| My Shamanic Journey 1/9/02 I went on a shamanic journey to find the block and/or the piece of my Self that I’m missing that I need to regain so I can move closer to right livelihood. I called on my warrior spirit buddy to guide me, and he took me to a place where there was a little hut, a campfire with a big kettle on it, a young woman tied to a bamboo rack, and a stooped gnarled woman holding her captive. I drew my knife and banished the gnarled woman to the edge of the fire circle. When I cut the girl free from the rack she immediately collapsed to the ground and aged. She looked like one of those Nazi concentration camp survivors. I gave her some charged water to drink and she filled out a little bit. I asked her name and she said “I Can’t.” When I asked her what she wanted she said “To dance. To be free.” I promised her we would dance and I inhaled her into myself and felt us merging. Then I looked at the gnarled woman scowling at me from the edge of the fire circle. I wasn’t sure what to do with her… I didn’t have to ask her name, I know who she is. She is my inner judge. The one who tells me that I’m not good enough, that I can’t do anything right. She’s the one who tells me that I’m not worthy. She’s been stealing my power from me for a very long time. But I can’t just banish her because she’s a part of my Self. Perhaps I can put her through rehab and transform her into something more helpful. I gave her some charged water to drink so she would have healing nourishment and not have to feed off of me, and I brought her with me back to the lodge where she will wait until I come back to work with her. “I Can’t” and I danced freely around the lodge, and when I came back to my physical body I danced some more. Actually, I was dancing around for the rest of the day. I think with a little more nurturing she will be happy to change her name to “I Can.” For the next several days I felt very grumpy. I had all sorts of old wounds and issues coming up. When I talked to my mentor about this he pointed out to me how I was accepting only part of my self and rejecting another part, and how I was becoming more and more like the part I wanted to reject. So I went back and talked to my Inner Judge. She was scared and lonely and hurting. I comforted her and I took her in to myself, and it’s amazing… I don’t feel grumpy anymore… I feel more whole and stronger than I have in a very long time. She can't steal my power from me anymore unless I let her. Home Sheya Shamanism LumensGate Books Links Bike Articles Transformation Message Board |