| FIRST MATE: That’s the stupid temp that was working on our ship. He doesn’t even get insurance or benefits. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: You idiot! You said the doors automatically shut behind me! He presses the button again, expelling Tech #2 into the undersea mountaintop environment at similar velocities. Guido, Fetch! Go kill, boy! Drink his blood, boy! GUIDO: graragaraghalgkhasdghasdh!!! EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Seal my inner sanctum, you cheese breathed buffoons. EL JULI still spying in the LOFT: Hmmm…I wonder where the big fellow is headed? EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL over the intercom system which they HAVE had all along, I didn’t just conveniently put it in as a gimmick for this one line, Doctor Choral had it installed way back when he built the STSUSMTF: He’s heading up to have a few words with you. Oh, yes we know you’re here and we’re watching your every move. Good luck, by the way. He’s only got one weakness – being hit in the head by a metal pipe. You haven’t got a chance. I shall now conveniently stop watching you on the security system and allow your epic battle to go completely unobserved. I will have no idea who the winner is and thus if you happen to kill Guido and come after me I will be taken completely off my guard. Tata! As Evil Doctor Choral completes his monologue Guido joins El Juli on the loft and the epic battle of good and evil (which is, of course, inherently symbolic of the constant struggle between God and Satan over the hearts of men) commences. Guido grasps El Juli and begins pulling him at either end, threatening to rip him asunder. With the end in sight and having no compunction in regards to fighting dirty, El Juli gouges at Guido’s eyes with his thumb and manages to free himself. For no particular reason they tie their near hands together and have a brief knife fight a la West Side Story. Guido harnessing the power of the sun and fires a blast of pure heat which narrowly misses El Juli, who by this time has completed the transformation into a dragon lord. He soars at least two thousand feet in the air then dives straight at Guido like a hawk. Guido, however, is waiting with a tree he has pulled out of the earth – he swings it baseball-bat style right into El Juli’s face. This completely shatters the tree and transforms El Juli back into a man. Meanwhile, the Pirates have arrived at the STSUSMTF in their borrowed ship.. CAP’M AIRBISCUIT: Gyarrggh!! Fire at will mates! They go to it with a gusto, but the cannonballs merely bounce off of gates. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: You fools, I told you to ensure that we wouldn’t be followed! He launches another techie (this being the last and final techie, implying that Evil Doctor Choral, will once again have to take an ad out in the classified sections stating: HELP WANTED. MUST ENJOY WORKING FOR AN EVIL GENIUS. INTENSE LOYALTY AND WILLINGNESS TO BE KILLED FOR NO REASON AT MY SLIGHTEST WHIM PREFERRED.) out the chute. Ah, well. Not to worry. Our fortress is veritably impregnable. We shall not be pregned by their pathetic earth cannons today. Mwahahaha! They turn to see Guido’s head peering in through the glass doors. GUIDO: Boss! You can let me in now, I have successfully dispatched my incredibly handsome and powerful opponent, who is a fully-fledged pirate and God’s gift to women. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Ah, Guido! I see that you little soiree has miraculously transformed you into an articulate gentleman. I see no suspicious reason whatsoever to not unlock the doors and allow you complete access to my inner sanctum. FIRST MATE: Wait, are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, maybe you should test him – make sure it’s really Guido, and not just his decapitated head being carried by that temp. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: That’s a swell idea! I’ll ask a question only Guido would know… Guido! What procedure did I recently have performed after a rather embarrassing accident with a cactus? GUIDO: Colonoscopy! EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: There you see? It’s really Guido. Come on in, boy! He opens the doors and there stands the temp, using Guido’s severed head like a puppet to trick them all. Oh, now that it just really gross. I mean, I know I’m killing people left and right over here, but I’m not cutting their heads off and sticking my hands up their mouth holes! FIRST MATE: Eeeek!! I told you this would happen! He’s going to kill us all! I’m getting out of here! He jumps through a hole marked, “Emergency Escape Pod: For Emergency Use ONLY” and is promptly blasted out of the same tube used for disposing the annoying Techies. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Oh yes! Did he really just fall for that?! I TOLD you that was an awesome idea! What a maroon! He and the Henchman exchange a high-five, which the situation definitely calls for. EL JULI: Uh, hello? Evil genius? The audience is kind of waiting for me to vanquish you now. EVIL DOCTOR CHORAL: Oh yes, sorry. Let me get back into character… ahem! You’ll never take us! We’ll fight to the last man! Which I guess would be the two of us, since everyone else is dead at this point. Anyway, there’s no way you can defeat us, we outnumber you! |
| See what happens in the THRILLING CONCLUSION!!! |