For IMMEDIATE HELP call 911
For help call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (TTY 1-800-787-3224). There you can talk to a professional in complete confidence.
A dear woman I trust with your hand and heart is Sheila........she is a member of Knights of Kindness....a wonderful resourceful, heartfelt group of kind and caring individuals on the net......please contact them for assistance and support. Knights of Kindness, Haven of Hope Knights of Kindness, Haven of Hope. Or you can email them at:
Haven4Hope@aol.com This is Sheila.
Angelofglass@aol.com
TREECIE357@aol.com
A few years back I had the pleasure of meeting another truly wonderful woman....Margaret. You may read her daughter's story at: Our Angel, Tammy.
A wonderful support group online is Silent Tears........you may visit them at: Silent Tears
Domestic Violence affects women daily. Women I Know, women you know. Our friends and neighbors, sisters and daughters. In these pages I will attempt to bring you accurate up-to-date information on every aspect of violence against women. Please........get involved........reach out a warm hand and open heart........listen to a friend in need.........educate yourself. If you are a woman in need of assistance.......reach out...........there are so many WONDERFUL programs available on the web. They can offer you confidential friendship and support, resources and strength in knowing someone really does care. IMPORTANT...........Please READ this to remove any history of Domestic Violence research on the internet.......your abuser can review your recent web page visits...... WARNING
HOW AN ABUSER CAN DISCOVER YOUR INTERNET ACTIVITIES
email: if an abuser has access to your email account, he or she may be able to read your incoming and outgoing mail. if you believe your account is secure, make sure you choose a password he or she will not be able to guess.
If an abuser sends you threatening or harassing email messages, they may be printed and saved as evidence of this abuse. Additionally, the messages may constitute a federal offense. For more information on this issue, contact your local United States Attorney's Office.
history / cache file: if an abuser knows how to read your computer's history or cache file (automatically saved web pages and graphics), he or she may be able to see information you have viewed recently on the internet.
You can clear your history or empty your cache file in your browser's settings.*
Netscape:
Pulldown Edit menu, select Preferences. Click on Navigator on choose 'Clear History'. Click on Advanced then select Cache. Click on "Clear Disk Cache".
On older versions of Netcape: Pulldown Options menu. Select Network Options, Select Cache. Click on "Clear Disk Cache".
Internet Explorer:
Pulldown View menu, select Internet Options. On General page, under Temporary Internet Files , click on "Delete Files". Under History click on "Clear History."
AOL:
Pulldown Members menu, select Preferences. Click on WWW icon. Then select Advanced. Purge Cache.
* This information may not completely hide your tracks. Many browser types have features that display recently visited sites. The safest way to find information on the internet, would be at a local library, a friend's house, or at work.
Thanks very much to Ruth Laura Edlund, Attorney at Law, for her help in getting this message to you. http://firms.findlaw.com/edlund
American Bar Association 750 N. Lake Shore Dr., Chicago, IL 60611 312/988-5000 info@abanet.org Copyright American Bar Association. All rights reserved.
The Hidden Crime
One out of every four women in this country will suffer some kind of violence at the hands of her husband or boyfriend. Very few will tell anyone — not a friend, a relative, a neighbor, or the police.
Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life — all cultures, all income groups, all ages, all religions. They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame.
All hope it won't happen again, but often it does.
ARE YOU ABUSED? DOES THE PERSON YOU LOVE...
• "Track" all of your time?
• Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
• Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Criticize you for little things?
• Anger easily when drinking or on drugs?
• Control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?
• Humiliate you in front of others?
• Destroy personal property or sentimental items?
• Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
• Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
• Threaten to hurt you or the children?
• Force you to have sex against your will?
If you find yourself saying yes, it's time to get help.
IF YOU ARE HURT, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
There are no easy answers, but there are things you can do to protect yourself.
• Call the police or sheriff. Assault, even by family members, is a crime. The police often have information about shelters and other agencies that help victims of domestic violence.
• Leave, or have someone come and stay with you. Go to a battered women's shelter — call a crisis hotline in your community or a health center to locate a shelter. If you believe that you, and your children, are in danger — leave immediately.
• Get medical attention from your doctor or a hospital emergency room. Ask the staff to photograph your injuries and keep detailed records in case you decide to take legal action.
• Contact your family court for information about a civil protection order that does not involve criminal charges or penalties.
