Wazu

The Temple of Wazu

Dorak the Daring stood proudly erect upon the craggy precipice overlooking the sea below. His powerfully built form strained against the restraint of the simple leather tunic he wore as he flexed his sinewy arms while he shielded his hard gray eyes from the harsh glaring midday sun. His wild mane of blonde hair danced in the ocean breeze while he continued to scan for any potential vessels ripe for the picking, ready to fall prey to the strong sure hands of the barbarian of the north.
The heavy weight of the huge two-handed axe he called leg chopper strapped across his massive back gave him a feeling of comfort and confidence in his own abilities as a warrior born. Being a barbarian from the frozen north, he was familiar with the art of pillaging and plundering, unlike these weak civilized beings that had grown soft in their cities.
He was fast growing impatient, perched upon the cliff like some magnificent bronze statue, when at last his efforts were rewarded. He spotted a small ship traversing the seas not far off shore. The way it was riding low in the water Dorak was certain it must weighed down with rich treasure.
“Frog,”he shouted in his deep commanding voice.
A small thin man scrambled up the cliff. The little man was barely more then five feet tall. He was swimming in the rough cloth tunic covering his skinny body. The metal cap that adorned his unkempt hair threatened to drop over his eyes at any time. The small sword strapped around his emaciated waist dangled precariously between his legs. while the belt continued to constantly shift about.
“Yeah, what do you want now?” The small man said in a gravely voice.
“Ready the men,” Dorak ordered, taking a heroic stance, “There is booty to be had.”
“The men all quit weeks ago,” Frog reminded him, “They all went to work for another group of raiders. They hadn’t been paid for weeks besides the raiders had those neat red sashes they all seemed to like.”
“Bah,” Dorak remarked disdainfully.” What need a barbarian for such frills such as those.” The tall warrior of the north stared back at the prey fast slipping from his grasp. He realized he had not had a successful raid since he had embarked on this career of piracy.
“Ready the ship, “Dorak announced decisively. “We shall sail it ourselves and capture the prize.”
We lost the ship, “Frog sighed. Why had he bowed to family pressure and pursued a career as a sidekick. He should have followed his dream and become a RPA, Realm Public Accountant.
“If you remember muscle bound one, “Frog took a deep breath. “We crashed the ship against the rocks the last time you insisted we try and sail it ourselves.”
Dorak winced remembering the incident, how was he suppose to know there were rocks under the water. He was a barbarian warrior, not a sailor.
“Do we have any vessel left we might be able to attack the ship with? “Dorak asked.
“All we have is one slightly leaky row boat.”
“Then ready the row boat, “Dorak replied somewhat flustered. He wondered if other great warriors started this way. “I Dorak the Daring,” he placed his hands upon his slim trim waist, “shall lay waste to that weak civilized prize no matter what the obstacles.”
“Sure, sure, “Frog stumbled down the cliff, “I’ll go drag the boat to the water.
“Dorak the Daring, “Frog mumbled under his breath, “Dorak the dullard is more like it. “Even my odd sister Gerta, who liked to dress in flannel tunics and spend time at the woman’s public bath houses, got to be the side kick of Xernia, the Avenging princess. Who do I get for my hero? Dorak the Dork.”
“I swear, “Frog grumbled straining his puny muscles dragging the tiny aged craft to the waters edge, “I am just having one of those lives.”
“Is everything in readiness? “Dorak shouted striding boldly towards the heavily breathing little man.”
“Yes oh mighty one, “Frog rolled his eyes. He prayed to the gods who seemed to ignore him that the depilated little boat would not sink at least.
The lovely Princess Esmerelda stared out of the small portal in her stateroom. Her exquisite chin rested in the palm of her smooth delicate hands while she listened to Arterius, the royal RPA continue to recite the dismal financial state of her beleaguered kingdom.
“So what you’re telling me, “she said not bothering to glance back at the aged balding man, “is where near broke.
“Sadly so, “the aged accountant answered flipping the beads on the abacus, “I fear tax collection as fallen short and your father the king, did not attend to his duties before he err- abdicated the throne.”
Princess Esmerelda’s ire grew worse when she remembered what had occurred recently. Her father had just turned forty plantings. He spent a good portion of the treasury on plastic wizardry and magical hair growth, not to mention the red sports carriage he just had to purchase. To make matters worse he up and ran off, taking a good portion of the treasury with some blonde Countess half his age. She wasn’t even noble born, just some belly dancer whose last noble husband had recently died.
Her mother the queen wasn’t much help either. She spent most of her time with her bleary eyes glued to the magivision, watching the vast array seer show hosts, exploring people’s deepest secrets. No. If she were going to discover a way out of this Esmerelda would have to find it herself.
“Do we have anything left we can mortgage?” the princess asked, turning her head slightly towards the accountant.
“I fear most of our kingdom’s assets are already heavily mortgaged,” he answered shaking his head sadly. “Unless we raise capitol soon, the money changers will foreclose.”
