Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen made one of her unique entrances - this time, she was on the Q (yes, it's like the Segway Human Transporter, only cheaper & hipper...I think!)! Yes, and she was maneuvering the futuristic machine pretty well indeed! When the claps and the cheers from the audience eventually died down, she exclaimed just how happy she's always been to be doing the show. Then wasting no time, she started her monologue about...yes, the Q! "It's the way of the future!" she beamed gleefully at everyone, obviously loving the futuristic wheels! Yup, Ellen even bet that very soon, we don't even have to worry about shoes anymore 'coz...you can simply hop on the Q bare-footed - just think about how much $ you'd save on shoes, eh?!
• Anyway, after her monologue, Ellen began her dance routine. But just when she started to boogey, in came Justin Timberlake from the backstage, doing his usual suave moves toward Ellen who literally froze in shock!!! JT got Ellen good 'coz the poor comedienne didn't know he would show up at all!! She was left speechless and tried to do her dance routine with JT in utter embarrassment!! It was hilarious! When the dance routine finally ended, they both sat down to have a little chat & the first thing Ellen said was, "There's a rule here that no one surprised me," to which JT mischievously replied, "But I don't work here,"!! Heh-heh, good one, JT!! He then explained about his surprise visit, "I just wanna drop by & say congratulations on your Emmy, & to say that if there's anybody who deserves it, you definitely deserve it." Awww, how incredibly sweet!!! Ellen was left not just embarrassed but went red with that compliment! And with that, JT got up to leave but before he went backstage, he and Ellen gestured to each other that they'd be calling each other later! How cool was that!! The audience just loved it! Of 'coz after JT was gone, Ellen just sat there, obviously still couldn't shake off her utter shocked reaction, & finally said, "I've gotta do the show now & I'm hot & everything!"

Ellen enthusiastically introduced Sharon Stone, whom she called her friend, to the show for the 2nd time!! Cool! The 1st thing Sharon did when she sat down with Ellen was to congratulate her on winning an Emmy!! Then of 'coz Ellen had to ask if Sharon saw JT backstage to which the blonde beauty chuckled & replied, " yes," & proceeded to say, "He was coming down the hall & I was like, 'Uh-uh-uh-uh, oh, Justin. Hi.' All of a sudden you're like, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm a girl!'" Then Ellen fished out a picture of Sharon's 4-year-old son, Rone (he's so cute!) & Sharon began talking about him ever so affectionately. Apparently Ellen hadn't seen Rone for 2 years & was surprised to see how grown the little boy was already. Sharon told everyone that Ellen first saw his son when he was 1 day old! Wow! You can see that they're good friends! Whenever she talks about her son, Sharon suddenly turns very maternal & really excited about how his son's doing and he's been up to - it's great to see that. Speaking of babies & child development, of 'coz Ellen didn't pass on the chance to ask Sharon when she started walking & talking.. (remember Ellen's fixation on Brittany Murphy's claim that she began speaking in complete sentences when she was 4-months-old?). Sharon of 'coz knew what Ellen was up to (Brittany Murphy's claim) & replied that she started walking & talking at 10-months-old. That was the signal for Ellen to bring up Brittany Murphy's claim out in the open again! The audience just erupted 'coz everyone knows that by now, Ellen has been gearing up to challenge Brittany's claim. It was so funny! When Ellen asked Sharon if Brittany could be right, her guest, who's a former MENSA student & one of the cleverest actresses in Hollywood, mind ya, insisted that Murphy was either talking about "baby talk" or she's got a good imagination. But Ellen told her that Brittany was very adamant about her claim and said that her mom could vouch for her that she wasn't doing the "baby talk" at 4-months but complete sentences!! Guess what Sharon said? She suggested, "That's why she's an actress...because she has an imagination." Heh, good one, Sharon! But you know what? Ellen, I think, has a good mind to invite Brittany back to her show when the new season begins in the Fall & this time she'll get Brittany's mom on too. For what, you may ask. What else? Ellen's gonna strap both Brittany & her mom on a lie detector test, just to see if Brittany was telling her the truth!! Aww, that'd be a GREAT, FANTABULOUS show, if Ellen can get the young, bubbly & apparently very smart actress to agree on that..& her mom, too!! You go, Ellen!

Then Ellen asked about Sharon's latest movie, "Catwoman." She revealed that all her fight sequences with Halle Berry, who plays the title role, took 9 days to shoot!! Wow! FYI, Sharon plays the villain in the movie & she never looked so cool even though, of 'coz, she isn't the hero and eventually gets beaten by Halle's Catwoman!! Yeah! Ellen joked that perhaps after this movie, the studios could create a movie for Sharon where she can play the title role called, "The Villain" instead!! Sharon was like, "Yeah, right!"

Ellen then introduced her next guest, Fantasia Barino, whom y'all know as the latest American Idol champ. Before she performed her new single, "I Believe," Fantasia had a little chat with Ellen, who wouldn't stop raving about her incredible voice and how great it was that she won! Ellen told Fantasia that she knew the 19-year-old would win the top spot the 1st time she saw her in the audition on American Idol simply because of her amazingly powerful voice. Yes, American Idol is apparently Ellen' favorite TV show.. Fantasia talked about just how happy she was of her win, especially the fact that she can take care of her 2-year-old daughter, Zion, and support her now. She was thanking and expressing her heartfelt gratitude toward her mom who had been there for her when she was a struggling teenage mother to her daughter and the 1st thing she's gonna do with the money she's won is to get something to her mom. That's sweet!

The big finish today was literally HUGE! Yes, it's none other than the whole audience holding up the gigantic cardboard of the words, "The Big Finish"!!!! How original was that, eh?! Heh-heh!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• I Haven't Changed A Bit...I Promise!:
  "Here's what happened to me..[before Ellen continued with her monologue, she must have heard one of the audience members choking 'coz the next thing we saw was her running toward the poor choking woman & handed her a bottle of water! Awwww, what more could we ask for from such a sweet host, eh?!]..This morning something happened & I'll share it with you...because we have time..! So someone asked me if I lost weight & I said, No, & I haven't. And they were like, 'Are you sure? You really look like you've lost weight' & I said, 'No, I haven't lost weight,' & they said, 'Did you have glasses on or something before the last time I saw you?' And I said, 'No, I don't know what you're talking about!' And they said, 'Maybe you were out in the sun or you got a tan or a haircut or something! Have you whitened your teeth?!' 'No, there's nothing different about me.' 'Well, you did something because you look great!' Which I'm sure they meant it as a compliment but really, what it came out to me was something like, 'Whatever you do, don't go back to how you used to be. Whoa! You were a mess!' Because they were so shocked it was like, something had happened! They're like, 'You look so different now!' That's when I realized that she weas thinking about someone completely different, someone fatter, with longer hair..& bifocal! Nothin different. I'm the same person all the time. Same things, very rarely changed. The only thing that was different...maybe that was what it was, is that I tried a new deodorant..! Because, you know, I don't really fall for the stuff but sometimes when they advertize it so fancy & I think, maybe there is a difference between deodorants & I tried that 'Invisible Dry'..supposedly, that's what I'll say right there! Invisible Dry, it's not. There's no such thing! I put the stuff on because I have the problem all the time with the deodorant. I put the deodorant on..& no matter how long I wait, I put my shirt on, I always have these lines that end up down there [pointing to the lower part of her shirt]! Those 3 lines! And it's not stylish & what I thought someone should make it popular, is, you know how the jeans are really fashionable right now that they look like they have creases right there [pointing to the crotch area ]? They should make that popular so you'll never know you have those lines! That's my idea...I'm thinkin'. I'm always thinkin'! But anyway, the point is, I'd know if I lost weight & I kept saying this because I'd realize if my pants were larger, my clothes were bigger, I haven't eaten in a while, my hair & my teeth were falling out!! That's what happens when you're losing weight! But anyway, the person insisted finally saying, 'Well, maybe it's just in your face'! And that's the worst thing, that's true! When you lose weight, the 1st place you lose weight is in your face! You're trying to lose weight, you're trying to lose it in your stomach or your thighs or your arms or anything & all you lose is in your face! Which is never....& then you look just like a drawn-out, older person with a gigantic bottom body!! And so anyway, I finally told her, I said, 'Yes, I lost weight' just because she wasn't gonna take no for an answer & then I realized I get a lot, when people, when they see me out in public, they'll say, 'You look so much better in person.' Which you know..you know.. I like that..I guess! I like that I look good without all this, but you know they say television makes you 10 lbs. heavier & a foot taller in your sideburns.. But it's ironic because they spend millions of dollars to make me look really good here. I mean, like, there's 5 hours of hair & make-up every morning, I'm sitting in. This is a weave..[pointing at her hair]!! It should be the opposite for this kinda money, & the lighting, the make-up & everything. I should look smaller & better on television instead of larger, you know! You'd think that they'd invent a camera that'd make people look thinner, because they keep saying, everybody looks 10 lbs. heavier! They should have, like, a Sony Trim-A-Slim or something! Again, why do I have to think of everything?! Whether you see me on television or in person, I always look the same when I'm dancing!"

Kate Hudson came on & boy, did she look good! Can't believe she just had a baby 5 months ago! That was what Ellen was commenting on when Kate sat down with her. But Kate was saying she still has about 8 lbs. to lose which Ellen just looked at her like, "Are you crazy, girl?! You look great already!" Then Ellen asked Kate the inevitable that led to a hilarious conversation between them!! Read on to find out how the conversation went..
Ellen: Have we met?
Kate: Yes..
Ellen: [looking shocked & in disbelief] Where??
Kate: Uhh...at dinner. We had dinner together one day.. [there were lots of hooting from the audience when she said that!]
Ellen: [still looking shocked] When?? Where?? Are you sure??
Kate: Yes, it was in Hollywood...& I was with some friends that were mutual friends of yours & we were all eating at the same place & decided to get the same table & we ate..
Ellen: So, it was probably one of those long tables where you don't really get to talk to the person right down on there..
Kate: No..I was right across from you.. [huge laughter from the audience while Ellen just looked speechless at this point, defeated!!]
When everything was cleared up, Ellen looking a tad embarrassed for not remembering any of their meeting, they talked about games. Kate, like Ellen, loves to play Poker. She's a big card player, even Monopoly & Risk! You can sense that Kate's a competitive player, like Ellen! So they were challenging each other lightly about playing Poker and that Ellen was not gonna let Kate win! Then they talked about Kate's newborn son, Ryder, who's 5 months old now. FYI, Kate had a C-section and it was 2 months earlier than the due date. Ellen thought that she was staying home taking care of Ryder but no, Kate's actually started working already! And sometimes she'd have Ryder come to the set, so at least she gets to spend some time with her son while she's working, that's great. Ellen showed a big picture of Kate and husband, Chris, with Ryder in Kate's arms, looking oh so cute!! Chris, apparently, has left his band, Black Crowes and has formed his own called, New Earth Mud. He's touring currently. Speaking of touring, both Kate and Ellen were sharing stories of sleeping in a tour bus, which apparently, Kate simply loves to do! At the end of the interview, Ellen gave Kate a surpise - presented her with an outfit for Ryder which looked exactly the same as Chris' outfit from the magazinee, complete with the little sunglasses and adorable shoes AND..a little electric guitar, too!! Oh wow!! That was really cool!! Kate was simply beside herself with joy!! Good going, Ellen! You can catch Kate in action in her latest movie, "Raising Helen" which is out in theatres right now.

Remember Ellen's "Holla Awards" segment? Well, if you remember, the idea was brought to her by 2 kids from Michigan when they wrote Ellen about their "Random Acts of Kindness" activity that they were doing at school and they wanted Ellen to give a shout-out to their gym teacher. Anyway, Ellen introduced the 2 9-year-old kids to the show today!! Trent and Ally!! They were so adorable & very well-composed on TV, which Ellen was very impressed about. The kids are apparently their class' representatives for the "Random Acts of Kindness" activity. Anyway, as a token of appreciation to their work, Ellen gave them bags of goodies which they were overjoyed and excited that they started dancing!! Cute kids!

Julian McMahon from the hit series, "Nip/Tuck," came on. Did you know he's an Aussie?! Wow! Those Aussies can really pass off as Americans with their flawless American accent imitation!! Anyway, he & Ellen had met before - it was at the Golden Globes ceremony. Apparently Julian was a model when he first came to the U.S. 17 years ago.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• No Dirty Car, Please, Nosiree, Bob!:
  "Nothing much is happening, although, I was thinking about yesterday. I got my car washed. I didn't wash it, I wanna specify that 'coz I don't wanna act like I washed my car 'coz I don't mind washing it, I like washing my car except, the top part is too high..'coz I have a...bus..! No, but I had my car washed & what happened yesterday was, all day yesterday here in LA, there was an overcast...just when I wanna wash my car! It was threatening to rain! Threatening...!! So I just thought...My car, I don't even know how my car got so dirty but I don't like to drive a dirty car & it was really dirty! The dirty car, I don't know if you feel the same way..I feel like if someone's in a very dirty car, they look scary. I'm scared of people in a filthy, dirty car.. mainly in LA, not the rest of the country. But the rest of the country has an excuse because the winter's there, or snowy, or, you know, sleet & potholes &...People don't even dig their cars out until June in the other parts of the country! We don't ahve winters like that. We just have winters of people trying to escape their dirty cars & they come here. But what we have..AND I have a black car, which is a challenge to keep clean 'coz the black cars...& here's what I don't understand. The white cars, they say, are the easiest to keep clean. White doesn't show dirt but the black cars show dirt...which I don't understand because..white pants immediately show dirt. White pants are dirty BEFORE you even put them on!! White pants are dirty on the mannequins in the store & that lady doesn't have a head, so...! You can imagine if she had a head, how dirty her pants would be! And then, I'm thinking, well, I like black cars, & white cars, even if they don't show dirt, I thought, well, I could get another colored car becaue now cars come in so many different colors. Here's what the best car, I think, 'coz they do this in the jungle..is khaki.. Khaki cars would be the best color for dirt... AND...now that I'm thinking about this...!! 'Coz I was thinking, khaki would be self-cleaning & there should be a self-cleaning car because...It's the 21st century for crying out loud! They have windshield wipers & the sprayers..we act like that's all fancy but why can't there be a self-cleaning car with the whole entire thing that cleans for you & not just the windshield..are you following me?! Because..& WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE THINKING OF THIS?! It's..AREN'T THERE THINK-TANKS OUT THERE DOING ANYTHING?! IS IT JUST ME THINKING OF THIS STUFF NOW??! I'M STRESSED!!! You know how I relieve stress? I dance!!"
• Guess what? Ellen has been asked to carry the Olympic torch this June!!! Watch out for Ellen with the torch, folks! Several celebs have been asked to carry the torch including Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston..
• Ellen had to share a video clip sent in too late for the now over "How Come You're Not On TV" competition because the little 4-year-old girl was soooooooo very cute singing "Tomorrow" from the Broadway musical, "Annie"!!! Ellen and her crew liked it so much that she decided to change the name of the segment to "How Come You're The Cutest Girl In The World?"!! That was sweet!

Halle Berry came on & the first thing she did was to congratulate Ellen for her Daytime Emmy win! Yay! Ellen really likes Halle very much. Not only is she beautiful but talented too! Ellen was like, "You look so great I don't even know which to comment first! Your hair is long! Is that all your hair?! " Halle's growing her hair for another movie so she called it "movie hair." Then Ellen showed everyone a picture of Halle on People magazine as one of People's 50 Most Beautiful People, not to mention, her 8th year gracing that list!! Halle was a little embarrassed about it and wondered what that really means to be on the list. Aww.. Halle doesn't even know she's gorgeous!! Ellen then asked about her being in the beauty pageant where she was Miss Ohio!! Yup, but unlike a lot of the beauty pageant contestants, Halle did it for fun! Her boyfriend, at that time, without her knowledge, sent in her senior high school picture to the beauty pageant and voila, she got a letter of acceptance in the mail!! Then she thought she'd attend it just for fun, wearing her prom dress. And she won!!! Halle was like, "I did it just for fun! It was a fluke!" Then Ellen asked Halle to show her some cat moves. FYI, while doing "Catwoman," Halle had a coach to teach her how to move like a cat. So, she got up and immediately started showing the really, cool & sexy cat stance, the crawl, which Ellen imitated so well that Halle jokingly said, "Wow, I have to be careful or I'll lose my job!" They did the "purr"ing sounds too which was "purrrr"fect!! "Catwoman" is one of the most highly-anticipated Summer movie of the year. Catch it when it "purrs" its way to the theatres this coming July 23rd!

Morris Day performed "Jungle Love" from his new CD, "It's About Time."

Ellen was very excited to welcome Tom Selleck to the show. Apparently they haven't seen each other since the premiere of "Love Letter" which they co-starred in together. So they reminisced a little about the filming of the movie which was in Rockport, New York, a small town but full of visitors! Then Tom talked about his latest TV movie, "Ike: Countdown to D-Day". He plays Eisenhower in the movie. The film was shot in New Zealand and Tom told Ellen that it was a great change from his last experience in Rockport where he was hounded by curious visitors. In New Zealand, nobody recognized him because of he was in his Eisenhower disguise so he was able to walk around town in peace! But he started missing the attention & one day he was finally recognized by a guy who went up to him to ask if he was really Tom Selleck which of 'coz Tom didn't deny. But his bubble burst when the next thing the guy said was something like, "Wow, I don't know how you let yourself go like that" much to Tom's dismay all because of his Eisenhower disguise! You can catch the movie on A&E coming soon.

Initially, Ellen admitted that she didn't have a big finish for today. But earlier, she read a letter sent to her through the "What is Your Two Cents?" segment from Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada, who suggested that Ellen could have a T-shirt giveaway at the end of the show which is autographed by her guests of that day! And voila! Ellen took that suggestion & made it today's big finish! A lucky winner drawed from the crowd got a T-shirt autographed by Halle Berry, Tom Selleck & Morris Day! COOL!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• It's COOL to be Nice:
  "I woke up this morning. I like to wake up...when I wake up, I like to think about what I enjoy about my life, to start my day off in a positive way. I woke up & I thought, I enjoy going to work & getting this..[referring to the enthusiastic cheers from the audience every time she comes on the show].. How can you not like this every single day?! And that's why I say, 'Back at ya' 'coz I want you to feel the same way, that's how I feel & I thought, d'ya know what else I love? Is that I love giving these Holla Awards lately, you know, which is a shout-out to people who are doing good deeds. They e-mail us, they're telling us that there's someone who deserves a shout-out, the Holla Awards. Sometimes they do it just to get a price, so, although the price is me just going, 'Holla!' But anyway...but I thought that's so nice that people are trying to be nice, that nice is making a comeback, you know. Because it used to be uncool to act nice. Remember the brooding 90's..remember? That was like, 'Look at me. I got a nose-ring on. I'm cranky! Look at my big black boots. It make it easy for me to kick dirt when I'm mad!!' That was the style. For some reason, people think it's cooler to be angry! If you look at the models on the runway...have you seen the models? They're just walking around, looking..'Why does God make me look so ridiculously good-looking? I've never been madder..'!! Models never smile because...they don't eat bread! If you see a model smiling, it's becoz they just had a bagel..! I tell you, if anybody is rude to you, this is what you should say to 'em, 'Why don't you go have some carbs?' They're just mad 'coz they're eating too much protein and no carbs! But I really started thinking about this kinda tough, cool, kinda, 'It's cool to be angry'..That James Dean, I believe he started the whole thing 'coz that tough-look image, 'coz everybody, for a while, was wearing leather jackets, jeans, slid-back hair & smoking all the time & now, when you see a guy like that, he's probably replacing the drummer in 'Sha-Na-Na'!! But uh..smoking...that's another thing. That used to be really cool & now it's not unless..you're in your 20's 'coz they have a 'I don't care' attitude. It makes smoking look healthy & fun like hacky-sacks. But if they keep hacky-sacky smoking, they're gonna be hacky-sacking up! That's right!! That's the thing, it used to be really cool to smoke! You look at movies, when you're growing up, with your families..everybody used to smoke at dinner tables! A lot of things use to be cool until they found out that they were bad for us...like cocktails. That's another thing. If you watch, everybody had a full bar in their living rooms! If you buy a house from the 50's, there's always a bar right in the living room, all built-in! Everybody drank all the time. Everybody on television. If you watch 'Bewitched,' every single time Darren walked in the room, Samantha handed him a drink...both Darrens, both of them! There were a lot of drinking going on that she didn't even notice she had 2 different husbands, I tell you that!! Everybody drank all the time. You watch television - it was just like, Bloody Marys in the morning, Martinis at lunch, a High Ball when you come home from work, wine with dinner, brandy for dessert & of 'coz bedtime..Schnobs!! Nobody thought twice about it! Nobody thought anything was wrong drinking that much! Ohh..how I long for the old days..!! That stupid Surgeon General!! What's HE talking about?! Anyway, the point is, it should be cool to be nice. That's what I hope comes back around 'coz..cool is being yourself. You can always spot people who think they're cool & I tell you something right now, if you think you're cool...you're probably not! I mean, like me, for instance, I KNOW I'm not cool, so..[then in a whisper] obviously I am!! It's like dancing..I KNOW I'm not good at dancing, so...I must be..!!"
• In the "What's Your 2 Cents" segment, someone wrote to Ellen suggesting that she showed off all the gifts she's received from her fans so far. So she did!! Yup, there's "Ellen DeGallery" now - a gallery of great gifts that fans from all over sent her. Most of them are really artistic, really cool, really funny - ranging from paintings to rugs to cakes! Gee-leweez!!

Cameron Diaz came out dancing her way toward Ellen who started dancing with her! Then she gave the host a big bear hug! The first thing Cameron said to the audience right after hugging Ellen was, "She smells really good besides looking very good"!! Ellen was slightly embarrassed and quickly uttered, "You smell nice too.." Cameron was like, "Really?! I beg to differ!" Ellen commented on Cameron's really cute outfit - "It's summery yet winter fabric," observed Ellen. It was a green Scottish tarten.. Anyway.. Ellen went right to the success of "Shrek 2" and raved about how great the movie is 'coz rarely sequels are better than the 1st ones, which is so true. Instead of talking about her role in "Shrek 2," Cameron kept on raving about the "true" actors in the movie - the incredibly talented animators who made all that happened while Cameron only did a small part, she said, just the voice. She & Ellen of 'coz compared notes since Ellen worked on "Finding Nemo" which basically was the same thing she did like Cameron. They both really enjoyed being a part of such a magical experience - the animation world! Ellen then surprised Cameron with the "Fiona" doll which Cameron admitted she'd yet to see! And guess what Cameron did when she took the doll? She immediately looked underneath "Fiona"'s outfit, then said, "Yup, it's her"!! That was so funny! And Ellen did the same too when she took back the doll!! Then they talked about what a great message "Shrek 2" brings to not just kids but to, as Cameron so rightly put it, "all mankind," because it's about loving yourself, accepting yourself & love and accept others..this was how Cameron summed up the message behind "Shrek 2" -

"It's so timely, talking about loving yourself, loving & accepting others for who they are, loving & accepting yourself. That's how happiness begins. You don't need anything outside of that. You can't buy anything I own & I can't buy anything you own that makes me happier. You can't be happier unless you're happy with yourself especially how obsessed we are with materialism in this country. We're really hurting ourselves. We're really digging ourselves a hole."

How appropriately put & so true! Way da go, Cameron!! Ellen totally echoed that. And then Cameron mentioned about Ellen's monologue when she talked about nice being cool & so totally true about how people think they're cool & they usually aren't! Then Ellen asked her, "You think I'm cool?" And Cameron leaned back, flicked her banks, looked directly at Ellen & said, "Ellen, you KNOW I think you're cool.."!! Loud cheers from the crowd!! And Ellen, looking a little uneasy, uttered somewhat meekly, "I think you're cool too.." & Cameron immediately caught her on that, exclaiming, "Oh, that was really sincere..!!" The whole audience just erupted with laughter while Cameron just laughed so hard holding Ellen hands.. Then Ellen turned to Cameron & uttered defensively, "You KNOW I think you're cool!" It was really funny 'coz I thought Cameron really "got" Ellen on that remark!!! For those of us who haven't seen "Shrek 2" yet, there's apparently a clip where a picture of Justin Timberlake was hanging in "Fiona"'s room! Cameron told Ellen that it was a surprise for her. She didn't know that while doing "Shrek 2" until she saw the movie last month! And get this, when the animators of "Shrek 2" included a picture of Justin Timberlake (in the movie, he's referred to as "Sir Justin"), Cameron and JT were yet to be an item...talk about fate which Cameron & Ellen both agreed! Wow! Speaking of JT, we all know how much Ellen likes that guy so naturally she was talking about him with Cameron. Cameron revealed to Ellen that she only talks about her relationship with Justin with Ellen because of her affection toward him. Apparently, Cameron never even laid eyes on JT when he was still an N-Sync member. She never met or thought about going out with JT until the 1st time they actually met at the Nickelodeon awards show! So the whole interview turned into what Cameron called, "The whole Justin segment"!! And then they had to go to a commercial break again which neither one of them could believe because they just went to break moments ago! Then Ellen cheekily said to Cameron right before they went to a break, "Aw, and I was just gonna ask how good he is in bed!" Cameron almost flipped off of her chair in fits of laughter!! The audience just erupted again! It was absolutely hilarious!

Ellen told Cameron that she'd like to make her dream come true & mentioned that she did that for Sean Hayes the other day when he did the whole agility test thing. So Cameron told her what she'd always liked to do - is to make cotton candy!! Voila, the cotton candy machine was wheeled out and both Cameron & Ellen started doing some big cotton candy! That bubbly actor even gave some to the audience! How sweet! And of 'coz she started eating it herself!! They seemed to have a whole lot of fun! Cool!

Pop/rock sensation, Avril Lavigne, first performed a single from her latest CD, "Under My Skin." Then for the big finish, she performed her classic hit, "Sk8er Boi."

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• The Thing About Oversleeping & Napping:
  "This morning, I couldn't wake up! Nothing...usually I can get up no matter what, no matter what the night before was. But I was tired. We had a big weekend, the show won 'The Best Talk Show', we got an Emmy...[Ellen's announcement was welcomed by thunderous cheers from the audience] So anyway, so I was tired..'coz it was a big weekend. But usually, no matter what, I'd wake up! I'd wake up at 7 o'clock..clockwork. You know how people say that you have a clock built-in? I have a built-in clock... actually, a clock radio! So, usually I wake up in the morning, singing Outkast...Usher's 'Yeah, Yeah, Yeah'..like that! But I woke up late so I get to work later than.. Then someone said, 'Did you oversleep?' I don't understand..I resent that, I don't even know what it means! How can you possibly oversleep?! I slept until I needed to sleep & then I got up! How can you oversleep?! You can sleep over..but you can't oversleep..if your mom says you can't..! But I don't think you can oversleep. I don't think you can be overpaid. I think you can be underpaid & I think you can wear underpants..! But I think...you can be paid under the table.. One time I was underpaid for a job that I worked at over the summer. I was overworked... & overqualified!! And I was under a lot of pressure to work overtime & that's an understatement! But now, I'm over it. And you can overthink things but I don't think you can oversleep..! That's my point! Yes, I'm still on that! No one will say to a kid, 'Oh, you overslept'. It's like they encourage kids to sleep! When you're a kid they can't get you to sleep enough..'Don't you wanna take a nap?'! Napping is the most important thing in the world & then as an adult, you're lazy if you take a nap! They say that it's good for you if you take a nap. That Rockefella fella took a nap for half an hour every single day! But anyway, so I'd like to take a nap but I can't take a nap. I don't know why but I can't take a nap! I can take a nip, but I can't take a nap..! 'Coz I'm scared that I'm gonna miss something so no matter how tired I am, I gotta always look around, you know. And napping actually..you know how in LA, there's a coach for everybody. There's a personal trainer, there's a nutritionist...I believe we should have a napping coach because people need to take a nap...& he'll spoon ya, you know..! But I realize that my lack of ability to take a nap cause me to sleep longer but I think that's a good thing 'coz I need energy...to..dance..!"
• Ellen went right ahead to looky-loo the Daytime Emmy Awards where her show got an Emmy!! Yup, it showed Jane Pauley announcing "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and the camera immediately panned to Ellen showing her shocked reaction, & then the rest of the production staff running towards the stage! And then Ellen pointed out the typo on the screen when the Awards show misspelled the show as, "The Ellen DeGreneres Show"!!! Jeez, what a sloppy mistake, eh? Ellen then exclaimed, "We didn't win after all," then said, "Maybe we should change it to "The Ellen DeGreneres Show" then!" It was a fun night for Ellen & Co., obviously, as Ellen told everyone.
• Remember Ellen's 10 pairs of tennis shoes being auctioned off on eBay? Well, the auction closes tomorrow. The bid is at $4,800 right now. She urged people to check it out because all the proceeds from the auction will go to The Amanda Foundation , which is a no-kill animal foundation that she actively supports.
• Ellen then introduced the "Oh, Yes You Can!" lucky woman from St. Louis, Missouri. She got to drive a monster truck at the back of the studio!! Yup, she crushed a couple of vacuum cleaners & some empty cardboard boxes!! Yahoo!! Ellen made another person's dream come true! Yay! Good for ya, Ellen!!

Antonio Banderas came on and gave Ellen his usual European welcome - a kiss on her hand & 2 cheek smooches! They actually didn't meet officially before so this was their 1st official meeting! Previously, they'd seen each other on the red carpet events but only managed to nod at each other (like how all the celebrities in Hollywood do, apparently!). Then Ellen brought up the explosive opening weekend of "Shrek 2" which Antonio co-starred in, playing the voice of "Puss-In-Boots". Yup, the movie grossed over $104 million nationwide over the 3-day weekend, breaking the record of "Finding Nemo"!!! Wow!! Antonio wasn't very comfortable in talking about the whole money thing 'coz he'd much rather talk about how great the movie was but Ellen was like, "But $104 million?! " And Antonio remarked, "Yeah, doesn't hurt!" Ellen found out that Antonio just celebrated his 8th wedding anniversary with Melanie Griffith. They celebrated it in Cannes while he was promoting "Shrek 2" at the Cannes Film Festival. Hmm..killing 2 birds with one stone in the French Riviera sure ain't bad, eh? Romantic! Then Ellen went on to talk about the paparazzi in Cannes and how Antonio's handling it. He admitted that the whole paparazzi chaos was really bad for him and Melanie especially during their 1st 2 years of marriage. He shared some horror stories about their run-in with the paparazzi, e.g. his garbage was always stolen, it got so bad that when Melanie was pregnant and wanted to go out, they had to have her climb over a tall fence to their neighbor's to do that 'coz they knew that the paparazzi was camping outside their house, trying to get a pic or two of the then-pregnant Melanie!! But now, they're used to the craze. Now, they just go with the flow & not having to run away anymore. Ellen expressed that she had some horrible run-ins with the paparazzi before as well but didn't elaborate on it. Then she talked about how multi-talented Antonio is, raving about his performance in "Philadelphia" his Broadway performance and his wonderful voice and great dance skills. So of 'coz she took the opportunity to have Antonio teach her some dance moves that he usually dances - Spanish tango (I think!). It was so funny 'coz as you know, the salsa moves are pretty intimate! Antonio was laughing so hard when he had to place Ellen really close to him while showing the moves!! It was funny!

Alanis Morissette performed her latest single, "Everything", from her new CD, "So-Called Chaos." Then she sat down with Ellen to have a little chat. Did you know that Alanis & Ellen are pretty close friends? Boy, they were enjoying each other's company very much, getting gigglish & all! Ellen of 'coz asked about Alanis' short hairdo ('coz if you remember, Alanis had always had very long hair & she'd had that all her life!) and what made her finally take the plunge to cut her hair. Ellen showed a clip where Alanis was at Ellen's house and Ellen was trying to convince her to have a hair cut to no avail!! Ellen did cut just a teensy weensy bit of Alanis' hair but couldn't do anymore 'coz poor Alanis started squealing! Then, after showing the clip, to Alanis' horror, Ellen presented her with a bit of hair taped together saying that it was from that time when Ellen cut it while Alanis was at her house! Alanis just couldn't believe her eyes & kept exclaiming, "You're sick!" But it turned out that the bit of hair wasn't hers after all, much to her relief! But it was funny to see Alanis' shocked face when she thought that it was hers!! Eeewww!!! So back to cutting her hair, well, Alanis revealed that she finally took the plunge last year when she went on tour in Europe and then she couldn't stop! She kept cutting her hair shorter & shorter but finally it was enough for her 'coz it was making her feel sick at how short her hair was! But the whole haircut, to Alanis, was a very traumatic experience 'coz she always had very long hair all her life. Did you know that it used to take her 4 hours to dry her hair?! My gosh!! Then Ellen revealed that Alanis got a brand new dog & Alanis started laughing 'coz apparently, her dog pee-ed in Ellen's dressing room!! Not only that, he even pee-ed on Ellen's make-up person's make-up bag!! Poor make-up person!!

The big finish today was another performance by Alanis who sang one of her old hit songs, "Ironic."

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Feeling hot, hot, H-O-T..& SPICY!!:
  "Maybe some of you may relate to this. I went to dinner at someone's house last night & the whole meal was all spicy food! Everything that they served was spicy...just assuming...'coz they like spicy! You know, there are some people who don't like spicy. I don't like spicy..I can't eat spicy & that was....the whole thing was prepared without even checking with me & I'm like, 'I can't have spicy' & they were like, 'Ohh, it's not spicy. It's just deep fried jalapeñas with tabaco sauce. It's not that bad. It's not that spicy..'!! 'No, I can't have it, you don't understand..' So I felt really bad but I couldn't eat anything there & I started thinking, I'm not really a picky eater. There are people who're picky eaters. I'm not a picky eater. I like...most food. It's pretty easy to please me..! I don't like vegetables, I've said that before & I don't like cooked fruit. I don't know what that's about, you know. Just have it, don't cook it! I don't like candy..I like butter scotch, that's candy & I like butter & I like scotch! But I don't like most candy at all. Candy bars, I don't like, but I like bars...& uh..'coz I like alcohol but I don't like whisky sours & they're just...I don't understand... but, although, I like sour cream, that's weird! And I L-O-V-E fajitas with the sour cream & the guacamole & I love chips & salsa..if it's not spicy! I like mild salsa....& a good cold Tacada beer, you know, the Mexican beer...yeah..ahhhh.. but it's gotta be cold, I don't like warm beer at all & I don't like teddy bears..& I hate warm teddy bears..but I like the Cubs..! I'm kidding! I don't like 'em. I'm not sure about 'em...I just said it so I'm lying! And I don't like liars. But I like lying down & I like down jackets, but I don't like yellow jackets, the wasp, not the jacket, the color. I like yellow & I L-O-V-E The Color Purple, the book, not the color..! And I love The Color of Money, that movie, 'coz Paul Newman was in it & I L-O-V-E his salad dressing 'coz it's not spicy! I don't like spicy...& d'ya know what else I don't like? People who talk too much!! Let's dance!!"
• The winner of the "How Come You're Not On TV" segment, Austin Garrant, the 8-year-old drummer boy, came on & played "Wipe Out" to a cheering crowd! Man, he was GOOD!! By the end of his performance, he had a standing ovation from the obviously impressed audience including Ellen!! Believe it or not, he started playing drums when he was 3!! And he even plays the piano! What a talent!
• Ellen made another lucky person's dream come true again today! Yup, this time it's gonna be a woman from St. Louis, Missouri who's always dreamt of driving a monster truck!!! So Ellen called her up, totally shocking the lucky one!! But as usual, Ellen had a hard time dialing the number! It was so funny when the 1st time she did it, she got the error tone!! Anyway, this woman will be on the show tomorrow!! We'll see what Ellen has in store for her regarding the monster truck, eh?

Sean Hayes visited Ellen again!! Guess what, Ellen made his dream come true, too!! Apparently he's always wanted to perform an agility test (the ones that dogs do) & he got his wish!! So they went to the back of the studio to do that - a dog did it first with 18 seconds & then it was Sean's turn. That poor guy had to climb up & down, zig & zag all over to get through the obstacles...! It was just hilarious to watch! Well, obviously the four-legged animal won, hands down! Sean got 44 seconds!! But still, his wish came true! As "Will & Grace" is on hiatus all throughout the Summer, Sean and his long-time college friend will be producing 2 programs for Bravo. They haven't officially been picked up yet but he feels pretty confident & both are reality shows. One of them is called "Under-Exposed" where 2 filmmakers compete with only $2K and 2 days given to them to finishing filming a short!! And the other one is called "The Pilot Season" where writers across America will be competing for the best sitcom writing and will be judged by America! Very interesting indeed! Sean also told Ellen that he's building a house from scratch for his mom in Chicago. How sweet!!

Jake Gyllenhaal came on and Ellen immediately asked him about his current status as Hollywood's "It" boy!! Jake was pretty coy about it. Then Ellen had to ask him about his unusual last name! It's actually Swedish and when Ellen asked Jake what it meant, he was giving so many different explanations that Ellen asked facetiously, " Are you just making stuff up now?!" Jake's apparently been in showbiz for a long time. Ellen reminded everyone that he was actually in "City Slickers"! Wow! He was only a little kid, then! Then Ellen showed everyone a picture of Jake's dog which he rescued & a picture of Kirsten's cute little kitten which he got her for her birthday!! Ain't he adorable?! But the best picture was one that showed the little kitten holding on to the dog's legs with literally its whole body!! It was so cute!! Then they talked briefly about Jake's new movie, "The Day After Tomorrow" which is a disaster flick about the catastrophic effects of global warming, if not dealt with. It's opening on Memorial Weekend, this Friday.

The big finish today was an encore performance of "Wipe Out" by little Arthur Garrant!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Our Relationship So Far..:
  "I can't thank you enough. I can't wait to go to work. I woke up this morning & I thought, I can't wait to go to work! It's a good feeling & I can't help thinking about our relationship, which is what it is..it's a relationship now, you know, you & I. I feel that it's serious. You've met my mother, so that's important. I like it. I think it's a good relationship. I know it's a one-sided relationship because I'm doing all the talking but..nobody ever said life's fair, you know! That's why we have bouncers! But I make you laugh & that's important, & you make me laugh sometimes, you..kooky kooks! It's fun, you know! But it's been 9 months, that's all. So we're still in a honeymoon period. Remember that, ok? You see how happy you are & clapping..'coz it's still so fresh & new, you know, because all the things that you do that annoy me, I still find cute, you know...like, when you change the channel when I'm talking, you know, start vacuuming during the show..I'm not gonna like it later! It's great right now & I'm bathing in this happiness & the glory but we're gonna get to the part where we're gonna take each other for granted & we're gonna get bored & we'll discover new things that we didn't know about each other...like, 'You don't like paint-balling?! WHO ARE YOU??!', you know. There are ups & downs in relationships but it's important to remember what we have in common that brought us together in the 1st place..& that's TV! Because you watch it..& I'm on it! And we have Tony in common. But it's true. We can look at differences but we all have things in common, like, we all like to have fun. We all like to wear underwear inside out 'coz the tags irritate our skin. But we're bound to have difference, you know, like, I say 'tomayto', you say, ' tomato' but let's not call the whole thing off, you know! But I don't like when I hear....people are so judgmental. There are people that are so quick to judge & we're not like that, you & I. That's why I like you! 'Coz it's easy to see things black & white... especially when you have an old TV! But there are grey areas, you know. You always have to remember there are grea areas & I like grey areas. That's why I live in LA - with the grey air! Someone asked me the other day, 'Really, seriously, Ellen, what do we have in common?' Well, I guess I have to quote Dolly Parton, who was here yesterday, 'We're islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between..' or even Sister Sledge who said, 'We are family' & of 'coz there's Hanson's 'Mmmbop, doo be doop doop, mmmbop, wooo, mmmbop, doo be doop doop, mmmbop'...!"
• Ellen announced that her 10 pairs of tennis shoes are now available for bidding on eBay. These are the shoes that she's worn on the show, some only once. All the proceeds of the auction will be donated to the Amanda Foundation, which is a no-kill animal foundation which Ellen is very involved in. So, if you're interested in collecting Ellen's stuff, log on to the show's website and find out how you can bid on them shoes, eh? FYI, the auction only lasts 7 days and it's started since noon yesterday.

Glenn Close came on immediately after Ellen showed a clip of the classic thriller, "Fatal Attraction" which earned Glenn multiple awards/nominations and critical reviews for her bone-chillingly excellent performance as Michael Douglas' one-night-stand turned psychopath! So Ellen had a scared look on her and immediately asked Glenn about the whole experience, if she actually gets scared when she sees herself in that role on-screen. Glenn revealed that she did so much research on the role, she was practically embedded in the whole psyche of the character! That made Ellen even more scared of Glenn! And Glenn jokingly said, "Yeah, I don't get many dates!" She revealed that the original ending wasn't supposed to be the one that we all watched in the theatres. Apparently, her character was supposed to kill herself with the knife that had Michael's fingerprints on it! But when it was test screened, the viewers hated it so much 'coz they wanted to see Michael's character have some kind of hope with his family. So Glenn was called back months later to re-shoot the ending where her character was turned into a psychopath who got blasted off in the end!! That was a major turn for Hollywood because it was the 1st time that Hollywood took the results of a test-screen & turned a movie around 180 degrees. But Glenn's one of Ellen's favorite actors 'coz...hey, who doesn't love Glenn's incredible acting talents, eh? Anyway, Ellen just found out that Glenn's role in one of her all-time favorite movies, "The World According To Garp", was actually her film debut! Wow!! And remember the 80's classic drama, "The Big Chill"? That was only Glenn's 2nd movie! Boy, she sure didn't look like she only did 2 movies then 'coz well, her performance was magnificent & has been, in all the movies she's been in! Then they talked about something which Ellen was very envious about - Glenn's a huge animal lover so a few years back she took her daughter, who was 12 then, to Africa for a safari park riding! Yup, it was a horseback-riding Safari trip! And Glenn was describing how dangerous it was because the flesh-eating animals were roaming about freely while they were all on horseback! The scariest moment happened when she found out that one of the lionesses was chasing after her daughter's horse!! Of 'coz her daughter was scared to death and cried. Boy, talk about walking on the thin line of life & death!! It was an experience that Glenn will never forget for the rest of her life - and it was her birthday, then, too! But when she was talking about the whole Safari trip, Ellen was sitting and listening so intently, like she was absorbed into the story & nothing else mattered! You can see Glenn in action in the upcoming Showtime movie, "Lion In Winter" premiering on May 23rd and also the remake of the black comedy, "The Stepford Wives" which opens on June 11th.

Andy Richter came on and talked about his recent vacation in Mexico with his family. He was talking about how weird it was to find oh so many people selling all sorts of things on the beach including drugs?! Boy oh boy! But he had a good time. He has a new sitcom on Fox, "The Quintuplets" where he plays a father to 15-year-old quintuplets!! Well, good luck, Richter! Anyway, did you know that Andy was a prom king in high school?! Wow!

A performance by soul singer, Angie Stone, was today's big finish.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Work-Out Blues:
  In the opening today, instead of the usual routine where you see Ellen doing something when the wall slid open, she was seen playing cards with her crew in her room backstage! Yup, so, in a pretend-surprise gesture when the camera was on her, she quickly ran out of the room, realizing that she's late to her opening..& boy, was the room FAR from the main stage! Ellen had to run fast and finally reached the stage to a loud, cheering crowd! Phew, good safe, Ellen! Poor thing - she was panting! Well, good exercise, eh? "I got to work out. I got to run here...! I keep saying to myself, I gotta work out. It's been 2 months since I worked out & I just don't have the time...which is odd because I have time to go out to dinner..& watch TV..! I don't have any excuse. I hear people getting up at, like, 4 in the morning & working out! I'm like, how d'ya do that?! How do you wake up & work out?! That's amazing! I have no excuse because I have a gym at home, even! I have a little...I have a treadmill & then one of those things to squeeze & uh..! Ok, I'm set! I think, ok, maybe I'll go to a gym, maybe that'll force me 'coz you're around people & you have to work out 'coz you can't stand around & not work out if you're at a gym! But then, you'll need the outfit, you know. At home I can work out in my pajamas & anything, navy blue jacket, but..At a gym, you gotta have, you know, the nice spandex outfit....which is on layaway.. I haven't picked it up yet..!! Then you wanna be in good shape when you go to the gym 'coz you're wearing all the little outfits to show off your muscles & so I gotta work out BEFORE I even go to the gym...To get in shape for that & then the magazines are making me feel really bad, lately! I try not to look at them but every single magazine is, get in shape for the summer! ' Get your body ready for your swimsuit' & 'Get the right bikini for you'...! Aww, man, that's a lot of pressure!! And then they tell you which bathing suit can look best for your body type! They show you, full-figured,..which is a size 6..! Which one's gonna be best for you. They have everything. They have full-figured, curvy..which is a size 4!! And then size 2...which is...hungry!! I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size 0, which I didn't even know that they had!! It must stand for, 'Ohhh...you're thin'!!!! I like that they have on the labels now, like, they have the USA - size 10, and they have Canada, they've all the different countries because in Russia..I'm a size 4!! I like it! "
• Good news! Ellen's Jacob bling-bling watch on eBay has just been sold for $26,100!!!! WOW!! So the whole proceeds are gonna be sent to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation!! Bravo!! The eBay thing is working so well that Ellen couldn't help but put 10 pairs of her tennis shoes up for auction on eBay!! This time, all proceeds will go to the Amanda Foundation, which is a No Kill Animal Foundation which Ellen actively supports! So, anyone interested should log on to the show's official website and check it out.

The legendary, larger-than-life singer/songwriter, Dolly Parton, came on, looking as FABULOUS as ever!!! Boy, the 7-time Grammy Award winner is 58 already...& she looks incredible! Unbelievable!! Anyway, when she put on the mic, Dolly immediatley told Ellen that she just popped her top (the top of her blouse got undone) but it was fine, no malfunction there! Then Ellen brought up the time when Dolly said something hilarious, "You had a hilarious line the other day when you said that you're not gonna have a wardrobe malfunction because?" Dolly cheekily said, "I said, probably because I'd take out the 1st 3 rows!!!" The audience just erupted! And then she said, "But if there was ever a malfunction, you'll not see a nipple ring. You'll see a hoola hoop! "!! And man, that brought the house down - everyone burst out in fits of laughter!! Boy, Dolly is really a funny & hilarious person!!

Then Ellen asked how Dolly gets to always look so incredible, like what's the secret! But southern belle just said "A lot of good doctors..Lots of make-up.."!! Hilarious! Seriously, Dolly admitted that she doesn't work out much. But she lost a lot of weight because she changed how she ate. She told everyone that she gained a lot of weight when she was 38 to 45 years old because, "I'm a big ol' hog! I love all the food, I'm from the South, so...Now I just eat small portions & I've gotten it under control." So, folks, everything in moderation - that's the key!! No need to slave on the Atkins' Diet or Low Carb diet or whatever, eh? Look at Dolly!! Anyway, Dolly sees herself as, like a show dog or a show horse 'coz she's in showbiz, so she's a public figure. That's why she needs to make sure that she always look presentable. But guess where she got the inspiration to look like how she does - apparently, when she was a girl, and went to town one day (she didn't get to go to town often 'coz she grew up in the mountains!), she saw this woman, whom the townsfolk branded as "trash, whore", but Dolly thought she was the most beautiful thing she ever saw & told herself that's exactly what she wanted to look like when she grew up! "That's what I wanted to be! I wanted to grow up to look just like her! A trash!" She's funny!! And guess what, Dolly sleeps with her make-up on!! Yeah, her reason is, especially in LA where we get the earthquakes, it's just natural that she leaves her make-up on when she goes to bed, with a pair of high heels by her bedside 'coz who knows, if there's an earthquake in the middle of the night, she'd be all ready to go out!! That was hilarious when she said that! Then Dolly shared her 1st earthquake experience with everyone - "When it happened, I thought it was the end of time, doom's day!!! So I started praying for forgiveness for all the bad things that I'd done!" Gosh, Dolly's a funny lady, man!!

Don't know if you're aware but Dolly has written over 3,000 songs throughout her career!! Talk about a commitment to writing her own songs!! Then Ellen introduced the first lucky winner of the show's "dreamweaver" segment, "Oh, Yes You Can!" - Margie Ann Spearman from Georgia - who'd be performing with one of her favorite country singers, Dolly Parton!! Wow, how cool was that?! Ellen then called Dolly out again to sit down and have a little chat with Margie - boy, those 2 started talking like they knew each other forever, while Ellen just sat there, watching them with great interest!

