1. Dr. David Weiner--Internist/Primary Care Physician--Dr. Weiner does not allow any modesty or tears in his office. He, however, can cure any illness you have in about a week. He was the first doctor to tell me that my chronic abdominable pain was due to an intolerance to lactose. He is now monitoring my asthma.
2. Dr. Andrew Scheinfeld--OBGYN--Dr. Scheinfeld is very gentle and nice. He does not ask too many personal questions. Although he is married and has a baby, his aura of homosexuality makes him the ideal gynecologist. There is a good selection of magazines in his waiting room and he gets you in and out of your appointment. He is very adept with the swab and speculum and he is in and out of your within seconds. Don't be fooled by his speed, he is very throrough. He diagnosed my dermoid by mere touch alone. Dr. Scheinfeld does not like to operate.
3. Dr. Kurt Christopher--Surgical OBGYN--Dr. Christopher is hands down my favorite doctor. He looks just like the Greatest American Hero. Dr. Scheinfeld referred me to him after the diagnosis of my tumor. Dr. Christopher is very sexy and if I remember correctly, his OR scrubs have a football design. He drew a diagram for me of where everyone was going to stand during the operation. He also gave me a photo of my actual reproductive system. If he was not married, I'd be all over Dr. Christopher.
4. Dr. Mordecai Dicker--Gastro--Dr. Dicker is also known as the "butt doctor" since I went to him for a sygmoidoscopy when I was having the chronic abdominal pain. The procedure was horrible, but I could tell that Dr. Dicker was making it as comfortable as possible. When I flirted with him during the procedure and told him that nobody had ever seen my colon up close before, he said, "I hope not."
5. Dr. Alan Greenspan--Dermo--Dr. Greenspan is a true pimple popping geek. I have only been seeing him for a couple of months, and my skin does not look Winona Ryder's yet, so I have yet to form a complete opinion. He did give me tons of free samples of different kinds of moisturizer. He is located on Wall Street, so I better see some results soon.
6. Dr. Lawrence Forgasch--Eye Doctor--He is by far my weirdest doctor. He wears A LOT of cologne and has his trophies for his equestrian pursuits all over the waiting room. His suits look like he bought them at Chess King. His reminder cards have a photo of him jumping a fence on his horse. All of the women who work for him are very sexy and show a lot of cleavage. He is on my eye plan and I only see him to get new contact lenses.
7. Dr. Jeff ?--Love Doctor--I was only seen by Dr. Jeff once. He is an eye surgeon at Columbia Presbytarian. He is from Australia and of Hungarian descent. He can cure a very boring party by taking you home, kissing you on a street corner and then treating you to a great olive oil massage. Dr. Jeff is not on the Guardian Health Plan.
8. Rita--Therapist--I have a love/hate relationship with Rita. While she provides the path to new and exciting prescription medications, she does not ask me any challenging questions. I would like to find a new therapist, but every time I try to quit, she makes me come back. Because I am nonconfrontational, I put myself through this weekly torture. Also, she does not have a couch. I wish I could find one of those therapists who let you recline while asking you Freudian questions. Rita does not do this.