Title: It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year…Or Is It? (1/1) Author: Tina Homepage: http://www.oocities.org/weird4182/index.html Pairing: Brian and Justin Rating: PG-13 (for language) Category:  Drama, Angsty, kinda sappy at the end  Summary:  The boys endure everything that the holiday season brings.   Spoilers: I’ll just say Seasons 1-3 to cover my ass ;-) Disclaimer: If this were a utopian world they could belong to all of us, but it’s not, so they don’t.  Sadly, they belong to Cowlip. Feedback: Yes, please. Send it to Weird4182@yahoo.com 4 days before Christmas Brian shook the snow off his jacket as he walked into the diner.  He cringed as he noticed all of the Christmas decorations that Deb had smothered the interior with.  ‘Fuck!  It looks like a Hallmark store exploded in here.’  He was half tempted to leave, but Deb saw him and gestured for him to sit down.  He sighed, resigned to his fate, and took a seat in a booth in the nearly empty diner.  Deb brought the coffee pot, two mugs and sat down across from him.  “How is he?”  Brian took a sip of his coffee before meeting Deb’s gaze.  “How do you think?” “Poor Sunshine.”  Deb said closing her eyes briefly.  “Has he spoken to Jenn and Molly recently?” “They left for Boston this afternoon so he went this morning to give them gifts to take with them.”  He sighed.  “His Grandmother Taylor called last night to try and convince him to come with Jenn to spend the holiday with her, I even said that I’d go with him, but he refused.” “Maybe you could…”  Brian cut Deb off before she could start with the lecture.  “He doesn’t feel up to it and no one is going to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Deb swirled her coffee for a moment and then took a sip.  She looked hard at Brian.  “Alright kiddo.  You’ve been avoiding this, but I think it’s about time you told me what happened at Thanksgiving to put Sunshine into such a depression.  He was upset even before this. ” Brian leaned his head against his hand and yawned.  At that moment he looked very much like the fourteen-year-old Deb remembered Michael dragging home.  Deb still found it hard to believe that her sons had finally grown up.  ‘So what if they were thirty before they each got a clue?’ Brian looked weary.  “I’ll tell you, as long as you…” “Don’t worry, kiddo.  I keep your secrets, remember?”  When Brian raised a skeptical eyebrow, Deb was quick to modify.  “Well, at least the important ones.”  Deb reached a hand across the table to brush Brian’s bangs out of his eyes.  “Now what happened at Jenn’s?” Brian sighed.  “Things were going well.  Justin was thrilled that I agreed to go and Molly was excited to spend time with her brother and me.  Shit, even Jenn was pleased that we were there.  And I guess even I was having a good time.  Justin was playing the happy homemaker with Jenn getting dinner ready, while Molly and I were playing Monopoly.”  Brian smiled while remembering.  “She was completely kicking my ass.”  Deb smiled as well, but it faded when Brian frowned and his eyes clouded over.  He looked at his cup of coffee before finally meeting Deb’s gaze. “Craig showed up.” Deb’s eyes widened a bit in understanding.  “Damn.” “You know how Justin went to talk to him about his tuition last year?”  When Deb nodded, Brian continued.  “Well, apparently afterwards he had an epiphany.  Justin had told him that he would always be gay.  That nothing could change that and this time Craig actually listened.  Craig realized that his son was ‘lost’ forever.” Deb grimaced.  “Oh shit.” “When he saw that Justin was there, he was pissed.  But when he saw that I was there, he was livid.  He started accusing Justin of lying to him to get his money.” “Lying about what?” “About us being apart when he asked about tuition.” “Wait, he didn’t know that you had reconciled?  But you’ve been back together for over a year.” “Like I said he had an epiphany and afterwards refused to discuss or listen to anything concerning Justin from Jenn or Molly.  Anyway, he started more or less verbally assaulting Justin.  He wouldn’t listen to Jenn when she demanded that he leave, so eventually I wound up literally throwing him out.” Deb patted Brian’s hand that had clenched into a fist as it rested on the tabletop.  As soon as her hand was near enough Brian’s hand grabbed hers with a desperation that startled her.  Deb looked into his eyes and saw that they were filled with pain for what his partner had and was still going through.  “The worst thing that he said was that since Justin was already dead to him he wished that Hobbes had done the world a favor and k-kill…finished what he had started.  And that while he was at it, he should have taken the bat to me as well.” Deb’s eyes closed briefly as she was filled with anger for what Justin had endured.  “That bastard.” “Yeah.”  Brian sighed and noticed that he seemed to be doing that a lot lately.  “So that’s why this has hit Justin so hard.  It would have been a bit easier for him, if the what took place at Thanksgiving hadn’t happened.”  Deb nodded.  “I noticed the Friday after, when you two came over for leftovers, that a lot of his spark seemed to be…I don’t know…” “Extinguished?”  Brian supplied and Deb nodded sadly.  “And now it’s almost completely burned out.  