Jon Favreau came on. He's a talented guy. He was the one who wrote and directed the indie hit, "Swingers". He also directed "Elf", which Ellen didn't even know! He has a show on the IFC (Independent Film Channel) called, "Dinner for Five." It's sorta like a talk show but the invited guests eat dinner with him and talk about anything that comes to mind throughout the dinner. Ellen expressed that she wouldn't be able to do that 'coz she can't eat and talk at the same time. Recent celebs that stopped by & had dinner with Jon on the show were Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Kevin Smith.. Jon announced that he's in the process of directing a movie and offered to take a look at the resume of the Riff-Raffer who got the luxury box seat!! Yup, the Riff-Raffer, earlier on, told Ellen that she's currently unemployed but she used to do production work behind-the-scenes. So, imagine her surprise and delight when Jon actually turned to her and told her to give him her resume - perhaps she could work in the movie he's directing!! Wow, how about that, eh?! How cool is this guy?! Way da go, Jon!!

The big finish today was a dream come true for Margie!! Yup, she got to perform "9 to 5" with her idol, Dolly Parton, & Ellen!! Dolly brought country jackets for Margie & Ellen to wear when they performed! How about that, eh? Today was indeed a fun show!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• There's A Leak!:
  "Everything's ok. No need to panic. But last night, there was a leak in the studio...not the vegetable..! But it was the sprinkler system..it was the fire system leak.. I believe it was because of the big finish we had yesterday. That's how hot our big finishes are! H-H-O-T-T!! We cleared it out but I almost had to wear capri pants..which come in handy for that! So now there was a big mess & so we had to call our landlord..Mr. Roper..! Water everywhere, I tell ya.. You don't want to have a leak. At first I thought, well, you know what, maybe there was a natural spring under the studio..& I can have my own bottled water! And I'd call it 'Replenish'.. & the slogan, 'Replenish with Ellenish'..you know, 'coz it's catchy.. And so anyway, here's the thing - if you have a leak in the house, it is not an easy thing to fix because you can't just go, you know, 'I'll just take care of that later' because if something is broken, you can just leave it usually but if there's water on the ground, that's not the beginning of it. That's...oh nnooo..that's started a long time ago! It's usually pooled until it collapses! Pooled 'til collapse...PTC...the technical term...And get ready to sheet-rock.. or.. G..R..T..S..R..which is...the...technical term.. But what you do when you get a leak, you locate it & you finally realize that it's from up there & you put the bucket down, thinking that you've solved it. But a few minutes later...here's the thing..another drip a few feet away & before you know it's like a...because they travel..They're traveling leaks..they're on a visa, you know..! And then you have more drops everywhere! Here's the thing with the problem with the leak, is you have to call a plumber. And in an emergency, they're v-e-r-y reasonably priced..! I swear, I don't know what it is but anytime I call for a plumber it always happens to be overtime!! You can call them in the middle of the week at 9 a.m...'Sorry, lady, it's a time & a half Tuesday '!! Don't let them take advantage of you. And if I can help you out here..just throw in some technical terms... 'I've got a PTC. GRTSR ASAP!' & then they won't take advantage of you..!"
• Ok, the results of the "How Come You're Not On TV" contest is in! The winner is....the 8-year-old drummer boy!! Yay!! Yup, he's going to come on the show this coming Monday. How about that, huh?
• Today's the 1st day of the new segment, "Oh Yes, You Can!" where Ellen tries to make people's dreams come true! The 1st lucky person is from Georgia. Her dream is to be a back-up singer of a country singer. Whaddya know, she got her wish! Since the legendary Dolly Parton's gonna be on the show tomorrow, Ellen thought it'd be a great idea to fly the lucky woman to LA to sing with Dolly on the show! Wow, ain't that great?! So hurry, folks, if you want your dream to come true & feel lucky that you're gonna get picked, log on to the show's official website and send in your dream/fantasy now!! Good luck!

Simon Cowell came on and immediately, Ellen tackled him about the latest controversial result of the "American Idol" vote that got LaToya London booted off. Simon made a good point, though. Yes, of 'coz, ideally, the person who has the greatest performance and has the best voice should stay in the competition. However, it's not about that, not in the music industry these days. It all comes down to a popularity contest. Who's more popular, who's prettier, who's hunkier, who has more personality...That's reality. These are the things that have shaped the pop culture all this while. So, Simon wasn't really surprised that LaToya got voted off. Right now, anything can happen to the "American Idol" final.

Ellen did another one of her "field research" projects again! Yup, this time, she went to the L.A. Farmer's Market & caused quite a ruckus with the sellers and shoppers there! Gosh, the things she did - spontaneously hilarious, man!! She even got a group of tourists from Finland to sing some song in Finnish as a "big finish" to her field work segment! Classic Ellen! Yes, Ellen should do more "field research" 'coz she's just so naturally funny when talking to people in public places just about anything she can think of, and not to mention all the funny antics that's she's so famous for! Kudos to you, Ellen! Keep "field research" in, I say!!

Jorja Fox, from the ultra popular drama series, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation", came on and gave Ellen a bear hug! She even brought Ellen a present, too! Aww, how sweet! Yup, it turned out to be something educational - a CD about learning French....of 'coz, since Ellen's is soooo terribly good at it, right? Remember the time when she tried to read French & speak it but, pardon my French, sucked at it? Even Ellen herself admitted that she's lousy at languages. So, Jorja, being a kind, helpful friend, thought she'd give Ellen a CD so she could learn how to speak it! So, both of them were trying to roll their tongues, trying to say "r" the French way...alas, neither succeeded! They sounded like they were hissing at each other! It was so funny! Apparently she and Ellen hadn't seen each other in a long while before today. Jorja immediately brought up the 1st time she met Ellen. It was 8-9 years ago when she first moved to LA from NYC. Through some mutual friends of hers, Jorja attended Ellen's birthday party!! Yup, it was there that they met and got to know each other. Remember her cameo appearance on Ellen's old sitcom, "Ellen" in the famous Puppy Episode? Well.. Anyway, they talked about Jorja moving into her new house in Hollywood. But poor thing, she's sleeping in her kitchen on an air mattress with her dog!! Yup, the rest of her house is apparently having work done, so.. Ellen just looked at her oddly when she mentioned that 'coz..I mean, only the kitchen is left out?! What does that mean?! Well, what to do when you've outstayed your welcome, sleeping in your friend's couch all this while, huh! That's what she told Ellen. I guess Jorja will just have to bite the bullet and wait until at least her bedroom is done..which, when the construction people tell you it'll be done tomorrow, it's gonna take forever! Good luck, Jorja!! Too bad the interview with Jorja barely lasted 5 minutes 'coz it was toward the end of the show! They didn't get to talk enough! Oh well...

The big finish today was a clip of Houston accompanying the lucky woman from Georgia to the airport - destination LA!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Vim vs. Vigor..Laziness vs. Stillness:
  "I feel great today! I feel like I'm full of vim & vigor...'coz vigor, I've had it before, I've been full of it. But vim...'coz I didn't know what it was, I'm not sure what it is! I think what it was...was a lovely weekend for me. So relaxing, I was gardening, which is what I do every weekend..I garden, & I think there's a lot of vim in there 'coz I realize, that's what I do. Everybody relaxes on the weekend. I work all week and when I go home, my way of relaxing is being in the garden and working 'coz I'm not good at being still. I don't know how to sit still and I don't understand people who do nothing and just sit still! I'd like to because I'd like to try to understand 'coz I'd try to be able to sit still but...I can't! So someone gave me a book called, 'The Art of Doing Nothing.' I sat down and about a paragraph into it I had to get up and do something! And it made me antsy just reading that book! And I thought, if this guy is really good at doing nothing, there wouldn't be a book! So, anyway, I'm thinking about getting a hammock 'coz I think, it must be relaxing just laying there. I keep thinking about it! But knowing me, I'd probably get in the hammock, look up & go, that tree needs trimming! I used to think that people who could do nothing were lazy. But now I'm just jealous of them. Now, I think there's a difference between being still & being lazy 'coz everybody's lazy about something. I'm lazy about, like, I don't like to do the dishes at all, I hate doing the dishes & I hate cleaning the cat litter box, that's my least favorite thing to do. But I do it, you know. 'Coz lazy people, they just leave the dishes in the sink for, like, a week or so & not do anything about it. That, to me, is the difference. And also, there are people who bring their laziness to work & I mean, we have a lot of hardworkers. I love it when people work hard. But there are a lot of lazy workers, too. Like, if you've been to the Customer Service counter, you'd know what I'm talking about! Aww, man!!!! It's Customer Service! That's your title! You're supposed to serve the customer! You're supposed to help! You're supposed to be a people person! You're in the industry to work with people, and be with people, & help in any way. The Customer Service counter, notice this next time, they're always right inside the back door! It's like, they've just got to work & sat down. They could barely make it in & someone just built a booth around them!! That's all, it's as far as they could get! Laziness, to me, is a vicious cycle. You gotta expend energy to get energy. You gotta vim to get the vigor. Vim will get you vigor. And then before you know it, you're full of vim & vigor! And now, I realize, I know what vim is! Here's another way to get vim & vigor - dance!!"
• Ellen did the Riff-Raffle and got another lucky Riff-Raffer to sit in the luxury box today! This time, it's even more special! There was a menu for the Riff-Raffer to order from - it's like Ellen & Co. brought the restaurant full service to the luxury box!! How cool was that!! You go, grrrl!!!! And also, because there were only 8-9 people left in the Riff-Raff Room, Ellen, again, invited all of them to the main stage to sit right in front!! Fantabulouso!! But today, one of the Riff-Raffers, who obviously was a HUGE (& I mean HUGE, with a capital 'H'!!) fan of Ellen, was so incredibly excited and ecstatic for being able to see Ellen up close, she was literally beside herself...I mean, she was so hysterical about it, that I think, the only way to calm her down would be to give her one good, solid shake!!! Yup, & as if being in the main stage wasn't enough to make this poor fan explode with excitement, Ellen, who by now was really amused by her fan's outburst, invited her to sit in the guest seat right beside her!!!!! OH.MY.GAWD!!!! That gal just about passed out in total utopia when she finally got to shake Ellen's hand and sit right next to her idol! Man, she was waving to everybody, saying 'hi' to her folks who probably were shocked out of their wits to see her on TV,....she was one adoring fan indeed!! But how cool was Ellen to give that kinda attention to one fan, eh? Kudos to you, Ms. DeGeneres!! Anyway....

David Spade came on looking all cool and collected, but immediately gave Ellen a great, big hug! Hey, did you know that both David & Ellen go way back when they were doing stand-up together? Yup, they've been friends for a very long time. So of 'coz, they were reminiscing about their stand-up days and David remembered the 1st time he met Ellen in Dallas while performing. And they immediately clicked but then, he told everyone that at that time, he had a crush on Ellen!! Yeah, imagine his disappointment when he flew back from Dallas, thinking that he'd probably ask her out & was told "the news" about Ellen...!! That was hilarious!! Ellen was a little red in the face & quickly told David that she had a little crush on him too [huh??]! But Ellen kept saying that they really had great chemistry together and remembered that when she was 1st offered to have her own TV show, she pitched the idea about doing a brother & sister show and she kept on recommending David to play her brother 'coz he would be most appropriate. But sadly, the idea fell through, and years went by & both of them went their separate ways, each doing their own thang. David still does stand-ups now. He's going to perform at the Belagio in Las Vegas. Ellen revealed that David's going to be celebrating his 40th birthday in July!! Wow, David's 40 already?! Anyway, Ellen asked why he was always looking so cool & all. David revealed that he used to be a total geek when he was younger. Yeah, he was a spelling bee champ, a chess champ, etc.. but then he got the "cool" bug from his brother, so he abandoned his geeky ways and friends and played it cool all through high school. But he was totally oblivious that he'd stopped being smart in school that he actually told his guidance counselor that he was thinking of going to UC Santa Barbara, Princeton, when his counselor turned to him and said, "Uh, I'm going to...try to pull some strings to get you into the...community college.."!! And then, of 'coz, he realized that he wasn't smart anymore! Boy, that was a funny story! Ok, you can catch David Spade in action on ABC's "8 Simple Rules...." on Tuesdays.

Before LaToya was introduced to come out, Ellen was again expressing her outrage about the latest "unfair" voting results of the "American Idol" show, that LaToya wasn't supposed to be voted off since she's been so consistently great in her performance. Ellen was like, "It's WRONG!!" Then LaToya came on dancing her way out toward Ellen. Ellen was telling everyone that as soon as she found out that LaToya was untimely voted off, she rushed to book her on the show! She was telling LaToya how absolutely furious she was about the whole thing! But LaToya was very poised, very nonchalant about the whole thing which impressed Ellen. She was shocked about the results but actually prepared for the worst ever since a couple of other people who weren't supposed to be voted off got kicked off already, so the show'd gotten pretty unpredictable. But when she finally got the boot, she just took it with a grain of salt. Ellen kept telling her and raving about how great her voice is and that she's gonna be a huge star, with or without winning in "American Idol". LaToya told Ellen how she just loves her and was so excited when she was told about appearing on Ellen's show! How cute!

Vanessa Marcil, from NBC's new hit drama, "Las Vegas," came on. She immediately told Ellen that Ellen's a huge star in her household 'coz she has a 2-year-old, and of 'coz, "Finding Nemo," and which kid doesn't adore "Dory", eh?! Yeah, Vanessa has seen "Finding Nemo" 38 times with her kid already, so far!!! Ellen kept apologizing to her about that!! It was funny, the way Ellen felt bad about Vanessa having to watch the movie so many times with her kid! But Vanessa was raving about how funny Ellen was, playing "Dory" so watching the movie over and over again wasn't such a bad idea! Guess what, Vanessa's gonna host this year's Daytime Emmy Awards which is airing next Friday on NBC!!! Immediately she brought up the fact that Ellen & the show have 12 nominations!!! Ellen quickly asked her what she was planning to do for the opening of the Awards show. Then when Vanessa told her that she hadn't thought of it yet as she was getting nervous about it but it'd be a surprise opening, Ellen wickedly asked her if she was going to do a monologue & Vanessa was like, "Gee, thanks, Ellen. You've made me feel so much better now!" Ellen went on teasing her & went, "It's customary, you know!" It was funny! Apparently Vanessa is an avid reader. She can read 2 books at once - not simultaneously per se, but that she'd go back & forth between 2 books. She declared that she's probably suffering from Adult A.D.D.! Anyway, she reads 2 books a week which is more than what Ellen could bare 'coz she told everyone that she'd be lucky if she finished one book in a year!! Anyway, both of them were comparing what books they were reading - "Power of Now" which Vanessa had read & Ellen's reading it now. Then there's "Real Boys" which Vanessa was raving about its usefulness especially for people who're raising boys at home. Finally, Ellen asked Vanessa to do a stunt in front of everyone which she recently found out. Vanessa told Ellen that she was expecting to be asked to do it on the show today so she was practising it yesterday & found that age does play a factor to how much you can bend your body!! Anyway, Vanessa was a good sport. She did the seemingly difficult stunt - she basically lied on her stomach & lifted her upper body until her toes touched her head!!! Then it was Ellen's turn.. Aw, man, that poor woman!! Ellen was having such a hard time bending her upper body backwards that Vanessa went to sit on her butt to try to help out, to no avail!!! It was such a hilarious sight indeed!!

The big finish today was a mini motorcycle drag race among Ellen, Vanessa & LaToya!!! Boy, were they having fun on those COOL bikes!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Poor Ol' Tony Ran Out Of Gas in LA!!:
  "I walk out & I like to chat with you for a few minutes before I sit down and talk with the guests that come on & someone said to me the other day, 'Ellen,..how do you come up with your monologue ideas?' And I said, '...Mama, here's...' There are different ways because sometimes something happens to me & I come out & I wanna share it, & I talk about things that happen to me. Sometimes they're just things that happen to everybody & I know that you can relate to it so I bring it up & talk about it. But sometimes when your DJ runs out of gas in his car on his way home, & then you have to share that too!! [squeals of laughter from Tony & the audience!] My question is, How??!! How do you run out of gas??! Do you not have a gas gauge??! I don't understand how our DJ, Tony, can run out of gas! Maybe in England, the gas gauge goes backwards! Maybe he was driving along looking for a petrol station, I don't know! I can understand in the old days when you run out of gas. But there's no excuse when we're in our 20th..21st century, whatever we're in, that you can run out of gas now! I mean, there are gas stations every 3 blocks & even when you're running on empty, you STILL have, like, 30 miles before you run out of gas!! And people always think of ways, like, just to conserve gas when they're running low, like, 'You know, I'll just turn off the air-conditioner' or, you know, 'I'll just won't accelerate really fast so I'll just go smoothly..I'll just turn off the radio just in case, I'll just keep that off & I'll just keep it neutral & try to find hills that go down', 'Maybe if I try to make it more aerodynamic & wear on a speed-skating suit with one of those helmets..!' [this just brought the house down 'coz, let's face it, I think we ALL can relate to Tony and what Ellen's saying, right?] But that's when you think, oh, probably it'd be smarter to stop & gotten gas instead of walking back on the side of the freeway with a gas can in your hand! By the way, there's nothing more dangerous than to walk on the side of the freeway with a gas can in your hand. Not only will you get hit, but you'll EXPLODE!! You'd look like a fool!!"
• Ellen's Jacob bling-bling watch on eBay is up to $12,600 in bids already! Great! Quick, if you're thinking of bidding for it, you must hurry because the auction will be closed by this coming Monday at noon EST! Just log on to Ellen's website and check out how you can bid on it. Remember, all proceeds of the auction will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.
• Ok, so today's the 4th and last finalist that Ellen showed everyone who's competing for the top spot in the "How Come You're Not On TV?" segment. To recap, the 4 finalists are: 1) 8-year-old drummer boy; 2) Guy Balances On Gym Ball; 3) The Rockin' Runway Revival (where the 3 girls were shown lip-synching to "Supermodel"); & 4) Salsa Lip Sync. So if you haven't voted and want to do that, simply click on Ellen's website here and cast your vote now! The winner among these 4 finalists will have a chance to appear on Ellen's show later!

Paula Abdul came on and immediately Ellen expressed her outrage over the recent result of the latest episode of "American Idol" where LaToya London was voted off in favor of Jasmine, screaming, "It's Wrong!! It's Outrageous!!" Paula totally agreed and felt disappointed that America apparently has forgotten how "American Idol" works! There's no room for sympathy vote, man! The one who has shown consistently great performances should NOT be voted off! So, Paula now doesn't even know how the latest season will end. Anything goes, basically! Ellen told everyone that LaToya will be on the show next Monday and she's gonna talk about the apparent unfairness of the results. Boy, Ellen is really into the "American Idol" fiasco, eh? Then, of 'coz, it was inevitable that Ellen asked Paula to show her some moves since Paula's a great dancer - she was an award winning choreographer, for crying out loud! She even choreographed Janet Jackson, the Jackson 5 30th Reunion, and even George Michael!! What an impressive resume, huh? But instead of teaching Ellen the technical moves, Paula showed her the funny ones...using the butt to dance!! It was hilarious 'coz Ellen really tried to follow Paula's smooth butt moves but they came out just...wrong & silly!! Paula's move is called, "The Butt Walk" but what Ellen did was..."The Move That Dares Not Have A Name"!!!

Wilmer Valderrama, from Fox's hit sitcom, "That 70's Show," came on. FYI, he's from Venezuela! Whaddya know?! Wilmer was born in Miami but grew up in Venezuela but returned to the U.S. when he was 14. So he still has the distinct Venezuelan accent. Of 'coz Ellen had to ask this tabloid news that apparently Wilmer was involved in. If you remember, when Lindsay Lohan was on the show, she was talking about how the tabloid news reported that she was seen kissing Wilmer. Well, Ellen "confronted" him on this. You know what she did? She showed poor Wilmer the clip where Lindsay was talking about it on the show but was heard admitting to the truth of the tabloid news, saying that yes, she and Wilmer DID make out when they were in the club! Alas, the Lindsay admission was actually a voice-over, done by Ellen's crew, no doubt! It was funny! No, Wilmer & Lindsay are buddies but they didn't make out or anything like that. So there you go, that should put the rumor mill to rest, then (yeah, right!).

The big finish today was Wilmer riding unicycle whereas Ellen rode a "Rad2Go" "Q" personal chariot.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Losing Your Bling-Bling:
  "So here's what's going on now. Oh...there's always something! This morning, I was taking a shower..which is every day..there's no need for me to, you'll never know when I don't smell clean &..shiny! But uh..yet, I do.. So I was taking a shower this morning. Have you done this when you're taking a shower & you lose your jewelry? I lost a diamond when I was showering this morning...& I don't usually take a shower with my tiara on..! But I..this morning was special.. I had this little bling-bling diamond on a kinda string, basically. I though it was a funky thing...diamong on a string. But the string was not a good idea, evidently! ANd so I was showering & I didn't notice it was gone & I went to scrub (my upper shoulder area) & I felt something, & I was like, 'Is there floss in here?! Why would I have floss on me?!' And then it was a string & it kinda dawn on me that it was the string of my diamond & there was water running..! And so, I had that panic look... So anyway, I was scared. I turned the water off & thought, 'I'll never get it, I'm sure it's down the drain.' I was already imagining how to get down on the drain. You've seen the Drano commercials. There's all kinds of stuff down there! But anyway, I found it! It was weird becoz I thought for sure it was down the drain & I was looking all over, it was the same color basically as..I have a diamond floor..! It was sorta blended in but I found it, anyway. Iwas thinking, that was lucky becoz sometimes you lose things & they're not down below. You don't even know where you lost them! And like you lost something the night before & you have to retrace your footsteps.. Here's what I hate too because I was remembering another time that I lost something & I made a huge deal out of it. It was a big deal that I lost this thing & I had everyone looking for it, like we had, like 5 people looking all over, just tearing the place apart, & I put my hands in my pocket & it was in my pocket!! Then I was embarrassed so I had to toss it under the bed & go, 'Oh, here it is!'!! I tell you something, there's one thing I'll never lose, & that's my love for dancing!! "
• You know how Ellen always announces on her show how big the day's big finish is going to be, right? Well, today, she said that it'd be so grand that no words could describe it so she did the "Interpretation of Dance of the Grand Finale"!!!
• I'm telling ya, the Riff-Raffle is really working. You can see that the people stuck in the Riff-Raff Room are dressed up much nicer now that they know that they MIGHT have a chance to be on TV IF they get chosen to sit in the luxury box right in front of the main stage!! Today Ellen did yet another cool thing for her fans. Since there were only 8-9 people in the Riff-Raff Room, apart from choosing one of them to sit in the luxury box, she actually called up the rest of them to sit in the main stage with the audience as well!! Fabulous for those Riff-Raffers, eh?
• Ellen updated everyone about her Jacob's bling-bling watch which she'd put up on eBay for an auction. The bid came up to only $8,800 so far (which is much lower than the value of the watch itself!) so she urged everyone to bid because it's for a good cause. 100% of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Hurry, deadline is on Monday!
• For the "How Come You're Not on TV" segment, Ellen showed the 2nd & 3rd finalists. Tomorrow, after the 4th finalist is shown, people can log on to the show's official website to see how they can cast their vote on their favorite. The winner will be able to go on Ellen's show!

Patrick Stewart came on and corrected Ellen about calling him "Sir" when he's still a regular "Mr."!! Well, pretty soon, Mr. Stewart, like your compadres, you'll be knighted by the Queen!! So Ellen apologized for the mistake and told him he'd be a "Sir" soon and gave him a tiara to wear!!! At first, Patrick was a little reluctant but the noise of the audience basically gave him the "oomph" to put it on finally!! Cool!! Anyway, Ellen asked if he'd like something to drink & he immediately asked for a Martini w/ 1 olive!! Then he went on to tell Ellen that his son, who's an actor-cum-bartender, used to give him such a hard time about how many olives to put in a Martini. Apparently, you can only put odd number of olives (1, 3, 5.. not 2, 4, 6..!!) Before his son nagged him about it, he used to ask for 2 olives every time he ordered a Martini. Ellen was literally scratching her head wondering, 'What the heck are you ramblin' about, Pat?! ' Then Ellen asked the inevitable question - about Patrick's bald head (of 'coz!) - whether he shaved it on purpose or...& Patrick immediately replied, "I can't help it. This is natural!" Patrick's latest project is the re-interpretation of the classic, "Lion In Winter," co-starring Glenn Close.

Ellen excitedly introduced Usher who performed a song from his smash hit CD, "Confessions." After that, he sat down with Ellen to have a little chat. Ellen, almost gushing at the sight of Usher, told the shy R&B singer that she just loves watching him dance. Did you know that Usher loves to eat Krispy Kreme donuts?!! Wow, can't imagine especially when he looks so incredibly fit, as Ellen asked him. Well, the fact that he grew up in Atlanta and still lives there, which is also the home of Krispy Kreme donuts...guess that can't be avoided, eh? So, you know what Ellen did? She gave Usher 12 boxes of his favorite kinds of Krispy Kreme donuts!!! How sweet!!

Ok, you guessed it (or did you?), the big finish today was another performance by Usher!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen was talking about her constant problems with critters in her backyard! Yup, this time, she had racoons making their usual sounds in the middle of the night! Let's see, so far, she's had herons, owls, stray cats, beavers, all wandering around her house, and now racoons?! Boy, Ellen must really attract animals of all sorts, eh? That's great - shows just how much she loves animals! She was telling everyone that While she may be complaining about the "invasion" of the racoons, she just can't help but like how cute those critters are, with those cute large black rings around their eyes, their tiny little paws...! And she also gave us some tips - that racoons are very helpful to the environment because they eat up all the vermins! Can you imagine that had racoons not existed, the world might have been infested with vermins?!! Yuck!! And then, of 'coz, being Ellen, she tried to make racoon sounds, just like what she loves to do - owl sounds, whale sounds, & what have ya! And now, she can add racoon sounds to her collection! She did pretty well there although she wasn't quite satisfied with her imitation, saying that she'd get that right somehow! Here's a thought - could it be that Ellen really have a natural talent in making animal sounds?? Really, so far, she's done a pretty good job at it! Let's see which animal sound she'll imitate next, eh?
• Ok, remember when Mary J. Blige gave Ellen a suprise by popping in to visit Ellen on the show and gave her a Jacob bling-bling watch? Well, today, Ellen announced that since she wasn't wearing it the whole time and because it's really expensive (turned out to be a whopping $15,800!!!), she thought that she could make it to good use by auctioning it off on eBay to benefit the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation!!! How great is that?!! But the auction is only going to be on eBay until next Monday (5/17). So, if anyone is interested, do go to the show's official website for details about the auction and start bidding now - it's for a great cause!!
• The new segment, "How Come You're Not on TV" has come to an end. So, folks, if you're thinking of sending tapes to Ellen's show for this segment, don't send it anymore. So, out of all the tapes sent in to Ellen, the show had a little panel (Blue Ribbon Panel) which picked out 4 finalists. Ellen would show each finalist's tape every day, starting today. After all 4 finalists' tapes have been shown, then people can go to the show's website to cast their vote on the winner. The winner would then be invited to the show! So, Ellen showed the 1st finalist - the 8-year-old boy who did a fab job in playing the drums (full set, mind ya!) to Beach Boys' classic hit, "Wipe Out".

Patti LaBelle gave an explosive performance in her classic hit, "Lady Marmalade"!!! Yeah, the REAL Lady Marmalade was in the house, man!!! After her performance, Ellen ran toward Patti & the diva gave the "star-struck" host such a big, bear hug, it was so sweet! Ellen was kissing Patti's hands and so did Patti!!

Cynthia Nixon, of the famous "Sex and the City" fame, came on. Before she did, Ellen was telling everyone how much she was missing "Sex and the City" on Sundays even though every time she watched, she'd never know what the hell the 4 gals were talking about! The first thing Ellen asked Cynthia was her hair! Yup, Cynthia's red hair has turned to a blonder look!! Not real blonde yet, but she was getting there! Apparently, Cynthia's a real blondie in real life!!! She only had red hair when she was doing "Sex & the City" for the past 7 years!! Wow!! Guess what, Ellen found out that Cynthia doesn't have TV at home!! Good grief!! How does she & her family live without TV in this day and age?!! Well, it seems that she and her family prefer to watch tapes. They do have a TV but it's not connected to the cable! So, Ellen couldn't help but put poor Cynthia in a spot when she was asked how she'd know about Ellen's show if she didn't watch TV?! But Cynthia quickly defended herself and assured Ellen that she saw a tape of Ellen's show (when Mary Tyler Moore was on), but not convincingly...poor woman!! Her last straw was when she held Ellen's hands & told her that she owns a copy of "Finding Nemo" and she just loved it! That was funny! Then they of 'coz talked about "Sex & the City" especially now that it's ended. As y'all may know, the show's going to be on syndication and TBS is going to air it starting June. But, this was what made Ellen & Cynthia asked themselves - how in the world is TBS going to air the show due to its content?! Cynthia joked that after all the censorship of the show to make it "appropriate" for a basic cable channel, they'd probably end up with just a music-video-like version with no dialogue at all ('coz most of the dialogue on the show was pretty racy & risque!) & worse, Kim Cattrall's character, Samantha, would probably never see the light of day on syndication 'coz if you remember, the whole thing about Samantha was racy!! That was hilarious when both Cynthia & Ellen were both wondering how TBS was going to do it!! Anyway, the next question Ellen had for Cynthia was, of 'coz, the "Sex & the City" movie!! But Cynthia swore she didn't know and Ellen was like, "What d'ya mean you don't know??!" [in a scruffy tone like she was reacting in disbelief!] Funny indeed 'coz her reaction took Cynthia by surprise - well, a little! But she did say that she's hopeful about the movie version of the hugely popular show & that TPTB are working on it now. So fingers crossed, we'll be able to see the Fab Four on the big screen very soon!!

Patti LaBelle finally came on to have a little chat with Ellen! The legendary diva who's released 50 albums, so far, in her 40-year career, & a 2-time Grammy Award winner was looking mighty fine indeed! She was very excited to see Ellen again. If you remember, there was an episode where Ellen was talking about Patti LaBelle after she saw the diva performed in a show, raving about how absolutely powerful Patti's voice was and her stage performance was simply too huge to describe verbally so she started to imitate how Patti sang, with all the Patti hand gestures & voice manipulation - with so much angst and conviction, it was one of the show's most hilarious moments yet! Ellen really did a fantabulous job with her Patti LaBelle imitation! Well, today, Ellen showed Patti that clip & Patti was just too lost for words!! It was a great moment indeed, for both of them! Then they talked about their stark differences in various things - for e.g., their taste in shoes. Ellen, as you know, loves to wear sneakers, but Patti's a pumps gal!! Man, the pumps she was wearing on the show today had heels that were inches tall, steep, & the head of the pumps were damn sharp!! Anyway, Ellen had this crazy idea of giving Patti a pair of sneakers but with heels!! When Patti saw 'em, she was like, "Oh my God, these are u-g-l-y shoes!!" but she was such a good sport - she actually put them on!!! So, Ellen returned the favor and wore Patti's high-heeled pumps!!! It was simply too funny!!!! Alas, she nearly fell off-balance...obviously 'coz if you saw those heels...man!! After the commercial break, Patti performed another song again. Patti's latest CD is called, "Timeless Journey."

Guess what the Big Finish was today? A surprise birthday cake presentation to Patti!!! Yup, it's Patti's 60th birthday & Ellen & Co. gave her a pleasant surprise on the show!!! But the funniest yet was when Ellen, with gloved long nails, sang "Happy Birthday" to her surprised guest, with a hilarious imitation of Patti's signature singing style! Classic moment indeed!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen was telling everyone what a weird day she was having today. Why? Well, it all happened as a result of her visit to her friend's for dinner last night. She saw a picture of a gorilla with a great pose (she thought) and wished she had a picture of a gorilla for herself. Voila! When she went to work this morning, she saw, in her office, a big picture of a gorilla taken by Thomas Mingleton, the famous photographer of nature, just for her!!! Wow, talk about serendipity at work there, man! When Ellen saw it, she was like, "Who is this Thomas Mingleton & how does he know my thoughts?!" She simply couldn't believe that her wish was answered in such subtlety that it was weird! Anyway, she went on to talk about how everyone must look at life as being good and bad. If we only pay attention to the bad, then everything we see or hear or experience is bad. In other words, look at things positively, like, the glass being half-full & not half-empty! Hmm...very zen-y advice, Guru Ellen!
• Well, the luxury box, which was initially used as a gift for Ellen's mom, Betty, on Friday's Mother's Day special, made its return today as well. I'm guessing, the box is here to stay - very good idea! Especially when it's used to benefit at least one lucky person picked from the Riff-Raff Room via a raffle! Thus, the birth of the Riff-Raffle, as Ellen called it, where the lucky Riff-Raff member gets to sit in the luxury box with an unobstructive view of the show...plus, each guest, after being interviewed by Ellen, would be sitting next to him/her as well! Ain't it cool?!

David Schwimmer came on to the cheers of the excited crowd. Ellen immediately raved about the series finale of "Friends" which raked in more than 50 million viewers last Thursday! She also loved how the 2-hour special also showed some unforgettable retrospective of the entire series, & that the writing had stayed consistently good. Then she announced that there was a never-before-seen footage of a different ending to the Ross & Rachel story!! Alas, Ellen played a trick on us!! Well, the so-called never-before-seen Ross/Rachel ending was actually this - well, remember the clip where Ross was listening to his answering machine & hearing Rachel talking about getting off the plane? Ok, so instead of Rachel's voice, it was none other than Ellen's own voice dubbing over Rachel's, telling Ross that Rachel won't be getting off the plane, that it'd be impractical to have Rachel go through 2 security checks, blah-blah-blah..!! It was hilarious especially when all of Ellen's dubbed remarks coincided with Ross' original reaction to what he heard on the answering machine!! Fabulous work, Ellen and Co.!! That brought the house down!! Ellen continued talking about how big a deal the "Friends" finale was, so much so that even TVLand stopped airing its regular programming and urged viewers to tune in to NBC instead!! That's the first I've heard of, I think, where a competing station openly supports another on TV! Well, "Friends" was such a phenomenon throughout its 10 years on TV, you know. Then Ellen asked David if he took any "Friends" memorabilia. He first joked about taking Matt LeBlanc as his memorabilia! But seriously, the only memorabilia he took was a chunk of street that was outside the famous Central Perk coffeehouse! Can you imagine that? Not the painting from Monica's apartment, or the coffee mug from Central Perk, but an asphalt..huh?!! No wonder Ellen couldn't help expressing why he didn't take something more authentic that was more "Friends"-exclusive, instead of just asphalt which could be gotten everywhere! That got David right there 'coz he didn't quite know what to say! Oh well...too late, David, 'coz as you know, the other cast members already called what they wanted as soon as the finale wrapped!! Like what Monica would say, "You snooze, you loose!!"

Apparently David and Ellen both played charades before, but neither of them could remember when they did that! But David did remember that he kicked Ellen's ass back then! So today, Ellen had a chance to return a favor, so to speak! And boy, she did - David only got 1 correct while Ellen got 2...well, I have to mention that Ellen's tips were much easier - You'll be the judged:
the 2nd tip that David got was "Price Is Right" which none of the 2 audience members chosen to play Charade could guess; while Ellen's 2nd tip was "American Idol"!! Go figure! The tip that Ellen couldn't get the 2 audience members to guess was pretty hard - "Love In The Battlefield"!! Well, if you ask me, it was a tie between David & Ellen at the end of the game! After that, Ellen announced that everyone in the audience would get a free copy of "Friends 'Til The End", the authorized limited collector's edition in celebration of the series finale!! Wow!! Also, the limited edition of "Friends: Series Finale" is out on DVD today!

Gabrielle Union came on and quickly told Ellen that they'd met - way back in 1991!!! Yup, obviously, Ellen didn't remember that. But apparently, Gabrielle and her buddies went to see Ellen perform at Tommy T's, a comedy club, obviously, 'coz they were her fans!! Wow!! Gabrielle even revealed that she's been a loyal fan of Ellen's all through these years. Cool! Yeah, so, at the comedy club, Ellen apparently had a "Meet & Greet" session where Gabrielle got to meet her idol. Ellen, for the life of her, couldn't believe nor remember that she actually had a "Meet & Greet" 'coz she'd usually leave the club right after her performance. Oh well, that's what you get for being forgetful, Ellen! You just gotta give your fans the benefit of the doubt, eh? Anyway, Gabrielle said she knows David Schwimmer - well, of 'coz, 'coz she guest-starred on "Friends", becoming the first African-American to appear on the show!! Yup, she actually called her experience like being Rosa Parks on "Friends"!! If you remember, she played a gal who was in a love triangle with 'Ross' & 'Joey'. Then Ellen showed everyone a picture of Gabrielle with her mom in the current issue of "InStyle" magazine in celebration of Mother's Day. FYI, Ellen with her mom, Betty, were also featured! Gabrielle also revealed that she's a huge fan of Janet Jackson..in fact, she's obsessed with JJ!!! But when she actually saw JJ walking out of an audition which she was on her way to, she stopped short of meeting her idol 'coz she didn't want to look lame, like some stalker!! Adorable! FYI, you can see Gabrielle in action in the new movie, "Breakin' All The Rules" which also stars Jamie Foxx, opening in theatres this Friday.

The big finish today was a song performed by Ellen, Gabrielle and the whole audience, all donned wearing straw hats while singing "Happy Trails To You"!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ode To Getting...O-L-D!!:
  "I made a discovery recently, is that I'm getting old..er! And the way I realized it is that I made a mistake of sitting on a bean-bag chair!! You know how they have certain games & they say, 'from age 6 & up'? Well, there should be a cut off age for bean-bag chairs!! There should be a point where you realize you cannot sit in a chair like that! It took me about 15 minutes to get out of it!! I don't know where I ended up in a bean-bag chair where I started! I became part of a chair!! It's a bad sign when you realize that it takes you a while to get up & you never used to, & I realize, here's an anology - If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now! I'd like to upgrade!! It's pains that I never had before, too, like, all of a sudden, I'm realizing, the other day, my hip was hurting & I just...when they start happening, you don't pay attention at first 'coz you'd think, I was gardening, but all of a sudden, like, my bones start to make noise! And now when I'm watching TV, I'm starting to be really interested in the commercials about the mystery drugs...! You don't pay attention when you're younger but as you get older, you're like, all of a sudden, you're paying attention to, like, 'If you think Lubridor is right for you, ask your doctor.'...Hmm.. Maybe I need Lubridor! You don't even know what it's for! It's just the happy couple dancing on a porch..! I want Lubridor..I wanna dance on a porch!! Most of us are in complete denial about aging & you learn to accept as you get older, you know. And then if you're actually listening to any radio station, there's a day & I don't know when it happens, it's so subtle but you start switching over to a different radio station. If you're listening to anything that says, 'You're listening to s-m-o-o-t-h rock..' & if at night they're dedicating songs to somebody else,...you're old!! Something happened, you know! It's not fair, it's not fair, I say 'coz finally, you've figured out who you are, you get your head in the right place...& then your body starts to fall apart!! Age is a very high price to pay for maturity, that's what I say! And so I decided that I may be aging but I REFUSE to get old!!! So I'm gonna move! Tony, make me dance!!"
• Remember the special VIP luxury box that Ellen gave her mom, Betty, to sit, right in front of the stage, as a Mother's Day gift on Friday? Well, Ellen & Co. thought it'd be a waste to use it just for that one time, so they decided to use the luxury box one more time today for another reason. Guess what, one of the people in the Riff-Raff (the rejected audience, the step-children of the show!) Room lucked out!! Yup, Ellen decided to pick someone from the Riff-Raff Room through a raffle draw to sit in the luxury box right in front of Ellen!!! Wow!! Now, THAT IS a fantastic idea - the luxury box!!! And picking someone from the Riff-Raff room to sit there is absolutely cool because, hey, that'd give people so much more encouragement and desire to be in the Riff-Raff room just because there's one teensy-weensy chance that they might be picked next to sit in the luxury box with the best view of the show!! So, if you ask moi, I wouldn't mind seeing the luxury box being used regularly on the show! Well, just a thought...

First off, THANK YOU, Ellen, for bringing back SPONTANEITY!!! WE HONOR YOU!!!! Ok, first guest was Christina Ricci. Boy, she looked so cute & adorable - very tiny!! Ellen asked her about leg warmers, the fact that she liked wearing leg warmers when she was little. Christina revealed that she wore them adoringly because she used to pretend to be a ballerina! But Ellen thought it was because of the explosive trend as a result of the movie, "Flashdance"!! Christina was looking at Ellen, like, no, I was just a little child back in 1983, Ellen, 3 years old to be exact!! She told Ellen that she never watched it 'coz she was too young & besides, she said the movie was perceived to have nudity or gratituous sex 'coz it was in the 80s! Ellen was like, "How OLD are you??" Christina replied meekly, "I'm 24.."! So funny!! My gosh, we ARE old, aren't we??!! Ellen started defending the movie, saying, that it didn't really have nudity except the fact that you actually learnt how to take off your bra without taking off your shirt! That was funny! Ellen apparently can't help talking about "Flashdance" for some reason! But who in their right minds can ever forget the trend-setting movie of the 80s era, a true phenomenon that people are STILL talking about to this day! Phenomenal, man! Anyway..Ellen then asked Christina about her being able to read when she was 3 so she wanted to find out if it was true & not like Brittany Murphy (that poor gal!), whom Ellen has been telling everybody that she's a liar for saying that she started talking when she was 4 months old!!! So while Ellen was on the Brittany Murphy being a liar topic, Christina joined in the joke as well. Ellen was just telling everyone that Christina did have a justifiable explanation about her ability to read when she was just 3 & before she said anything else, Christina uttered, "Yeah, unlike Brittany, who apparently can fly..." jokingly, but the audience apparently didn't get it, 'coz some of them were making some disapproving sounds, thinking that perhaps Christina's remark was a little mean or something...!! Aw, c'mon!! But it was too late & Christina did look a tad regretful for saying that, even it was only a joke 'coz some people didn't get! So Ellen, of 'coz bailed her out, saying that she wouldn't mind if Christina wanted to start a feud with Brittany on her show, 'coz Brittany said something bad about Christina too!! Great save, Ellen! I'm sure if Brittany saw this episode, she'd be laughing her you-know-what off now!! FYI, "Monster" is coming out on DVD on June 1st and Ellen was raving about how great Christina was in the movie along with Charlize Theron!

Anyway, Christina brought her dog on the show, a min-pin (miniature pincher) who apparently likes to hold up his two front legs like he's praising the Lord or something. But when he was brought onto the stage, he got very confused and frightened & couldn't wait to go backstage, poor doggie! Apparently he'd never been in front of the public like that before! So he wasn't able to do it & Christina felt bad! Oh, after the interview, Christina was seen sitting in the luxury box beside the lucky winner from the Riff-Raff Room!! How cool was that?! Yup, another reason for perhaps keeping the luxury box on the show, guys? Just a thought...

Ellen did yet another "meet the public" stint again - this time she had a kiosk in the mall, selling some of her stuff that she "found" in her car!! Well, she appropriately named her kiosk, "Ellen D's Notions & Things & Sunglasses"!! Basically she was selling whatever you can think of, with her name & her show on each of them, at unbelievably high prices! You should see the reaction of some of those gullible people who actually wanted to buy from our wicked Ellen!! Hilarious!

Something happened! When the show returned after the commercial, Ellen was still laughing about something & we found out that one of the camera guys, Andy, fell! And of 'coz nothing can make Ellen get more hysterical with laughter than seeing someone fall right in front of her!! She was out of it, for a while!! That was soooooooo funny especially when she was trying to stop laughing to get on with the show but the laughter just came creeping back before she could utter a single word!! Classic, man! Anyway, Josh Duhamel came on after Ellen settled down. Ellen first asked Josh if she pronounced his last name correctly & amazingly, she did! Josh then told her that he was in the "Rosie O'Donnell" show a couple of years ago where Rosie mispronounced his name! So he was pretty impressed with Ellen's ability to say his name right! FYI, Josh grew up in very small town in North Dakota but had to leave there 'coz of the freezing weather! He started out as a model! And to his horror, Ellen told him that they found a tape of him trying out to be a model on the catwalk!!!! He was practically gaggin' when he saw himself in the tape! After that, he told Ellen that his mom might not have seen it, so he's preparing himself to get a phone call from his mom asking him about it! Very funny indeed!

And you'd never guess....Ashton Kutcher, the well-known prankster of Hollywood, was spotted on the same runway too, strutting his stuff including the famous "I'm beautiful, I'm mad" look that all male models have!! Both Josh & Ashton looked like genuine models. They most definitely got the stuff to be a model! Hmmm....I wonder if Ashton knew that Ellen was going to show that tape with him in it?! If not.....well, Ellen, I have 5 words for ya...Get Ready To Be Punk'd !! Yeah!!! That'd be COOL!!! So, watch your back, woman!! Anyway, back to Josh, he's featured in People magazine where he's one of the 50 Most Beautiful People!! FYI, Josh was wearing the ever popular Ellen boxer shorts! COOL!! And after the interview, he sat in the luxury box, too! You can catch Josh in action in "Las Vegas" every Monday on NBC, which incidentally has been renewed for its 2nd season.

The big finish today was free hot dogs courtesy of "Pink's Hot Dogs" & everybody got one! Very generous, Ellen!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Happy Mother's Day!:
  The opening today was Ellen being driven by her mom, Betty, in a red Dodge van onto the stage! Yup, it was like mother driving daughter to work! What's cute was Betty even handed Ellen her lunch bag before she went toward the audience to start her monologue! Very cool!
  
  "Happy Mother's Day to everybody here! And Happy Mother's Day to Mrs. DeGeneres...that's what I call her when I'm at work. At home, I call her 'Mommy'! She comes to every show. That is love...& ignoring a restraining order!! [hoards of laughter from the audience!] 2 more shopping days for Mother's Day & I'll tell you something...you'd better do something for your mom. How do you thank someone who taught you right from wrong, who bandaged your injured knees, wiped your mouth twenty times a day & a filthy dish towel..?! [another huge laughter from everyone! ] Uh..I love my nanny but..I don't know how they do it. I don't know how moms do it. We owe them a lot, you know. It's non-stop work! It's changing diapers & feeding 'em. It's just work, it's not easy at all! I don't have kids, but I have friends who have kids & so I see, what it entails. You don't realize 'til you get older what our parents go through for us, but from what I see, the one thing I learned is that kids cry...a lot!! As I said, I don't have kids but I have a mailman & he's a handful! I was a pretty good baby, they say. My mom & dad said I was pretty good. But I'd cry sometimes & my mom, I don't know why she'd tell me this story but she did, so I'll share it with you. We had a rocking chair that she'd rock me to try to quiet me, to calm me down. One time I was crying & she was rocking me...How hard & how fast must she be rocking me that, she said, we both went backwards??!! How fast do you have to be rocking the baby to try to quiet it to fly over backwards??!! And she assured me that she protected me, that she hit her head & I didn't hit mine! And we were Christian Scientists, so we just laid there waiting for God to correc it & so...!!! [that brought the house down, man!] The crying, though, that's gotta be tought if you're a mom. The crying would drive me crazy, must be nerve-wrecking! The good thing about the baby is making 'em laugh. When you hear a baby laugh & I'm good at making babies laugh. In fact, if you have a baby, put it in front of the TV. [Then she started doing her baby talk directly to the camera until one of the producers tapped on her shoulder reminding her that she had a talk show to do! That was hilarious!]"
• Ellen had Betty come up from backstage accompanied by one of the crew members, & she whispered to Ellen, "What are you doing?!" So cute! Anyway, Ellen wanted to give her mom something special - gave her a special VIP seating box right in front of the audience! Ellen even had a manicurist do her nails right on the show & also an artist to paint her a portrait! What a lovely sweet daughter Ellen is!!
• In honor of Mother's Day, Ellen announced that there'd be great giveaways to the audience at the end of the show, which immediately caused a ruckus in the audience from sheer excitement, even BEFORE she told everyone what the giveaways were!! The giveaways included silver pendants with Betty's picture each of them & a $100 gift certificate to every audience member! How lucked out were those people at the show, eh? And then, there would be a lucky draw among 3 lucky winners from the audience where one of them will go home with the red Dodge minivan that Betty was driving in at the beginning of the show!! How cool was that?! Yup, it's Ellen the Generous, at work, again!!