DON'T IGNORE THE PROBLEM
• Talk to someone. Part of the abuser's power comes from secrecy. Victims are often ashamed to let anyone know about intimate family problems. Go to a friend or neighbor, or call a domestic violence hotline to talk to a counselor.
• Plan ahead and know what you will do if you are attacked again. If you decide to leave, choose a place to go; set aside some money. Put important papers together — marriage license, birth certificates, check books — in a place where you can get them quickly.
• Learn to think independently. Try to plan for the future and set goals for yourself.
HAVE YOU HURT SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY?
• Accept the fact that your violent behavior will destroy your family. Be aware that you break the law when you physically hurt someone.
• Take responsibility for your actions and get help.
• When you feel tension building, get away. Work off the angry energy through a walk, a project, a sport.
• Call a domestic violence hotline or health center and ask about counseling and support groups for people who batter.
THE HIGH COSTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
• Men and women who follow their parents' example and use violence to solve conflicts are teaching the same destructive behavior to their children.
• Jobs can be lost or careers stalled because of injuries, arrests, or harassments.
• Lives are lost when violence results in death.
TAKE A STAND
• Reach out to someone you believe is a victim of family violence, or to someone you think is being abusive. Don't give up easily — change takes time. Ending the family's isolation is a critical First step.
• Urge organizations and businesses to raise community awareness by hosting speakers on domestic violence, launching public education campaigns, and raising funds for shelters and hotlines.
• Ask the local newspaper, radio station, or television station to examine the problem and publicize resources in the community through special features and forums.
• Form coalitions or "watchdog" groups to monitor the response of local law enforcement agencies and courts. Offer praise where appropriate and demand reform when necessary.
• Most communities offer resources for victims of family violence. Check your telephone directory or ask a law enforcement agency.
Developed by the National Crime Prevention Council in Partnership with MOTOROLA®. Domestic Violence Facts.............Information and Facts on Domestic Violence Domestic Violence Facts Page Two........Are you being abused?, more statistics Domestic Violence and Our Children...........Domestic Violence and how it relates to our children.
Share Your Heart Campaign.....Woman's World Campaign to END Violence!!
I Got Flowers Today
I Got Flowers Today
I got flowers today.
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
And it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered
Enough courage and strength to leave him.
I would not have gotten flowers today.
by Paulette Kelly
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Help Sites............
SUPPORT For Survivors:
http://lady_madona.tripod.com/DomesticViolenceSurvivors.html
Lauren's Mom......In Memory of Lauren Elizabeth Hafford
How do I help a friend???????
YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Ending domestic violence can be a hard struggle for someone who has been rendered powerless and afraid in their own home, but you can make a difference! Your support and concern can give a victim the strength to say "No!" forever to a life of violence and fear. To show you are supportive:
LISTEN
Victims need to feel they can speak of their experience without fear of being judged, rejected or betrayed.
BELIEVE
Domestic violence occurs within every social strata and among every race, and it is serious.
ASSURE THE VICTIM THEY ARE NOT TO BLAME They do not deserve to be beaten, nor did they cause the violence.
SUPPORT WITHOUT DOMINATING
Encourage them to see that they still have choices and support them in the choices they make.
BE THERE
Supporting a victim of domestic violence can be demanding, but victims need to know that you will not desert them.
INFORMATION FOR AN ABUSED WOMAN
Survival - Before an Attack:
If you are living in an abusive situation, there are some practical measures you can take to protect yourself. It may seem strange to think in terms of preparing for an attack ahead of time, but that can be the very time that you are clear headed, not upset, and capable of organizing some protective measures for yourself. First, let someone know what is going on. If a friendly neighbor is aware that your spouse is abusing you, she or he may be able to call the police for you when you are unable to do so. Other friends, neighbors, or relatives may be able to provide shelter or transportation for you if you need to get out of the house, and if you talk with them ahead of time they can be prepared to help the most. While you may feel isolated from other people, if you can begin to develop or re-establish contacts, you will gain not only sources of emotional support, but very practical assistance as well. If you have the space in your home, select a room that can be locked from the inside in order to get away from an attack. Or, if you sense an attack coming, move closer to the door to avoid getting cornered and to help you get out of the house. Consider the things you could arrange to hide in order to help you during a crisis: extra money and/or a spare set of car keys can get you to safety. If you will need to get out of the house in a hurry, you may want to quickly get such things as food, extra clothing, diapers, extra glasses, medication, indentification cards, medical insurance or welfare cards, important legal papers, and so on. Make a list of resources you might need, such as a shelter, a lawyer or legal center, hospital, and any other agency or person you might need to contact. If you have no safe place to keep these things, you may be able to store them with a friend or neighbor.