“We could go to war, “Esmerelda remarked brightly, that’s always good for some quick gold.”
“Nay your highness,” he answered. “Our army his extremely small and underpaid and I need not remind you what occurred the last time they took to the field.”
The Princess nodded in agreement. She remembered the embarrassing showing in the last war, earning their small army a spot on the top ten worst forces to ever take the field in ‘Walord’s Weekly’.
“Perhaps we could arrange a marriage by convenience with a prince,” Arterius offered.
“No,” she answered, pacing back and forth,” the ratio of princes to princesses is now two to one. None of the princes are in a hurry to get married.”
“Then I suppose the only other option is for you to go to work,” Arterius glanced fearfully down at the deck.
The dreaded four-letter word caused the princess to stop dead in her tracks, her flesh turning a ghostly white. “No,”she uttered, anything but that.”
“I fail to see how you have much choice your highness,” the accountant stated practically.
“What about the old tried and true get a hero to raid some stinky dungeon or such,” she said with a note of desperation. “That’s always good for some gold.”
“Most of those have been raided already,” Arterius said with a helpless shrug. “The only one left is the Temple of Wazu and that’s because the guardian is reputed so terrible that even the bravest warrior is not foolish enough to face the fiend.”
“What about Eleian Dragonslayer, he was very brave and foolhardy.”
“He ran into a real dragon.”
Oh…I take it didn’t go well.”
“Err they cleaned up his remains with a broom and a dustpan.” Arterius replied.
The sad news left the princess at a loss; she couldn’t think of anyone else naļve enough she could cajole into such a hazardous quest. The young princess was at the depths of her despair, when she heard a knock at her cabin door.
“Yes,” she snapped, annoyed at the interruption.
“Excuse me your highness,” a sailor replied.” We are…well…I guess we are under attack…sort of,” said the somewhat confused sounding sailor.
“What do you mean ‘sort of’?” Esmerelda shot back.” Never mind I’ll go up and see for myself.” She wished she could at least afford decent help for her private barge.
Upon reaching the rail, Esmerelda could only stare in amazement at the sight before her. A small leaky boat had pulled up next to her ship. A magnificent bronze northern barbarian warrior was standing up in the barely stable craft that threatened to capsize at any moment. A small scrawny man who kept pushing a large metal helm off his eyes manned the oars.
“He’s ordering us to surrender,” the captain informed her.
“I gave you a chance,” the tall warrior shouted, hefting the heavy axe causing the ship to rock even more.” Surrender or face the might of a warrior born.”
“Careful muscle headed one.” the small man placed both hands on either side of the gunnels to steady the leaky boat.
“We’ll give these weak civilized fools one last chance, Dorak announced, “Frog fire a warning shot across the their bow.”
“Do I have to? “Frog whined.
The hard glare was the only reply Dorak gave his companion.
With a sigh of resignation, Frog armed himself with the smallest bow any one on the barge had ever seen. Straining, the skinny man managed to pull the string back halfway releasing it. The wobbly arrow flew through the air like a wounded bird almost reaching the bow of the ship. Seemingly oblivious to the dismal display, Dorak continued to brandish his mighty weapon threateningly at the ship.
“We could drop a ballast stone down on them and sink the boat,” the captain suggested.
“No.” Esmerelda said with a mischievous grin. “Tell them we surrender.”
“Excuse me your highness?!!”
“You heard me Captain,” Esmerelda answered.” Surrender, allow them to board us, and oh yes, set a course for the Temple of Wazu.”
The young princess hurried off to get ready for her guest. She might have actually found someone more stupid then the late Eleian.
The captain shared a dumbfounded look with his crew before turning back to face the barbarian staring up at them. “We surrender,” the captain shouted down.” We are lowering a rope ladder so you may board.”
“A wise move,” Dorak growled, lowering his weapon somewhat disappointed, he had hoped they might at least put up a small fight.
“They give up?” Frog said, more than little surprised. “Just like that?”
“They are weak civilized men,” Dorak replied ascending the ladder recently lowered over the side of the ship.” They don’t have the stomach to face a true warrior in combat.”
“Yeah right,” Frog retorted following behind but certain there was more to this than met the eye,” whatever.”
Dorak and Frog had just clambered up the rope when the young Princess Esmerelda returned, now attired in a new fine sheer silken gown with a plunging V-neckline that enhanced her bosom nicely.
“We are at your mercy noble warrior,” the princess said in a deep breathy voice, lowering her eyes submissively.
The sight of the lovely young princess caused Dorak to stare open mouthed at the vision before him.”
You are Dora-… no I mean I am Dorak the Daring,” regaining some of his composure,” and I claim this vessel as my prize.”
“Very smooth,” Frog whispered to the dumb struck warrior. “But I might suggest you roll up your tongue and close your mouth.”
