Aisumasen Renee
I can't believe
I trashed our friendship with my pen
Can you believe
Renee, Aisumasen?
How could I not know
You would be hurt, so shaken
How can I show
Renee, Aisumasen?
What now can I do
To hear you say, "You're Forgiven"?
I'm such a fool
Renee, Aisumasen
What else can I do
To make us friends again?
What will we do
To make this loss a gain?
What should I have said?
You would not hear my words then
What I should have said
Renee, Aisumasen
What can I now say?
There is a word I have heard
This word I will say
Renee, Aisumasen
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Snoopy
Snoopy played an important role in my apology to Renee, but it was not completely by accident. I had always loved Snoopy for as long as I can remember. And while I was in the 4th grade I was dubbed "Joe Cool" by a couple of my classmates. I remember one girl who used to sing the "Joe Cool" theme song to me. Yeah I used to hang around the water fountain too.... The nickname stuck for a couple of years and I even used it as a handle on the CB Radio for a while. Then I shortened it to JC until people started asking me if JC stood for Jesus Christ. So Snoopy was a significant part of my childhood and had come to the rescue in my time of need. Perhaps the initials JC were indeed for someone other than the alter ego of Snoopy and me. I know they were for Renee.
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wz0zzz@yahoo.com
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Aisumasen Renee
It may not appear to be so significant a poem when reading it, but for me it is the most important poem I have ever written. If I had not written it, I would likely never have written the rest that were to follow. Or at the very least I would have fallen in to the trap of writing for the masses and popularity instead of what was in my heart. This poem was written the night John lennon was killed. That it was inspired by one of John's songs called "Aisumasen" is only one small reason why it was so important.
I found out John had been shot while listening to the local television news on the radio. I had gone to bed at 11pm on Monday night, but wanted to hear Johnny Carson's monologue on the Tonight Show before I went to sleep. At the very end of the news they said that John Lennon had been shot in front of his home in NY City and there were no further details available. I flew out of bed and turned on the TV to Monday Night Football because I knew the late news would be on right after the game. Then Howard Cosell gave the news I could not believe, John was dead.
I was devestated to say the least. I stayed up all night watching the news reports that followed. I was changing channels to see what was going on when each would break for commercials and one of the channels had a radio station playing with the AP News headlines. I stopped to listen because they were playing John's songs and on came the song called "Aisumasen" which the DJ explained was written to Yoko for the time he had left her and went on his infamous trip to California where he hooked up with May Pang. This was his apology to Yoko and as I listened to it, I realized I had found a way to apologize to a girl named Renee, who I had hurt by writing her a nasty letter.
Let me back up three weeks to explain what exactly occurred one afternoon in school a week before Thanksgiving, 1980. I was in Electrical shop and Renee was in Cosmotology class across the hall. She was a very beautiful, sweet, innocent girl I had a huge crush on and wanted in the worst way to date her. After finishing an exam in class early that day, I went to the back of the class and started writing a love letter to her. It started out very nice, but a few minutes later a couple of other kids in class finished their exams and came over to see what I was up to. Well, as teenagers will do, they started teasing me and making suggestions as to what I should write in the letter. This was where all the trouble started. I should have put the letter away and finished it at home. But peer pressure got the best of me and I wound up writing a dirty, nasty letter instead of the love letter I had intended to write. Whatever possessed me to give it to her after "we" were finished writing it is beyond my comprehension still. I gave it to one of the kids in class that was going to have his hair cut in the Cosmo class that day. He set it on her desk when she wasn't looking. What happened next still makes me cry to think about it. A part of me doesn't want to write it here because it's so embarrassing.
I could hear her crying from across the hall. Then I saw her walk past the classroom door into the office next door with tears running down her face. I'm not sure if I was more sorry for hurting her, or more afraid of what was about to happen to me. It's awful to think I was worried about getting in trouble, but it's the truth. Making her cry hurt me deeply, but the fear of the consiquences was also very strong.
Then came the moment of truth I had stand up and confess to writing the letter. I had not signed it, and with good reason. But I knew I would not get away with it so there was no point in denying the inevitable.