Not that I blame him.  I mean he sees his asshole of a father for the first time in over a year and the man says some of the most vicious things possible to him…things that even my piece of shit old man never dared to say…that happens and then less than two weeks later, Craig dies.  How else is Justin supposed to react?”  Brian looked at Deb.  His eyes filled with the frustration and the helplessness that he felt.  “How is he supposed to overcome this?” Deb knowing that unfortunately there’s no answer to that question, could only hold Brian’s hand tighter.  ~*~ The door to the loft screeched as it was opened.  Brian looked up from the couch and saw Justin enter. “Hey Sunshine.” “Hey.”  Justin smiled, but it was a hollow smile that didn’t reach his eyes.  It was also the only kind he smiled nowadays.  Brian was very surprised to see that Justin was carrying his portfolio.  He waited, but when Justin didn’t offer any information about what he’d been up to, Brian asked. “Where’d you go?  You’re mom and sister left ok, didn’t they?” Justin stood next to Brian’s desk, very uncomfortable and unsure of himself.  Brian sighed inwardly.  This had been a major problem for them since Craig’s death.  Justin had lost most of the self-confidence he had gained and regained over the years.  Finally, Justin slumped in a chair across from the couch and subconsciously held his portfolio to his chest, as a shield against anything that might harm him.  “Yeah, they’re fine.  I went to PIFA and I talked to the dean.  He said that all my professors approved extensions on my final projects.  I just have to turn them in before the new semester starts.” ‘Finally.’  Brian smiled.  Justin had practically turned into a hermit during the last month, taking no interest in school or art.  At least he was beginning to care again. “Um…I’m going to try to spend time in my studio at school this week.”  Justin said while nervously twisting the portfolio strap in his hands.  “I think I’m going to probably be there all day on the 24th.” Brian was surprised, but showed no outward emotions.  He just kept thinking to himself, ‘It’s his decision.  Don’t pressure him.’  “If that’s what you want to do.  It’s your choice.”  Brian paused for a moment to think.  “Are you sure you don’t want to go to Deb’s?” Justin’s eyes finally met Brian’s.  “Yeah.  But you go.  You should.  I’ll probably come back here and order some take-out.  I know that you usually spend practically all day Christmas Eve at Deb’s.” “We’ll see.”  Brian said noncommittally.  “Are you going to come with me to Casa de Munch for brunch on the 25th?” Justin’s eyes held a bit of his old spark.  “Yeah, Gus will be so adorable.  He gets really excited for holidays.  Chanukah was a lot of fun.  I couldn’t believe how good he was at playing dreidel.  He beat us every time, but it was hard to convince him to take the foil off the gelt before eating it.  He said that if he did that then it didn’t look like a coin anymore.  I finally was able to convince him that the chocolate had the imprint on it, just like the foil.”  Justin laughed.  “Plus he said that any holiday where you got to eat candy and jelly doughnuts was a good holiday.” Brian laughed as well.  “I think Mel’s happy that he’ll grow up to be a good Jewish boy.  He likes most of the holidays and going to temple.” “Yeah.”  Justin grew quiet again.  “I think I’m going to take a shower.”  He said and left the room without waiting for a response. Brian sighed.  The noise seemed loud in the silent room.  Apparently, Justin was going to try to ignore Christmas, his favorite holiday, this year.  Brian definitely understood Justin trying to keep himself busy, so he wouldn’t have to think about anything.  ‘But he loves this holiday.  He even got me to somewhat celebrate it last year.’  Brian looked around the loft for inspiration, something to tell him what to do to fix this.  An idea began to form in his head, but he didn’t know how he could pull it off.  He suddenly noticed a sheet of paper that Justin had placed on the coffee table.  On it, in Jennifer’s elegant handwriting, were her and Molly’s itinerary as well as contact number’s.  Brian glanced at the clock and then back at the paper.  According to it, Jenn and Molly should have arrived in Boston about an hour ago.  Listening to make sure that Justin was still in the shower, Brian picked up the phone, and began to put his plan in motion. ~*~ December 24th, Christmas Eve Justin wearily trudged up the stairs to the loft.  All he wanted was to crawl into bed and wait for this day to end.  He had spent all day in his studio getting absolutely nothing done.  Unwanted memories kept creeping into his mind.  As he approached the loft door he thought, ‘I wonder if Brian wound up going to Deb’s.  I hope so, especially since I really don’t feel like fucking tonight.’ Justin stepped into the loft and gasped in shock.  The first thing he noticed was the music playing.  It wasn’t Christmas carols but some soft, relaxing jazz.  He then saw the twinkling white lights that outlined the glass doors to the bedroom.  He also saw the beautiful wreath that was hanging from the back of the loft door as he closed it.  The kitchen bar stools had been removed and garland and lights ran along the counter with two stockings hanging together in the middle.  