Another
conversation with a muse
(a.k.a. the many ways to kill Jenny Shepard)
with thanks to feenixandashes
and sharpiesgal
I
was having a smoke, reading about whatever it was, when I heard someone whistle.
It wasn’t my mom, nor my brothers, and my speakers of my computer were off. I
looked around to see if anyone was standing outside, but no.
Another
whistle.
And
another.
What
the…
“HEY!”
a familiar voice sounded. “Look inside your head!”
Oh,
it’s you.
“Yes,
it’s me!” the voice barked. “Give me some coffee.”
I
have cola?
“Coffee.”
Peanuts?
“Coffee!”
the man growled.
“How
about some Earl Grey tea, dear?”
Oh,
hey Ducky, you’re in there too!
Gibbs
walked in to his kitchen, and filled his mug with coffee, and made some tea for
his lover Ducky too.
“Hey!”
Don’t
hey me!
“Why
did you put the word ‘lover’ in that line?”
We’ve
been over this before, Gibbs. You two love each other. Now… go to your living
room and sit down. What do you want?
Gibbs
walked to his living room, the sun was faintly shining through the curtains. At
the sight of his lover he started to smile. He kissed him tenderly and handed
Ducky his cup of tea, before sitting down on the couch.
“I
want you to get rid of someone.”
Me?
“You’re
a writer. I mean, the Powers that Be won’t listen anyway.”
Okay…
you made a point. What do you want me to do?
“We
want you to get rid of Jennifer, dear.” Ducky said.
Jen?
“She
is one redhead I’d love to see dead.” Gibbs said seriously.
But…
“Do
it.”
Got
any ideas?
“Personally,
I’d shoot her.”
”But that’s Jethro’s way of solving things.” Ducky deadpanned.
You
can’t shoot her, it’ll cost you your job.
“I
know that!” Gibbs said annoyed. “Just.. think of something.”
Hey,
you want her dead.
“You
want her dead too, admit it.”
Yep
“You
have this beautiful word for it… what is it?”
Poisoned
Pixie.. but that one isn’t mine.
“Well,
it’s a great find anyway.” Gibbs shrugged. “Kill her.”
Give
me ways to kill her, Gibbs.
“Shooting
accident…”
“An
autopsy while she’s still alive?” Ducky suggested.
Oh
Duck, that’s cruel.
“Put
her in a movie marathon with DiNozzo.”
“Lock
her up in Abigail’s basement?”
“No
Ducky, think worse.”
“Let
Abigail be dominant and let Jennifer die?”
Sharpiesgal:
Bury her alive
“Now,
that’s a good one.” Gibbs snickered.
“I
could inject her with air?” Ducky suggested.
“Cruel,
Duck, cruel.” Gibbs roared with laughter.
“Jethro!
You’re laughing!”
Watch
it Gibbs, you might stay in it and then your face will be full of cracks.
“Tie
her up and drag her behind a horse.”
“How
about a car, Jethro?”
“Oh,
that’s a good one too.”
Sharpiesgal:
draw and quarter
her
What?
Feenixandashes:
hang you then cut you in half and then again, gizzards and other bits hanging
out, while you are still alive apparently.
“That…
“ Gibbs choked in his coffee.
“I
think Jethro likes that, dear.”
Sharpiesgal:
though it doesn't seems as bad as a hot poker up the bum
Ducky
grinned. “Branding her like livestock, that sounds good… reminds me of a
story when I was at a ranch in
“I
knew there was a reason why I never let you near my horse.” Gibbs deadpanned.
That’s
mean, Gibbs. Poison her?
“Oh
yes, the obvious way to kill her. Pour poison in her coffee.”
“But
hasn’t she stopped drinking coffee?” Ducky asked.
“Right…
in her wine then.”
Feenixandashes:
wrap her up like a mummy and dig her brains out through her nose
“Very
good, my dear.” Ducky said amused.
Sharpiesgal:
wait a minute...does she have a brain?
“I ask
myself the same question every single day.” Gibbs snickered.
Sharpiesgal:
then answer me this, Jethro...why did you sleep with her in the first place?
“Because
she’s a redhead? I dunno. Oh, I do. Diane was cheating on me and Jenny was
there to help me cheat.” Gibbs nodded.
“Very
low, dear, very very low.”
Burn
her at the stake?
“Yes!
She’s a witch!”
“How
about a lobotomy?” Ducky offered.
“Will
you do it?”
“No!”
Ducky objected. “That’s against the Oath… but I would if I could.”
Car
bomb?
“Oh
yes, I’ll resurrect Ari from the dead and let him plant a bomb.” Gibbs
rolled his eyes. “And then kill Ari again.”
Execution?
“Blindfolded
execution.” Gibbs said quickly. “That way, I can shoot her myself.”
“Lethal
injection.”
Good
one
Sharpiesgal:
stick matches under her nails and lit them
“That’s
only torture.” Gibbs noted.
Sharpiesgal:
well...true....how about sitting her hair on fire as well...
“And
then throw her in a bath tub filled with gasoline?”
Pixie
goes fly?
“Run
like the devil she is, more likely.”
Okay…
well I have enough… but I’m not going to write them. They’re awesome
scenario’s all, but …
“You
don’t have the guts.” Gibbs sighed.
Maybe
someone else does.
Now
shut up again and leave me alone.
“Yes
ma’am.”
Gibbs
got up and held out his hand to Ducky. Ducky took it eagerly and followed his
lover upstairs, to Gibbs’ bedroom.