| CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Yaarrgghh, who would dare to steal the George Foreman Grill? Why should those lesser and uglier pirates get that ship there? That should be me ship. Gaaarrrr, it WILL be me ship! Come, mateys! We sail again! The better looking Pirates jump on board the other ship and take off in not-so-hot pursuit of Evil Doctor Choral. This next bit of dialogue doesn’t make much sense, but I decided it was necessary for exposition: CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Yaarr, we’ll catch the scurvy lily-livered mongrel who filched me ship! PIRATE: Gaargghlgelgh, how do we know which way they go’ed cap’m? CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Just follow the propeller prints in the sky, matey. All airships leave them behind. We can follow the tracks until the rain washes them away. Garrrr!!! Meanwhile the GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL, piloted by the treacherous First Mate, approaches Evil Doctor Choral’s Super Top Secret Under Sea Mountain Top Fortress. It is perched atop a corral reef and surrounded by fir trees and rocky crags. Schools of fish swim around its walls and mountain goats graze nearby. EL JULI: Hey! It’s Evil Doctor Choral’s Super Top Secret Under Sea Mountain Top Fortress! The STSUSMTF! Both ships (both meaning the GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL as well as Evil Doctor Choral’s personal shuttlecraft, which I heretofore christen the GAPING ORIFICE…oh my that sounds awful…) land. The various passengers disembark and head for the gates of the STSUSMTF. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Come on in. I instructed one of my nameless henchmen to set out tea and watercress sandwiches for our gala arrival. The ponderous steel gates swing open and they enter. EL JULI: They outnumber me, but my advantage lies in stealth. I shall be as sly and cunning as a cat. I’ll sneak in silently and spy on them. EL JULI slinks through the still open doorway. The massive gates slam closed upon his delicate torso squeezing him like a ham between my teeth. The whole “open, closed, open, closed” routine continues until he is finally bumped through into the STSUSMTF. He squawks all along, like a ham between my teeth. We next seem him crawling around on a catwalk type thing – you know…like the rafters, up above…what do you call those? He looks down on where EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL sits upon his throne of skulls in his innermost lair. Okay, it’s not really a throne of skulls per se; he’s a bit more civilized than that, but still, he’s evil enough to do it. Several techies work at a computer station nearby. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: You see, First Mate, the George Foreman Grill will be instrumental in achieving my diabolically genius plans. Only the boundaries of my own imagination shall limit the evil deeds I shall commit with this airship – buzzing the local elementary school during recess, flying 55 in a 25 zone, and the prototype laser cannonballs will be key for scaring trick-or-treaters on Halloween. EL JULI: That nefarious villain of a scalawag! TECHIE: Doctor, have you considered using its weaponry for evil schemes with more ambitious potential? Perhaps stealing a nuclear weapon to blackmail the world, or taking control of a tiny island nation? EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: coolly…so my schemes don’t satisfy the “ambition” of the nameless peon? TECHIE: Well…no…that’s not what I meant…I mean to say… EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL simply stares, his menacing glare boring a hole through the unfortunate Techie’s head. A deep sense of impending doom penetrates the atmosphere. TECHIE: I’m so sorry Doctor Choral! I didn’t mean it! EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Apology accepted. Presses button. TECHIE: No, no! Aaaaaa!!! The Techie is immediately launched from Evil Doctor Choral’s STSUSMTF at a high velocity, as a punishment for his sins. On the surface, the Pirates float through the bathtub…er…sea, continuing their pursuit. PIRATE whiney: Aaarrrr, Cap’m this be taking FOREVER! Can we be havin’ a snack and some juice? Suddenly, the body of the aforementioned unfortunate Techie floats to the surface beside the ship. CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Gyaarcdghey! We be on the trail of Eeeeevil Doctor Choral! Prepares yourselves, me hearties, to attack his Super Top Secret Under Sea Mountain Top Fortress! Back in the STSUSMTF, El Juli’s presence has not gone unnoticed: Tech #2: Doctor! My monitor shows someone trespassing up in the loft! (THAT’S what it’s called, a LOFT!!) |
| Oh no, the jig is up and El Juli's goin' down - which is not where the jig is! Read on, fools! |