born 21st November 2001, died 20th November 2001
(This text file is quite long - you may find it more convenient to save it as text and read it off-line)
We had been married for over 2 years when we discovered Lois was pregnant. We had planned and prayed for this since we married. I was in Paris for a short trip when Lois announced me the exciting good news. My career was moving up a gear - having just given new opportunities in my job in Singapore - and Lois was busy and enjoying new experiences in her dental career.
However, we are ready to face the stage of parenthood!! We had been sensible in planning children for a more "stable" time in our lives, and we believe that this is the right time - we are going to be parents now, after all our careful plans and prayers. We knew God had stepped-in and answered: "I know you really want children now, so here you are!"
All the checkups were routine, the scans perfect, the shared experiences of friends on pregnancies gave us great encouragement, (Plus my confidence on Lois being a dentist that she has more physical knowledge and understanding about their conditions) and all the things you usually associate with a NORMAL pregnancy happened. It was an ANSWERED PRAYER!! We were very positive that everything would be fine, until Tuesday November 20th 2001 when our world literally fell apart. Below is an account of the events which took place before and after that day - I wrote it all down here in my PC after work during Lois' recovery whilst her Mom is helping us who supposed to be baby-sitting Eunice at this moment:
My first-hand account of events
On Wednesday 21st November 2001, our Daughter Eunice Abellera Dela Vega was born at 5:15am. She weighed 8.11 lb and she was perfect in every way, except she wasn't breathing. Her death had been confirmed by ultra-sound scan on Tuesday 20th at around 9 am during preparation in the labor room and she died perhaps sometime between 8 to 8:30 am at home or while on our way to the hospital that morning. Her last fetal movements was experienced by Lois and Mommy when they woke up and talked to her at around 4 am that same morning. I am writing all of this down so that we'll never forget what happened - not that I imagine we ever will.
On 18th Sunday November we intended not to attend the Church Service to prepare for the coming of Lois’s mother in the afternoon. We tried to lessen our activities during the last exciting nine months and became cautious in our every move. The Grandma arrived from Manila safely and on schedule as we planned and prayed for. Our happiness and excitement were even more overwhelming thinking that we are not only three but now four of us. A HAPPY FAMILY!!. I was telling to my daughter that night that she can come out anytime if she wanted because Grandma was ready to take good care of her. I had been talking to her since she was only one-month. Her favorites were to listen to my voice, my guitar as I played it until they fell asleep and the heavenly kids’ songs on CDs that we specially bought for her.
On Monday 19th November at 10:45am, Lois had her weekly/routine check-up with her Obstetrician. We were expecting that it might be her last check-up knowing that our baby is due on 1st December and the doctor was fond of calling her “Lois with a big Baby”. Again, everything was fine just like the previous checkups and Lois heard Eunice's heartbeat by ultra-sound on that morning. I never heard it because I was at work. I just accompanied three of them to the clinic in the morning because I must go to my work. At about noontime while Lois was talking to her OB she phoned and informed me that we were given an option to deliver Eunice earlier because she’s really a big baby (8.14-lb on that last check-up). I told her if she can ask the Dr when is the best time then. While having that an unexplainable shock of feeling in me - Lois called me back and told me that the clinic suggested it to be TOMORROW-8:30AM!!. The feeling in me was even more great this time. I must make a decision and revision on my schedule and commitments in only a moment of time. I answered OK!!, OK!!, but Can you ask the Dr if it is possible on Wednesday? Why am I asking this option? it's alright! forget it! OK!! Tomorrow-Tuesday!
After the clinic, they visited some shops nearby before going home for the idea that Lois should do some extra walking to help herself and our baby to come out easily on the next day. Though the doctor did not suggest this idea, except that she told Lois that everything was normal but she just need to get ready for tomorrow’s delivery.