“The ship is yours.” She paused, fluttering her eyes, “…as is everything on board, though this is a tragic end to our desperate mission.”
“And what mission is that?” Dorak inquired.
“One sadly I must undertake myself,” she cried, “finding no hero brave enough to face the challenge though the safety of my very kingdom hangs in the balance.”
“No, don’t say it,” Frog rolled his eyes, though he knew what the next words out of his dull witted charge would be .
“There is none braver than Dorak the Daring!” The warrior announced striking a heroic pose.
“He said it,” Frog muttered to himself, shaking his head.
“Such bravery!” Esmerelda cooed, “Perhaps you may be able to help me. If you, sir, would allow your prisoner to speak to you…” she wet her lips, “in private.”
Dorak could only nod in agreement finding himself at a complete loss of verbal capacity. Esmerelda smiled demurely turning slowly towards her cabin swinging her hips back and forth. The mighty northern barbarian staggered forward following the young girl like a horse following an apple.
Frog plopped down on the deck outside the door of the cabin to await the return of Dorak. The wizened accountant who was ushered out of the cabin so that the princess and the mighty warrior might confer in private presently joined him. At least he had someone he could talk with about the fine art of accounting and bookkeeping.
“I am Princess Esmerelda,” she stretched her young lithe body on the sofa. “And I fear my kingdom is in grave danger.”
“From what?” Dorak asked, gulping hard. “An evil warlord…a hideous dragon?”
“None of those I fear, ”The princess said, appearing to weep. She placed a small onion she had taken from the galley next to her cheek.” An evil wizard has placed my father the king under a dread curse, he has fallen deathly ill. The only known cure is… the pearl of health found only in the Temple of Wazu.”
The young princess pulled the mighty warrior down close to her, draping her arms around his bull-like neck, snuggling her lovely head against his broad shoulders. “Sadly I can find no hero with enough courage to obtain the pearl. So I fear my small but rich kingdom is at the mercy of the wizard.” She nuzzled against him pressing her firm breasts against his body. “As am I.”
Dorak considered the situation before him. The woman was his prisoner and at his mercy, yet surely her rich kingdom would reward him for saving their king. Anyway, to take on a mission the greatest warriors had already refused would certainly prove his worth. If nothing else, it would shut that damn Xernia and Heracles up.
“I will help you get that Pearl and save your father, though I expect a large reward.”
“Of course!” Esmerelda exclaimed gleefully, “My kingdom will pay well for your valiant efforts.
“And I intend,” Dorak pulled the lovely young woman against his broad chest, “to start collecting now.”
“I am your willing slave sire,” Esmerelda said demurely, “though I imagine you are one who likes to experience life to the fullest.”
“Of course, I am a northern warrior born, and we never accept anything to any lesser degree.”
“Sadly I fear that while my body may be here,” she sighed, “my heart and mind will not as long as my dear beloved father is in peril…and I know you must have all or none at all.”
“B-But,” Dorak stammered.
The princess rose from the sofa escorting him out of the cabin. “Though my loins ache for our coupling. I will bow to your wishes, noble savage, and wait until I can be all yours with every fiber of my being.”
“B-B-But,” Dorak repeated.
“Say no more my sweet,” Esmerelda said opening the door kissing him on the cheek, “I will comply with your wishes though it causes me great personal pain.”
“So how did it go?” Frog asked seeing the mighty barbarian stumbling out of the cabin with a dazed look.
“Well, I think,” Dorak answered, sounding more confused than usual.
After composing himself, Dorak related the events as best he could to Frog who listened more carefully than usual to the barbarian warrior.
“What were you thinking…wait a minute scratch that. I hope you know that the Temple of Wazu is reputed to be guarded by one of the fiercest beasts ever to exist.”
“That means nothing to a warrior of the north,” Dorak declared, arms crossed over his barrel chest.” I’ll slay the beast with my bare hands.”
“Right…whatever you say.” Frog rolled his eyes, “And anyway, I have never heard of the Pearl of Health.”
You are not a sage,” Dorak countered. “It must be one of those obscure magical artifacts. Besides,” he added, “The princess informed me it is the only way to save her father.”
“Yeah, and she definitely seems like the trustworthy sort,” Frog retorted.
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind,” Frog answered resigning himself to his fate.
The journey continued without further incident. The sailors steered clear of the tall warrior and his scrawny companion. Dorak assumed they were in awe of the mighty warrior of the north though Frog seemed to detect a few snickers here and there to which Dorak appeared oblivious.
“There seems to be person on a small Island dead ahead,” The lookout shouted one morning when the Dorak and Frog had just arisen.
“Steer for the Island,” the captain ordered. “They may be a survivor from a shipwreck.”
With a crisp acknowledgement, the helmsman followed the captain’s orders.
“What seems to be the problem captain? ”Esmerelda inquired coming out of her cabin.”
Briefly, the captain informed the princess and Dorak of the sighting.
