It is important to identify your emotions, so that you know what must be done about them. Emotion is your friend, and you should pay attention to what it’s saying. Since you usually can’t react properly to an emotion you can't describe, it would be useful to expand your emotional vocabulary People with impoverished emotional vocabulary lead emotionally impoverished lives.
When you feel pain, it is the result of either your perception or your procedures. So painful emotions represent a call to action, telling you something’s wrong with your perception, or procedures, or both. Here are a few examples of painful emotions and their meaning:
? Boredom, unease, impatience, distress, mild embarrassment. (Something is not quite right in your perception or procedures). Try a different approach!
? Fear, apprehension, worry, anxiety. (You need to be more prepared for what's about to happen). Think about the situation; devise a plan; start implementing it. Decide you're on your way to solving the problem, so choose to stop worrying.
? Hurt. (You feel you lost something, you need to realize your expectations or actions have not been appropriate). Make sure you really lost something and you're not just imagining it. Reevaluate the situation, see what went wrong and if there's any good that can come out of it. Communicate your feeling to whomever you see as its source.
? Anger, annoyance, rage, resentment. (Caused by feelings of hurt that have not been dealt with, one of your important standards has been violated by someone else). Make sure both the matter and the person concerned are indeed important to you. See the good side, or at least be grateful for what you've learnt. Think how you will feel one year from now. Confront the source of your anger (a person).
? Frustration. (Despite your current lack of progress you believe you could achieve a better result; this tells you you must change your approach). You must be more flexible; try brainstorming for new ideas. Think of a time you went through the same scenario and eventually managed to overcome the problem.
? Disappointment. (You believe you missed out on something, so you need to change your expectations). Figure out what you can learn from this and reevaluate what you truly want. Set a new goal / revise the old one. Be positive and start working towards your new goal.
? Guilt. (You've violated one of your own highest standards). Be honest with yourself about your mistake and commit never to do it again. Learn your lesson and move on, stop feeling guilty.
? Inadequacy. (You believe you currently lack the information, understanding, strategies or confidence you need for the task at hand). Make sure it is not your perception that’s holding you back. Acknowledge what you're good at, be positive and start improving.
? Overload, helplessness, depression, grief. (The situation seems to be beyond your control). Break the problem into small steps and immediately start tackling the 1st one to get a sense of control. Realize this might not be as important as you thought and start devising alternatives.
? Loneliness. (You need people, you're not receiving enough attention /support /love). Reach out and connect with people. Immediately!
Now you have identified the negative emotions and have dealt with the source of the problem, it’s time to replace them with emotions of power:
? Love and warmth
? Appreciation and gratitude
? Curiosity
? Excitement and passion
? Determination
? Flexibility
? Confidence
? Cheerfulness
? Vitality
? Contribution, working for a cause, helping others
Work towards having the right state of mind. You know you have achieved this if ideas and abilities come effortlessly. Wake up to your peak sate every day. Remember a time you felt on top of the word. Imagine how it felt. That should change your state of mind for the better. Stand, walk and talk in ways that reflect your (best) emotional state.
Us the morning and evening power questions to start and end your day in a good emotional state.
The morning power question: What am I grateful for/ love most / enjoying most/ committed to / looking forward to / in my life right now? What am I happy / proud / excited about my life right now?
The evening power question: What have I achieved today? How have I enhanced the quality of my life? What have I learned today? What will I achieve tomorrow? Have I behaved like the assertive person I'm trying to be? Have I been the best I can be?
