| If your heart gets broken by the one you truly love... don't let go of the love in your heart but let go of the person. You'll never know, someone might be worthy of that love. Life doesn't end where our heartaches begin. It only ends when we give up on ourselves and the love that we have in our hearts turns cold. Would you go for someone who loves you but for you he's only a friend or would you rather go for someone you love but for him your only a friend? Loving someone is easy, making someone love you is hard. Now I keep wondering, how di you make it so easy for me to love you? The eyes whispers I love you dear, the lips move no words appear. When your love is true, sincere and real, what the lips hide, the eyes reveal. There's always a reason why we have to move on when we wanted to say goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever, for love will have to set its wings free and find the place where it belongs. When I saw you, I was afraid to look at you. When I looked at you, I was afraid to touch you. When I touched you, I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you. A hug can say I'll miss you, I'll be thinking of you. It can say you're special or best of all I love you. It can soothe a hurt or calm a fear or cheer us when we're blue. So here's a hug for you. The truth can set minds free; while faith can move mountains; and love can melt even hearts of hardened steel. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It's a lifetime venture in which we're always learning, discovering and growing. If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will. There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Someday you'll lost the one you love if you will not show him/her now how much you really care. So, tell him/her now before it's too late. You might wake uo one morning losing him/her. The best date is someone who can take you anywhere without touching anything but your heart. More often than not, you fall in love with a person you can't really have, while the one who truly loves you remains either a friend or a stranger. Even if love is full of thorns, I'd still embrace it for I know that in between those thorns, there is a rose that's worth all the pain. If you were a tear in my eye, I'd never cry coz I'd be afraid to lose you. When love is lost... relax! It just mean that another love is about to take place---a greater love. People seldom say 'I love you' and when they do, it's either too late or the love is gone. But when I say 'I love you' it doesn't mean you have to stay, but I wish you'd never go away. They told me I can do anything if I put my mind into it. Yet no matter how hard I try in all that I do, I just can't seem to take my mind off you. Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. Don't let me walk alone, I want to walk by your side. Don't laet me talk to someone else, it's you I want to talk with. Don't let me fall for someone else, it's you I fell in love with. Never say you're going to if you never will. Never talk about feelings if they are not really there. Never say I LOVE YOU if you don't really care. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. No guy is worth crying over because if he is worth the tears he would not make you cry. The best part of loving is not wishing that the person loves you as much as you do, but in feeling that you love the person for more than you thought you could. I love this man who doesn't love me. So I asked my bestfriend what I should do so that he will love me too. He replied: "Just be yourself, coz that's the reason why I'm falling in love with you." When confused about love, follow your heart. It may not always be right but you will have memories that will make you smile and say: "Shit... nagkamali na naman ako..." H-R-T what would you add to these letters? EA or U? EA you get a heart, U, you get hurt. Now, what would you pick? I'd pick letter U, coz it's better to get hurt, I wouldn't want a heart without U! Its not the question of how often you see each other, it's the question of how you spent time together. If you can't make it worthwhile, at least the effort to be with each other matters a lot. The easiest part was getting to know you. The hardest part was being away from you. The best part is when we're together. You know the person is right for you when the he/she makes you a better person and brings out the best in you, makes you love life and most of all makes you smile. Sometimes we go out of our way to make someone love us in return, but suddenly fate intervenes and says, "oops, wrong person." On the course of love, people must teach their hearts to be brave --- brave enough to hold on when things go wrong and brave enough to let go when they realize that things are not meant to be after all. We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them... And we still wonder why some people are afraid when they are told that they are loved. If I were a bear, would you hug me? If I were a cookie, would you eat me? If I were painting, would you stop and look at me? AND... If I were to say I love you, would you say I love you too? People say that when love comes knocking on your door, let it in. But sometimes love comes through a back door and by the time you notice, it's on its way out. In times of loving, the mind asks. What the mind questions, the heart answers. When the mind resists, the heart insists. It's this time that the mind loses and the heart wins. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that he'll love you in return. Just wait for it to grow in his heart, but if it doesn't, be happy that it grew in yours. If I were a bear, would you hug me? If I were a cookie, would you eat me? If I were a painting, would you stop and look at me? And I were to say I love you, would you say I love you too? Love is not about the melody of violins, it's about the squeaking of bed springs. I said hello... but you didn't mind. I offered my shoulder... but you took me for granted. I said I love you... but you didn't hear. So I said goodbye... you said wait... The shortest word I know is 'I', the sweetest word I know is 'LOVE', and the person I know I can never forget is YOU! The tears shed over heartbreaks are the words left unsaid and deeds left undone. Don't be afraid to say I LOVE You to the one you love, for it might be too late to say it once feel like saying it, he's already found the comfort of hearing it from someone else. To love someone is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you ang give you joy and strength, but sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Kisses blown are kisses wasted. Kisses aren't kisses unless they are tasted. Kisses spread germs and germs are hated. So kiss me baby I'm vaccinated! Learn to appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain. It's just like loving again after experiencing pain. Wherever you go, whatever you do, wherever you