Today was the last day that we'd see the "Welcome Greeting" wheel, phew! For Hugh Jackman, he got the 'One Cheek Kiss' greeting. And you'd never guess, Hugh came out with lates gloves & a surgical mask on!!!! Yup, he did catch Ellen on Jay Leno's Tonight Show, where Ellen was talking about getting sick all the time & suspected that she got it from her guests from all the hugs, kisses, & hand-shaking! That was a funny thing for Hugh to do!! He's hilarious & what a good sport! Ellen talked about Hugh being an Aussie and told him that she'd really want to visit his country one of these days. The only thing that's stopping her is the long-hour flight! Hugh lives in Melbourne but he was born in Sydney. He goes back and forth between the US and Australia but recently, he hasn't been able to do that due to the films he's doing, including being the lead in the Broadway musical hit, "The Boy from Oz." Busy man, he is! Then they talked about the upcoming Mother's Day and what he was planning to do. He talked about his son who was born one day before Mother's Day , so Mother's Day celebration in the Jackman household is pretty big. This year, his son, who's 4 now, is planning to cook breakfast for his mom at 11:30a - how adorable!!! He's gonna cook pancakes even though he's never done it before! So Hugh was preparing to do a lot of cleaning up after his son's cooking! Seems like the Jackman family is a whole lotta fun, eh? Of 'coz they talked about Hugh's latest movie, "Van Helsing," which is in theatres today. Did you know that his stuntman is his own brother-in-law?! Cool!! All in a family! Then before Hugh went backstage, Ellen asked him to teach her some dance moves since he's in a Broadway musical! So Hugh taught her the Rockette-style high-kick move & they both did!! Of 'coz Hugh's legs were kicked much higher than Ellen's - hey, he's trained, what can we say? But Ellen didn't do too badly, either, mind ya!

Ellen was proud to welcome back her friend, Mary J. Blige, to perform one of her singles. She also raved about Mary's tour which is happening right now & pitched the tour dates to everyone, urging them to go see Mary in action. What a good friend Ellen is! Mary wished everyone "Happy Mother's Day" & dedicated her song to all the women out there who've been cheated on.

Al Roker's greeting, according to the Wheel, was supposed to be 'Short Hug' but Ellen quickly changed it to a 'Long Embrace'!! Of 'coz 'coz she's buddies with good ol' Al!! Al came on & started dancing, making some suave moves with Ellen to the song "It's Raining Men"!!! Groovy, man! Ellen couldn't resist showing everyone the clip of Al & Katie Couric which was a birthday gift to Ellen on her birthday which was aired previously. The clip, if you remember, showed Al & Katie, after a sip of champagne, doing some cool dirty dancing moves, including a hilarious rabbit-hop move by Al, to 50 Cent's hit song, "It's Your Birthday"!!!! It was hilarious!!!! Ellen told Al that their birthday gift made her laugh the hardest!! Then they talked about Al's weight loss, how he went through a necessary gastroplasty (gastric bypass) surgery. Al works out everyday before his morning show, "Today," now & he feels great! Then they talked about Mother's Day which is also a big event in the Roker household. Being the weather man on "Today," Ellen tested his skills and asked him to guess what the stage's temperature was right then & boy, his guess was pretty close!! No wonder Al's the famous weather man on TV!!!

The big finish was, of 'coz, picking the ultimate winner of the red Dodge minivan & the winner was so excited she kept screaming "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" jumping up & down, unable to contain herself! Ellen had to usher her to the van so she could sit & drive it off-stage!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• The End of "Friends" As We Know It!:
  "Today is Thursday. It's a special day. Tonight's Thursday night, that means, it's time to say goodbye to a show that we've been watching for a long, long time & we've all grown fond of everyone on the show, & so to say goodbye to 'Cheers ' to me is,..uh..ahhhh!!" [didn't see that coming at all! She's funny!] 'Friends' is going off the air after all this time &, that's sad! It's really sad, & I love the show. So it's a tribute to the show, I guess, it's a farewell to Monica & to Chandler, to Phoebe, & Ross, & Joey, &...Tina..! I think that's her name, I don't know, I just made it up! Tina's an extra on the show. She's on the show once in a while in the coffee house. You've seen her, she's in the background drinking coffee! I love the show. I really do. And they're the best kinda friends to have, I think, & that's why the show lasted this long, & for a number of reasons, but they're the friends that you don't have to help them move, you don't have to take 'em to the airport, they're low maintenance friends to have...& they have a monkey!! None of my stupid friends have a monkey!! I've watched the show faithfully from the beginning, but then, for a little while, I took a few months off, don't know what happened, but I stopped watching, I got busy. I missed it, so I had to catch up on the show 'coz it was coming to an end & I needed to catch up. So I started watching again. But it looked different! The apartment looked different that I remembered. Everybody was fighting, there was dirt everywhere, Chandler lost so much weight & Joey was naked eating a tarantula...& then I realized I was watching 'Survivor'!! And I had to change the channel! For a while, everybody wanted the Jennifer Aniston haircut. But now you can't ask for a Jennifer hair anymore 'coz it could be Jennifer Tilly, or Jennifer Lopez, or Jennifer Beal [she meant 'Beals' with an 's', guys]..These people walking outta there going, 'I'm a maniac, maniac...!' [singing the famous 'Flashdance' song that we ALL remember so well!!] I just wanted to sing it, that's all!! [Yes, Ellen, we know you LOVED 'Flashdance' - I mean, who wouldn't when Jennifer Beals was the 'dancing maniac,' eh?]" "I don't know what's gonna happen tonight, I'm gonna watch it, but here's my prediction - Joey's gonna move to L.A. to get his own show, Monica & Chandler are just gonna move to Jersey somewhere, Ross & Rachel are gonna get back together... they might...but they might not...they probably will...they might not...they may..!! And then Phoebe is just gonna get the apartment to herself, I believe, & sublets it for thousands of dollars, which is what it's worth & finally starts making money on that thing! But I'm gonna miss the friends 'coz, I mean, we jused to watch 'em once a week & now we're only gonna get to see 'em everyday at 3, 5, 7 & 9..!! [huge laughter from the audience!!] Right after 'Golden Girls,' 'Seinfeld,' & 'Law & Order'!!! There's only one way I can get over my misery & that is..to dance!!"
• Guess what, Ellen's gonna get rid of the dreaded "Welcome Greeting" wheel, YAY!!! But she was gonna use it one last time today & tomorrow, & then after that, THE RETURN OF GOOD OL' SPONTANEITY!! Excellent! Hey, could it be that Ellen & Co. read our lil' gripe about the wheel & our "holla" (shout-out) to bring back spontaneity, right here yesterday?? Hmm...the fact that she mentioned the Greeting Wheel format being a little too "staged"...(if you read the recap of yesterday's episode uploaded here yesterday, you'll know what I mean!) But maybe, it's all just one big coincidence, that's it!
• Ellen announced that she's on the cover of "US Magazine" where inside the mag, there are 3-4 pages dedicated to "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" including the behind-the-scenes goodies which should be interesting read! There are loads of pics included as well! Ellen expressed her gratitude to the mag for doing a piece on her show.

Lindsay Lohan came on dressed in ripped jeans (hey, are they coming back?! Damn, I threw away all of my ripped jeans years ago!) & gave Ellen a 'Short Hug' which was initially supposed to be a 'Wave' according to the Wheel but then Ellen cheated - she turned the wheel to 'Short Hug' instead! Good for her 'coz...how do you do a 'Wave' with your guest, anyway, eh?? Anyway, Ellen first asked Lindsay if she pronounced her last name correctly - Lohan with a silent "h" as opposed to "Low-Hand". In truth, it's supposed to sound like "low-hand" but Lindsay got teased a lot in school about it so she started pronouncing it without the "h"! Then they talked about Lindsay's latest movie, "Mean Girls", which is a smash hit, the #1 movie in the box-office, to be exact. Ellen continued raving about it ever since she saw the movie. Lindsay talked about how enjoyable it was to make the movie 'coz the script was very smart & funny & realistic. It's unlike some teen movies which have been cheezy, to say the least. This movie at least deals with the real issues that teenagers identify with in school - students are just getting meaner & meaner, I guess! Ellen asked her what advice she'd give teens who're being treated meanly in school & she said the best thing - just ignore them and move on with your life! That's exactly what she's doing about the recent rumors & tabloid news that she's dating, kissing this guy or that guy on the mags! Good for you, Lindsay! That's the attitude, man! Lindsay, as you may know, started out doing modeling since she was 5! And she's been in movies - remember the ultra hilarious comedy, "Freaky Friday"? WORD!! And also, "Parent Trap" when she was only 12? Wow! Good resume! Ellen asked about her parents - Lindsay's mom was a Rockette but didn't elaborate it further like she was embarrassed to talk about it or something - remember when we were teenagers & we dreaded talking about our parents? Well, that's how she was - how cute! But guess what, Lindsay revealed that she used to be very embarrassed about her mom dropping her off to school 'coz the guys were hitting on her mom!!! You know that her mom looked fabulous...hey, she was a Rockette, for crying out loud! That was hilarious!

Kevin Sorbo got the 'Shake/Kiss Combo' greeting! Ellen asked about his newborn baby and what they had to go through 'coz his wife had to have an emergency c-section 'coz the baby was big - when he was born, he weighed 12 lbs!! OUCH!! Kevin has 2 other kids as well. He's having fun being a daddy again, I guess! You can catch Kevin Sorbo in action in "Andromeda" which is aired on the Sci-Fi channel.

The big finish today was the guy with the top-notch memory calling out each audience member by name according to their seating arrangement!!! He really remembered them!!! Earlier, he actually nailed the whole deck of cards without looking!! Jeez!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• It's "Cinco de Mayo", everyone! Yup, Ellen was in the "Cinco de Mayo" mood, including her monologue which was a ramble of how the even came to be celebrated. Then she showed us the "Cuarto de Riff-Raff" (or for those of you who don't know Mexican, "The Riff-Raff Room") which was decorated with everything Mexican & "Cinco de Mayo " including the Mexican flags, the piñatas, and get this, free catering from Baja Fresh!! Yummy!! So it was a "par-tay" in that usually subdue room today! And Ellen started calling Tony, "Antonio" whereas Tony called her "Eleno"! Ellen tried to speak Mexican but couldn't go beyond the usual "Como estas" & "Muy bien" expressions. It was funny!
• Ellen announced that there's gonna be yet another new segment coming soon to the show. This time, it's called, "Oh Yes, You Can!" which is basically a segment that strives to make someone's dream come true. So, if you do have a dream that you wish would come true, go to the show's official website here and check it out!

The "Welcome Greeting" wheel got whisked out again...(here's a thought - wouldn't it be more fun to have spontaneeous greetings between Ellen and her guests like before instead of the staged/prepared greetings that are decided by the spinning of the wheel?? BRING SPONTANEITY BACK, I'd say! Just my 2 cents...!) For Jay Leno, the greeting was '2 Cheek Kiss' or in Mexican, 'Beso Dos en Dos Aldos'! The always-nice Jay Leno came on looking all relaxed and happy to see his old buddy, Ellen. They talked about Jay's family, the fact that he's half- Italian & half-Scottish (his dad is Italian & his mom's Scotch), and how growing up in the Italian-cum-Scottish environment was fun, dysfunctional & crazy because of the dichotomy of characteristics between his mom & dad!! Jay's dad's very outspoken whereas his mom never likes to be in the limelight, is quiet & quite reserved. Even with the food servings, they're complete opposites - as you know, Italians like to serve in bbig, chunky servings, which Jay's mom & her family never got used to 'coz they were more used to seeing daintier servings. Jay was explaining and describing everything so hilariously! Ellen asked him how his mom thought of his fame and public persona and he said his mom still doesn't really get it that he's a public figure & so famous! To her, be it Jay being a famous celebrity or in any other profession, she'd still see Jay in the same light - her son from Boston! But then, Jay revealed that he finally got his mom to realize that he's a celebrity figure when he got Perry Como to greet her on his show when she was in the audience!! That was sweet! So, in commemorating his unique family dynamics, Jay wrote a book called "If Roast Beef Could Fly" which is actually based on a true story when he was growing up! It was pretty funny when he told Ellen how his dad just threw out the roast beef he'd been roasting all day when he found out that Jay accidentally left his comb in it while trying to steal a taste of the beef while it was being roasted!! So what his dad did to the roast beef was really an inspiration to Jay's book! The book also has other stories that Jay wrote about based on his real-life experience. So check it out - it's now in bookstores. Then Ellen took Jay to the "Riff-Raff Room" to meet the excited audience members who went crazy seeing Jay and Ellen while eating Mexican food and drinking Margarita! Cool!

It was the '2 Cheek Kiss' for Lorraine Bracco as well so she and Ellen did that. Whereas usually guests would sit down after they come on but Lorraine kept standing and Ellen suggested that perhaps they could do the interview while standing like they were in a cocktail party, especially when they both started drinking their Margarita! They both finally sat down & Lorraine continued sipping her Margarita, commenting on how good it was. Then she said the inevitable - she spoke frankly to Ellen that the whole "Welcome Greeting" wheel thing was a little insulting. She couldn't help feeling a little insulted by it, having to do what the wheel said instead of greeting freely like what the host & guest normally would do, especially when she knows Ellen, her mom, etc. So she would much prefer to give Ellen the proper greeting, you know. Well, Ellen couldn't respond much about that. [BRING SPONTANEITY BACK, Ellen, I'd say!!] It's surprising that this revelation took so long & bravo, Lorraine, for speaking frankly! The audience probably agreed too 'coz there was a lot of laughing & clapping in approval! Anyway...did you know that Lorraine, like Jay Leno, is also half-Italian?! Well, the exception is that Lorraine's mom is English, so she's half-Italian, & half-English! But she told Ellen that the whole family craziness with 2 clashing cultures was the same, nonetheless! Lorraine's more to the Italian side of her nature especially when she grew up with her dad & his family in Brooklyn. So of 'coz you're bound to be influenced, more or less. Ellen then talked about Lorraine's recent appearance on Broadway where she had to bare naked on-stage, & asked her how she felt about it. Lorraine, not surprisingly, said that she wasn't that uncomfortable being naked because as she put it, " I was beautifully lit..!" She actually revealed that she'd be much more terrified to be doing what Ellen does, right in front of the audience, than being naked, for a brief moment on-stage! And Ellen asked what her daughters thought about the whole thing & Lorraine told her that her daughters, one's 18 & the other's 25, were in the audience. They were horrified at first but got over it! Good sports, they are, eh? Then Ellen told Lorraine what a big fan she's with "The Sopranos" and watches it religiously every Sunday night, much to Lorraine's delight!

Mario Winans featuring Loon performed his hit single, "I Don't Wanna Know," which is currently the #2 song in the country, from his new CD. But what Mario didn't know was a surprise that Ellen had in store for him after his performance! Yup, Ellen went up to him & told him that she had a Mother's Day surprise for him - his own mom in the audience!!! Mario was so taken aback seeing his mom sitting in the audience, he was speechless, but then thanked Ellen gratefully!! Awww, that was so sweet of Ellen!

The big finish today was, well..."Mucho Grande" as Ellen put it. Yup, she picked the winner of a special 7 Day Cruise to the Mexican Riviera including air fare from the audience!! Fantastic!! Then the show closed out with the El Mariachi band playing while Ellen and the winner danced.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• The Importance of Sleeping in Good Beds:
  "I woke up not feeling good at all. I woke up with a creek in my neck..or crick..or cricken..I don't know.. pain in my neck. I woke up & my neck was just bad! What am I doing?! I was laying down....I thought! What could've happened to my sleep?!! Was I dreaming I was carrying a refrigerator?! It felt like I dreamt that I was on the phone all night long, talking & then I played the violin for a while! How can 8 hours of laying down make you sore??!! That's how long, they say, we should sleep, is 8 hours...longer if you're a teenager..So I guess thinking everyone else is stupid takes a lot of energy, & uh...!! [audience just burst out laughing!] I feel like if you're gonna be in bed that long, you gotta have a comfortable bed. You spend a third of your life in bed, you should have a comfortable bed, & if you're gonna buy a bed & you go to those stores...You gotta really try it out & leave your inhibitions at the door.. I go in, I'll ask 'em to dim the lights. And if they don't, I'll wear an eye-mask..! I'll try different positions. I wanna lay in bed the way I lay in bed. Don't be shy, & BYOB..Bring Your Own Blanket..& uh....[audience just cracked up!] And it's important to spoon, I'll ask the manager to come on over & uh....[audience was laughing & hooting..!] But they have all the beds for everybody. Some people like a soft bed, some people like a firm bed, some people like the firm bed with the pillowtop so that it's firm but soft, you know. Those are the people with combination skin...!!"
• It was the "Holla Awards" time. Ellen gave a shout out to the supermarket mystery guy who did a random act of kindness to a woman who dropped her spaghetti sauce jar while loading up her car outside the supermarket. The guy saw it, ran back to the supermarket & bought her another jar of spaghetti sauce!! How nice!!

The legendary Mary Tyler Moore came on, doing the 'Kiss/Shake Combo' with Ellen, according to the "Welcome Greeting" wheel, but not before she did some dance moves to the song, "Respect," much to Ellen & the audience's delight! FYI, Mary's an 8-time Emmy Award winner...wow, that IS a lot!! Ellen was so excited to see her. As you know, Mary's one of Ellen's idols ever since she was a kid & just adores her. She grew up, like most of us, watching "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" & "The Dick Van Dyke Show". In fact, they both adore each other so much that Mary was in both of Ellen's past sitcoms, "Ellen," & "The Ellen Show"!! Talk about a good frienship, eh? Anyway, they were playing some catching up 'coz apparently, Ellen claimed that she kept calling her but Mary immediately disagreed! Ellen reminded her that she was trying to invite Mary to her HBO performance in New York, but she couldn't make it. Then they talked about how Mary started her career as a comedian. She was studying in a Catholic school where showbiz wasn't viewed very positively at all. In fact, students were discouraged by the nuns to get into showbiz. However, Mary didn't take any heed to that 'coz she'd always wanted to sing & dance. She revealed that she'd always opt for singing and dancing instead of acting! But well, Mary somehow got herself in acting when she landed a role in "The Dick Van Dyke Show" which marked the start of her career as a sitcom star, blazing the trail for women when she was the first woman to wear pants on TV regularly during the time where there were a lot of restrictions for women on TV, especially in sitcoms/live shows!! But her insistence on wearing pants paid off when CBS agreed to let her do it, as long as she only wore them in just 1 scene of every episode. How amazing was that?! You can catch Mary Tyler Moore in "The Dick Van Dyke Show Revival" along with her old gang on May 11th on CBS.

The next greeting was the 'One Cheek Kiss' & Rosie Perez came on doing that with Ellen without a hitch. Rosie was wearing a very low-cut, revealing dress & a shawl loosely wrapped around her which she removed as soon as she sat down. She wasn't wearing her mic, so Ellen pointed to the mic on the side-table for Rosie to put it on, careful not to point at Rosie's "revealing" area, if you know what I mean! It was obvious that Ellen was trying not to pay attention to that area! So Rosie said, "They told me to bring the shawl just in case it was cold, you know.. the headlights (pointed to her breasts underneath her revealing dress!)...[the audience was getting crazily hysterical already!]..& I'm ok with it if you're ok with it.." [another roaring of laughter from the audience!] Ellen replied, almost mischievously, "I'm..fine..." [this time, the audience just lost it & went completely bonkus with laughter, mixed with lots of loud hooting!! We all know why, don't we, eh?] Rosie was also laughing hysterically at Ellen's "cheeky" response, by then! When everyone calmed down a little, Ellen changed the subject swiftly & started revealing that Rosie actually enjoys shopping at "Target"! Rosie proudly admitted to it & told her that people don't call it "Target" anymore - it's pronounced as "Tar-jay" (where the "r" is pronounced the French way just to make it sound more sophisticated, I guess!). Yup, Rosie loves to buy in bulk, especially her favorites - toilet paper, Swiffer, & Febreze!! And at the mention of Febreze, Rosie just got so excited especially when Ellen whipped out one & she started spraying it, demo-ing it to Ellen!! It was funny! Rosie really IS one hyper woman, man! Yes, we can safely say that Rosie is OBSESSED with Febreze!! In fact, Ellen saw that Rosie loved that product so much that she gave her a whole cart-ful of Febreze sprays at the end of the interview!! Rosie's a special guest star on tonight's "Frasier", which is the last episode before the big series finale, playing Frasier's last bad date! Rosie also told Ellen that she got to stay on to watch the finale being taped & she was bawling over the entire taping 'coz like many people, she couldn't believe "Frasier" was ending!! Guess she's a big "Frasier" fan like many of us!

The big finish today was a tiny little performance by Ellen, Mary & Rosie, all doing a rendition of "The Dick Van Dyke Show" theme song where at the end of the song, the cast would throw their hats in the air!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Gossips & Rumors:
  "Oh, have you heard? Did you hear? About Pam Dawber? Nothing.. But you were curious, weren't ya? All of a sudden, 'What about Pam Dawber? What happened?' I got your attention because I wanted to...so, this is what I'm talking about right now....as soon as you say 'Did you hear?', everybody's ear's perked up... 'Ooo, there's information, we're gonna get information..it's coming..the scoop!' We're gettin' it through the grapevine. What's the skinny? All the information, the 411... No matter how you phrase it, we're spreading rumors & gossip like crazy! Everybody's into all that stuff, no matter how you start out that phrase! But it's gossip. We like to think that we're above it but it's so hard not to get caught up in it & somehow, when you're telling somebody something, you whisper, somehow, it's not a big deal...There are people who like to gossip. Never trust anyone who starts off with, 'Just between you & me... ' I promise you they're the 12th person they've said that to!! I assume that people know the tabloids...they're not truthful. But we just want to believe it. Gossip is evil, it really is! Eventually it's gonna bite you in the ass. When you're spreading rumors, it destroys friendships, it ruins marriages, & the next time you go to say something to somebody, I just want you to ask yourselves this - is it worth it? ...Usually, it is becoz...! Hey, did you know that Tony's British accent is fake? He's really from Milwaukee...but he really is a DJ...!!"

Ellen turned the "Welcome Greeting" wheel and it stopped at 'Curtsy'!! But she cheated! Rather than doing "the nasty," she quickly turned the wheel a little so it ended on 'Shake/Kiss Combo'!! So Bill Cosby came up to Ellen & they both did that! Although Bill did try to curtsy!! Before Ellen could say anything to Bill, he just said, "I'm taking over!" & told everyone that whenever he's playing at a venue in the US/Canada doing his stand-up, he'd always ask the backstage guys who're on his show. And everytime Ellen was "in the house," the guys always have wonderful things to say about Ellen, how wonderfully funny she is! Aww, that is so sweet! Bill genuinely loves Ellen! Ellen quickly changed the subject to put the focus back on Bill (what a humble host Ellen is!) and asked him about doing stand-up. Bill is still doing it after all these years while Ellen announced previously that she won't be doing it anymore now that she has a daily talk show. But Bill was urging everyone to try to convince her to go on tour again. Sadly, Ellen was pretty firm about not doing it anymore! Oh well, at least we still get to see her on TV doing her daily "mini" stand-up through her hilarious monologue! Then Ellen basically let Bill do all the talking, & boy, was he funny!!! He was talking about his marriage, how he had to go through 3 meetings with the priest before they could get hitched. He griped about the Catholic way good-naturedly 'coz, well, obviously he had to 'coz he's Protestant! Yeah, he also mentioned that his wife "was" Catholic! Guess she's not now, eh? FYI, Bill and his wife have been married for 40 years! Wow!! Bill just did his funny stories telling them, in "Bill Cosby" style..so funny! Ellen just watched the veteran do his thang in admiration! Then Ellen asked him if he really owned show dogs. Yup, he does! They're terriers. But they don't live with him. Also, Bill took the opportunity to explain the origins of the word "gossip" since Ellen's monologue was about gossips & rumors. He found the information from the internet. Apparently, eons ago in England, the king would ask his aides to go down to the pub everyday to listen to what the public had to say before reporting back to him. So the aides would go to the pub and do the listening while sipping bear/drinks. So, their daily "eavesdropping" was called "go-sip" ('coz they'd 'go' to the pub & 'sip' drinks while listening to stories). Then the word "go-sip" turned into "gossip"!!! Wow, that's original!! Ellen responded, "Now, is that a rumor?" Bill mischievously answered, "Yeah, that's the rumor!" Funny! Then they were out of time! But Bill told Ellen that he wanted to come back, much to Ellen's delight! Bill obviously like Ellen very much 'coz he was very chatty! And because Ellen kept stuttering (that's her trademark, I guess!), Bill couldn't help himself & remarked, "You're doing well....we miss you in Speech Class, though..."!! That just did it - Ellen & the audience just cracked up & laughed! Wicked Bill, man!! Hilarious!!

Hanson, now all grown up, performed their single, "Penny & Me," from their new CD, "Underneath."

For Sarah Chalke, the welcome greeting was 'Long Embrace'. So she came out & both she & Ellen had a long hug. After that, Sarah admitted that she didn't know how long a 'Long Embrace' should be so she was a little concerned there, 'coz she's Canadian, and in Canada, becoz of the cold, a simple hug could turn out to be a long one for American standard! (Chuckle!) So Ellen asked how long a hug in Canada would be & Sarah said it could probably last for the entire show! So Ellen suggested that they could perhaps hug and do the interview at the same time! They tried that but it proved to be harder than they thought, so both sat back in their seats! Pretty funny! Have you noticed that Canadians are naturally funny? As k.d. lang would say, it's the cold weather that make the Canucks funny that way! Anyway, Ellen found out that Sarah just bought a house and asked when she was going to move in. Sarah looked at her & said, "We just moved in today... " Ellen was like, "Today?! Ahh, so you don't actually do your own moving, do you?" I guess not! Sarah admitted that she bought the house for her dog....wow, that's nice of her! Yup, a house with a yard & everything! Apparently, when she was living in an apartment, it was cumbersome to take her dog all the way downstairs for a walk or to do her "pee-pee & poo-poo"! She & her dog hit the last straw when one day they were stuck in the elevator for a very long time, with her holding the bag of her dog's "poo" while the poor doggie was howling! FYI, her dog's a chocolate labrador. Her " Scrubs" cast bought it for her! So cool! As a move-in gift, Ellen gave Sarah a door-knocker & a doorbell that has Ellen's infamous expression, "What's that??!!" coming on loud & clear and the bell is pressed! That was so funny!

The big finish today was an encore performance from Hanson singing their old hit song, "Mmm Bop " while Ellen was dancing and singing with them!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Weekends!:
  Ellen rambled about the weekends, that she loves to sleep in during the weekends. She wondered about how great it'd be if the weekend were 5 days instead of just the 2 days! The caddies, for example, must be enjoying their 5 days off (weekdays) while they only have to work 2 days (weekends).. Oh yeah, don't we all wish to be caddies, eh? (Not....!!!)

The "Wheel of Greetings" was brought out again. For Ellen's 1st guest, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, the greeting was a 'Short Hug'. Rebecca came on bearing gifts - yup, her friend from backstage made Ellen a "special" gift - a doll resembling Ellen made out of some sticky candy/gum! Ellen & Rebecca saw each other last week when they bummed into each other in a restaurant while having dinner. Ellen was playing (or rather, snuggling) with Jacky, the less-than-a-year-old baby belonging to Rebecca's friend. Rebecca told everyone that Ellen was so snuggly with Jacky until the poor baby didn't want to be snuggly anymore! So Ellen went on to snuggle Rebecca's puppy instead! They then talked about Rebecca's mom, who's a linguist, but doesn't support the spelling bee because she thinks spelling is a waste of time - this, coming from a linguist?! Aha, Rebecca's mom sure is a rebel, eh? They went on to talk about Rebecca's movies, "The Punisher" and another new one, this time a horror-like flick about human cloning, "Godsend." Both are out in theatres now. Before Rebecca went off-stage, Ellen gave her a gift in return - it was a talking rag doll with Ellen's pictured face on it! And the doll talks in Ellen's voice! Adorable!

Ok, this was in the papers - Ellen brought on a Florida woman, Pamela, who lost her cat 7 years ago. But, she got a shock of her life when on April 1st (yes, April Fool's Day!) this year, she got a call from the San Francisco Pound telling her that they found her long-lost cat...yes, 7 years later, & in San Francisco, 3,000 miles away from home!! Wow, talk about luck of the draw!! So the cat, Cheyenne, was finally reunited with Pamela - she's 10 now, but looks really good. She's been well cared for while she was "lost," somewhere, that's for sure! So Ellen made a plea to the public that if anyone knew what actually happened to Cheyenne these past 7 years, they should contact the show immediately.

Dakota Fanning, the adorably smart and fantastic child actor, came on. Yup, it was her 2nd visit to the show! Ellen obviously adores her 'coz...hey, who wouldn't?! Oh, & by the way, their greeting was a 'One Cheek Kiss.' Dakota, as usual, came to the show bearing gifts!! She's always giving Ellen things every time they see each other! This time, she brought Ellen a parrot piñata! How sweet!! Being the bubbly person that Dakota was, she started enthusiastically telling Ellen about her visit to her dentist 2 days ago. Apparently she had 2 teeth pulled out - a total of 6 teeth now - 'coz they found out that she didn't have any enzyme to remove the roots from her gums, so they had to pull 'em out for her. And now, Dakota's so excited because she gets to wear a retainer!! Boy, talk about being excited with a capital 'E'!!! Yup, she told Ellen that she just picked out her retainer in her favorite color, pink, & she just can't wait to wear it when she finally gets it! Well, Ellen did hear about Dakota's exciting "event," so she gave her a cute little pink-colored retainer case, much to Dakota's delight! That cute little kid could hardly contain herself...aww, that cutie, you just want to pinch her cheeks and give her a bear hug, man!! Anyway, Ellen switched subject and started talking about how absolutely amazing of an actress Dakota is, the fact that she's been in so many movies with great actors! They talked about Dakota's new movie, "Man On Fire," which she stars alongside Denzel Washington & Christopher Walken. Hmm, not a bad company, eh? The movie was shot in Mexico City & Dakota had a great time there!

The big finish today was the hitting of Dakota's Parrot Piñata!! Yup, Dakota went first but she couldn't break it so Ellen did it and in 2 hits with her baseball bat, out came all the candies from the Piñata!! Yay!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• The Thing About Socks Is...:
  Today's monologue was all about Ellen's love for socks!! Yup, she rambled on & on about the ins & outs of socks, how they shape what she wears & towards the end of it, she said, "This is the message today, what I'm getting to..Socks are the unsung hero, they're the unloved stepchild, they're the parsley on the entree. Socks are the wind beneath my wings..!!" Yes, Ellen's THAT into socks, folks!
• This time, her dance routine was...SASS-AY! Yeah, that's right! Well, towards the ending of her routine, she took off her jacket while wrapping up her dance right before sitting down! "I don't know what happened, I got so hot dancing..I felt like taking off my clothes! Thank God the music stopped...!!" By the way, the music Ellen was dancing to was Madonna's very hot single, "Music"!
• Ellen kept her new idea about the "Wheel of Greetings" today but obviously, no sign of Omar Edwards, the tap dancer, who's job was to shut up Ellen and her guests! Yay!! Wild guess - that routine wasn't really popular after yesteday's show, eh? Who knows? But Ellen did express that she still needed some help in getting her guests to take heed when it was time to go for a commercial break. Well, good luck, Ellen!

Jennifer Garner, from the ABC hit drama, "Alias," and the new movie, "13 Going On 30" came on. According to Ellen's "Wheel of Greetings," she and Jennifer were supposed to do the 'One Cheek Kiss' which they did. Ellen started talking about Jennifer's new movie, "13 Going On 30," and raved about it since she saw the movie last night. Ellen asked about the infamous "Thriller" dance routine at the end of the movie, if Jennifer always knew the routine or she had to learn it for the movie. She stated that she kinda knew it 'coz who doesn't know the "Thriller" routine, right? But because of the movie, she had to do some serious choreography with the cast to perfect it. But she had a blast 'coz it was pretty easy for her since she was a ballet dancer before, so choreography was nothing new to her. But Mark Ruffalo, her co-star in the movie, wasn't that lucky. He had to practise hard and Jennifer even had to give him some tips, too! But he turned out perfect! Ellen then echoed what everyone in Hollywood has been saying about Jennifer - that she's gonna be the next big movie star & what not! Ellen went into Jennifer's other day job - her butt- kicking role in the action drama, "Alias," & asked how she could juggle being in movies & doing the high-action series. Jennifer was telling Ellen that it's pretty hectic but she enjoys it. In fact after her appearance on Ellen's show, she had to go to the set to shoot the last scene of the "Alias" season finale where there'd be a great fight scene. So Ellen was marveling at how Jennifer could keep everything in check! The young actor just nonchalantly said that the best thing was to keep everything in balance. She basically trains herself not to get too excited for the movie, or the series, but instead of elaborating on the balancing thing, Jennifer uttered, "but we'll leave that for Oprah.." which the audience let out a big cry almost immediately..& Ellen stopped short upon hearing the word, "Oprah"! But being the good sport that she is, Ellen carried on with the interview, with the audience laughing, this time asking about Jennifer's working hours on "Alias" but Jennifer seemed reluctant to talk about it & said, "Do you really wanna know this?" to which Ellen quickly responded, "No, leave it for Oprah!" Hah, that was funny!! She got Jennifer right there!! And the next time Ellen asked Jennifer about something that would remotely branch out to something deeper, she stopped & before Jennifer could reply, she said, "Oh, we'll leave it for Dr. Phil!" Hilarious! Then they went on to talk about Jennifer's school years. Apparently, Jennifer was in the marching band & played the sax! She was pretty much a geek and didn't start dating until she was 16 or 17. And before Jennifer had to elaborate on that, Ellen wickedly cut it short and said, "We'll leave it for the Queer Eye"! Guffaw! Guffaw!! Bet Jennifer never saw that coming, eh? Ellen found out that Jennifer likes to ride her bike to the set at the Disney Studios where "Alias" is shot, and knew that she was looking for streamers for her bike for a long time. So Ellen surprised Jennifer when the crew brought out Jennifer's bike and sure enough, there were streamers!! Good ol' Ellen!

Jamie Kennedy, from WB's "Jamie Kennedy X-periment," came on. His "greeting" with Ellen was supposedly 'Short Hug' but Ellen changed it to 'Long Embrace' instead...'coz they knew each other! Before Ellen could start her interview, Jamie announced to everyone that Ellen was the one who gave him his start when she cast him as his neighbor in her sitcom, "Ellen." How sweet! Jamie just returned from shooting the sequel of "The Mask" in Australia. Before arriving in the U.S., he stopped in a tiny island called Bora Bora. He further revealed that when he was in that island, he wanted to do some reading and guess what, they had Ellen's new book, "The Funny Thing Is..."!!! Well, it's official! Ellen's popular in Bora Bora, ladies & gentlemen! Did you know that Ellen joined forces with Jamie to play a prank on 3 unsuspecting women from the audience today?! Wow, it was funny. Yup, before the show started and the while audience was still waiting outside, Jamie, just like in his show, put on a disguise and got 3 women to volunteer to do something for the show. He basically told them that all the bad dancing that Ellen had been showing through the looky-loo was basically staged. It was done to get ratings! The women really soaked up the story!! So Jamie told the women that for today's show, they'd been chosen to do some bad dancing so that Ellen could pick them out to be shown on the looky-loo to have a laugh & get some ratings going! He even went as far as getting Ellen to come out from backstage to greet the women to thank them for doing her a favor!! The worst thing was Jamie taught these poor gullible women some BAD dance moves!! Really bad ones! Before he let them back to the audience outside, he made them swear not to tell a soul about the whole thing, which of 'coz, the women, kept their word 'coz sure enough, they did as they were told and did those bad dance moves!! And when Ellen showed them on the looky-loo, she couldn't stop laughing, not just because the dance moves were so horribly funny, but that she played a prank on those poor women! So, Jamie finally revealed to the women on the show that they'd just been "X-ed"!! That was great!

The big finish today was dancing! Yup, Ellen called up the 3 "X-ed" women, who were really good sports, by the way, along with Jamie, to dance with her!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Rambling Away:
  "What I've learnt about myself...I'd like to get right to the point..I don't have time to dilly-dally, no time beating around the bush, ...just trim the fat..no time at the present 'coz people are just wasting time ramblin'!!! I'm not one of 'em...Not me!! I won't talk like 'em!! Nosiree, Bob! They waste your time!" Yeah, right, Ellen, you're the Queen of Ramble, man,what are you talking about, eh?! The audience was of 'coz cracking up so loudly 'coz of the obvious subject! "You know those people who like to start off the sentence with 'guess what?'? They know the answer's gonna be 'what?'!! That's a time-waster! It's just a habit they get into, you know. Although there are exceptions... And then you have people that ask you, 'Hey, can I ask you a question?'! And then you have...the big thing that rappers are saying, you know...'You know what I'm sayin'?'..the constant 'You know what I'm sayin'?'!! They do it even without finishing the sentence!!"
• Ellen told everyone that she's been having problems trying to gauge her guests' greeting habits. For instance, when Isabella Rossellini came on, she thought they'd do the 2 kisses on the cheek greeting, but she obviously read it wrong when Isabella only wanted to shake hands with her! It was all very embarrassing to her so today, she thought she'd introduce a new rule based on the "Wheel of Greetings" that had a choice of greetings, like 'Handshake,' 'One Cheek Kiss,' '2 Cheek Kiss,' 'Short Hug,' 'Long Embrace,' 'Curtsy', 'Wave'. Just like the "Wheel of Fortune" game show, she'd spin it and wherever the pointer stops at, that'd be the greeting her guests would have to follow. Anyway, Ellen spun the wheel and the pointer ended on 'Short Hug.' So she told everyone that her guests should follow it! Well, let's see if the guests would be as obedient as Ellen was planning, eh?
• Another thing that Ellen noticed was that she's been having a hard time taking the show to commercial breaks especially when she has to interrupt her guests who may be talking. So she thought of a new way today. She got the guy from "Showtime at The Apollo< /i>" (comes on after "Saturday Night Live" on NBC in most areas) who tap dances the performer off the stage if he/she goes beyond the time limit. Yes, so today, Omar Edwards, the tap dancer, did the same thing when it was time for a commercial break, regardless of whether Ellen's guests or Ellen herself, was talking! I must say, although it was a fresh idea, having a tap dancing guy basically shut up the guests and the host in order to go to a commercial break, but the act couldn't help causing a little "hiccup" to the flow of the show, if you know what I mean. Oh, what do I know, eh? Anyway....

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Nicknames vs. Shortnames:
  "You realize that I have to call you 'Ladies & Gentlemen' because I simply hadn't had time to learn all your names. But 'Ladies & Gentlemen' covers it, it really does. I'd prefer to call you by your 1st names 'coz it's more personable in every way but that would take a long time! My name, by the way, is Ellen. Our stage manager, Jonathan, when we first met, Jonathan, decides to call me 'El'...right away, just narrow it down to 'El', didn't have the time to learn the whole name..& uh, part of that charmed me... but part of it annoyed me becoz uh...I felt like he was rushing me becoz I wasn't there yet for the relationship to start, you know... these people that get cozy with you all of a sudden, & 'El', you know..it's..it's 'Ellen'! And it's fine, I like it now, some people call me 'El' &... but I'm, I'm kinda formal, I still call my mother 'Mrs. DeGeneres'...[the camera immediately panned to where Betty DeGeneres was sitting, who was of 'coz laughing!] Yeah, I don't like to rush into things like that! Now shortening a name is different than a nickname. A lot of people give people nicknames, like immediately...any doctor, immediately is reduced to 'Doc', you know..here's 12 years of medical school & they become one of the dwarfs immediately. That doesn't seem fair! I can be 3 of the 7 dwarfs just if I get to bed too late - I'm immediately 'Grumpy', 'Sleepy' & 'Dopey.' But no one calls me that..Now that's the thing about nicknames too..is all of a sudden, once you have a nickname, & if it stays long enough, no one remembers your real name! The nicknames, though, you earn nicknames, don't you? Sometimes, you know, all of a sudden, you can kinda tell the personality of somebody if somebody says, 'I'm going to go over, uh, Lampshadeheads' & you know who that is right away! I like people who give themselves nicknames, you know, when you meet them - 'My name is Jim but everybody calls me Moondog..' Sometimes they're meant to me, there's a little sense of humor, you know - somebody who's a tall guy, his nickname is 'Shorty,' or a bald guy, his name is 'Curly,' you know, or a millionaire, his name is '50 Cent'...! Something like that, you know...!"
• This time, Ellen's dance routine changed...just a WEE bit! It was her first time dancing toward Tony's area! And she also "boogied" a little with one of the audience members & one of the producers who was sitting behind one of the cameras! G-r-o-o-v-y!!
• It seems that the show's brand new segment, "How Come You're Not On TV?" which Ellen introduced yesterday has taken off very well indeed 'coz people have been responding to it on the website. Today, Ellen showed a video of an 8-year-old boy who sent in his tape even before Ellen introduced the new segment! He was actually asking Ellen if he could be on the show! So his tape was actually a demo tape of him showing off his talent - just imagine a tiny tot of an 8-year-old sitting behind an adult set of drums taller than he is, seamlessly beating the drums & cymbals ever so professionally to the song...."Wipe Out"!!!!! If you remember the song/music, you'll know that there are lots and lots of drum beatings in it, & in high speed too!! And the boy nailed all the beats in the song!! Bravo! Now THAT'S talent, man! Well, we'll see if he'll appear on the show especially when he hinted in his letter that he resides in California...!

Simon Baker, from the CBS hit drama, "The Guardian," came on, dressed ever so casually. Ellen immediately took on a keen interest in what he was wearing 'coz it's just like what she'd wear including those infamous tennis shoes! Apparently, Simon's on vacation right now, hence the casual wear. But he said he was actually dressed up for the show! So Ellen asked what he'd normally wear if he weren't on the show & he said, shorts! Ellen found out that Simon hates using deodorant, so he doesn't use it! He only wears it if he's a little "on the nose" (stinky). Otherwise, he never wears it. Ellen just looked at him in amazement! She revealed that he smelled great when she hugged him earlier, so I guess he doesn't need it, eh? Simon, as you may know, is an Aussie. Ellen asked if he had a nickname. His was "Smiley" & Ellen immediately retorted, "Or maybe they were calling you 'Smelly'!!" Aha, she got him right there! But Simon told Ellen that he did have a friend who's nickname was "Smelly." But back to his nickname, he got it because of his charmingly beautiful smile, obviously! And he immediately told Ellen how he thought she had a beautiful smile when he was backstage watching her on TV waiting to come on. Of 'coz that made Ellen blush and gave a shy (with a little mischievous touch, that is) "thank you"!! Ellen then asked Simon what he was doing before he got into acting. Guess what, he actually went into nursing!! But he immediately knew he made a bad choice 'coz he couldn't stand complaining! So his nursing experience lasted 3 months, which is pretty amazing considering he hates listening to patient complaints! So Ellen brought up the fact that Simon has 3 kids 'coz she was wondering how patient a dad he was since he hated complaining. That put Simon on the spot, pretty much, so he called her "cheeky"!! But believe it or not, Ellen didn't know what "cheeky" meant! She was like, "What's that mean?" So Simon explained that it meant "a little bit precocious, a little bit naughty, but in a good way.." Then Ellen remarked, "Thank you...call me Ms. DeGeneres!" It was pretty funny, especially when Simon called Ellen "cheeky" and she just looked at him like, "What the hell are you talking about?!"

Liz Phair performed her single, "Extraordinary", from her new self-titled CD.

Cheri Oteri, from "Saturday Night Live" came on. Seems like Ellen simply loves Cheri 'coz she couldn't stop telling her how hilarious she is & makes her laugh so hard. Anyway, Cheri came on and danced a little with Ellen. Ellen found out that Cheri just returned from her trip to China! Yup, she was in Shanghai, which she described as being in Manhattan, basically, 'coz it's just like any other busy city. But her dream came true when she arrived at this small town called "JingXi" (?) to do some filming. That was what she was dreaming about & hoping to see in China - an ancient historical place that she read so much about before going to China! So she was basically soaking up the historical, time-suspended feeling, watching shoemakers make shoes from scratch by the narrow streets, watching a woman washing clothes by the river the ancient, traditional way (beating the clothes with a stick to clean them or something!) but just as she was lost in "ancient China," all of a sudden, the woman's cell phone rang...& poof!!! The whole ancient feel just vanished & it was like she was transferred back to LA!! By this time, Ellen was already cackling helplessly, 'coz of the way Cheri was telling the story! Cheri is one funny lady, man! And then she went on to tell yet another story. Apparently, she recently had a bee problem in her house. She found out that bees were actually nesting behind the wall of her guest room!! Yup, believe it or not, when the wall was finally torn down, sure enough, there was a 6-foot honeycomb hanging there!! Jeez leweez!! And she actually brought a jar of honey taken from the very honeycomb she discovered behind her wall!! That was hilarious!!

The big finish today was fantastic! It was a mini performance, so to speak, inspired by the 8-year-old boy who sent in a tape of him playing the drums to the song, "Wipe Out"! So to pay homage to that excellent performance, Ellen, Cheri & Simon each played the drums while "Wipe Out" was playing loudly in the background!! Oh, and Ellen was wearing Simon's outfit (yes, the shirt & the pants which he was wearing earlier, for crying out loud!) - gee, guess she REALLY loved what he was wearing, then! And Simon was spotted wearing a pair of carpenter shorts! 3 of them were having fun playing the drums! Fantabulous!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• What's The Deal With the Traffic Jam?!:
  "I don't like the traffic jams because at least there should be a reason for it. The traffic jams..have you ever..you're driving, & then just out of nowhere, everyone just stops?! How could that happen??!! How can everyone stop, just completely sudden stop, & then you just go looking for whatever that made everyone stop...nothing..!! What happened that everyone stopped??! How?! I wanna see some kinda cause of it...I wanna see....& sometimes, it's just, you know what it is, people are just slowing down to see just that one shoe lying by the side of the road!! What's happening that there's just one shoe all the time?! I feel like the cause of the whole traffic thing...number 1, I'm gonna go out on the limb & say...the problem with the traffic is...too many drivers..I'm gonna say it. That's what I think the cause of it is. The bad drivers, really, not us, it's the bad drivers! You're supposed to just drive, you get in the car & you drive! Then you have people who're on the cell phone, not paying attention; or the people...the cause of the main traffic problem, I think, that, people who drive at the suggested speed limit...!! It is suggested, right? I mean, they don't mean that! Who takes that seriously?! 55??! I prefer 70,..you know!! And also, when you're driving & you know that car that pulls up right on your bumper, right on your rear bumper & they flash their lights, trying to get you to go faster? ...That's me..yeap! Out of my way, I need to get to work!"
• Ellen announced yet another new segment on the show. This time, it's called, "How Come You're Not On TV?" This segment is to celebrate people with special, unique talents/gifts, but yet haven't seen the light of day. So, Ellen is giving people a chance to send in a video of what they can do...Nothing gross, please! You can go to the show's website here to check out the details of how you can get Ellen's attention with your special talent..

Ellen's first guest was Isabella Rossellini!! Yup, the ageless model/actress you've been seeing on virtually all stores carrying the Lancome product! Before she came on, Ellen kept pronouncing Isabella's name in an Italian accent! She obviously adores Ms. Rossellini. When Isabella came on, Ellen just couldn't hide her excitement of meeting her & screamed, "You're maybe the coolest person in the world!" Ellen started asking her why she still has the Italian accent which really behooved Isabella especially since she's been living in New York for the past 33 years! Isabella admitted that she couldn't really mimic the different American accents. Thus, she never does American accents in movies - sure, she's done Russian, French, but no American, please! Isabella is obviously multi-lingual due to her many travels as a model. She's fluent in Italian, French & English. Then the Spanish comes free 'coz she can just borrow some words from Italian and/or French, and voila! You find out you can learn another language. In her case, it's Spanish! This may sound surprising especially in the modeling industry, but did you know that Isabella only started modeling when she was 28?! She was telling Ellen about the whole experience. Apparently nobody knew she was 28 until one day she was asked about her age after she's done some modeling already. And when she revealed that she was 28, they were all shocked out of their wits!! They were like, "What?! 28?! How come you didn't tell us?! Models usually retire when they reach 26!!" It was funny! Ellen also told everyone that Isabella's the only record-holder of appearing on 4 consecutive covers of Vogue - which means 4 consecutive months!! Wow! Anyway, Isabella has worked as a model for the last 25 years. She also branched out into the world of acting as well, following the footsteps of her famous mom, the ledendary Ingrid Bergman. And now, Isabella's daughter, Eletra, is starting her modeling career! Isabella has a new movie coming out, an indie movie called, "The Saddest Music In The World." It's about a baroness who sells beer. She plays the baroness who believes that sadness leads people to drink. So she sets out to create this competition to find the saddest music in the world so people will get sad, thus will be inclined to drink. So she can cash in on that! Plus, she's an amputee - she has no legs! Her prosthetic legs are made out of beer bottles!! Talk about extraordinarily odd of a movie plot! Ellen showed a clip of the movie and it was in black & white. So I assume the entire show is in black & white. Check it out if you're into original, indie flicks.

