| i cant begin to explain to you what its like bein a gangsta. to have to own a stolen gun, carry razors in your mouth, an experience adrenaline rushin faster then yo heart. that shit i cant explain... but i can explain it by sayin its like havin a abusive, violent, an angry family. a family that teaches you to keep shit to yourself.. when you first join Crip, you take an oath.. is just a small oath sayin u wont snitch an this an that.. but then that oath turns into your biggest fear.. im 5 years into this Crip shit an its gotten to a point where i cant even talk about my day... i cant open my mouth about shit, u kno? i talk about my day i fear gettin my ass beat or gettin keyed up till i need stiches.. and as for gettin help... shiet, if my homies found out about me tryin get help... my ass as good as grass 6 feet unda.. yet for some reason i dont ask why me... all i kno is i try an get out there an let peeps kno that no matta fuccin what.. dont join Crip... u might think u need the protection, affection, an support.. but nah... i swear to u on mah life they wont give u nuttin but bigger probs.. im not braggin either.. this shit painful for me to talk about... eva since my brothers death things been fucced up... and i have made biggest mistakes... nuttin worse then typin to u how i fucced up... how i did somethin i regret.. an how i did somethin that i would live in shame with if my brother was still alive... if u wanna be raped, beat, stapped, shot at or shot in your body, involved with drive by, killin an beatin others, holdin bacc emotions, torturing an causin fucced up pain to others... then go for it... join Crips.. i be one them muthafuccas to whoop yo ass in... but if u dont have the mentality to see it for real.. then stay tha fucc away... just today i was chillin with my mom an this girl my age was behind me.. her moms an her was talkin an it got me mad.. for some fuccin reason her whispers got me mad... then i started havin the feelin of turnin around an beatin her ass till she cant say a word... till every bone in her body has snapped.. instead i just turned an told her "will u shut the fucc up" right in front of her moms an mine... they walked away no doubt an moms understood why i did it... who caused it... an how my anger trips like that so we didnt get heated... but if u cant do that to another ri infront of your moms... then u got enuf love to stay away from Crips.. i go to bed with fucced up feelin every night... i once wrote somethin befo goin to sleep an it said.. well shiet now that i read it again.. nah yall aint need to kno... but the locced down emotions i experience an the flashbaccs, the nightmares, an the screams of people are what make me fall asleep... i aint get the quiet music or bed time story or a lil prayer on my knees befo i fall asleep... instead i pass out from bein drunk or i take enuf pills where thoughts wont be in my mind... or some nights.. my bed isnt even a thought.. i would be out on the streets in those baggy clothes... in all blue with a blue bandana around the forehead or arm... with my gun hooked on me... razors under my tongue... knives in poccet.. can of spray paint... mase sometimes... an so many fuccin id bracelets anyone can identify me.. or carvings in my skin to show which gang im part of... thats me... thats Crippin wiCCie you see.... Ce safe an outro. |
