted to the spot and could do nothing but watch apathetically. The blossoms fell upon them in an endless spiral of petals, decorating them with pink flowers. Ah, to be the one watching was surely interesting. He was the child that sat on the floor, fingers gliding over the smooth and bold words that denoted a scene in a picture book. But like the reader, he felt no more power and control over the situation than any of the others. Useless. It was pointless to continue being what they were. There would now and forever always be a space that could not be filled, no matter how hard they tried. A hollow space in each of their hearts where Toshiya had taken root. It was a disease, his smile, but none of them minded. It was an ailment that they were willing to go through every day just to see that bright upward curve of the lips. It was an addiction. The drummer
stood shakily and leaned against Die for comfort, his slim hand
still enfolded and intertwined with the other. He felt so drained,
the color leaving his face so that it was now a shade of chalk
white. His red and glimmering lips were now faded pink and
listless, bite marks going through from where he had bitten them
during the past week. A sigh and he turned to look at how the
others were faring, though he already knew what the answer was. He
found himself staring at the singer and was slightly chilled to see
the expression of indifference on his slightly colored face. But
Kyo seemed to be observing something, or rather someone, hesitantly;
the drummer turned his gaze to rest upon the grave. The coffin had
somehow been put into the hollowed place reserved for it during
their brief period of reflection. He did a double take and saw
Kaoru lying motionless on the ground. Without a second thought, his
hand slipped from Die’s grasp and Shinya ran towards his beloved
leader. Running…running…running…fading…. The show booth Kaoru faintly recalled the image of Toshiya’s face in his mind before he caved in. The last days had been filled with despair and fake strength, and now, it was taking its toll on his body. His legs caved in from beneath him and his body soon followed. From his awkward position on the ground, his head was thrown back and he could see the sakura petals wafting down in a heavenly shower. He could see the cloudless and striking blue sky, he could taste the crisp air that flowed into his body. And then, everything faded dimly to black. He didn’t even get the chance to see Shinya’s worried expression. He didn’t even get the chance to say his farewell. Late…again.
In the same white washed wall of the
hospital, three members of Dir en grey waited for their leader to
come back. None of them could stand it if they lost another dear
one. Their restraints were cracking, giving way, and the anvil had
already been set into motion, the fall of the hammer would symbolize
the beginning of their slow deaths. Three pairs of eyes were trained
onto the various machines that beeped quietly in the night. Three
bodies remained still in the small and claustrophobic room. What
began with silence, always ended in silence. Shinya was the first
to notice the subtle twitch of Kaoru’s hand against the sheet. Dark
and hollowed eyes watched hopefully for another sign of life, they
were not disappointed. An hour later, their leader’s eyes opened
and stared blankly at the empty chair. Before any of them could
comprehend what happened, the leader’s eyes alit with life and light
as he whispered to an invisible being. “Toshiya?” There was a
clatter as someone hit the floor, but no one bothered to look to see
who it was. All they could do was watch apprehensively at the
unoccupied spot. No one was there….
~End Part Three~
Author’s notes: I like this chapter better than the last…. Dedicated to Twisted-Illusions for giving me the lyrics! XD VM: please send your comments to the author(email at the top of page^^)
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