Bill Rancic, the winner of "The Apprentice," came on, glowing with joy and excitement since he's been virtually talk-show-hopping ever since taking the crown in the Donald Trump show. Ellen was asking if it was indeed true that he'll oversee the development of the new Trump tower in Chicago, which he is, apparently. Ellen also revealed that there may be a spin-off reality show that follows Bill's road to getting the new Trump tower completed. However, Bill wouldn't confirm that the show would happen. So I guess we'll know if we catch a promo of that on TV.

The legendary, always delightful & funny Debbie Reynolds came on, dancing her way to the song "Singing In The Rain," with Ellen. Did you know she's already 72??!! Boy, she sure doesn't look or act it, man! Anyway, Debbie has been entertaining people for the past 55 years...I mean, she was in the classic musical, "Singing In The Rain," singing and dancing away alongside screen legend, Gene Kelly, for crying out loud!! Boy, and she's still kicking! Debbie has a one-woman show going & she's been traveling everywhere performing it - singing, dancing, and doing impressions!! And before you can catch another breath, there she was, right in front of Ellen & the audience, spitting out some good Katherine Hepburn & Barbra Streisand impressions!! Woww! Debbie is in the new movie, "Connie & Carla" co-starring with Nia Vardalos, David Duchovny & Toni Collette. When Ellen asked how she got involved with the movie, guess what she said? "They were looking for somebody to play Debbie Reynolds & I was still alive & I know Debbie Reynolds real well, so.." Ellen was expressing to Debbie how much in awe she was of her for her long-lasting career but before Ellen knew it, Debbie responded with this: "I thought I'd have retired by now but I kept marrying idiots!!" Guffaw! Guffaw!! Yup, Debbie rendered Ellen absolutely speechless with that remark!! That's classic wicked Debbie Reynolds, man! Hilarious! You can also catch Debbie in action on "Will & Grace," playing Debra Messing's mom.

The big finish today was Ellen "trying" to do some archery! She actually tried doing that but failed miserably at the beginning of the show, poor thing. So, obviously she was determined to get it done by the end of the show! But this time around, she managed to let go of the arrow successfully and it hit pretty close to the target! But her 2nd shot went into the wall instead! Funny!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen taught us 3 things we need to do in case of an emergency:
  - Turn off your gas
  - Turn off your electricity, &
  - Drink your white wine before it becomes room temperature!
  Now that's important!!

Tina Fey, from "Saturday Night Live," came on. FYI, she's the 1st woman head writer on the long-running NBC variety show! Fantastic! But when Ellen brought it up, Tina just brushed it off quickly, saying that it wasn't really a big deal & she was the co-head writer. Ellen mentioned that the last time they saw each other was at the Emmys which Tina quickly told everyone an incident that happened when she saw Ellen, much to Ellen's embarrassment! Apparently, Ellen was very hungry after the Award show was over, so she was busy gobbling up some food at the after-party. But since everybody seems to know Ellen, a lot of people came up to her while she was eating, wanting to talk to her. So by the time Tina came by & tapped her on the shoulder, she was probably already wishing that people would just leave her alone to finish her meal! Tina had wanted to congratulate Ellen about her new talk show but guess what, Ellen did not recognize her at all, especially when Tina was all dressed up and wasn't wearing any glasses! So Ellen just quickly said 'Hi ' to the woman next to her whom she didn't know it was her idol, Tina Fey, then, and turned back to chow down on her food. Only after Tina left her table did she realized, "Was that Tina Fey?" who probably thought how rude Ellen was for brushing her off like that! So she literally tracked down Tina to apologize! How sweet was she, eh? Then they talked about Tina writing for "SNL." Ellen asked if there had been any celebrity who confronted her about her wicked parodies on them. Tina remembered that one of the parodies she wrote where Gwyneth Paltrow played Sharon Stone got her into a little bit of trouble - apparently Sharon Stone was not very pleased with the parody about her but good thing she didn't know that Tina was the one who wrote it! Ellen immediately reminded Tina that even if Sharon didn't know before, she would, now that Tina just "owned up" on this show! Then Tina also told everyone that Barbara Walters once wrote a cryptic letter to the "SNL" writers apparently after a parody about "The View". While the letter sounded pleasant and everything, but by the end of reading the letter, everyone knew what Barbara meant - it was like, "Yeah, yeah, it was funny & all, but that's it, enough, no more!"

Tina has a new movie coming out at the end of the month, "Mean Girls," which she wrote as well. Ellen was raving about how smart & funny it was after watching the advance screening yesterday. Lindsay Lohan, from "Freaky Friday", who, BTW, will be one of the Ellen's guests next week, stars in it as well. Tinatalked about writing the teen comedy, how absolutely mean teens can be especially in this day & age. "Mean Girls" opens on April 30th. Do check it out if you're interested!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• There was a new segment called "The Holla Awards" which was inspired by a letter that was sent to Ellen where the 2 kids talked about their latest class project, "Random Acts of Kindness," which they wanted Ellen to let out a "holla" (a shout-out, in case anyone of you confuses it with something else!) to their P.E. teacher whom they thought deserved it. Anyway, Ellen mentioned this yesterday & urged people to write in if they knew of anyone who'd deserve the "Holla Award" shout-out from Ellen for their random acts of kindness. So, today, she read one of the many e-mails she received about this segment. She and her crew even did the whole re-enactment of the whole incident mentioned in the e-mail that talked about this person who deserved the "Holla Award" because of his random act of kindness. In the end, Ellen took out a loud-speaker & shouted out "Holla" (the proper English spelling is, "Holler") to that person! It was crazy, I tell ya, but defintely fun & original!!

The wait's over. Janet Jackson came on, looking real good with her fabulous abs showing & all! Ellen started raving about Janet's great performance on "Saturday Night Live" where she actually poked fun at herself about the recent hoopla about her breast-showing stint at the Superbowl, only this time she "bared" her breast as "Condoleeza Rice"!!! If you saw Janet's performance on "SNL," you'll know what the joke was about! Anyway, Ellen raved about how good an actress Janet is and mentioned that people tend to overlook her acting talent which is obviously overshadowed by her status as a great pop star/performer. Then something happened during their sit-down chat. There was some fizzling noise from Janet's mic, so Ellen interrupted the interview to check if Janet's hair was causing that noise, which Janet gave her a puzzled look! Then of 'coz Ellen couldn't pass up the golden opportunity to get her 2 cents in about Janet's infamous stint that's causing a ruckus in the nation - "Well, those malfunctions happen! " which cause the audience to erupt into screams of laughter! Janet was a great sport, she was laughing & was obviously amused by Ellen's inescapable joke! But Ellen, being the expert interview that she's gotten now, immediately changed the subject and went back to talking about Janet's acting skills & asked if she was going to do any more acting. Janet's actually reading some scripts sent to her but because she's going to prepare for her tour, it's unlikely that she'll get into acting anytime soon. She starts touring in September. Her 1st stop is gonna be Vancouver because she'll be doing the production rehearsals in that city. Then Ellen asked, "Can I be a back-up singer?" Janet looked at her, amused, "Can you sing?" "Not really...Can I dance with you?" replied Ellen. Then again, Janet gave her an amused look and asked, "Can you dance?" Then caught herself 'coz she'd seen Ellen dance & quickly yelled, "Yes, of 'coz you can! Yes!" She even told Ellen that she had rhythm which obviously pleased Ellen when she proudly exclaimed, "I'm part of the Rhythm Nation!" Then Janet seriously hoped that Ellen would get up on stage to dance with her in her concert! Wow, wouldn't it be fantastic to see Ellen showing up on stage with Janet at the concert?! Well, it may happen, folks!! Never say never, when Ellen is concerned!!

There were 2 things that Ellen wanted to do with Janet while she was there. First, she wanted to do some work-out stuff with Janet & then, of 'coz dance so she could get some dance tips from her guest. For the work-out, Ellen tried to convince Janet to do something with those big exercise balls but Janet wouldn't 'coz the balls that Ellen had were much smaller than those that she has. Also, she only uses them for her back, not for anything else that Ellen suggested. But being a good sport, Janet suggested rollers instead. Good thing Ellen's crew was prepared for that 'coz Ellen didn't even know what they were for! Anyway, Janet showed Ellen how to use the rollers to stretch out the abs. Gosh, it looked really difficult. Even jocky Ellen couldn't do it the 1st time around! Then Ellen invited Janet's choreographer and several audience members to do some dancing with her and Janet. It was funny as Janet started to teach Ellen how to move her abs & butt!

David Arquette came on, all dressed up Vegas-style, with a hat, smokes in one hand & a drink in another! Yup, Rat Pack style, which coincided with his new Showtime movie called, "Stealing Sinatra." But the drink turned out to be apple juice and David doesn't smoke anymore, so obviously the cigarette wasn't lighted! FYI, the movie's based on a true story of the real kidnapping of Frank Sinatra, Jr., which caused some controversy when Frank Sinatra, Jr., was rumored to have been involved in his own kidnapping. Anyway, the movie's a dark comedy which also stars William H. Macy. David was actually confronted by Frank Sinatra, Jr. while he was in Vegas because of his involvement in "Stealing Sinatra" which wass obviously not approved by the Sinatra family! But it ended up well, much to David's relief! Then Ellen asked about Courtney Cox's pregnancy & how the couple was preparing for the arrival for the baby who's due in July. David was a little fidgety & at a loss at what to do with their 3 dogs 'coz they couldn't think of how to prepare them for the baby, especially since 2 of them sleep in the couple's bed every night. David & Courtney are also busy throwing around names for their baby - Gizmo if it's a boy & Saxperella if it's a girl!!! Jeez!!! Now if nothing's gonna screw up the kid when he or she grows up, his/her given name's gonna do the trick, I tell ya!! It was very funny indeed especially the horrified look that Ellen gave David on hearing those God-awful, twisted names!!

The Big Finish today was very special - in fact, Ellen told everyone it was her BEST one so far! So guess what it turned out to be? Well, Ellen approached the audience and started to conduct the crowd to sing the show's theme song a capella!!!! That was simply fantabulous, man!!

Note to the FEASTers (FEAST is the message board/forum from this website): Hmm.... isn't it interesting that your recent discussion on the theme song of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" on the Board & how nobody knew the lyrics and then..BAM!! Ellen started getting the lyrics out there at the end of today's show, singing along with the crowd, making sure that everyone knew the lyrics?!! Talk about coincidence, eh? Very, very interesting indeed!! So, you know what, carry on discussing more interesting stuff regarding Ellen's show. Who knows, she'll be "responding" to them on her show ever so subtlely...again!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• It's bird season right now and Ellen was telling everyone how the birds are busy nesting outside her house. She actually talked about it extensively in yesterday's monologue. Today she reminded everyone, at the request of the bird specialist, that the moving of the bird's nest from its original place should only be done as a last resort.

First up, the one, the only, JOHN TRAVOLTA!!!! Gosh, can't believe this guy's 50 already!! He came on dressed casually in jeans and danced with Ellen! Obviously, Ellen was very excited to see John as she's been his fan (remember he was mentioned in her latest book? Well..) for a long time. Haven't we all been, eh? Anyway, Ellen started asking John about his recent 50th birthday celebration. His wife, Kelly Preston, actually planned it for a whole year and kept it from John without his knowing about it! It was a surprise birthday bash which was held in Mexico. Yup, Kelly actually had all the guests flew all the way to Mexico just to celebrate John's birthday! Talk about the love, the commitment that Kelly has for John!! Awww...what a great couple! So, he was explaining to Ellen about the whole surprise thing which he didn't even know, even after Kelly brought him to the hotel where he spotted some celebrities already! He actually thought it was probably a coincidence to see them instead of suspecting that they were the guests of his own birthday party!! And because Kelly told the guests not to shout out, "Surprise!" when they saw John. So everyone was pretty quiet sitting there and poor John actually thought they were employees of the hotel! Imagine that!! He had NO CLUE!! Wow!! The funniest thing was, when he finally saw Oprah & Barbra walking toward him, he thought he'd died & gone to heaven!! Anyway, the guest list was phenomenal - Barbra Streisand, Tony Bennett, Carly Simon, Oprah Winfrey, Natalie Cole, you name 'em, they were there, most probably!!!! Anyway, John told everyone that by the time Tony Bennett sang "Fly Me To The Moon" to him, he was literally in tears sobbing...snot..all over his face (which wasn't a pretty sight, I bet!), getting so touched by the whole thing! So it was truly an unforgettable event for him. Ellen asked if what he's gonna do for Kelly's birthday, if he was gonna top it with something even more extravagant. John uttered that Kelly's not 50 yet for the next 10 years and he always does something special for Kelly's birthday, so her BIG milestone should be celebrated when she turns 50.

Then Ellen showed everyone a picture of John & Kelly on the cover of Architectural Digest , posing in their home. In the background of the picture, sure enough, there was a jet parked right outside the car port, like any car, only this one's a jet!!! Gee leweez!! John actually built the house around his jets, as he'd always wanted ever since the 60s era! He's also a vintage car collector. In front of his house, he has some cool vintage wheels including a '55 and '57 T-bird!! Ellen couldn't stop raving about his house, his jet, vintage cars and what have ya! So John happily suggested that Ellen should do her show at his house one day! Gee, now THAT'S a wonderful offer Ellen shouldn't pass up! Well, we'll see if that indeed comes true, eh?

After that, the both of them talked about John's new movie, "The Punisher," in which he plays a villain. He told everyone he had fun making it, playing a villain again, especially when this movie's based on a comic book. The movie also stars Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. John didn't really pitch the movie much, though, which hmm...may say a lot about it! Well, we don't really know. One thing's for sure is, he had fun being in it! Now, did you know that John wears his underwear inside out 'coz of the labels/tags that keep bothering his skin? Ellen does that too! Both of them actually cut out the hanging tags from their clothing! Now THAT'S attitude, man!!

Goran Visjnic, from the long-running NBC hit drama, "ER," came on. He also has a new movie coming out, "Close Your Eyes." Ellen tackled Goran's last name first off, asking how it should be pronounced. As you may know, Goran's from Croatia. As with other Croatians' last names, Goran's is just as complicated. It's actually pronounced as "Vi(ch)ni(ch)"!! Then Ellen asked what "ER" was in Crotian, and messed it up when she tried to pronounce it after Goran! It was funny! Anyway, Goran was living in Crotia & his first movie, "Welcome To Sarajevo," brought him to the US as he did some promotions for the movie. Then he started getting some gigs here and there including an appearance in Madonna's sexy music video, "Power To Say Goodbye," in which he had to kiss the diva!! Anyway, he was traveling back and forth between the US and Croatia all that while. Then one day, his agent called him up to tell him about a casting call for a role in "ER." He couldn't believe it 'coz "ER" was the #1 foreign drama airing in Croatia at that time! So, he went for an audition & the rest is history! Additionally, he decided to move to the US permanently after he got a job in the long-running hit drama series.

The big finish today was BIG!! Ellen had always wanted to dance with John Travolta for a long time and finally, her dream came true! She and John danced to the song of John's classic hit that inaugarated him to a major star, "Saturday Night Fever," complete with all those famous moves in the movie! Waaay cool!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Tony told everyone about his Las Vegas gig this past weekend. He DJed for the post-VH-1 Diva Live show parties!! Everyone there was asking him about Ellen! That was cool!
• Ellen proudly told everyone that the show's "Big Finish" segment has been so popular since its inception that it was featured in 3 magazines - US Magazine, In Touch, & People magazines!! Super COOL!! FYI, the picture that was featured was of Jessica Simpson with an awfully panic-stricken facial expression while riding the scooter - if you saw that episode, she nearly rode her scooter into the wall!!

Barry Manilow sang his classic hit, "Mandy." Before Barry went to sit with Ellen for a chat, Ellen admitted that she was one of Barry's "Fanilows" (fans). There were quite a few "Fanilows" in the audience as well. The first thing Barry did after he sat down beside Ellen was to take out the Ellen Boxer Shorts that he was given backstage from his pocket to show Ellen! He couldn't believe it so he had to ask her if it wasn't a joke! Ellen found out that Barry recently had a heart scare, which also happened to Ellen a couple of years ago. He had some fibrillations when he was busy preparing for shows, so he knew that the stress caused it. He had to go to the hospital & had the same procedure Ellen had to stop the fibrillations. As if that wasn't enough, Ellen also found out that Barry had a freak accident in his hotel room in the middle of the night - he walked right into the wall while stumbling to find the bathroom in the dark! Barry's also going to be the celebrity judge on "American Idol" today. But he only agreed to do it if he could get to work with the contestants & do some extreme makeovers of his songs to suit each of them. And he did that with those kids for weeks to prepare for it! Talk about being total commitment, man! FYI, before Barry got famous, he used to write songs for commercials - Dr. Pepper, State Farm Insurance, & Band Aid. Impressive!

Nia Vardalos, best known for her suprising & instant success of her "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" movie, & now with a new movie which she also wrote in theatres now, "Connie & Carla," came on. She and Ellen obviously know each other. They were chatting so cosily. She also admitted that she's a "Fanilow" as well, disclosing that she fell in love with Barry Manilow's song, "Mandy" when she was 17! Ellen then talked about Nia's last name, saying that even though they're friends, she was still struggling to pronounce it correctly. Vardalos is actually pronounced as "Var" and "Dallas" together. Her real full name is actually Antonia Eugenia Vardalos. Ellen asked what "Vardalos" meant and Nia explained that in English, it meant "Miller." Ellen then said she knew what her first name meant, which was "Ruth." So her name's actually "Ruth Miller!!" Then she started calling Nia "Ruth"! It was funny! Ellen then asked Nia about "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and how it was first noticed. FYI, Nia wrote it for her one-woman show on stage. But Rita Wilson, Tom Hank's wife, who's also Greek, saw the show and immediately told Tom about it. The next thing Nia knew, she got a phone call from Tom asking if he & Rita could make it into a movie! Nia talked about how the success of the movie had all kinds of people from different cultures & ethnicity walking up to her appreciating the story which they related so well! There was one woman who came up to her & insisted that Nia accept her gift, which was a good-luck bracelet. After a few rejections from Nia, the woman suddenly exclaimed, "Listen! I'm having a menopause. You do not want to make me mad!!" Of 'coz, Nia immediately took the gift!! And she gave it to Ellen because it was supposed to be given to someone she loves & she loves Ellen!! That was so sweet of her! Then they talked about Nia's new movie, "Connie & Carla." Nia talked about the reason she wrote it was because she did a lot of musical theatres before so she wanted to write something about that. But she remembered feeling weird writing about the romantic part, like typing in "I'm kissing David Duchovny," & while she was saying that she looked at Ellen and uttered, "Jealous?" in a mischievous way. At that moment, the audience erupted into fits of laughter, screams & claps & Ellen gave Nia the "look" - well, we all know that the last thing on Ellen's mind is to feel jealous about Nia kissing David Duchovny, right? It was hilarious because the moment the audience erupted, Nia realized what she just said 'coz I'm sure in the midst of their girl-talk, she "forgot" so she was literally in tears from laughter at her "mistake"!!! Ellen just looked at her like, "Am I jealous?! Are you kiddin' me?!!" Classic, man!!

The big finish today was fantastic!!! Barry played "Copacabana" on the piano while Ellen & Nia, wrapped with those "feathery things" (you know what I'm talking about!), sang & danced around him & the piano!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Food That Needs Work!:
  "I had a good day. Some people say that the most important meal of the day is breakfast & I agree. This morning, I had a nice omelette... becoz it's easy! You just have eggs & you put stuff on it &...fold it over! But some food isn't nice. This is what I've learnt - a lot of food is work & I don't know why it's necessary but case in point, pistaschio nuts. Are you with me on the pistaschio nuts?! I like the way it sounds...They sound nice but they're so not pleasant to eat! The other night I was at a soire...it's a party..but it's a party where you don't know whose house it is..You don't know who to apologize to the next day!! So anyway, I was at the soire & uh.. bowls of pistaschio nuts. Thank God they weren't the pink-dye ones where your fingers stay pink for days! Anyway, it was the regular pistaschio nuts & I think they're tasty but when you're trying those pistaschio nuts they're like..crazy glue shut! It took me like an hour to eat TWO of them! I had an hour...it turned out they were art pieces!! They weren't pistaschio nuts at all! Which is why everybody clapped when I opened one! And another food that is hard work is artichokes, & people love them! They bring them out...I will never pretend to even understand the allure of the artichokes! The petals...there aren't anything on these petals! But they bring 'em out like, 'Oooo, artichokes!' you know! It's really, you dip 'em in the sauce. It's all about the sauce! I could dip my library card in there & could just get as much satisfaction, you know! Really, artichokes is just an excuse to eat mayonnaise, isn't it?!" "I won't even go into the coconuts! I assume no one here works with explosives? I don't know how we learn that there's even anything inside of a coconut! How did they figure it out?! 'Coz you try slamming it on the cement, you're hitting it with the hammer, & it's amazing they don't ever give up! I'm sure there's something delicious inside a coffee table...you know!!"

Dennis Franz came on looking a little overwhelmed by the cheering crowd, the dancing & the music! He was looking at Ellen in amazement & said, "You got yourself your own American Bandstand here!" Then he pitched in about food that needs work - pomegrenates! Well, Ellen wouldn't know 'coz she doesn't eat 'em! Anyway, Ellen was saying that she & Dennis only see each other at award shows & Dennis added that it's even harder when Ellen's been hosting virtually all of them now! Ellen started talking about Dennis' long-running hit TV drama, "NYPD Blue," which is in its 11th year now. Apparently, the show's gonna wrap up its series finale next year. Then Ellen commented that she'd like to show everyone a clip from the show which she really liked. Imagine our surprise when we saw Tony in it!! Yeah, he had a cameo playing a criminal arrested for questioning and he had a Jamaican accent!!! That was really funny! Guess what, apparently Dennis has done 30 different cop roles!! And his "Siepowitz" character's his 28th!!! WOW!! Talk about type-casting, indeed!! Ellen tried to drill some tips from Dennis about what to expect in the series finale next year but even Dennis himself doesn't know what's going to happen. Oh well, guess we'll just have to tune in! "NYPD Blue" airs on Tuesdays at 10p on ABC.

Elizabeth Cuthbert from "24" and the new teen movie, "Girl Next Door" came dancing her way out! She quickly admitted that she's not good in dancing at all especially when she's around people who're really good in it. FYI, Elizabeth's boyfriend actually grew up with Justin Timberlake, much to Ellen's surprise! Elizabeth was telling Ellen that the other day, when she and her boyfriend were preparing her to come on the show, Justin stopped by to see what they were doing! Then he helped her prepare for it when he pretended to be Ellen!! Of 'coz Ellen immediately perked up on hearing this & had this smug look after that! She was like, "So, Justin was pretending to be me, huh? Well... it's just a matter of time!" saying it so self-gratifyingly!

Elizabeth's Canadian. She's from Montreal, to be exact. Yes, you've guessed it - Ellen immediately asked if she spoke French. Obviously, Elizabeth does & Ellen tried to speak it, too! So, Elizabeth was trying to teach her some phrases & words - it was really funny to hear how Ellen tried to pronounce them with a French accent! She did quite well... of 'coz her American accent was still painfully audible. Ellen then went on to talk about Elizabeth's work on Fox's hit drama, "24." She found out that Elizabeth had a bad incident happened to her on the set of "24" & asked the bubbly Canadian to elaborate. Apparently, while doing a scene with a cougar on "24," Elizabeth was bitten by the big cat!! The cougar actually had its teeth sunken into her palm with her thumb & index finger completely inside the cat's mouth! During that time, she and the cat had "a moment" where Elizabeth stared straight at it and prayed, "Please don't eat my thumb!" 'coz all she could think of was if she lost her thumb, it'd be bad 'coz the thumb's oh so crucial for virtually anything. She wouldn't be able to pick anything up if she lost her thumb! Then all of a sudden, the cougar let go of her hand without the trainer having to do anything! But she had to go to the ER, though. The funniest thing was the reaction of the ER staff - because the scene which she was doing had her covered in fake blood, the ER staff thought she was actually mauled by the cougar when she was brought in!! So they were screaming, "Oh my God! She's been mauled!! Hurry, get the stretcher!!" She had to calm them down before they realized that it was only her hand that the cougar attacked! But she ended up having scars which she showed Ellen. It was a good thing the cougar was de-clawed or poor Elizabeth would have incurred much more serious injuries because the cougar also used its paws to attack her as well! Jeez, what a scary thing to happen!!

Then Elizabeth presented Ellen with a gift - she did an etch-a-sketch of an Emmy statuette, complete with Ellen's name on it (it was done so beautifully) to commemorate Ellen's 12 Emmy nominations and because she thought Ellen deserves to win! That was so sweet of her!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Snacking:
  "I'm not a snacker. I'm currently looking for a good snack food. All the food we have in the office is junky so I don't like it. But I don't like the healthy snacks either, like carrots. I'll go back to steak! So I'm looking for a good healthy snack food. The only thing I like about are the nuts becoz people say nuts are good for you, like the almonds. But, you know, they say you should only have 4 almonds becoz...who can have 4 almonds & go, 'mmm..4 almonds...that's..I'm fine!'?! Unless the 4 almonds are encrusted in a snake...a steak!!" [yes, Ellen screwed up her line and everyone was laughing like crazy, much to Ellen's embarrassment!!] "No matter how much...! Apples make me hungry. I talk to people about that & they say they like animals...wha?! Apples!!" [gosh, Ellen was just tongue-tied today, screwing up her monologue & when she said "animals," and caught herself, she had this expression like, what the hell's wrong with me today!! Poor, poor Ellen! And the audience was just enjoying themselves laughing non-stop!] "I need a snack! I'm just a little hungry! Anyway, my point is, this show is not a snack. This show is a full-course meal & the 1st course is..dancing!"
• Ellen gave Tony a surprise by announcing to everyone that he's made it to this week's Entertainment Weekly! Yup, he's #5 on EW's "The Must List"!!! Very cool indeed!! Then she read some letters from her fans. The 1st one was from the gal who made a complaint about the show's anti-climactic ending which led to Ellen and crew creating those Big Finishes. As Ellen was reading the letter which basically was a response to Ellen making the change in her finishes and gave the show huge compliments, she again got tongue-tied again!! This time she couldn't even pronounce the word, "telepathy!" It was so very funny!! Poor Ellen! She tried so hard but screwed up even more!!

Nick Lachey & Jessica Simpson, the 2 lovebirds came on bringing Ellen a snack made of peanut butter & banana, which Ellen didn't eat it due to obvious reasons [well, the peanut butter would definitely stick to Ellen's teeth, mouth & everywhere else making it hard for her to talk, that's why!]. Nick & Jessica, as you know, have a reality show on MTV, "The Newlyweds" & now have a variety show called "The Nick & Jessica Show" starting this Sunday at 9p on ABC. The variety show is basically an updated version of the popular "Sonny & Cher Show". To pay homage to the classic show, Nick & Jessica did their rendition of Sonny & Cher's "I Got You Babe" in this Sunday's episode. This couple is on every major magazine cover, which Ellen showed to everyone. Ellen asked, "Is fame tearing you apart?" Nick joked, "NO, we're bound by TV contracts now, we can't go anywhere!" Apparently they both met at LA's Hollywood Parade & dated for 4 years before they got married. Actually, to be exact, they broke up first before they got married 'coz Jessica, being only 18 then, wanted to experience the whole dating game before finally settling down. Jessica explained that she wouldn't have to look back with regret had she not been able to experience the whole dating game before getting hitched. But she knew well then that she'd marry Nick. Whereas Nick, being older & had gone to college, & had done the dating stuff already, so he agreed to wait for Jessica patiently. What a nice guy! Ellen then asked if they were going to have a baby which they both said yes. However not anytime soon because they want to spend a few years exploring their careers first, plus they wanna be alone without the cameras (as you know they're living their lives with cameras around their house because of their reality show) before plunging into the world of making babies. Ellen then commented that Jessica's a very messy person while Nick is very clean and organized. She's amazed at how messy Jessica can be, from watching their reality show! So Ellen presented her with a starter-kit - a hamper filled with all kinds of cleaning stuff including the Swiffer which Jessica proclaimed she loves very much! Ellen then announced that everyone can catch Jessica perfoming at the upcoming "VH1's Diva Live" and they will auction off "VH1's Diva Live" tickets on eBay to benefit ASPCA. You can find out all about it when you go to the show's official site.

Henry "The Fonce" Winkler came on looking very happy to see Ellen. Both are long-time friends. When they sat down, Henry just looked at the studio and the audience and said, "I'm here on Ellen! Everybody that I know is thrilled that I'm on your show!" You can see that Henry really likes and admires Ellen very much, which was mutual with Ellen. She asked why he wasn't on her show sooner but he explained that he'd been traveling. The moment he stopped traveling, the first thing he did was to come on her show! Wow, that's what friends are for! Ellen then raved about the corky FOX sitcom, "Arrested Development" which Henry guest stars in. He's supposedly only gonna appear in 1 episode but he's already done 6 so far!! Good for him! Henry's also an author of children's books! FYI, Henry was dyslexic while growing up. So his books (so far, he's published 5) are about this boy named Hank Zipzer, who's basically based on Henry himself, who goes through all sorts of life experiences. Ellen commented that she really likes the titles of the books which are pretty funny & corky, e.g. "Niagara Falls..Or Does It?", "The Zipperty Zinger", & "The Day I Flunk My Field Trip". Henry's so proud of his books he was literally hugging them with pride!! Aww, that's sweet!

Jessica performed her rendition of the classic Berlin single, "Take My Breath Away" from her new CD. Unfortunately, she screwed up a little, IMHO, when she hit the really high notes toward the end of the song. Or, perhaps, it was her style....who knows?

Hugh Dancy, who'll be seen in the new movie, "Ella Enchanted" which he stars opposite Anne Hathaway, came on. He's a Brit so naturally Ellen asked if he knew Tony!! Hugh's also from London, but specifically from Stoke-On-Trent, a small neighborhood in the Greater London area. Coincidentally, Hugh's also not a fan of birds like Tony!! He just moved into a new flat and he's been having pigeon problems! Apparently, pigeons are laying eggs on his balcony, much to his dismay!! And the constant pigeon sounds are creeping the hell out of the poor guy especially early in the morning!! Ellen was busy asking Hugh about his Brit lifestyle they didn't have time to get into his movie, "Ella Enchanted." But since he's the 3rd one coming on the show to promote the movie, Ellen just gave her own pitch of the movie, urging everyone to go check it out 'coz it's funny, it's a semi-musical thing, etc..

The Big Finish today was all the guests coming out riding the scooters around the stage! Poor Jessica just couldn't control hers and had to be helped by Ellen!! Funny!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen was talking about yet another backyard problem, only this time, it's the cats!! Apparently there are 2 outside cats wandering in her backyard, causing a ruckus to her own cats inside! Apparently the cats, which Ellen thought they're strays, are attracted to her fish in the fish pond!

Cedric The Entertainer came on & did some cool moves with Ellen. Guess what, apparently Ellen and Cedric never met before the show despite both of them being comedians! Well, probably because Cedric started out much later than Ellen did. He started out in St. Louis and performed at the "Funny Bones" comedy club which Ellen did her stand-ups there before. Then he went on to perform at the Def Comedy Jams & finally in the Original Kings of Comedy. Ellen had to ask about his unusual name. Apparently because he was doing different renditions of songs using different singers' voices and the fact that he preferred to be called "the entertainer" instead of "the comedian," he got stuck with Cedric The Entertainer . Then they talked about his new movie, "Johnson Family Vacation" which also stars Vanessa L. Williams. It's basically a comedy that's more or less like Chevy Chase's "National Lampoon" movies. Cedric has 3 kids, the youngest being only 4-months-old. It's also Cedric's 40th birthday coming soon.

Anne Hathaway, from the hit Disney movie, "Princess Diaries" fame, came on. Anne interrupted Ellen mid-way when she started talking to say this, "Can I say it's a pleasure for me to be here?" So sweet! Apparently, Anne's been a fan of Ellen ever since she was 10, watching Ellen's stand-up routines on Comedy Central, much to Ellen's surprise and delight! "Makes me feel so old," muttered Ellen! But Anne, or Annie, as everyone calls her, said, "But you look great!" Ellen, looking all embarrassed replied, "Well, thanks! I actually don't feel old at all!" Annie just turned 21 in November. She recalled hating her teenage years 'coz she was looking to the future, feeling the doom coming. But now that she's 21, she's looking to the future with the issue of death looming! Ellen commented that there's doom even after turning 21 but the drinking helps! Annie's in college but still finds time to do movies. She loves going to college. Her major is English which she explained, "I guess I got a thing for the Dead Poets!" Her minor is International Politics, which she really wants to get into. While she'll still act but the most important thing for her is to finish her studies. Bravo, Annie!! You can catch Annie in action in her new movie, "Ella Enchanted" which hits theatres this Friday.

The Big Finish today was Ellen's presentation of a huge birthday cake for Cedric & a gift which turned out to be a bicycle & he wasn't really excited in riding it!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Those "Bloody" Telemarketers!:
  "This morning it happened to me again. My morning started off...the phone rang..those telemarketers..! I'll tell you something..Do you have telemarketers calling you every single morning..it's either morning time or they catch you at night right when you're sitting down to dinner?! And the phone rings...There are 2 different types of people..I separate the people in the world..people who loves answering the phone & people who just hate it when the phone rings, they just wanna ignore it. I like answering the phone. It's like, 'Ooo, who's on it?' I get excited, it's like a gift but I don't know who's on the other end, it's exciting! And so I answer the phone, hoping that it's someone I wanna talk to & then I hear the pause...becoz that's what happens at first! And then I know it's one of 2 things..It's either a telemarketer OR..my mom forgetting who she called again!" [camera panned to Betty who was sitting in the audience laughing & shaking her head!] "But I try to be nice, so I say to the telemarketer, 'You know what, this is not a good time,' & then they don't even take the hint, they'd say, 'When would it be a good time?'!! 'When I'm not home, that'd be good,' or Armageddon, too'. Then, 'Is Armageddon in the morning or the evening, ma'am?'!! 'When my arm is tired of talking to you, that's what it is!!'"

David Duchovny came out looking very casual with a creasy dress-shirt! Then he took Ellen's hand and started dancing "a go-go" style with her!! Ellen then asked to see his "booty" & he did! They both haven't seen each other for a while. Ellen asked when the last time was and David muttered, "It was at your house! " Apparently, he was at the gym & was going to shower at one of his friends' house first before he went on Ellen's show, but his friend never showed up. So he didn't even shower when he came on! Ellen then did a crazy thing - she bent over to smell David!! Then with an "icky" expression, she uttered, "No, you haven't!" Then David, who obviously heard that Tony hates birds, wanted to make a bird sound in his attempt to scare him! Well, he tried to do a "goose" sound, pretty loudly but it came out sounding hilariously funny, much to his dismay! Ellen exclaimed, "What was that?! That's not gonna scare anybody! That sounds like a seal!" Then Ellen did the inevitable - she started making "seal" sounds - very real, I might add!! And before anyone knew it, both David and Ellen were making these animals' sounds, David with his "goose" sound and Ellen with her "seal" ones!! It was like watching both humans doing the goose & seal talk!! Priceless!! Just brought the whole house down with uncontrollable laughter! And if you think that David was done with his out-of-this-world sounds, he wasn't finished. He went on telling Ellen that when he was in high school, he and his friends would talk in these weird tones to annoy people, and he demonstrated that! So now we know that David was a real prankster as a kid! Ellen warned him that he'd get his karma when his kids grow up, which David immediately said that his kids are already doing it to him! David has 2 kids, one is 5 years old and the other is 2.

After the commercial break, they began talking about David's new movie, "Connie & Carla," which co-stars Nia Vardalos, from the "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" fame. It's an unusual romantic comedy about a guy who falls in love with a drag queen who's actually a woman, but the guy doesn't know! A real gender-bender, so to speak! Then Ellen told David that she heard about another "X-Files" movie which David said it'd be sometime in the future when it's finally a go - good news for those of us who're "The X-Files" fans! Finally, Ellen brought up a documentary that David recently did for the ASPCA about the over-population of pets in the country, "Best Friends Forgotten" & urged everyone to watch it. Both Ellen & David then urged everyone who's looking for a pet to go to the shelters to adopt since there are many unwanted pets waiting to be adopted or saved. David also brought his dog on the show which did a special trick for the Big Finish.

Poppy Montgomery came on and Ellen kept calling her "Poppy, Poppy!" As many of you may be aware, Poppy is Australian. Apparently, Poppy Montgomery isn't her full name. Ellen found out about it and made her tell everyone what her full name was, much to her embarrassment, wailing that her mom would never talk to her again if she did! But she finally did. You ready? Poppy's full name is...."Poppy Petal Emma Elizabeth Devaroe Donahue Montgomery"!!!! Ellen was like, "That's not necessary!" Then she made Poppy tell everyone her siblings' names as well!! She has 4 sisters and 1 brother. Her sisters are called "Rosie Thorn," "Daisy Yellow," "Marigold Sun," and "Lily Bell," while his brother's called "Jethro Tull" and everyone just laughed their heads off including Ellen. AND, her dad's name is "Philip (Phil) Donahue," which Poppy quickly insisted that it was just pure coincidence!! So Ellen then had to call up Poppy's mom, Nicola, to talk about these names! She just dialed the number and Poppy couldn't believe it, saying that her mom's in Australia!! Well, the line got through but alas, it was the answering machine. So you know what Ellen did? Yes, she left a message saying, "Nicola. It's Ellen. Ellen Elephant Donkey Ceramic Bowl Yellow Flower Coffee Cup Table Blue Carpeting DeGeneres, sitting together with your daughter, Poppy! Call us! " By then the whole studio was in fits of laughter!! Poppy, in the midst of laughing, "That message, she'll save that for the rest of her life!!" Then Ellen asked if her mom was a hippy because of those flowery names. Poppy didn't think she was. And his brother's name, Jethro Tull, you'd think that her mom named him after the famous band, "Jethro Tull," but no, she didn't think so either 'coz she didn't remember seeing or hearing any of Jethro Tull's songs or albums while she was growing up & said, "Jethro..she just liked the name, I guess, & Tull....was a.natural..progression!" With that Ellen gave her a look of wonder & asked, "Did Mommy smoke the Poppy?!" Another wave of laughter and clapping from the studio!! It was just hilarious & priceless!!Finally, they played a game called "Celebrity Head."

Sarah Harmer performed a song from her new CD, "All Of Our Names."

The Big Finish today was a performance of a special trick by David's dog. David kicked the ball hard on the dog's head, much to Ellen's dismay 'coz she thought it'd hurt the poor dog, but no, the dog just caught it in her mouth in such a quick action which amazed everyone! She could even roll the ball back to David! How cute is the doggy!!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Some Tips of Exercising While Busy Being Busy!:
  "It's so hard. I don't get to exercise anymore. Working everyday. We need to exercise more, I'll tell ya that! We're too sedentary. We're too lazy with the modern conveniences, we don't have to do anything anymore. You may say to me, 'But Ellen, I'm too busy at work all day, I don't have time to exercise anymore!' Ahhh...contre...becoz I've thought of some ways to work-exercise every day. For instance, now, I'm chatting - I realize that I use my arms a lot. So when you're chatting, try to use your arms and make big movements. It's good for the...tri-tip [she meant triceps!]! I also realize that people don't walk as much as they used to becoz people don't take the stairs. There are elevators. Take the stairs, whenever there's an elevator. Take the stairs instead of the elevators. Or, if you don't have stairs at work, pretend that there are stairs & also, it's very entertaining for people behind your cubicle! Desk exercises also - if you're job is answering phones all day, get those old phones that are really heavy & start doing the curl! Now, for the largest muscle of the body..the leg..once you work the largest muscle...the leg...you're in shape everywhere. Just talk to any trainer.. don't, you don't have to, but...get rid of a chair, just mime like you're sitting! Also, for the cardios, just ask your boss to unexpectedly fire you..."huhhh [gasping noise]"...gets the heart rate up...3 times a week & you're set! Finally, this, & I was so excited when I came up with this..There's a lot of cattiness in all offices. There's always someone who doesn't like someone, people talking behind people's backs & all that. Don't talk behind people's backs. Challenge them to a wrestle...! During your lunch break or coffee break, instead of having a cigarette, you get on the ground, you wrestle around with whoever it is & you'll gain respect, establishes dominance &....tones the abs! I'm telling you, it works for people in prisons, it should work for you, too!!"
• Ellen did her usual dance routine but also, because she was talking about exercising, she started doing some push-ups! And very well, she did, indeed! But after that, she sat down and put on the oxygen mask to get some air!! It was very funny! " Seriously, all of those things I was talking about just now, I was joking around. But you read magazines about it. For instance, right now, I'm clenching my butts..!" Immediately after she said, "butts" (yes, with an 's'!), she knew she made a mistake 'coz Tony and the audience were laughing so hard about it!! Ellen got so embarrassed & she just lost it, laughing so hard she could hardly speak! After a moment, she managed to regain some control & had this to say about her mistake, "That's when you need to worry when you got more than 1 butt!!" Brought the house down literally with that comment! "I'll stop clenching when I get down to 1 butt! But they say, you squeeze your little buttocks...." She couldn't finish 'coz she started laughing again and so did everyone else! Then Tony responded, "But for your prostate, apparently, it's supposed to be very good..." Another dose of laughter from everyone & Ellen just stared at Tony with the "what the..?!" look and said, "Now you've gone too far! We were having a pleasant conversation...!" PRICELESS, I say!!!

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson came on (it's his 2nd visit to Ellen's show!) looking cool as usual. Hey, did you know that he's a huge donut fan?! Well, donuts from "Dunkin' Donuts" to be exact. So, Ellen tested his ability to differentiate various kinds of donuts by blindfolding him! And he got everything right, even down to who made those donuts, i.e. Krispy Kreme, etc.!! Wow! You can catch The Rock in action in his new movie, "Walking Tall," which hits theatres this weekend.

Jamie Gertz came on looking...VERY TANNED!!!! Ellen was like, "I look like a ghost sitting next to you!" Apparently, Jamie and her family spent a week in Mexico during Spring Break, so naturally she's tanned now. FYI, Jamie has 3 sons & she never takes pictures at all! So Ellen immediately took out a Polaroid camera and took a pic of her & then of the 2 of them! The last time Jamie & Ellen met was at this year's Nicklelodeon Kids' Choice Awards show when Ellen got an award for "Finding Nemo." Jamie's on CBS' hit sitcom, "Still Standing" which airs every Monday at 8:30p.

Today's big finish was The Rock & Ellen performing "Another Saturday Night" where the big man played the guitar & Ellen played the samba!! She also brought out the people who were in the Riff-Raff Room.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• : Meeting New Friends
  "As you get older, I realize, that it's really hard to meet new friends becoz when you were in school, it's really easy to meet people. You can just go up to the person in a schoolyard & say, 'Can I play with you?' & you get a new friend. You can't do that when you're working. You really can't do that as an adult. You can't...well, you can, but you'll get a different playmate...!! Really, when you get older, it's harder, you know. I mean, sometimes you can meet friends at work, depending on what kinda work you're doing. If you have a job as a toll booth person, you know, then it's hard, or if you're a meter-maid or riot police...you're not gonna meet anybody! Meter-maids...that's....you just go home.. I have a few close friends that I've had for a very long time & that's all I have time for, anyway. I have my work & a couple of friends. I don't have time to meet new friends. If I meet a new friend, now, I'd have to drop one of my old friends to fit my schedule! I have to look at it really closely. And if it's a really good person that I'm gonna spend a little time with, I have to drop 2 old friends, which is hard!! Have you tried breaking up with an old friend?! Hallmark should make break-up cards for friendships becoz they have cards for everything else, for Hallmark! You could send a break-up card like, 'Hey, remember when we became friends? I sure do. Well, now it's time to bid you adieu!' I can write so many of them...'You are my old friend. But now I have a new friend and it's not you!'"

Jamie Foxx came on looking cool & collected as usual. Did you know that Jamie started out as a musician - as a classical pianist, to be exact, playing in clubs in San Diego?! Wow! He then went to L.A. & did stand-up, doing impressions of different celebs like he used to in school. As you might have guessed, his name, "Jamie Foxx," is only his stage name. His original name is actually Eric Bishop! He got his stage name when he started doing stand-up 15 years ago and got stuck with it since then. Jamie has a 10-year-old daughter who loves watching Ellen's show! Jamie's new film, "Redemption ," a drama inspired by a true story about a ring-leader from the L.A. Cribs who's convicted & sent to death row for something he supposedly committed. He was put in solitary confinement for 6 years! While in there, he wrote children's books, got some attention, & later was nominated for the Noble's Peace Price! Jamie plays that character. He was very proud about the film which was accepted to Sundance, Cannes & the Pan-African film festivals. In the movie, he also had to gain some weight - from his old weight of 159 lbs. to 225 lbs.! Ellen then asked him to play something on the electric piano & he did a jazz rendition of the Show's main theme song! Man, Jamie has a beautiful voice! And then he did a Ray Charles impression & it was simply perfecto!

Selma Blair came on wearing very little (a Spring-type of sun dress) so Ellen kept asking if she was cold!! Ellen announced that Selma just got married with her long-time friend, Ahmed Zappa (yes, the son of the legendary Frank Zappa!) after only 8 days of dating! Selma was really funny talking about how she told her mom that she was gonna get married! Her mom's a judge. Needless to say, her mom was totally shocked & exclaimed, "Oh noooo!!! Who are these people?!!" But guess what, her mom has a big poster of Frank Zappa in her bedroom!! That's so funny & ironic! Anyway, Ellen spent Thanksgiving at the Zappas' house. Ellen then asked Selma about her dog & showed a pic of him. He only has one eye!! Poor doggy!! Yup, Selma, like many other dog-lovers, adopted him from the shelter. You can catch Selma in action in her new movie, "Hellboy," which opens this Friday.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Getting Rid of the Bloody Cold:
  "I'm feeling very good today. I'm finally getting over this cold. I'm just getting over my 3rd cold of the year since I started working here! So I'm just getting over this one. I don't wanna blame anybody but I'm sure my guests don't wash their hands. I'm pretty sure it's Tom Hanks! You know, one more cold & I'm gonna put a sneeze guard between me & the guests! It'll be like working in the salad bard where guests can serve themselves the questions!"
• Ellen announced that her Swiss Army watch which she was auctioning off at eBay had amounted to $11,100 at the final bid! All proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Kristin Davis came on and before she could start talking, she was tearing up already at the mention of the recently ended HBO hit series, "Sex and the City"!!! The show had a great 7-year run which she'll never forget for quite a while. Ellen remarked, "I watched the show every Sunday night & I had no idea what you were talking about." And Kristin replied, "I know. Me neither!" Kristin mentioned that she met Ellen many years ago but couldn't remember when exactly. So she & Ellen obviously know each other. "Sex and the City" is about to be syndicated 5 times a week so she and the rest of the cast members are still doing press. Ellen asked if the show's gonna be made into a movie and Kristin enthusiastically said "I hope so!" She met the show's writer, Michael Patrick King, recently and asked him if the movie's gonna be made. Michael's writing it and she apparently has seen the storyline which she simply loves it. As she was telling Ellen about it, she was so excited that Ellen immediately commented, "Well, I hope you get to do it, then. If not, you can come & act it out here everyday!" Ellen was telling everyone that Kristin is nothing like her character on "Sex.." In real life, Kristin is single and is completely fine with it. She doesn't feel that she needs to get married. She has a golden retriever & is happy with her dog, friends and her wonderful life.

Esai Morales came on. If you remember, he was first known from his role in "La Bamba" which shot him to stardom. He's been in several TV series, including "NYPD Blue" which he recently retired from & currently in PBS' family drama, "The American Family" which focuses on a Latino-American family. Esai said he feels responsible for his Latino heritage to be in "The American Family" to represent & hopefully put Latinos in the family table that is TV.

