Author: Tina
Homepage: http://www.oocities.org/weird4182/index.html
LiveJournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/weirdqafan/
Pairing: Brian and Justin
Rating: R
Category: AU, Drama
Summary: Someone pays Justin a visit.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Seasons 1-3
Disclaimer: If this were a utopian world they could belong to all of us, but it’s not, so they don’t. Sadly, they belong to Cowlip.
Feedback: Yes, please. Send it to Weird4182@yahoo.com
Author's Notes: Post Season 3. Brian & Justin were never caught doing the anti-Stockwell campaign. Brian’s still partner at Vanguard, as well as financially sound, & Justin’s still at PIFA, as a junior.
~*~
Brian sat at the kitchen table as Justin checked on the dinner. He still couldn’t get over the shock that he’d felt that morning when he realized that Justin had another sister. A sister that in the three years they’ve known each other, he never knew about.
“Are you going to tell me about Alex, before I meet her?”
“I’m just trying to figure out where to start.”
“How about you start with why you’ve never mentioned her before, yet according to the guys the two of seem close and she knew about them?”
“I’ll explain all that just be patient for once.” Justin smiled and stuck his tongue out at Brian and then took the seat across from him. “Alex is my big sister. She’s five years older than me and she’s been my best friend my entire life.”
“What about Daphne? I thought she was your best friend.”
“Daphne’s my best friend who’s my age. Alex is kind of like my overall best friend. Actually, growing up the three of us were always together. Daph and I used to call ourselves the Three Musketeers. Alex used to say we were more like the Three Stooges. Once we even asked our parents if they would move in together so Daph, Alex and I could live together at our house. They could take the Chanders’ house. We were practically inseparable.” Justin smiled fondly.
“Alex has been the single largest influence of my life. When I was little I wanted to be her when I grew up. She was an artist, so I wanted to be an artist. My mom might have given me crayons when I was real little, but Alex gave me my first set of drawing pencils. She taught me about shading and shadows and how to really look at an object for details and most importantly, she taught me love of art and creation. It seemed like she raised me rather than our parents. They were around, but any important life lessons, I learned from her.”
Justin grew silent with a contemplative look on his face, while Brian tried to absorb what he’d just heard. ‘She’s important to him. I get that. How come he never mentioned her? Why do I get the feeling this story doesn’t have a happy ending?’
“Alex was practically a picture perfect child. She started high school when she was 12. They skipped her a bunch of grades. She was tested in like first grade, and even though I don’t know her exact IQ, I overheard my parents talking about it being well above the genius level. She never stayed out late or got into trouble, she was a straight A student, on the honor roll, she was involved in drama and the art program, and she was the only freshman to ever make MVP of the varsity softball team.”
Justin stopped for a second to catch his breath and noticed that as nonchalant as Brian tried to seem, he was impressed.
“When I got my SAT scores, I asked her what she had gotten and she refused to tell me. She claimed that she couldn’t remember. Not fucking likely for someone with photographic memory. I found a copy of her scores in my mom’s desk. The bitch scored a 1590!” Justin laughed and Brian quietly joined in. “She didn’t want to burst my bubble, so she feigned ignorance. Besides that, she was never one to brag. Like I said, she was practically perfect. But it wasn’t good enough for our parents.”
Justin took a deep breath and continued. “Did you ever wonder why when my mom realized that I was gay, she so readily agreed to keep it from my father? Or why I didn’t exactly seem too surprised by my father’s reaction? That’s because he’d done it before. To her.”
Justin took another deep breath, trying to control his emotions that were threatening to break through. He hated remembering one of the worst times of his life.
“When I was ten, one night I was supposed to be asleep, but I was under the covers with a flashlight drawing. Alex had been babysitting Daphne, so I wanted to stay awake to say good night to her. I heard her come home and almost immediately, our father started screaming at her. I couldn’t hear most of what he said, but a few choice words filtered through. ‘Disgusting. Abomination. Unnatural. Disgrace.’ Sound familiar? Some how he found out that Alex is a lesbian. Fitting isn’t? That such a homophobic prick would have not one, but two gay children.” Justin laughed, but without humor.
“I remember hearing Alex say something, but it was too softly for me to hear. Then the house got eerily quiet. Like dead silent. Next I heard this loud crash, followed by a door slamming, and then more silence. I was so scared. I didn’t know what had happened, but I didn’t really want to find out either. I heard someone came up stairs and maybe about five minutes later, Alex came into my room. She made me turn off the flashlight and wouldn’t let me turn a light on. She sat on my bed and held me. She told me that she had to go away for a while but that no matter what happened or what anybody said, she would always be my sister; she would always be there when I needed her and that she would always love me. She told me to always be proud of who I am and not to let anyone force me into changing myself and to always stand up for what I believe in.”