I had finished my work early on that day and went home while preparing myself for this very first-time event in my life. I had to call Lois to have a final check whether I had to buy things we needed that day before reaching Eastern Lagoon II. She told me that everything was ready and I should not worry at all. I arrived home safe and found everything in the house and myself on a different mood. Except for Lois - she is always as she used to be - I was assured that she was ready and happy to deliver our child. I was very silent during those moments that I did not understand to myself why.
When Eunice’s Grandma was preparing to serve the dinner, I was trying to think of something else that I must do for the last minutes before this very special occasion in my family. Except for those phone calls to inform our family back to Philippines, I can’t think of anything else but to wait for the next morning. I confirmed everyone for our checklist for the last time and everything was just perfectly fine.
I remembered that I had bought a new Filipino VCD week ago. When I asked the seller for the song ANAK, she suggested me to better buy the karaoke version. I knew this song but I did not understand myself why I yearn to listen to it. The song reminded me that having a child is not the end of the journey but it is just the beginning of a lifetime commitment and responsibility of every parent. So, I playback and sung it while Lois & Mommy were still preparing for the last supper. It must be the most happiest moments in my life.
That night I did not watch the news on TV which I used to do. I wanted quietness, peace of mind and focus to myself - because tomorrow I would be the most happiest father on earth. Lois had made phone calls to almost everyone in the circle of family and friends. After she finished, she joined me in a small terrace of the condo while I played some of our favorite Christian songs with my guitar. We enjoyed those moments and felt comforted after we sung the last song “I Don’t Know About Tomorrow”.
In the evening we went to bed generally contented. I was telling Lois that we had to get a good sleep tonight for tomorrow would be the start of our sleepless nights. Lois told me that it would be first in her entire life to stay in the hospital for long. I encouraged her that hospital is an opportunity for me, and for sure she would feel nearer to God once she was in the hospital. I retold her that I was able to read the four gospels in the New Testament of the BIBLE when I was once hospitalized.
Lastly, I must say to the Lord our prayer that night before I turned off the small lamp in our bedroom. I did not pray for any of the concerns that I used to ask GOD for the last nine months. This time, I did not tell any request from Him. I spoke to GOD in general about one’s life. I recognized that He is the only one who can control and hold anyone’s life. I believe God' sovereignty. I thank Him for giving us life and for a new life that He added in our Family.
Lois noticed the difference in my prayer and she kissed me goodnight. She’s quite worried about some bleeding that day due to the internal examination (IE) performed by her Doctor that morning (It was the only IE performed to Lois during her entire pregnancy). But we’re comforted because the doctor herself told Lois that the bleeding was expected.
4am Tuesday morning, Lois and her mother woke up coincidently. They felt Eunice kicking actively. Her Grandma spoke to her that she must not be worried because later she can come out. I was not aware of this moment for I was really in very sound sleep. Between 6:30 to 7:00am, I woke up and greeted Lois besides me. Of course, I had greeted Eunice too and I even sung to her “This is the day that the Lord has made” and “Happy Birth Day to You” before we completely got up from bed. We felt her moving until this moment.
We must be prepared at least by 8:20 am to be on time. Just like a usual day routine, everyone was ready to go except me this time. They did expect me to wear just a shirt but I preferred to wear my favorite polo. So, I was preparing for my dress while everyone was waiting. I was not in a hurry because in ten minutes we can reach the hospital. I was teasing with Lois that I must be looking good because people may ask who was the father of the Baby afterward. Lois gave me smile and she felt a sudden moment of weakness in her body so she lay down while I was putting on my dress.
We arrived at East Shore safely at about 8:40 am. All the papers were ready waiting for us, then after being admitted, the nurse met us and led us to the delivery room. (Grandma must wait and stay in the Lobby) In the corner was a transparent cot with fresh white linen ready for the next delivery. I looked at it and told myself that in a few hours my child would be lying there and I would be a father! She asked Lois to change and asked her to provide a urine sample. The nurse asked Lois to lie down so she could be examined.
