"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you are one dumb Polock."-- Archie Bunker (to Mike)

"Listen Edith, I know you're singing, you know you're singing, but the neighbors may think I'm torturing you."-- Archie Bunker (to Edith)

-"Did you know that 65% of the people murdered in the last 10 years were killed by handguns?"-- Gloria
--"Would it make you feel any better little girl, if they was pushed out windows?"-- Archie Bunker

"I was talking about the Bible which has nothing to do with the Jews."-- Archie Bunker

"I'm not racist! I'll be the first to say it, it's not their fault they're colored!"-- Archie Bunker

-"If your spics and your spades want their rightful share of the American dream, let 'em get out there and hustle for it like I done."-- Archie Bunker
--"So now you're going to tell me the black man has just as must chance as the white man to get a job?"-- Michael Stivic
-- "More, he has more... I didn't have no million people marchin' and protestin' to get me my job."-- Archie Bunker
--"No, his uncle got it for him."-- Edith Bunker

"God don't make no mistakes -- that's how he got to be God."-- Archie Bunker

"Hey, Sammy, I know there was nothing you could do about being born black, but what made you turn Jew."-- Archie Bunker (to Sammy Davis Jr)

"Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side."-- Archie Bunker

"It ain’t supposed to make sense; it’s faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe."-- Archie Bunker

-"If the Pope ever made a mistake would God fire him?"-- Edith Bunker
--"No, Edith, the Pope is like the Civil Service - he's in it for life."-- Archie Bunker

[Doorbell Rings]
-"There's someone at the door."-- Edith Bunker
--"Someone at the door. That's the first thing she's said today that makes sense."-- Archie Bunker

-"Arch, that's crazy. How long have you been believing in curses?"-- Michael Stivic
--"How long have you been living here?"-- Archie Bunker

"We didn't crawl out from under no rocks. We didn't have no tails. And we didn't come from monkeys you atheist pinko meathead."-- Archie Bunker

"I believe in total equality between man and woman. But that equality can only come about when the female partner is willing to confess her total inferiority."-- Michael Stivic

"Tell you something Mr. Stivic. You are a meathead. A meathead, dead from the neck up."-- Archie Bunker

"If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook."-- Archie Bunker

-"Ya know you are totally incomprehensible."-- Michael Stivic
--"Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense."-- Archie Bunker

"I like company, I just don't like when they visit."-- Archie Bunker

"A man isn't suposed to be in the labor room. Even the doctors are ashamed to be in there, that's why they wear them little masks."-- Archie Bunker

"Isn't it great? The baby's showing already. I wonder when he's going to start kicking."-- Michael Stivic
"As soon as he finds out his father's a Pollock."-- Archie Bunker
"Did you know your grandson is going to be half Pollock?"-- Michael Stivic
"Yeah, but I didn't think we had to tell him."-- Archie Bunker

"How do you know it was an apple and not a peach or a tomato?"-- Michael Stivic
"Because God invented the apple first because A is for apples."-- Archie Bunker
"How do you know it wasn't an avocado?"-- Michael Stivic
"Because look at this," He points at his throat. "that's an Adam's apple from when Adam ate the apple."-- Archie Bunker

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Created by Jenna - 2003-2004
Last Updated March 2004