are my heart is with you. No matter how far I'll always be near. Whenever you need me I will be right here. Words and hearts should be handled with care. For words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair. When I first met you my heart says 'I like you'. When the days gone by my heart says 'I miss you'. The moment I can't find you my heart says 'I need you'. Now I know more about you my heart says 'I love you'. If loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right . If being right means being without you I wanna be wrong for the rest of my life. Love will fly if held too lightly. Love will die if held too tightly. Lightly or tightly how will I know if I'm still keeping you or I'm letting go. It is an irony to know it takes two hours for someone to have guts to say 'hi' to the one you like. Days to admire, weeks to miss him/her, month to love but with just a blink of an eye to say goodbye. It's hard to live alone. It's harder to choose someone you could love. But the hardest part of living is to admit that you have fallen inlove with someone you didn't mean to love love from the start. To let go doesn't mean to stop caring. To let go is to learn there's something beyond. To let go means accepting reality. To let go is loving more coz you only want the best. You might be sending text that I'll soon erase, but the thought that you spent some of your time for me is something that'll last forever. Life has its ups and downs. When you're down, take time to learn how to make life better. When you're up, take time to pause and reflect on how far you've climbed in life. Sometimes it's hard to recognize the good things that are right infront of our faces, because we're too busy looking over our shoulders. Others say life is unfair, well it's true! Others are jealous of me. Well, they really should be. You wanna know why? Hmmm........ coz I've got you! When hope is gone, courage fails and man becomes a coward. Just remember that even in our darkest hour, Jesus is in control. I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams we can be together all the time. -- Calvin & Hobbes I bid the sun to shed you light, the wind to blow you kisses and my guardian angel to keep you safe all through the day. When your having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember... it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger and flip em off! Live life one day at a time, share it with people who matters most to you, for life is a little jar of memories and experiences, so fill it with those of love and joy. Sometimes we tend to rush things and we end up only with the second best. But if your lucky enough to have found the best, don't let it slip away. Keep it and cherish it for as long as you live. When you were born, you were crying and everyone were smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are smiling and everyone around you is crying. 6 Rules to be happy: 1) Free your heart from hatred. 2) Free your mind from worry. 3) Love simply. 4) Expect less. 5) Give more. 6) Have a cute friend like me! They can take away my pride, my wrath and dignity but don't they dare take my phone from me! Ayaw ko nga! Paano na kita matetext nyan! Hmph! Mami-miss kita ng sobra noh! If I'm your angel, I will guide and take care of you wherever you are. But I'm human so my prayers and love will be with you even if I'm not there with you right now. Remember when you're having a really bad day and it seems people are trying to piss you off... remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger and flip them off. God's timing is always perfect. Never that late nor too early. Just on time. Next time that you would feel alone and hopeless, hold on, He is on His way. Dream of life, dream of love, dream of hope and of joy; of the beauty that is within your heart... and tomorrow make your dreams come true! No matter how screwed up your life may be, don't wait for someone to fix it up for you. Fix your life first then maybe that someone special will come to make your life even better. It's alright letting yourself go as long as you can hold yourself back. Why is it that when you finally find that one right person to fall in love with, he or she can't find it in his or her heart to catch you? Many prefer a life full of riches than a life full of happiness. And find out in the end that money can't bring happiness. Put Jesus in your heart and find happiness you've always longed for. A kiss is a noun coz it can be proper or common. It is a verb coz it can be passive or active. And it's a conjunction coz it joins and connects. Never start a day with a pout on your face, it lessens your luck and a good source of wrinkles. So no matter what, keep on smiling, it looks good on you. Never fear shadows, they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby. God gave us two ears but only one mouth, perhaps a divine indication that we should listen twice as much as we talk. But we also have two hands, perhaps we should text twice as much too! Prayer for the day: The road I'm on is twisted, Lord. It's end defies my view. Teach me to take each step with faith and leave the rest to You. May only good things happen to you, may your wishes all come true. May your days never be blue and may God always be with you. A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue. So open your mouth and close your eyes, and give your tongue some exercise! There's no rainbow if there's no rain. There's no man if there's no woman. There's no heaven if there's no hell. There's no Globe if there's no fone, but my fone is useless without a textmate like you! Everytime I say have a nice day, it's not just saying it. There's a silent message saying I remembered you today. Courage doesn't always ROAR, sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day that says I'LL TRY AGAIN! Happiness is a perfume you can't pur into others without getting a few drops on yourself. There are only three things in life that you need: money, safe sex and a whole lotta weed! Of all the creations, your a splendid one. When I look into your eyes I know that it's true. God must have must spent a little more time on you. An icing can make a cake so sweet. A string can make a balloon so high. A match can make a candle so bright. Hope that simple HI can make you SMILE. Don't u ever wonder why people text you but have nothing important to say? It's for the simple reason that you're being thought of... like how I'm thinking of you now. Today's weather forecast: It would be cloudy if you frown, rainy if you cry, clear if your happy, or sunny if you smile! It is better for a girl to sleep a hundred years and be kissed and awaken by the right prince than to stay awake and be kissed a hundred times by the wrong frog. Oh, the comfort , the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out. Just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. God did not promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for thge way. Most people like to watch the Olympics coz it only happens once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you coz the chance of meeting someone like you happens only once in a lifetime. God will never leave us empty if something is taken away, He will replace it with something better. If he asks you to put something down, it is so you can pick up something greater. When you're feeling blue, whatever you do remember that God has sent a guardian angel to keep a lovin eye on you!... ahem, that's ME! Roses are red. Violets are blue. Get some fuckin stuff & I'll jam with you! Roll up the shit, light up the blunt. Smoke till you choke, come get watcha want! Budlife baby! FASHION TIP: You are never fully dressed without a smile! A smile is your most magnetic & attractive characteristic. Wear on e today & see how may people it draws to you! Two teardrops were floating down the river. One teardrop said to the other:"I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?" The other teardrop replied:"Well I'm the teardrop of the girl who won him." Coconuts grow in America, wild nuts grow there too, but it takes a place like the Philippines to grow a nut like you! I don't know who I'm gonna be 10 years from now, where I'll be in my life, what I'll have by then... but I hope one thing would be certain... that is, that you'll be part of whatever I'll be. 3 special people in our lives: 1) people we love but have to hate; 2) people we hate but we can't live without; 3) people we can't live without but have to go. Not all people can accept you without questions. Not all will be there for you without any condition. Not all will help you without exemption. But not me, so just feel free to be you. It is really painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go, but it is even more painful to ask the person to stay even if you can never make it work out the way it should be. Saying goodbye makes you realize how much you love, how much you will miss and how much loss you had... knowing that the person will not be yours anymore. An icing can make a cake so sweet, a light can make a candle so bright, a string can make a balloon so high, I hope that this simple text can make u SMILE!!! I never fully understand the need of a guardian angel. But when I saw you I became thankful coz I have my guardian angel to protect me from you! Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand but I know who holds tomorrow and I know He holds my hand. May God send angels to watch over you. Get swept away, I want you to levitate. Sing like a rapture and dance like a dervish. Who knows lightning might strike you. Try it because if you haven't you didn't live. --Meet Joe Black When situations get you down, remember that there is someone in heaven who loves you and watches over you...and there is someone on earth who cares for you...I DO. I was never tired of this life and its not gonna matter if I fall down twice, coz I know each time I fall, you won't let me reach the ground. Thanks for being around. Starry skies and dreamy eyes, I wish you my friend sweet dreams, for ahead another day lies. May you wake up with a smile and make this thought worth my while! Friends are like shoes which come from different boxes. Some loose, some tight, but there are those that fit just right. They help you in your journey of life. God gave me you so I won't be blue. To keep me company so there's no need to worry through good and bad. I knew I have a friend so dear, so true and that friend is you! Friendship is the art of reaching out and touching someone else's heart... just like the way you do. Before, I envy the skies for having stars guiding them at night. Then I realized, shit! I'm luckier having you as my friend! Care is the ingredient that keeps true friendships alive despite separation, distance, time and gets you past the dislikes and annoyances. Care sustains love... Take care! My life became easier the day we became friends and would make it harder if it comes to an end. Hope to share the friendship together and make it last forever. Friendship is like a song that after we hear it we still hum the melody as we live through life. You're my song that never runs out of tune in my heart. If 10 people care for you, one of them is me. If one person cares for you, that would be me again. If no one cares for you, that means I'm not in this world anymore. I love you my friend. At times when everything seems to go wrong, I'll hold your hand and tell you toi go on. When you feel like bursting in tears, when everybody leaves, I'd stay and forever be your friend. Colors may fade, the sun may not shine, the moon may not be bright, heartbeats may stop, lives may pass, but our friendship I'll treasure till the day my heart stops. I thought you were just someone, just another name to be included in my friend's list but I never included you in it. Instead I cherished you in my heart's memories. Life's a burden always silenced my laughter but whenever I carry your fiendship in my heart now storm could ever wash my smile away! A friend is one of the nices things you can have. One of the best things you can be. A friend is a living treasure, a precious gift, and that's what you are to me. The best thing in life is a friend and your one of the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for being one of the very few people in my life who is a dear friend. God created the world in 6 days, but it took him centuries to come up with a friend as nice as me!... I mean you! Alright, you and me! If I would die first I would ask God If I could be your angel so I could watch you and embrace you when you feel alone coz you're my friend and forever will be! Cherubims are "Angels of Wisdom." Seraphims are "Angels of Love." I don't know what "Angels of Friendship" are called, but you must be one of them! I'm sure you got lots of friends and your world won't end when I'm gone... But know that I'm just here waiting to be your friend when you find none. Life is unpredictable. You may not live long and miss out telling your friends that they're appreciated. So I'm telling you now that life won't be the same without you as one of my friends. Our friendship means a lot to me that if I we were the last two survivors on a ship and there was only one life vest, I'll...... ok...... uhmmm...... I'll still get it but I'll miss you for sure! True friends are like diamonds... precious but rare. False friends are like autumn leaves... found everywhere. I hope you find your diamonds like I found you. "YA YE YI YO YU" YA-sosi na yes, YE-sabog na yes, YI-bisayang yes, YO-hiphop na yes, YU-yes! ang friend kong cool! Soon people will get bored with text messaging... no new jokes, no more inspiring quotes... but I will still be a friend who'll always care for you (with text or even without). Sweet candles can be easily found... sweet words can