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TO OUR QUOTATIONS PAGE JOKES AND QUOTESBy, For, and About Anything That's Funny or That's About Government/Bureaucracy/Polictics or Whatever.
Do you have a favourite quote about
government/bureaucracy or politics or one that's just plain funny? WITWORLD'S GREAT LIST OF QUOTES "Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible." --Javier Pascual Salcedo "The key to government spending: why have one when you can have two for twice the price?" -- form the movie 'Contact' "You will find it a distinct help if you know and look as if you know what you are doing." - IRS training manual for tax auditors (as quoted in The Mouthpiece Jan 13, 2000) "This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!" --- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) Are they taking DDT? --- Vice President Dan Quayle asking doctors at a Manhattan AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice. "I'm the Vice-President. They know it, and they know that I know it." Vice President Dan Quayle talking about his political enemies, 3/13/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92) "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." --- Vice President Dan Quayle on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.
Some US VP Al Gore-isms: Get this straight - the police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder. - Richard Daley, Former Chicago mayor during the 1968 convention The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous. The Internet is a great way to get on the net. - former Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole.
Former Vice President Dan Quayle said these next
4: Being a President is like riding a tiger...keep on riding or be swallowed.-Harry S. Truman If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.-J. Danforth Quayle I have opinions of my own--strong opinions--but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush, Sr. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
This isn't political or bureaucratic, it's just
good: You can trust your public utility about as far as you can hand roll a bulldozer. - Edward Abbey The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.- Henry Kissinger If presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.- Mel Brooks If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation. - Farmer's Almanac, 1966 A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it. - Oscar Levant "I took the initative in creating the internet." - Al Gore ('CAUSE IT'S JUST TOO FUNNY!)
"Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs." - P. J. O'Rourke "You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner."-Aristophanes "A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top." - James Reston "I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say." - Calvin Coolidge "Don't steal. The government hates competition."-Anon. "Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it." -Anon. "If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual."-Frank Herbert "My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight." - John Fitzgerald Kennedy "The taxpayer -- that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." -Ronald Reagan "The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would steal them away. -Ronald Reagan "The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem."-Milton Friedman "In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence." -Laurence Peter "Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned."-Milton Friedman "By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day." -Robert Frost "Even if you're paranoid, maybe they really *are* after you." -Anon "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the show?"-Anon "The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship bureau]."-Anon "Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either."-Anon "Know thyself. If you need help, call the CIA."-Anon "God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!" -Anon (We know its not about government, but the Canadian in us made us do it) "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together."-Carl Zwanig (Why is this one here? Because I like it and it's my page) "The reward for a job well done is more work."-Anon "The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."-Gerry Brown "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another."-George Bush,Sr., US President "Please provide the date of your death."-from an IRS letter "I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."-Richard Nixon, US President "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony "Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."-Dan Quayle, US VP "We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister "I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of continents."-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor "We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur." -Dan Quayle "Potatoe"-Dan Quayle "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."-Dan Quayle "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -Keppel Enderbery "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."-Dan Quayle "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."-Dan Quayle "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."-Dan Quayle "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..." -Dan Quayle "The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."-Dan Quayle "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.-Honoré de Balzac The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency. -Eugene McCarthy Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.(anon) The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.(anon.)p> All government - indeed, every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue and every prudent act - is founded on compromise and barter. -Edmund Burke A large brain, like large government, may not be able to do simple things in a simple way. -Donald O. Hebb It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself. -Thomas Jefferson The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive. -Thomas Jefferson It is perfectly true that the government is best which governs least. It is equally true that the government is best which provides most. -Walter Lippmann Every nation has the government it deserves. -Joseph de Maistre I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -Will Rogers Frequent punishments are always a sign of weakness or laziness on the part of a government. -Jean Jacques Rousseau Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -George Bernard Shaw Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed. -I. F. Stone { Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison. -Henry David Thoreau When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. -Harry S. Truman Anarchy may not be a better form of government, but it's better than no government at all. (anon.) Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.(anon.) When the government fears the people, we have liberty. When the people fear the government, we have tyranny.(anon.) Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.(P. J. O'Rourke)
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WITworld™ Humor Center, WITnews™ Humor Ezine, The Blue Flame™ Parody Mag, and WITSTERblog™ are produced by it's CEO, Head Cheese, and main witster, Paul C. Vincent™. Original material appearing on this site and in Wit-news™, The Blue Flame, or the Witsterblog are produced for the sole enjoyment of readers and are not to be reproduced in any way, shape or form without express written permission. Request same at Except with respect to the posted work of others and identified as such, all material © Copyright(c) Paul C. Vincent, 1998-2005, all rights reserved.
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