Definition

Domestic violence is a learned pattern of behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other person. The partners may be married or not married, gay or lesbian, living together, separated or dating.

Examples of domestic violence are:

emotional abuse through mind games, name-calling, or put-downs

isolation from family or friends

economic abuse by withholding money or being prevented from getting or holding a job

actual or threatened physical harm

sexual assault

stalking

intimidation

The violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted, forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of domestic violence and can lead to criminal abuse.

The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs listed on the "Violence Wheel."

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence...young, old, rich, poor, black, white, professional, unemployed. There is no typical profile of domestic violence victims except that they are usually female. Children living in homes where a mother is abused are more likely to be abused themselves. Even if they are not, children who witness abuse are victims.

If you are in an abusive situation, REMEMBER

You are not alone.

You are not to blame.

And, you can get help.

The Violence Wheel

This chart lets you see the kinds of behavior abusers use to get and keep control over their partners. Battering is never an accident. It is an intentional act used to gain control over the other person. Physical abuse is only one part of a whole series of behaviors an abuser uses against his partner. Violence is never an isolated behavior. There are other forms of abuse.

This chart uses the wheel as a symbol to show the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of abuse. Each spoke represents a tactic used to gain control or power, which is the hub of the wheel. The rim which surrounds and supports the spokes is physical abuse. It holds the system together and gives the abuser his strength.