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May '00
Quote of the Month
"You make the twizzler look dull.... You make a lobster look dead, you make a lobster look pale, YOU SCARE LOBSTERS! Dogs pee on you because you're BRIGHTER THAN A FIRE HYDRANT!" -- Jen, 5/26
5/1
Crouse Lounge
"I don't need no stinkin Jews." -- Betsy, upon my surprise that she was able to answer the crossword clue: Jewish New Year.
Theory
"I've been sick so long, let me tell ya, it's starting to feel normal." -- Lisa Preziosi (First Quote)
Lauren and Ilana's Room
"Ilana, can you go and fuck [him] and tell me if it was good?" -- Lauren Maynes
5/2
Eggers
"If I do see you again, don't have a good summer!" -- Mike
On the way to Kimmel
This quote has been removed at the request of the quotee.
Online
"It's like trying to make up for the fact that it was once hair being taken from a living thing, so it rescues whatever falls off my head! But NO! It's synthetic, so it just THINKS it was once from a living thing. Stupid fleece." -- Kathleen
"Is saying 'copyright infringement' copyright infringement?'" -- Kathleen
5/3
Shoppingtown Mall
"I want to buy Clarice a birth certificate." -- Cricket, who meant to say "gift certificate"
"You look like an art student, you must be hungry." -- Cricket
"Your car is grooving on this song. No wait - it's just me." -- Cricket
Clarice & Cricket's room
"I'm just a shit-throw away from being done!" -- Clarice
Online
"Crack an egg into a frying pan and you have a fried egg. Crack an egg on your head and it's just a mess." -- Taralyn Bulyk (First Quote)
Flint Main Desk
"You are the enigma wrapped in a riddle. Khristian's just freakin' nuts!" -- Shay
Old quote from my IST 346 Textbook
"Computers are programmed by writing computer programs." -- IST 346 Textbook
On the phone
"She's a power quoter." -- Kathleen, about Alyssa's string of five quotes in five minutes (on 4/27/00)
5/4
Eggers
Kevin Upcraft: I'd feel like a third wheel.
Jessica Crawford: ... Fifth wheel! Fifth wheel! There are four wheels!
Andrew: Did you say "fuck?" That's not a Greek letter.
Matt Rossi: Fuck was one of the original Greek letters.
Andrew: Hi, I'm in Fuck Shit Omega.
Kevin: Sex should only happen if both people agree to it.
Tami Devine: Yeah, if not, it's RAPE!
Katie & Erin's room
Katie: Whoa! That's not you!
Andrew: No no, that's a purple sheet.
Online
"Crack an egg into a frying pan and you have a fried egg. Crack an egg on your head and it's just a mess." -- Taralyn Bulyk (First Quote)
Cornell: dining hall and parking garage
"I'm speechless." -- Andrew, placing a banana on Ben's plate.
"Ben, stop spreading your ass juice all over campus." -- Jen Bentley
5/5
E-mail
"Sorry again, hope you don't hate me too much. I will forgive you eventually though, for hating me that is." -- Miriam. Don't you love how women turn stuff around on you like that?
Crouse
Adam: Good triumphs over evil!
Kelly: No, you're evil.
Adam: Oh yeah.
Andrew's car
"Tonedeaf cow!" -- Kelly, to Adam, who was mooing off key.
"We like to pick up tall men off the street. It's a habit of mine, actually." -- Kelly
Watson
"The people who live in this room are stupidity incarnate." -- Cricket
Party at some art major's house, following "Die Fledermaus" (have a little poem)
"What up, Third Act!" -- Cricket
"What up, Quotebook!" -- Cricket
Andrew: What chords should we use? How about I and V?
Cricket: Good idea Mozart!
