Author: Tina
Homepage: http://www.oocities.org/weird4182/index.html
LiveJournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/weirdqafan/
Pairing: Brian and Justin
Rating: R
Category: AU, Drama
Summary: Someone pays Justin a visit.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Seasons 1-3
Disclaimer: If this were a utopian world they could belong to all of us, but it’s not, so they don’t. Sadly, they belong to Cowlip.
Feedback: Yes, please. Send it to Weird4182@yahoo.com
Author's Notes: Post Season 3. Brian & Justin were never caught doing the anti-Stockwell campaign. Brian’s still partner at Vanguard, as well as financially sound, & Justin’s still at PIFA, as a junior.
~*~
Brian looked at the key in his hand and back up at the door he was standing in front of. He debated whether or not to use it. Justin had given him the key to the apartment that he shares with Daphne in case of an emergency. ‘This could be considered an emergency. I need to talk to him, and if I knock, odds are that he’ll slam the door in my face. Not that I’d blame him...Fuck!’
He took a deep breath, and before he could change his mind, unlocked the door and entered the apartment.
There was some classical string music playing, and Brian could hear Justin moving around in the kitchen. Brian cautiously approached the entryway and watched Justin chop vegetables for a few minutes. So far Justin hadn’t acknowledged Brian’s presence, although he had to have heard him. Eventually, he broke the silence.
“This is cello music, not violin music. You don’t need to worry about me breaking my promise. Although, now you’ll probably accuse me of fucking some nameless cellist.”
“I deserve that.” Brian stared at Justin’s rigid back, ashamed that Justin wouldn’t even look at him.
“Damn right you deserve that! And a hell of a lot more too! Christ Brian! I know I fucked up with Ethan, but you know what? Just because I made a mistake, doesn’t give you the right to fucking throw it back in my face. If that were the rule, there’s a long list of your fuck-ups to choose from. But I don’t throw them back in your face. I try to forgive them and move on and even if they still hurt me, which some of them still do, I don’t hold them over your head like some fucking child!” Justin threw the knife down to emphasize his point.
“I know I just…”
“Why did you take me back?”
“What?”
“Why did you take me back? Was it so you could dump me this time? Were planning on fucking me for awhile, letting me get comfortable and then kicking my ass out the door?”
“No Justin I…”
“Was it so you could constantly remind me how I hurt you? So you could make me suffer for what I did? Get revenge? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, huh Brian?”
“I…”
“To constantly stomp on my heart every time you get jealous? To make me feel worthless and remind me that I’m nothing more to you than something you use to cum? To keep me as your whore?” Justin whispered this last part as a tear ran down his cheek.
“Justin, look at me!” Brian grabbed his arm and forced Justin to turn around and face him. Brian tenderly caressed Justin’s cheek, brushing away the tear. “You are NOT my whore. You’re nobody’s whore. You never have been and you never will be. You’ve never even been a trick to me, not really. Even the first night. If anyone else had told me that they had nowhere else to go, do you think I would have given a shit? You didn’t and for some reason I cared. I couldn’t just toss you out. You were a scared little twink, but I already thought of you as my scared little twink.”
“I am not a twink.” Brian chuckled quietly.
“Yes you are. But that’s not the point. When I ‘took you back’ it was because I wanted to be with you. Even though to me, you were never really gone, just on a sabbatical.”
Justin collected himself and took a step back from Brian. “I know that I hurt, even if you won’t admit it. I know that I also broke your trust, but I’ve been trying to fix things and it isn’t fair for you to act like you did last night. Things have been going so well, but it seems like you were just waiting for something to come along to use as an excuse to hurt me or fuck things up between us. You should have given me a chance to explain things.”
“I know. And believe me, I felt like the biggest asshole this morning when I found out who Alex is. Why didn’t you tell me you had another sister?”
“Don’t change the subject. Do you think you might be able to trust me again? Because if you can’t there’s no point to us even continuing with this relationship, and yes it is a relationship. I want to be able to think of a future with you in it. I’m not talking about us getting married or anything, but I want you in my life, as my boyfriend, as my lover, as my partner, or as just my friend. All of those things require trust. Do you want that? If not, why are we together. I don’t want you to be with me out of some twisted sense of responsibility or guilt, either yours or mine. There are no locks on our doors Brian. If you don’t want to be with me, leave. Don’t play these fucked up mind games, where the ultimate goal is to force me into leaving you. What do you want from me?”
Brian stared at Justin, who was watching him intensely. He knew he had to answer this question, and answer it right, or else he’d loose Justin permanently. Despite all of his bravado and bullshit, that wasn’t something he was willing to risk.
“I want to dance at Babylon with you. I want to play pool at Woody’s with you. I want to have dinner with you and discuss your projects and my ad campaigns. I want to have brunch at the Munchers with you. I want to spend my weekends watching Gus with you, so we can watch him grow up together. I want you in my life. I do trust you and I want to be with you.”
Brian took Justin’s face in his hand and kissed his lips softly, to prove how sincere his words were. He sat down in a chair and pulled Justin into his lap and held him closely, realizing again just how close he came to ruining everything.
“I want that too.” Justin whispered.
They held each other tightly for a few minutes relishing the closeness while contemplating what happened and what could have happened.
“I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but we need to communicate more often. I don’t know how many more of these big outpourings of feelings I can take. Some things can only be tolerated in small doses.”
Justin rubbed his nose against Brian’s. “You did very well for a beginner. And you’re right, we do need to talk more often, but that doesn’t mean all the time. In fact…”
Justin began placing kisses slowly along Brian jaw line, inching his way towards Brian’s beautifully full lips.
“Mmm, as much as I’m enjoying this, I believe you were in the process of making a pretty delicious looking dinner. You finish it and I might be persuaded to join, if there are promises of a sweet” kiss “creamy” kiss “dessert.”
“That sounds great, as long as you don’t mind sharing dinner with Alex. You are both really important to me and I would like it if you got to know each other. She should be here in a little over half an hour.”
“Whatever you want Sunshine.”
Justin reluctantly got off Brian’s lap to resume chopping vegetables for the salad to go along with the macaroni and cheese that was warming in the oven.
“So, tell me about this sister of yours.”
End Chapter 4