be easily said... but sweet friends are so rare! Just got lucky I found you! The best and the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. LOVE: Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don't have it call it a dream. But those who can't live without it call it destiny. He said I missed you, I said I missed you too. Then he fell silent and so did I. Then I said thank you. He said for what, I said for giving me back my life. He smiled and said thank you, you started mine. Whether the sun is bright, the sky is blue, a text from me, to a cute you. Winds may come, storms and typhoons too, I'll always be a friend to you stuck like glue. Good friendship doesn't mean you have to see and talk to each other everyday... It's all about being there in times of one's need. So friend, I'm here just a text away! I love you friend, more than words can say. I love you friend, I hope we could stay this way. I love you friend. like a friend really should. But now, I love you more than a friend would! A friend is the voice when you can't speak, the strength when you're weak, the hope when you're sad and the joy when you're gloomy. You know where to find me. If kisses were water, I'd give you the ocean. If hugs were leaves, I'd give you a tree. If love were spaces, I'd give you a galaxy. If friendship were lives, I'd give you eternity! I used to think we choose out friends, but I wonder now if we really do... for none but God could have chosen for me a friend as nice as you. I would always have trouble in opening up to to someone... but my friends make me at ease... and I'll keep them forever including you. Relationships may end...but true friendships between two people would last an eternity. They say true friends are hard to find. Well, I doubt it... ba't ikaw pakalat kalat lang???!! Life is a big war... but having you as a friend doesn't matter at all... coz you are at my side. Friends are like stars. You don't always see them but you know their always there. And though I may not be with you this moment, you're assured I'm your friend near of far. A casual friend says 'hi' and 'hello'. A close friend adds 'how are you?'. A true friend asks 'what can I do to make you smile?'. Thanks for making me smile. My life has been all smiles since you came. Joy has ruled my heart. I have no idea what my life would be if you weren't a part of it. That's why I have to thank God for a friend like you. We are friends coz you think I'm nice, I think you're nice. You think I'm fun, I think you're fun. You think I'm cute, and I think...... you're RIGHT! In terms of face, I'm ugly. In terms of money, I'm poor. In terms of clothes, I'm simple. But in terms of friendship, I'm trustworthy. The miracle of friendship speaks from one heart to another, listens for unspoken needs, recognizes secret dreams and understands the silent things. Though roses are not always red and it's ironic that violets are blue, my heart will always have a place for you coz you are a friend forever true. How do I spell "FRIEND"? I was asked to spell it, and i spelled it with F-R-I-E-N-D until somebody corrected me and now I spell with Y-O-U. The greatest fear that can come between a friendship is the fear of losing each other. I hope I will never have to deal with that fear. Friends are like stars... you cannot always see them but you know they are there! Friendship is a chain of gold. Each link a smile, a laugh, a tear, a grip of the hand, a word of cheer. No matter how heavy the load, I'll be your friend till we grow old. Dear God, bless the friends I really love. Keep them safe, keep them mine, make them remember our friendship all the time. Written at heart, sealed with a kiss, I treasure my friend reading this. A shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, someone like you is as precious as gold. You make me smile whenever I'm sad. You're the sweetest friend I've ever had. One of the nicest things in my life is my friendship with you. And even if we don't have a lot of time to spend with each other, I want you to always know how much I appreciate you. A shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold. Someone like you is as precious as gold. You make me smile whenever I'm sad. You're the sweetest friend I've ever had. I wished so hard on a star one night. I wished to have a friend I will love for life. Days pass by, and I cried. Little did I know that my wish came true coz the person that I wished for was you. It's friends that become the deepest love. It's like one day someone flicks a switch and you wake up and your friend becomes the person you could never live without. I'm not one of those people are at the right place at the right time to give a helping hand or a smile to cheer. If I'm not there I know my prayers will be more than enough. Friendship is a promise spoken only by the heart. It is given by any pledge. It is not written on any paper. But friendship is a promise renewed everytime friends meet and smile at each other. Through the sky I saw a smile. Through the smile I saw joy. Through joy i saw friendship. Through friendship I saw friends and through friends I saw you. If you could only hear what my heart is trying to say... It says thank you for being my friend and I hope it would last more than a lifetime. May God send his love like sunshine in His warm and gentle ways to fill every corner of your heart, and give your day a good start! The sun is up. The moon is down. So you my friend, remove that frown. Stretch them lazy bones and reach out for your celfone. Look at the screen and what do you see? A message from fabulous me! Whenever the sun is rising, whenever the moon is shining, I pray to God that you'll alway be there and that you're thinking of me coz I think of you more than you think of me. The lovliest day comes when you wake up one morning and discover the romantic truth that love still colors your world. I woke up today smiling. For awhile, I started thinking, wondering if you're still sleeping... just wanna be the first to greet you good morning! May the sun send you rays of delight, may danger be ever out of sight, and may your day simply work out right with a morning that's warm and bright! As I rise from my bed and see the bright sun, I said this will be a beautiful day. As I reach out my hand and see my fone, I smiled coz this day would never be the same if I don't text you! Did you by any chance feel a gentle pressure on your eyelids this morning? I guess my angel heard my request. I asked that angel to kiss your eyelids so you'll see the beauty of the day. May your day begin with a gentle ray of hope, be filled with moments of love and end with a soft note of peace. As the sun rises for the beginning of another day wonderful day... I just hope that you'll find your way today. Every morning I wake up, I thank the Lord from up above. The next thing I have to do, to send a thoughtful message to you. Sunrise is the flash