Before attempting to talk through the issue, it might be useful to use the pillow method and to gain a better perspective of the conflict. You start from top-right corner, and work your way as suggested by the arrows. This works better if you write it down. Step one is your current position. Step two is the issue seen from your adversary’s point of view. The 3rd step is to try to see what are the good and bad points of both points of view. In the 4th step you try to bypass the issue, or realize it might not be so important as it initially seemed. In the 5th step, the conclusion, you try to reach a win-win solution with the insight you've gained from the previous steps.
The timing and place are very important. If you are angry, it’s better to wait 15 minutes until you cool down. Ask the other person if it’s OK to discuss the issue there and then. If there is a better breakdown in communication, it’s better to leave it for another time. More and more negative communication leads to more and more negative results.
During the course of the discussion, make sure you keep his undivided attention. Ask for feedback and use perception checking. Listen to his side of the story as well. Remember, you need his help to reach a win-win resolution.