E-mail
"So this cat walked into my room today. I wonder who taught her to push 5 in the elevator. She hasn't shit all day. I wonder who removed her excretory system." -- Disuhan
5/6
Crouse Room 308
"Did you spit twice and throw chicken fat over your left shoulder?" -- Dr. Waggoner, suggesting ways to get the audio equipment to work
"'(Arvo Part:) We should get married.' Um, okay. That would've been a good idea because I need to slow down and he needs to speed up." -- Joan Tower talking about the differences between her and Part's compositional styles.
Andrew's car
"What are you, the air fucking Nazi?" -- Jenn Bentley
"It's just about, but not quite, 90 degrees." -- Ben being verbose about the temperature.
The Olive Garden (yum)
"And thus, Jesus sat there and said, 'Eat me.'" -- Jenn Bentley
"Okay, I'll jut pull the thirty grand out of my ass. Oh wait, it's not there! Bend over, let's see if it comes out of yours. ..... yoink!" -- Jenn Bentley (incidentally, it wasn't there either)
"Every morning I wake up and say 'Oh shit, not you again.'" -- Jenn Bentley, referring to herself
Andrew's Car, again
"I've never laughed so hard in my life before! ...Except for that one day. ...Yesterday..." -- Jenn Bentley
"It was diminished! I couldn't stop!" -- Jenn Bentley, commenting on how the harmonic nature of the X-Files theme song can be dangerous when driving
"In Syracuse, Christmas occurs on May 6th." -- Andrew
Online
"Are you smuggling Bens from Cornell into Syracuse?" -- Jenn Lenihan (the other power-quoting Jenn)
Andrew's Room in Flint
"I don't think he hunts; he's from Long Island." -- Cricket
"Quick! Give me something sharp to stick in my eye!" -- Cricket, who could have been wondering what Miriam was wondering on April 14th
"I have very, very little to say." -- Ben, handing me a bunch of tiny bananas
5/7
Online
"This is the Webern that sounds like cats are being thrown at things ... oh wait, that's all the Webern ones." -- Kelly Stallard
"If I don't find it, I'm not only screwed, but bolted, nailed, staple-gunned, and other such unpleasant-sounding things." -- Andrew, on the loss of Tebo.
"Is it a coincidence that Kathleen rhymes with Caffeine? I think not!" -- Kathleen was VERY unhappy that I quoted her, as the end is drawing near.
5/9
Cricket, Clarice, and MariAnne's room
Cricket: She's the dragon lady.
Andrew: Why is that?
Clarice: She bites.
"I think you should write bigger! Just a little bigger Mr. Cheaty Pants!" -- Clarice, having the opposite opinion of Kathleen
"MariAnne has a blue goat on her foot!" -- Cricket
Andrew: See? You should've said that!
Clarice: And you should've kissed my butt.
5/10
Betsy, Trish, Mike, and Peter's house
"Gasp! I have another friend!" -- Betsy
Andrew: You're transporting pretzels.
Bryanna: Don't cross over state lines.
Bryanna: I took the road less travelled by.
Andrew: And it has made all the difference.
Aaron: Because now I'm lost!
"We are the knights who say ... GHOOM!" -- Aaron
Bryanna: Are you for real Betsy?
Betsy: My uncle owns a farm.
(This made sense at the time)
Online
"If you're going to break up with Jenn Bentley, then your only excuse should be that you are becoming a woman." -- Jenn Bentley
5/1l
Judgement Day
"Twelve tone music is the gynecology of the music world." -- Kelly Stallard
Time of death - 12:02 PM
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In Memoriam, the Death of the Quotebook
But we mustn't let this tragedy consume us forever, and thus...
Quotebook the Second: Time of birth - 12:52 PM
Online
Andrew: You wouldn't get it ... Jewish thing.
Sara: My one horn gets it, but it's not connected to my brain.