“We must by marine, law offer aid to any shipwreck survivors.” The captain informed her.
Esmerelda nodded. The law was well-known and always obeyed.
Frog joined the three at the bow of the ship while the Island and its occupant came closer into view. The Island was extremely small, it would almost be mistaken for a sand bar except for the single coconut tree, the Island’s only sign of vegetation.
The person on the Island was a gnome with a very short thin body. His baldhead was ringed with fluffy white hair, while his sharp pointed nose protruded out resembling the beak on a stork. His eyebrows were nearly as massive as the hair on his head. Upon seeing the approaching barge, the small man began jumping up and down. The bright fabric of his robe glistened so much in the harsh light it nearly blinded them.
“Over here!” he shouted, waving his arms excitedly.
“Magic,” Dorak growled. “If there is one thing we northern warriors detest, its sneaky wizards.”
“True my sweet,” Esmerelda said softly, “but we can’t just leave him to die can we? It would not be honorable.”
Dorak grunted in agreement, he couldn’t leave someone to die from starvation. They could bring him aboard, nurse him back to health and then he would slay the evil wizard.
“Boy I am glad you all came along,” the gnome said while the sailors helped him onto the boat.
“Were you in a shipwreck?” Frog asked.
“Nothing quite so nice,” the gnome replied snapping his fingers. A large cigar to suddenly appeared between his fingers. “I am C. E. Musgrove, formerly chief wizard programmer for CEN, Casters Evoking Network.”
“I remember you,” Esmerelda said. “Weren’t you the one responsible for Rielen’s Island?”
“The very same sweet cheeks,” Musgrove took a puff from his cigar. “One of my first works it was…the story of seven dwarves and one virgin stranded on a desert Island. The critics hated it but the ratings went through the roof.”
“So what happened?” Frog asked,” Why were you on that Island?”
“My last season didn’t go well,” the gnome wizard confessed. “I thought people would eat up intense drama—you know heart wrenching sappy stuff like my one show ‘Born Short’; the story of a dwarven family, trying to make it in a human city. But did people want that?” he asked dramatically, chomping hard on his cigar. “Noo… Action was the next big thing, lots of swordplay and big chested women running around in chain mail bikinis.”
“So one bad season and they marooned you on a small Island? Esmerelda queried.”
“That’s the MV biz honey, Musgrove shrugged. “One minute you’re on top of the world, the next you’re griffon chow. Anyway CEN decided to retire me…and believe me babe, when they retire you, they really retire you.”
“Then perhaps since you have no obligations,” Esmerelda smiled sweetly, “you might aid us.”
“Look kid I’d really love to help you,” Musgrove flashed an insincere smile, “but I got to be going, I’ve got deals to make and people to see. I wasn’t the top whiz wizard for nothing you know. I’ll be back on top again soon.”
“So you are just going to leave without even a thank you,” Frog accused.
“Hey it’s a rough world babe,” Musgrove replied. “You got to be tough in my business, like when I had to make the decision to cancel Major Marsupial. You haven’t seen nothing, till you get a bunch of hate mail from four year olds.”
“You canceled Major Marsupial?!!” Dorak exclaimed after remaining silent during the conversation.
“Had to babe,” Musgrove shrugged. “Wasn’t pulling the right numbers you know.”
“You took Earl Greenthumb and Mr. Griffon off the crystal?” Dorak growled his eyes filling with fire. He fingered the shaft of Leg Chopper.”
“That was the big guy’s favorite show,” Frog whispered to the confused gnome.
“You’re kidding,” Musgrove remarked, glancing back at the anger growing in the big barbarian’s eyes. He could tell he was not.
“I might convince him to leave all your parts together,” Esmerelda said softly with a wink,” if you decide to help us.”
“I am not that kind of wizard,” Musgrove protested, “but I’ll tell you what you look like nice folks I’ll have my people talk with your people and we’ll work something out.”
“You’re people abandoned you on the Island,” Frog countered.
“Now do we have a deal or not?” Esmerelda demanded
“What can I say,” Musgrove eyed the huge bronze skinned warrior glaring at him,” guess I am just a soft touch. So what’s the gig?” he sighed conceding to Esmerelda’s wishes
Smiling smugly, Esmerelda immediately set about convincing Dorak the wisdom of leaving the wizard alive.
“It’s not like he is a real wizard,” the princess informed him, “and I know you can see the wisdom of having anyone familiar with magic on such a quest.”
“So he can use the Pearl of Health?” Dorak replied.
“Ah,yes…” Esmerelda shifted her eyes, “exactly. We need him to undo the curse on my father.”
“And then?” Dorak asked.
“Then my dear muscled love, I shall be yours in body and soul.” She imagined the warrior most likely would not survive the encounter anyway.
“You live,” Dorak informed Musgrove, “because we have need of your magic’s, though later I shall make you pay for your foul deed.”