Survival - During an Attack:
During an attack, there is probably nothing you can say or do to make him stop. Because he is not in a rational state of mind, it is unlikely that you can reason with him. However, there are things to keep in mind that may help you. First, try not to panic or lose your temper. While these reactions are understandable, they won't help you out of the situation. You will need to be clear headed to think about what to do. Getting angry and insulting him may make him angrier. Which will be worse for you. Save your anger for a time when you are safe from physical attack. There are varying opinions on whether to fight back. Some people feel that it is important to stand up for yourself and show that you won't be pushed around. Others claim that this may subject you to greater violence. Knowing your own strength and your husband's personality will tell you whether fighting back will benefit or harm you. The Milwaukee Task Force on Battered Women suggests the following things to do during an attack:
1. DEFEND AND PROTECT yourself, especially your head and stomach.
2. CALL FOR HELP, scream, or if you can get away, run to the nearest person or home. Say you are being hurt and that you need help.
3. CALL THE POLICE, or have someone else do it; they have a responsibility to protect you.
4. GET AWAY, if it is unsafe to stay at home, call a neighbor, friend or a cab. Find shelter and take your children with you.
Survival - After an Attack:
Immediately after an attack it is important to get medical help for two reasons. First and foremost, you may have suffered physical damage you are not aware of, such as internal injuries or concussions. Second, by being seen in a hospital emergency room, you are establishing a permanent medical record of the assault, which can provide valuable evidence should you decide to take further legal action. Save any torn or bloody clothing, and if you can, get someone to take pictures (preferably in color) of your injuries. These can also serve as important evidence in convincing people that your situation is serious. A friend or relative who can go with you to the hospital can provide moral support and often help you settle yourself and get your story straight. It can also be helpful to line up any possible witnesses to the attack to confirm your story. Remember that you are in need of help and entitled to it.
Survival - Finally .....:
Although it may seem that you face almost insurmountable hurdles, we want you to know that there are many women who care about what happens to you. We are determined that society recognize and respond to your victimization. We are demanding that the blame for someone else's inability to cope does not fall on you, that shelters and services be developed to meet your needs, that future generations of boys and girls be raised to treat each other as equals, with mutual respect and caring. And we are demanding that your right to live a life free from violence be ensured.
But, in the end, only you can make the decisions and take the steps that will set you free. The Milwaukee Task Force puts it best:. "You have both the freedom and the responsibility to take care of yourself. You have the right to think, feel and make choices and changes. Consider thinking about yourself in new ways:
I am not to blame for being beaten and abused.
I am not the cause of another's violent behavior.
I do not like it or want it.
I do not have to take it.
I am an important human being.
I am a worthwhile woman.
I deserve to be treated with respect.
I do have power over my own life.
I can use my power to take good care of myself.
I can decide for myself what is best for me.
I can make changes in my life if I want to.
I am not alone. I can ask others to help me.
I am worth working for and changing for.
I deserve to make my own life safe and happy.
Although you face immense difficulties, you have the unqualified support and encouragement of thousands of individuals.
Fleming, Jennifer Baker, STOPPING WIFE ABUSE; A guide to the emotional, psychological, and legal implications for the abused woman and those helping her. (Anchor Books, New York, 1979)
Emergency Organizations:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
National Victim Center: 800-FYI-CALL (394-2255)
Operating 8:30AM-5:30PM EST, the NVC hotline helps locate assistance in your community if you have been the victim of a violent crime.
National organizations and clearinghouses against domestic violence:
Battered Women's Justice Project
(Part of the Domestic Violence Resource Network)
4032 Chicago Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55407
Tel: (612) 824-8768
Toll-free: 800-903-0111
TTY: (612) 824-8768
Fax: (612) 824-8965
Assists legal advocates, law enforcement personnel, corrections agents, judges, attorneys, domestic violence organizations, government agencies, students and concerned citizens. The project provides training, technical assistance, and other resources (but not the fighting of individual legal cases) through a partnership with three nationally-recognized organizations, in the areas of criminal justice, civil justice, and battered women who are charged with crimes.
Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence
936 North 34th Street, Suite 200
Seattle, WA 98103
Tel: (206) 634-1903
Fax: (206) 634-0115
Email: cpsdv@cpsdv.org
Web site: http://www.cpsdv.org
An interdenominational educational center, providing material and training to religious communities, with the aim of the prevention of sexual and domestic violence. They offer training, workshops, videos, books and publications, including a quarterly newsletter, Working Together, to help those who work within the faith community to combat domestic abuse.
Center for Women Policy Studies
1211 Connecticut Avenue, N.W., Suite 312
Washington, DC 20036
Tel: (202) 872-1770
Fax: (202) 296-8962
Email: HN4066@Handsnet.org
A multicultural, multiethnic, feminist policy research and advocacy institution, the Center addresses all issues which impact on women. Its early work broke new ground in defining rape and domestic violence as federal policy issues, and it now campaigns to place rape and battering in the context of a bias-motivated hate crime. Their current programs include Stop Acquaintace Rape (StAR); Violence Against Women and Girls; and a State Legislators Initiative, whose Report keeps track of federal and state policy that affects women.
The Clothesline Project National Network
PO Box 727
East Dennis, MA 02641
Tel: (508) 385-7004
Fax: (508) 385-7011
A visual display that bears witness to acts of violence committed against women. Shirts are used as canvasas for artistic and heartfelt expressions which depict the pain and horror of abuse. Each shirt is decorated to represent one woman's experience and is designed by the survivor herself or someone who cares about her.
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
(In partnership with the Battered Women's Justice Project) 204 W. Franklin Avenue
Minneapolis, MN 55404
Tel: (612) 874-7063
Fax: (612) 824-8965
Handles requests for information about domestic violence and the military, and about community intervention strategies within Native American communities. Focuses on inter-agency coordination and policy development so that individual practitioners are guided to take violence seriously, in the use of arrest, prosecution, sentencing of abusers, victim safeguards, and batterers' intervention programs.
Family Violence Prevention Fund
383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304
San Francisco, CA 94103-5331
Tel: (415) 252-8900
Email: fund@fvpf.org
Fax: (415) 252-8991
Web site: http://www.fvpf.org
Hotline: 888-792-2873
Publications orders: (415) 252-8089
A national organization dedicated to the elimination of domestic violence through public education and prevention campaigns, public policy reform, model training, advocacy programs, and organizing. They run programs training all different sectors of society on action to take against domestic violence, and they build up integrated community projects. Programs:
There's No Excuse for Domestic ViolenceÓ public education campaign has a Take Action Kit, educating individuals on how to make a difference.
National Health Initiative on Domestic Violence, including the Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Judicial Education Project, developing curricula for family and criminal court judges. has a CD-ROM software program for judges on domestic violence
Child Welfare Project. For child protective service workers and family court judges, policies and practices for effective identification, assessment, and intervention in child abuse cases involving domestic violence.
National Workplace Resource Center on Domestic Violence. Employers and unions disseminate information on domestic violence, develop policies, and work to ensure that workplaces across the nation support employees who are victims of domestic violence.
Battered Immigrant Women's Rights Project. Building public awareness; affecting public policy; making resources accessible; strengthening network efforts to help through the VAWA.
Philadelphia: Let's Stop Domestic Violence
Latino Community Project
Filipino Community Project
These last three are presently local projects, but they provide examples and models for outreach efforts throughout the country.
Family Violence Project of the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges
PO Box 8970
Reno, NV 89507
Tel: (800) 527-3223
Fax: (702) 784 6160
Operates the Resource Center on Domestic Violence and other ongoing projects, including ones on: improving the court system's response to family violence cases; providing training for judges and court workers nationwide; and developing and promoting model state legislation on domestic and family violence.
Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence
(Part of the National Health Initiative on Domestic Violence, a program of the Family Violence Prevention Fund, and part of the Domestic Violence Resource Network) 383 Rhode Island Street, Suite 304
San Francisco, CA 94103-5331
Tel: 888-527-3223
E-mail: health@fvpf.org
Fax: (415) 252-8991