Exiting Watson
"Gosh, I just LOVE shitty music!" -- Alyssa
"It's eating spaghetti!" -- Alyssa, describing Quotebook the Second
Online
"Must sleep ... no choices ... it's a different world." -- Kathleen
"Hmm, my guardian spirit seems to be made out of math homework." -- Matt
5/12
Driving to Utica and back, an afternoon of Cricket quotes
"I love driving down the highway and being like, 'Hi horse's butt!'" -- Cricket
"Licked it!! Licked it for YOU!!!" -- Cricket, an homage to Jenn Bentley
"That's why your steering wheel is all sticky!" -- Cricket
"EZ Pass GO!" -- Cricket
Marshall Street
"How come no one ever says 'Deseesnstnst...'" -- Cricket, trying to say "Desist and cease"
"Decease and cyst!" -- Andrew
That same art major's house we were at on May 5th
"There's nothing creepy going on, except for Gavin." -- Cricket
5/13
Cassy's room
"Now, my big words are cat and dog." -- Cassy
Andrew's Car
"You know I love you but I'm runnin' on fumes." -- Andrew, because we were out of gas, and that Phil Collins song was on the radio.
Katie and Andrew's pretend date at Ruby Tuesday's
"Bryanna Parr, get out of my date!" -- Andrew
Andrew: Mmm, this tastes good.
Katie: Yes, that's why they make them.
"Everytime someone says 'garbanzo beans' an angel gets its wings." -- Katie
Andrew: I need a soda. (waitress brings a soda)
Katie: I need a man. (we're still waiting)
Back in the car again
"We're Syracuse, we have East!" -- Katie
"Welcome to lost. Population: us." -- Andrew
5/14
Commencement
"Don't die." -- Sara Cazeault, saying goodbye
Packing up my room
Andrew's dad: What are these?
Andrew: Why, that's swaetpants and peanut butter.
Andrew's dad: Why do you have to quote right there on the floor for (sic)?
Andrew's mom: When you gotta quote, you gotta quote.
"If you hesitate, I throw it away." -- Andrew's mom
5/15
phone
"Part of me wants to buy them and part of me wants to not be scary." -- Sara
5/16
Disuhan's car
Alex: We're humping the street!
Disuhan: You gotta get the rhythm right. Oh yeah! That's it!
Jen LENIHAN's house
"You make wonderful cocks, all of you." -- Jen
"They are mine. They have my name on them. My name is Potato." -- Jen
"STOP! For the love of the upholstry!" -- Jen
"Why use words when you can break another person's chimney sweep?" -- Jen
"I'll get something healthy. I'll get baco-cheese gravy fries ... and a milkshake! STOP!" -- Jen
5/17
Erika's house
"I cooked: monument." -- Erika
5/18
Andrew's House
"I eat 300-page books for breakfast." -- Erika
"I have foiled your evil plan ... called the Alan Parsons Project." -- Erika
"Because I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, Alex is a bitch!" -- Ben (almost being Stuart Smalley)
"Just stare at Andrew and hope that Ben gets it." -- Disuhan
"DICK!" -- Alex's clue for Mary Tyler Moore during celebrities, and her comment after Ben didn't get it.
Ben: You don't know that.
Alex: I do!
5/19
Adam's house
"My favorite biblical character is Mary Magdelene, 'cause she's a skanky ho." -- Sara
5/20
Gasho
Doug: I don't know how to play celebrities.
Sara: You have no odor.
(because people who don't like to play celebrities smell bad)
"Some people are under the mistaken impression that there are dinosaurs other than triceratops that are important." -- Sara
5/21
Christine's house
This quote has not been posted at the request of the quotee.
"I rape the quotebook, the quotebook rapes me." -- Jen
"You're so dead they've already donated your organs." -- Jen
5/22
MacArthur Airport
"The air going in and out of your nose sounded like a duck being folded into uncomfortable shapes." -- Andrew, about Jen's snoring
Andrew: There's a disco going on in that plane.
Disuhan: It's the Brady plane!
Epcot, All Star Music, and other random places in Disney World
Alex: I don't care who I sleep with.
Jen: Yeah, we know that.