“Sure kid,” Musgrove said with a dismissive wave of his cigar. “So what’s up?”
Esmerelda began relating to the gnome where they were headed. Though Musgrove had to confess though he had never heard of the Pearl of Health. He most surely had heard of the Temple of Wazu and its terrible guardian.

In few more days, the barge reached the Island said to be the location of the Temple of Wazu. A sheer cliff rose out of the sea surrounding the Island.
“How are we ever supposed to get by that?” Frog asked staring at the steep cliff before them.
“According to stories,” Esmerelda replied, “there is a tunnel which leads to the center of the Island and the fabled Temple of Wazu
“I’ve heard that,” Musgrove agreed, “it’s supposedly called ‘The Screeching Tunnel’ or something ominous like that.
“Why do they call it that? ”Dorak asked.
“Not sure babe,” Musgrove replied lighting a new cigar with a flame on the tip of his finger. “Nobody who ever came out lived long enough to say.”
“Wonderful,” Frog moaned.
Ignoring the conversation, Esmerelda ordered the captain to sail around the Island till they found a cavern. The captain grudgingly obeyed.
“Do you really think these err…people can defeat the guardian of Wazu?” Arterius asked Esmerelda.
“Probably not,” Esmerelda conceded, “but they can occupy the guardian long enough for someone to sneak by and grab some of the treasure.”
“Excuse me your highness,” the accountant said. “Do you mean you are going with them.”
“We are,” the princess corrected him. “At any rate, it is better then the…alternative.”
“You mean working,” Arterius replied.
“Use that word one more time in reference to me,” Esmerelda warned, “and I’ll have you thrown overboard. Besides I am a princess I don’t have any marketable skills.” Arterius could only nod in agreement.
Pointing, Esmerelda shouted. “Captain, sail for that tunnel!”
“I guess we’ll find out why it’s called the screeching tunnel,” Frog stated staring helplessly at the looming darkness before them. He could think of a dozen places where he would rather be right now.”
As the barge entered the dark wide tunnel, they heard a faint screeching sound in the inky blackness. The screeching began to increase the deeper they went in followed by the sound of the flapping of leather wings.
Frog felt something graze his cheek as it flew by.” What was that?!” Frog shouted.
Before anyone could reply to his question, the air was filled with small screeching creatures which began attacking the boat and its crew.
Dorak readied his mighty axe and swung it into a pack of the creatures. The mighty weapon shredded a number of the creatures splattering the barbarian with a black ichor.
Frog managed to get his sword out of its scabbard. The scrawny man swung his tiny blade widely, causing him to spin around several times before stumbling to the deck.
“You’re a wizard!” Frog shouted. “Can’t you blast them or something?”
“Like I told you,” Musgrove screamed over the screeching horrors, “I am not that kind of wizard. I don’t cast bolts of fire and stuff like that. I am more of an idea guy ya know.”
“Well do something,” Esmerelda demanded as she ran for her cabin while trying to protect her hair.
“Tell you what kid,” Musgrove answered. “I’ll get a confab together below, toss some ideas around, and see what we got here.”
“Don’t you have any spells?” Frog asked struggling to his feet.
“Not many,” Musgrove confessed. “Mainly I do pyro, you know…lights and special effects—stuff like that.
“Then do that,” Esmerelda ordered. “At least then we will be able to see what we’re fighting.
“Okay sweet cheeks,” Musgrove answered, “you got it.”
The gnome wizard waved his cigar creating a great light to explode into being along with several bright shooting color streams (just for good measure).
The wizard’s light revealed that entire tunnel was filled with tiny creatures with small claw-like hands and black leathery wings. The area was thick with the things which were screeching madly and swooping down upon the vessel.
“I think I liked the dark better,” Frog said.
Esmerelda nodded in agreement, struck dumb by the numbers of creatures.
“We are doomed,” Dorak said.
“I would say that’s a good guess,” Frog agreed. “Not the best way to go.”
“It is the best way,” Dorak disagreed. “We will die in battle against a foe, the way any warrior would prefer to perish.”
“Forgive me if I do not share your enthusiasm,” Frog snapped.
“Time to fight my last battle and to sing my death song to Chrome.” Dorak shouted, raising his mighty axe high.
The northern barbarian soon began to keen horribly off key in a loud voice, waving Leg Chopper over his head. At the sound of the barbarian’s wail, the creatures covered their large ears and screeched louder.
As the wailing from the barbarian continued, the harpy-like things began flying frantically away from the boat and the horrible sound, crashing into the each other and bashing into the walls in their desperate attempt to escape.
“They don’t like the singing,” Esmerelda grinned as she covered her shell-like ears while Dorak’s death song increased in intensity.
“Can you blame them?” Musgrove winced and snapped his fingers. A pair of earmuffs to appeared on his head.
Soon the tunnel was devoid of the screeching monsters as those few fortunate ones managed to escape out of the tunnel away from the hideous din.