of a thousand bright smiles greeting us everyday so keep a smile today and add to the brightness of the day! This morning an angel asked me to go to heaven with him but I refused... Ayoko nga!... Walang signal don... I can't text you. I looked at the moon but I couldn't see it. Search for the stars, still I couldn't find any. So I looked at it closely and found the reason why....... UMAGA NA PALA! Good morning! It i s nice to wake up to a new day, knowing you're around. Life is wonderful coz you're in the world. Thank you friend... for sharing your light into my life. Good morning! I ran out of jokes and quotes to text before I sleep, but I can't sleep if I can't text you good night! Angels are there to guide and protect you in whatever you'll do... Tonight they'll take you to a place where your dreams can come true! Heaven has less angels tonight, coz I sent a few to keep you warm and tight. Close your eyes and go to sleep, for angels are there for you to keep. If there are worries, please don't weep. I'm at the other side just give me a beep. Just sleep tight ang thank God for the wonderful things he has blessed you. Be grateful and thank Him, not ask for anything more. May the fairies sprinkle stardust on your pillow to give you dreams so sweet and may God bless you with the will to make them real! Tiny stars shining so bright, now's the time to say goodnight. So close your eyes and close it tight and let me tuck you in for the night. My day won't certainly be over for I have something left to do. I just couldn't sleep yet without saying goodnight to you. If u sleep holding your pillow tight, you might dream of your soulmate tonight. Though its just a dream, your soulmate might be dreaming of the very same thing. I wish that God would hold you tight. I hope that angels would keep you in sight. Now just to make sure you feel alright, I'm gonna blow you a sweet goodnight! GENIE: I will grant you one wish, what will it be? MAN: I want to be in between Kate Winslet's legs? GENIE: That's easy. Are you sure? MAN: Yes. GENIE: By my power, you are now a napkin! CONTEST: Palakihan ng pepe. CHINA- pinasok telepono. (clap!) JAPAN- pinasok tv. (clap! clap!) USA- pinasok upuan. (clap! clap! clap!) PHILIPPINES- pinasok piso. (boo!)... bigla tumugtog jukebox! How can you tell when a woman is not wearing any underwear? ANSWER: By the dandruff on her shoes. What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl... goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl... goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home. What do submarines and penises have in common? 1) They are both long and hard; 2) They go down deep; 3) They carry a lot of seamen. Ang pagkakaroon ng malaking titi at galing sa kama ay hindi biro. Ayaw kang tigilan ng mga babae! Tibay at lakas ang kailangan. BOY BASTOS po taga Brgy. Ginebra! Girl admiring Rodman's tatoos... Reebok on his arm, Puma on his leg. She screamed when she saw AIDS on his penis. He assures her: "Relax...in a minute it will read ADDIDAS." Tarzan swings, Tarzan falls, Jane saves her by grabbing Tarzan's balls. Now you know why Tarzan goes: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Q: Paano namatay si Capt. Hook? A: Nangati itlog niya at kinamot! Old man to faith healer: Can you give me an erection? Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, I can make the lame walk, I can cure cancer, but I can't raise the dead! Where do most women have curly and black hair? ANS: Not there! You dirty mind! But in Africa. Top 3 reasons why chocolate is better than sex: 1) It's safe to have chocolate while driving. 2) You can have it even in front of your mom. 3) It won't mind if you bite the nuts too hard. MISIS: Tangina mo! MISTER: Tangina mo rin! MISIS: Hayop ka! MISTER: Hayop ka rin! MISIS: Supot ka! MISTER: Yun nga lang! There are two important things in life. Learning to hold on and let go.... Holding on to the penis and letting go after ejaculation! (akala mo saying noh!) WOMEN'S TOP 7 LIES: 1) I have a headache. 2) He's my brother/ cousin. 3) We're just friends. 4) 5) 6) 7) I'm still a virgin. MEN'S TOP 7 LIES: 1) It won't happen again. 2) I'm single. 3) That was my mom/ sister/ friend. 4) You won't get pregnant. 5) I love you. 6) I don't want to lose you. 7) I'm telling the truth. Lady in a diner sees the cook flattening a burger patty with his armpit. LADY: "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" WAITER: "You should be here in the morning and see how we make the donuts." WOMAN TO DOCTOR: Thank you for making me a virgin again for my wedding night. It was perfect, the blood the pain and it only costs P50. How did you do it? DOCTOR: I tied your pubic hair together. GIRL: Pano ba? BOY: Sipsipin mo. GIRL: Ganito? BOY: Oo, tapos higupin mo. GIRL: Ayoko kadiri! BOY: Arte mo naman! Wag mo tignan. GIRL: May buhok sa dila ko! BOY: Siyempre sisiw yan eh! BF pinapakita ang birdie niya sa GF. GF: "Bakit nakayuko?" BF: "Kasi natutulog. Hawakan mo." GF: "Bakit nagalit?" BF: "Kasi ginising mo. Himasin mo." GF: "Bakit may limabas?" BF: "Lumuha kasi masaya!" Two lovers torrid kissing... GIRL: "I think I swallowed your gum." BOY: "Don't worry, it's just my phlegm!" TANONG: Bakit ang mga pari pag umiihi naka tingala? SAGOT: Kasi nagdarasal sila. TANONG: Anong dinadasal nila? SAGOT: "O Diyos ko, hanggang pang-ihi na lang ba 'to?" TANONG: Hindi tao, hindi hayop at hindi multo, sumisipsip ng dugo at may pakpak? SAGOT: Whisper with wings! Different types of Farter: PRETENDER-Farts silently then acts innocent. SHY-Farts softly then smiles. ARROGANT-Farts loudly then laughs. UNLUCKY-Tries to fart but shits instead. A teacher saw the word penis on the blackboard. She erased it and the next day it was there again and in big letters, so she erased it again. The next day, it said on the blackboard: The more you rub it, the bigger it gets! There are three roosters, a normal, a retarded and a gay. NORMAL: Cokadudledu! RETARDED: Dudlecokadu! GAY: Any-cock-will-du! SLOGANS FOR NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK: 1) Cover your stump before you pump. 2) Before oyu attack her, wrap your whacker. 3) Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4) When in doubt, cover your sprout. Lady in a sexshop. LADY: Ddo yyoou sselll vviibbrrattorrs? CLERK: Yup! LADY: Tthhe bbigg bbllaacckk onesss? CLERK: Yup. why? LADY: Hhoww ddo yyoou tturnn iitt oofff? ABC - always buy condom. DEF - don't ever fuck without it. GHI - goto her immediately! JKLM - ja koL muna. NOPQRSTUVW - no other person quite right shall taunt you very well. XYZ - xee your zperm! MAN: If I see you naked, I'd die happy. WOMAN: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing! MOMMY: O anak, bakit ayaw mo magpaligo kay yaya mo? BOY: Ayoko nga! Kasi nung pinaliguan niya si Daddy, nakita ko kinakagat niya sa pitotoy! Elepante at Langgam final part: May binulong kina elepante at langgam at hinimatay sila pareho. Ano? Sagot: Tigilan niyo na yan magkapatid kayo sa ama! Sex is an affection with a projection to the intersection of a midsection with the use of contraception but definitely without infection. Pahabaan ng titi contest... USA: Pinasok sa lupa paghugot may mga langgam. (clap,clap!) JAPAN: Paghugot may bumulwak na langis. (clap,clap!) PHILIPPINES: Paghugot may nakakapit na demonyo! Bading nasa meatshop... BADING:"Pabili nga ng 1 whole German sausage." TINDERA:"Chop-chopin ko na?" BADING:"Wag!!! Anong kala mo sa pwet ko alkansya?!" Husband and wife... WIFE: If you want to have sex, press my right breast once. If you don't want press my left breast once. HUSBAND: OK, if you want to have sex pull my penis once, if you don't want pull it 100 times! DAUGHTER: Daddy, what is incest? DAD: Shut up! Just keep on sucking! 2 prostitutes after work passes by a stinking estero. PROSTI 1: Hmph! Ang baho! Amoy titi!!! PROSTI 2: Ay sorry ha! Dumighay kasi ako eh! Adam must have been some kind of a nut! Who else would sit next to a naked woman and eat apples instead of nipples?! Sino ang unang architect? Si Eva... kasi siya ang unang nagpatayo. E sino naman ang unang estudyante? Si Adan... kasi siya ang unang pumasok. A priest lost his male chicken and he asked around... "Anyone got a cock?" All men stood up. "No, I mean anyone seen a cock?" All women stood up. "No! I meant anyone seen MY COCK?" All nun stood up. MEANINGS OF KISS: on the ear - I'm horny, on the c heek - we are friends, on the hand - I adore you, on the shoulder - I want you, on the lips - I love you, on anywhere else - lets get BZ! What is a kiss?..... a kiss is an upper preparation for a lower invasion which will eventually lead to further penetration with vast acceleration. A cat and a rooster were walking in the rain, cat fell into the puddle & the rooster laughed hysterically. LESSON: When there's a wet pussy, there's always a happy cock! WHAT IS THE ESSENCE OF A WOMAN? Venezuela: PORQUE REGLA CON TODO PACASTA MALA IMPORTANTE BIRHEN KA PA. Puerto Rico: PERFECTA FIGURA MALA IMPORTANTE MALAKE PUKE! 3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China. They decided to change their name... Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck... Fu decided to go back to China. Husband reading while wife is sleeping. Then he fingers wife and went back to reading. Wife said: "Ay, bitin!" Husband s aid: "I don't want to have sex just wanna wet fingers to turn the page!" May dalawang langaw na nakapatong sa taas ng tae. Sabi ng isa: "Pare sandali uutot lang ako." Sagot ng pangalawa: "Ang bastos mo naman, di mo ba nakikita kumakain tayo!" MOM:"Our son is masturbating again. Better talk to him." DAD:"Son, don't you know you will go blind doing that?" SON:"Dad, I'm over here!" If you want to be lucky believe in fung suey. If you want to be healthy eat chop suey. If you want to be rich play pusoy. If you want to be horny... pindot tutuy! May mag-bf and gf and they have a code for sex/do & that is hamburger! So one morning, sabi nung girl sa mom niya na aalis lang daw siya at maghahamburger. So she went off and do it with her bf. When she got home she was so happy & super excited na sabihin sa mom niya kung gaano kasarap ang hamburger! Sabi niya "Mommy, grabe ang sarap-sarap talaga ng hamburger" her mom replied " OO nga anak eh mukha ngang masarap, may mayonaise ka pa nga sa bibig eh!" MAN1: I saw my wife in bed with my best friend. MAN2: What did you do? MAN1: Beat her up! MAN2: And your bestfriend? MAN1: Dragged his ass and said 'BAD DOG!' General check-up: DOKTOR: Lola, kelan ho ba kayo huling nakipagtalik? LOLA: Mga 1955. DOKTOR: Matagal na ho pala ano po? LOLA: Di naman, 20:55 pa lang eh. At 4 yrs. old. BOY BASTOS: Nay, pano po ba talaga ako ginawa? NANAY: Ah, eh kasi bigay ka ng langit. BOY BASTOS: Ang taas ng langit ah! Buti umabot ang titi sa inyo! I have two hands, the left and the right. Hold them up so clean and bright. Jack-off softly 1...2...3...ahhh... Clear sticky sperms are good to see! How do you compare a man's dick and a car? 1. feels good when it's fast! 2. smooth when lubricated! 3.useless when f lat! Sarap to sa umaga! Hubad muna ako then I touch it, slowly stroking it. Sarap! Faster, ikot-ikot ko pa! Lalabas na, ayun na! Ahh talsik sa dibdib ko. Sarap talaga --- mag-SHOWER! Push and pull, push and pull, make your titi powerful. Up and down, up and down make my pussy color brown! COWBOY POEM: There was a girl in the Golden West, where apples grow upon her breast, and a bird's nest rise between her legs... where the cowboys lay their eggs. PEDRO: Ma'am o si Danilo naniniko! TEACHER: Danilo, hindi mo ba alam na masakit ang maniko! DANILO: Yehey! wala ng klase! Masakit daw ang mani ni ma'am! Difference ng PRINGLES at CONDOM: PRINGLES: Once you pop you can't stop! CONDOM: Once nag-pop you must stop! Why are cows depressed when being milked? Well, if every morning at dawn they wake you up, rub your boobs for 2 hours and not fuck you afterwards, you'll get depressed too. A TEXT MANIAC is: 1) dala phone sa cr 2) text habang nagda-drive 3) text habang kumakain/nanonood ng tv/may kausap sa phone 4) bad breath and 5) hinto sex para basa hi n ang incoming text! A man consulted his doctor, why his dick is yellow. DOCTOR:"Hmmm...soap and water would do and tell your girlfriend to stop eating cheesecurls! What comes out of FAT breasts?-Buttermilk SKINNY breast?-Skimmed milk BLACK woman's breast?-Choco milk What about OLD woman's breast?-Yogurt At 9 pm the husband said: "Honey, pwede?", wife replied: "NO!". At 10pm, he said: "Honey, pwede na?", she said" "No please!". At 12am he said: "Honey, pagod na ko, bubunutin ko na!" I like the taste of sperm. In fact, I use it every morning on my cereal. But I like mens even better. Sperm on my cereal, mens on my coffee. Make s sex to me! It's so typical that people always want to be with the person they love but sometimes the absence of one makes you want them more that you tend to.......... MASTURBATE! Haha! Akala mo quote noh! They say you can tell the size of a man's penis by the size of his shoes...No wonder Ronald McDonald is so happy! May binulong ang langgam sa elepante at nahimatay ang elepante. Tanong: Ano ang binulong ng langgam? Sagot: "Buntis a ko, ikaw ang ama!" May binulong ang elepante sa langgam at nahimatay ang langgam. Tanong: Ano ang binulong ng elepante? Sagot: "Let's make love standing position!" HOY GAGO! PUTANG-INA KA A! TARANTADO KA WALA AKONG GINAGAWA SA YO A! MAMATAY KA NA HAYOP KA!........ ..........................................................Ano ok na ba direk? BOY: Let's play WAGWAG. GIRL: What's that? Boy: You'll take your clothes off and I'll lie on top of you......and you'll say "WAG! WAG!" Priest teaching a nun how 2 swim... NUN: Will I really sink if you take your finger out? Japan, US & Nigeria aboard PAL about to crash. JAPAN: Put jewels coz re scuer first look for rich. USA: Put make-up. They look for pretty. Black takes panty off and said: They look for the "blackbox"! Couple making love and son was awakened by th e noise. Son heard dad saying 'I feel l ike coming' 'Wait' answered the wife 'Coz I feel like coming too' At that moment, son came running ang said 'Wait for me I'm coming with you!' Let's sing! He puts his pe nis in, he puts his penis out, he puts his finger in, then he shakes it all around. You do the hokey pokey then you turn yourself around. That's what sex is all about! A Chinese man is being taught what to say while giving tikoy. Repeat after me: 'Auntie Tikoy masarap!' (inulit ng Chinese) Bilisan mo: AuntieTikoymasarap!, AuntieTikoymasarap! CONDOM BRANDS> PHILIPS: Let's make things better. DAIRY CREME: Pinipili ng mapipiling ina. CAMPBELL SOUP: Mmm, mmm good! FORD: The best n ever rest. CHEVRON: Use Them? People do. ENERGIZER: It keeps going, and going, and going... MCI-10515: For friends and family. MCDONALD'S: Billions and billions served. MCDONALD'S: Ang sarap ulitin! MAGGIE ME-N-MY-MUG: Solution sa Mini-gutom. JOLLIBEE: Panlasang Pilipino. MARY JANE Condom: Can't try until you buy. MITSUBISHI Condom: Pure driving pleasure. OVALTINE Condoms: Just can't get enough. BURGER KING Condoms: Ain't the same without the flame. WHITE CASTLE Condoms: Walang sabit sa lalamunan. Sakto! JUICY FRUIT Condoms: Mas malinamnam! GREEN CROSS Condoms: Mainit-init at greaseless pa! FLINTSTONES CHEWABLE: 7 Flavors and 7 Shapes. Yagba-yagbadoo!!! DOUBLE MINT: Keeps breath fresh naturally. MENTOS: Hard outside, soft and chewy inside. POLO: It's got a hole in the middle and a mild minty taste. PANTENE: Less at the roots, more at the tips. IVORY: Ang gaan-gaan ng feeling, sumusunod sa hangin. AXION: Walang dulas, walang amoy. M&Ms: Melts in your mouth not in your hands. MOTOLITE: Tested na pangmatagalan. DUNKIN DONUTS: Smells good, tastes even better. Anong tagalog ng chair-SALUMPWET Anong tagalog ng bra-SALUMBOOBS Anong tagalog ng panty: SALUNGGUHI T Anong tagalog ng brief-SALUNGGUNISA Anong differe nc e n g jeep sa ng vagina: Ang JEEP pag may pumapasok SUMIS IKIP, pero ang VAGINA pagmaypumapasok LUMULUWAG! Anong difference ng pakpak sa pekpek: Yung pakpak pagbumubukaka lilipad yung bird , yung pekpek dadapuan ng bird. Anong difference ng parachute sa condom: Ang parachute pag nabutas patay tao, ang condom pag nabutas buhay tao. Pano mo malalaman kung girl yung chocolate? Pag may peanuts. Why are men use l ess? 1. They have Adam's apple that can't be eaten. 2. Balls that can't be dribbled. 3. Eggs that can't be fried. 4. Penis that can't be spent. Please sing with feelings: Pekpek ni Sara Pen kinalikot ni Armasen ows ows sez the girl na bastuswen! Agen! Q: Anong celfone ng mga gumagamit ng viagra? A: Nokaya Q: Eh ng mga malibog? A: Ericsyon Q: Ng mga naninilip? A: Boscho Q: Ng mga nagbabasa ng tabloid? A: Motoymola PATANGKARAN CONTEST: KANO> I'm so tall I could reach Mt. Everest. (He stretched his arm and reached the top of Mt. Everest) GERMAN> I'm taller I could reach the moon. (Then he stretched his arm to reach it.) PINOY> Aray! betlog ko! 5 Things wrong with the penis: 1) It has a hole in the head 2) It has a ring around the neck 3) It hangs out with a couple of nuts 4) It sleeps next to an asshole 5) When excited it throws up and dies! Q: Bakit mas malakas umutot ang boys kaysa sa girls? A: Dahil may malapit na microphone! Q: What's the similarity between a vendo machine and Monica Lewinsky? A: Both have slots that says: Insert BILL here --> Virginity causes cancer, cancer causes death. Save life, share your virginity! Q: Pano mo malalaman kung yung manok sa palengke ay lalake o babae? A: LALAKE> TITImbangin BABAE> KIKIluhin EXOTIC COLORS: Plematic Green, Ebakish Brown, Spermatic White, Bulbonic Black, Reglatic Red, Uhogish Yellow, Utongic Pink, Clitoric Fuschia, Bayagish Lavander - YUK! Q: Anong mangyayari kay Tweety Bird kapag uminom siya ng Viagra? A: Magiging Big Bird Q: How did Pinnochio find out he was a puppet? A: When he masturbated he set himself on fire! Q: What's the difference be tween oral sex and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day, while anal sex makes your hole weak! Q: What's the similarity between a book and a woman's dress? A: It should be short to be interesting but long enough to cover the subject. What do you call the organ of small men?--> COMPACT DICKS; What do you call the organ of aliens?--> LASER DICKS; What do you call the organ of old men?--> FLOPPY DICKS! Q: What did the typhoon say to the coconut tree? A: Hold on to yo ur nuts, this is goi ng to be o ne h e ll o f a blo w job! So Dodie Fayed arrives in heaven. He sees the limo driver and shouts: I said I wanted to fuck Di in the limo, not FUCKING DIE in the limo! Anong tunog ng falling rock? BLAG! Ano naman ang tunog ng falling water? WOOSH! Eh ano naman ang tunog ng falling pubic hair? PWE! Anong mangyayari kay Felix the Cat kapag uminom ng Viagra? Eh di magiging Felix BAKAT! Anong mangyayari kay Kermit the F rog kapag uminom ng Viagra? Eh di magiging PALAKA-NTOT! Man 1: My wife is so dumb she bought a car and she doesn't know how to drive. Man 2: Oh yeah? My wife is dumber i saw her bag filled with condoms and she doesn't even have a dick! Women are like ANGELS, they give and forgive. Men are DEVILS they get and forget. Love is the manifestation of affection with the intention of injection and ejection in the midsection done in a nice position during a private session! Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A.? Because God couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin. Q. Why are cucumbers better than men? A: Because they stay hard for more than a week. Pantyline Call: Hello, puwede bra pukibaba ang iyong titipono. Kanina pa kayo dyan nagkukuwentutan! Boy Bastos: Nanay, na-iihi po ako. Nanay: Halika anak sasamahan kita. Boy Bastos: Ayoko! Gusto ko si lola. Nanay: Bakit? Boy Bastos: Kasi nanginginig kamay niya eh! Sarap! May tatlong baklang nagswi-swimming nang m a y biglang lumutang na condom. Bakla: Hoy mga loka, sino sa inyo ang umutot? Nagtatalo si balls at dick. Balls: Bakit hindi mo ako sinasama pag pumapasok ka sa loob? Dick: Akala mo ba masarap sa loob? Suka nga ako nang suka eh! A man see's a gay man wiping semen off the floor, the man asks him 'What happened? Did you jerk off?' The fag answered 'No, i farted' 3 daughters to Dad: Girl 1: I'm going out with Pete to eat. Girl 2: I'm going out with Vance to dance. Girl 3: I'm going out with Chuck to... Dad: Sorry you're staying home! A couple was pumping away in bed. MAN: Spread your legs wider! (urgently after) MAN: WIDER! WIDER! GIRL: What the fuck are you trying to do? Get your balls in? MAN: No, OUT! Qualities of a good blowjob: 1. RELIGIOUS (lumuluhod) 2. JUDY ANN LOOK-A-LIKE (malaki panga) 3. SWIMMER (mahaba hininga) 4. BUNGAL (para hinde sabit ngipin) 5. MALAKI TENGA (para handy) 6. MALAPAD ULO (para patungan ng beer) At the hotel a man accidentally hits a girl's breast: MAN: If your heart is as soft as your breast you'll forgive me. GIRL: If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 469! Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man's foundation enters a woman's separation to build a population for world domination. Do you get my conversation, or do you want a demonstration? One sperm said to another: "How much further till we reach the ovaries?" The other sperm replies: "Relax, still a long way. We just passed the tonsils." Ang type na lalake ng girls: 1. SIMPLE (palaging nasa ibaba) 2. MABAIT (hindi nangbibitin) 3. GENTLEMAN (hindi nauuna) 4. MALINIS (hindi hinuhugot, sa loob nagkakalat) What's the difference between a hotdog and a dick? A: In a hotdog you put the mayo first before you eat it. While in the dick you eat it first before the mayo comes out! Two GAYS Gay1: Fafa, kati ng puwet ko pakamot naman o! (Kinamot ni Gay2) Gay1: Kamutin mo pa Fafa! (Tuloy ang pagkamot hanggang sa loob) Gay2: Ano to? Bat may relo??? Gay1: Happy b-day Fafa!!! BOY: Sigurado ka bang akin yang pagbubuntis mo? GIRL: Oo naman. Tatlo na tinanong ko di raw kanila. Ikaw na lang natitira kaya siguradong sigurado na ako. Meanings of roses: With long stem = I want your kiss. With thorns = I want your love. Stem and thorns without rose = I want your flower. Sex is like Mathematics: ADD the bed, SUBTRACT the clothes, DIVIDE the legs, and MULTIPLY! Anong tawag sa maliit na goat? KAPIRANGGOAT! Eh sa maliit na cat? CATITING! Eh sa maliit na duck? PANDUCK! Ano naman ang tawag sa maliit na dick? BUTITI! PREVENT GETTING RAPED.............................................. say YES!..... A public service reminder from BOY BASTOS REACTION TO SIZE OF PENIS (IN INCHES) BY GIRLS: 7-5 Araaay! Yes! Y es! 5-4 Ouch! A hhh! Ahhh! 4-3 Ow! Sige pa! Dii n mo pa! 3-2 Sige pa! More ! More! 2-1 Aay? Oy, wag na lang kaya? How should COFFEE and your BOYFRIEND be alike? 1) He has to be rich 2) He has to be hot 3) He has to keep you up all night! Q: What's the difference between a CIRCUS MAGAZINE and a PLAYBOY MAGAZINE? A: A CIRCUS MAGAZINE features CUNNING STUNTS while a PLAYBOY MAGAZINE features STUNNING CUNTS SON: Dad! nakipag-sex ako sa teacher ko! DAD: Talaga? Halika inuman tayo. Let's celebrate your coming to manliness. SON: Bukas na lang, ang sakit ng pwet ko eh! TEACHER: What part of the body goes to heaven first? STUDENT: Feet! TEACHER: Why? STUDENT: Coz when I went into my Mom's room, her feet were in the air and she kept saying, O God, I'm coming! American woman trying to speak Tagalog: Depet megpekebeit keyo, pera you will go to heaven et mekita nyow eng angel ne may meleking pekpek (wings). Describe the penis in your country: USA: It's a gentleman, it stands up when it sees a lady. JAPAN: It's a laborer, it works day and night. PHILIPPINES: Like a gossip, it passes from mouth to mouth! Q: Why should we not pass judgement on Monica Lewinsky? A: Because "napasubo lang siya"! BOY: Dad I broke my eye glasses when I kissed my girlfriend! DAD: How can that happen son? BOY: Dad, she closed her legs! After foreplay: BF: Why do you always play with my dick everytime we have sex? GF: Well, I kinda miss it! BF: Why did you always do that to your past boyfriends? GF: Hell no! It's because I used to have one! IDIOT'S GUIDE TO SEX: 1. Oral sex doesn't mean talking to each other 2. You don't need a condom when you're doing it alone 3. Herpes is not th e name of a Greek god! Only the open heart receives love. Only the open mind receives wisdom. Only the open arms receives gifts. Only the open legs receives eggs... ooops! nasobrahan ang emote! SON TO DAD: Why did you name me Conrado Domingo, now my friends call me condom! SULAT MRS. PARA KAY MR. MRS: Hon RCPI (Rush Come Puke Intay) MR: Mahal PLDT (Puke Linis Dating Titi) MRS: PT&T (Puke Tuwang-Tuwa!) Q: Ano ang difference ng BADING at CANNIBAL? A: Ang CANNIBAL kumakain ng KA-URI, ang BADING kumakain ng KA-ARI! On a honeymoon, the girl discovered that her husband has 1 wooden leg. She wrote her mom: " Ma, my husband has only 1 foot" Mom replied: "That's good, your dad has only 5 inches" Q: Pano mo kukunin ang eggwhite na di binabasag ang itlog? A: MASTURBATE! SECRETARY ANSWERING A CALL: Hello, I'm sorry but Mr. Manyak is OUT at the moment... no wait he's IN... no he's OU T ... IN... OUT... IN... OUT... INnnn.. . Ahh! Sir, you wanna answer the call? Q: What did Cinderella do when she was horny? A: She sat on Pinocchio's nose then said: "Tell a lie now! NOW! Ikaw kaBAGUIO-BAGIO mo pa lang dito ang dami mo nang CALOOCAN. Kung DAGUPAN kaya kita dyan at magkandaILO-ILO ka? Tignan mo nga yang panty mo NAVOTAS na! BOY BASTOS: My former girlfriend was a spoiled brat. She asked for almost everything, until she asked for a 7-inch penis. I left her. Imagine she wanted me to cut it short! Q: What did Snow White say after making love to the 7 dwarfs? A: I've always wanted a 7-inch penis but not one inch at a time! ANAK: Mommy, puwede na ba akong mag-bra? MOM: Hinde pwede! ANAK: Baket naman? 15 yrs old na ako ah. MOM: Tumigil ka nga Boyet! How to know if your girl is faithful: Put palay in her vagina then check after 3 months. If palay turned bigas - binayo! If palay turned pinipig - binayo nang binayo! If palay napanis - kinamay! If palay nawala - kinain! Couple about to be wed in a week. GIRL: I want you to know that I am very flat-chested. BOY: It's ok, my dick's like a baby. On honeymoon... Girl faints to see boy's dick like a baby... 8 lbs, 21 inches! What do you call 2 nuts on the wall? WALLNUTS! 2 nuts on the chest? CHESTNUTS! 2 nuts on the chin? BLOWJOB! ATE: Bea say 'ball'. BEA: Bolbol! ATE: Hinde! BEA: Dede! ATE: Say 'ate'! BEA: Tite! ATE: You're not making me happy! BEA: Pipi! ATE: Sus! BEA: Suso! ATE: Stop it! BEA: Etits! ATE: I'll kick your ass! BEA: Kiking makatas! Whisper napkin manufacturer was wrong! They didn't realize that women didn't want wings, they want the whole bird! 3 REASONS WHY ITS HARD TO BE A PUSSY: 1) Your hair has no style, it's kinky a nd tangled. 2) Every month you bleed even when there's no wound. 3) A drunkard always pokes his head and pukes in! BOY BASTOS see's a nude gi rl. BOY BASTOS: Lord, close my eyes. Girl nears Boy Bastos. BOY BASTOS: Lord, close my eyes! Girl sits on Boy Bastos' lap. BOY BASTOS: Lord, my eyes! Girl grabs Boy Bastos' dick. BOY BASTOS: Lord, close YOUR eyes! Dila-dilaan ako.......... patuyuin... dilaan ulit! hanggang tumigas, bago pumasok sa iyong makipot na butas................... Sabi ni sinulid kay karayom. A newcomer in hell complaining to satan that the girls there are beautiful pero 'walang butas'. Satan replied: 'Pag may butas yan e di nasa langit ka na!' |
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| For any comments and suggestions, please e-mail me at: yeohj8682@yahoo.com |
| Hir r txt msgs xcerpt frm http://come.to/text Enjoy!!! |
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