| Grandson enters room with huge freaking book. GRANDSON: Grandfather, what is this enormous book I found underneath the pile of catheters in your bedroom? GRANDPAPPY: Why, that’s my journal I made when I sailed on a pirate ship many years ago. GRANDSON: You were a pirate, Grandfather? GRANDPAPPY: Oh, no. I was only a temp and never a full-fledged pirate, but it was on that ship where I first learned to be a man. That’s where I had my first drink, that’s where I grew my first beard, and that’s where I first played spin the bottle. GRANDSON: Woooooow! Did anything exciting happen to you? GRANDPAPPY: You mean besides playing sping the bottle with a crew of pirates? Oh, yes, the days were rife with excitement. Why, there was one time when your old granddad singlehandedly saved the entire ship. GRANDSON: You saved the whole crews life? GRANDPAPPY: No, no. I didn’t save anybody. I saved the ship from being stolen. I’ll tell you all about it….. The George Foreman Grill flies gracefully through the sky. GRANDPAPPY (VO): It was a time of constant adventure when men wore skirts and pirates ruled the skies. I had a summer job as lookout for a pirate crew on an airship named the George Foreman Grill. EL JULI: Land ho! We be approaching shore and refreshment! The GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL descends into dock. |
| Nothing much yet, but it gets better on Page 2! |
| By Air and By Sea A Legomatic Movie by Scott Ross List of Characters: El Juli: A temp on the flying pirate ship the George Foreman Grill. He noble, selfless spirit touched the world in ways we can only begin to understand. Cap'm Airbiscuit: The Captain of a crew of handsome pirates. Often gets food stuck in his beard. Pirates: A crew of handsome pirates. What can I say? These are some pretty men. Evil Doctor Choral: A sinister genius who steals the flying pirate ship. He plays racquetball on weekends and likes Jane Austen novels. What a dork. First Mate: Cap'm Airbiscuit's second in command. There is something suspicious about him, but you won't find out about it until page two. Guido: Doctor Choral's personal bodyguard. He has a lot of thoughtful things to say and expresses it all monosyllabically. He is especially fond of haikus. Henchman: Yeah, he doesn't have any lines...I guess he's just there so there's at least one character lamer than that tool, Doctor Choral. Various Techies: Nameless characters whose only role is to raise the body count. |