The nurse laid Lois down and started to ask questions with excitement and set some apparatus that looked to me a detector of something. I brought with me my camera and had taken photos during this moment. I felt a change of mood in the nurse’s face so I stop and moved near to them but I observed her trying to call someone in the phone and saying: “Can you call Dr. --”. Apparently, we heard the doctor’s voice while she’s passing by our room. The nurse shouted: “Dr --, please come here!! I don’t hear the heartbeat of the Baby”. I am not too worried and didn’t trust this idea because may be it was the apparatus that failed. (As a test engineer, I don’t certify a test failed until I have confirmed the tool is working correctly). Lois and I sighed: “IT CANNOT BE!!”
The Doctor came in to the room immediately, quite surprised and did not believe what the nurse told her. She tried for several minutes to find the heart beat with another ultra-sound unit they immediately brought to the room. She found that there is no heartbeat and movement of our baby - and can’t explain the reason. She showed us in the monitor screen where she had found her yesterday. There she was, head, spine, limbs, but no movement. Dr -- looked up and quietly said, "I'm sorry, but I can't find a heart beat". She tried to explain that it was perfectly fine yesterday when she made the scan. With my eyes, I can tell that she almost cried too. But she must have to carry on for there are few more babies out there that she must help. They gave us few moments for ourselves alone in the room. Lois was visibly broken; I wouldn't let myself believe that anything was wrong - things had been fine last night!!
This would have been about 9 am.
(End of my first-hand account)
Delivery
The following is an extremely condensed account of what happened next. This is quite deceptive, as it must have been the longest 24 hours of my life:
After the baby's death had been confirmed by the doctor, Lois and I stayed in the same room to have the baby delivered. The doctor expected a natural delivery within a few hours. However, this didn't happen. Throuhgout the day the doctor is quite sure about a natural delivery for our Baby. The delivery was progressing for long and Lois could not seem to open her cervix to 10cm before she can start to push. Lois was under epidural and was loosing her energy. We were all alone in the room while the nurses kept a routine monitoring on the progress of Lois’ cervix.
Sometimes, I had to leave Lois in the Labour Room for friends coming by to comfort us. This happened for several times from 1PM to 11 PM.
It wasn't until about 4:15 am Wednesday morning, that our patience had endured, I told the nurse that I want to speak with the Doctor. They called the doctor and let me speak to her in the phone. I asked her that she must tell us what was best for my wife and my child. If ceasarian method was the best she better do it now. So, the decision was taken to perform a ceasarian. I was sure that the Doctor was more concerned about Lois’ healing process but since the progress was too slow and may take even longer, she was convinced to perform CS. That was the most difficult decision I ever made in my life. I am not worried about any of these methods of delivering my Baby – the difficult part was that I don’t know which was the best for Lois and the baby, thinking that it was the first time for her. Who can tell us? I didn’t know that time. But I trusted that the doctor knew. Lois is a dentist, so she knows what is best for her patients. I was there, beside Lois and I won’t leave her. We waited until we did know the answer.
Lois was transferred to the Theater Room. I was told that I must wait in the Lobby until they brought me my Daughter. I waited and didn’t do anything but to cry out. I saw our Eunice and held her face and arms. The nurse was commenting that the baby is beautiful while I asked her to put on the dress we brought for her.
Lois became conscious and I greeted her while the nurses held her out from the CS. She told me about her encounter with GOD, her face was shinning and happy listening while telling her that I saw our Baby. They accompanied us to our Baby for Lois to see her. She saw Eunice and held her very peaceful face and arms.
Our Baby was delivered - dead as expected.
- Boyet - 19th December 2001
(Taken: Sun 18 November 2001)
There is a place of quiet rest
Near to the heart of GOD
A place where sin cannot molest
Near to the heart of GOD.
O Jesus blest Redeemer
Sent from the heart of GOD
Hold us who wait before Thee
Near to the heart of GOD
There is a place of comfort sweet
Near to the heart of GOD
A place where we our Saviour meet
Near to the heart of GOD
There is a place of full release
Near to the heart of GOD
A place where all is joy and peace
Near to the heart of GOD