ISOLATION

Isolation. It's a silent killer. Slowly killing your soul. Viciously crushing your spirit.
Slowly, but surely.
The more isolated you are, the more isolated you want to be.
Separating you from the rest of the world. Disconnecting you from everyone. Making you feel alienated.

Loneliness sets in leaving you with an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach.
It never leaves. It spreads like the plague.
You're distant and when people are around you they sense it. They don't understand so you keep to yourself.

You feel no one cares. You feel your life is not worth it. You feel you are not worth it.
That feeling remains and kills what's left of your soul.

You feel empty. Depression sets in. Your mind gets so confused. You can hardly concentrate on what's going on.
You want to lie down and think of nothing. Feeling too drained to even cry.
Your emotions goes from one extent to the next.
You feel nothing, then you feel everything. You can't control it.

You don't understand it. No one seems to understand it.
You write down your feelings on paper and try to make sense of it.
The only thing you are certain of is how you feel. But you do not understand 'Why'.

You extend your hand out for help. But no one is there. You are alone.
Then the isolation engulfs you even more.

- Donna
© July 2000

THE DARK HOLE

All I see is blankness. There's no way out. I am trapped in a hole.
There are many doors, but they are all locked with so many bolts.
I feel my way around and find a few keys. But none of them opens a door.
As I try I hear evil mocking voices. I am tired of trying and scared of the evil laughter.
I'll have to continue living the best way I know how in my little dark hole.

I feel many death spirits around me. They are tempting me to follow them.
Tricking me to believe that they have the only way out.
It would be so easy to follow them. Just one lock and one key.
No fuss, no confusion. Just freedom.
I listen to them and ask many questions. They mock me, yet they want me.

A few butterflies manage to sneak their ways in the dark hole.
I can see them glowing.
I can't understand how they got in or why they'd even want in.
But there they are. Glittering. It's like there's a halo glowing around them.
Their beauty makes me smile. I feel warmth in my heart.

They can't seem to hear the spirits of death. Somehow they can only hear me.
I can plainly sense their attentions on me.
They want me to follow them out of the dark hole.
They talk about the beauty that awaits me out there.

No matter how hard I try I am stuck in this dark hole.
I accept it. I tell them 'it's ok', I am used to being in my little dark hole.

- Donna
© August, 1999

THE CRACK

In the end it's all the little things that makes a big thing happen.
All it takes is a tiny crack and everything changes.
Having a crack on a screen window let's all the bugs in.
A crack in speakers will make them sound lousy.
A crack on a skull will end you in the hospital.
Even a crack on a wall can drive you up the wall.

I tried to seal all my cracks. I did not want my feelings and emotions to sneak out.
I wanted no one to be able to see how I was inside.
On the outside the world stood still. The ocean was calm.
It was a calm before the storm. And I did not see the signs.
I was yet to find out that just a tiny crack would lead to disaster.

I only meant to let out a tiny bit of what I was feeling inside.
My heart was so heavy. I thought what would leak out of just one tiny crack would be ok.
Yet when I did let things out of that crack, things came pouring out.
What came out was ugly and painful. Making me loose control.
I tried to seal it again, but I didn't know how. And it was destroying everything that surrounded me.

It was like a volcano that finally erupts and destroys everything in its path.
Where does one start again after such a disaster?
Even if you live through it, is there any hope left?

The damage my tiny crack did made me feel sick to my stomach.
I can't take a chance of it leaking again.
What came out was much too painful.
It left me weak and ashamed.

- Donna
© March 19,1999