"I want to be chased by a bacteriophage! ...bacteriophanges turn me on." -- Jen
Andrew: I lost the "J" in college.
Jen: There is no J in COLLEGE!
(I was referring to the Scrabble tile)
"Anytime she gets the chance to rape something, she will." -- Jen, about Alex
5/23
All Star Music/Animal Kingdom/Blizzard Beach
"I was thinking of getting those snore strips for you, and then suing the company when they didn't work." -- Adam, to Ben
Ben: There shall be no cursing at the happiest place on Earth.
Disuhan: Fuck that.
"It seems I'm the only one who gets harrassed by produce." -- Jen
"The dirt might be dirty, be careful." -- Jen
"Gee! Seeing all those dinosaurs eating those other dinosaurs has made me hungry!" -- Jen
"They needed binoculars to see the dinosaurs, and you needed Binaca FOR the dinosaurs." -- Jen, there's an explanation, but it's involved.
"It takes forever, and forever is just too long." -- Jen, about the chairlift at Blizzard Beach
5/24
Our room in All Star Music
"NO! Make it six 'o clock! The earlier the better. We want to wake up the rooster!" -- Jen
"She's hoterventilating!" -- Ben
"How much is that hoter in the window, the one with the flailing breast?" -- Jen, singing
5/25
All Star Music/Alfredo's/The Marketplace
"Grandma's got a noodle and she knows how to use it." -- Jen, at the guitar shaped pool.
"Death by pesto." -- Jen
"Zero to cheesecake in 2.1 seconds." -- Jen, I don't know why
"Pee or Pooh, those are the choices." -- Ben, stating that one could either go to the bathroom, or go to the Winnie the Pooh store.
5/26
All Star Music/The Marketplace
"Hi my name is Jen. I'm a small African country." -- Jen, wearing Alex's large colorful towel.
"Adam is special, can I have a piece of you as a souvenir?" -- Jen
"She's a gezuntaboob!" -- Jen
Alex: I have a prosthetic boob.
Jen: You ARE a prosthetic boob!
"There is no rape! There is no penis, there is no vagina, THERE IS NO RAPE!" -- Alex
"You make the twizzler look dull.... You make a lobster look dead, you make a lobster look pale, YOU SCARE LOBSTERS! Dogs pee on you because you're BRIGHTER THAN A FIRE HYDRANT!" -- Jen, to Adam.
"I find RAs to be pointless." -- Adam, THANKS!
"I have to decline the RSVP to attend Jen's chest." -- Disuhan, as tempting as it was.
"You are bad, have a ticket ... have TWELVE tickets!" -- Jen
Alex is Dexter, the rabid, key-lime, prosthetic, metallic gezuntaHoter!
5/27
The flight back to Long Island
"If you are travelling with any children, people depending on you, people acting like children...." -- Flight Attendant
"And remember, if you have a bumpy landing, it's not the 1st officer's fault, it's not the captain's fault, it's the asphalt." -- The same flight attendant
Sara's house
"Nothing improves your posture like a triceratops on your head." -- Sara
5/28
Kim's house
"Did he just carry her to someplace soft?" -- Sara, about Matt and Kim
Andrew: What are you, a sabre tooth tiger?
Sara: No, I'm a triceratops, wrong prehistoric animal.
"If you go to Hoover Dam, don't go to Hoover Dam!" -- Matt
"First you brought her downstairs and we were like, no, and then you put her on her bed and we were like, yes!" -- Disuhan
Crab Meadow Beach
"I think only drug dealers get their breaks cut." -- Gina
"'You just said shit!' Yeah, 'cause I'm fucking pissed!" -- Gina
5/31
Matt's House
"If you're sexually attracted to someone, your dilates get bigger." -- Andrew, who meant to say "your pupils dilate"
Matt: Loves...
Gina: Diapers!
(Playing celebrities)
Church on Clay Pitts Road
"Life is fragile, handle with prayer." -- Sign in front of the church