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An occassional collection of news parody. Some of these appeared originally at the on-line news satire site "Glossy News".
Many reporters will tell you the hassle of covering a story when you're pre-occupied with trivialities such as trying to stand erect and not get trampled. By being strapped to a bigger person, ala Master-Blaster of Beyond Thunder Dome fame. It's very convenient, really. Big person does all the walking and navigating, news baby is free to observe, note and report. Works slick as vinyl, I must say. Pictured here is me, demonstrating the strap-on journalism approach during an M's game in which I'm told the Mariners won.  In this demonstration you can see how easy it is for a news baby to do his work, using the hands-free, legs-free system. Didn't end up doing much reporting that day. Every time something newsworthy happened, everybody around us stood up. Also, I'm not really sure what the whole point of the game is, so I suppose I could have been better prepared. Besides, got kind of distracted by all the nice people who work there, one even brought me a complimentary Jaime Moyer collectible card to support the Gregory Fund. I don't know how valuable it is, but I suspect the fact that I chewed it up may hurt the resale. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Aunt Tricia took me up to the team store to get a hat. Me and my host (pictured above as my courier,) toted me around to schmooze the people and get in some face time. Another huge benefit to being strapped on is how you can let go of work-a-day troubles like staying awake, which segues conveniently to my last point. Next thing I know I wake up and I'm back at home. Creepy, isn't it? I don't remember falling asleep, but I guess I did since I couldn't find any head trauma to otherwise explain it. Since my host was on auto-pilot, upon slumber-nappage, I am automatically taken to the next destination on my daily roster. Oh, and please don't think that just because I'm a strap-on journalist, that I'm not all natural. I'm 100% factory, folks, no synthetics or artificial polymers of any kind. © Copyright(c) Paul C. Vincent, all rights reserved 1998-2003 (does not apply to original material by others published here).
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