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In this era of rampant terrorism, flucuating energy prices and stock markets, and questionable election practices, people expect closer scrutiny when travelling or buying a gun. Now people can't even go to the mall without facing the latest in terrorist-fighting security tools. Such was the experience of one Ben Siznik, a local patriotic guy who supports his country through thick and thin. No matter what, he is prepared to give it his all for the cause. Whatever his leader needs (even if it's his last remaining kidney) he is there. Just name it. But, even for a supreme, ultra patriot like Ben Siznik, what he was asked to do last Thursday at the local mall may have gone too far. "I was in the mall picking up my mail at the post office," explained Siznik. "I had to sign for a package. Everything was going fine until the clerk noticed it was a package from another country. A 'foreign' country. That's when things got a little tense." It seems Ben was unaware that foreign packages are not looked on too kindly in Binferd, Tx. Even if those same packages contain life supporting internet prescription meds for his ailing mother at the local nursing home/quilting factory. As Siznik learned, they have a 'procedure' in Binferd that anyone receiving mail from a foreign country must go through. It's called the 'probe', the latest in terrorist and mall security. "People are always checking my credentials and looking up my social security number and verifying credit information. It happens all the time," said Siznik becoming somewhat unsettled. "But, when I heard the snap of latext and, then turned and saw the clerk brandishing a six foot long sigmoidoprobe-a-scope, well, I knew something different was up." What was up was Siznik's buttocks as he was told to assume the position and prepare to be probed. According to the clerk, people receiving packages from foreign countries (possible terrorists) are identified, listed in a registry, then probed. "Such people, people who buy from internet pharmacies or order stuff from outside the lower 48," the clerk said, "Are potential enemies of the state." Siznik said he then joked, "You mean 'enemas' of the state, right?" But the clerk was not laughing and the probe went ahead. Fortunately for Siznik, without incident. Plus, the results were sent to his doctor for free. For Siznik the experience was an eye opener (or, in his case, a cheek opener) on the effort to make America secure. It may even have turned him on to America again. "I plan to go 'all America' in my shopping from now on," pledged Siznik. "Or, at least, I'll let my brother, Dougie, order drugs for mom from Canadian internet pharmacies and let him pick up the packages. He could use a good probing," added Siznik. © Copyright(c) Paul C. Vincent™, all rights reserved 1998-2003 (does not apply to original material by others published here).
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