When he looked closer, Justin recognized one as his stocking that had always hung above his family’s fireplace when he was little.  He gently fingered the faded lettering of his name reverently.  Eyes wide, he continued to look around the loft.  He saw the garland that decorated Brian’s desk and the back of the couch.  He was immediately drawn to the tree that that stood tall in the living room.  It was decorated with striking ornaments, garland and tinsel, all in different shades of blue.  It was beautiful and familiar to Justin.  After a minute, he realized that it was an almost exact replica of the tree that his family had when he was 10.  In fact all of the decorations were the same, even the garland that he had handmade with blue rings that year, was there.  “Do you like it?” Justin jumped in surprise and turned to find Brian directly behind him.  He had been so captivated with the tree that he failed to hear Brian approach him.  He opened his mouth a few times to speak, but was unable to make any words to come out.  Finally he was able to speak. “How?” Brian smiled gently.  “I called Jenn.  She told me where to find the right decorations in the house.  Her giving me that key a few months ago came in handy.  She said that the Christmas you had when you were 10 was your favorite.” Justin turned back to stare at the tree.  Brian tenderly wrapped his arms around Justin from behind and rested his chin on Justin’s head.  Brian barely heard Justin’s whispered, “Thank you.”  They stayed like that for a few minutes, until the rumbling from Justin’s stomach broke the silence.  Laughing, Brian pulled Justin to the spot in front of the couch and next to the coffee table, where he had set up pillows and cushions to create a comfortable sitting area on the floor.  On the coffee table sat a beautiful poinsettia, along with various snack foods.  Brian had all of Justin’s favorites, from Oreos to chilling cans of Mountain Dew. Brian had Justin sit down and went to the kitchen for a moment.  He came back with a large plate of Deb’s lasagna and two forks.  He set the plate on the table between the two of them and then ate the delicious meal in comfortable silence.  Justin was even able to convince Brian to eat three Oreos.  After they had finished eating, they sat in the dimmed loft and watched the twinkling lights around them. “Justin?” “Hmmm?” “I got you a gift.” Justin turned around in his arms and looked at him. “Brian, you’ve done enough.  This was amazing.  You didn’t need to get me anything else.” Brian put his finger to Justin’s lips to silence any more protests. “I know.  But I wanted to.  Close your eyes.” Justin did as he was told and Brian left the room for a moment.  When he came back he sat in front of Justin and as he placed his gift down, he told Justin to open his eyes.  Justin did and was immediately amazed at the bundle in front of him.  The cutest auburn colored dachshund puppy was sitting in his lap looking at him curiously.  Justin smiled his Sunshine smile for the first time in a long time.  Justin picked up the puppy, which immediately deemed Justin acceptable and proceeded to lick his face.  Holding his new puppy, Justin scooted forward until he was sitting comfortably in Brian’s lap and smothered his faces in kisses.  “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” Brian smiled happily at Justin’s reaction and whispered quietly in his ear. “You’re welcome.” They played with the hyperactive puppy, which Justin promptly named Frisky, for a few minutes.  Then Justin left Frisky with Brian to go retrieve two gift-wrapped boxes from the bedroom.  After taking repossession of the doggie, Justin handed them to Brian.  Curiously Brian opened the smaller gift and let out a hearty laugh, which scared the puppy and surprised Justin since Brian rarely laughed like that.  His first gift was the brand new ‘Ultimate two-disc DVD of Dirty Dancing’.  After giving Justin a gentle kiss, he opened his second present.  Almost immediately, Brian felt himself begin to fight tears that were forming.  It was a framed canvas painting of Brian lifting and spinning Justin around at the prom.  It was one of the few memories that Justin had and he always said that it was too painful to try to draw or paint it.  Brian turned away from him, not wanting him to see his tears of pain and joy.  Pain of the outcome of that evening and happiness that Justin was finally able to express it.  Justin grasped Brian’s cheeks and turned his face towards him.  He gently kissed Brian’s closed eyes, tasting his salty tears.  Brian placed the painting aside and gathered up Justin in his arms, so he could lean back against him.  Justin in turn, gathered up Frisky in his arms.  Together the little family watched the tree’s lights and the snow that was beginning to fall outside.  Occasionally Brian and Justin exchanged sweet kisses.  For the most part, they were content to simply enjoy their surroundings. They stayed there for the rest of the night.  Not speaking, just being together.  And right before they succumbed to sleep, they whispered their final words of their perfect evening. “Merry Christmas Brian.”     “Merry Christmas Justin.” 12/23/03 Merry Christmas! Happy Chanukah! Happy Kwanzaa! And any other holiday I may have forgotten!