The legendary Chaka Khan performed one of her classic hit songs and then sat down to have a little chat with Ellen. She heads an organization called "The Chaka Khan Foundation" which focuses on aiding women and children who're having problems. She's also doing a charity walkathon for Autism which will be held at the Dodgers Stadium. Apart from being busy with running her own foundation and doing charities, she also has hew very own chocolate brand, "Chakalates" which are sold at Neiman Marcus!

As the big finish for today, Chaka Khan performed another one of her classic hits which was Ellen's favorite.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• It's April Fool's Day! Ellen played a joke on the audience when she didn't come out to greet the audience as usual. Instead, she hid herself way behind the audience, sitting in the back seat! Tony also played a joke on Ellen stating that he was going to get married, which she didn't buy at all! So the joke back-fired! But Ellen played along, though.
• Ellen then tried to explain the origins of April Fool's Day, stating that initially, the start of the calendar year used to be in April. Then January was invented & then they added the months as the world moved along. Some people who didnt' know to change it to January were called, "April Fools." They were called fools or stupid heads! Ellen claimed that what she said was actually history! Thus, people started playing pranks on the fools!

Penny Marshall came on & gave Ellen some long-sleeved shirts made by actress, Lori Petty. The shirts all had designs in the front showing various political/social commentary. Penny told Ellen that she watches her show, or rather, TiVoes all the episodes. Ellen told everyone that Penny just recently had a big birthday bash which Penny quickly remarked that Ellen didn't attend! Ellen raved about Penny always giving the best birthday parties. Apparently Penny and Carrie Fisher plan their birthday parties together 'coz their birthdays are only 6 days apart. So they decided to do it simultaneously, alternating the location of their annual party between their homes. This year, Penny revealed that some of the Laker players attended their party too! FYI, Penny's a huge Laker fan. She even names her 2 dogs after Magic Johnson & Larry Bird!! Of 'coz, being a Laker fan, she named the dumber one Larry Bird! Ellen found out that Penny loves to collect magnets, and showed everyone pictures of Penny's kitchen cabinets that were filled with countless magnets! Penny explained that she did it because her cabinets looked too white for her taste so putting some magnets on them would lessen the blinding effect of the whiteness. Penny also talked about how she's still being recognized as "Laverne," from her classic sitcom, "Laverne & Shirley" even after the show ended so many years ago! But now that Lifetime is airing the sitcom twice a day, the younger generation will also recognize her as her character, "Laverne." Penny also took the chance to promote the new release of her 1991 movie, "A League Of Their Own" in special edition which includes deleted scenes and her commentary.

Tori Spelling came on. Both Ellen & Tori had never met before. Ellen asked her about how the popularity of the long-running hit show, "Beverly Hills 90210," had changed Tori's life. Tori mentioned that since the show's in syndication and being aired on FX daily, she now has a new generation of fans. Ellen then asked about her dad, Aaron Spelling's famous huge house in Beverly Hills. Apparently, Tori never grew up in that house. She only lived there for a very short period of time. But she grew up hating large rooms, nonetheless. So her current residence is actually an apartment. FYI, Tori is engaged and will be married this summer. You can catch Tori Spelling in the sitcom, "The Help " on WB.

The big finish today was a great tap dance performance by Ellen and her guests, Penny Marshall & Tori Spelling!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen was talking about the ageing effect, that she still can't believe she's 46 already because she doesn't feel like she is. To her, it's just a number...until she sees signs of ageing dawning upon her! And then, she's shocked! Then she went on to talk about the different nicknames that people like to call you instead of your name, like, "lady." To Ellen, "lady" is only for older people as she doesn't see herself as a "lady" 'coz she still considers herself a "girl!" She then took on some other nicknames that people use on her that she really didn't appreciate, like, "dear" - "You'd have to be over 76 to call me that!" Now, "sweetie," it depends on where you are. She doesn't mind if the waitress calls her "sweetie" at a diner but definitely not when she's in a nice restaurant! The funniest one was when she talked about the nickname, "doll" - "When somebody calls you "doll," get ready to run some errands!" "For me, I'd like to be called 'The Funk Queen from New Orleans'!!"

Jerry O'Connell of NBC's drama series, "Crossing Jordan," came on, dancing his way out & boy, did he dance.. not to mention pulling up his shirt over his head & did some real flambouyant moves too!! Very cool! After all the clapping, the screaming & hooting died down from the audience, Jerry commented on how great a dancer Ellen was as he'd seen her do her routine dance on her show right after her daily monologue. Ellen returned the complimentary and raved about Jerry's own cool dance moves! FYI, Jerry did a little bit of ballet when he was a kid. He was actually forced to have ballet lessons by her mom who thought that it'd help him lose some weight! Alas, he got kicked out after just 2 classes! But his brother actually went through it and was cast in "The Nutcracker"! Ellen found out that Jerry's pretty bummed out about turning 30 and told him that he shouldn't feel bad about it 'coz it's only a number! She also found out that Jerry's a fencing sportsman. So she asked Jerry to show her some fencing moves & boy, was she excited about it and couldn't wait to swing the sword at poor ol' Jerry who was trying very hard to calm her down so he could teach her the basic moves! It was hilarious!

Jamie Oliver, aka "The Naked Chef," came on showing off one of his urban, simple & fast recipes. Ellen, of 'coz was no help at all when she dropped the ingredients all over the place and messed things up for Jamie. Not to mention, while watching Jamie prepare the dish, Ellen picked up the wine bottle and started drinking from it, much to the delight of the audience!! It was priceless! You can catch "The Naked Chef" on the Food Network.

Raquel Castro, the star of "Jersey Girl," came on, looking really cute indeed. She's only 9 years old! Ellen couldn't pass up the chance of asking what she thought of the "Bennifer" (Ben Affleck & J. Lo) split since they both were in the movie as well. Raquel said she was really sad when they broke up, saying that the press was very hard on them. She also revealed that during filming, she'd always give Ben a hard time about his smoking habits, complaining about the nasty stench he'd leave behind after using the bathroom, the effects of harming her through 2nd-hand smoking & all! Raquel has ferrets for pets but she also wishes to have a Yorkshire terrier ("Yorkie") for a pet as well. So at the end of the interview, Ellen gave her a plush Yorkie toy! That was nice of Ellen!

For the big finish today, Ellen invited all the people who were stuck in the "Riff Raff Room" to the main stage to be with the guests!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Laughter Is The Best Medicine:
  "Last night, for dinner, we had Chinese food. I got a fortune cookie which said, 'It makes you happy to make people happy.' I'm thinking, that's what I'm doing...on this show! Laughter is the greatest invention. Laughter will get you through tough times. I feel sad becoz there are people who're born without a sense of humor. A woman came up to me once and said, 'My husband doesn't have a sense of humor but he laughs at you'...! He sounds like a lot of fun..what a marvelous man he must be! That would be sad when you don't have a sense of humor. When you ask people, what's the most important trait you look for in a person when you meet them in person, most people will say a sense of humor...I'd say a cute butt...& a sense of humor! Seriously, you're having hard times, no matter what you're going through, you always have to have a sense of humor about it. You have to look at life with that kinda attitude. Also, people will say, no matter what you're going through, you're gonna look back & laugh....that's not always the case.. Laughter is the best medicine. When you laugh, it's healing."

Michael Chiklis, of FX's "The Shield," came on. Both he and Ellen last saw each other at the Golden Globes this year. But Michael reminded Ellen (who, of 'coz couldn't remember!) that the 1st time he saw her was about 14 years ago at the American Comedy Awards. He remembered approaching Ellen to ask if her last name was Greek. Of 'coz Ellen told him no but Michael didn't believe her! (FYI, Ellen's last name, DeGeneres, is French) Then both of them talked about Michael's 1st Emmy win. That was the year when Ellen was sitting next to his wife. Michael remembered that he couldn't believe his ears when the presenter said his name but when he turned to his wife, he saw Ellen exclaiming to him, "Oh my God, it's you!" That was when he realized he'd won! Michael also told Ellen that he's been married for 12 years and going strong. He has 2 daughters but doesn't look forward to them growing up because of the prospect of having to deal with them bringing their boyfriends! He vowed to "shield" them from the boys until they're at least 25! Michael just finished shooting Season 3 of his hit series, "The Shield." His oldest daughter is actually in the series as well, playing his on-screen daughter. He also took the opportunity to dispel rumors that he's a tough guy in real life just because he plays one on TV, while in actual fact, he's a very gentle guy. His youngest daughter calls him her "squishy"!! That's so cute!

Vivica A. Fox came on wearing a really cool pale pink, tight jacket which Ellen really liked. So immediately, Vivica took it off and made Ellen wear it! She did but as Ellen knew, it was too small for her!! She then explained that it was because of her bulging biceps! Vivica wanted to put on the jacket after that but Ellen stopped her, stating that she wanted to comment on something....Vivica's tattoos!! Man, she does have quite a few! There's a tiny fox tattoo on her left arm which Ellen mistook it for a little kitty cat, much to Vivica's exasperation! Then she has 3 chinese characters tattooed on the back of her right shoulder which stand for "strength," "courage," & "wisdom." There's a cross with a rose on the back of the other shoulder, and then a tiny one tattooed around one of her toes! Ouch, that must have hurt! Then Ellen commented that Vivica looked really fit..well, it was the result of Vivica's involvement in Quentin Tarantino's ultra- violent action flick, "Kill Bill," where she had to work out non-stop for months, learning martial arts! Vivica was very excited when talking about her fitness so without any hesitation, she challenged Ellen to a 100-sit-up contest!! Well, if she knew Ellen well enough, she wouldn't do that because we all know Ellen's ability in doing push-ups and sit-ups! So, of 'coz Ellen won & she didn't even break a sweat! Kudos! Vivica stars in the new movie, "Ella Enchanted."

The big finish today was inviting the guests back to bid farewell to the audience.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Laughter Is The Best Medicine:
  

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• How To Cook A Chicken Without Knowing How To Cook:
  "A few nights ago, I was having dinner at a friend's house. I found out that you can make a chicken dish without really knowing how to cook! This Farberware Indoor Grill thing is an appliance that does everything for you. I finally now have a recipe of my own 'coz it's so easy. You stick the chicken on the thing, with a little..it's like a ferris wheel, they call it a 'spit', which, to me, that's a bad namee for something that touches food, it's so confusing! You put the chicken on the spit and you spit at the chicken..!! First, you have to wash the chicken 'coz you want it to be very clean but you don't want it to taste like soap, but you want it to be fresh, so... I use Irish Spring..!! I used to use Dove...but I don't think you should use a bird on a bird! And then, you pat the chicken, dry & give it a couple of good slaps..!! You don't have to but I like the sound.. Then you put the chicken on the spit & then actually have to rub it with oil. I don't remember what oil but I know when I lay in the sun I use cocoa butter with SPF 15, but your chicken may need more or less depending on its complexion.... So you massage it with salt & pepper into the bird & use pure salt to gently exfoliate... What I like to do is when I'm preparing the chicken, I dim the lights & put on some Enya...plug in the water fountain & light some incense... & then I massage those sweet meats...[the audience just exploded by this remark]..I love to make cooking fun! Then you put the bird on the spit & make it happen. You don't have to look at the chicken again until the dinger goes off. It's gonna cook to golden perfection & all you have to do is wash it, rub it, pat it, slap it &....bona petit!!!"

Roseanne Barr came on looking really good. Ellen couldn't help noticing it and asked what she's been doing to herself. Apparently, Roseanne did the gastroplasty, the gastric by-pass thing but instead of cutting back with food intake, she's found a way to go around it so she's eating lots of cheese & dark chocolate to her heart's content much to her own excitement!! Roseanne also professed that she drinks too much caffeinated coffee - 14 cups a day & sleeps very well at night, much to Ellen's amazement! Ellen couldn't stop raving about how hilarious Roseanne is especially when she was doing stand-up. She first saw Roseanne doing stand-up in a small club somewhere and saw her on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson which she thought was just simply the best stuff yet. She then asked Roseanne why she decided to use her last name again 'coz she's always been known as just Roseanne. Roseanne told her there were many reasons but told her a story which really happened to her while she was in Paris. Apparently, when she was in a restaurant trying to pay the bill, her cards only had her first name so the French were all confused and asked why she didn't have her last name. So she stated that everyone knew who she was in America but obviously in France, nobody knew who she was! Then she spotted some American tourists and called them up to proof to the French that she was who she said she was. However, instead of proving she was Roseanne, they all vowed that she was Rosie O'Donnell!!! She was so mad! Roseanne is going to start her stand-up gig again which will be filled with some political stuff like the state of what the world has come to, where everything's being blown up.. but you could see that Ellen was not too excited about Roseanne's elaboration of her views of the world so she dodged the subject and quickly went on to the next topic! And of 'coz Roseanne was smart enough to follow suit, much to the relief of Ellen, I bet! Anyway, Roseanne lent her voice to Disney's latest animated feature, "Home On The Range" in which she's the voice of a cow.

Chicago performed one of their songs in their newest greatest hits CD.

Rachel Dratch, from NBC's "Saturday Night Live" came on. If you remember, Ellen hosted the "SNL" once before. Apparently she did a stint with Rachel where she played one of Rachel's former lovers called the "Winter Solstice Lover!" Ellen, obviously, was a little embarrassed when Rachel mentioned that. They talked about Rachel's newest hobby, learning the Feng Shui habit, which she's slowly getting a hang of it. Rachel has a new animated series on UPN, "Game Over," where she lends her voice to one of the characters.

The big finish today was the guests playing music instruments while Chicago performed another song from their CD.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen To The Rescue!:
  "On the way to work yesterday, I'm driving, in a residential neighborhood, by the way, driving to work, houses everywhere. I'm driving on the street & in the middle of the street, I see a doe..a deer...a female deer! "Re" was her name...just came out of nowhere. I couldn't believe what I saw, so I stopped the car 'coz I didn't wanna scare it. So there was a baby deer, teenager sorta in the street & then another teenager deer comes out & I'm waiting for the mama deer, but no mama! Just 2 teenage deer in the middle of the street! Been on the street for a while, 'coz one had a pierced nose &...! I felt so bad 'coz they clearly were lost in the middle of the street looking around, not knowing where to go. And I'm thinking, how do I rescue a deer, much less 2 deer 'coz I'll rescue anything, anything at all! But they jumped over some ivy & got away. Really, I'll rescue anything. I was driving a couple of years ago, & saw a dog in the middle of the street & people were just honking the horn & going around it. I couldn't believe it so I stopped the car, blocking traffic & I had my door opened, calling for the dog. And people were yelling at me. I almost had it but someone screamed out, "It's a coyote!!" I almost had a coyote in the car!!"
  
  "I'm driving on Sunset Blvd. the other day & there was a panda bear on Sunset Blvd. handing out flyers to a Chinese restaurant! And they're easier to get in the car. he got right in..& chatty, those things are, & very affectionate...!! I do, I'll rescue anything I can. There was a dog in front of this house, wandering & I stopped & I grabbed the dog..no collar, nothing, & I take it to the vet, I get shots, I get it checked out & I put signs up. And the next day, somebody called me & said, 'Oh my God, you have my dog!' & I asked, 'Where do you live, I'll bring it to you,' & it was the same address from where I picked it up! I had basically stolen a dog!! I had a hot dog...!!! So I learned my lesson now."
• Ellen auctioned off her very own Swiss Army watch which she'd worn for 3 years, to eBay. All proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Tom Hanks came on the show & commented that Ellen's show had the largest sound stage in the west of Mississippi!! Tom & Ellen know each other pretty well. The last time they saw each other was at a pre-Oscar party, a late night party, to be exact, which apparently they had some good memories about it, though they didn't really elaborate on it much, just that literally every Hollywood hot shots were there, like George Clooney, Catherine Zeta Jones, etc.. Ellen told Tom that there were a lot of people who came to see him, but since the main stage couldn't fit everyone, there were people in the Experience Room. Tom felt bad for those people because it's like they were the step-kids of the show, being thrown into another room like that! So he re-named the room the "Riff Raff Room"!! They then talked about Tom's son, Colin, who's 26 already. He's an actor and starred in an indie movie, "Orange County" and also recently guest starred in the TV hit series, "O.C." And of 'coz Ellen couldn't pass up the mention of Tom's wife, Rita Wilson, 'coz she always has this admiration for Tom's romantic acts of love toward his wife. Yup, they're married for 16 years now but the love is still going strong! Tom's movie, "Splash," is celebrating its 20th-year anniversary so the special edition is out on DVD. Even though it was shot back in 1984, Tom still had vivid memories of making it. Ron Howard directed the movie so he talked about how much fun he had with Ron 'coz Ron always likes to repeat what he says, twice! So Tom did some hilarious Ron Howard impressions which brought the house down! Finally they talked about Tom's latest movie, "The LadyKillers," directed by the Cohen brothers, where he plays an oddball-like failed professor who plans to get rich quickly with the help of some other odd characters in the movie. Then Ellen took Tom to the "Riff Raff Room" to meet his enthusiastic fans.

Ellen had a segment called, "A Day In the Life" which chronicled what a typical day looked like on the show. It was hilarious! Ellen and her crew did the whole crazy thing starting from waking up in Studio 11 altogether at 7a to group therapy at 12 noon to a writing session at 2:30p to the pre-show ritual at 4p and finally bedtime at....6p!!! Absolutely hilarious!!

Michael Bublé, a young Canadian with a voice like Frank Sinatra & looks a bit like James Dean performed "Come Fly With Me" fantastically.

The big finish today was a ballroom dance between Tom Hanks & Ellen (which Ellen clearly wasn't very familiar with 'coz Tom had to literally guide her with almost every move!) to Michael Bublé's "Come Fly With Me"!! A not-to-be-missed moment!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Me and My Fat Cat:
  "Here's what's going on, today, in my life. My cat is too fat!! My vet is angry, yelled at me, furious, screamed at me, that I have to put him on a diet...too fat, dangerous & all that stuff, you know. No one wants to go on a diet, you know, but nothing is less cat-like than dieting, you know. I can't imagine the cat going, 'Ooo, that tuna looks delicious, but noo..'! They eat what they want until they're full. My vet said, 'How much does the cat eat? How often do you feed it?!' Here's the thing...I'm not there all the time, so I wanna make sure, I don't know when they're gonna eat, so, I want things to be available for the cat. There's 1 cat in particular..I have 2 cats, the other one's fine. So I put 4 different types of dried food out 'coz I don't know which one they prefer. Also, in the morning, I feed them canned cat food mixed with tuna, sometimes in the afternoon, & then at night also...!"
  
  "Some people cook for their cat. I don't go that far at all..sure, when I'm opening the canned food, I wear my chef's hat, but I... Here's another problem too. This is adding to the weight thing...he's an inside cat so he never really exercises. He's just inside all the time. Outside cats have a built-in weight loss program, you know. They run around & they chase birds, & they live free ways... But I can't let him out 'coz I have coyotes, I have bobcats, mockingbirds...! So he can't go outside. So he basically, he just sleeps & eats, & so I have to take the food away from him which is just horrible, because he knows where the buffet is all the time, used to be a 24-hour buffet, so h e's looking & looking at me like, 'What happened?! Where's the food?! Are we cutting back? Did you lose another job? What happened?! I don't understand!!' But what he really needs is exercise. I know I can teach him...dance!"
• Ellen got a huge trophy for "Best Talk Show Host of 2004" from the staff at HCR ManuCare!! So she, of 'coz, paraded around with it, making a thank-you speech! It was funny!

Heath Ledger came on, looking very casual. Ellen immediately commented on his black leather boots. Apparently he's had them for the last 8 years!! He even wore them to the Oscars this year! Then Ellen mentioned that Naomi Watts, his girlfriend, was on the show recently and talked about her famous mac & cheese dish. She asked if Heath cooks which he does! His famous dish is spaghetti bolognese which he calls it, "Spag Bog." Then Ellen was telling Heath that Naomi taught her a great secret to making a delicious mac & cheese dish, which is to put in a little truffle oil. And Heath corrected that it was he who taught Naomi the secret! So Ellen was like, "So what else did she lie to me about?" Anyway, Ellen then praised Heath for knowing how to cook especially for guys. Heath cooks because he gets hungry a lot & Ellen was like, "I get hungry too. But I just go out to the restaurant! " The minute she said that, she regretted it 'coz Heath replied, "That's for people who're lazy!" leaving Ellen speechless! Heath has a pug whom he named "Ned" after making his latest movie, "Ned Kelly." Apparently "Ned" is also suffering from being too fat as well! Then Heath proceeded to showing Ellen how to play the native Aussie rain stick thing (sorry, don't know what it's called!) which looked really difficult. And Ellen tried to do it but failed miserably! It was hilarious!

N.E.R.D. performed a song from their new CD, "Fly Or Die."

Camyrn Manheim came on looking all excited to see Ellen and told her that she's been watching the show from day one! Well, she Tivo-ed the shows because she works during the day, and she's been trying to catch-up on the episodes. However, she didn't have the 2nd episode recorded on Tivo as there was apparently some reception problems which she totally freaked out when she found out that she didn't have the Justin Timberlake episode! So finally, after nobody from the cable company nor her gardener helped her get the palm tree leaves cut from her roof top which actually caused the reception failure, she literally climbed up the ladder & cut those damn things herself! Wow, what a person would do to watch Ellen's show!! That's a true fan there, man! Anyway, on hearing Camyrn's dilemma, she immediately presented her with a tape of the 2nd episode. Then they talked about the last time they both saw each other, which was 3 years ago. Ellen remembered that Camyrn was still pregnant with her child then. Now her son's 3 years old already! And in the middle of the interview, out of nowhere, Camyrn shocked Ellen to speechlessness when she pulled out a full-sized camera out of her bra & took a picture of Ellen and herself & then of the audience, much to Ellen's amazement!! Poor Ellen didn't know what to say, she just looked on, dumbfounded! Then when the craziness died down, they talked about "The Practice" and Camyrn told everyone that this year's gonna be its 8th and final year but there's gonna be a spin-off which she will be on. So the last few episodes of the series will be filled with great guest stars whom Camyrn wasn't allowed to reveal even when Ellen asked her. So, we shall see. You can catch Camyrn in action on " The Practice" aired on Sundays at 10p on ABC.

Today's big finish was fantastic! Ellen invited all her guests back minus Heath Ledger to do the "inertia" effect (where you pull the table cloth from underneath all the breakable kitchenware). Camyrn did pretty well but broke some glasses, whereas N.E.R.D. failed miserably. But the winner was Ellen! She pulled the table cloth right off of the table without breaking or moving anything that was on top of it!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• My Mother & The Need to Seal Things:
  "Last night, my mom slept over at my house. She spent the night which I always love. It's fun when my mother sleeps over becoz...we tickle each other's back when we go to sleep...! No.. I like it that she spends the night once in a while 'coz we don't see each other enough...she's here every day, but it's different at night to see her in something different..so she spent the night & it was fun. And we were at dinner..she'd some stuff with liver. She didn't eat it all. She never does 'coz as I said before, the older you get, the less you eat. So she just eats a tiny, tiny amount. And then she left..she's from that generation which you don't throw anything away...so there was like, 4 tiny pieces of broccoli left & she insisted on saving it becoz she may have it sometime, so... Anyway, she put it away. This morning I wake up, go to get my mocha mix out of the fridge & the whole fridge smells like broccoli, which is not a pleasant odor!! You'll never ever have Glade Broccoli smell..! So, anyway...& it's stinky & of 'coz she didn't seal it, that's why!! We had the aluminum foil, you know, thing, that the dish comes in & then there's the top, the cardboard thing & you put it on top, & you go around squeezing it together, that's how you do it. Some people are, you know, anal about every single thing but at least you do most of it so it's sealed. Hers is like half-way opened, it's not even closed to be in the ridge where you seal it! I've talked about this before. I love my mother so much, I love her dearly, but she's got a problem sealing things! Even I've talked about the Ziploc bag problem, remember? Ziploc, she would never...nothing would ever be Ziploc-ed! And I didn't understand why & finally I said, 'How do..how can you not Ziploc something? Show me how you Ziploc!' So she laid the Ziploc down on the counter & randomly pushed in different spots!! And I said, 'That's not how you seal anything! It's called Ziploc - you close it & then you zip it locked!! That's how you do it!' And then she said, 'Well, I'll try it your way, then.' And I'm like, 'It's not my way, it's the Ziploc way!!' [camera panned to where Betty DeGeneres was sitting & she was laughing away!] And so, anyway, I realize now, this is something...it's not new. I've noticed for a while she never seals anything. Food is always left opened, nothing is ever closed! Now I realize, as a child growing up, I must have lived on stale, rotten food! I'm sure I did & I always wondered 'coz we were raised Christian Science, so we never had medicine but I never got sick. But now I realize I was eating penicilin consident, that's what it is!! It must have been moldy penicilin on everything that I ate! That's why I was so healthy! "

Ben Affleck came on & the audience went wild for quite a while. When it'd quietened down, Ben commented, "It's like a rock concert here, the Ellen DeGeneres Show! It's wild!" Ellen raved about Ben's latest appearance on "Saturday Night Live" which was his 2nd, so far. They talked about how absolutely stressful it was doing the SNL gig because everything on the show is live, so they have to rush to change, with the crew yanking them here and there! Ellen did it once. It's a stressful gig but they both enjoyed it. On SNL, Ben was making fun of himself and his recent break-up with J.Lo, about the famous name they got from the media - "Bennifer" - So he played on that and joked that he wwas wondering about getting other joint-names, like "Benyonce" [with Beyonce], "Boprah" [with Oprah]! And Ellen jokingly complained that she was hurt that Ben didn't combine his name with hers! She immediately whisked out a t-shirt labeled, "Debeneres"!! Then they talked about the whole hysteria about his relationship with J.Lo especially the break-up & how frustrated he was about the whole public scrutiny nightmare. And he looked at Ellen & said, "You know how it is!" But Ellen immediately replied, " No, I don't! No idea, whatsoever!" It was funny! Then Ellen told Ben that she's organizing this celebrity poker game thing to raise money for the organization that she's very involved in, "Peace Games," and asked if Ben would care to participate. Ben immediately said he would but since it's gonna be on April 13th, and he's in Boston that day, but he'd rush back to LA to be a part of it. What a good sport Ben is! Finally, they talked about Ben's latest movie, "Jersey Girl," which he expressed that it's his best project so far 'coz it's a good story for everyone. He also hopes that people will stop crucifying him about his last bomb, "Gigli" (well, he didn't mention the name of the movie, but we all knew which one he meant!) after they see this movie. Before Ben left, he taught Ellen some dance moves - well, more of a dance trick than anything, actually. According to Ben, just use very minimal movement, try to find the beat, & try to act like you're constantly seeing & recognizing people on the dance floor with a lot of waving, so people don't see that you don't really know how to dance!

Sara Rue, from the ABC sitcom, "Less Than Perfect," came on. Ellen knows her pretty well so they talked about Sara's Scottish husband and made fun of his accent, talked about her in-laws who absolutely adore Ellen! Apparently, Sara, like Ellen, loves animals. But unfortunately, she's allergic to animals & so is her hubby who also has asthma! Talk about being hit by a bad case of allergies! But they just take daily medicine to prevent themselves from being allergic or affected by their 2 dogs & 2 cats.

Today's big finish was Ellen dancing with Sara Rue and a big cardboard cut-out of Ben Affleck (he had to leave right after his interview with Ellen so he wasn't available for the big finale!)!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Trends - What's In, What's Out, &..Hey, Look What's Back?!:
  "I'm realizing that there are so many things that we go back & forth with, what's in, what's out. I just realize the other day, that what's back..again! Don't know if you noticed, you know the cell phones, what's cool now, again, is the old-fashioned ring, you know! They don't even sound like the old ring, it's got a techno tone, '..bbbrrring.. ' to it, but it's the old-fashioned ringt that people have on their cell phones now becoz that's what it used to be. And then, it wasn't cool to have a ring. That's when they were into the songs...Mozart, Beethoven, Nelly's 'It's Hot In Here [pronounced 'her']'..!! You can tell somebody's personality by the song they had but some people just got stuck with it..! But anyway, that was the cool thing. Now it's come full circle to what's cool...the continental ring! But everything comes full circle, I realize that. Remember the cell phones started out gigantic & then they got smaller & smaller & smaller, until they're ridiculous! Now the phones are...reeeally dangerous. They're so small, if someone gives you bad news & you go, 'hahhh.. ' [gasping sound], you'll inhale it....right down your throat!! But people lose their phones now, they're so tiny! That's not good! You never used to lose the big phone, remember? If you did, your car was stolen!! That's how big...it was a huge phone that was in your car. But that's what happens to trends. I realized that, you know, some people pay attention to them, & they get stuck with that. Some people just, whatever, they way they go, the way they dress, is the way that they'll always dress & that's safe. Even, like, bell-bottoms did come back. I'd think that even a white shirt, you'd think that's safe, but even with the white shirts, they change it..just enough that...The collar used to be bigger but now it's smaller...You have to buy new things every season! Like color that's in, becoz, for a while, I started paying attention, like, the color grey was in. Then went to pink, when they say pink was the new grey! Orange, I'm wearing, 'coz I'm told, orange is popular...Citrus colors &... pastel, I noticed too. I was passing a window, on 3rd street or something, & there was, like, all pastel colors & you know what else was in? Baskets of bunnies & chicks..!! Uh..maybe becoz it's Easter, but I got 'em, anyway! I got some of them 'coz I wanna make sure I'm in style! The only safe color that never go out of style is black. You've seen the bumper stickers.. 'Go with Goth'. That's why those teenagers that ahve that goth look, you're set becoz that's not gonna go out, unless...of 'coz you want a job or something like that..or assimilated into society!! I have one style. If you watch some of my reruns, I'm wearing tennis shoes, I wear vests... I saw an old rerun of one of my specials...I was wearing shoulder pads & I had a mullet!! And uh..& I thought, well, that IS special!!"
• Ellen reminded everyone that this month is Cancer Awareness Month, specifically Colon Cancer, which Katie Couric brought to her attention. Ellen told everyone that she had a colonoscopy & urged people to have it done 'coz early detection is critical to the prevention of colon cancer. "You won't remember a thing, 'coz I didn't..! So go, I urge y'all to go right away after the show &....give yourselves a colonoscopy!!!" And before she realized what she said, the audience erupted!!! Very embarrassingly, she uttered, "Well, you know what I mean! Or, at least I think you know what I mean?"

Sarah Michelle Gellar came out bringing a HUGE bottle of saki along with 2 little saki cups, much to Ellen's delight! Well, but they didn't drink it, though. Sarah actually brought the saki all the way from Japan. She just returned from Japan last Friday. She was filming there for 3 months. Speaking of saki, & becoz Ellen was talking about it yesterday, & being that she loves to drink it, she asked Sarah if it was good to serve saki cold. Then Sarah revealed that saki should be served cold all the time 'coz the heat ruins the taste. Hence, serving saki hot isn't really the right way to enjoy it. Something she learnt while living in Japan, I guess! And she speaks some Japanese too! Pretty good pronunciation, I must add! And of 'coz Ellen went on to ask her what the screaming meant whenever she goes to the Japanese restaurant. " Ishiomase!" corrected Sarah (Ellen was saying "Vazaeey!" yesterday, remember?), which means "Welcome to my store." And she told Ellen that the Japanese don't just do that in the restaurants, they say that in every store in Japan, even in clothing stores, much to Ellen's surprise. Sarah loves Japanese food (her favorite is blowfish, which, by the way, is illegal in the U.S.), loves the culture which made her want to learn the language. Thus, she knows quite a few words & sentences. Plus, during filming in Japan, the whole crew she was working with spoke Japanese only. So that sort of pushed her even more to learn it.

Then they talked about Sarah's new movie, "Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed" which opens this Friday. The original cast from the 1st one is back including Sarah's husband, Freddie Prince, Jr. When asked if Sarah's always been a Scooby Doo fan, she said her husband's a huge fan. One day he made her watch 48 hours of non-stop Scooby Doo cartoon! FYI, the 1st Scooby Doo movie was filmed in sunny Australia, whereas the sequel was shot in cold Vancouver.

Brad Paisley, the country singer, performed "Little Moments" from his new CD, "Mud On The Tires."

Olivier Martinez came out but had a little greeting mishap with Ellen! Yup, Olivier's French, so naturally, he was going to give Ellen a kiss on both cheeks, but before he could do that, Ellen just opened her arms and gave him a hug & totally missed the kiss that Olivier was gonna give her! Oh, coordination malfunction right there!! It was really funny with Olivier because he started talking but because of his very strong French accent, Ellen had to tell him that she couldn't understand most of the stuff he just said!! Then he told Ellen that his girlfriend, Kylie Minogue, is a huge fan of Ellen's, much to Ellen's surprise! He was telling her that Kylie loves to do the "Dory" phrases like, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swim, swim, swim..." & "Pick me! Pick me!" It was funny & Ellen couldn't help being amused about it!! At the end of the interview, she handed Olivier a "Dory" plush toy to give to Kylie, which, when squeezed, "Dory" speaks! Olivier Martinez can be seen in the new movie, "Taking Lives" which is in theatres everywhere now.

Ellen's big finish today was pretty special - she pulled out a couple from the audience who were celebrating their 64th Wedding Anniversary today!!! And the special present she gave them was having Brad Paisley sing them a song! But Brad didn't finish the song 'coz halfway through, the husband was busy talking to Ellen who was trying to get him to listen to the song!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• You Gotta Love The Sushi!:
  "I love sushi. The problem I have with sushi is the restaurants. When you go to the restaurants, you wouldn't describe them as cozy & romantic restaurant places. The decor leaves something to be desired. Usually it's just kinda very stark, very minimal things, maybe there's kimonos hanging on the wall, samurai swords & a clock with a picture of Mt. Fuji on it..or something! And they're very bright! I like to eat my eel in a dimly lit room, you know! Actually, come to think of it, eel should be eaten in the dark, but, uh..it's sexy food. I think sushi is very sexy food. But the lighting..it's like you're eating in a hospital operating room!! It's just stark, bright, bright...you realize that, that's how good the food is! The food has to be good that we're gonna tolerate the bright lights & acid jazz becoz that's what they play!! I've never been to a sushi restaurant that doesn't play acid jazz, which is not really relaxing or romantic in any way! I've never heard anyone just decides to play acid jazz in their wedding... 'Oh, that's our song!' It's just this weird acid jazz music & bright, bright lights. And as soon as you walk in, you're assaulted! You walk in to the sushi restaurant & immediately, they scream at ya! 'Vazaeey..!! ' I don't even know what that means! But they just scream it out! I just thought it'd be great if all ethnic restaurants did that, like, if you go to a French restaurant for a romantic dinner..'Bonjour!!'
  
  You sit down & immediately...in a sushi restaurant you're handed a warm wash cloth, uh..telling you, you're filthy... 'There you go, you need a good scrubbin'..'! And then I order, I don't know, I always feel like I'm ordering too much 'coz they act like,..'O-kaay..' like that should be enough..& ' Oh!..' a few more times every time I add something before they go away...it feels like they're walking away, speaking & mumbling in Japanese, 'Okay, Porky!' And then, I'm not big on the wasabi, you know, the lump of green stuff that they give you, which is so hot..!! And you have to mix it just right..you put it in with the soy sauce & you really have to stir it to get everything disintegrated 'coz sometimes it's just that one clump that doesn't disintegrate enough & you take that one bite...!!! It's like the cartoon, '..whoooop!' [sound], your eyes pop out..! And barely make it through that & then you right away,..'hmm..I'll do that again..'!! You're just completely..your whole head is cleaned out, your sinus...it's like a human car wash, that stuff!! Then I forget. The saki. I love saki & the hot saki, too. You don't think it can hurt you. It comes in those little timble-sized things. It's just a tiny little...how can it hurt you! But, you keep filling 'em up & you don't realize that you've had a tumbler by the end of...next thing you know, you're wearing one of the kimonos from off the wall, swinging the sword around, scatting to acid jazz..!! You're drunk, you're clean & you got a full belly, so.. But I love sushi. I don't know, if you haven't tried it, I'd say, try the sushi. If you're listening, sushi restaurants, just dim the lights, just a tiny, tiny bit....!!"

Ellen was very excited to welcome Kirsten Dunst to the show...but we found out why, a few seconds to the interview! First off, Kirsten told Ellen she and her friends love to watch her show and was very happy to be on. Then, being the person that Ellen is, who easily feels bad about something she did, she started saying it was nice to see Kirsten... again! Then the truth came out! Apparently, a couple of weeks ago, Kirsten bumped into Ellen at a night club while both of them were in line to use the club's bathroom! She immediately went up to Ellen & told her that she'd be on her show in 2 weeks! Guess what, Ellen apparently didn't recognize Kirsten and gave her some kind of look (which Ellen totally denied she did!) which Kirsten felt that probably Ellen thought she was a weirdo or something! According to Kirsten, Ellen looked "uncomfortable" standing in the long line people waiting to use the bathroom! Then Ellen's "friend," as Kirsten called the person who was with Ellen, was trying to make an excuse for Ellen's lack of interest with Kirsten, explaining, "She's very tired..." At that point, Ellen was looking so guilty and began saying sheepishly, "What happened was...." Of 'coz she couldn't finish it 'coz the audience just erupted! She was very apologetic to Kirsten, saying that she only recognized her after she left the bathroom! Apparently, that night, Ellen was at the pre-Oscar bash hosted by Justin Timberlake who invited her to do the intro of his mini performance for a charity. The event, of 'coz went on pretty late, so she was probably just hanging out in the club after that. But the whole "Dory Syndrome" that Ellen pulled again that night was simply hilarious! She's done that to quite a few celebrities, who'd been on her show whom she wouldn't recognize or remember their names! Poor soul! But Ellen kept apologizing to Kirsten who was clearly enjoying herself with the whole thing. You can see that Kirsten really likes Ellen. Even one of her friends was in the audience whom she mentioned but the camera didn't pan to her.

Anyway, they then talked about her role in "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" & Ellen was raving about Kirsten's funny performance in it. Ellen must really like the movie 'coz she was pitching it again to everyone today, calling it one of the most original scripts she's seen. Then they talked about Kirsten and boyfriend (whom she calls "my bf"), Jake Gyllenhaal, adopting a German sheppard recently. Finally, Kirsten showed some of her dance moves to Ellen. Ellen must have thought that they were real cool, groovy moves but..no!! They were pretty geeky - one she called, "The Thumb-Separating" move & the other, "The Shopping Cart" move!! It was hilarious! Ellen was looking at her like, "What the hell?! You call these dance moves?!" & didn't quite know what to say about it! Then she ended up saying, "Well, I'm glad we didn't dance that night!" Then realizing her dance moves didn't work for Ellen, Kirsten kept insisting, "But I'm cool!" It was very funny! They both had a great time.

Shelby Lynne performed with Live and sang "Runaway," from Live's CD "Birds of Prey." Ellen's a big fan of Live & Shelby Lynne.

Steven Webber came on and talked about his recent 43rd birthday celebration which was supposed to be a big surprise bash that his wife was gonna give him. But he foiled the plan so they ended up going to a very expensive restaurant instead. He has 2 sons, by the way. Then Ellen found out that Steven had a recent run-in with the law - well, to be exact, Steven got snapped by the traffic camera when he ran the red lights, not once, not twice, but THREE times! So he has to go to traffic school now which he's not very excited about. Steven has a new drama series called, 'The D.A." airing on Fridays at 10p on ABC.

Then, the moment of a big finish (which they started doing last Friday after Ellen received a fan letter complaining about the show's crummy endings!) arrived - this time, Ellen, Tony and someone dressed in a big owl suit did the tap dance (or at least attempted to, anyway) and gave a final bow! Pretty hysterical! So, watch out for new big finishes at the end of every show from now on!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Attack of the Spiders & Feng Shui:
  "...I'm just as happy to be here, although,...the spiders are back!! I told y'all about the spiders that I've had...well, they're back. This time with a vengeance! Uh...bit me..you can't see it becoz there's make-up. Remember there's no imperfection on television...everything has to be 'perfect' [whisper] & so we've covered up the spider bite with some make-up. And it's not a pimple, I've checked. It's a spider bite, I'm telling ya! Sometimes you don't know if it's a spider bite or who got you, but this morning I woke up, there was a spider in a corner of my house,..covering its mouth, giggling...just giggling & wheezing!! Characteristic of the elusive Los Angeles smog spider!! I don't know how they get in the house. I have screens on my windows, my doors...! I saw one on the wall as I was going to sleep & there's nothing worse than to see a spider on the wall, & then they climb down & get right on the bed & I realized that was my mistake! Now I'm prepared for any other assaults that happen becoz I realized, with the bed against the wall like that, you're asking for it. It's too close to the wall! So now, the bed's in thte middle of the room...which is perfect Feng Shui, you know that, becoz my feet aren't facing the door. So now my shockers are all aligned, my Chi is good, so I got the Feng Shui book to try to figure out everything I needed...I got my ficus, I got a mirror & I built the fireplace on the South-East corner... That's what the spiders don't like, evidently! And becoz, you know, Feng Shui will change your life. I don't know if you noticed, they say it does. For me, it keeps my mind on my money, & my money on my mind..! That's the characteristic of Feng Shui! So I'm gonna keep you posted 'coz I don't know anyone else is having these spider bites 'coz I'm telling ya, right there on my cheek...big old spider bite!! It's nothing worse than waking up & realizing that there's been a spider crawling all over your face..& bit me!! But with all these, I'm protected!"
• When Ellen was seated after her routine dance, she talked about the other day when she mentioned that she really liked Rolexes, especially the Rolex Sub-Mariner. Lo & behold, she got a gift from a jeweler, or at least she thought it was a jeweler, from Houston, named 'IW Marks' - yes, you guessed right, they sent her a Rolex Sub-Mariner watch!! She was wearing that today to show it to everyone! "That's a really nice 'bling,' thank you so much! I tell ya, those Daytona Rolexes are nice too...! [yes, she was doing the hinting again in front of the camera!]"
• Then it was time for her to do something special which she couldn't pass up. As you know, Jim Carrey was on yesterday and he did the stunt with his Mustang bicycle which ended badly - he fell flat on his bum! So, today, of 'coz Ellen had to looky-loo the entire embarrassing incident again, much to everyone's delight! But she didn't just show Jim's unfortunate fall, she was comparing his fall to her recent one on the looky-loo when she was walking on that same area in front of the audience, skidded & fell hard on the ground with a heavy bump! Ellen thought that it was weird that both she & Jim fell exactly on the same spot. So she wondered if there was a tremor or something 'coz perhaps the studio they're in, called the 'St. Andreas Studio,' was built right above the St. Andreas fault line! The whole segment was hilarious, especially watching her fall with a shocked look on her face! The same goes for Jim's reaction when he lost control of his bike after his failed attempt to do the "wheeler" stunt!
• During the segment, "What's On Your Mind," Ellen read out a letter sent by a woman who first was very complimentary of the show but then had a gripe about something - apparently, she thought that the way Ellen has been closing out the show was a crummy & anti-climactic way to end it. So Ellen told everyone that she and her crew had cooked up something to end the show today!

Ellen was very excited to welcome Christina Aguilera on the show. The 3-time Grammy Award winner came out, dawning yet another new look - her hair is ginger (red) now & she wore a tan-colored pant suit which looked really cool. The audience went wild! "You're extremely talented and your voice is superb!" expressed Ellen enthusiastically. Then she asked Christina about her ever-changing looks & styles which the petite diva told her that she likes to be adventurous in the way she looks but most importantly, she doesn't take her styles and looks too seriously. Gee, that's cool! Then they talked about her Stripped/Justified tour with Justin Timberlake where Ellen met Christina. Apparently Ellen was turned away initially 'coz there were a lot of people wanting to see Christina back-stage after the show. Ellen didn't think Christina knew her but when Christina found out that she was back-stage, she immediately got her in. Christina knew that Ellen's a dog-lover so she wanted her to meet her dogs. And Christina really liked Ellen's "Dory" performance in "Finding Nemo," but for some reason, when she saw Ellen, she called her "Doris" instead of "Dory!" That was cute!

Ellen found out that Christina, like her, is into games. So they talked briefly about "Scrabble" & "Boggle". Then Ellen mentioned about Christina's recent SNL gig in which she played "Samantha" in SNL's send-up of "Sex & The City" raved about what a great impression she did on Kim Cattrall's character especially the voice! So she asked the thoroughly open and willing songstress to do a little "Samantha" impression right then! And Christina did, right on cue!! That's very difficult but Christina just obliged even though she had forgotten some of the lines that she said on SNL! What a good sport she was, not to mention, the interview was going great too. Christina was very open to everything that Ellen asked of her. There was a good rapport going on there between Ellen & her seemingly fearless guest. Then Christina revealed a couple of embarrassing stories she went through on her tours. One was during the Stripped/Justified tour where her pants kept ripping at the crotch every time she was doing her dance moves that required her to bend down! Fortunately, she was wearing a leotard underneath so she wasn't exposed! And another incident, which was more painful than embarrassing, was during her 1st tour when she was on stage singing "What A Girl Wants." She was somewhere in Europe. Just as she was singing the song, she approached the end of the stage which was very dark beyond but since she saw the hands of her fans reaching out to her, she thought there was something concrete to step on between the end of the stage and where the crowd was. Little did she know, there was a huge gap in between! So, the moment she stepped beyond the stage, she was like, "What A Girl...." thump!..& fell into the hole! To make matters worse, the bouncers who were standing there thought it was part of her act, so they just stared down at her & didn't help her up! So she was trying to tell them that the sudden drop was not intentional at all & she needed help to get back on stage!! Wow, what a terrible thing to happen to such a tiny person like Christina, & on her own tour overseas, too! Yes, she was bruised after that. That marked the end of the interview but Christina would later sing her hit song at the end of the show, "Beautiful," which Ellen expressed how she absolutely loved it.

Molly Shannon, best known for her 6-year gig on SNL & has a new show on FOX called, "Cracking Up," came on looking all excited. Ellen started talking about how she loved most of the characters Molly played on SNL and raved about how hilarious she's always been! Molly watches Ellen's talk show all the time. FYI, Molly has a 5-month-old baby girl named Stella. She told Ellen a funny story when she was in labor. Apparently, on the day Molly felt that she could be in labor, she called up her doctor who told her to relax and could continue doing her daily stuff and encouraged her to go out. So she did. She went to the street market (Molly lives in New York) and saw some mouth-watering corn-on-the-cobs which she couldn't resist. But just as she started to have a bite at the corn, her contractions started. But she didn't want to waste the corn, she was literally chomping the corn while having multiple, painful contractions! Ellen looked flabbergasted on hearing that 'coz while Molly was telling the story, she made some hilarious noises to iterate how she was chomping her food! It was really funny!

