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An occassional collection of news satire and rants. Some of these appeared originally at the on-line news satire site "Glossy News". Groups Fight to Stop Rules Ruling No-Rules Games "It's gotten completely out of hand," exclaimed Myron "Four Fingers" Shikowski recently. What was he complaining about? Shikowski, a life time player of shinny hockey, was simply voicing the long felt angst that his fav sport has become over-run with excessive rules ruining the fun. "It used to be a bunch of guys would get together at the outdoor hockey rink, form "teams" (quotations his) and play for hours on end," said Shikowski, fighting back several heart-felt emotions. "Now, when you go out to play a pick-up game the rules freaks come out of the woodwork." Case in point. First there was no hitting other players. Then came no slapshots, followed by even numbers of players on each team, then someone had to play goal at all times, which led to the goalie not being able to cross the centre line. "Some kids and adults," says Shikowski, "Don't even want to play anymore saying that if there's going to be this many rules, then they may as well put out some real cash and play an organized sport." The increasing number of rules being applied to no-rules pick-up games is becoming an epidemic. The Centre for No-Rules Sports (CNhyphenRS) in Macon, Georgia, says that pick-up games in baseball, basketball, stickball, and other so-called "street sports" are being destroyed by too many rules. "It's an aspect of human nature that people ignore at their peril," says CNhyphenRS Director, Spurl Spangler. "We're spending at least $51,062.09 each year now on trying to eliminate rules in no-rules sports. Some pick-up sports tried to require players to have uniforms. We put a stop to that by getting a court order blocking such actions, but we can't always turn to the courts to end such idiocy. People have to want less rules. That's the only way." Spengler's organization has develoepd an extensive ad campaign trying to move people away from adding rules to no-rules games. "We have ads running now that basically say, 'Hey, you stupid rule-loving people, it's a pick-up game, there aren't supposed to be any rules." One study revealed that many pick-up games had been overtaken by rule-loving current and former government employees. "Bureaucrats love rules," commented Spengler. "It's their life to create and implement rules all over the place. They can't help themselves." That's why Spengler and others have said that communities must limit the number of bureaucrats playing in any given pick-up sport. What's the goal? "Under 50% that's for sure," said Wymie Sturgeon of Chicago, IL. "Once we set a limit, the rules just began falling away. It was exciting to see. They're now seeing signs of mayhem creeping into pick-up games again. Even some rather serious injuries, too. A few have required extensive hospitalization and long-term rehabilitative treatment." It's not California, of course, where serious wild abandon purveys most pick-up activities and some deaths have occured, but they're getting there. As to the increasing risks brought on by few or no rules, Sturgeon says that life comes with risks and pick-up games are no exception. "We draw the line on gang-type intential injuries in our pick-up games," says Sturgeon's friend, Tommy "No Toes" Bitman. "Injuries that come just from the game itself, you know, like head butts, charley horses, various contusions and broken bones or teeth - all of it falls under the 'player beware' aspect of pick-up." And it's the player-beware part that CNhyphenRS has used as a defense against lawsuits and in pushing its no-rules approach to no-rules pick-up sports. "If you enter the field of play and engage, that means you're on your own," adds Spengler, sporting a "No Rules Means No-rules, Stupid" t-shirt. "It's one of a line of t-shirts and other products we have for sale to help us pay for ad campaigns, to fight or file lawsuits, or to pay for the annual no-rules party we like to have in Miami every year." Still, it's a long road ahead for CNhyphenRS. Every community that allows pick-up games to take place because a bunch of like-minded kids and adults think it's their right to play such games, must deal with rule-making idiots trying to destroy games. Studies show rule makers are all over the place and form a significant portion of every communiy's population. Some are life-long bureuacrats, others are current and former nerds who never made it in organized sports, but grew up layihng excessive rule-based games like "D 'n D" or "Risk". "We need to re-educate these folks to understand what 'no-rules' means," says Mayor "Fighting" Jo Kwimbee of Springfield, Mass. "It's the duty of every citizen to rid no-rules games of rules." That's where the "No-Rules Foundation" or the NRhyphenF has played a key role. The NRhyphenF raises funds to support no-rules games run by recreational clubs or supportive non-profit community organizations. "Some clubs and organizations want to support no-rules gaming, but can't because they can't get unorganized activity off the ground. That's where we come in," says Foundation founder Noel 'One Leg' Jones. "It's our philosphy to throw good money into unorganized pick-up games in down-trodden communities." Especially attractive to the Foundation are trailer parks hit hard hit by tornados and hurricanes or burned out, gang-destroyed public housing projects. Un-organization thrives in these places and its where the Foundation has had its greatest success at re-introducing unorganized activity that doesn't involve gangs or other criminal based appraoches. "We love to come into such communities, spend big buchs painting parking lots black and putting some lines down for basketball or hockey. The kids see this and the next thing you know, bam! - there's a pick-up game started and lots of noise of folks laughing, cheering from goals and baskets being scored, screaming and moaning from pick-up game injuries by you're average folks again. It's a heartwarming, tear-producing developpment to see a community generating such things all on their own again. Like in the old days." And that seems to be what the no-rules movement is all about. Bringing back some of the feel of what used to be many years ago - before gangs, before bureaucrats, before Bush-hating, rule loving democrats and tree-huggers came on the scene. Only time will tell if the no-rules movement takes hold and helps to regenerate that sense of community we all once had, but lost because of too many rules and too many lawsuits over too many random injuries. "We're bringing unorganized mayhem back to the people," says Spengler. "One community at a time." God speed to the Spenglers of the world. © Copyright(c) Paul C. Vincent, all rights reserved 1998-2003
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