I went in to the office, confessed and cried my eyes out. Renee wanted to know who had written the letter and she came to the door and saw that it was me. She started crying again and ran away. I felt like the lowest scum of the world and wanted to run away myself. Somehow I managed to avoid disciplinary action at school for it. But it ate away at me for three weeks like a monster in my stomach. Getting away with it was the worst thing that could've happened to me. All I could think of was how could I apologize to Renee.
Then came the night John Lennon was shot and I heard the song "Aisumasen". I wrote the poem shortly after the song was over. I'm sure that I had heard it many times before, because my brother had the "Mind Games" album it was on and I know I had listened to it more than once. I must have never listened to the words or not realized what it was about before that night. It seemed like such a beautiful word and I knew immediately that it was the right one for me. I hope it's not plagiarism to use the title, and I hope John and Yoko would say it was ok.
The next day I did not go to school because I was too upset and also too tired from having been up all night. I got up that afternoon and went to the mall to see if I could find a card that was appropriate for the poem to be written in. I found the perfect card with Snoopy apologizing in it. It just said "I'm Sorry" and that was all it had to say. Then as I was walking to the counter to pay for it, I saw this little plastic statue of Snoopy crying and it also said "I'm Sorry" on the base. I picked it up and got the both of them. After I wrote the poem in the card, I packaged them together in a box and mailed them to her.
Renee forgave me and we became friends for a time after that. She cut my hair on several occasions and we talked on the phone often. I have always wondered if I had not written that letter could we have been more? But it's a double edged sword, because I would never have started writing poetry that ment anything real to me if I had not. Still, I would rather I had never written any of my poems if it ment I could go back in time and stop myself from writing that one letter.
Below are the original words by John Lennon for Aisumasen....
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Aisumasen (I'm Sorry)
By John Lennon
When I'm down, really yin
And I don't know what I'm doing
Aisumasen, aisumasen Yoko
All I had to do was call your name
All I had to do was call your name
And when I hurt you and cause you pain
Darlin I promise I won't do it again
Aisumasen, aisumasen Yoko
It's hard enough I know just to feel your own pain
It's hard enough I know to feel, feel your own pain
All that I know is just what you tell me
All that I know is just what you show me
When I'm down, real sanpaku
And I don't know what to do
Aisumasen, aisumasen Yoko san
All I had to do was call your name
Yes, all I had to do was call your name
"Aisumasen (I'm Sorry)" By John Lennon
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Too Late For Lament
Changes happen
Much too fast
Yesterday was
The year before last
Had I forseen
The end result
I'd have locked it away
In my minds vault
Mistakes are made
Everyday
By the best of us
And even me
Now I still feel
The need to say
Aisumasen my
Dear friend Renee
How different
Would life be
If I had done
Things differently?
It took no time
To condemn me
But you forgave me
All too quickly
A letter I
Wrote long ago
When I was a young fool
I hurt you
I'm still guilty
Of failing to grow
It's long past time
To do what I must do
I have got to
Take control
Of this fools life
That I've been living
To change my world
Will be my goal
To end the taking
And start giving
I must confess
This to you
I wanted you then
As my girlfriend
But I was afraid
To tell you
Now I wonder
If you would have been
We were friends
There was no love
There was no bond
Our lips never met
And now you've found
Your one true love
And I'm left with
Nothing but regret
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THINGS I REGRET
Would you change the things you regret having done, or not done after having the chance to see how the rest of your life turned out? Maybe the rest of your life is why you want to change them.
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My friends' home pages, favorite URLs, other pages on my web site.
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Talk City chat rooms where you'll find me.
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Save A Starving Poet - Donate to a Poet in need
A Question Of Faith, The Great Unknown & Have You Heard The Word? - My poems about God, myself and my faith, or lack thereof
Chapter 2 : Walls & Bridges, Ro-Ro Rows Her Boat - Where the Poetry begins.
Sleep, He Who Laughs Last & The Need To Be Free, The Desire To Fly - Poems about Mother Nature
Chapter 1 - My Bio Page
Index Page - List of all pages on my website in Chapters 1 & 2.
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Save A Starving Poet - Donate to a Poet in need
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