Christina Aguilera came on again to perform "Beautiful." Wow, she did a fantastic version of it, starting with just her crisp, clear, powerful voice, no music, then half-way through, the music and her back-up singers joined in. It was fantastic. After the song, Ellen came over and gave Christina a warm, endearing hug and said, "That's singing! That's not lip-synching, that's singing! You're a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!" After the last commercial break, came the moment of anticipation - the closing! Instead of the usual "We hope you enjoyed the show today. See ya, bye!" remark, Ellen started sounding very enthusiastic and exclaimed, " Wasn't that a great show?! I had so much fun!" And she brought out her guests again, starting with "..the breath-taking Christina Aguilera!!" & "The Incomparable Molly Shannon!!" Both stood in front of the camera and Ellen joined them. Yes, and then they did the big Broadway-style bow, accompanied by roses being thrown at them!! FANTASTIC!!! Ellen promised that she & her crew will continue to build on the closing so it'll look bigger and better as the shows progress! Can't wait to see what's in store for us next week!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• What's Up With The Flying & Baggage Claim Nowadays?!:
  "...You have a tendency to think about thins while you have a hangover 'coz you're moving kinda slow..I was reliving my vacation. You remember, I went on a vacation recently, I told y'all I went to Mexico. And I hadn't flown for a while & I started thinking about it..uh..it kinda settled in, you know. I used to fly a lot, a whole lot, for 20 years. That's how I made my living. I was a stand-up, I was like a salesman. I was on the plane every week, selling my jokes. I was carrying my bag full of wares, selling the jokes to the folks! And I had forgotten how long it takes to fly! It used to be the best way to travel...& now, these days, it just takes a l-i-t-t-l-e faster than the bus..! The whole process for the entire flying thing..& then, really, what I started thinking about was, when you finally land, when you're coming home, we taxi to the gate, then we sit at the gate, we have to wait for someone to tow us in to the gate! We were able to fly all the way from Mexico, we can see the gate & have to wait for...I coulda got out & walk..!! I'd have been happy to just..that's fine..just let me jump from here & walk, becoz we wait to be towed in...!!!"
• "Then your bags...that's a whole other thing!! You have to go get your bags..I have to check in my bags,...which I don't normally..but I had to check my bags...So then the baggage claim is so far away that you really, you need salt tablets, a canteen & a sherpa!! Also, it sounds good - you're going to the 'baggage c-a-r-o-u-s-e-l' - it sounds like there's painted ponies & music or something...& when you get to the baggage carousel, it's really, you gotta get a good spot..it's like getting into a parade! You gotta get there early! And you can see the seasoned flyers...they're there with their little folding chair & hibachi (sp?), just waiting for their luggage to come out! Doesn't it seem like forever..?! There are a lot of carousels but there's one carousel that all the flights have decided to put the bags on the ONE carousel, & you're waiting forever! So you got your good spot & you're just waiting & there's nothing happening for a long, long time, & then finally, that light gets you so excited...& the, '..AACK! AACK! AACK! AACK.."..it sounds like a nuclear leak or something! And then nothing happens after that! The light is sorta like the, '..your call is very important to us..', it just keeps you going, you know..! And then finally, baggage comes down & no one claims it! Have you noticed that?! If you had the time, if you stayed all day long, I bet, the same bags... they're like decoy bags! They just come down, stuffed with paper so that you think it's somebody else's & they may not be there... They're just fake bags! And I had 2 bags. I just had 2 bags...one for my hot rollers...! And then one for my clothes & my other sundries. And finally, one bag comes out, but...where's the other bag..??! Twenty-three minutes later, the other bag comes out!! How did they get separated?! They went on together..wha...did they have a fight??! What happened?? I swear it'd be easier to just buy clothes wherever you're going, just don't carry anything with you. Just go to the local drug store & just buy...a visor, a tube top & a controlled-top panty hose & flip-flops, you know....which is coincidentally what I was wearing on Prom Night..!!!! And you know what I did on Prom Night? ....I danced!! Tony, make me dance!!"

Ellen was obviously very excited to have Jim Carrey on the show today. She was raving about how she likes him, not just because he's funny, but a very good actor, too. She saw Jim's latest movie, "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," & has been singing praises about it ever since Kate Winslet came on this past Monday. Naturally, when Jim Carrey came on, she was very excited, and the audience was ecstatic! Jim was spotting a bald head and as usual, he started making his infamously flexible, wacky face expressions, & Ellen just couldn't stop laughing! His daughter was in the audience who surprised Ellen 'coz she's so grown up now. When Jim finally settled down, Ellen started telling him that she and her crew had been trying to get him on the show forever. Initially, Ellen couldn't really get anything in 'coz Jim just continued doing his usual antics, getting all hyper, and made her laugh so much! Then he told her that he wanted to have a ride on the Mustang bike which earlier on, Ellen had given to a kid who got Houston to do the bathroom for him and his mother in Louisville, KY. Speaking of the bike, Jim told a story about when he was a kid, he really wanted to have a bike but his dad would try to postpone it. So when he was in class one day, his substitute teacher was telling he & his classmates that if they wanted anything, they should do the rosary and pray to Virgin Mary every night. So he did!! And after 2 weeks, he got a surprise! He won a Mustang bike from a raffle which he never even entered! Apparently, his friend did but used Jim's name instead! So, since then, his life was pretty much like that - he wished for something and he got it!

Finally, they talked about Jim's movie, which they both were saying what an original idea and concept it was, and really moving, not only intellectually but romantically as well. Apparently, Ellen didn't know it was written by Charles Kaufmann, who incidentally wrote such originals like "Being John Malkovich" & "Adaptation." So when Jim told her that, she understood why the movie had that same kind of conceptually mind-boggling feel to it. Ellen then recommended people to go check out the movie which opens nationwide this Friday, 3/19.

As usual, Ellen started introducing her next guest, Jamie-Lynn DiScala. But halfway through, Jim just burst out from backstage, riding his Mustang bike around the stage!! But lo & behold, when he tried to do the "wheeler" act, he fell flat on the ground!! But being Jim, he immediately picked himself up and screamed, "It's part of a trick! It's part of a trick! Ellen, you're gonna cut this out, ok?!" and then picking up the bike, he rode off toward the backstage & was gone!! By that time, Ellen had already lost control - she was laughing & cackling so hard that she couldn't really speak! Obviously, the producers had to later edit out for TV so that the show could continue seamlessly. So, the next thing we saw on TV was Ellen having regained her composure already. I'm sure the audience had a blast watching the unedited version when Ellen was trying very hard to stop laughing for a while! Anyway, after she obviously regained control of herself, she welcomed her next guest, Jamie-Lynn DiScala, on. Jamie-Lynn, as you know, plays "Meadows Soprano" on the HBO hit drama, "The Sopranos." Ellen is apparently a big fan of the show so she was very interested to know what's gonna happen throughout the season. They also talked about Jamie-Lynn's recent marriage to her manager, and the mishaps at her wedding ceremony. Then they talked about Jamie-Lynn's TV movie, "Call Me - The Rise & Fall of Heid Fleiss," in which she plays the infamous Hollywood Madam. At the end of the interview, Ellen gave Jamie-Llynn a little, pink bike 'coz she didn't want her guest to feel left out since Jim got his!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Happy St. Patrick's Day:
  It's St. Patrick's Day today and Ellen came out trying to do the Irish accent...but I kept hearing "Scottish"!! Well, perhaps it's Ellen's own version of sounding Irish! And of 'coz she couldn't pass on the "Lord of the Dance" moves which was hilarious to see!
• "Clovers are lucky charms & I thought about clovers. The 4-leaf clovers are supposed to be good luck. I don't know if you did this, ...I'm from the South & I'd be outside in New Orleans. My mother would say, 'Go look for the 4-leaf clover. It's good luck if you find the 4-leaf clover' & I don't know if I've never..I don't think I ever found one...I'd be on the ground...hours..looking for the clover, ..bees stinging in my face,..just...my knees all scraped up, looking for the 4-leaf clover until it was dark & then, my mama was, 'C'mon in here, Ellen!, [Ellen in the Southern accent!] 'coz she's from the South, 'Get outta that cloverfield, it's suppertime!' [at this point, Ellen was trying to imitate her mom talking in her Southern accent..pretty exaggeratively, which made it so funny!! Yes, the camera quickly panned to Betty DeGeneres, who was just shaking her head, laughing!] Anyway, I just wanna say 'Happy St. Patrick's Day' to ya!"
• Ellen was showing everyone the many gifts that her fans have sent her. She picked a few to show them. One of them was a framed diploma that stated, "Skunk Diploma - Skunk State University!" Ellen thanked the fan, "Thank you for giving me this Skunk Diploma...or as I'd like to call it, 'The Stinking Diploma.'" Another gift was a sweater all covered with "Ellen" on it! Ellen was obviously amused, "It is my name. Everyone is spelled correctly, no 'Helen' on here! This is nice..& it's good if I ever get to a point where I forget what my name is!" Then she showed everyone the skunk socks that she received which had the slogan at the bottom that said, "For bare feet." Big laughter from the audience. Of 'coz Ellen had to comment on the slogan that begged for facetious comments from her..."Becoz don't try to put these over shoes!" Then she pulled out the "show stopper" - a black T-shirt that had a HUGE (the whole front of the shirt, mind ya!) airbrush painted face of Ellen, complete with the details of her clear blue eyes (perhaps a little too clear) that looked so alive, I swear I saw them blinking! It was that...'WHOA!' kind of feeling, when you look at it. Obviously it was made by someone who loves to paint portraits, I guess, and very artistic, too! Of 'coz the audience was laughing and applauding by then. Ellen just put the shirt on her chest with the "are you kiddin' me?!" look & said, "I can't wear it. I'm not gonna wear myself out!" Can you imagine Ellen wearing a shirt that has a huge face of her painted on it in public?! Wow!! But Ellen was very grateful and appreciative of what her fans had given her, of 'coz.

It was time for Angelina Jolie to come on. When she came out, the audience were cheering, applauding, and screaming!! Yes, lots of fans there to see her - not to mention in the Experience room too, which Ellen would eventually take her to greet them after the interview. When the audience had finally quietened down, Angelina, looking very cheery but a little embarrased 'coz of all the attention she was given, quickly told Ellen, "It's really nice to be here! " And Ellen replied, "It's nice to have you here! We've been trying to have you come on for a while, so thanks for being here." Angelina, obviously sounding flattered uttered, "I wanted to come. I just hadn't had an excuse..." which Ellen said, "You don't need any excuse. You can come anytime!" "Oh good, I can just show up, then," Angelina said. "Yeah," Ellen went on, "you can just sit here & we'll move the other guests over! You can come whenever you want!"

Then Ellen started asking her about her son, Maddox, who's 2 1/2 years old, and went on to say that she saw Angelina at the Oscars. So she asked Angelina if she went to the parties after that. Apparently, after staying for only 45 minutes at the Oscar ceremony, Angelina left & went to In-&-Out Burger in Hollywood 'coz she was hungry!! Then she went home so she could tuck her son in to bed herself. That's so sweet! Ellen went on to ask her if Maddox was talking at 2 1/2. Angelina explained that he can only say a few words here and there in different accents 'coz they've been traveling a lot. Guess what Ellen said next? She brought up the conversation she had with Brittany Murphy who was on the show a couple of weeks back! "Brittany Murphy was on, you know, the actress? (Angelina nodded in acknowledgement) She claims that she started talking at 6 months & full paragraphs when she was 9 months!! (At this point, Angelina just looked at her, wondering if she was kidding!) Yeah, she's a liar!" That just brought the house down! It was simply hilarious! FYI, Angelina doesn't live in the U.S. anymore. She and Maddox live in England and Cambodia (Maddox was adopted from Cambodia). As you may know, Angelina is juggling quite a lot of tasks in her life - being an actor, a mother, and also a Goodwill Ambassador to the U.N.!!! Ellen was clearly amazed at the young woman's ability to balance everything so well and really admires her. She then asked Angelina to explain what she does for the U.N. As a Goodwill Ambassador, Angelina works very closely with the UNHCR - visiting the third world countries, working with the refugees, getting involved politically in some areas, and humanitarian in some others; all to bring awareness to the world. Ellen also mentioned that Angelina wishes to adopt a baby from every country because she likes to have many children from different cultures and religions in one roof living happily and peacefully, "just as how the world should be," said Angelina with conviction. With that noble comment, everyone including Ellen applauded in amazement.

Apparently, Angelina is going to carry the Olympic torch in August!! And to prepare her for that, since Ellen thought she would want to take Maddox with her while she jogs her way with the torch, Ellen presented her with a cute little buggy/stroller equipped with a fake torch on the side!! Angelina just couldn't believe her eyes and immediately hugged Ellen in gratitude! That marked the end of the Angelina Jolie interview so before the show went to commercial break, Ellen led Angelina to the Experience room to greet her fans.
You can see Angelina Jolie in action in her latest movie, "Taking Lives," which opens this Friday, March 19th.

Mark Ruffalo came on and Ellen raved about the movie he was on a couple of years ago, "You Can Count On Me" which received great reviews from all film critics alike. And now, he's in another movie that Ellen also enjoyed watching, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which he's co-starring with Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet & Kirsten Dunst. Mark has a 2 1/2-year-old daughter named "Keen." Ellen asked how he got such a unique name. Apparently he & his wife didn't have a name for their daughter for 2 weeks after she was born until they were basically forced to name her by a specified deadline by some birth certificate committee! So, of 'coz Mark rushed to the dictionary and started looking at nouns & stumbled upon "keen," which he thought would make a great name! There you have it!
Mark has another movie coming out on April 16th entitled, "13 Going On 30" which stars Jennifer Garner.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Vacation Blues!:
  As you know, "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" was on a rerun for 1 1/2 weeks. This week marks the 1st week of the show's return.
  "We've been back for 2 days now. We were on vacation for one-and-a-half weeks. I like working, that's what I realized. I don't like to take a vacation. I took a vacation and it was just not relaxing at all. I like to work, I don't know how to slow down! I flew to Mexico & it was at night. Everything was dark & the arrival at the airport was anything but relaxing...this is the beginning of my vacation! The driver...I don't know if they do it in kilometers, or miles per hour, or...pesos..But he was driving..soooo fast. I mean, like 100 miles an hour down & it was just dark & things were darting out! I didn't know what they were at first. They turned out to be little jack rabbits! I'm not saying he was aiming for them but he wasn't gonna let them slow him down! This is my relaxing vacation..& you know how much I love animals...'coz there are jack rabbits everywhere. There's a huge jack rabbit population in Mexico...or there used to be, anyway..judging from the roads, there's not as many as there used to have! And I love animals so I'm like, saying to the guy, 'please, please, don't hit the rabbits,' & he was like, 'oh, senorita..,' laughing..'it's nothing!' He didn't think anything of the rabbits in front of him! And so we get to the hotel, I'm trying to slow down. I don't know how to just sit & do nothing, & it's hard to relax when you don't speak the language. That makes it harder becoz you're trying to be quiet, yet I'm yelling slowly...that, to me, helps you communicate! I'm bad at the languages. It's beautiful, don't get me wrong, Mexico is beautiful, & we were right on the ocean which is lovely to hear the ocean, which I was already hearing becoz I had an inner ear infection, so...I heard it here! So we were supposed to stay for 7 days & left after 2 days 'coz I didn't know what to do with myself! I got sick when I got there so I was on antibiotics. And I couldn't be in the sun 'coz of the antibiotics. I couldn't drink, & I wanted to go to the ocean but there's undertow warnings, so I'm thinking, I'll go get a spa treatment. So I go get a facial & I'm in a dark room for an hour and a half, & as soon as I'm finished, they would say, 'Would you like to have a shot of tequila?'...which is what they offer you after EVERYthing, by the way..did I mention how nice the people are?...So I told them I can't 'coz I'm taking antibiotics & they kept offering it to me & I said, 'No, I can't..' So I thought I'll just order lunch, & this table next to me...some tourists. They're talking about me & I can tell. They think they're being quiet but I can hear! Then the man came over finally & goes, 'Are you Helen?' And uh..I said, 'No, I'm not,' & he looks back at his wife & she goes, 'Yes, it is!' And I said, 'No, I'm Ellen.' He goes, 'Helen, Ellen, whatever!' And so I ended up staying & after a couple shots of tequila,...he was right! 'Ellen, Helen, who cares?!' I was Helen, I didn't care! So I wanna welcome y'all to the 'Helen DeGeneres Show!' Tony, give us some music..!!"
• After Ellen's routine dance, she & Tony began exchanging plesantries. Tony then said, "It's good to be back & what a great surprise we came back to...12 Emmy nominations!!" Immediately there was a huge applause AND a standing ovation from the audience! Then when the applause finally subsided, Ellen said, "Or, as my friends from Kansas would say, '12 Hemmys!'" Continued the obviously happy Ellen, "I don't even think we have 12 people working here! 12 Emmys...that's a lot of Emmys! We didn't announce it yesterday 'coz we wanted to count to make sure they weren't screwing around with us becoz...!! And they really are real nominations! I'm glad...everyone works really hard on the show & I'm thrilled for everyone who got nominated. It's a big deal." Another huge applause. "We have so much fun, I'm serious, I don't like taking vacations. We have so much fun coming to work. I think that's why we truly are enjoying ourselves. So I think people can feel that, everybody's liking it, we're liking it, too. And we have good guests, you can't go wrong with that!" Yet another big applause! Then Ellen said, "One Emmy nomination we were overlooked for was 'Best Audiences'" The audience went wild. "I mean it. We've such great audiences. Thank you very much!"
• Ellen was still wearing the "blink-blink" Jacob watch which Mary J. Blige gave to her from yesterday. She was telling everyone how surprised she was to see Mary dropping by unannounced to give her such a big gift. Then she slyly look straight at the TV camera and went, "Did I mention that I like Rolexes? Yup...preferable a sub-merrital (sp?) but, whatever. I like Rolexes."

Jason Biggs came out and started dancing & Ellen joined in but they screwed up when Jason tried to twirl Ellen! When they finally sat down, Jason immediately congratulated Ellen for the 12 Emmy nominations. Then they talked about what he was doing recently. Jason just returned from a weekend trip to Costa Rica. He was raving about the beautiful nature all around which interested Ellen very much for she said she'd like to go to Costa Rica, too! There were a couple of things we found out about Jason & Ellen. Apparently they shared something in common. Jason used to work at Subway (the sandwich franchise) while Ellen also worked at a sandwich shop, only it was a restaurant. And, both of them also worked in the clothing industry as well - Jason used to work at Gap Kids/Baby Gap while Ellen used to work at JC Penney's! Very interesting..

Paige Davis, from the TLC show, "Trading Places," came out doing a little dance with Ellen as well. They then talked about Paige's show which is a hit. It's a program where 2 couples exchange their homes for a make-over but only have $1,000 to spend for the re-modeling effort. It's like the British show, "Changing Rooms" if you've seen it. Anyway, apparently there's a competition & a contest going on the show right now and the winner will have his/her home mortgage paid off! On hearing this, Ellen immediately went, "How do I get in?" The contest is open to everyone who visits the TLC website and enters his/her name.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• The Thing about Eating Etiquette....:
  *It's important to point out to you readers that Ellen was having a cold...yes, again! So, the entire show, the poor woman sounded oh so stuffed but still had the energy to do the show as funny as she always is!*
  "I realize that I'm learning things left & right. Here's what I learnt this past weekend. I went to a fancy restaurant this past weekend...not that I'd never been to one before, but...it was really a fancy one with the kind where they put the napkin on your lap for you, you know. I don't know what that's about, but why do they stop right there? Can't they feed you?!"
• "I was taught to eat everything on my plate. You don't waste. You eat everything on your platae. And then recently, I'm sitting next to someone and she's leaving stuff on her plate. She said, 'I was taught that a lady always leaves something...' So I ate that as well!! More for me..!!"
• "I just learnt this recently too...you probably know this...that when you eat soup, you're not supposed to spoon it towards you. You're supposed to spoon away, & then...you spoon the soup away & then..if it loves you, it comes back, I guess..!!"
• Ellen got a big surprise! As she was doing her routine dance to the song of Mary J. Blige toward her seat, she stopped short when she saw Mary J. Blige come out of the backstage, singing the song that Tony was spinning! Ellen looked stunned at the sight of her unannounced guest but they were both dancing away! When they sat down, this was what Mary had to say to Ellen: "Look, I didn't come to sell anything. I just came here to thank you for coming to my show at the House of Blues the other night. I watch your show faithfully every morning, you're so funny! And I have something for you... " At this point, Ellen was practically gaping at Mary, at a total loss for words! Mary went on to explaing what the gift was. Apparently, while she was watching the episode when Ruben Studdard was on, she saw Ellen talking about the "bling-bling" accessories & then waved to Jacob on TV. Jacob & Co., is one of the famous jewelers in the R&B world. So Mary immediately called Jacob to tell him that Ellen just hollered to him on TV! So they both then came up with this special gift for Ellen. When Ellen opened the box, she was stunned to find a very hip, very R&B style, glittery "bling-bling" watch that was designed in various kinds of diamonds!! WOW! Unbelievable! Ellen clearly didn't expect that, and she was beyond shocked, then said, "Does it come with a security guard?!" That "bling-bling" must be very expensive, indeed! Clearly, Mary, like many other celebrities in Hollywood, simply adores Ellen. Just look at what she did just because Ellen went to see her perform! She was really very grateful and appreciative of Ellen's support for her music and it showed. After that, Mary quickly left so Ellen could continue with her show. How sweet was Mary J. Blige, eh? And Ellen was clearly thinking about that too 'coz she looked a little dazed and confused for a moment (who wouldn't, after all the showers of gratitude, gift and attention!) before snapping herself out of it to continue her routine of announcing today's guests! The whole Mary J. Blige visit was SWEET!!

Kate Winslet came out looking all bubbly and cheery. She admitted that she was nervous about doing the show 'coz it'd been a long time since she did all the public interviews and promos as she only had her baby 10 weeks ago! Ellen jumped quickly to the baby-talk. Kate has 2 kids - her daughter's 3 and she has a newborn baby boy who's 10 weeks old. Ellen didn't hide her surprise about how young Kate is and she already has 2 kids! Kate's 28-years-old. Just as Ellen was beginning to ask her about her newborn baby, Kate interrupted her all of a sudden, "I'm sorry,.. but I'm sitting here with Dory, everyone!" This is my world..it's "Finding Nemo". My daughter - it's what she watches everyday. Absolutely loves it. And you were so fantastic!" Ellen was flattered but was a little apologetic about her cold and said, "She [Kate's daughter] may not recognize the voice when she sees this show 'coz Dory has a cold right now! 'Coz this is not really Dory's sound...do I sound like Dory right now?" Kate immediately replied, "I'm afraid you do..very much so." It was hilarious! Obviously Ellen couldn't let Kate leave without giving her a huge basket of "Finding Nemo" goodies for her to take home to her Dory-loving daughter! Kate was clearly delighted to see all the good stuff!

Ellen, again, did a fabulous thing for someone today. Yes, this time, it was a couple. Apparently, the husband sent a tape in to ask if Ellen could attend his wife's birthday party as a surprise. But instead of Ellen going to them, she flew them to LA instead as a birthday present for the wife! The wife is a huge fan of Ellen's ever since her sitcom days. Well, if you think that flying the couple to LA was the only thing Ellen did, think again! She practically showered them with tons of gifts - a signed framed poster of that guy who plays the young Superman in "Smallville," an HP digital camera & printer, a TiVO set, a 10-day cruise, and... a HUGE cardboard cut-out of Ellen herself since she guessed that the wife's a huge fan! The couple was speechless...obviously! Wow, what else will Ellen be giving out next?!

Marlo Thomas, a 4-time Emmy Award winner, and one of Ellen's favorites, came on. Ellen kept raving about Marlo's classic sitcom, "That Girl," becoz the show really inspired Ellen when she was growing up. They talked about Marlo being married to Phil Donahue, for 24 years! Ellen wasted no time in asking Marlo about the magic of a lasting relationship! "Knowing how to fight & fight well, & knowing that you don't have to fix everything for your spouse. Sometimes you only need to listen." That was what Marlo had to say. Then they talked about Marlo's Lifetime movie which she co-stars with William Devane. It was filmed on location in New Zealand. Of 'coz Ellen had to ask, "Hey, did you see any hobbits while you were in New Zealand?" Very cheeky!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Trying on Clothes & Growing Feet!:
  On trying on clothes, Ellen had this to say: "Always sit down when you're trying a pair of pants on, especially these low-rise things they're making now...by the time you sit down, they're at your knees!!! Your whole butt is hanging out of them! You don't realize it until you're...at church!! I buy pants sometimes & I think, you know, they're tight but then, I just think, you know, well maybe, you know, I don't have to button them. I can just wear a really long shirt! If I can zip them up most of the way, I think that's fine! Or wear, like, a little tunic or something over it, or if I'm wearing jeans, I'll get just a HUGE denim underwear... you can't tell, you know....where the pants....[couldn't finish her sentence 'coz the audience's laughter was thunderous!] Just imagine how uncomfortable denim underwear could be! Sometimes I buy pants & they're too tight, but you try to gauge how much weight you have to lose for them to feel good...that's probably about 2 lbs..that's not 5 lbs...2 lbs. I could lose 2 lbs. I should buy these! And then you just hang them in the closet...It's incentive, like, you know, I just need to lose 2 lbs. for me to be able to put these pants on & then they just hang there, mocking you, just hanging in the closet forever!!"
• "I just realize this..I just found out a few years ago, that as you age, your feet keep growing & your ears keep growing!! It's true!! Oh, you'd be surprised...now you won't, but.. I didn't know & I had no idea 'coz I used to wear a 7 1/2 & now I wear an 8 1/2.. ear muff!!! [big laughter] No..I used to wear 7 1/2 shoes & I'd continue to try on 7 halves & then I'd finally go for an 8, & now I'm at 8 1/2 & I had no idea!! I realize that my feet are growing 'coz I can now get to the kitchen sooner. It used to take me 28 steps, but now, just 4 or 5 & I'm in there!! I really didn't know! But now I wear shoes that are too big 'coz I'd rather wear shoes that are too big 'coz you can always..you just add tissue or, wear 8 or 9 pairs of socks...you can put your wallet in there...there's plenty of room! Big shoes are better. That's why clowns are so happy 'coz they have all that space...!! That's what I'm saying. You gotta have toe room. You have toe room, you'll have happy feet. You got happy feet, you'll wanna dance!"

Ellen was happy to have Gillian Anderson come on the show today. "She's a friend of mine, she's an amazing actress...Gillian Anderson's on the show today!" When Gillian came out, both she and Ellen were looking at each other adoringly & gave each other a big, long hug before finally sitting down to chat. "I can't believe I have to come to a talk show to see you now 'coz I haven't seen you," exclaimed Gillian, looking at Ellen. Gillian has very long blonde hair now and Ellen immediately asked her about it. "Your hair is so long!" The last time they saw each other, it was 7 months ago, and Gillian's hair was a little shorter then. Gillian dyed her hair blonde as soon as "The X Files" ended. Then she went to London and did a play there for 5 months and took a year off. Gillian grew up in London so she'd always wanted to go back to London to reside in some capacity. So she bought a place there already and has been going back & forth between London and LA. These 2 friends had clearly missed each other as they were joking around and being playful. Ellen started asking Gillian if she knew about the growing feet phenomenon which she knew but was in denial! She used to be a 7 but wears a 7 1/2 now. While explaining it, Gillian asked Ellen if she remembered her flip-flops which of 'coz, Ellen couldn't remember - "Don't you remember my flip-flops?!" Gillian asked and Ellen replied, "No..but I'm sure I have a picture of 'em somewhere..!" Anyhow, Gillian likes wearing flip-flops and has been wearing them for the last 7 years. Then Ellen started asking if she was still engaged...Gillian hesitated a little, but said "Yes." Despite sensing the little hesitation, Ellen told everyone that when they returned from the break, they'd talk about the engagement & Gillian immediately said, " No, we won't!" but Ellen countered, "Oh yes, we will!" Then they had to go to a commercial break, & as the camera panned out, both blondies gave each other a kiss in the cheek & were talking & whispering away! Guess they're real close friends!

When they returned from the break, Ellen asked, "So you don't wanna talk about your engagement?" Gillian replied playfully, "No..next topic.." At this point, both of them were looking at each other smiling, & Ellen clearly not wanting to let it go, asked, "Are you happy? " Gillian said with a touch of embarrassment, "Yes!" Ellen then said, "But I haven't seen him yet" which Gillian reassured her that she would, sometime in May. It was endearing to see how good their friendship is! Then Ellen switched gears & asked about Piper, Gillian's 9-year-old daughter. And they both started reminiscing about the time when 3 of them were by the pool when Piper said something really amazing. Then both remembered at the same time, but Gillian started first & said, "I remember we were sitting by the pool one day & Piper swam up to us and said, 'you know what, Mom, I know...'" but Ellen chimed in correcting her, "no, she said, 'I realize that I know the things that I know, & I don't know the things that I don't know.'" There was a moment of silence and then there was laughter from the audience while Ellen continued, "And then we lit some incense & danced around her!" Then they tried to remember what bedtime story Ellen used to tell Piper but neither one of them could remember! Very soon, they were out of time so Ellen asked what Gillian's plan is. Gillian's going back to London to do another play called, "The Sweetest Swing in Baseball," which will be played at the Royal Court from March 31st.

Russell Levering, Welch's 5-year-old spokesperson, came on the show with a "Dory" toy in his hand! He was so cute and adorable that half the time, Ellen was just smitten by his utter cuteness! Then Russell told Ellen why he brought out his "Dory" toy which was for Ellen to sign it! How adorable!! Before he left, Ellen gave him a big basket of "Finding Nemo" stuff which made Russell a real happy kid!

Donald Faison came on, looking quite shy. Apparently, he met Ellen 2 weeks ago at the Stevie Wonder show when he went up to Ellen like any other fan and began telling her how funny he thought she was after he saw Ellen's recent stand-up gig on HBO. He then told her that he was going to be on her show. Unfortunately, Ellen didn't know who Donald was and asked him, "Now, what do you do?" It was very embarrassing to Ellen 'coz Donald had to tell her that he's on the NBC sitcom, "Scrubs"!! And then she remembered! To make it up, Ellen insisted that Donald should come back to the show soon 'coz she owed him a lot! It was really funny but Donald was really sweet about it. Apparently, Donald is a dancer so he showed Ellen some dance moves which Ellen couldn't really imitate! FYI, Donald has 4 kids!! Wow!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Damn This Bloody Cold!:
  Ellen sounded like she was having a cold. She said she was congested and didn’t know how she got it ‘coz she only goes back & forth between home and work!! “I got something, whatever it is. You should see my night-stand! It’s got my vaporizers, my humidifier, my de-humidifier, my Kleenex, my tissue, my decongestant, my congestant, my nasal spray, my mouth spray, my deodorant, my tea, my honey, my bottle of Jack Daniels, my smokes…!!!! [Hoards of laughter]….They’re menthol, of ‘coz, ‘coz that’s good for you!! And then I lit my homeopathic candle and the whole table exploded!! When will this hell stop, I say!! I curse the cold!!!”
• Ellen reported about the Pink Vespa that were being auctioned off on eBay. The session closed on Monday, 3/1, and it was sold for $25,000!!!! The proceeds will go to “Peace Games,” a non-profit organization that Ellen is very involved in, which she pitched to everyone again about how important & useful the organization is for schools as it teaches kids to resolve conflicts without aggression. The Vespa was bought by Sutter Home Family Winery.

Prince performed his first song from his “Musicology” album – a re-invented version of “Kiss.” Then he sat down with Ellen to chat a little. Prince is such a shy guy! Ellen revealed to him just how big a fan she’s always been ever since the release of his 1st album & started going into which songs she really enjoyed from that album, etc… Ellen loves music, that’s for real!! That made Prince really happy and he turned to the audience and told everyone that was why he’d want to be on her show ‘coz Ellen is an old-school kind who knows what she’s talking about when it comes to music! Prince will start his tour beginning of 3/29. He then performed his 2nd song, a stylish rendition of “Nothing Compares 2 U.”

Ellen told everyone how she really likes Brittany Murphy & thought she’s funny but was surprised that they never actually met before! Brittany Murphy, best known for her acclaimed performances in “Clueless,” “8 Mile,” and also being the voice of “Luanne” on the Fox animated series, “King of the Hill,” came out greeting everyone with such hyper enthusiasm!! Brittany revealed to Ellen that she’s her humongous fan ever since Ellen’s first appearance on the “Tonight Show with Johnny Carson” back in the 80s!!!! She even remembered the “Airplane” routine that Ellen did on that show!! Ellen, obviously very amused by this hyper, adorable fan of hers sitting beside her, was surprised ‘coz Brittany must have just been a toddler back then! Brittany revealed that she’s always been a fan of late night talk shows. She was born in 1977 so she was only a few years old when she saw Ellen on TV doing the stand-up routine on “The Tonight Show!” Then they talked about how weird that they never met especially when they have the same circle of friends – through Kathy Najimy. For some reason, whenever there’s a party, they always miss each other – either Ellen arrives after Brittany leaves or vice versa!

Ellen brought up something that she found out about Brittany – that she started speaking when she was only 4 ½ months old!! Ellen was looking at Brittany in disbelief and continued to accuse Brittany for lying ‘coz nobody starts speaking at a mere 4 ½ months old!! Brittany corrected her and said she started saying some words when she was 4 ½ months old but only began communicating in sentences and paragraphs when she was 6 months old. Well, that didn’t sit well with Ellen either ‘coz she just couldn’t believe that anyone could speak, let alone communicate in sentences & paragraphs!! The whole thing was hilarious, Ellen dismissing Brittany as a liar while Brittany was trying to explain that she was speaking the truth and had proof! She even mentioned Dakota Fanning (who co-starred with her in a movie before) who also started speaking at a very early age – 5 months old!! Ellen was clearly appalled by such insanity & said to Brittany, “I know Dakota Fanning. I think she’s brilliant, I like her, but again, a LIAR, like you!!” Huge laughter from the audience & Brittany literally bent down and kissed Ellen’s feet!!!!! The whole thing was simply too funny!! Brittany IS a funny gal! When the laughter finally died down, Ellen vowed to bring on Brittany’s family and give them a lie detector test ‘coz she still couldn’t believe that Brittany started speaking at such an early age! Then she asked Brittany what her 1st memory was of her childhood. Brittany actually remembered her time in Georgia (she was born in Georgia but grew up in New Jersey) when they had to move. She was less than a year old!! Wow, what a great memory!!! And she remembered starting reading in school when she was 2. Again, Ellen was flabbergasted on hearing that and exclaimed, “You should be in a think-tank somewhere, not an actress!!”

Ellen had such a great time with young, adorable, smart & funny actress that she told Brittany that she wanted her to come back to the show soon…“You’re adorable, but…a liar!!”

Prince closed out the show with another song – “Feel For You.”

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Taking Things For Granted:
  "I realized this morning…not that I haven’t realized it before..I’ve thought about it before…But this morning I realized that we take things for granted…all the time & it’s important to not take things for granted. So I wanted to make sure that I express my gratitude to all of you for being here ‘coz I don’t want a day to go by without being grateful for this ‘coz I was thinking that there are things that we don’t pay attention to & we’re not thankful for. Think about your thumbs…just for a second….I realize without thumbs – we never, ever think about our thumbs unless we hurt ‘em. Then you realize how much you need a thumb! Thumbs are so important! For 1 day, I ask you, to tape ‘em down…nothing radical, & don’t cut ‘em off…nothing like that. Just tape ‘em down just so you just have your other fingers only, and then try to floss!! Try to floss without thumbs!! Thumb-wresting…you can kiss that goodbye! You can’t…you can’t snap your fingers, you couldn’t be in Westside Story, you couldn’t go to jazz clubs..! Your hitch-hiking days are over…maybe that’s ok to you but how am I gonna get to work?! Then when your thumb heals after you’ve gotten better, then you go back to your old ways, you completely take life for granted again!! You’re back to your gambling…your drinking..& ice-fishing…!!"
• "I say we need to appreciate the things we have. That’s the message. Just like Joni Mitchell said – “You don’t know what you got 'til it’s gone." And don’t forget Donna Summer either – "She’s someone who left out a cake in the rain & I don’t think I can take it 'coz she took so long to make it & I’ll never have that recipe again…Oh no, no, no, no, no, no…” So, don’t take anything for granted & you know what else you shouldn’t take for granted? MUSIC!!"

It was time for Robin Williams to come out but not before Ellen gave a forewarning to everybody – "Hold on to your seats!" Of 'coz, being the unpredictable, downright hysterical Robin Williams that we all know him to be, he danced & swayed his way out to Ellen! And before he finally sat down, he had to do his Janet Jackson routine again (he kept doing that at the Oscars, fyi) – the right-nipple-revealing gesture! Robin started talking about how hairy he is and told the hilarious story about his experience when he had his back waxed. "Half way through, the lady asked me, ‘Do you mind if I take a break?’" And he gave a few more outrageously hilarious examples of how he’s just too hairy which by the time he finished, everyone including Ellen was exhausted from laughing too much! And every now & then, he’d do the nipple-revealing gesture and commented about Janet Jackson's exposed nipple, " Looked like a sundial…either a sundial or a door knob!" which drew hoards of laughter from the audience & non-stop cackling from Ellen! After the laughter & the cackling died down a little, Ellen asked Robin if he really did have his back waxed and he replied, “Yes, ‘coz it kept putting my wife’s eye out!” Then he told another story about how he was hit on by an 800-lb gorilla named, “Coco,” simply because his hairy body!!

After the commercial break, Ellen talked about Robin’s TV series, “Mork & Mindy” which was 26 years ago! No wonder Robin couldn’t really remember much about it when Ellen asked if he had any memories of his TV series which lasted 4 years on ABC. “Mork & Mindy” was actually a spin-off from the classic show, “Happy Days” as a result of Robin’s one-time appearance on the show playing an alien, “Mork!” Then Ellen had to stop him to go to a 2nd commercial break within such a short period of time! So Robin joked, “Wow! How much money have we raised?!” Ellen was really grateful to Robin for appearing on her show especially when he really didn’t have anything to promote! But Robin was thoroughly enjoying the show and said it was “kick-ass fun” to be on! And Ellen asked him to come back anytime. But Ellen did mention that Robin had recently just finished filming his next movie called, “Final Cut.” Robin also took the opportunity to congratulate Ellen for the Oscar win of “Finding Nemo” & for being a part of animation history forever! Before they had to go to break again, Ellen showed Robin the infamous Ass-Cigarette Dispenser which really cracked him up!! FYI, Robin Williams has won 5 Emmys, 5 Golden Globes & 1 Academy Award!! Ellen also raved about his performance in “The World According To Garp” & “One Hour Photo” – both movies that she liked very much and urged everyone to watch them.

Juliette Lewis came on the show, & did a little dance before sitting down beside Ellen. She immediately told Ellen how happy she was to be on the show ‘coz she thought Ellen & her show are so unique, so special, and great! Obviously Juliette has watches the show! She’ll be appearing on the comedy, “Starsky & Hutch” which opens this Friday (3/5), playing Vince Vaughn’s girlfriend. Ellen also asked her about her experience at the Academy Awards – she was nominated once before for her performance in “Cape Fear” when she was only 19! Then before Juliette left the stage, she showed Ellen some of her dance moves including how to push away someone who dances too close to you in a club!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Sex & The City - Aftermath:
  "My Sunday night now have completely changed. I'm used to watching the "Sex & The City" & all of a sudden...no more. So last night was great to have the Academy Awards to keep me busy buy next Sunday I'm gonna have nothing... my "Carrie," my "Samantha," my "Miranda," my...uh.."Chimiqua"...[obviously Ellen forgot the name but was reminded by her producer behind the camera].."Charlie!!" I'll just...I watch every single week...I have nothing in common with these girls, by the way, but it was sad to see it end still, even though I can't relate. To me, it was like watching the Discovery Channel, like,..hmm..hmm.. I loved it, I was fascinated, it was beautiful to watch, it was like, watching something special, like watching some exotic bird of the Serengetti (sp?)...what interesting mating rituals they have...How can they walk in those shoes...things like that. I really enjoyed it & it was great. The ending was great & they tied up the ending nicely. That's why you know it's a televsion show 'coz everybody was taken care of & happy! In real life, "Carrie" would have ended up stuck in Paris selling notions, trying to earn enough money to get an airfare back to New York!!"
• "But anyway, I just wanna say I’ll miss every Sunday night with those girls. So, thank you, "Samantha," & "Carrie," & "Miranda," & "Charlotte," all of you, for letting us be a part of your fascinating girl-talk. I’ll miss you ‘coz you had it all…You had the sex & the city. And now, our Sundays are gonna be sexless & cityless!! So even though on Sunday nights, that’ll be sad. Just know that Monday morning, we’ll be here every morning to start your day with a …DANCE!!!"

James Caan, from the NBC series, "Las Vegas," came on, gave Ellen a kiss on her hand (& vice versa!) & gave her a present! It was a nice looking black strapped watch! Ellen then gave James a tiara which he wore…for a brief moment ‘coz he dropped it! FYI, James & Ellen never met before he came on the show. James was telling Ellen how her show is fantastic ‘coz he watches it whenever he has a chance. He sometimes even plays sick so he can stay home to watch the show & laugh! James admitted that he seldom laugh when he’s at work. Ellen went straight to the topic of James’ TV series which is gambling. She asked him what the biggest bet he made in his life & after a second, he replied, "I think it was my 2nd marriage…." [big laughs from the audience] " I bet big & lost…big!!" Then Ellen mentioned that James is actually a 6th degree karate title though he hasn’t been doing it in a long time. He then showed Ellen his busted right fist as a result of being challenged into doing a karate stunt which he had to do even though he was out of practice ‘coz he admitted that he’s a bad loser! Guess what Ellen did after hearing James’ story? She challenged him into doing the same stunt again – the karate chop to break a wood! He was such a good sport – he did it with his left fist & then used his head too!! Ellen followed suit & she did it successfully! You can watch James Caan in "Las Vegas," which airs on Mondays on NBC.

Peri Gilpin sat down with Ellen and talked about her 2nd time being in the labor ward – with Jane Leeves, her co-star on "Frasier!!!" Yes, she accompanied Jane during her 1st labor & she did it again when it was time for Jane to give birth to her 2nd child!! But this time around, they ran into a bit of a bad luck. When it was time for Jane to undergo a C-section procedure, there was a power shutdown in the hospital & Jane had to actually go home that day and return the next day for the surgery!! To Peri’s dismay, the change in the surgery schedule coincided with her facial appointment which she made a long time ago! But she couldn’t tell Jane about that. As a result, she went with Jane to the hospital, waited until she was wheeled into the surgery room, and rushed to her facial appointment, did it and rushed back to the hospital before Jane came out of surgery! That was some story!! Then Ellen talked about the series finale of "Frasier" & asked how Peri and the other cast members were taking it. Peri explained that they’d all shed tears about it already ‘coz they had one year to let the whole finale sink in. Now, she said that it’s all gonna be bittersweet in the end! "Frasier" airs on Tuesdays at 9p on NBC.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• The "Joy" of Kids:
  "I came in this morning & I was so tired. I had some friends over last night & they have kids & they brought them with them. I tell ya, kids..they can wear you out! I don't have any, but just knowing that they're out there & I know & I'm exhausted! I should say it right now - I love kids, I love babies, I love kids....for about 3 hours! And then, I have to give them right back to their parents 'coz..! They're adorable, cute little things, especially when they're sleeping..! And they're just so cuddly when you hold them, their tiny little fingers..all that's cute, they're very cute. But I'm exhausted. I don't know where parents get their energy so I applaud anyone who has kids out there..good for you! Me, 3 hours..& you live with them...ALL THE TIME!!! And they say the 'terrible 2's'... this kid was 4!! And 'terrible' should be in front of anything..there should be terrible..I dated someone who was 'terrible 30!!'"
• "I love babies. I don't mind the clutter, but I just don't wanna child-proof my house!! If kids were more like cats..To me, if they were self-cleaning, if they would lick themselves clean, I wouldn't mind..'coz they're dirty! The kids are sticky! There must be some gland that would secrete sticky...right where Spiderman has the web that shoots out...caramel just oozes outta there!!! All over their hands!!! *sigh* As adorable as they are, I just don't have the patience. I can read one story...that's plenty! You don't need me to read another story! They want to play a game over & over & over again..!! And they want to pretend!! Everything is pretend....& I don't know the difference between pretend &...'c-u-c-k-o-o', you know..like...'I don't wanna ride a pony..where's the pony?!'"
• "I think that what's good about being around kids is to hang on to the child-like qualities 'coz they've a lot of beautiful qualities. I think that if you let the stickiness go & follow a lot more of their examples.....I think we should cry more..And they're honest. They just say anything that they feel. They don't try to pretend to make you feel better, they just say what they feel & I think we should be more honest."
• Then Ellen boogied to the music of C&C Music Factory, "Things That Make You Go Hmmm...," and danced her way to the audience, singling out one audience member who was obviously loving it!
• Ellen then mentioned about the autographed pink Coach Vespa with signatures of her recent guests, i.e. Britney Spears, Charlize Theron, Drew Barrymore, etc.. which will be auctioned off on eBay (or what she likes to call, "Ellen Bay!"). The bid is now up to $11,100. There are only 2 days left to bid. The bidding will close on Mar 1st. So if anyone of you are interested in it, simply go the Ellen Celeb Signed COACH Vespa Scooter page on eBay!
• On the segment, "Have Houston Do It For You," Ellen sent Houston to Louisville, KY (which incidentally, is Houston's hometown) to help fix a kid's bathroom (Kyle, who sent in a tape requesting for Houston's help).

Harry Connick, Jr. came on, getting huge cheers from the audience. Guess what, Harry from Ellen's hometown of New Orleans, too!! What's even weirder is, both Harry & Ellen's dads know each other since they were kids! Talk about living in a tiny, little world!! Harry has 3 kids so he was commenting on Ellen's monologue about her take on kids earlier, and could understand the child-proof thing in the house. He himself has everything all locked up so that his kids can't access them. But instead of the usual child-proof locks, he & his wife use the "squinchies" (the rubbery thing that one uses to hold her ponytail?!) to lock the drawers & cabinets! But unfortunately, Harry doesn't know how to remove those things so he can't eat when he's alone at home 'coz he can't access those locked cabinets!! Ellen was raving about Harry's performance on "Will & Grace" and asked if he's gonna return to the show anytime soon. Harry replied that he's scheduled to go back for filming next month but admitted that he doesn't know what's gonna happen to his character on the show. "But I hope that I'll hook up with Jack," he remarked with a twinkle in his eye! Well, that WOULD be wild if he did!! And Ellen was also raving about his success not only in his music but his acting as well, having appeared in quite a few movies. Harry remembered that he first started his acting debut about 15 years ago. His first movie was "Memphis Belle" which he thoroughly enjoyed doing.

Donald Trump from his hit show, "The Apprentice," came on. He's famous for his 2 words on the show, "You're Fired!" Ellen kept saying that! Ellen was telling Donald how she likes his show and asked if he's ever been fired in his life. He never did, fortunately, 'coz he was working for his dad! Lucky guy! Donald also finds it very easy to fire people, to Ellen's amazement! But hey, we're talking about THE Donald Trump here - the biggest developer in New York!!! In the middle of the interview, Donald suddenly looked toward direction (off-camera) and said, "There's a beautiful woman right there.." He turned to Ellen and asked, "Is that your mother?!" And the camera immediately panned to the direction where Betty DeGeneres was sitting! She was obviously looking embarrassed! The audience roared!! Guess what Ellen's response was? She turned to Donald and said, "She's available, if you're interested!" Naughty Ellen!! Then Donald talked about the lowest time of his life - when he was $900 million in debt back in 1991!!! Obviously, he's recovered fully since then 'coz he's worth..$5 billion!!!

Harry Connick, Jr. closed out the show with a performance of a song from his latest CD, "Only You."

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Storm Watch 2004!:
  "It's raining like crazy outside. It's pouring down, raining outside! That's what happens when it rains in L.A. It gets crazy! Literally, they have a reporter standing by the traffic now...Right, 'coz the rain always starts from the traffic.." It's Storm Watch 2004!! We have news flashes updating us on TV throughout the day..seriously, our show may even be interrupted by breaking news about the rain!" [paraphrase] "It's like a hurricane coming to the coast of California or something - rain is so rare here, we freak out! And we have to announce it to everyone, like something big is happening, like 'the locusts are here!' I love the rain 'coz I get to stay indoors, have a cup of hot cocoa...which is a code name for 'brandy...!!'"
• To illustrate just how hysterical people in LA react to the rain, Ellen had Houston standing outside the studio lot, all wrapped up in a yellow raincoat, covered from head to toe, armed with a mic (just like those poor journalists you see on the news who have to report about a storm whenever it happens despite being completely drenched in the wet weather...or not!) to report about the status of the "storm!" It was funny! When Ellen asked Houston if it was raining, Houston replied, "It's drizzling now. Everybody's freaking out!" Ellen then asked, "What are people wearing?" Houston uttered, "Uh..sweater & pants..."
• What better song to play to match with Ellen's monologue today than the catchy tune, "It's Raining Men!" Ellen was just wisking herself away to the beat along with the excited audience.

Ray Romano, from "Everybody Loves Raymond" & his new movie, "Welcome to Mooseport," came on. Ellen mentioned that despite both of them started out as stand-up comedians and on TV, they don't know each other! Ray agreed and asked her when she started in showbiz. Ellen started doing stand-ups back in 1981 whereas Ray started 2 years later. What was surprising was that Ray only first met Ellen on the red carpet several years ago when she was doing the Grammys pre-show for CBS! Anyway, Ellen asked if "Everybody Loves Raymond" would continue on next year, which Ray hoped it would - not for the money, 'coz Ray admitted that he doesn't need it. He's got..a lot of it..and as far as he knows, his wife doesn't need any - all the money goes straight to his wife, anyway! Then they talked about Ray's move to the big screen in his new movie, "Welcome to Mooseport." Ellen thought that was his first big screen gig, but Ray corrected her, saying that his movie debut was as an animtated character in "Ice Age". As Ray said, "I wanted to weane the movie-goers to seeing me on the big screen, so I wanted to start off with doing a voice-over." "Welcome to Mooseport" also co-star Maura Tierney ("ER") and Gene Hackman, who plays the President in the movie which is in theatres nationwide now. You can see Ray in action on the small screen in "Everybody Loves Raymond" airing on Mondays @ 9p on CBS.

