| PIRATES: Yaaarrrr, easy as she goes my hearty. Yaarrggghh. The GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL docks gracefully like an elegant king swan returning to his realm. CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Shore leave me muchachas! Away with ye to the Salty Walrus! Yarr! The Pirates head to the Salty Walrus, the place for pirates to go do…well, I don’t know, what do pirates do when they aren’t sailing and fighting? I guess they chill out, study, maybe play a little bridge? PIRATES: Yaarrr a round of Sex on the Beach for everyone! On me! Meanwhile, EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL flies through the air on his plane thing. Yeah, I don’t know what to call it and John built it so aks him. Back in the Salty Walrus: FIRST MATE: That’s a nice hatchet wound you got there. Guy With Hatchet Wound: Yeah, I got it fighting bears in the Swiss Alps. I killed three with my bare hands and one of them came at me with a hatchet. Got me right in the face. FIRST MATE: Yeah, that’s pretty rad…well, look I gotta go. Makes for the door only to be intercepted by: CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Aaaarrrr, where be ye going hearty? FIRST MATE: Uh, I gotta head back to the ship…I’m having…uh…feminine problems or something. Yeah… FIRST MATE leaves, EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL pulls up to dock. Once again, back at the Salty Walrus: CAP’M AIRBISCUIT To Obi Wan and Luke: Yaaarrr, sure I can take you to Alderaan, but it’ll cost ya 17,000 credits. Hold on a second, though…Yaarr, hey temp, go put money in the parking meter. I don’t want my boat towed. EL JULI: Aye aye, cap’m. El Juli goes outside and sees guards, decapitated on the ground. EL JULI: They had heads when I went in…huh… El Juli sees First Mate in a sinister “rahnd-ay-voo” with EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL and ducks behind some barrels. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: I’m happy to see you made it here on time. I trust everything is in order. FIRST MATE: You can rest assured, Dr. Choral. I’ve taken care of everything. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Not quite everything, you can thank Guido here for taking care of the guards’ heads. GUIDO: Raising up heads. PLAY! THROW BALL!! GUIDO FETCH!! THROW BALL!! EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Guido, NO! No play fetch with heads! Go lie down! To FIRST MATE: He gets like this sometimes. We thought neutering him would help, but once the sutures healed he’s been just as bad as ever. FIRST MATE: Shall we finalize our deal, doctor? EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Yes, my entire collection of Beanie Babies and Holiday Barbies for the keys of the George Foreman Grill. FIRST MATE: Fantastic! EL JULI to himself: The First Mate is a scurvy bilge rat traitor and a World Class turd fondler of the lowest possible order! They’re going to steal the ship! I have to do something!! EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Go with my personal assistant, and follow me to my Super Top Secret Under Sea Mountain Top Fortress. Or STSUSMTF for short. EL JULI: Gotta follow them! The GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL begins its ascent into the heavens. El Juli, realizing that time is of the essences dashes across the docks with the speed of a gazelle. He lunges high into the air attempting to grab the anchor trailing behind the ship. His jump completes its arc and he begins to fall, having missed the anchor…then (somehow) he again begins to go up, and this time manages to grab on. As the ship flies away, we see that the Pirates have crowded back onto the dock and are now rather befuddled. PIRATES: Ggarr? Where be our ship? CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: to cop yaarr, she was a white 1685 Ford Schooner. Chrome rims. Propellers. The Cop leaves and another boat pulls up to the dock. It’s crew, much shabbier and less swarthily handsome than Cap’m Airbiscuit’s crew, disembark and wander away. |
| A stolen pirate ship! Sounds like Evil Doctor Choral has got himself into some serious crap! Read on! |