“Okay Dorak!” Frog shouted, “You can stop now!”
“I sang to Chrome,” Dorak said sounding disappointed, “and I didn’t die in glorious battle.”
“Don’t worry kid,” Musgrove answered removing the muffs, “I am sure you’ll get another chance.”
Dorak’s face brightened at that prospect.
“Except next time I get dibs on the ear-muffs,” Frog added.
Musgrove was about to reply when the barge suddenly lurched forward, moving rapidly through the tunnel, caught in a fast moving current. The sudden shift, knocked all of the people on the boat off their feet.
“Now what?” Esmerelda asked as she fell to the deck in a most undignified manner.
“We are caught in a severe undertow your highness,” the captain informed her.
Those aboard could only watch helplessly as the barge was pulled forward to the exit of the tunnel and the sharp jutting rocks beyond.
“This is going to hurt,” Frog cried closing his eyes.
“Captain can’t you steer clear of the rocks, drop sails or something?” Esmerelda screamed.
“No, the captain replied. “The current is just too strong.”
The crew and passengers braced themselves for the impact. Dorak stood boldly on the deck with his weapon in hand at a loss of what to do. The mighty warrior had never learned how to fight a rock.
The barge reached the stone outcroppings, but instead of a loud crash, there was bright silver shimmer as the boat passed harmlessly through the dissolving stones.
“Great Illusion,” Musgrove remarked with a note of appreciation. “Could use something like this in the enchanter special effects department.”
“Amazing we are still in one piece,” said Frog as he opened his eyes and felt his skinny body for injuries.
“Yes,” the princess agreed. “It appears we are safe now.
Then as if on cue, the ship came to a sudden halt flinging everyone down again—this time backwards.
The people on board recovered slowly discovering that the barge had crashed into a huge set of stairs which ascended out of the water and lead to the entrance of a large oval shaped temple made of gray marble.
“The Temple of Wazu,” Esmerelda whispered as she regained her footing while staring at the huge building.
“Anyone know who Wazu was?” Frog asked pushing the heavy metal cap off of his eyes.”
“Not sure babe,” Musgrove remarked staring at the busted cigar in his hand. “One of those old type gods,—you know forgotten in time and all that.”
“Talk, talk,” Dorak growled impatiently. “When are we going to fight?”
“I agree,” the princess said making her way to the bow where the captain and his crew were already lowering a small rope ladder.
“It would be best if we move as quickly as possible to avoid any problems,” Esmerelda said as she gracefully descended the ladder.
Reaching the stairs, Esmerelda turned and looked at the large gaping hole in her precious barge caused by the impact against the marble stairs.
“Great,” Esmerelda grumbled. “I don’t suppose the insurance was up to date on the royal barge?” She asked Arterius.
“Nay your highness,” the aged accountant stated. “It was one of the many bills your father neglected to pay, I am sorry to say.”
“Wonderful.” Esmerelda sighed and rolled her eyes.
“I thought you said your father was gravely ill and the kingdom was rich?” Dorak asked arching one bushy eyebrow
“He is,” Esmerelda assured him, thinking quickly while coyly fluttering her eyelashes at the barbarian. She didn’t come this far to fail now. “However, his mind was affected long before his body was paralyzed. I fear he forgot to take care of the simple necessities of running such a massive and successful kingdom. We could have paid any amount with our rich treasury if we had known, but I fear I have no head for figures.”.
“I understand,” Dorak, answered with a sympathetic tone. “It surely must be hard for one as lovely as you to concern yourself with these things.”
Frog could only bury his head in his hands. Sometimes Dorak amazed even him.
“Can you fix the boat captain?” Esmerelda asked turning to the captain.
“Yes your highness,” the captain answered. “We can use some of the wood on the ship for makeshift patch. It won’t be pretty but it’ll float.”
“Good enough,” the princess nodded. “Now what say we see what’s in this temple?”
“I say not.” Frog replied.
“Perhaps it would be best if you stay here where it is safe,” Dorak answered, “Frog and I, with help of the wizard, can get the pearl for you.”
“Wait a minute,” Musgrove interrupted. “I never said I’d go after some big terrible guardian. Besides, like I said, I am an idea guy. I can really help speed up the repair of the boat, you know keep things organized and that babe.”
“Your gesture is most grand noble one,” Esmerelda cooed, ”but if you are to face such terrible danger I wish to be by your side to offer what little comfort and aid I may.”
“Oh please.” Frog rolled his eyes, earning him an evil glare from the princess.
“Then you shall come,” Dorak, announced, ignoring Frog’s comment and striking his most heroic pose. “Dorak the Daring shall slay the beast and keep you from harm,”
“I have every confidence in your might and abilities,” the princess replied as they ascended the stairs.
“We are going to die,” Frog muttered trailing behind the pair along with the aged Arterius. Sadly, it was the duty of the sidekick to follow his hero loyally no matter how insane the situation might be.