Dee Dee Davis, the little girl from "The Bernie Mac Show" came on, holding her purse. Almost immediately, Ellen wanted to see what was inside her purse but Dee Dee wouldn't tell her. That, of 'coz, made it worse 'coz Ellen wouldn't let up since then, pestering the poor girl every chance she had but Dee Dee proved too tough for her 'coz she just wouldn't budge, "lecturing" Ellen that "whatever is in a girl's purse is private!" She was adorable! Ellen even tried to bribe her into giving up her stance on "purse privacy" by giving her a giant-sized basket of toys and goodies! Nope, that didn't work! Ellen asked Dee Dee what it was like working with Bernie Mac on the show. Dee Dee immediately revealed that Bernie always messes up his lines so sometime she has to tell him off!! You go, girl!!

It was time for Precious, the orangutan, to come on. It was her 2nd visit to the show. But this time, she wasn't very attentive toward Ellen despite the host giving her bananas and drinks! In the end, the crew brought out a swing & both Ellen and Precious started swinging like two primates having a good time! You can catch Precious on NBC's "Passion" every day.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Friend vs. Acquaintance:
  "I'm very happy to be here today...not that I'm not happy to be here everyday but, I always like it when someone I know is on the show because...Allison Janney's been on the show several times, & she's sorta become a friend so I'm excited about that. People have asked me about this...actually, no one's asked me..but..eventually, they will! Like, do I hang out with other celebrities. I guess people just assume you hang out with comedians, you hang out with other celebrities just 'coz you are. I'd say that I have friends who are celebrities. Some people are friends, some people are more of..acquaintances than friends. For instance, people say, what's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. To me, an acquaintance is someone who'd ask me if I'd like something to drink; a friend would just know to fix me a drink..GreyGoose with cranberry & lime..!! And a best friend would know to keep it coming!!!"
• "A friend, you know, when you hug each other, when you greet each other, there's that embrace, & an acquaintance..before you get to that full embrace, that hug that keeps the pat..that keeps going on on the back....to me, the pat is not really a commitment. It almost cancels out the hug! To me, I don't want to be patted on the back..!! Or, you hug with just the tips of your shoulders touching, & the legs...it's almost like, children could run through....!!!"
• "It's an ice-breaker to say that.."We have a mutual friend." It's a good ice-breaker 'coz sometimes when you're standing there trying to figure out what to say...This is a very sad & true story - when I was doing my tour a couple of years ago, doing stand-up, I was at the airport. The limo driver picked me up & we were waiting for the luggage. The limo driver was just standing there for a minute & all of a sudden, he said, "H-hey, I drove Melissa Etheridge just last month!" "O..Ok-ay....I see where you're going with this..." "

Before Allison Janney came out, Ellen had this to say - "Hey, I love her. Allison Janney is on the show today. She's mainly here for the ping-pong rematch! I want you, Allison, I want you!! I'm tired of her saying to me that I can't win. It was complicated the last time..I don't know who won. It could've been me, it could've been her..."(well, we all know that Ellen lost the last time!) But clearly, Ellen and Allison are truly becoming real buddies 'coz they always have such a great time when they're together, such fantastic rapport they have, which is not very common between the host and the guest, you know. Anyway...Ellen went on telling everyone that whoever wins the rematch would take home the "Grudge Cup" (a huge trophy). Then Ellen made the "official" introduction of Allison and she came out, wearing a jumper and a pair of jeans but she had a thin-thin, see-through long polyester-like skirt which wasn't really a complete skirt 'coz there wasn't anything at the back! It was more like a "sarong" type, wrapped around the waist, only it's made out of extremely thin fabric. Allison began to dance to the song, "Hot Stuff" which Tony played & invited Ellen to dance with her, which she ended up banging bums with Ellen! It was a ruckus, those two wisecracks can bring the house down! When they both finally sat down, Ellen immediately turned to Allison, staring down at the "skirt, "What the hell..?! Is this an apron??!" Well, we should've known..Allison wore that skirt so that if Ellen loses the ping-pong rematch, Ellen would have to wear it! That was Allison's challenge which Ellen immediately exclaimed to Allison, "Bring it on!" Then both of them started talking trash to each other, trying to psych each other out! It was hilarious!!

After all the trash-talk, and both hysterical women had settled down, Ellen started talking about Allison having a flu recently which lasted 5 days. Ellen herself also got the stomach flu which she said it was going around everywhere. The last time Ellen saw Allison was at the Golden Globes this year. But Ellen was behind the bar serving drinks! Ellen explained that because she likes to arrive early at any Awards show, this time when she arrived early, the bartender wasn't even there yet. So she went behind the bar and started serving drinks to the guests! She served Allison a drink, which Allison said, "You serve a mean vodka tonic! It was a whole vodka - it was very strong!!" Allison was saying how all the Award shows always makes her very stressful. She remembered on her 1st Emmys show, her very tight-fitting dress by Pamela Dennis just split open on her bottom at the eleventh hour & had to literally be sown onto it later! It was horrible, so Allison doesn't like the stress that the Award shows always make her feel. Then she talked about wanting to have a puppy which Ellen strongly discouraged & kept trying to convince her to get a grown dog instead. But Allison didn't budge 'coz she really wants to get a puppy! Ellen then warned her that she'd regret it 'coz puppies need a lot of work! And finally, they talked about tonight's episode of "The West Wing." Allison mentioned that she was worried about her mother watching this episode. Tonight's episode, according to Allison, is supposed to have a different look at her character, "C.J." But she wouldn't elaborate more. So, naturally, Ellen got curious and asked, "Were you naked?" FYI, these 2 women have been talking about being naked all the time ever since Allison told Ellen, when she was on the show for the 1st time, that she & her boyfriend once drove naked on Beverly Hills in a convertible! And Ellen, of 'coz, can't forget about that! Anyway, Allison wouldn't say what happened to "C.J." on tonight's episode and there wasn't a clip to show, either. Before the show went to commercials, Ellen told everyone that she and Allison would have the ping-pong rematch at the end of the show and taunted Allison again by saying that she'd actually won the 1st time around instead of Allison! Ellen was telling her, "I'm not kidding this time," which Allison retorted, " I'm not kidding around, either. I'm mad as hell! I'm gonna go back & warm up. I'm going. Goodbye." And she actually stormed off the set in a huff! But of 'coz we know she & Ellen were just doing the trash-talk again 'coz Allison turned back when she was walking towards back-stage, pointed her finger at Ellen with a wicked grin & shouted, "I'm gonna come back for you!!" The whole segment was deliciously funny & hilarious!! You can see funny & playful Allison Janney in action on "The West Wing" every Wednesday @ 9p on NBC.

Hazel Smith was invited back to the show again 'coz Ellen ran out of time the last time she was supposed to be on. So today, Hazel demonstrated the way to make country-fried steak. Ellen, of 'coz, screwed up her gravy! It looked nothing like gravy...more like a lump of fat on the frying pan!!

Liev Schreiber came on and Ellen told him that she found out something about Liev when she was doing her research. It seems that both Liev & Ellen, when they were kids, wanted to be an elevator operator!! Wow! Then they talked about Liev's upcoming Showtime movie, "Spinning Boris," which was made a couple of years ago when campaign reform was a hot topic. The story's about Boris Yeltsin's election campaign & how he covertly hires a group of political consultants to win the campaign. It airs on Showtime on Sunday, March 14th. Ellen also mentioned to everyone how absolutely great Liev was in the movie, "A Walk On the Moon," which also starred Diane Lane. She urged everyone to check it out if they haven't seen it yet.

And now, finally, the long-awaited Ping-Pong Rematch between 2 rivals, Ellen DeGeneres & Allison Janney! The whole set up was hilarious 'coz they made it like a boxing match where Allison & Ellen came trodding down to the famous theme from "Rocky," from behind either side of the audience, wearing the familiar boxer robes w/ hoods hiding their faces!! And then the match began!! It was a 5-point match, where there wasn't going to be any serving. Whoever wins the 5 points wins the match. The game started and Ellen served. Both played well until Ellen started hassling Allison to tell her if she was going to be naked on tonight's episode of "The West Wing" & before we know it, Allison missed and Ellen won her 1st point!! Then it was all Ellen psyching out Allison - very successfully this time - when she went on asking Allison what her mom would think of her if she watched tonight's episode & found out something that she wasn't going to be happy about! Yup, Allison was clearly distracted from Ellen's endless questions, and got clumsy with the ball and screwed up her game! At the end of the very exciting match, Allison only had 1 point and Ellen got 5!! Oh, you should have seen Ellen's reaction to her win!! She was gloating everywhere while Queen's song, "We Are The Champions," played on!! It was so funny 'coz Allison took the "Grudge Cup" and Ellen actually thought that she'd run away with it so she kept on warning Allison, "Don't touch that! Don't touch that!" But in actual fact, Allison was going to hand over the trophy to Ellen like a good ol' loser! And after handing it over, Allison, looking all droopy, went to the corner, hugged one of the assistants, and pretended to be all upset and cried! The whole thing is simply not to be missed, folks! One of the most hilarious episodes to date, I must say!

Anyway, Houston ended up wearing Allison's see-through skirt! And the show closed out with Ellen & Allison still playing ping-pong!! Wow, they truly are very competitive & love the game! Well, let's see if there's gonna be another rematch later on, eh?

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Guilty Pleasures of Fabric Softeners & Doing Laundry:
  "I'm in a happy mood today. I came to work today, I got dressed. The thing is, the clothes I'm wearing now are not mine..they're...Kathie Lee Gifford's..! I wear my street clothes..I wear my clothes here & I change. I wear a jumpsuit usually..Anyway, as I'm taking off the pants, there's one of those "Bounce " sheets, one of those fabric softeners, that'd been in the pant leg for...quite a while...I shoulda known 'coz as I was driving here, I smelled EXTRA Spring Fresh..& it's February, so I thought, something's wrong..! And I'll say it, I'm not afraid to admit it..I know I should stay neutral, it's election year, but I really like the "Bounce" sheets, I do!! Some people don't like the fabric softener..they stay away from it. I enjoy the "Bounce " sheets. Sometimes I'd put 2 in. I like my clothes to be very, very soft,...although, if you put too many "Bounce" sheets in, your clothes become almost like, uh,..lotion! It feels like you're wearing lotion, you know what I'm saying?! But I do my laundry. I..I still do my own laundry as much as I can...not so much that I don't want people to see my underwear! I'll..I'll show you that for a nickel, I don't care...!!! 'Coz that's why people do their own laundry but I like doing it...I enjoy doing it. And there's so much that can go wrong if you're not careful doing laundry properly...'coz one stray sock & you'll get pink clothes! White clothes and one red sock, the whole thing turns pink! Or you have the wrong cycle..if you put on 'Regular' instead of 'Delicate,' which by the way, 'Delicate,'...it's really, it's just a term on a washing machine, meaning... brassiere...just the water, gently holds it, it just rocks it up & down...! That's what happens in 'Gentle'...! What's happening in 'Regular,' then??! That scares me!!"

Jim Belushi made his 2nd visit to the show! Tom Jones was also on today so Jim was saying how excited he was 'coz he's a huge Tom Jones fan! He actually saw Tom at the "House of Blues" when he started his band 9 years ago. He even got Tom's autograph on his Tom Jones CD! Talk about a big fan, eh? Ellen mentioned that Jim's brother, the late John Belushi, was finally getting a star on the Walk of Fame. Guess when the inauguration is gonna be? APRIL 1ST, April Fool's Day! Talk about ironic, what with John Belushi being a comedian all his life, and all..! Then Jim told Ellen that he still tours with his band across the country along with buddy, Danny (Dan Akroyd). They usually do their "Blue Brothers" songs and stunts while on stage. Ellen immediately asked him to do one of those "Blues Brothers" moves..& he did!! What a good sport! Yup, he did the back flip! You can see Jim Belushi in action on "According to Jim" every Tuesday @ 9p on ABC.

Mischa Barton, from the hit FOX show, "The O.C.," came on the show, being very polite with Ellen..just a handshake! Ellen began asking Mischa about her unusual name, which is Russian. But the funny thing is, Mischa's not Russian! She's actually half Irish, half German! She admitted that her parents did have an odd way of naming their kids! Mischa grew up in New York but just moved to L.A. recently. So obviously she's not used to driving yet but loves to drive...FAST! Unfortunately she gets distracted very easily while driving, like she'd accidentally step on the gas paddle instead of the brake! Incidentally, the whole cast & crew on the set nicknamed her "Leftfoot Barton"! Ellen was then commenting on the hit show being something like "Beverly Hills 90210" but set in Orange County, and filled with soap opera plots & sub- plots! Finally, before she let Mischa go, Ellen had to ask her about rumors running around that she and co-star, Benjamin McKenzie, are going out in real life. The spunky gal very clearly and nonchalantly confirmed that the rumors are...NOT TRUE! So, for those of you who've been wondering, the lady has spoken, so.. You can catch Mischa Barton and gang on "The O.C." every Wednesday @ 9p on FOX.

Tom Jones performed one of his classic hits, "It's Not Unusual" from his latest CD, "Reloaded - Greatest Hits." Then he closed out the show with another song.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Forgetfulness:
  "I need to feel good these days 'coz the other day, for no reason, I found my towel in my trash. I didn't understand why & then I realized that I meant to put my towel in the dirty clothes hamper, & it was in the trash! And I'm doing it more & more. There's like a set of cabinets that all match exactly in my bathroom. And one is the dirty clothes hamper & the rest are for shampoo, &..& all of my.. uh..sundries..! And I'm opening the wrong cabinet! And I know which...I live there! I know where it is..! It's happening more & more now!"
• "Have you ever looked for your hat everywhere & it's on your head?! And you're looking for your mail &....it's on your head?! WHY??!! But seriously, I have 2 cats & I've had them for about 7 years now & I'm calling them the wrong name! I just look at one & I call that one the other one's name!! They don't seem to notice but it makes me worried, you know! It's like, I'm doing all the things that I used to make fun of my parents for, like, 'coz you know how your parents used to call you your sibling's name & you think, how do you NOT know it's me!! Have you ever brushed your teeth & literally, you forget & you brush them again? You've just brushed them & you..that's not a bad thing, actually. There's nothing wrong with brushing your teeth 20..or 30 times....then that's a different problem!!"
• "The best thing is when we call to leave ourselves a message to remind...do you ever do this? 'Coz it's so weird to call yourself.. That's a little crazy, like,...Hey,..this is Ellen...uh..uh..ohh..forgot whawt I was gonna say! I'm gonna call you back..or...you call me! I don't wanna be neurotic now...do you ever worried that you're worrying too much?...That's just part of life,..don't even start... then you focus on that...There's something else I was supposed to tell you about but I forgot, so..uh..Tony, just play some music..!!! "
• Ellen mentioned about the pink Vespa again which has signatures of the show's past guests, i.e. Britney Spears, Ashton Kutcher, Drew Barrymore, Adam Sandler, Sting, Charlize Theron, etc.. The Vespa will be auctioned off and its proceeds will go to Peace Games which Ellen is very involved in. FYI, Peace Games is a program at schools that teaches kids how to solve problems without aggression. For more details, just go to the show's website at http://www.ellendegeneres.com.

The Fab Five aka The Queer Eye Guys, came out & started dancing with Ellen before finally sitting down to have a little chat with the happy host...well, not until Jai (Culture Vulture) did a solo hot dance first! Ellen was very happy to have those guys on the show 'coz she apparently had been trying to get them on for ages! Carson (Fashion Savant) revealed that people have been telling him he looks like Ellen...mostly from behind, that is! Ellen was commenting about the huge popularity of their show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," which she likes to watch very much. Then she asked the guys how their popularity has changed them. Carson almost immediately replied, "Before the show, when I was walking in the mall, people would be like, 'eww, it's that gay guy!' Now it's, 'Oh my God, it's the queer guy!'" The audience erupted! Then there was a Q&A session when Ellen read out the questions posed by the audience members before the show started. Questions like:
Q: How do you tactfully tell someone that they're wearing too much cologne?
Kyan (Grooming Guru): When you're hugging the person, just say, "OH WOW!!! What ARE you wearing?!" That'll make the other person ask if he's wearing too much...(hmm...could work!)
Q: Are pleated pants ever good?
Carson: NO!! Guys think pleats make them thinner but I say, if anything, they make you look fatter 'coz of the extra cloth!
Q: What color is the best to make a place look bigger?
Thorn (Design Doctor): Dark colors. They give an illusion of depth.
Q: Is it ever ok to drink wine out of a box?
Ted (Food & Wine Connoisseur): Only if you wanna serve cheap wine or wanna get the person out of your house as quickly as possible..! No, serving wine out of a box is never good!
Q: If you're invited to someone's party, do I have to bring something?
Jai: You don't have to, but it's always polite to bring something, & it's a good thing to do.. (at that moment, Carson was trying on the tiara that Emily Procter gave to Ellen when she was on the show!)

The Queer Eye Guys have a couple of books out and a CD featuring all the music from their show. "Queer Eye For The Staight Guy" airs every Tuesday at 10p on BRAVO.

Murphy Lee along with Nelly & Jermaine Dupri danced with the audience & Ellen when they sang their songs, "What Da Hook Gon Be" & "Shake Ya Tailfeather" from Murphy's CD, "Murphy's Law" (which Ellen liked very much & was the song Tony played when Ellen danced to her seat earlier on ). After the fun & energetic performance, Nelly gave Ellen a big hug! Cool!

Jeffrey Tambor came on and Ellen started telling everyone what a hilarious guy Jeff is. She remembered when she was sitting next to him on "Hollywood Squares" he made her laugh so much! Ellen then talked about Jeff's comedy show, "Arrested Development," and how she absolutely loves it. She urged everyone to check it out, not only because it's very funny, but it's very unique too. "Arrested Development" is developed by the same guy who developed Ellen's last sitcom, "The Ellen Show," & one of its executive producer is Ron Howard who also does the voice overs on the show! Then both Ellen & Jeff talked about their attendance at this year's Golden Globes. Jeff shared his "awful" red carpet experience! "I remember, as I was walking down the red carpet, I realized that on my right was Tom Cruise & on my left was Catherine Zeta Jones! I'm telling ya, I could've lit fire to myself & people would just be like, 'Could someone remove that ball of fire out of the way?!' It was awful! I never felt so small!! " "Arrested Development" airs every Sunday at 9:30p on FOX.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Learning Another Language:
  Ellen admitted that she only knows how to speak English..well, except a couple of words, like, "como esta?" (Spanish), "hai" (Japanese)!! She talked about how impressive it was to see a lot of people, especially those outside of the country, speaking more than 1 language. "It's sad that I don't speak anything else. I heard that you have to learn it early. Your brain is developing when you're young, they say, up until 3 years old, that's when the language part is developing & if you learn a different language or hear a different language early on, you're more likely to be able to learn later on in life...& it shuts off at a certain point, your brain kinda closes up when it's not being used & so I look at it like your brain is like a mall..& in some cases, it's a mini mall! It's like, there's a store open, a brand new store, but if nobody's going in there, ever, then it's gonna shut down. And so I have a lot of gaps in my mall...not the clothing store...just a bunch of gaps & I mean, there are things open, it's a mall...not a Rand McNally...more like a Hot Dog & A Stick area, & like, a fountain with teenagers hanging out smokin' & cursin'! So that's what's going on in my mall... But I hate that I can't speak any other language."
• She then rambled on about the difficulty of the English language - the technical part of it, i.e. grammar, vocabulary, spelling.. like the vowels, the hard & soft pronunciation of certain alphabets, the silent alphabets..! "There's a hard "C" & a soft "C," & then a "Hi-C" which is...delicious!"

Meg Ryan, whose movie opens today, "Against the Ropes," came on & gave Ellen a hug. Before Meg came on, Ellen labeling her as "one of the most beloved actresses" to everyone, & repeated that to Meg when she sat down beside Ellen. Then Ellen started complimenting on Meg's hair, saying that she was always curious what kind of hair-styles Meg would have all the time 'coz like Jennifer Aniston's famous hairdo trend, Meg's hair-styles set the trend as well. Ellen really liked Meg's hair (which is her usual bop-style, not the clean bop..more of like a "just got out of bed" bop!) which she labeled it "very cute" which made Meg a little embarrassed but flattered! Meg started telling Ellen that people keep mistaking her for Ellen in places like "7 Eleven" which caused a big roar of laughter from the audience especially after Ellen uttered bewilderingly, "Were they holding a brown bag, with a bottle inside?!" Ellen then asked what those people would say to her when they thought Meg was her. Meg told her that she'd get free stuff sometimes, and they'd let her use the bathroom when you normally wouldn't be allowed to if you're not a patron. Ellen was very flattered to hear this & said that people have told her that she "seemed" like Meg Ryan but she's never been mistaken for the mega star.

Then they talked about Ellen being invited to Oprah's recent 50th birthday party & Meg was at John Travolta's in Mexico where it was a surprise birthday bash organized by his wife, Kelly Preston! Then they went into playing games..Meg's also a games person. She plays "running charades" which Ellen said it could be dangerous 'coz it's a very competitive, team game! However, Meg doesn't know "poker," which Ellen said she knows a little - she's been invited to the "Celebrity Poker" show (don't know when it's gonna air on TV). Ellen also likes to watch boxing (this was brought up when Meg talked a little about her new movie and asked Ellen if she knew about the sport). Ellen showed a commercial which Meg made when she was very young - an AIM fluoride (toothpaste) commercial - which brought back memories to Meg! She couldn't remember that one..but only the BK commercial which she said she did it once with Sarah Jessica Parker before! Meg seemed to be enjoying herself (she's pretty shy!) very much on the show and thanked Ellen for having her on!

Indigo Girls performed a song from their latest CD, "All That We Let In." Before they performed, Ellen told revealed how grateful she was that Indigo Girls agreed to come on the show 'coz she didn't know if she was forgiven for apparently "screwing up" their performance at the Lilith Fair some time ago when she was asked to sing along with them on-stage only to end up screwing up her lines! But of 'coz it's all water under the bridge 'coz Ellen and the Indigo Girls are buddies!

Ellen closed out the show with another performance by Indigo Girls and this time, she went to the duo and sang with them!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen's latest favorite segment, "Show Us Your Moves," has been getting quite a lot of responses where people have been sending in videos of them doing some suggested dance moves to show Ellen. There was this woman from Chicago, her name's Jenny Walsh, who was actually the FIRST person to send in the tape to Ellen's show right after Ellen announced the new segment on the show. To show her appreciation, Ellen flew her to L.A. immediately so Jenny could show Ellen her moves in person! That was great & of 'coz Jenny, being a self-professed big fan of Ellen's, was beside herself when she finally sat next to Ellen! She did pretty well with her moves in front of not just Ellen, but the audience and on TV!

Marg Helgenberger came on and expressed her appreciation to Ellen in having her on the show and was very excited! She clearly likes Ellen very much and vice versa. Both of them started chatting about the last time they saw each other which was at the Grammys. Marg brought her 13-year-old son and his friend with her and said it was probably one of the best Grammy shows she'd seen in a long while due to some of the greatest performances from both the veterans & the today's popular singers alike. Ellen apparently first met Marg's son when they bumped into each other during vacation in Big Sur. Marg was telling Ellen how her son was not at all interested in Big Sur with its beautiful vistas while she loved it. And Ellen uttered, "Well, that's the thing. When you're getting older, you appreciate the vista a little more.." and Marg started to chuckle endlessly, she & Ellen looked at each other, & the audience just burst into laughter too, which made Ellen even more embarrassed & Marg chuckled even more, seemingly enjoying herself!

Then they talked about how "CSI" has become such a pop phenomenon. Ellen brought some latex gloves & asked Marg to show everyone how to get them on. When asked if it was a difficult thing to do, Marg basically said that women are better than the guys on the show..."Women are better with their hands than men in general. Guys would need assistance..," uttered Marg who turned to the audience with a twinkle in her eyes & a cheeky look, as she spoke! And before you know it, the audience just erupted! Marg was looking toward Ellen, laughing, and Ellen immediately said, "I'm not even gonna go there!" Very funny indeed!

The Krapp Brothers, who have a show on the National Geographic channel every Sunday at 8p, were on the show again, bringing with them some exotic animals - amadillo, lynx, ground hornbill, and even a zebra!!! FYI, Tony, the DJ, is terrified of birds (as a result of watching Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" which is the common reason of some people who fear birds!) so he wasn't looking forward to this segment at all! When the brothers brought in the huge ground hornbill, there were 2 guys holding a net each guarding the area where Tony was standing! It was pretty funny! According to the brothers, of all the animals they've worked with, they found chimpanzees and orcas to be among the smartest.

JC Chasez performed a song from his first solo CD, "Schizophrenia."

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Gardening:
  Ellen loves gardening, yard work - loves prunning & trimming. "I love gardening. It's probably my favorite thing to do. I love to prune. It's not very impressive, it doesn't fill out my resume or anything...well, until they need you to prune, that is! I'm good with the hedges & the clippers. I was gardening this past weekend, just piddling around 'coz I have to piddle & so I was piddling in the garden, & I'm trimming 'coz I love to prune..& I didn't even think I was gonna prune that much, I just went out 'coz I enjoy it & before long, I had a mount of, like, just branches, huge..! I had no idea I'd been out there for hours & I didn't know I had that much to trim until I realized that I was in my neighbor's yard!! I had gone across the property line, & I'd gone from gardening to trespassing all of a sudden! But I loved it so much I got carried away & it was kinda dark 'coz it was nighttime. So I'm sure I scared my neighbor 'coz I had clippers in my hand & I had night vision goggles on!! But I really, I love doing that..it's so good to work with your hands!"
• Ellen gave an NBC tour to some surprised visitors when she greeted them all dressed in the page's (tour guide) uniform!! It was a hilarious stunt she pulled! Firstly Ellen screwed up the Visitor's Passes!! They were all entangled and she couldn't fix them! And then she explained to the group that "NBC" actually stood for "National Biscuit Company!" Then as she led the group through the studio, she pointed at the blinking red light & started to explain what it meant.."This means they're shooting, they're actually filming, there's film in the camera & they're rolling.. shooting, filming, rolling..these are some of the terms they use...Action! Again, if you're driving, something different!" Then they came to the "Artists' Entrance" and Ellen couldn't help but said this.."This is the Artists' Entrance....Van Gogh, Picasso, Renoir,...Minestrone..!" And when they were in the rehearsal hall, Ellen started dancing to the song of "Flashdance"'s "What A Feeling," imitating Jennifer Beals' dance moves in the movie! It was simply outrageously funny! She even pulled the entire group of bemused visitors along to dance with her!! Absolutely HILARIOUS!!!

Before Jane Kacszmareck came on, Ellen mentioned about Jane's last visit where she took out the "chicken cutlets" from her bra & gave one to Ellen! Jane then came on and they both chatted Valentine's Day and Ellen asked what she & her hubby, Bradley Whitford, did. I thought I'd mention that Ellen screwed up Brad's name when she called him "Bradford" instead of "Bradley!!" Jane didn't seem to mind 'coz she admitted that Brad's full name is interchangeable - he could be Bradford Whitley or Bradley Whitford in a jiff! Anyway, Jane revealed that she & Brad spent Valentine's Day at home, basically just staying home and went to bed early! No, no hanky-panky there, insisted Jane. They just slept after drinking champagne and reading magazines in bed! Their children were taken care of by their nanny so they could have the whole day to themselves! How adorable and lovely!

Ellen then asked Jane if she thought her TV family in "Malcolm in the Middle," was dysfunctional and what she thought of it. Jane replied that she didn't think her TV family was that odd 'coz she grew up with a very "resourceful" (or frankly, thrifty!) dad in her family with 4 kids in the house that only had 1 bathroom! They also talked about their favorite TV shows. Jane's favorites are "Arrested Development" & "The Apprentice." The 100th episode of "Malcolm in the Middle" airs this Sunday at 9p on FOX.

Jeff Probst made his 2nd visit to the show. He & Ellen talked about "Survivor: All-Star" and how psychological the show is, with the things and environment the contestants are being thrown into. Jeff also talked about how he nearly died while diving. Apparently, he dove much too quickly so he got high while underwater. Had his friend, who was with him at the time, not pull him away from the sharks which were surrounding them after they drifted from where they dove, he would have died without knowing it 'coz he was too high to notice anything dangerous! Wow, what an experience indeed!! A word of caution: Never dive too quickly underwater or you'll get high & won't know what you're doing anymore, and never ascend to the surface of the water too quickly or you'll explode due to the pressure!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen talked about the upcoming Oscars & mentioned that she still hasn't finished watching all the nominated movies. But she doesn't like to hear about it from her friends who've watched them nor the movie critics in the papers/magazines 'coz she doesn't want to have any kind of expectations that are influenced by everyone else but her. She likes to enjoy and experience the movie herself 'coz other people's opinions may not be the same as hers. "I don't care if the movie is good or bad, as long as it has a good soundtrack! Sometimes I go to see a movie just because of its soundtrack 'coz you know why, 'coz I like to dance!"
• About Lauren Graham's 2nd visit to the show, Ellen told everyone, "Hey, on the show today, & this is a good one..we like her so much, we had her back. She makes me laugh very hard...Lauren Graham from "Gilmore Girls," is here today!" Ellen also invited the "American Idol" contestant who got kicked out during the audition, William Hung, to the show! "He made me think of him so much after I watching him on "American Idol." I'm not the only one. He has a cult following..websites, etc..The reason we have him on is we're celebrating his attitude because this guy, what he said to Simon (Cowell) was he did his best and he has no regrets. And I celebrate that attitude. " So William got to sing 4 songs throughout the show!

Lauren Graham came on and chatted with Ellen. She began telling Ellen about how she and her friends decided to get Ellen some birthday gifts while she was filming on location. It was more like a fun thing to do instead of having a lunch break, so they had a competition on who could get Ellen the best gift for $10, which was supposedly their lunch money! Ellen showed everyone the little gifts that she received from Lauren & her friends but admitted that she didn't open them 'coz she didn't know what they were! Lauren had to explain the hotdog & bun warmer, the yellow illuminating plastic case with a happy face, and the malfunctioned voice-activated bird's nest with chirping birds! All joking aside, Lauren apologized for not getting Ellen a proper birthday gift but she did give Ellen a lovely birthday greeting so Ellen was very appreciative of it. Ellen then asked about Lauren's upcoming birthday which falls on the day after St. Patrick's Day. Ellen found out that Lauren loves to ride horses but due to her busy work schedule, she hasn't had the time to do that. So, as a birthday gift to Lauren, Ellen had 2 horses waiting for them behind the studio so she and Lauren could have a ride! Lauren couldn't believe her ears when she heard that! Both of them rode the horses (the horse which Ellen was riding was actually Tom Cruise's horse in ">The Last Samurai" whereas Laruen's was ridden by Jane Seymour in "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"!) in the backyard of the studio. Apparently, Ellen had been thrown off a horse before so she was very careful about her ride and didn't want the horse to gallop! So the interview was done while they were both riding the horses! Lauren revealed that when she was a kid, her imaginery friend was a horse! At the end of the ride, Ellen presented Lauren with a beautiful English saddle for her birthday! Awesome!

Melissa Etheridge performed "Breathe" from her latest CD, "Lucky," which has been hailed as her best in her career! It's also Ellen's best Melissa Etheridge CD yet! Melissa then sat next to Ellen to chat a little. Melissa admitted that she felt a little strange sitting next to Ellen doing a talk show 'coz she's known Ellen for "...like a hundred years!" as Melissa put it and they're buddies. Ellen then talked about how she was Melissa's fan before they were friends. She remembered waiting outside of a store on Melrose Ave. for Melissa so she could tell her in person how much Ellen liked her songs! Ellen also remembered the first song she heard by Melissa was "Bring Me Some Water" on the radio but she didn't know who sang it, and actually thought it was Tina Turner! She finally found out Melissa's name so she could go and get her CD! Then they talked about Melissa's 5-year-old kid who's growing up fast.

The show ended with William Hung singing John Lennon's "Rocket Man" and Ellen joined him!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen talked about the many kinds of fears that people have, like public speaking. "I guess that's the number 1 fear..is public speaking, that's what people say, 2nd only to fear of frogs. A lot of people have a fear of frogs!"
• "People are scared of balloons. That's ridiculous! But I think there are a lot of fears that just make sense. For instance, people are afraid of sharks. That makes sense to me. If you're not afraid of sharks, then something's wrong with you 'coz that's the thing to be scared of! Some people are afraid to be tickled by feathers...! Some people pay to get tickled!! There are people who aren't afraid of anything....I'm afraid of them! You can't not be scared of something. Everybody is scared of something! But the point is, to push through your fear, you know, 'coz they say, courage is not doing something 'coz you're not scared of it, but doing something in spite of the fact that you're scared of it."

The first guest from the latest comedy, "50 First Dates" was Drew Barrymore. Drew came on and immediately told Ellen how happy she was to be on the show 'coz she watches it all the time. Ellen told everyone that Drew recently received a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was very exciting to Drew. Both Drew and Ellen found out they have quite a few things in common. Both Drew & Ellen cry a lot. They cry easily, even about very little things, 'coz both are very emotional. Ellen then showed an old commercial that Drew did when she was only 3! It was a Pilsbury cookie dough commercial. After the clip, both Ellen & Drew were dabbing their eyes with a Kleenex! Drew was telling Ellen how much she was forced to eat the cookies while doing the commercial, so much that by the end of the shoot, she was so sick of cookies & since then, she hasn't been a fan of sweets and cookies! Ellen immediately commented to everyone, " That's a good idea! Maybe you should force feed your kid with lots of cookies when they're young, so they'll get sick of it later! " Ellen doesn't like sweets or cookies either! They both like macaroni & cheese, & pizza, too!

Next, was Adam Sandler. He's such a shy guy and was having quite a hard time trying to explain to everyone what the movie, "50 First Dates," was about! Ellen & Drew had to finally help him out! Then Ellen showed an old clip of Adam when he was on "The Cosby Show" during his early career! He looked so young!

Rob Schneider came on. By this time Drew, Adam & Rob were sitting side by side, talking to Ellen. Rob and Ellen go way back during their stand-up days, along with Adam. Rob remembered doing a gig together with Ellen so they were car-pooling to Santa Cruz! Ellen pretended to remember it, but of 'coz she didn't 'coz she does have a short-term memory! He also revealed that he tried Ellen's comic style of rambling and stuttering but failed miserably! He found out the hard way that only Ellen could pull it off so successfully..case in point, "Finding Nemo!"

At the end of the show, Ellen gave her guests each a brand new surf board which had their names on theirs along with a picture of Ellen at the back of each board!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• KC & The Sunshine Band, the show's band of the day, opened the show with one of the classic hit, "That's The Way I Like It" & Ellen came out dancing with the band!
• Ellen about Greetings:
  "It's important how we greet people. I started thinking about that 'coz first impressions really are everything. You only get one chance to make the first impression, you know, unless...they've short-term memory loss. Then you can do it again!"
• Ellen about Hugs vs. Handshakes vs. Kissing:
  "Some people don't wanna be hugged, & then you don't wanna hug a non-hugger 'coz it's not like a greeting, that's more like an assault! Sometimes you go in for a kiss & they go in for a hug, & you accidentally kiss thei ear! Has that happened to you before? 'Coz it's hard to have a normal conversation after that 'coz, you know, they'll be thinking, she just kissed my ear! And you're thinking, I just kissed their ear! It's weird 'coz it's the Fed-Ex guy & you're thinking to yourself, why? Why did I do it, you know. But I've had so many packages delivered, I thought, we've past the shaking of the hand....!"
• FYI, it's KC & The Sunshine Band's 30th Anniversary!! FYI, they've sold over 100 million CDs!! Today's audience was lucky enough to get some pretty cool & expensive things from Ellen for FREE! As Ellen said, "We're becoming like QVC, only FREE!!" The freebies were Dolce Gabbana's perfume, "Sicily," which Ellen responded (after giving it a sniff), "Hmm..smells like Passion!" Besides the perfume, everyone got the cool Ice Tek watches that if you buy from outside, they range from $425 to a whopping $4,995!!!
• Ellen announced that the "Ellen Shop" is now open on the website! The shop sells the much-awaited, much-requested "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" merchandise, ranging from the Ellen mugs, Ellen T-shirts to the Ellen bucket hat! Wow, it's about time! International shipping is available.

After KC & The Sunshine Band played "Do A Little Dance," Ted Danson & Mary Steenburgen came out together & presented Ellen with a box of heart-shaped chocolates all the way from Martha's Vineyard which were Mary's favorite! She hinted to Ellen to offer her some! FYI, Ted & Mary have been married for 8 years. Ellen wanted to see if the couple were really that loving and close, so she played a game with them - Mary had to answer questions about Ted & vice versa, & Ellen would compare the answers to see if they were correct! They were pretty accurate! Ted & Mary will be starring in a TV-movie on CBS to celebrate Valentine's Weekend.

KC & his band then performed "Shake Your Booty" & "Put On My Boogie Shoes" before Edie Falco came out. Apparently, Edie & Ellen both always get mistaken for each other by practically everyone they meet! The funniest one was when Doris Roberts (from "Everybody Loves Raymond") mistook Ellen for Edie at the Emmys and began talking about how she thought Edie should've won for her great performance in "Sopranos," & of 'coz Ellen didn't know what Doris was talking about. "I didn't want to say anything 'coz I thought, you know, she must have lost it," explained Ellen to Edie about Doris' mistake! FYI, prior to "Sopranos," Edie was a struggling actress. She was a waitress for 15 years & did quite a few odd-jobs here & there. So "Sopranos" was her big break & now she's famous! The new season of "Sopranos" will premiere on HBO on March 7th.

Due to time constraints, Ellen had to cancel poor Hazel Smith (country cook), who's been invited back to the show for the 3rd time already! Ellen apologized deeply & promised to bring Hazel back very soon.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen was rambling about how she was planning to have a good night's sleep, getting all excited about it, sharing it with, who else, but her own inner child...only to find out, as she was all tugged in bed ready to sleep, there was a spider on her bedroom ceiling! After all the analyses about why the spider was there, the distance it was from her, how she'd go about getting rid of it....In the end, she ended up checking into a hotel!

Today's big guest was Britney Spears! She performed one of her songs in her new CD, "In The Zone." Britney then sat with Ellen to have a little chat. Britney's not very talkative on TV so Ellen was basically just hit her with a lot of questions 'coz Britney only gave very short answers. But the 22-year-old superstar was having a lot of fun with Ellen especially when Ellen asked her to show her some sit-up tips which she did! So the interview continued to the floor when both Ellen & Britney were lying on the floor doing different sit-ups! Britney also expressed her gratitude about Ellen's show 'coz it gives her a reason to watch such a great show every morning! COOL!

Britney will be touring North America for about 9 months, starting from San Diego. So since she won't have time to have fun due to her hectic schedule, Ellen presented Britney with a BIG gift - a normal-sized basketball hoop and balls! Apparently Britney loves to play basketball and is pretty good at it. So when she saw it, she was very excited and both of them started shooting some hoops. Ellen didn't do too badly although she kept on saying how bad she was in basketball!!

Tom Cavanaugh, star of "Ed" airing on Wednesdays at 8p on NBC, came on. Ellen really likes him a lot and thinks he's adorable! Tom's Canadian but grew up in Ghana when his parents moved there to teach. He didn't return to Canada until he was in his high-school age. So he had to adapt to the culture & lifestyle of his own homeland when they moved to Southern Quebec. Because they didn't have TV in Ghana, Tom missed out on a lot of the TV shows, the pop culture,...he didn't even know how to swear! Tom's still learning the pop culture even on his show. He then did a sweet thing to Ellen - he played a song for Ellen with the guitar! When Ellen asked what song he'd play for her, he said in dedication to Britney's upcoming tour visit to Canada, he'd sing one of her songs...in French!! So he did - it was the French version of Britney's "Hit Me, Baby, One More Time!" He was great! Finally, both he & Ellen shot some hoops before the show ended! Tom's a very good shooter!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen on Energy & Fun:
  "I'm still recovering from last weekend. I was out ALL weekend long, partying like a...I took a walk on the wild side! Normally, I'm in bed at, like, 10 o'clock at night; I go home & just kinda crash. But this weekend there were the Grammys parties...ohh..I had fun! I had..F-U-N & then beyond fun!! I went to a point of OD-ing on fun..which you wouldn't know you could do it. But they say, too much of a good thing.. you've heard that expression..& then they say, you can't have too much fun. So I don't know what they're trying to say but I think I did have too much fun this weekend. I come here every day, & this is a perfect amount of fun! If you're looking for the perfect amount of fun, it's this show right here!"
  
  "Everyone is looking for the source of energy. Exercise does give you energy, but when you're too tired, you can't exercise! Everybody's looking for the fountain of youth. But let's find that source of energy first 'coz we're too tired to look for the fountain of youth! When you're young, you can bounce back from that too-much-fun weekend. You rebound a lot quicker when you're young. When you're older..ohhhh.. everything changes! Everything changes direction, your body too, I tell ya..gravity is the silent killer!! They say you gotta keep moving, you gotta keep your body young. They say move it or lose it! That's what I'm gonna do 'coz I don't wanna lose it, I'm gonna move it, so, Tony make me move it!!"
• When Tony played Beyonce's "Crazy In Love," Ellen went down on all fours and started crawling to the beat of the song, then slowly strutted toward the audience & danced with the excited crowd before finally returning to her couch!! "That was my first time venturing into the crowd! It was dangerous but..fun!" she said with a twinkle in her eyes! Ellen talked briefly about the Grammys and asked Tony what he thought of Beyonce's performance. Tony was thrilled about it until the dove flew and landed on Beyonce's hand, & he practically left his seat in horror! Apparently, Tony has a "thing" about feathered animals, much to Ellen's shock!
• Then Ellen told everyone about his adorable guest, Bobb'e Johnson, the 7-year-old boy who was on the show the other day, who did the red carpet interviews at the Grammys for Ellen! The very talented kid was so adorable and was extremely comfortable with the mic! He managed to stop quite a few celebrities on the red carpet to talk including Samuel L. Jackson (apparently he watches Ellen all the time & asked when Ellen's gonna call him! Ahh..perhaps we'll see Mr. Jackson on the show very soon!), Kelly Clarkson, Melissa Rivers, Matthew Perry, Jason Alexander, Kimberly Williams, Hugh Hefner (yes, the Playboy boss!), Tony (of 'coz!), Brian McKnight, Sean Paul, Black Eye Peas.. The only celeb who didn't stop to talk was 50 Cent! Poor Bobb'e was screaming for 50 Cent but he just walked by ignoring the poor boy!
• Ellen introduced a new segment called, "Show Us Your Moves" where people send in tapes to show Ellen some new dance moves!

Simon Cowell came on and talked about the new season of "American Idol" which Ellen follows 'coz she especially likes the audition phase. Ellen asked Simon the obvious question about why he's so brutally honest all the time. Simon admitted that he's been like that since he was 3! His first victim was none other than his poor mom when she was wearing a mink fur hat & made a mistake of asking his child if she looked pretty. At 3, Simon replied to his mom, "No, you look like a poodle.." Simon also expressed his deepest regret for letting go one of the contestants who had a great voice but got kicked out simply because Simon didn't like how he answered the panel's question about what to do if he won the $1 million! So, on the show, he publicly apologized to the guy on TV!! Simon has a new book out called, "I Don't Mean To Be Rude, But..."

Keisha Castle-Hughes, the youngest actress to be nominated for an Oscar for "Best Actress" for her stunning performance in "Whale Rider" came on, looking pretty nervous. She was only 13 when she played that role and not only that, she had never had any acting experience before! Keisha's from New Zealand and has a very heavy New Zealander accent which Ellen had trouble understanding for she had to ask Keisha to repeat a few times, sheepishly saying, "Now, all that I heard, but I didn't understand...." It was hilarious!

Annie Lennox sang her nominated song, "Into The West," the love theme from "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King."

The guy who built the incredibly huge domino set on Ellen's 100th show, Robert Specka, was invited back. This time he built "Happy 101st Show, Ellen!" It was absolutely humongous & the domino effect worked perfectly!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• No monologue today 'coz it was the show's 100th episode & Ellen wanted to get on with showing everyone the show's favorite moments from the past 99 shows! The special guest was of 'coz one of Ellen's favorites, STING!! Today's audience was very lucky 'coz in celebration of the 100th show, Ellen gave out fantastic gifts...everyone received a $100 worth of gift certificate from Borders, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan - Celebrating the 40th Anniversary DVD AND...a limited edition of "Ellen 100th Show" T-shirt!!!! Fancy that!! Ellen also told everyone who's been calling in for tickets to hang in there 'coz the Audience Department is working hard to make sure everyone gets a call back! Apparently, there's a LONG waiting list to go see Ellen in action!!
• Ellen did her usual dance routine, this time, to the song of OutKast's "I Like The Way You Move" but had a mishap when she couldn't open the umbrella!!! "I was trying to do the thing they guy from OutKast did with the umbrella, but..usually somebody opens the umbrella for me, so...!" she tried to explain why she couldn't open an umbrella.
• Guess what? Ellen was actually sitting beside Prince at the Grammys this past Sunday! And on Saturday, she went to see Stevie Wonder and was "hanging out" (as Ellen put it!) with Jay-Z & Beyonce!! The 2 of them were asking Ellen what made her start dancing on the show in the beginning but she couldn't remember. So today, she had the looky-loo show the very 1st episode to see why she started dancing, and went on to the 2nd and 3rd show.. apparently she just danced, small moves first, but gradually got bolder in her moves! Well, as Ellen said, "Who wouldn't dance to music?! I love music!"
• In celebration of the 100th episode, Ellen show everyone the favorite moments.. - Justin Timberlake
  - Jennifer Anniston
  - Kim Cattrall (giving Ellen a ""hoe" on her birthday!)
  - Tom Cruise
  - Elton John (Elton kissing Elleen who was lying on the grand piano!)
  - Ben Stiller (who was asking Elllen about the "kiss", then both of them started kissing on the show!)
  - Gloria Estefan
  - The Elephant
  - Gwynneth Paltrow (when Ellen ssnuck in "Coldplay" while talking about Gwynneth's pregnancy! )
  - The chimp (when Ellen started imitatiing the chimp and bounced on the sofa!)
  - Katie Couric & Al Roker (wisheed Ellen Happy Birthday on the Today Show & gave her a "special" gift - both started dancing to the song of 50 Cent..but not before having a sip of champagne first!)
  - Ellen's Halloween outfit "Dr. Phil"
  > - Steve Martin (when Steve droppped a card, he & Ellen started "wrestling" to pick up the card, with Steve ending up on top of Ellen!)
  - Ashton Kutcher (when he wore tthe "Von DeGeneres" cap!)
  - Pat Benatar (performing the cllassic, "Heartbreaker")
  - Jane Kaczmareck (when she tookk out her "chicken cutlets" from underneath her sweater!)
  - Ellen's "Back-packing through Burbbank" video where she supposedly visited Germany (turned out to be the Wienerschnitzel Restaurant!), India (actually an Indian restaurant), and Mexico (of 'coz, it was Acapulco Restaurant!)
  

Sting, the 16th-time Grammy Award winner, performed his first song - the classic "Walking on the Moon." Before Sting came to sit beside Ellen, she was telling everyone how she absolutely loved Sting's new CD, "Sacred Love," even proclaimed it to be Sting's best CD yet! And she made a public plea to the record company to release her favorite song on the CD, "Inside," as the next single!

Sting sat down with Ellen when she congratulated him for his Grammy win on Sunday for the song, "Whenever I Say Your Name," a collaboration with Mary J. Blige. Ellen commented that Sting was wearing a "dress" which Sting corrected her instantly 'coz it was actually a "kilt." And before Ellen could say anything more about the "kilt," Sting looked at Ellen as if he knew what she was going to ask him, & said, "The answer to your obvious question is NO!" That brought the house down! When the laughter subsided, Ellen couldn't help herself & responded, "My question to the answer was, 'Should I wear one?'..I guess I won't wear one, then!" Sting is also nominated for an Oscar for the love theme in the nominated movie, "Cold Mountain," entitled, "You'll Be My Ain True Love." He played a little of that to Ellen with his guitar which Ellen said thereafter, "We all have good moments. That was a really good moment for me." Sting then performed another song, "Prisoner of Love," from his new CD.