Justin looked Brian in the eye.
“I didn’t really understand what she was talking about until years later, but I knew it was important. She held me for the longest time, like she didn’t want to let go. Finally she kissed my forehead, said she would find away for us to stay in touch and again that she loved me. Then she handed me Gus.”
“Gus?”
“Gus was her teddy bear originally, but since she was leaving, I could have him to watch over me and remind me of her.”
“You named my kid after a stuffed animal?”
Justin looked at Brian amused. “What, would you have preferred that I had agreed with Mel and named him Abraham?” Justin took a deep breath. “Anyway, Alex left and things pretty much went down hill from there.”
“How so?”
“Mom never forgave my father for kicking Alex out and I know she never forgave herself for letting him, so things were really strained there. I was a wreck. I’d just lost my best friend. I was too young to understand what had happened, all I knew was that Alex was gone and it was my father’s fault. Plus, after that I was afraid of him.”
Justin got up and left the kitchen for a second. When he came back he was carrying a rather tired and battered looking bear.
“This is Gus.” Justin showed Brian the back of Gus’ head, where there were a few dark stains. “I figured out why Alex wouldn’t let me turn a light on or let me look at her directly that night. That bastard hit her. I’m not talking like when he slapped me. I mean he fucking punched her. Awhile after she left I finally went down stairs into the living room. There had been this glass-topped end table. My mom was picking up broken glass and there was some blood on carpet. He punched her and she fell into the table.” Justin indicated Gus’ head. “This is also her blood.”
“Did she tell you that’s what happened?”
Justin smiled. “No. Alex wouldn’t say a word against our parents. She wouldn’t want to turn me against them or make my growing up with them any harder. Any time I’ve tried to ask her about what happened that night, she’d tell me that it’s not worth dwelling on.”
Brian pulled him into his lap. “I’m not doubting you, but if she didn’t tell you that, then how do you know?”
Justin laid his head on Brian’s shoulder, still clutching Gus. “You’ve never met Daph’s parents have you?” Brian shook his head. “They’re really cool and understanding. When I came out, I talked with them a little bit. They each have a sibling who’s gay. Mrs. Chanders’ brother is and one of Mr. Chanders’ sisters is gay. Alex stayed with them for a few days after the blow up with our father. In fact, the following day Mr. Chanders came over and ripped my father a new one for, not only kicking Alex out but for punching her. That’s when I put two and two together and figured it out. After a few days with the Chanders, she found somewhere else to stay for a few months until she graduated. I’m not sure where or how, but I think it might have been through the GLC. Four months later, she graduated and moved to New York.”
“Why didn’t you ever mention her to anyone?”
“Mostly out of habit. After she left, anytime I mentioned Alex and my father overheard, he’d start yelling and screaming that she was dead to us. Mom said that I shouldn’t live in the past. Until she graduated, the Chanders secretly arranged for me to see Alex at their house everyday after school. After she moved, she’d call their house everyday at four to talk to Daph and me. If she wanted to send me something, she sent it to them and I’d keep it at their house. If I wanted to send her something, the Chanders would mail it for me. It sucked, but it worked for years.”
Justin looked at Brian thoughtfully. “I didn’t intentionally keep her a secret from you. I know that if I had told you about her, you wouldn’t tell anyone. I just never thought to bring her up.”
Brian kissed Justin softly and then rested his forehead against Justin’s.
“I understand.”
Justin snuggled into Brian’s chest. “Thank you for listening to me. That’s the first time I’ve ever told what happened to anybody. It felt good to share it.” Justin took a deep breath. “It still hurts, you know? Do you know how many parents would kill for a child like Alex? But he just threw her away. And me. At least with me, I was practically an adult. Alex was fucking 15 years old. Thank G-d she was almost done with high school, otherwise who knows what might have happened.”
“I’ll never understand how some parents can turn their back on their kid like that.” Brian stated.
“This morning was the first time in ten years that I’d seen Alex.” Justin’s eyes filled with tears that did not fall. “I missed her.”
Brian kissed the top of Justin’s head. “I’m sure she missed you too. You’re pretty unforgettable, not to mention missable.”
Justin laughed and looked at Brian’s face. “Is missable even a word?”
Brian raised his eyebrow and looked smug. “If I say it is.”
They held each other comfortably, until a knock interrupted their tranquil moment.
Justin got up to answer the door.
“Hi Alex!”
“Hey Justy.”
‘Justy? This should be an interesting meal.’ Brian thought.
End Chapter 5