The quartet stepped through a huge golden door at the front of the temple and entered a large circular room filled with white, intricately carved pillars that reached up to a large domed ceiling. On the far side of the room was a large gray door, which was the only other apparent exit to the room.
“Maybe no one is home,” Frog said hopefully.
“Perhaps they fear to face the prowess and might of a warrior born,” Dorak announced loudly.
“Oh really?” a deep cavernous voice answered back.
With those words, a huge red dragon dropped down from its invisible spot. The red scales shone brightly from the glistening pillars. The large mouth was lined with razor sharp teeth that were the length of a short sword. The large leathery wings folded neatly behind the beasts muscled back. The black talons on each massive claw were nearly the length of a barbarian two-handed sword.
The princess looked hopelessly at the creature before them. The behemoth was so huge there was no way she or Arterius could squeeze past and grab a handful of treasure.
“You are the guardian of the temple I take it.” Esmerelda asked screwing up her courage.
“The very same,” the guardian replied nodding its massive head.
“Surrender the Pearl of Health fiend,” Dorak demanded, “and I’ll let you live.”
“What are you talking about?” the guardian said, confused.
“Never mind him,” Frog interjected. “Look, I don’t suppose we couldn’t just say this was all a terrible mistake and you let us walk out of here, no harm done and all.”
“Sorry,” the guardian answered, “I might if it was up to me but you broke in and tried to take the treasure. Now I am supposed to exact revenge, rend you limb from limb—union rules you know.”
“Can’t you bend the rules?” Esmerelda asked smiling.
“It’s a strict union,” the guardian shrugged. “Nothing personal, you understand. Look, I didn’t want to do this guardian thing in the first place. You think its fun waiting around for some muscle bound jerk to come and try to steal a treasure. Let me tell you these burly types are really on the tough stringy side too.”
“So what did you want to be if not a guardian?” Frog asked ignoring the guardian’s culinary critique.
“Well if you must know I wanted to be a thespian, an actor,” the guardian said striking a dramatic pose, “but my father was a guardian, so was my mother and his father before him you know how it goes.”
“Very well,” Frog nodded in agreement. “Family pressure can be really tough. I kind of followed the family tradition too. All my family has been sidekicks.”
“Sorry to hear that,” the guardian said sympathetically.
“Likewise,” Frog replied. “So seeing as how we have so much in common, maybe you could let us go.”
“Wish I could,” the guardian answered sincerely, “but like I said it’s a strict union. I can give you a riddle and if you solve it you get the treasure without a fight, kind of a loophole I guess, but nobody has guessed the riddle.”
“So what is the riddle? “Esmerelda asked desperately
“Okay, here it goes,” the guardian cleared its throat to perform the monologue. “You traveled many leagues, traversed the tunnel that screeches and managed to go past the illusionary rocks, and faced the tribe of spear carrying amazons guarding the entrance.”
“There were no amazons,” Esmerelda corrected him
“Really?” the guardian said. “I haven’t been out much. Come to think of it, the last one I talked to said something about the entire tribe leaving and getting their own MV series.”
Ah well,” The guardian said wistfully. “Do you want me to continue, or do you want to forget the whole thing and just get straight to the rending of flesh?”
“Continue,” Frog answered hurriedly.
“Very well,” the guardian said clearing its throat again. “Okay… minus the amazons, you ascended the steps and entered the temple to face the invincible guardian. Yet, what one thing could you have done to avoid all of this?”
“Enough talk,” Dorak, shouted impatiently brandishing Leg Chopper. “It is time for you to face the might of a warrior born”
“Sure thing,” the guardian answered lunging forward to meet the charging warrior.
“As far as I am concerned,” Frog plopped down upon the marble floor, “we should have just stayed home.”
Just as the guardian and Dorak where about to clash in mortal combat the guardian reared back its massive head. The sudden shift caught the charging barbarian completely by surprise, unable to stop his charge he dove head first into the stone floor with a loud smack.
“What did you say?” the guardian exclaimed staring at the pathetic little man on the floor. “What are you, some sort of wise sage or something?”
“Not really,” Frog replied still not sure of what was happening.
“Not really,” the guardian mocked. “I’ve guarded this treasure for over five hundred years and you come up with the right answer just like that.”
“Sorry,” Frog apologized.
“Don’t patronize me Mr. Just-guess-the-answer-right-off-the-top-of-my-head,” the guardian snapped.”
“We are not through yet, beast!” Dorak shouted shaking his head. “Surrender the treasure or face the wrath of a northern barbarian warrior born.”
“Would love to,” the guardian replied. “but your wimpy friend there guessed the answer correctly so now I can’t fight you. Unless,” the guardian raised one large eyebrow, “you want to attack me and then I must defend myself.”
“I can’t just attack for no reason,” Dorak fumed. “It against the code of the warrior.”
“Then I guess were both stuck,” the guardian said with a hard stare.