To mark the special 100th show, Ellen invited a guy who's the record holder for building the longest domino set - Robert Specka. He actually build a huge domino set that spelled, "Happy 100th Show, Ellen" along with a big U.S. flag at the bottom!! Ellen did the honors and started the "domino effect." The whole domino effect took a good while to finish through and at the end of it, Ellen just lied down beside the fallen dominoes! AMAZING!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen was carried out on a Egyptian-style "mobile bed" by 4 big guys, all cladded in Egyptian clothes! Yes, while she was being carried out, she was just lying on the "bed" eating grapes!!
• "It was a beautiful Sunday! It's amazing but I'm refreshed! (FYI, Ellen was one of the co-hosts at the Grammys on Sunday but because the talk show is taped a day earlier, she had to "fake" it - pretending that she actually went through the Grammys already when in truth, it was only Friday when they taped today's (Monday, 2/9) show!) I should be a mess, I should be exhausted after the weekend I'd had! I'm happy!"
• Ellen about Bad Hair Days:
  "I'm happy with my hair. It turned out well...sometimes it doesn't. But I'm happy that my hair turned out well today! I've had bad hair days, I know...you don't have to write..I know. But today, I'm happy with my hair. But as happy as I am with my hair, I'm not gonna do this.. ( started flicking her hair left & right like those women in the hair commercials you see on TV!) It's such a stressful thing. I understand why people shave their heads..because it's too stressful to worry about hair every single day. And now that I do this (referring to her talk show), I can't just wear a hat if I have a bad hair day. I can't just throw on a hat like a rock star or an actor, & have some trucker hat on me..I'd look like a trucker & that's not what I'm supposed to look like! Plus, I have a tiny head..like the size of an infant...well, not like an infant! That'd be a large head...actually, an infant's head..a small, tiny, ..actually, more of a toddler's head..!"
  
  "It's amazing, you don't know what's gonna ruin your hair. There are so many different circumstances. For instance, wind. You see models posing in front of the wind machines & it's always luxurious, voluptuous, full-of-body hair...Real wind just makes you look like you just crawled out of a ditch!! And then they say clean hair is not...you're not supposed to wash your hair every day. You're supposed to wash your hair every few days...that's how you have the best hair. I just can't do that..that's just not...I've tried it but...I like clean-smelling hair...& my hair is very fine so if I don't wash my hair every single day, I'd look like I've just rolled around in bacon fat! It's not pretty!!"
  
  "And I realize that..we care so much about our hair..one bad hair day can just ruin your day! And then, you hear about some person who's had some horrible tragedy in their life. Then suddenly, you realize your dabbed, lifeless hair doesn't matter anymore as long as you have your health. That's the most important thing. But...if you have your health AND your hair is shiny & your roots aren't showing, then, it's a win-win thing!!"

Naomi Watts came out & pretended to wipe off Ellen's invisible footprints from the guest couch! (well, earlier, when Ellen did her routine dance, she was standing on both her own couch & the guest couch!! Yup, she just loves hip-hop music!) FYI, Naomi is actually English. She was born & raised in England but she & her family moved to Australia when she was 14, thus her Aussie accent. Naomi was also wearing tennis shoes (like those of Ellen's!) much to Ellen's pleasant surprise! Ellen then congratulated Naomi for her Oscar nomination ("21 Grams") and began telling her this, "I have to say, I'm very honest & I'll always be honest....the other day, Charlize Theron was on the show & she's been nominated for "Monster" & I told her on the show, I said, "I believe you will win.", & I'm just telling you right now...she doesn't have a shot in hell!!" That impromptu comment caught Naomi off-guard as she was actually listening to Ellen quite intently so she wasn't expecting it & then that remark which brought huge laughs from the shy, very talented actress! Ellen, having fun w/ it, continued on looking at Naomi teasingly & said, "It's A-L-L you. What can I say, she (referring to Charlize) was next to me, I had to say it! "

After the laughter subsided, Ellen asked Naomi the obvious question - "So who will you take to the Oscars?" And before Naomi could answer, Ellen took out a 'Heath' chocolate bar & said, "Excuse me, I'm hungry, I'm just gonna have a 'Heath' bar..would you like one? I just like the name 'Heath'." Naomi just didn't know what to say..she was a little embarrassed..like she knew what Ellen was getting at..! Then Ellen just looked at her 'Heath' bar & then at Naomi and said, "Hey, aren't you dating Heath Ledger?" Very, very cheekily sly of Ellen to put Naomi on the spot about her relationship with Heath!! But she succeeded in bringing out the answer from the shy Naomi. She's bringing her mom & yes, of 'coz her beau, Heath Ledger!! Well done, Ellen!

Five For Fighting performed "100 Years" from their new CD, "The Battle For Everything."

Tomorrow (Tuesday, 2/10) will mark the 100th episode of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"!!! Sting is the special guest!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared walking to a refrigerator and grabbing a carton of orange juice. A camera from inside the fridge let us see that Ellen was going to drink staight from the carton, but stopped and went over to the anxious audience!
• "People ask me what do I do if I come out here and I'm in a bad mood and don't have anything new to say...I just come out here and talk about what's going on with my life... Some people have jobs where they have to say the same thing everyday. Like a shoe salesman. I don't know how many times you have to say "Where's your toe?" I'm lucky I don't have to say that everyday!
• I've said it before, I think it should be mandatory that once you're out of school everyone should do some sort of waitoring job... My favorite waitors are the ones that love to describe the meal.. "Tonight we have a beet salad that's NESTLED in a bed of mixed baby greens." It's always nestled, like it's more appealing if it's nestled. Then they describe how the food is positioned on the plate.. "Also, I have a portobello mushroom situated kaddy corner to a goat chees brechetta thats whispering gently into the ear of lamb loin.""
• Tony has given his tip jar to Save the Music. There's no more tip jar on Tony's DJ booth.
• Monday's Segment- "What are you doing while your watching?". Now that Ellen has the looky-loo, people are afraid that Ellen will be picking their photographs they send in. And they're right, but Ellen does it in her special way!

Ellen's first guest, Amy Brenneman, star of the CBS drama, "Judging Amy." Amy looked to be very cold. She wasn't aware how cold it'd get in those studios and she wore her "Fabulous" dress, as Ellen commented, so Ellen got her a nice red throw blanket. Ellen showed off a picture of Amy's daughter, Charlotte, which Ellen described as one of those photos you buy with the frame and you want to leave it that way because it's so cute. Amy then told a horror story that made her daughter sound not so cute!!

The idea for Amy's hit show, "Judging Amy," came from her mother, actually. She told us that she wanted the title to be "Chasing Grey" but the people on the show thought it was dull. So they paid GOOD money to a company that came up with titles for all sorts of shows. So the company came up with titles like, "My Mother's A Judge" and "Order, Order"!!! They both agreed that it's hard to have your name in your hit show's title, because you'll always have to be the main character. Ellen also told Amy that "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" wasn't the first title for her talk show. Ellen thought of other ones like, "Give Me Another Chance"! That's hilarious!!

Ellen's next guest, Kathy Najimy, better known in her hilarious role in "Sister Act" is also currently the voice of "Peggy" on Fox's cartoon series, "King of the Hill". Kathy came out wearing the same blanket Amy had, as a shawl. She and Ellen talked about Kathy's daughter, who is indeed Ellen's god-daughter. I thought I'd put this all in Kathy's words for all...
"She (Ellen) was hilarious at the birth of my child. I was on a hospital table with needles being stuck, and people pushing and pulling, and my only memories are of you (Ellen) on a tricycle, (that was Ellen's gift for the baby, she later told us that it was actually a bike with training wheels that Kathy's daughter just started to learn how to ride) riding around the room. Then, you with the camera like, making an independent documentary. My organs, my guts are on the table next to me and you're filming that, I'm like 'HI!!' Then you were so cute, you were so excited when they said it was time to cut the cord, she put the camera down and reached for the scissors!! My husband, who adores you, said, 'Uh, Ellen, I think that's me!'."
Ellen responded.. "Well, I don't know the timing on that. I didn't know how urgent it was, and they said it had to be cut and I picked up the scissors." Kathy once starred in a 2-woman feminist show called "The Kathy and Mo Show" like 10 years ago and she's working on a new one and it will soon be coming to Broadway.

Ellen and Kathy then went on to play their favorite game, "Celebrity" with 2 audience members. Ellen and her guest won...Not! Previously Ellen was saying how important it was for her to win because Kathy is competitive!

LeAnne Rimes performed a song from her greatest hits CD.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared jumping through a paper hoop with 2 football players holding it, dressed in a jersey that was half Patriots and half Panthers. "Everybody got Super Bowl fever?? I've got it bad... WOOOO...FOOTBALL!!" Ellen talked about the things you buy for Super Bowl parties, the over-sized bag of chips, and of course, beer. Also, how complicated it is to keep up with the # of football players there are on each team, which is 11 and she doesn't like that because it's an odd #. But it's hard to follow with so many different players, one's on offense, one's on defense, and the kicker. Some of them are really good dancers, Ellen noticed, so she's going to watch for the best dancer in the game and have him on the show next time!
• Tony's tips have reached $700 and he's decided to give the tip money to VH1's "Save the Music Foundation." Ellen said $700 is a weird odd number so she'll turn it into $1,000. "Ya know I'm always willing to point out my flaws, almost joyed." She showed us how she called the kind of "trucker" hats that Ashton made popular called, the "Van Deutsch" and it's pronounced as "Von Dutch." It was cute because on yesterday's show, she made Ashton a hat that said "Von DeGeneres," and wanted him to wear it to make it popular!
• Houston ended up arriving in Dallas because he couldn't get a ticket for Houston, so he's driving 4 hours to get to the Super Bowl!

Julie Bowen from the TV Series, "ED," was nervous about being on the show because she realized that a lot of people watch it including a lot of other celebrities. They talked about being clueless about football, and Julie being a cross-country track star in high-school. She said that was the sport she liked because it didn't involve balls and a lot of coordination. She also enjoys sky-diving but has sketchy details about her experience so Ellen joked and accused her of lying about really going sky-diving!

18 year old Fefe made her daytime debut and performed her hit song.

George Eads from the TV hit show, "CSI" chatted with Ellen about her liking his Rolling Stones T-shirt. They also talked about the Golden Globes and seeing each other there. He used to sell copiers door-to-door when he lived in Texas, and Ellen coincided with her own story of when she sold vaccum cleaners in a mall in Texas. She had a customer ask her once why they needed a light on the front of the vaccum Ellen was selling. She told the customer that was so they could vaccum at night and not wake anyone up by turning on the lights!! And guess what, her rationale apparently worked 'coz the customer bought it!

George then showed Ellen how to make a great Super Bowl dip by using a block of Velvetta cheese, stewed tomatoes, and ground beef - melt the cheese and tomatoes together, and then cooked ground beef and VOILA!! Ellen commented when she took it out of the microwave "WOW!! That looks... Disgusting!" She still tried it and did like it even though she thought it was a little spicy.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared playing "duck-duck-goose" with her staff. "I can't say it enough, we're (the show) doing very well, and it's because of all of you." Then Ellen talked about not understanding how the rating system works for TV.
• Ellen Looky-looed Nick Cannon's performance from the previous day and pointed out 2 men in the audience who wouldn't "wave their hands" when Nick went out into the audience.
• It was time for the segment, "Have Houston Do It For You." Ellen made this one a "Have Ellen Do It For Houston." She's sending Houston to Houston, Texas, for the Super Bowl!! Houston was super excited about it and kept asking Ellen if she was punking him. They couldn't get him tickets to the game but they got him tickets to the pre-show performance,and the half-time performance. He'll be on the field.

Ashton Kutcher came on and Ellen commented on how well he was dressed. They talked about being at the Golden Globes. Ashton was actually feeling under the weather so he didn't go to any after-parties. Ellen asked about Demi, and said she was allowed to because she knows her and commented "She's an amazing person, so if you're with her, you must be an amazing person." Ellen admitted she was a little mad at Ashton for being mean to Justin Timberlake on his hit show, "Punk'd." Ellen remarked, "He didn't even get mad, he's so sweet." She showed the clip of the show where Justin's house and belongings were being taken because of "back taxes". Justin called his mother and was almost crying! That was indeed one of the great "Punk'd" episodes!

The band Travis from Scotland performed from their CD, "12 Memories."

Deidre Hall talked about her role on "Days of our Lives" in which she plays Marlana, and IS THE SALEM SERIAL KILLER!! Deidre didn't even know until recently that her character was the serial killer and she's been shooting episodes for months! She and Ellen happened to be wearing the same type of Converse tennis shoes. Deidre then told everyone that more characters will be dying on the show. FYI, Deidre knits in her spare time now and actually made Ellen an extra long scarf!!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen discussed oral hygiene. "I used to do it wrong, I was scrubbing like crazy, the old-fashioned way, with a stick and some leaves...I really can't believe that now I see the right way to brush, that I have any gums or teeth left at all! I used to brush them back and forth, like up and down, ya know? Which is wrong, your brushing your gums away, pretty soon they'd be completely gone...Everybody has a different amount of tooth paste they enjoy. Some like a tiny dab, I like it from bristle to bristle...and a swoop at the end like on the commercial, sometimes it will take me 3 or 4 tries, I'll dump it off, until I get the right amount, with the swoop!"
• She also noticed how people tie their shoes - the extreme complicated way, and "Queer Eye" taught us that we're all shaving wrong. Ellen said, "Train the brain to go with the grain." Do we know the correct way to use perfume?? Well, according to Ellen, "Too much perfume will make you leave the room.. or.. Only a wench is drenched in stench."
• Ellen acknowledged the passing of Jack Parr and showed early clips of his show. She told us about the time when she was first appearing on the "The Tonight Show with Jonny Carson" where Mr. Parr was also on that day, and Ellen ended up getting bumped because he talked to long!!

Ellen called the Meredith the Bachelorette about a bachelor on her show who called himself "Metrosexual" and Ellen and Meredith both agreed they didn't understand what exactly it meant! Ellen heard that it's straight men that have impeccable personal hygiene, and like pedicures and manicures. "It should be called "Pedisexual" or "Manisexual," where does the "Metro" come in??" But Meredith said she's in love so we'll just have to watch and see if she picks the Metrosexual!

Burt Reynolds came out and talked about his layout/centerfold in a 1972 issue of "Cosmopolitan." He was the first man centerfold in the magazine. They looky-looed the picture and scribbled over the parts that may offend. He wasn't wearing anything but a bear-skin rug in the picture in which Ellen commented that she hoped the bear was just tired in the picture and Burt said the bear was exhausted. He had hosted the "The Tonight Show" 100 times over the years. The first time he was on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" as a guest he was told about the rules like, don't touch him, the pencil, his coffee cup, or his hair. So since Burt was such a bad-ass in the 70's he went out and immediately broke the pencil, poured the coffee cup over his head, and sprayed whipped cream on his head that he got from a prop guy! He figured Johnny was ready for it as a change from everything proper. Burt has just finished a movie in New Zealand called "Without a Paddle." We'll watch for it.

Nick Cannon trotted out showing off his Ellen Boxers and Ellen noticed his HUGE diamond encrusted watch, made by Jacob the Jeweler. Ellen yelled out that she wanted some jewels from Jacob! Nick just got done working with J-Lo in a movie. He took the show out performing his hit single, "Gigolo".

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared driving a pink mopad and drove it all over the stage area. "That was my HOG," she said. She was commenting that the Golden Globes were great because it occurred on the day before her birthday so she just used all the after-parties as her birthday parties! "It was great because everyone was there, I didn't have to worry about no one showing up." She talked about getting ready for the award show , getting dolled up and getting through security. Being photographed or actually not because of the more "famous" people arriving when she did, like the girls from "Sex in the City". She also met Hugh Hefner "It was him, and... I believe 7 manuquinns." at an after-party. As she was leaving, all the paparazzi were trying to get a drunk picture of all the stars. They always get the worst picture of a celebrity and sell it to be printed.
• "Everyone at the Golden Globes were like 'We love the dancing!!' so now I've got myself into a mess." Ellen, through her Looky-loo, checked out the red carpet and showed that in an interview with Tom Cruise she came up behind him and "gently cupped his buttock" (This was on Live TV at the arrival ceremony!) Tom turned and saw that was Ellen and started laughing and hanged onto her for a while. Fantasic move Ms. DeGeneres!!

Betty White came on and talked about her guest appearance coming up on "The Practice" where she plays a blackmailer. They showed a clip of her along side James Spader. Betty and Ellen discussed their love for animals. Betty has been the LA Zoo commissioner for 33 years!! Ellen asked, "Do you carry a badge or gun or anything??" Betty told us in detail about the 4 times that Gracie the Chimp got out of the LA Zoo, one of them being recently. None of the other chimps try to do it. And Gracie never trys to get away, she just goes to the Zoo gate and they let her back in. Ellen and Betty then played "Password" with 2 audience members. Ellen and her partner won!

Amy Smart from the new movie, "The Butterfly Effect" came on. The movie, also starring Ashton Kucher, is also the #1 movie in the country! Amy's only 27 but started doing commercials when she was 14. She talked about when the movie premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, all of the free stuff they gave celebrities, like a toaster, etc. She also talked about still being star-struck and when she first met Brad Pitt she sat with him and was doubling her Cosmopolitans and ended up getting drunk! Then he introduced her to his friend... Tom Cruise!!. Brad asked her to a charity benefit later but she was working on "Varsity Blues" and turned him down!!

Gavin DeGraw performed "I Don't Wanna Be" from his CD "Chariot".

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• IT'S ELLEN'S BIRTHDAY!!!! The show started with a 'Happy Birthday' greeting from "Crush," sea turtle from "Finding Nemo" She appeared on top of a huge fake cake, eating a huge piece of cake. She discussed how awkward it is when someone sings the 'Happy Birthday' song to you. Or if you're in a restaurant and someone near you is having a birthday and you're kind of obligated to sing along. "So youth-oriented our country is, people trying to hide their age... It's another year, you gain wisdom every year, I don't want to go back... You watch MTV and BET to keep up with the kids 'Right Thurr Right Thurr, HALLA!'"
• Tony's tip jar was up to $500 and he decided to give the money to charity regardless of what writer/viewer Brenda said about Tony needing it for his records. Ellen was giving gifts for her birthday and everyone in the audience got an iPod! WHOA!
• James Spader sent Ellen a pillow-case with both their faces on it for her birthday!
• BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUTS FOR ELLEN TODAY INCLUDE:
  -Oprah
  -Al Roker and Katie Couric ffrom the set of TODAY.
  -Justin Timberlake from touring
  > -Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymoree from their new movie
  -Dr. Phil from his show
  -Allison Janney challenging Ellen tto a 2004 rematch of ping pong!
  -Gloria Estefan
  -Pink "Godd made a beautiful person on this day 46 years ago"
  -Elijah Wood and gang from the ">Lord of the Rings"
  -Debra Messing
  -Richard Simmons
  -Steve Martin
  

Ellen's first guest, Kim Cattrall, came bearing gifts, a hoe, for Ellen's garden, silly!! Ellen asked Kim about the crowd she hangs out with now, regarding a picture of her with Beyonce and Jay-Z. Kim talked about her dating scene, she's still single, she can't decide if she wants a young guy because they're cuter and easier to manipulate! Or an older guy because they're smarter and have more wisdom in a relationship. Ellen said she cried when she saw the "Sex in the City" episode where Kim's character, Samantha, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Right now, not even Kim knows how the show ends and what happens to all of the characters. People are now approaching Kim on the street saying that their friends are now getting mammograms after seeing the show. Inspiring. "Sex and the City" airs on Sundays @ 9p on HBO.

Bobb'e J. Thompson came out and got lost in Lil' Bow-Wow's song for quite a while, dancing, showing off for Ellen. He won a rapping competition a little while ago. He talked about when he auditioned for the Tracy Morgan Show, how much Tracy adored him as well as everyone else. He's just 7 years old and Ellen was noticing his choice of "bling-bling". He rapped a birthday rap for Ellen an presented her with a birthday gift, a little "bling-bling" of her own ~ A necklace with a diamond E!

Ellen addressed all of us with this.. "First of all, I don't think we should just celebrate birthdays, we should celebrate life, because every single day is worth celebrating." She thanked her parents for "birthing her"... "My life is REALLY good right now, I feel really happy and I appreciate because I feel a lot of love and support and I thank you all for making me feel good on this day. "

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared playing flag football with her crew. After calling out several numbers like 13 and 193 as the quarterback, she yelled "Hut" and passed the ball. " That's a good fun sport, I'll tell ya! What's it called? TAG football, no? Oh, FLAAG football! "
• She discussed the numorous channels available to us on cable and how thankful she was that of all those channels we watch, there's bound to be a channel that her show is on. "There's 31 sports channels, and 1 animal channel, is that fair?...The skunks are back, and keep coming back!" She's going to hire a park ranger, she'll want him to follow her around like a body guard. She also talked about not really having anything to talk about for her monologue today, so she asked her co-workers for some funny ideas. An intern named Debbie came up to her and said, "Well, what about having tongues on your shoes? " Ellen said "Yea, well, what do I say about that?" And Debbie replied, "Well, you're the comedienne!"
• Tony's tip jar was up to $300 now. Ellen read an e-mail to make an apology to Brenda who wrote about how she thought that the tip jar was supposed to be for Tony getting all of his stolen records back and Ellen offered to give it to charity!! So the money will be going for what ever Tony wants to use it for!
• Lisa Lam had her BABY!! 7lbs 20 inches named Morgan Fay. Ellen showed off all of the amazing things she could do with the "looky-loo." She spent about 10 minutes of her show just drawing over pictures and stills. She was really enjoying it! She also promised that once they figured out what more it could do she'd show us.

Ellen talked to Aisha Tyler about playing "Ross"' girlfriend on "Friends." Aisha also does some stand-up, and speaking of standing up, Aisha is 6 foot tall! She came on with a sprained elbow. Acually it was broken but they put an ace bandage on it. "Ahh, I was in a bar fight, stabbed a couple of people! Naa, I did it snowboarding!" So Ellens' gift to her was a sling that had 'Ellen' printed on it, & Aisha wore it proudly!

Mike O'Malley and Ellen talked about how they both enjoy football, even though Ellen didn't know the names of the teams that are playing in this year's superbowl! Mike informed her that it's the Patriots, and the Panthers, and that he's a Patriots fan. Ellen somehow knew this and had a Patriots jersey made for him that had 'O'MALLEY' printed on the back with a HUGE picture of Ellen's face! I love how she makes people sport her face. It sells!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared at a fruit-stand full of oranges. She went to pick out a couple and the entire stand of oranges tumbled to the floor and several rolled out across the stage!
• "Today is the Chinese New Year and Happy Chinese New Year to you! It's the Year of the Monkey... at my house it's the year of the skunk. Every single night for the past week the stench of skunk is permeating everything, just marinating my entire existence! " She's trying to get rid of them, she's tried the humane traps and put peanut butter in them, but only caught a kindergartener! She let him go and he trotted off to school. She's cut down the shrubs where she thought the den was, but they returned.
• Tony's tip jar was quite full! It even included passes to a strip club and phone numbers on the money for Tony to call. The money will be going to charity.
• Ellen was very excited to be meeting Merv Griffin, the creator of "Jeopardy"! and "Wheel of Fortune". The cigarette-dispensing donkey now has a friend, the cigarette- dispensing elephant!! In the news, a 17-year-old chimp escaped from the LA Zoo. It's the 4th time it has happened so Ellen said: "Let her free, she should be free!"
• Ellen likes to share her gift and tell us all what she's received. Two people sent her homemade purses, one that was made out of a girl's dad's ties. Also a wooden box marked "Ellen's Booze " on one side and "Ellen's Alcohol" on the other!

Twenty-three years ago he was the host of "The Merv Griffin Show," and now Merv Griffin loves to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show!" He also loved how Ellen filled his dressing room full of gifts, like his new Ellen Boxers! Ellen helped him put the boxers on OVER his pants to see if they'd fit! He tipped Tony, but not before asking for change. He talked about seeing Ellen at an award show and he didn't know if he should stop her and talk to her because he wasn't sure if she even knew who he was! So as Ellen passed him she said, "I love you" to him! Then just kept on going. The show Merv did a while ago was equivalent to Johnny Carson's. He then told everyone an interesting fact that on October 1st 1962, he and Johnny started their shows on the same day, in the same studio for the same network!! He also commented about the censorship. "One woman came on with a low-cut dress, so right before she came out, a stagehand panicked and shoved a tissue down her "cravass" and she came out like that! I asked if she had been eating just before she came out! " Then Merv was picking on Ellen by repeating everything that came out of her mouth AS it was coming out of her mouth! Hilarious indeed!

Ellen then playd "Which Came First?" with the audience. For instance 'Mustard or Mayonaise??' The answer is mustard because it was invented in the 1300's. Another one was 'Betty White or Snow White?' Can you believe that it was Betty??!

From the new film, "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton," Topher Grave told Ellen that his unique name came from the second-half of Christopher!! He would introduce himself as Christopher and the person would say, "Well, hello Chris!" and he would say "...Topher." Ellen was suprised to know that Topher was discovered in a school play and his first acting gig was "That 70's Show" which is now in it's 6th season. "That's too amazing, that never happens people." He was quite lucky to have had the producers just happen to be there at his school play 7 years ago and offered to have him come to LA!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared sitting at a bingo hall with other bingo players waiting for her winning number. The bingo caller called 'B54' and Ellen yelled "BINGO!", got up and turned to the others and said to the others, "Beat that!"
• She talked about how she was sitting with her co-workers and one said they collected movie memorabilia, another said they collected baseball cards, and Ellen realized she didn't collect anything but cat hair! She doesn't really collect it, just her clothes and furniture do! "So please do not send cat hair!" And tennis shoes, but she wears those, so it's not technically a collection, and she doesn't go to tennis shoe conventions!
• "People are now dancing with me!" while she danced over to her chair. "I appreciate it, there's no need for me to be dancing alone up here." She was dancing to The Miracle's "Love Machine" She'd heard the song the night before and called in to ask the people at her show who sang the song and sang the lyrics to them, and it was all on an answering machine, she later realized how insane she must have sounded!
• Tony received a Kenny Rogers CD from a viewer to which Ellen commented, "Well then, you'll be back in the clubs in no time! Get ready to party people! We got Kenny Rogers in the house! Hola!"
• Ellen's new favorite toy, the "Looky-loo" showed how her body language during her monologue about bad breath yesterday screamed "Godfather", like a Robert DeNiro look. Also her new dance moves that didn't really work out. She almost tripped, and saved herself! She's quite agile for being almost 46!

Neve Campbell sat and chatted about dancing (ballet) which was the basis of her new movie, "The Company." They talked about her unique name, 'Neve,' and how Conan O'Brien just named his new baby that. Her name came from her mothers' maiden name. Neve pointed out that her name, spelled backwards is "even," and Ellens' is "Nelle." She started taking ballet lessons at age 6 and was in "The Nutcracker" at 9. "How do you get your toes to do that point thing?" Ellen asked. "Well, you start at 10 and you get your bones and toes to become strong enough. " Her new movie was actually Neve's idea 10 years ago and she got a woman to write the script and others to direct and produce. Ellen and Neve got dressed into too-too's and Neve taught Ellen some ballet techniques! It's always nice seeing Ellen in a too-too!!

Ellen then played "Diner Slang or Not" with the audience. Some popular ones are "Shingle with a shimmy and a shake" which is buttered toast! and "Wreck 'em" is scammbled eggs. "Put out the lights and cry" is liver an onions . "Paint a bow-wow red" is a hotdog with ketchup. Ellen is always teaching us!

Ruben Studdard performed a song from his new CD, "Soulful" and chatted about winning the American Idol and its new season, and also being nominated for a Grammy!! He was doing and interview for CNN when he got the news. Ruben said, "It's so nice to meet Ellen. Ya know, YOU HAVE GOT IT GOING ON!"

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared with a group of people looking "Luah"-ish and Ellen limboed under a limbo stick. Ellen discussed how her appearance was flawless because of the flurry of activity and people that made her up right before she came onto stage. "What you don't know is that aside from my perfect appearance is that I smell good too... I smell good, I floss, I brush, I gargle, and I repeat."
• Ellen talked about constantly worrying about her breath. "You can try to hint to someone if they have bad breath... Here, have and Altoid, have another, have a few, chew several at one time...Brushing isn't enough and I've said it before, kids, listen to me for god's sake, floss, floss, floss, I can't stress it enough, floss. You've got to keep up on it, the breath thing... you're supposed to brush after meals, well, what if you don't eat, those skinny models? Stinky... Skinny equals stinky!"
• "Richard Simmons is on, ya know, no one wears a pair of dolphin shorts like he does. Not a lot of people can get away with that, but he's holding on to those, no matter what the temperature, he's wearing dolphin shorts."
• Ellen's Ellenbay sheets sold for $18,500 and her plates sold for $6,001.50.

Ellen's first guest, Richard Simmons, will be corresponding for E! during the Golden Globe Awards. Instead of his dolphin shorts, he'll be dressed in a tux! Richard brought Ellen a lovely corsage which she immediately put on her wrist. He talked about being very nervous that he was going to be meeting and interviewing big celebrities at the Golden Globes. He showed the audience his Ellen-underwear but in order to do so he removed his shoes, socks and his pants!! Then he ran over to Tony to give him the records that he brought which included "I Will Survive", "YMCA" and Barbra Streisand, all unopened! Ellen didn't even have to interview him, as he ran around the studio like an excited puppy, he's all the entertainment we need!! Ellen even got bored half-way through Richard's running around stint, and started reading her Book "The Funny Thing Is..!" FYI, Ellen will be at the Golden Globes live this Sunday (1/25)!!

Lynne Cox is the first person to swim a mile in the freezing Antartic ocean. Ellen showed a clip of her swimming - "Look at the snow on those mountains! There's penguins looking at her saying she's crazy!" Lynne said the hardest thing about the freezing water was breathing, she did 90 strokes a minute to keep her body temperature up. There weren't sharks but there were killer whales and killer seals! She's written all about it in her book "Swimming to Antartica."

Before Randy Jackson came out, Ellen showed clips of the "American Idol" auditions that didn't go well, in fact they were horrible! Randy's on the cover of "People" where he talked about how he lost 100lbs! He did the surgery method. He says it's a jump-start, but you still need to diet and exercise right. You have to be on a puree diet for 6 weeks after, and chew your food immensely because your stomache is so small. There's a new "American Idol" episode that started tonite. Did we all know that Randy was in the rock group "Journey"??? Ellen remembered seeing Randy at the Emmys or something and he said, "What up dawg?" to her, which, is the title of his book that talks about getting into showbiz. He gave us a hint about the new American Idol, he thinks it will be a girl winner this year.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared on stage with a walkman and headphones on, dancing around seemingly oblivious to the audience. So last night Ellen was at a "thing", a dinner we'll say, and there was someone there that she knew, and she should have known their name, but didn't. She said it happens to her all the time. She'd meet someone and literally 1 minute later forget their name! She knows the 'repeat their name as soon as you meet them' technique but it doesn't work. She's also heard of a techinque where you find a certian trait about a new person and that's how you'll remember the name. But, she thinks that it will turn out bad and she'll say something like "Hey! It's bad-nose-job Betty!"
• Ellen gave a minute of silence to salute 'Martin Luther King Day'. "Let's appreciate this day for his ability to solve problems in a non-violent manner during very violent times."
• Segment "What are you doin' while your watching?": Ellen took our attention to the "looky-loo" where it showed a picture of a watcher sent in of their lil' Kitty right up against the TV watchin Ellen. Ellen noticed that a lot of people send in pictures of their pets captivated by her show.

Sean Astin was ammused with the smoking donkey. Out of all 3 "Lord of the Rings" films they have made over 2.5 BILLION DOLLARS!! Sean has 2 children. One of whom spent 3 birthdays in New Zealand with him while he filmed. Ellen just discovered that Sean's mom is Patty Duke! Now that Ellen is into eBay she saw that his mom's house in North Idaho is up for auction on the site. They showed the property on the "looky-loo" and it included a very large piece of land. Sean said, "There's enough room for Ellenwood!" Ellen replied, "Yup, I'd put the water park here... we have to figure out what kind of rides because i don't like the scary ones... Or, we'll just have a huge dance area, we'll do that, Okay! I'll buy it!" I'm sure she was joking but you'll never know, tomorrow we may hear that she bought it for charity! Ellen played the most difficult game on daytime television called, "Lord of the Rings, or a type of cheese?"

Breckin Meyer sat and chatted about his new ABC sitcom, "Married to the Kellys." He and his wife had their first baby on New Year's Eve this year. He talked about being nervous about it because he was unfamiliar with babies as he'd never even babysat before. He talked about his struggle with the diapers. Ellen brought up the fact that she couldn't imagine having to change the baby, back in the day when they had cloth diapers and bobby-pins! She knew that she'd end up poking the baby a lot!

Baby Bash peformed his hit single, "Sugar, Sugar" from his album, "The Smoking Nephew."

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared laying in a bed cover in the bedding she's selling for the ASPCA! She talked about things she never did when she was a kid and really wanted to do, like learning to ice-skate.
• Ellen then brought up the 9-year old girl that got everyone to dontate to save her local zoo. When she was on, she told Ellen she wanted to do something with animals or be a zoologist when she grows up. Ellen herself always wanted to be a vet when she was younger. But when she got older she realized that vets have to go to school longer than doctors, and get paid less. "You go to school longer than a doctor, and make less money, so props to all the vets out there!" "Few of us ever end up doing what we wanted to do when we were younger, which is a good thing because if we did there would be and over-abundance of firemen and ballerinas!" Ellen went on to say, "Encourage your kids to dream, to be whatever they want to be, think about it, if Mr and Mrs Redenbocker didn't encourage Orville, we'd all be breaking our teeth on kernals."
• Ellen danced her way to her chair, sat and bellowed, "Am I dreaming or do I have my own talkshow?! It's beyond dreams, Tony. I'm just so happy today, and happy to see you." Ellen decided to change the name of the telestater to "The Looky-Loo".
• Ellen Talks to America Segment: "Ya know, they say you don't really know anyone until you meet their cardboard cut-out. So we'll be talking to people at the "North American Auto Show" in Detroit, Michigan." People in Detroit asked Ellen questions, like, 'What's the fastest speed you've ever driven?' Ellen replied, "Well, you know the speed limits, I obey the law, but on the freeway with no one on the road, I've gone like 90."

Before Ellen introduced Donny Osmond, she went into her story about her crush on him. "It was beyond a crush, I truly thought I was gonna marry him when I was younger!" Donny then appeared on stage the same way as Ellen, in a bed made with Ellen's sheets - "Now I can say that I was in a bed with Ellen!" To which Ellen replied, "Well yes, yes you can, and not many people can say that!" Ellen, about her crush on Donny - "I thought if you would have just met me, that you would've wanted to marry me, I really did!"

They took a question from Detroit. One asked who Donny had a crush on in his younger days, and he admitted to having a huge crush on Jane Seymour!!! Another question - "Ya know, Donny, I sent you a letter when I was in your fan club, and you never wrote me back!" Donny said that was the only letter he didn't reply to. Ellen chimed in with saying that she ALWAYS writes her fan letters back. Donny said he'd make it up to the woman by calling her after the show! Ellen showed a clip of Donny on "Celebrity Fear Factor." He was in a tank with scorpions and other stinging creatures. He said he got stung 3 times! Ellen screamed that she would never do it, even if she didn't have to eat gross stuff! Donny hosts the day-time game show, "Pyramids," airing in syndication.

Ellen to Meredith from "The Bachlorette:" "I knew it! I knew that she would be next! Okay, so the whole joke started when Bob was on and I kept saying that he picked you, then he didn't pick you, so I had her on 'cause he should've picked you, but it's a good thing cause BOB ISN'T EVEN WITH ESTELLA ANYMORE! That didn't work out, so who did you pick?" Ellen tried to throw that last one in there to see if she could trick Meredith into telling her before the show's over. "I almost fell for it too!" exclaimed Meredith. Meredith said that yes, she is in love, and no, she didn't pull a Bob and make out with all the guys. They both agreed that kissing is a good thing, though. Ellen said she's bringing kissing back to daytime. She brought attention to the "Looky-Loo" to see all the guys that were potential Meredith lovers. Ellen asked Meredith about the terribly long rose ceremonies, and she said there are even longer in real life!!

Before the end of the show, Ellen talked about what a great guy Donny was because he had already called the woman whose fan letter he didn't reply to!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared sitting on an exam table, getting a knee-reflex exam by a Dr. (Houston). He hit her knee with the little medical hammer and she kicked him in the nose!
• She then discussed how some people find it awkward to be touched by a stranger, or even friend. The people that come up behind you and start rubbing your shoulders, Ellen doesn't mind that, she even admitted to trying to get them to continue it by saying "Wow, that feels great, are you a professional?? You're really good at that!" Or if you're getting a professional massage and every place plays the same kind of music to relax you. It's always something with nature sounds. Ellen said she'll make a massage music album that will include owls "hoo"ing!
• Update on Tony's albums: He received a vynl record of Stevie Wonders "Songs in the Key of Life" from a watcher. One of Ellen's and his favorites includes Ellen's favorites, "As".
• On Tuesday, when Leah Remini was on, everyone in the crew thought she was sick, Ellen showed on the teleprompter how she brought Kleenex out with her, and she continued throughout the interview to touch Ellen. So during the commercial break a crew member handed Ellen a handi-wipe, she showed Leah, and Leah started screaming! Ellen laughed hysterically. So Leah sent Ellen a gift bag containing medicine, Lysol, even a gas mask!
• Ellen talked about her bedding getting up to $18,100 which ends on Jan 18th. The dishware is up to $4,400 for 8 plates with Ellen's face on them. Ellen encouraged bidders to look for "Ellen DeGeneres Show" on the items to be sure they're authentic. Ellen said, "eBay is now Ellenbay"!

Debra Messing waddled out, oh so pregnant! It's her first child and she's due at the end of Spring. She doesn't know the sex of her child, as opposed to Cheryl Hines who knew the sex of her child but wouldn't tell Ellen. Debra told Ellen that if she touched her, Ellen would now become pregnant, it's contagious! Ellen told Debra that she needed to stay for the sex expert. Debra admitted to having cravings for Frosted Mini Wheats, which she eats 3 times a day. They discussed seeing Barbra Streisand in concert, how Barbra likes to abknowledge popular stars in the audience and pointed Debra out one time. Ellen replied with telling Debra how she saw Barbra at the Emmys and waved to her and Barbra said, "Well, hello, Helen." Ellen took it in stride. It was, after all, Barbra Striesand! Houston brought Debra a GIANT-SIZED box of Frosted Mini Wheats that included little boxes inside of it. Debra was giddy with excitement! You can see Debra Messing in action on "Will & Grace" on Thursdays at 9p on NBC. Plus, she'll be in a new movie called, "Along Came Polly" which also stars Jennifer Anniston.

Burt Bacharach and Ron Isley entertained Ellen & the audience with their performance of "Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head."

Next, sex-expert Sue Johanson came on the show. Ellen insisted that she was fine with the stuff, then a long pause. There were a lot of long pauses in this interview, I don't think I've ever seen Ellen quite this speechless! Ellen asked Sue how she could feel comfy talking about the subjects she does! "I'm trying to figure out how to ask this," asked Ellen sheepishly which Sue motioned her to bring it on. "Okay, say if you're a chef, and you cook all day long, when you get home the last thing you want to do is cook, right..." Sue said she's been married a long time and is still active!! At the end of the interview Ellen sprayed Lysol insisting, "I feel dirty, I needed that!"

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared sitting at a "garage sale" on-stage, obviously not getting any business. She went on to talk about garage sales, i.e. the crazy items you find, other peoples junk. Having one and selling something for 25 cents and a customer says they'll give you 20 cents for it! All this stuff, junk, really, you have neatly displayed in your front lawn, suits hanging from a tree branch, things representing all your failures "How much for that medical book, or what about that marrige license, how much?" Ellen said... "Just donate it to Charity!"
• Ellen's into things on eBay now. $7.99 for vintage Charmin toilet paper, you can even bid on a pair of unused dentures!! Ellen was happy that her bedding was up to $9,100! There's a knock-off so if you're bidding on it, make sure its the bedding the show is selling!!

Minnie Driver talked about her guest appearances on "Will and Grace." They also talked about her British accent. She'd lose it for some parts and keep it for others. Minnie likes to surf, said she would be surfing now, if she wasn't with Ellen! The two of them played a game together they liked to call, "Celebrity" - celebrity names are on a card and the person gives any clues so the other can figure it out..kind of like, Charades. The dog named Benji was even in there! Minnie will guest-starring on "Absoulely Fabulous" airing on the Oxygen Network.

9-year-old Angel came on to talk about how she raised over $90,000 dollars for a local Zoo. She wrote to the paper and had the idea that if everyone in her town donated $1 to the local Zoo, they would have enough money so it wouldn't have to shut down. She sent the letter in with a dollar. So to help Angel and her zoo, Ellen is now auctioning off Ellen Dishware!! Go to the site or look for it on eBay.

Star of Fox's "Arrested Development" (airing Sundays @ 9:30p), Jason Bateman, was celebrating his 35th birthday today. He talked about finishing the past 2 LA marathons! And he's a smoker! But he said he's quitting for the next marathon. Ellen talks about how she had just caught his show on TV and how much she loves it. " It's hard to catch all the shows, they're all so great and some of them are on at the same time ." Guess that's what the ratings are all about, which one is better! So far, from the quotes on TV Guide and Times, Ellen's show is the best this year!! Ellen then brings out a huge chocolate cake for Jason's birthday, which was shared with the audience. The audience attempted to sing "Happy Birthday" but wasn't exactly in unity!

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared playing a game of crepes at a packed poker table, she rolled a 4. She then talked about new inventions, the newest she could think of was the George Forman Grill. "Finally someone thought, we don't need all that fat, and it was a boxer!" She thought a great new invention would be a device that would turn your turning signal off if it's left on too long. "The signals used to be so loud, now their so quiet you don't know it's on. I hate driving and you see someone's signal on, and you follow them, waiting for them to turn, sometimes for miles....!!"
• Tony mentioned to Ellen that he saw her E! True Hollywood Story on Sunday. He said he didn't realize all of the ground-breaking events she was involved in. Ellen remarked, "It's so weird to be watching something and seeing all these people talk about you. Watching apartments I lived in as a kid, and going to Atlanta, Texas and seeing the street I lived on."

Ellen brought to our attention that she's had a lot of pregnant women come on the show, Leah Remini coming on today's show being one of them, so she realized that she was bringing pregnancy back to daytime!

Leah Remini came on & talked about having to hide her pregnant belly on her show. This woman is hilarious, a great combo with Ellen. Leah wants a girl, her doc thinks it's a 90% chance, so Leah's worried about the other 10%. If it's a boy he may not be endowed well and she dreads having to tell him that! Leah has obtained some allergies from her pregnancy, but the crew thought she was sick, so during the commercial break, Ellen was sprayed with disinfectants and wiped with anti-septics! Leah seemed offended, in a humorous way, and made a joke of it by wiping her nose with a tissue and wiping Ellen's hand with the same tissue, she also tried to sneek a drink of Ellen's water, but Ellen freaked. Leah even refused to talk to the crew member, Andy, saying, "You think I'm going to infect your star, Look! He's standing there waiting for the break with a handi-wipe!!"

Chef Poon showed Ellen how to make General Tso's Chicken. He had a thick Chinese accent. Ellen welcomed him by saying "How are you?" and "Your food is great!" in Chinese!! He responded with, "That's great Hebrew!!" Funny! He also showed Ellen how to make monkeys, birds, and other great shapes out of the rids of vegetables like squash and fruits like watermelons.

John Spencer, from the "West Wing", brought Ellen a beautiful yellow rose from his own garden. "You even took all the thorns off!" exclaimed Ellen. John & Ellen share their passion of gardening. Ellen likes to plant trees and shrubs in her yard. They took the show out by having John show Ellen one of his favorite Yoga moves.

Worth mentioning - When James Spader was on, he showed Ellen how a pillow case with his face on it was being auctioned on eBay. He showed how it was only going for $12. So Ellen told her audience to up the bidding. Before the show was over it went up to $50! Well, Ellen told us that at some point after that, the bidding went up to $80,000!!!!! The pillow case eventually sold for a whopping $1,500! Ellen said she had to call the woman that auctioned it off to see what she thought of all this. Ellen - "Hello? Joy? this is Ellen DeGeneres" Joy - "Oh My God, You sound just like you do on T.V!!" Apparently Joy made the pillow cases herself, she sold a Russell Crowe one for $58. But now the James Spader pillow cases are selling like hot cakes!!

Ellen saw how bedding was such a big seller so she made her own. You can go to the website and get the link to bid on the bedding which includes a fitted sheet, a top sheet, and pillow cases. Ellen said they were working on a dust ruffel. The bedding has Ellen's face across the top of it. GO BID NOW!! All proceeds go to ASPCA.

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared talking on a cell phone and holding her index finger to the audience to say "Just a sec, I'm on the phone." She went on to talk about cell phones, the first HUGE cell phone costing $4,000... "Now they just give them away, saying you have free minutes nights and weekends, and you still get a $245 bill from them!" She also mentioned that she saw a young boy on a bicycle talking on a cell. "What do you think he's talking about. Hey, bobby? Yea, I was just at the monkey bars, then I was at the slide, so I'll meet you at the merry go round, 'k? What?! You're the poo-poo head!"
• Ellen will be sending her cardboard cutout to Detroit this week. Monday means, "What are you doin while you're watching?" Caroline from Boston likes to watch while getting ready to perform surgery. A veiwer wrote that he noticed a dark figure that looked like Bigfoot in the background of the Bally Total Fitness Zoomba workout taping!
• Ellen came back from commercial, laughing hysterically, which she later told us that one of her crew members was running to get off-stage before they came back from commercial but fell right in front of her!

Anthony LaPaglia from the series "Without a Trace" on CBS, Thursdays at 10p came on. He talked about his Golden Globe nomination, and his 1-year-old boy that Ellen baby-sat one night when Anthony and his wife wanted to play "Running Charades" and Ellen didn't want to play, so she watched his young child. Anthony's a huge soccer fan so he and Ellen shot some soccer balls into a net that Houston was guarding as the goalie. Houston certainly wasn't afraid of falling down!

Cheryl Hines from HBO's hit comedy, "Curb Your Enthusiasm" sat and talked about her pregnancy. Ellen insisted on Cheryl telling her the sex of her unborn baby but Cheryl wouldn't! Ellen congratulated Cheryl on her new baby by giving her a "Moses' Gift Basket" that included a lil' baby robe. Ellen held up both a blue one and a pink one and told Cheryl she had to pick one!!! How sly of Ellen! Cheryl still wouldn't budge on telling Ellen the sex of her baby, much to her dismay!

Larissa Meek from "Average Joe Hawaii" airing on Mondays on NBC came on. Ellen - "So did you choose the hunk or the Joe??" Larissa - "Well, which would you choose?" Ellen - "Well... probably neither!!" The crowd erupted! Ellen - "Well, are you in love? Have you seen him naked yet??" Larissa - "I'd have to think if I'd want to see him naked." Ellen - "Well then you're not in love, are ya??"

Daily Monologue Moments & Quotes:
• Ellen appeared with a large cameraman-sized video camera, taping the audience and crew as she walked out. Ellen then talked about days getting shorter for the winter. "If you're going to have a bad day, do it now while the days are short... In honor of the shortest day of the year, I'm gonna keep my monologue short and make up the time in dancing!!"
• The couple that Tony met at the police station in London when they both got robbed sent in the picture they took of themselves with Tony.
• Interesting e-mail: Writer noticed that Ellen was giving more handshakes than hugs when meeting guests. Ellen responded by saying she just does whatever feels right. She then turned our attention to the teleprompter where she showed us her great hug with Terry Bradshaw, and also the suprise hug from Tia Texada! And Paul Bettany when he did a handshake and came in for a double kiss. She showed them in slow motion so we could get the full effect when she can pointed out her reactions. She really does love that telestrater!!

James Spader visited Ellen from "The Practice" (airs Sundays on ABC). Ellen immediately showed the repeat of the hug/kiss between her and James right after they sat! James & Ellen used to be neighbors! James has 3 very large dogs, and one day they cornered and bit a make-up artist who was walking up Ellen's driveway! James admitted to being a terrible neighbor. Ellen said she soon after sold that house to Courtney Love! James then talked to the TV viewers when he said, " You know, when they go to commmercial, there's a rave in here!!" James loves the FoodNetwork show Iron Chef. He said he'd just leave the TV on the Food Channel, and has learned so much.