“Excuse me,” Esmerelda interrupted, does this mean we can have the treasure?”
“Sure,” the guardian sulked. “Go ahead take the treasure, put me out of work, see if I care.”
“You’re not being a very good loser,” Frog remarked while the princess dashed off excitedly to the gray door and the treasure hidden behind it.
“What do you expect,” the guardian growled. “Thank you for putting me out of work. Do you know how hard it is to find guardian positions these days what with all these hero types running around? I just paid my union dues too.”
Ignoring the pouting dragon, Esmerelda flung open the gray door eagerly anticipating the riches locked within. Upon viewing the contents, her lovely jaw dropped open in disbelief. The large room was filled to capacity with large tomes and rolled scrolls scattered in great piles throughout the room
“What is this!” the princess demanded pointing at the contents of the room.
“It’s the treasure of Wazu,” the guardian answered, “Some of the greatest pieces of literature known to this world are collected here. Wazu was the patron of literature. What did you expect—gold and jewels?”
Before the princess could reply, Dorak leapt in front of the huge dragon.
“Enough!” he shouted. “Surrender the pearl of health or…”
“I know,” the guardian interrupted, “or face the wrath of a warrior born etcetera, etcetera. What is he babbling about?”
Frog rushed hurriedly towards the princess yanking one of the pearls sown on her gown.”
“Excuse me!” Esmerelda exclaimed indignantly.
“Play along,” Frog advised, “unless you want to be royal barbeque.”
“Here is the pearl O Thick Headed One,” Frog announced, handing the pearl to Dorak. “I found it hidden cleverly among the scrolls.”
“Good thing too,” Dorak growled at the dragon before turning to place the pearl into the dainty hands of the princess. “Your quest is done princess—now for my reward.”
“That’s nice,” Esmerelda answered distracted, “but now what am I going to do with this stuff—its worthless.”
“I’ll have you know those are some of the greatest works of all time,” the dragon growled. “They are priceless.”
“Yeah right,” the princess quipped, “like anybody reads anymore.”
“You right there honey,” Musgrove, remarked walking into the room puffing on his ever-present cigar. “Printed media is dead, no wonder the deity is forgotten.
“I thought you were staying to fix the boat,” Frog said, “where it was safe.”
“Fixed babe,” the gnome answered walking over to examine the contents, “and tell you the truth I was getting worried about you all. Comrades in arms and all that.”
“Right,” Frog arched his left brow.
“You know,” Musgrove remarked ignoring the scrawny man’s remark while he looked through the books and scrolls, “this stuff is so old, its new.”
“And what’s your point?” Esmerelda remarked testily.
“The point is, sweet cheeks,” Musgrove answered with a twinkle in his eyes, “that some of this stuff would make great storylines. We could even pawn it off as based on true stories; people eat stuff like that up. Best of all, this is free and clear—no royalties.”
“Well that’s good for you,” Esmerelda pouted. “I still have a kingdom to run.”
“Actually,” Musgrove remarked, “we even got a full cast here. “A brave buffed hero that has a good profile,” he said pointing his cigar at Dorak, “and a horrible nasty monster type…no offense.”
“None taken,” the guardian responded eagerly.
“We even have a lovely piece of fluff for the guys,” he said casting and appreciative leer at the Princess.
“Pardon me,” Esmerelda said with more then a little indignation.
“Nothing personal honey,” Musgrove said dismissively walking over to where Dorak stood still confused. “Kid,” he said staring at Dorak, “I am going to make you famous.”
“Even more so then Xernia, Heracles and even Corak the Mighty?” Dorak asked.
“Dorak, sweetheart, babe don’t be ridiculous,” Musgrove levitated to put an arm around the burly barbarian. “They’re just heroes, I am going to make you an MV star.” The small gnome proceeded to outline his entire plan for the new show.
After everyone, including the guardian left, Musgrove made a few calls on a communication crystal, setting up a screen test for all four. The princess was reluctant at first, but then Arterius reminded her of the alternative. It wasn’t like it was really working and besides, MV personalities were more famous than nobility these days.

They all tested well, except for Frog who just didn’t have the screen presence for even a comic relief. Frog didn’t mind though, deciding to become Dorak’s agent instead. In fact, he turned out to be a shrewd negotiator, getting Dorak an impressive salary along with a percentage of the sales on tapestries and action figures.
C. E. Musgrove was hailed as a genius for producing one of the longest running action series ever to hit the crystal. Dorak was still confused how the being he slew kept coming back to life, but the princess and Frog explained it to him in a satisfactory manner. Actually, Esmerelda and Frog had been seen in each others company quite a bit lately, having discovered they have so much in common and there have been rumors of a possible engagement in the offing.
Oh yes, and they all lived happily ever after. Well except for the guardian who later confessed in a fan scroll, “Acting is fine,” he told an interviewer, “but what I really want to do is direct.”

The End